Three Funny Charts

Tyler Durden's picture


Nothing like good ole' Goldman to brighten up things with a wink and a smile just as the economy is sliding, earnings are retrenching (and declining excluding pension underfunding adjustments), cash flow is negative and revenues are poised to double dip.

Sliding US GDP got you down? Fear not: just add hockeystick.

Earnings continue to decline on a year over year basis? Fear not: just add a little more hockeystick.


Of course, if you are the sellside, and had to justify your 7 figure comp by "adding hockeystick" at the beginning of the year, when the consensus saw $113+ in S&P500 EPS, it is time to apply a little reality and crush the consensus forecast. We are now half way into the year and the Consensus has slide to $110. Of course, the real forecast convexity is in Q3 and Q4 when predicted EPS really picks up, at which point absent the above hockeysticks, look for 2013 S&P EPS to hit... 100

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Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:34 | 3735372 RacerX
RacerX's picture

I see they are using the same chart but different dates. We've been hearing the recovery is "right around the corner" for years now.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:37 | 3735384 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

they meant to say "that Great Depression we tried to create failed. But we're still trying!"

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:00 | 3735432 knukles
knukles's picture

Hogglie Pogglie, Tyler!
You're the only other person mentioned pension fund valuation impact on earnings that I've heard.  When mentioned, I've either been dismissed as irrelevant to the conversation of looked at somewhat askance/perplexed.

Sanity is found in small places... :)


Plus, having listened to the Doubleline presentation (many thanks) I'm wondering whether Goldman is on the same planet.  No, that's wrong.  It's confirmation of my suspicions they're from elsewhere.
And thank God they're not the Annanuki come for the gold
Oh wait...

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:01 | 3735440 jbvtme
Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:34 | 3735376 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Hockey sticks everywhere!

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:47 | 3735398 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Dr. Michael Mann has just threatened Goldman with a copyright infringement lawsuit over that first one...

Wed, 07/10/2013 - 05:14 | 3736756 Svendblaaskaeg
Svendblaaskaeg's picture

Article in defence of MM: "Michael Mann is a Modern Hero and we need to acknowledge that!"

readers Poll on MM, same page, total 5641 votes:

did not choose to became a symbol
0% 17 votes
has been attacked in many of the same ways that the President and John Kerry were
0% 14 votes
Is an outstanding scientist and human being
0% 28 votes
all of the above
1% 90 votes
is distorting evidence to prove his point
70% 3988 votes
should be fired from the university
26% 1498 votes

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:31 | 3735508 animalspirit
animalspirit's picture

If you look at them in just right light (and pretend it is 2009 again) you can call them "green shoots".

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:34 | 3735378 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

q2 bank earnings r gonna suck

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:50 | 3735411 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Time for some bank stock buybacks to boost EPS?.

If I were a banker I would buy $1T of my own stock and masterbate the price (and my options) into infinity...

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:01 | 3735437 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

the reserves as bonuses scam has run its course, i think. time for a kitchen sink quarterly report methinks. the only doubt i have on this is that dick bove was bearish too which is a contrary indicator.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:40 | 3735523 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

I can hardly believe that anyone still lends credence to Mr. Bove's pronouncements, yet there he was today... again.   He's like a bad burrito.  Keeps coming back when you least expect it... or need it.  I left the volume on mute.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:36 | 3735381 ThunderingTurd
ThunderingTurd's picture

How can they be serious with that chart?!?!?!  It like Merlin the Magician taps US GDP with his magic wand and...alakazam!  We have growth!

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:37 | 3735385 maskone909
maskone909's picture

Funny thing is ... They will some how make this happen... ON PAPER!

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:44 | 3735402 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Schwiiiiiiing!, bitchez.

We're saved. Praise Buddha.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:47 | 3735407 sbenard
sbenard's picture

I just LOVE to read fictional stories!

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:53 | 3735423 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

The turn is coooommmming.  This is like an old man having sex.  YES, YES, YES.....OH NO, NO,NOOO, SHIT, I LOST IT.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 17:56 | 3735430 toadold
toadold's picture

Goldman speaks! So does the neighboor's dog...and the dog has nveer pissed on anyone. 

The more I read lately the sttronger my urge to purchase a center fire rifle and some number 2 pencils.  Maybe I need to double up on the foil in my hat?

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:04 | 3735446 knukles
knukles's picture

Three tomatoes are walking down the street -- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and squishes him... and says, 'Ketchup.'

                -Pulp Fiction, hoping the best for Mrs Kerry

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 19:20 | 3735609 monad
monad's picture

Why? She's Brotherhood of Death 322. Not friendly.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:09 | 3735458 Sokhmate
Sokhmate's picture

comment on the second chart: In 2H 2013, while sitting at a coffee shop, I expect an HB10 with big bosoms and apple buttom to spontaneously sit on my lap, and cause growth in my middle section. I'm ugly 4 6'

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:13 | 3735468 monad
monad's picture


Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:47 | 3735534 W74
W74's picture

But...but Osama is "dead" now.  Oh well, at least we have Snowden and maybe some tribals in Yemen we could cherry pick.  Mr. Goldstein anyone?

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 18:29 | 3735501 starman
starman's picture

2029 looks good though...I think.

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 19:20 | 3735610 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture


I see Miss Piggy's fingerprints on these charts; I thought she loved her Kermit?

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 19:37 | 3735642 khakuda
khakuda's picture

Imagine making 7 figures to work in a beautiful new office populated by attractive 20 and 30 something women where your only job was to pull optimistic, never to be achieved numbers out of your ass and then retire by 45.

God dammit, I want to work at Goldman, too!

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 21:09 | 3735923 toadold
toadold's picture

First pick the right parents, then attend a prestigious New England university as a legacy student, preferably Harvard. The break out the knee pads and the mouth wash for the social circuit and also barf back what the proofs and your peers want to hear. If you can't get on at Goldman right away suck your way onto a Government financial regulatory agency or get a job with a lobbying firm.  Then reapply with Goldman or one of the other Muppet bangers. 

Tue, 07/09/2013 - 21:07 | 3735913 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

Let me see: soaring energy prices, economic news so bad it has to be lied about, major trading partners in decline, forced beginnings of fiscal and monetary tightening...  Nothing that $85B a month of our future earnings won't overcome.  The music keeps playing, the shorts keep getting killed, and we are in another "Recovery Summer". God, I love the way this country is being run. NOT!

Wed, 07/10/2013 - 00:17 | 3736465 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

The CBO adds the same hockeystick. They assume that the massive extra spending of Obamacare will boost the economy be a few percentage points in 2014.

Wed, 07/10/2013 - 09:50 | 3737134 brady
brady's picture

SCOOOOOOOOOOORING for the USA!!!!! Goldman-Sachs with his 5th on the year. Assisted by Bernanke. Time of goal is 17:32 of the 3rd period.

Wed, 07/10/2013 - 11:09 | 3737432 Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

How anyone can get away with graphs like Exhibit 5 without sending everyone rolling on the floor laughing is beyond me.  The huge upward slope is always in the future, never actually happens, and is moved into the future for the next graph.

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