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Raging Boehner Punctures Rally

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It was all going so well... restating the same old news that Boehner would not end the world was working for a few more points every time and managed to get the S&P up to "shutdown" levels to run the stops. But then, reality hit...

  • *BOEHNER SAID TO TELL MEMBERS HE WON'T PUT CLEAN CR ON FLOOR
  • *BOEHNER SAYS 'THIS ISN'T SOME DAMN GAME'
  • *BOEHNER SAYS HE HAS NO INTENTION OF `ROLLING OVER' ON SPENDING

And sure enough stocks start to tumble...

 

 

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Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:25 | 4022646 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

8====D

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:29 | 4022676 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

So... are the algos extra sensitive to curse words?

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:34 | 4022692 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Fucken A.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:47 | 4022757 redpill
redpill's picture

If I didn't know better I'd say this post title was some kind of double ententre.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:52 | 4022770 akak
akak's picture

Tyler sure had a lot of spunk posting that.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:16 | 4022855 max2205
max2205's picture

Looks green to me

 

Fed workers to get backpay....nice 'work' if you can get it

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 14:58 | 4023383 rockraider3
rockraider3's picture

Backpay and Unemployment Benefits in the meantime.  Not bad for sitting at home catching up on Dancing with Stars re-runs.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 16:56 | 4023766 August
August's picture

>>>Fed workers to get backpay....nice 'work' if you can get it

But then the Federal Worker comes to the end of his life and, I suspect, deep down inside knows that he has lived life in the shallows, and accomplished next to nothing at all. 

FWIW, I have been a state employee myself, and there are some good, "hard-working" government employees.  However, most are indeed drones, or worse.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:20 | 4022880 Agent P
Agent P's picture

There's only two options for a raging Boehner:

1) Let it calm down on its own

2) Rub it out

Now that I think of it, there's really only one option.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:29 | 4022906 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

If there's a raging Boehner for more than 4 hours he should seek immediate medical attention.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:31 | 4022911 redpill
redpill's picture

What's orange & white and hard as a rock?

 

 

 

 

 

A creamsicle of course!

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 13:08 | 4023041 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Crusaders are visual, among many other weaknesses.

Boehner should show Harry a chart of govt spending after the Clinton shutdown.

Also Show Harry a chart of personal incomes after the shutdown.

Inform Harry that if they are expecting the IRS to collect the fines, they need MOAR IRS agents. (I will do my part by opening a local funeral home).

Spending stops the hard way, that was the agreement.

As expected, the red side is taking the blame and is on fire. When taking one for the team, it is important not to lose focus, although it is nearly impossible.

Now would be a good time to play a few rounds of golf, hell, bring the ladies, relax a little, and let Barry and the kids experience a little of that heat.

FOR THE NEXT TEN DAYS.

Be the guy on fire that takes out the bad element, not the guy on fire that drops to the ground in a heap.

We're going to find out which one you are.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:33 | 4022695 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

Agitate the Boehner long enough, and he will explode and make a terrible orange-colored, sticky mess.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:37 | 4022726 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture
Raging Boehner Punctures Rally

i thought boehner did pinpricks too?

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:57 | 4022797 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Not to worry. Buy stocks NOW.

Boehner gets drunk early on Fridays and says the most inappropriate things.  He'll settle down by Monday.

Besides, they still have 13 days to capture their 15 minutes of primetime fame and then raise the ceiling.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:25 | 4022649 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Raging Boehner Punctures Rally

 

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:29 | 4022675 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Boehner and Reid

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:32 | 4022683 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Harry + Boehner

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:40 | 4022713 flacon
flacon's picture

- Eh-hhhehe... he just said... "boner". Eh-hehehehe.

- Yeah! Yeah! Stiff as a "Ried"! Yeah! Yeah!

- Shut-up Bevis, you don't even know that "Oh-BUMB-ahh" is president. Eh-hehehhee

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:17 | 4022863 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

wood.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:25 | 4022650 superflex
superflex's picture

Wheeeeeeeee

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 16:43 | 4022918 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

Raging Boner said "This isn't a damn game."

Oh...yes it is.  The floogates ARE WIDE OPEN at the RNC and the DNC right now.  I had heard recently where the DNC was just about broke right before this KABUKI THEATRE 3000 shit storm happened.  And to dovetail over to the Repukelican side of things I have heard ever more stories about challengers to the old guard.

This whole lie of a story is about filling the coffers of both parties in order to stave off both concerns.

Just like when James Baker the Secretary of State under the Bush I: "The Elder" when asked to explain why we were going to war with Iraq in the 90's he said, "If you want to sum it up in a word...it's jobs."

