Government Workers Told Not To Work On "Any Projects, Tasks, Activities Or Respond To Emails Or Voicemails"

Tyler Durden's picture


Dear government workers: welcome to the private sector. This is what it feels like to have job insecurity. For the past 7 hours, some 800,000 suddenly idle Federal workers received furlough notices but were told they will still have to report to work for about four hours Tuesday even though the government is shutting down. Or, rather "work." As AP reports, various federal agencies said employees would be limited to doing work related to the shutdown, including changing voicemail messages, posting an out-of-office message on email, securing work stations and documents and completing time cards. At the Environmental Protection Agency, for example, employees were told they cannot work on "any projects, tasks, activities or respond to emails." The more cynical ones out there may ask: just how is that any change?

More on today's shutdown chronology from AP:

The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development said it will close its offices at 1:30 p.m. Other agencies, such as the Labor Department, expect most employees to be gone by mid-day, but haven't set a specific time.

Once they head home, furloughed employees are under strict orders not to do any work. That means no sneaking glances at Blackberries or smart phones to check emails, no turning on laptop computers, no checking office voicemail, and no use of any other government-issued equipment.


Office managers are encouraging workers to leave government-issued cell phones and computers in a secure place at the office. Those employees who work from home may find it more difficult to break the habit of checking emails or looking at documents.


Employees will receive an official e-mail on Tuesday explaining whether or not they are essential or slated to be furloughed. The email will include appeal rights and a form to use for seeking unemployment insurance. Some workers may be eligible for unemployment depending where they live. Some states require a one-week waiting period before applying, while others allow workers to apply right away.


Federal workers would not see their pay affected right away. If a shutdown continues, all employees can expect to be paid on schedule on Oct. 15, 2013 for hours worked from Sept. 22 through Sept. 30.

Certainly, when one sees efficiency like that at not working what can one say but: government work. Hopefully the shutdown does not endure, or else "broken email checking habits" may persist, and suddenly government workers may become even more inefficient once they return to "work."

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Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:16 | 4008988 goldenbuddha454
goldenbuddha454's picture

Even the market likes the shutdown, dow up 51 pts pre-market

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:20 | 4008992 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Word has been sent to the not hold the markets back.


Feels like Christmas morning.


The beast has been wounded......this is good for us. You've got to feel a little stoked about our future here.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:38 | 4009041 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

Just went to to see how it was working.

In a word... clusterfuck

From a programmer's point of view, the website is a joke.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:00 | 4009106 RKDS
RKDS's picture

I've seen much worse from Accenture's H1Bs.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:05 | 4009122 MagicHandPuppet
MagicHandPuppet's picture

Please stay shut, please stay shut, please stay shut... Ah he'll. it's useless. But I am a wee bit happy it is shut today!!

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:10 | 4009133 Clint Liquor
Clint Liquor's picture

Will the debt Clock run backwards today?

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:23 | 4009170 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

The Debt Clock is broke...

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:30 | 4009208 pepperspray
pepperspray's picture

shelter in place

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:39 | 4009248 Mr. Magoo
Mr. Magoo's picture

they cannot work on "any projects, tasks, activities or respond to emails."

But, Watching porn is encouraged

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 09:10 | 4009357 toady
toady's picture

They cannot work on "any projects, tasks, activities or respond to emails."

So, business as usual ...

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 10:33 | 4009692 bread n circuses
bread n circuses's picture

The IRS actually owes me around $10k but I'd give that up in a heartbeat if they never opened their doors again.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 12:03 | 4010118 espirit
espirit's picture

Just a little note to any .gov employee not working today because of the shutdown...


Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:50 | 4009277 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

No, it will just slow down a little. The government will flush money down the toilet to get into more debt, but it will never stop the debt bubble.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:07 | 4009123 MagicHandPuppet
MagicHandPuppet's picture

Dear gubmint "workers": F You!

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:35 | 4009229 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Who do you think programmed that site? Government employees?

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:46 | 4009060 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Oh no!!  NOT THE EPA!!  

The Earth will burn!  The polar bears will starve!  All the endangered species will vanish!  And we'll all die of mercury poisoning and sunburns from ozone depletion!


Look!  Futures are crashing on this news!

We're doooomed....

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:44 | 4009262 CaptainObvious
CaptainObvious's picture

Oh, woe is me!  Now the EPA won't be able to fine us $75,000 a day for building on arbitrarily labelled wetlands that we own!  Whatever shall we do?

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:54 | 4009296 whirling tword ...
whirling tword freedom's picture

Maybe this will keep their SWAT team from getting armored vehicles.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 10:04 | 4009570 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Hybrid no doubt.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:49 | 4009234 whirling tword ...
whirling tword freedom's picture


Reid is name calling and won't consider any proposal except total victory... the MSM is working overtime on demonizing the conservatives.... The republicans will cave in about a week once the endless procession of horror stories about things like PTSD patients not getting care roll in.

Obungo care rolls out on wobbily legs like the creature from the black lagoon to devour our healthcare system bit by bit as we watch in horror... now our government truly has the ability to tell us whether we live or die.  While our POTUS decides who is more equal and chooses which provisions he will enforce and other he will not... who gets another year exemption and who does not, the public seethes with anger.

