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Harry Reid Is One Optimistic Guy

Tyler Durden's picture





 

In the aftermath of the latest House Republican debacle, the Senate had no choice but to go back to where it was on Thursday morning, and attempt to cobble a deal together. Only unlike Thursday, it now has just a little over 24 hours, and a House that it knows will not play ball with pretty much anything that the Senate proposes (at least not until that ultimate arbiter Joe Biden shows up and starts laughing). So while the outcome of this latest regression to square 0 is unknown, one thing we do know is that when it comes to matters such as these, Harry Reid is one very optimistic guy.

As of moments ago: "Senator Reid and Senator McConnell have re-engaged in negotiations and are optimistic that an agreement is within reach,” said Adam Jentleson, Reid’s spokesman."

  • Not to be confused with October 14: "Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid opened the Senate session by saying he was 'very optimistic we will reach an agreement this week that's reasonable in nature."
  • ... or October 13: "As government shutdown talks shift to Senate, Reid optimistic despite no compromises"
  • ... or October 9: "I am optimistic, even though that is against my nature, that Republicans will not hold the full faith and credit of the United States hostage,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, a Nevada Democrat."
  • and so forth, and so on...

And sure enough, this was more than sufficient for stawks (in this case manifested by the 1.000 correlated JPY carry trade) which have the attention span of an ADHD vacuum tube on Aderall withdrawal, to forget that absolutely nothing has changed in the past week and that the various parties are now even more polarized than ever and a deal will be that more difficult to pull off, and to soar higher. Oblivious that as long as they keep soaring on "hoap", any real impetus - namely a stock market crash - to get a deal done will not be there.

But such is the market for reactive momo idiots that Bernanke has created.

 


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Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:00 | Link to Comment ghostfaceinvestah
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I hope Ted Cruz + Rand Paul + Mike Lee filibuster anything that comes up for a vote in the Senate.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 19:58 | Link to Comment Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Two wild and crazy guys

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:02 | Link to Comment Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

NQ is spitting distance from the all-time high.  Everything must be fixed.

This POS is going to go epic when they finally make a deal.  5% in one day.

I love this market.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:06 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Optimism
I remember a classic photo form the Vietnam era of a Buddhist monk immolating himself in protest

Now Harry, that's optimism.

Follow in the steps of the well trod path of enlightenment....

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:10 | Link to Comment max2205
max2205's picture

Dementia is cruel

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:21 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Well well well...

Looks like the trolls have been sent out in force tonight just in front of the demise of shit city...

Same as the severe intervention in the Gold and Silver markets.
Can't have them rallying in the face of Armageddon now, can we?

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:23 | Link to Comment Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

They say that the market does not like uncertainty.

Things are uncertain.

The market is near all-time highs.

This thing should rip over 10% in a few days, once they finally stop their little bickering.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:39 | Link to Comment SunRise
SunRise's picture

or burst into tatters on the news

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:12 | Link to Comment Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

circa 1979

 

 

The affidavit also revealed that some of the reputed mobsters felt they had control over at least one top Nevada official. Harry Reid, chairman of the Nevada Gaming Commission, has said federal authorities felt he was the "Mr. Clean" referred to in wiretapped conversations, But Reid has denied any connection to organized crime. http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=wEIrAAAAIBAJ&sjid=h54FAAAAIBAJ&pg=5...

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 00:20 | Link to Comment James-Morrison
James-Morrison's picture

Harry is always optomistic that he can "make an offer that you can't refuse".

(it helps to know low-life in high-places).

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:12 | Link to Comment max2205
max2205's picture

Wow what a rip...over 1700 again...ha ha...reminds me of Greece debt crisis market.....up up up

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:23 | Link to Comment Zer0head
Zer0head's picture

and cost of Greek debt

down down down

 

meanwhile the notion that sheep and greek go together wiith ECB, IMF, EC in kind of a threesomish, foursomish je ne sais quoi seems to have some wool to it

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:26 | Link to Comment Julian
Julian's picture

ditto

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:28 | Link to Comment johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

To quote an old friend of mine:

 

"Crack don't smoke itself"

 

Reid defines that.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:04 | Link to Comment DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

You're not giving him a fair chance. Every profession has its code words. For a recruiter "Projects a corporate image" translates to 'caucasian with blue eyes'. In real estate "quaint cottage" means 'old shack in disrepair'. For a politician like Harry "Optimistic" equals 'We're so screwed'

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:34 | Link to Comment GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

For Harry Reid, optimism results from decades of never being held to account for ceaseless lies, prevarications and underhanded dealings. Just once I'd like to see some reporter put Reid on the spot. That, of course, is as likely to happen as Boehner growing a set and throwing Obama's words right back at him about raising the debt limit indicatiog a failure of leadership.