Same thing here....only it's Raging Boner's job and old man Reid and Botox Peelosi's job at stake here.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:28 | 4022662 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

It's the spending.  Could Boehner finally be getting it?

 

"Thoguth Experiment: Who was at the Helm?"

http://tinyurl.com/pha34tx

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:31 | 4022681 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Ummm... no.

They're playing the game they've been told to play, as it's all they know.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:35 | 4022702 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Stick to the script, boys.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:37 | 4022714 knukles
knukles's picture

DCRB
Happy Birthday this week....
K

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:51 | 4022991 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Thanks, knukles!  Now I get to be one of those guys say: "Ah, this is the hardest year yet!"

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:28 | 4022666 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

"I am Sparticus."

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:27 | 4022667 Cdad
Cdad's picture

This "market" is beyond pathetic.  This is what the criminal syndicate known as Wall Street has devolved too...algo trading E mini contracts against congressional sound bites.

In the meantime, we're still broke, the economy is still broken, and equities continue to find NO BUYERS.  The Fed is still printing banana tree republic dollars, the govt is still spending money it does not have [and never will], and the crime wave via Wall Street bankers is still raging on.

This is just great.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:29 | 4022669 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

LMFAO...That's the funniest headline you've had in a while Tyler.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:28 | 4022673 20-20 Hindsight
20-20 Hindsight's picture

Blah... blah... blah.  Again, DJ (or should we call it BJ) is all based on rumours and hopium.  Two hours from now, Bohner will say: "hey listen, I was just venting a little bit of frustration.  I'm always open to negotiation."  And, so up goes Blow Job Dow Jones again.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:29 | 4022674 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

It's clearly been much longer than 4 hours.  He should call his doctor.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:31 | 4022677 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture
  • *BOEHNER SAYS HE HAS NO INTENTION OF `ROLLING OVER' ON SPENDING

Can I call bullshit? Buuuuuuulllllllllshiiiiiiiiiiit!

BTW, has anyone seen the documentary The Act Of Killing? It's quite disturbing.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:36 | 4022934 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

*BOEHNER SAYS HE HAS NO INTENTION OF `ROLLING OVER' ON SPENDING

A lot of girls say that before the wine and roses and roofies come out.  Miss Boehner is no different.  That's why it's called rape.  And the Republicans are VERY good about being the raped.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:31 | 4022680 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

sounds painful.....

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:33 | 4022689 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Would the world rather have Boehner and Obama, Graham and Feinstein, or would they prefer to have the decisions being made by open source software that is overseen by volunteers in each of the 50 states?

Replace those Washington D.C. globalist traitors with software. They are making the citizens of the United States of America look like fools.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:47 | 4022752 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

Not fools, LIVESTOCK. The herders are the ones that look like fools.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:28 | 4022905 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

You are kidding, aren't you? Computers running things? Ever heard of War Games, or Collusus, the Forbin Project, or Skynet, or any of those other fictional stories? They're a warning. Going open source doesn't solve everything, and besides it will probably get infiltrated by NSA, KGB, Mossad, Iranian Cyber Army, and more people less savory than Kevin Mitnick. No thanks. Besides, sooner or later you run into the need for some proprietary software and when that happens, watch out. Even Linux has had that problem: http://www.tomshardware.com/news/nvidia-linux-basemosaic-ubuntu-parity,24519.html 

Better six or seven billion people making their own decisions with no government interference beyond making sure they don't kill one another. 

BTW, the citizens of the United States of America make themselves look like fools, it isn't the DC globalist traitors. The video of people choosing the ACA or Obamacare illustrates the point perfectly.

 

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:34 | 4022696 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   Lord Viagra hath spoken...

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:35 | 4022698 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

What if they gave a government shutdown and nobody noticed? Except for reporters who had to work hard just to find an interview with some sympathetic person that was actually affected.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:35 | 4022700 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

this is all just to increase blankfein's bonus.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:37 | 4022711 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

Are we going to get some tears?  You know, so we can see he is serious.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:43 | 4022735 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

the conundrum I have is we continue to support the drug habit of DC

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:42 | 4022737 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

Don't believe these bastards... they are MAD that Obamacare didn't pass.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/report-closed-door-gop-meeting-wit...

Report: Closed-Door GOP Meeting With Cruz Turned Into 'Lynch Mob'

A report published Friday by The New York Times shed more light on the private lunch, indicating that Sens. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH), Dan Coats (R-IN) and Ron Johnson (R-WI) blasted Cruz for leading the charge to block funding for the Affordable Care Act, a quixotic effort that led to the government shutdown.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:49 | 4022767 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

Fucking RINO bastards......

one part rule lives.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:20 | 4022879 JR
JR's picture

“Unnamed senator” says it all. This story by the Times came from an “unnamed senator.”

