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Friday Humor: The Most Blatant Closing Ramp Ever
What was the centrally-planned market's mission for today? Simple: as we tweeted 10 minutes before the close, it was to get the Dow Jones green to preserve mom and pop's confidence in manipulated markets.
3:40 pm RampCap has a simple job: green DJIA
— zerohedge (@zerohedge) July 12, 2013
Sure enough, the DJIA closed just barely in the green following the now traditional last half hour ramp, with literally the last push of the day sending it over the edge by a measly 3 points.
How did this happen? The chart below, courtesy of Kevin Henry's New York Fed equities trading desk (with Citadel execution) is all one needs for today's version of Friday humor.
Ramp the futures for a green cash close in the Dow Jones... then pull the rug on the futures.
And zoomed out.
If you aren't laughing, then the sucker at the table is you.
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... THIS ... IS ... SPARTA!
Everybody's working for the weekend....
Green shoots!
Turn me Loose...
~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnHm4ro_l8s
Fantastic news:
Dow drops 4 points...
Pump it up Bernanke, you stupid motherfucker!
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xr22b_elvis-costello-pump-it-up_music#....
Bennie's Bubble Song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdED3rVgIu4
There are no cops, what do you expect... or the cops are bought off.
FORWARD !!
Speaking of bought off:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-250_162-57593463/janet-napolitano-set-to-resign/
Ding dong the Bitch is Dead...(until they find a replacement). I wish UC the very best because I think her inspiration to take that job was the potential to do this:
http://endthelie.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/lt-pike-pepper-spraying-students-uc-davis.jpg
You want Friday Humor?
Channel 2 in SFO gets pwned on the Asiana crash:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xocs-LHzoV0
Captain Som Ting Wong
Wi Tu Lo
Ho Lee Fuk
Bing Dang Ow
They actually reported it as the FLIGHT CREW! Those script-reading parrots will say ANYTHING put in front of them! The production crew must have had a hard time keeping straight faces...
Shoot, I gotta send this link out! Still laughing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkJdrrOnYyA
Captain Som Ting Wong
Wi Tu Lo
Ho Lee Fuk
Bing Dang Ow
OMG, the look on the newsreader's face after she'd read off those names............. .............
Obama & "Bubbles" Bernanke:
http://www.creativeboysclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/koons-2.jpg
And the fucking talking heads on CNBS wonder why retail "muppets" are not investing in stocks.
Suck the daytraders in, get all their buys, and pull the rug out and take off before anyone catches on. Classic.
AND, IT'S GONE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DT7bX-B1Mg
I knew a stripper named 'Bubbles', once. She took off her clothes, and my cash was gone. I awoke the next day with a hangover and an empty wallet, and Bubbles had a new outfit the very next night. I decided to give her a little extra that night so that I could watch her take this outfit off again...
I stopped doing this when I realized that Bubbles had the body of the Bernank, the personality of a Geithner, and the intentions of an Obama. A DAMNED UGLY bitch, when she finally took off her G-string and pasties...
that pic deserves a green thumb however bad your comment may be
Must be getting old and out of touch. I was expecting Fabian.
Off topic, my appologies for spaming. Lets light these District of Criminals phone lines up and stop contributing to your own debt bondage and enslavement to the Criminal TBTFBanksters.
Credit unions promote the economic well-being of their members, especially those of modest means, through a system that is member-owned, volunteer-directed and not-for-profit. As a credit union member, I know firsthand that my credit union offers financial products that provide better returns on savings, reduced rates on loans and lower or no fees on services.
Unfortunately, the big banks and some in Congress want to raise taxes and impose new fees on millions of credit union members, who together represent 40% of all Americans. And, they want to do this despite the fact that credit unions are not-for-profit.
Please don’t raise taxes on 96 million credit union members. Don’t tax my credit union!
http://www.donttaxmycreditunion.org/
Please, dear sir. I do beg of you to stop harming me.
Begging for a release from evil is pathetic. All it does is to further empower them.
Ah, yes!
Greed and Avarice rate right up there on the highest of the low lists!
PLEASE, don't lay me off! After all, I have a mortgage, and payments to make...and I DESERVE $78.00 an hour for screwing nuts on to bolts all day...
A definite 'DETROIT' moment! How's THAT shit working out in the 'financial sectors'?
http://www.businessweek.com/ap/2013-07-11/detroit-emergency-officials-me...