 

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:05 | Link to Comment LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

"I hope Ted Cruz + Rand Paul + Mike Lee filibuster anything that comes up for a vote in the Senate."

Here's the wager.  If they do, we know they are the real McCoy and I stop calling out Rand Paul as a corporatist.  I haven't slammed Cruz or Lee yet but probably will in the future unless they filibuster.  If they don't, we get to lump them in with the rest of the fuckers and I get to do a victory lap and burn out the tires and drink champagne from a shoe or something.  Any takers?

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:09 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I just think both parties will take turns holding this up for a while. This whole thing is being done to give the free shit army a glimpse at the abyss. Government assistance programs will be temporarily shut off. The want people screaming for big brother to turn the lights back on. So while i believe it's possible Cruz etc may fliibuster or whatever, it's not because they are the real anything. They are just another pawn playing their role. 

During this experiment gold will fall, treasuries will rally and stocks will just hang out, bored, waiting for the next move up. 

 

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:16 | Link to Comment LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Yeah, I suppose I should caveat my bet with "if they drag it out for a meaningful period of time that is well into next year", but what the hell.  I don't even think they have the balls to fillibuster for show this month.  Doing so may actually cause some grassroots support which is the last thing the Banker Party wants.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:32 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Yeah agreed. Or there would have to be other parameters. For example a 25% drop in stocks, or a sharp move higher in bond yields coupled with an announcement from China that they are exiting UST's; (although I think the fed would not sweat over it) or a substanial move higher ( I'm talking $500, not some $7 move that we claim is soaring) in gold. Something that would not fit the narrative of the U.S is awesome despite it's troubles.

 - I take it all back LTER it looks like this time they are very concerned.

http://nypost.com/2013/10/15/us-rep-grimm-gal-pal-disappear-into-bar-bathroom-for-17-minutes/

double edit - I see some people have not fell far enough down the rabbit hole. Speak up. Let's hear it.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:36 | Link to Comment LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

hehehehe.  He said "smear campaign."

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:44 | Link to Comment NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I have dry powder since July (as I've said on here many times before).  I'm itching to use it.  But I'm not getting jumpy.  Patience.  The longer this goes past the 17th, the better.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:37 | Link to Comment GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Country Club Republicans would rather lose an election to a Democrat than win one with a conservative candidate.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:17 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Have to agree with you on this.  However, should they screw it up and miss a 'Stop' sign, the resulting crash could start something they cannot control adequately without extreme measures. Those measures in themselves could bring about changes they aren't prepared for...

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:21 | Link to Comment El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Cruz's wife is a squid bankstress.  He has a whole lot of work to do to get me to trust that he hasn't been or won't be coopted by the bankers. 

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:44 | Link to Comment j0nx
j0nx's picture

Amen brother. She is former JPM and currently with the squid. This guy is tonsils deep in bankster cock regardless of what you choose to believe. The squid owns everything bitches. Best get used to it. I'd love to believe he's the real deal but anything that Jamie and Lloyd have touched is tainted goods.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:51 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Talk about the flow of insdie information.

Holy Shit

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:11 | Link to Comment AlamoJack
AlamoJack's picture

Roger that Cowboy.  Cruz is "just too, too perfect" to be all you want him to be (and the Republican party wants him to be.)  The people here in Texas are all gaga over him.  I've voted for 100's if not 1000's of Republicans since 1970 (no, NOT Tricky Dik).  See where it got me?  The only Repub that I don't regret is RP.  Truth teller extroadinaire.

Burma Shave

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:38 | Link to Comment goldenbuddha454
goldenbuddha454's picture

Are you still going to do that thing you talked about if we default?

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:44 | Link to Comment LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I've been buttering my asshole all week.  Tomorrow I'm going to squat in a bowl of gin.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:45 | Link to Comment goldenbuddha454
goldenbuddha454's picture

I'm cryin, I'm tearin up, I just spit coffee across the room!

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:44 | Link to Comment goldenbuddha454
goldenbuddha454's picture

I think you said, 'I will eat my own ... if we default'?

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:10 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

I hope a twenty thousand pound, rabid, shit eating dog gobbles up Washington D.C. and everyone in it. If you're going to hope, hope big, Bitchez..........