The mad leftists will use any kind of verbal attack and, we’re learning, packets of lies to overtalk their opponents.

Cruz is not the king of shutdown. It’s the will of the American people and Republican members of the House of Representatives who are only voting in the interest of the people to stop ObamaCare that is the reason that this Leviathan government, a lying media and a lying president have created this crisis and have shut down the government.

The most glaring examples of lies lately involved a so-called list of Republicans jumping ship to vote for a clean funding bill.  Congressman Devin Nunes, whose name is on this fake list, is all over the airwaves trying to explain that he’s a victim of these lies as he never said he was jumping ship nor does he intend to.

But the fact that the list is a fake never stopped the lying media, such as Huffington Post, from publishing it.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:22 | 4022888 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

So you believe that all these RINOs are in fact not RINOs? REALLY? After all the lies they have told over the years? Please.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 13:06 | 4023034 JR
JR's picture

I am saying that there’s a chance to hold back ObamaCare, that this tsunami of socialism, this tool of the private bankers "to consolidate and control the wealth” can be stopped if the Republicans in the House and those Democrats who stand with them, stand firm. I don’t care if they’re RINOs, Conservatives, Democrats, Independents, or washouts.

I want ObamaCare stopped and I’ll fight for anybody who’s in there to defund it.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:44 | 4022746 auntiesocial
auntiesocial's picture

heh heh. heh heh. he said raging boner.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:45 | 4022749 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Really? Because all I see on Bloomberg is a sea of green along with a steady diet of hopetimism. (Hope and optimism together, I made a new word!).

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-10-04/u-s-stock-futures-rise-as-inves...

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:48 | 4022761 akak
akak's picture

With a leader named "Boner", it makes one surprised that Bawney Fwank has not gone over to the other team.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:08 | 4022827 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

If only the Jeffries group Dick Handler decided to go politico...

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:43 | 4022953 One of We
One of We's picture

And I used to think Dick Armey was slang for the bunch of dicks in congress but then I found out he was just a member of the dick army.  And when on a date with loose women (or members of congress) always remember to wear your Dick Helm.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:48 | 4022762 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture
  • *TSAR POINTLESS SAID TO TELL MEMBERS HE WON'T PUT CLEAN CUM RAG ON FLOOR
  • *TSAR POINTLESS SAYS 'THIS IS SOME GANG BANG'
  • *TSAR POINTLESS SAYS HE HAS EVERY INTENTION OF `ROLLING OVER' FOR SPANKING
Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:51 | 4022772 JR
JR's picture

It’s time to pick sides. Do the criticisms of Boehner here mean the side they’ve selected in this war is the position of compromise and surrender of the American capitalistic system?

For the “clean” bill is the green light to a future of Fed tyranny, unlimited fiat currency, socialism backed with NSA surveillance, and a massive transfer of wealth from the producers to the State.

The American people do not have a voice through the media and certainly not the President. Their only way to save themselves, their families and their descendants is to have the Congress, as flawed as it is, vote for them.

At this point, a ruptured stock market and a “raging” Boehner can only be good news for patriots. To defeat Boehner is to defeat yourself, whether you have gold or Apple stock.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:02 | 4022802 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

I can tell you're not a Harlem Globetrotters fan.  But do you seriously think the Washington Generals would do anything different, given the chance?  By the way, it isn't "socialism" in any way when you are forced to pay taxes to a private corporation.  The word you are looking for is "fascism."

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:13 | 4022837 akarc
akarc's picture

SPot on! Just like the public can't the the difference between Obamacare and Apffordable Health Care they can't tell the difference between Patriotism and Nationalism or Socialism and "fascism."

There are consequences for "Stupid" The country is now paying them. 


Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:39 | 4022941 JR
JR's picture

And apparently you can't tell the difference between Harry Reid's postion and Boehner's.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:34 | 4022923 JR
JR's picture

Vote with Harry Reid then, at your peril.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 15:14 | 4023464 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

When either one acknowledges some reality, then maybe.  For instance, there's no fixing the Federal budget without knocking a zero off of military spending, and while stuffing a $Trillion a year into the gaping hole in the hull of the finance industry.  I'm not choosing between which clown wants me to pay money to which insurance company via which conveyance, and shutting down government over it into the bargain.  Or next week, when we pretend we don't know that the biggest holders of Treasury bonds are retirees, and that the argument over the debt ceiling is really about whether retirement savings get "Cyprussed" quickly or slowly.