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! I'M A TEAMSTER!
Well, Hoffa is DEAD.
'Gee, I hate to spam you, but...' Bunch of JIVE-TALKING SOB'S!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVjITlgqlHo
Now, THIS link really dates me!
This shit is getting worse
or is it the FED's "Fantasy Life"... a few posts removed, this is in reply to 80's reference...
Dupe. Fat finger. Sorry.
Aldo Nova? Really?
I am ashamed to say I caught that reference.
Nah, here's the theme song for what's going on these days:
Meet the Feebles - Sodomyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ulb0pLBgRCw&noredirect=1
We owe Mike Reno a lot for introducing the headband to fashion.
The new normal.
<Hit it and then quit it.>
"There is nothing new under the sun" ... and there is certainly no normal
Some punks like to "hit it & quit it"... But I'd rather stay & play... Cause I'm long, & I'm strong, & I'm down 2 get the friction on...
~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY84MRnxVzo
Madness....what the gods will destroy they first make MAD !
This reminds me of the country road my friends and I used to drive on like morons as teenagers. We'd go along at a normal speed till we came to the first curve, then we'd floor it for about ten or fifteen seconds, then we'd have to slow the fuck down before the road curved again or we'd accidentally run right into a telephone pole.
We eventually learned to stop doing that. Will the central planners? They think they can move the goddamn pole.
No, it's worse. They somehow imagine that the pole will move for them.
how are the honey bees?
Oh, and the insects. You know I've pushed the documentary "A Farm for the Future" Have u seen it?
Ps - I'm jealous
It makes that weekend drive to the Hampton's that much sweeter, for someone.
Yeah well this shows 'MTM or mark to market' is now known as 'mark to manipulation'
It matters not who controls the laws in this land, rather the perception of a orchestrated green close, bitchez!!!" - The Bearded Bernanke
"If you aren't laughing, then the sucker at the table is you."
This is one of your best, Tyler.
And - to be honest - it is true to all of us, to all the damned fucking sheeple.
One day we'll hear this coming from Wall St., and then BOOM! it's all over...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDnABgxUeV4&feature=player_detailpage#t=79s
Downwind nautical 7 miles turned to zero in 1, obviously a major malfunction Houston!
Watched the video.
Of course, you are correct.
In a long enough timeline,.....ZERO. the motto of this website, and, unfortunately, too true.
Brother, mine, worked for Thiokol back then. Morton dropped them quick. they liked to call it 'The Incident'.
NASA launched against recommendations (too cold), but bureaucrats (private ones) assured NASA that 'safety factors' were 'within tolerance', so they went ahead anyway. ALL ARE IMPATIENT BASTARDS who will ultimately pay the price...CHEESEPOPES come from all backgrounds, and are not necessarily of the 'religious persuasion' that you assume.
Well, this was a downer to my 'Friday Night Humor' read.
Can I go back to the Big Butts video now?
Holy Cow, Batman! It's Communism!
Close, Robin. It's Central Planning, used by Dictasters everywhere.
Riddle me this Batman. What starts on Que and ends like its sneezing?
+1 for "Dictasters"
Did you see what these criminals did to this guy - stopped for ridiing his bike while not sitting on his seat (I couldn't make that up, I'm not that creative):
http://www.infowars.com/report-bicyclist-flees-country-after-oregon-poli...
I guess these guys wanted to show they were down for a promotion all the way to the top!
Just more proof that the US government, as all levels--local to national--is at war against the American people. The gun and badge thugs (GBTs), cops, are just their first soldiers in this civil war.
Time for us to start shooting back.
Happened in Seattle area in 2009. Some hoods were upset about some raid and killing by the GBTs and so went around gunning various GBTs down where they found them.
One thing the blacks have on us, they have started fighting and shooting back.
Needs to and will happen more often where ever anyone still values their Life, Liberty and Property.
I am not sure who the greater fool is here...Wall St for believing what is not true, or yours truly for refusing to believe the evidenced 5 year truth that shares only go up...until they don't I guess.
You have two minutes to say Stick Save Bartiromo. TWO MINUTES!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtaZ48fERfc
One of my platforms (nontrading) closed out with the dow down 19. I had to reload the page to get the actual +3.38 close. ROTFLMFAO!
You did a great job today as most of us did.
The sucker at the table usually gets fleeced...the suckers in this game have made a fucking fortune betting on Green.
Trying to entice a greater fool you are..