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:14 | Link to Comment RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

That would produce one helluva dog shit....

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:21 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Shovel ready jobs. For realz this time......

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:28 | Link to Comment LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

If the First dog shits on Air Force One and no one is around to smell it (because they are golfing or blowing a banker or arming Al Queda), does it make a smell?

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:32 | Link to Comment El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Probably not, because it cannot overpower the putrid stench of corruption left by Obama.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:46 | Link to Comment Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

To be honest with you I hope one of them do Filibuster in the senate. Our system is screwed up, we need to show the world what the US truly is like.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:12 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

REID PRESS CONFERENCE

"I agree we need some help-but the BRos always wins!"

Dick Fuld

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:02 | Link to Comment thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

http://www.sgxniftydowfutureslive.com/index_files/DOWFUTURES.htm

 

just fucking laugh. from - 15 dow pts to up 70 and prob only going higher on the same bullshit that has been said the past week.

 

its like the market rallys on the same bullshit rumors that are false time after time.

 

just in time for asia to be green tonight on this shit

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:10 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Well, at least thismarketisntrigged...

(maniacial laughter)

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:00 | Link to Comment ArisAron
ArisAron's picture

Fuck you Hairy Dweeb.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:01 | Link to Comment emsolý
emsolý's picture

At least he's not 100% confident he can get it done in 15 minutes...

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:01 | Link to Comment JFKFC
JFKFC's picture

29 hours until Apple has 5x moar cash on hand than Uncle Sam.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:11 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

:)

dude, dont give Creamer any more ideas...

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:21 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I went ahead and junked you and Jim in MN because somehow you escaped the drive by junker and I did not want you to feel left out.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:28 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Fonz, you know how sensitive, fragile and insecure I am...
Thanks.\

tearing up

I was beginning to feel nobody paid me any attention anymore.
My savior

\smooch

Jesus H F Christ, they're rally banging away tonight.
Post something and 30 seconds later they're all over it.

Buncha rabid mongrel dogs...

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:31 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Yes they are of the quiet pussy variety too. No ballsack on this red arrow crowd.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:36 | Link to Comment El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Sounds about right.  I got my first junk tonight.  It made feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I haven't even cracked into the beer or scotch tonight.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:32 | Link to Comment LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I was going to say "it's a free country," but then I remembered it isn't any longer.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:43 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

It's a Fee country.......

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:54 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

LOL

I can't delete that image of LTER squatting in a bowl of gin....

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:01 | Link to Comment A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Try replacing it with an image of Michael Moore squatting over a bowl of oatmeal on your kitchen table........

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:02 | Link to Comment Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

Boehner has played out his hand.  Now the Betrayal Bill will pass with his stern, if tearful assistance.  Him and Pelosi will see to it that the status quo persists.

Like I said last week, if the insurgents leave him as Speaker it's all just a pussyfest. 

Et voila.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:06 | Link to Comment Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

The GOP establishment is looking a hellava lot like a Potemkin Village these days

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:05 | Link to Comment thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

the computers will go up on anything.

 

harry reid should be fucking shot execution style. that guy is a fucking scumbag douche.

 

how the fuck did he know fitch would do something tonight?

 

 

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:06 | Link to Comment JFKFC
Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:01 | Link to Comment t0mmyBerg
t0mmyBerg's picture

Crazy that I had to get to nearly the bottom of the page before I saw words that I would actually use to describe Hary Reid because "One Optimistic Guy" isnt it.  Lying goddamned piece of shit scumbag.  Yes  that is more like it. 

We have as Majority Leader in te Senate a guy who actually out loud said that if you are not stealing from the taxpayer to line the pockets of those in your district you are not doing your job.  And the citizens of Nevada reelected him AFTER he said it!  God what a country.  Just give in to it.  We are fucked.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:49 | Link to Comment GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

He also said that paying income tax is voluntary in the US. I wish some Republican senator, or better yet a member of the MSM, would use your language on live TV, preferrably in Harry's presence.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:03 | Link to Comment NDXTrader
NDXTrader's picture

Hate to say it, but tonight sealed the deal. When Boehner couldn't get anything out of the House it doomed us all to a McConnell and Reid bill. Boehner will have no choice but to put it up for a vote due to the warnings of the apocalypse - and now he can't even point to an alternative.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:10 | Link to Comment NDXTrader
NDXTrader's picture

And once again a major funding bill will pass the House with more Democratic votes than Republican. Boehner has got to go, he's playing checkers while these guys are playing chess. Inexcusable to be this late in the game and not know what you can get through your own caucus

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:09 | Link to Comment azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

they should bring in paulson to lick rotten crotch pelosi's snatch again on his knees

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:06 | Link to Comment involuntarilybirthed
involuntarilybirthed's picture

No, Reid played optimistic to make the House/Tea Party the bad guys.  He knew this would happen.  He and Obama played them. 