Until I hear something that isn't patently insulting nonsense, I'm not going for the false dichotomy.  Different fingers, same glove.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:21 | 4022878 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

Man you hit all the key "buzz words". "American Capitalist System", "Socialism", "Tyranny", "transfer of wealth", "patriots"...Fucking amazing.

Bravo. Your parroting is top notch.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:37 | 4022929 JR
JR's picture

Thanks for the compliment. There are two sides in this war. At the moment, Boehner is speaking for me. Who is speaking for you?

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 15:39 | 4023561 starfcker
starfcker's picture

jr, you're right on the money. this site is built around the idea 'when will it stop', the dude (boehner) stands up on his hind legs and lays his ears back, i don't know how far he will take it, but i damn sure like what i'm seeing. it has to start somewhere.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:52 | 4022778 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

this is the government americans deserve.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 11:55 | 4022784 ATG
ATG's picture

New highs directly ahead

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:05 | 4022814 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

 

Zimbabwe levels.

DOW 36,000 quadrillion.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:02 | 4022807 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

welcome to Washington DC, home to the largest three ring circus, freak show on earth.

where the republicrat lemmings work hard every day to destroy the republic by pretending to argue all the time, but in reality they consistently agree that you and I should have as few civil liberties and as little economic independence as possible.

oh yeah, and as a side note it appears the DC capitol police are now in the business of summarily executing unarmed, 34 year old single moms with post partem depression...

and getting a standing ovation for it from the pussies hiding behind the gate she tried, unsuccessfully, to ram with her car. 

shoot first and...

ah, the hell with it don't even bother with the questions, this is what happens when you intentionally militarize a civilian police force, everyone dies, from moms to 107 year old men, to mentally retarded boys riding around on bikes without reflectors.

oh well, at least thanks to the bravery and dedication to preserve life of the DC capitol police we can rest assured we get to watch and listen to these statesmen play out this theater of the absurd to the bitter defaulted end...

lucky us.       

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:19 | 4022868 max2205
max2205's picture

Looks like Ben is prop'ng up the market again....till Barry tells him to hit the sell button

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:04 | 4022810 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Boehner must be making millions in the market this month. 

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:09 | 4022824 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

‘In finance, default occurs when a debtor has not met his or her legal obligations according to the debt contract, e.g. has not made a scheduled payment, or has violated a loan covenant (condition) of the debt contract. A default is the failure to pay back a loan. Default may occur if the debtor is either unwilling or unable to pay his or her debt. This can occur with all debt obligations including bonds, mortgages, loans, and promissory notes.’

 

Quiet on the set.. Take Two

Blankfein: Bankers Warned Obama of Default Risks

 QUIET!! Take three

Obama on raising the Debt Ceiling during his 2008 Campaign

 That’s it, everyone leave the set immediately. Take Four

Obama: "Raising The Debt Ceiling, It Doesn't Cost A Dime"

 

 Time to cut off the dependent children on Wall Street.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:08 | 4022826 The worst trader
The worst trader's picture

Why are we rallying anyway?

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:12 | 4022843 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

tradition.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:52 | 4022990 bornlastnight
bornlastnight's picture

Why not, 2 tits?

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:09 | 4022828 dog eat dog
dog eat dog's picture

Sounds like a bad case of cock block.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:34 | 4022924 dot_bust
dot_bust's picture

Excellent headline, Tyler! :)

In a card game, would a Congressman see someone's Boehner and raise him a Boehner?

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:51 | 4022980 bornlastnight
bornlastnight's picture

Boehner to Reid:

 

Roll me over in the clover

Roll me over in the clover, do it again.

 

That's all the words I know...but Reid will finish the song for Boehner.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 13:06 | 4023037 Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

"Raging Boehner Punctures Rally"

Oh, that's one of your best.  LMFAO.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 13:08 | 4023045 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

"Raging Boehner"

      ~ I see what you did there ;-)

/sarc

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 15:22 | 4023497 Tortuga
Tortuga's picture

Git some Boehner.

AND

 

This is BS. No pain no gain. NO back pay. This defeats the purpose of shutting down the govt. They don’t work, they don’t get paid, taxpayer UNION rules. There are 20% of Americans that are unemployed and all safety mechanisms but food stamps have been exhausted.

RICO all banksters, IRS, DOJ, WH bureaucrats and their political hoars.

Fri, 10/04/2013 - 20:41 | 4024482 Amagnonx
Amagnonx's picture

Got to qualify as one of the best headlines ever :D

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