Boeing down over 7% for awhile bfore the HFT jumped on it.
Benny finally comes clean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vgQalXaIxs
Quit dreaming.
That's the song every politician plays when he thinks he's alone in a car with the windows up.
It did provide for a nice S&P short entry @ 3:58 pm.
Ben is caught dying over digesting too many male public hair’s or chokes on the IMF/WB/BIS to settle new debt loans arrangements/restructuring. That Lagarde cunt lick is still running around the world. She speaks under a paid collective audience to gather world pennies to fund their exorbitant programs. Meanwhile, she is shoring up new embezzlement launder money operations.
Christine Lagarde not charged in embezzlement investigation
The Fed can't ramp all the way to the close - someone else might start making money!
It had to be done! Stocksuckers are very nervous these days and scare easier than Lemmings.
Accompanied by a punch down in gold at the last minute
...below the smelt
thou who smelt it dealt it...
All this negative talk while markets brush against record highs. Sometimes people need to accept the reality that equities can be pushed to new highs.
TD can call them suckers all he wants but the suckers are doing rather well with their 401ks while gold bugs are getting killed with 35 percent smack down from recent high. It's public policy to keep stocks elevated while gold is the enemy of the statists.
We will give you 2 million ZH bitcoms to invest in the pitched market. If you fail investment returns, your fiduciary responsibility becomes x3 the money put in. IB are laughing at this post. Just wait until is become status quo. Your reserves will evaporate under HFT current regulations to protect the taxpayer funded global banking institute.
ya Great Depression, they are laughing all the way to the bank, until they don't. Keep believing the lie my friend, and you too will get burned, you know why, cause we all are going to be burned. Just a matter of time. tick tock
Were they also pumping gold, or do conspiracy theories only apply to DJIA, S&P and NASDAQ?
No. The Chinese are wild about the DJIA, S&P and NASDAQ but not so much gold. /s
Do you really not understand how the S&P futures are the tail that wags the Dow dog?
Those Algos are taking on very human charactoristics. Like who knew that an Algorithm had a place in the Hamptons?
No this is Friday humor
http://deadspin.com/pranked-tv-station-reports-ho-lee-fuk-wi-tu-lo-as-758955806?fb_action_ids=10201485654128318&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210201485654128318%22%3A269621709842273%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210201485654128318%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D
LULZ
This was only to show you that the FED has absolute control when in fact it is losing it fast. The FED is approaching oxygen deprivation.
Bang'n da muppets at da close.
You gots a better way to not have to make an honest living?
Algos are people too (at least to some analysts).
Sore losers ... all of ya's ~
Green shoots always causes backfire. We should enjoy a cheap version of 'The Empire Tries to Taper III'. The US tries to frontrun a paper collapse in my opinion. It will succeed.
That is not madness.
that is P A N I C
Remember MFGlobal buying up all italian bonds with extreme leverage and then using client's money to try to keep italian bond prices up when prices fell hence margin call?
That's what's happening. Somebody is using client's money in order to raise DOW's price and avoid margin calls.
We're too close to .......over.
Fed is using client money?
This is new to me.
primary dealers
i thought it was taxpayer money this time.
primary dealers have leveraged taxpayer money
Do not have to say this (I am compelled) but EKM thanks for your clarity.
thx a lot
humbled
what do they own that they are afraid of getting a margin call on?
all bonds and stocks owned are based on 3-5% margin
the rest is leverage = money out nothing
people confuse leverage with debt
leverage is not debt
understood, but MFG blew up because PIIG yields blew out on them. In actuality they were just early, it would have been the best trade ever for them. But once yields blew out, it was over.
So what will play the role of PIIG bonds this time?
the whole financial sector is the piig bond
huge financial sector unemployment arriving by Triple Lehman event
which will relieve claims on commodities from big banks
a lot poorer finance guys, more real commodities avaialble for consumption of common people
and all in all, to preserve USD as world currency
gotcha, entropy increases
Clausius -- The entropy of the universe tends to a maximum.
Buckle up.
Got one for my fightclub friends...
Did you hear about the guy with the five dicks?
Yeah, well his pants fit like a glove!
Yes we did laugh at it.A different chart provider but none the less we laughed at it ,then saw this on ZH and laughed a lot more because of how ridiculously blatant it was and that the world seems to know it.
SPY And IVV closed unchanged (+/- 0.04%).