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:07 | Link to Comment involuntarilybirthed
involuntarilybirthed's picture

Not enough votes in the House because it was to liberal or to tough? 

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:22 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

from what I've read, the TP faction says its not tough enough
Understandable

Hell, most them guys would say close the fucker, then we'll see whose negotiating. 
Barry? 
Can you hear us now?

And what amazes me is the rhetoric out of the Democrats where they keep howling mad about a small insignificant minority of people holding up the government's good works.

If it really was a small, irrelevant, insignificant minority, this wouldn't be happening.

I'm with that little anonymous nobody crowd...

You fuck this up, Democrats and whom ever you blame, you're not gonna have the cash on hand to even refill the EBT cards...
Your whole socialist society crashes and burns...
To which Obie then declares a national emergency and martial law ensues, no press, telly, radio, internet, foodstuffs, water, energy...

All the continuity of government plans engage and everything comes under the charge of DHS and FEMA.

And this is all public record, kids

tra la!

And some of you people wonder why all the meds, meals, ammo purchases, all the prep in region 3 (DC et al) ....
Connect the dots, folks.
Couldn't be more clear....

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 22:48 | Link to Comment olto
olto's picture

Knukels,

I really think that you are onto something--------------------------and?

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:09 | Link to Comment lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

The senate CAN'T PROPOSE SHIT.

ALL SPENDING BILL MUST ORIGINATE IN THE HOUSE.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:13 | Link to Comment Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

So, they take one of those mini bills the House passed, strip it and amend it, send it back. 

 

Potemkin Village continues. 

 

Wait for the full EBT blackout rollout later this year.

 

Walking Dead everywhere, they just don't know it yet.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 22:00 | Link to Comment GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

TPTB know that the Constitution is so twentieth century and no longer applies in the Empire of Obama. It is also true that anything passed by Congress that abrogates the Constitution is unconstitutional itself, yet they've been doing it for 100 years or more. As someone else once wrote, Land of the Fee and Home of the Slave.

RIP liberty.

 

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:13 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Harry Reid is a syncophantic cunt...there I said it. Don't get me started on the rest of these assholes...

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:40 | Link to Comment Louie the Dog
Louie the Dog's picture

I just hope I can outlive Reid and Pelosi so I can shit on their graves.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:48 | Link to Comment El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Please, do go on...

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:14 | Link to Comment One eyed man
One eyed man's picture

Jack Lew is just bluffing with the Oct. 17 date. He has really hidden enough money away to push "Default Day" well into December. Before then, a coalition of House Democrats and Republicans will be able to force the "clean bill" out of comittee and pass it. So Reid is being realistic, not optimistic. Default is unlikely, and even if it did occur it wouldn't be a big deal because the Dems already have enough votes in the HR to pass the "clean bill". They just need to wait for the 30 day limit in order to force it onto the floor.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:23 | Link to Comment Julian
Julian's picture

They have more than 24 hours..every fucker on the Hill knows it, Goldman is telegraphing it, equities know it, bills know it and every whore trading this market knows it..whats the big deal?  A deal will be done but not before equities fall and gives the trading whores a chance to squeeze a few more dollars out this bitch., go long, wait for the short squeeze and QE to be doubled and cash it in for the next manufactured crisis - its easy to make money in this market - and fuck you Trampy you little bitch ;)

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:21 | Link to Comment RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

It's strange but despite all the caterwauling my beer is still frosty cold and my Glocks still loaded.

I'll check outside later and see if the stars are still on or if they are falling from the sky.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 22:02 | Link to Comment GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Or if they're obscured by drones and/or black helicopters.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:26 | Link to Comment lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Classy pose there, Senate Majority Leader.

Take a long walk off a short pier, assholio.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:29 | Link to Comment TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

I hear Daddy Bernanke is proud of his momo idiot algo his financial asset inflation policy has created.

 

BUY THE FUCKING DIP!!!!!!

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:31 | Link to Comment goldenbuddha454
goldenbuddha454's picture

This is like the Cuban Missile Crisis.  On the oneside, you have the Communist Kenyan, the other, the freedom loving JFK types.  Who will blink first?