Meanwhile, in another court somewhere in D.C.... a Judge rules that it will hear the case over papers ( the ones he claimed he never saw and nobody in his administration ever saw ) they somehow claimed executive priv. over in the fast and furious case.

The lawlessness truly is so out of control, it's hard to believe.

When something does come out as information, how do we even believe one word they say at this point???

I hope the U.S. can live with itself.... All the blood of all the patriots shed for our freedom is being squandered... We fought so hard for our freedom and liberty and we give it away to corrupt, out of control tyranical government.



Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:36 | 4009033 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

Anyone got the bid/ask for the online porn stocks?

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:18 | 4008991 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Snow Day! 

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:32 | 4009022 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

"Government Workers Told Not To Work On "Any Projects, Tasks, Activities Or Respond To Emails Or Voicemails"

So this is just like every other day.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:06 | 4009117 NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

It's a fucking joke.  That little clause is designed to instill absolute maximum pain to the public that might use those government services.  People can't get answers, panic, and suddenly the press has more stories on how terrible the government shutdown is.  God forbid a pensioner or veteran get an answer to something while this political farse goes on.



Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:22 | 4009172 Quentin Daniels
Quentin Daniels's picture

No this is different to usual, now they're not getting paid for not working, a much better arrangement from the taxpayers perspective.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:17 | 4008993 Leonardo Fibonacci2
Leonardo Fibonacci2's picture

robots out full force to ramp market.  Today Dow up +300 points.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:19 | 4008994 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

What about SEC watching porn? So, is the CFTC shut too? Not that it matters, since they didnt do shit before yesterday anyways..

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:26 | 4009013 fredquimby
Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:41 | 4009051 Tabarnaque
Tabarnaque's picture

At least I hope that these bastards and mother fuckers won't get paid. Fuck'em all. 

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:00 | 4009103 Herodotus
Herodotus's picture

I bet that Jon Corzine is breathing a sigh of relief!


Tue, 10/01/2013 - 10:09 | 4009597 LawyerScum
LawyerScum's picture

After the herculean efforts the boys at the CFTC exerted investigating silver manipulation, don't you think they deserve a rest?

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:30 | 4009019 Reader1
Reader1's picture

But, but, who will regulate us?  Who will tell us NO!  NO!  NO!  NO!  NO! if they aren't there at work today?  Dear GOD!  It's going to be hell!  Dogs and cats, living together, total anarchy!

I declare Shenanigans!

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:54 | 4009093 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Read it again - "Any Projects, Tasks, Activities Or Respond To Emails Or Voicemails", that all sounds like normal boring work...looks to me like porn is unaffected.  Besides, apart from corruption and porn they do very little every day when the government is operating, so telling them not to do something they don't do anyway seems redundant...that crap is for sheeple consumption!

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:19 | 4008997 petaloka
petaloka's picture

Can they still play solitare?

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:21 | 4009001 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:24 | 4009010 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Make mine an extra large!

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:36 | 4009032 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



The FDA is shutdown.....use as much as you'd like.


You'll have to supply it yourself......we're not going to give it to you for free.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:36 | 4009223 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

Nope.  Mooooooooochele is still working.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:38 | 4009045 Apostate2
Apostate2's picture

Perhaps some chili?

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:42 | 4009055 Tabarnaque
Tabarnaque's picture

Banana Republic

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:44 | 4009062 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

I know this is a dream, but imagin if they keep this Repub vs Demo theatre up for a few more weeks, it drifts into the debt ceiling farce, more blame and shit and indecision.  Then, those actually working in the private sector actually start to realise they don't need those fuckers and everyone starts to just get on with it

... back to the bottle.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:51 | 4009080 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

mmmmmm... dreams

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 08:55 | 4009301 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

"Then, those actually working in the private sector actually start to realise they don't need those fuckers and everyone starts to just get on with it

... back to the bottle."

All five million people still employed in the private sector?

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:25 | 4009006 Zero Point
Zero Point's picture

Next time I'm on holiday (I get one every couple of years being self employed), and arguing with my wife for answering work emails every day... I'll play a tiny violin for the .gov "workers".

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:25 | 4009009 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Breaking : US Governement shuts down, markets elated at the (however fleeting) thought of global peace and prosperity!

Meanwhile, POTUS tries to whip up a populist frenzy on the horrors of a government shutdown, for all of those government workers who are all so essential to your existence (interesting ontological questions, even in the midst of the absurd).

Mr. Bernanke is still printing bad, but he is not the government, is he.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 09:30 | 4009411 sleigher
sleigher's picture

I wonder if this is cover for something much more sinister.  Just thinking out loud...

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:25 | 4009012 Unstable Condition
Unstable Condition's picture

Who will watch porn and spam comment sections on websites now?


Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:48 | 4009072 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

Citizen> We at the NSA are still working and watching YOU.

Robo Cyber Analyst Algo 66667879-98A

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:50 | 4009079 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



I'd like to think there's a little Eric Snowden in all of us.

Tue, 10/01/2013 - 07:54 | 4009092 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

True that Goldfinger dude.

Fuck 'em all... we know THEY are watching and we no longer fucking care... got that NSA?

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