Well, if you want a soundtrack for this crapola casino:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mbBbFH9fAg
Enjoy! the shitstorm cometh...won't you come, black hole sun, won't you come, and wash away the rain....
WHAM!!!!!!!
Wake me up before you go-goDon't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high
According to CIBC World Markets:
The world remains a place where enormous amounts of debt just keep stacking up. Paying this debt back is constantly believed to be less of an issue given the crucial assumption that economic growth rates in the order of 3% to 5% will return AND will be sustainable. Even if it does, it must be noted that “total payback” of the debt could be unlikely to ever be achieved. At some US$18 trillion of total debt in the U.S., it would take 14,400 million ounces of gold or some 160 years’ worth of annual global gold mined supply (at the current price of some US$1,240/oz. and at current global output of some 2,800 tonnes per annum) to pay this down. At the same time, gold production is about to take an almighty knock and we won’t be surprised to see as much as 25% less gold output in the next five years.
Still, much of this precarious (let’s just stop the debt load from growing) position is critically dependant on very low interest rates being maintained – once rates start moving higher, debt repayment schedules quickly blow out, while the value of bonds, in particular government bonds, starts to decline. The current dramatic decline in the value of government bonds will already see banks’ balance sheets shrinking again, with possible resultant liquidity squeezes across the globe. Euro sovereign debt costs are already up dramatically and Italy is seemingly also sitting with an apparent +30 billion euro loss in the derivatives market…
This could very quickly turn out to be a very bad scenario, but the point, as far as we are concerned, is really that it does not even need to get to this for the markets to start realizing that currencies will have to depreciate much further – we believe this to be a crucial mechanism for delivering lower sovereign debt levels long term. Gold will be the currency that continues to benefit in the longer term. So, making a positive case for the gold price is not too difficult – particularly if inflation becomes a problem much sooner than everybody currently expects.
The real problem, unfortunately, is that all of this argument is dependant on data that will only become apparent much later down the line. Right now, nobody is willing to go against the Fed. That simply means bonds and gold are both getting the “chop” because the Fed is signaling a return to stronger economic growth – leading to a stronger U.S. dollar.
USSA wants its bitch back
US Calls On Egyptian Army To Free Ex-President Mohamed Morsi
http://www.businessinsider.com/us-morsi-free-egypt-2013-7
On today’s Noon newscast on KTVU, the station claimed it had “just learned the names of the 4 pilots on board” Asiana flight 214 which crashed last Saturday. But the station was given bad information that made it all the way into the newscast. If you read the names it becomes immediately clear this is a joke, which went unnoticed by the newsroom, producers and the anchor.
You’ll recall earlier this week, KTVU toutedits coverage as being not only first, but “100% accurate.”
“Being first on air and on every platform in all aspects of our coverage was a great accomplishment, but being 100% accurate, effectively using our great sources and social media without putting a single piece of erroneous information on our air, is what we are most proud of as a newsroom,” said News Director Lee Rosenthal at the time.
http://www.mediabistro.com/tvspy/epic-ktvu-fail-anchor-reports-pilot-names-including-sum-ting-wong-and-wi-tu-lo_b97368
Amazing! Thanks for the laugh.
what ramp do you speak of tyler?
cnbc told me that ''investors'' were pouring into this great market, people are just seeing great things, people just cant stop buying, thats what it is, no ramp by the fed and bankers ( sarc)
I Love Big Brother
https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSBHjBu7LudZb1VBwy8...
And This Is Why, Ain't Nobody Better Than...MY MAIN MAN!!
CRIMINALS, beware, your days are numbered!...You'll run, but to no avail...Right?
411shares..Entire government of Luxembourg resigns after spying and corruption scandal forces its prime minister to quit.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2360592/Entire-government-Luxemb...
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
If they were real hardened criminals like our leaders they would never resign...Wake me up when Plastic Pelosi or J Boneher resign.
Levered SHORT 3X at the close. Long UVXY. Thanks benny and the lying scumbags at the stupid fed. I'm going to love the next several years of DEPRESSION and market CRASHES you created by your greed and arrogance. You however, will not like being hunted down and KILLED by the PEOPLE for your crimes against humanity. Better run and hide NOW benny. Your thieving fraud for yourself and the .01% is toast. The 99.99% will KILL ALL of you. Can't wait for the fun to begin.
I was trading /es long the last few minutes of the regular seesion. I am sure glad I closed out my position before the "bell" <whew!>