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:58 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Uhm...where are the freedom lovers? I hope you aren't talking about the red team statists.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 22:08 | Link to Comment GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

JFK's preferred freedom was from his marriage vows. His younger brothers were no better.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:37 | Link to Comment OneTinSoldier66
OneTinSoldier66's picture

Just got done listening to Peter Schiff. I agree with him.

 

The problem isn't the debt ceiling(for those that believe there is actually such a thing). The problem is the debt!

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:37 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

My question is, what in the hell are they doing with the other hand while we are distracted by this insanity ?

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:39 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:47 | Link to Comment Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

SECONDARY SAUSAGES FROM THE D.C. SAUSAGE MACHINE

WASHINGTON THEATRE DIVERTS ATTENTION FROM THE PRIMARY SAUSAGES
Saturday 27 September 2008 20:40

By Christopher Story FRSA, Editor and Publisher, International Currency Review, World Reports Limited, London and New York. For earlier reports, press the ARCHIVE. Order your intelligence subscriptions and our 'politically incorrect' intelligence books online from this website.

London, 27th September 2008:

WHATEVER FLAVOUR WAS ORDERED, WON'T BE DELIVERED
Last week, the newly installed Washington-based sausage machine was primed by the Chief Sausage Makers, Messrs 'Paulson und Bernanke', to bring forth a splendidly flavoured batch of sausages with a long shelf-life, so that the manufacturers themselves could stock up with food for the winter months ahead, without having to worry about how to make ends meat (oops, meet).

Having primed this sausage machine, it cannot now be turned off until it has completed the cycle, so the manufacturers are lumbered with having to accept whatever flavour of sausage comes out.

Unfortunately, due to a strike, or several strikes, on the shop floor, the production line has, the manufacturers now contend, been sabotaged, to such a degree that unwanted ingredients have been inserted into the mix, which will now deliver sausages with a bitter taste from the purveyors' perspective. And since they cannot turn the machine off until it has completed its cycle, they are stuck with whatever flavour of sausage is delivered the other end.

This is very embarrassing, as the sausage manufacturers had informed their entire marketplace that the sausages in question will taste very nice, even though they will be the most expensive sausages ever made (costing an estimated $700 billion). Accordingly, since the entire marketplace is expecting sausages to be delivered (because they have been so advised), the manufacturers have no choice but to proclaim the success of their new recipe (even though when they come to sample the new sausages they may choke and regret that they ever started up the machine).

PREVIOUSLY SHUT-DOWN SAUSAGE EQUIPMENT BROUGHT BACK INTO PRODUCTION
They will do this, in reality, in order to cover up the fact that the older sausage-making equipment, which the manufacturers themselves took out of service in June 2006, finally had to be started up again in recent days because huge orders for sausages that had accumulated over the years have to be fulfilled, in the face of sanctions that have been threatened by the International Association of Sausage Makers headquartered in key foreign capitals, should the long overdue consignments of sausages not be delivered by the time the Pacific Rim sausage markets open on Sunday evening.

The Washington-based sausage manufacturers have been collectively informed that should the veteran sausage-making equipment be compromised by the manufacturer for his own purposes on this occasion, the entire sausage market may be closed to American sausage distributors with no further warning. This is one reason why a SECONDARY sausage manufacturing cycle was initiated.

PERCEPTION MANAGEMENT PURPOSES OF THE SECONDARY SAUSAGE PRODUCTION LINE
The 'success' or 'failure' of this secondary sausage-making cycle will provide the 'deep' cover that the manufacturers need, to enable them to micromanage either the rehabilitation of the worldwide sausage market, or its collapse. In the event that the secondary production line can complete its cycle successfully, then all the praise will be heaped upon the manufacturers and their most senior Executives alone. But should the secondary production cycle be interrupted, fall seriously short of expectations or fail in any way, shape or form, the manufacturers will, they believe, be in a position to deflect all the blame from themselves and to redirect it to targets of their own choosing.

Although the sausages to be delivered from the expensive new equipment will have a bitter taste, the Board concurred at its meeting in Washington on 26th September with the decision of Quality Control to the effect that, in the grim circumstances, ANY flavour of sausage delivered by the new equipment will be acceptable, notwithstanding that Members of the Board won't like the new taste.

It is understood that the Ingredients Department is still, even at this late stage, experimenting with various flavours, although the production line was programmed to deliver a pre-specified range.

The Managing Director did make an unfortunate remark about 'this sucker going down', but it is understood that he may have been referring to rubber suckers that got stuck in the main sausage duct, which engineers should remove just in time for the secondary sausages to be delivered.

Given the narrow choice he faces, it is assumed that the Managing Director will choose to exploit the theatrical delivery of the costly emergency sausages, since this 'achievement' will provide the Board, as intended, with an opportunity to pull a pigs' ear out of the new equipment so that it can be waved about in triumph before the entire marketplace amid a hurriedly orchestrated advertising campaign proclaiming that the new sausages are absolutely delicious and will keep the world fed for many years to come. The fact that the new sausages, as opposed to the bulk consignments, will taste absolutely disgusting, at least to the Board, will not be revealed, even though the advertising campaign will probably contravene all relevant trades descriptions legislation on the Statute Book.

THE BOARD RECEIVED A FINAL DEMAND TO FULFIL THE OLD SAUSAGE CONSIGNMENTS
What the Board will not reveal, of course, is that it ran out of options and had to start up the older equipment in order to fulfil the orders that it had perversely suspended, within the extremely tight timeframe alluded to above. The London office of the International Association of Sausage Makers is reported to have delivered its FINAL DEMAND a week ago, setting precisely one week for total completion of the delayed bulk sausage orders, failing which the Board and all US sausage outlets may be hit with consequences far more drastic than the world sausage industry ever thought likely.

Although the secondary sausages will have a bitter taste, any primary consignments from the older equipment will be received with joy and gladness throughout the international sausage market, so that the Managing Director of the Washington sausage purveyor will bask in temporary glory.

Knowledgeable observers of the global sausage market will be revolted at the Managing Director's prospective (as with his past) behaviour, but pragmatists take the view that this is a small price to pay for the final consignments of delicious sausages that should have been delivered years ago.

Those present at the Board Meeting on 26th September 2008 who knew what is really intended were 'Paulson', Cheney, the Managing Director (Bush II), Mr Cain and Obama, and probably Pelosi and Reid. The other observers at the meeting may not have been aware of the specifics, which, in a nutshell, entail the proclamation of a sausage deal that will divert the market's attention from the primary, long delayed sausage consignments, and will enable Mr Cain and Obama to be 'separated from' the Managing Director, whose future will be decided either next week (should this stratagem and course of events prove disastrous), or at a future date.

As you probably know, sausage manufacturing factories are very smelly places to work in.

Furthermore, in an environment as smelly and dirty as this, protective clothing must be worn at all times. For this reason, the Editor accepts no responsibility for any smells that may arise from this considered assessment, which nevertheless conforms to our usual Health and Safety standards.

PS: Paulson und Bernanke GmbH are purveyors of toxic sausages to Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 20:58 | Link to Comment TaperProof
TaperProof's picture

Imagine a stock market that wasnt beholden to the government or feds every move?  A stock market filled with private free market businesses, stocks you could cash out for a currency that was stable and not devalued year after year? A stock market where big banks cant colocate next to the exchange to front run trades. Imagine that.  Imagine a market that wasnt dominated by bankers that have a hold over our government and therefore are never charged with any crimes and forever get bailed out of their ponzi scheme mistakes with tax payer funds.

Why do people wonder why some of us want to see the whole thing crash and burn?  

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:41 | Link to Comment adr
adr's picture

There has never been a stock market that existed in the way you describe. The purpose of the stock market has always been to create wealth for insiders at the expense of the common man.

The only way you have a free market is to not have stocks and publicly traded corporations in the first place.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:41 | Link to Comment Randoom Thought
Randoom Thought's picture

harry Reid is a demonically possessed shit-head who stole the election from the Tea party candidate through vote fraud. He should not be in office and no one should pay any attention to the shit-heat.

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 21:58 | Link to Comment Decimus Lunius ...
Decimus Lunius Luvenalis's picture

I'm optimistic that Harry kicks the bucket soon.  These folks need to pass because you know they can't step away from their self-appointed destiny as masters of the universe.  

Tue, 10/15/2013 - 23:35 | Link to Comment zorbo
zorbo's picture

With my luck, I will win the power ball jack pot the day before the dollar becomes worthless.

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 08:59 | Link to Comment stiler
stiler's picture

Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grind- stone, 

Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, 

clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, 

from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; A Christmas Carol 

secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The 

cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed 

nose, shrivelled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes 

red, his thin lips blue; and spoke out shrewdly in his 

grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his 

eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own low 

temperature always about with him; he iced his office in 

the dogdays; and didn’t thaw it one degree at Christmas. 

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