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Steve Cohen Gets Wrists Slapped, And All Is Forgiven

Tyler Durden's picture


Obviously, Stevie Cohen is not a blogger.

And now will the administration please grant Jon Corzine much deserved amnesty and release him from prison. Or is it too busy crafting a First Amendment false flag to assist it in its latest witchhunt focusing solely on "bloggers, radio talking heads and professional activists" who as everyone now knows, are the new "Bush" and will be blamed for everything that goes wrong from here on out?

As for Steve Cohen's penalty, just how much is $1 billion in Picasso terms?

The WSJ has more on this latest example of US Justice in action:

Hedge-fund group SAC Capital Advisors LP and federal prosecutors have agreed in principle on a penalty exceeding $1 billion in a potential criminal settlement that would be the largest ever for an insider-trading case, according to people familiar with the matter.


The payment by SAC, run by star manager Steven A. Cohen, is expected to be roughly $1.2 billion to $1.4 billion, according to these people.


The penalty means SAC would pay the U.S. government a total of nearly $2 billion, including a $616 million penalty the firm agreed to in a civil insider-trading settlement with the Securities and Exchange Commission in March.


The firm didn't admit or deny wrongdoing in the civil settlement, which is awaiting approval by a federal judge. The penalty SAC agreed to pay in the SEC case had been the largest to date in an insider-trading case.


SAC has denied the criminal charges. The firm says Mr. Cohen, who hasn't been accused of criminal wrongdoing, has done nothing wrong. Any settlement wouldn't affect a continuing criminal investigation into Mr. Cohen's trading activities, the people said.

To summarize: Make $10Bn using criminal methods and inside information -> pay $1Bn for criminal settlement -> high IRR


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Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:45 | 4065775 HedgeAccordingly
HedgeAccordingly's picture

lawrence Fink thinks the worst is yet to come - 

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:48 | 4065790 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

It sure does pay to be a lying, thieving son-of-a-bitch.  And there's a lot of examples out there.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:51 | 4065810 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Business back to normal, as Uncle Sam gets his cut of the heist!

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:55 | 4065830 redpill
redpill's picture

Correct, just enough money to make it worth's time, but not so much that the perps won't go right back to what they were doing.  And of course no jail time, this is civilized crime!  Everyone wins!  Oh wait except for honest retail investors, but who gives a shit about them anyway?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:56 | 4065841 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

"...with Liberty & Justice for all."

/sarc- beyond-point-of-tragedy

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:00 | 4065862 knukles
knukles's picture

So Cohen gets a reach around....

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:01 | 4065865 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Hey, what's the penalty for murder?  I'm considering making it part of my business strategy.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:22 | 4065921 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

"Where's my cut?" -Uncle Scam


Thu, 10/17/2013 - 15:02 | 4066148 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

As Jim Sinclair has said,

If the fine you paid is less than the money you stole,

That is good business in America

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 15:40 | 4066310 Eisenhorn
Eisenhorn's picture

My question is why do financial firms/banks get to reach an "agreement" with prosecutors on fines?

I don't believe I was ever asked to come to an agreement on a traffic citation......

"Prosecutors and SAC Agree".....such garbage.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 16:57 | 4066609 giovanni_f
giovanni_f's picture

They are one team. Mission: Ass-rape YOU.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:14 | 4065930 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Once again proof that "Life is like a shit sandwich.  The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat".

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:21 | 4065946 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Depends who you have in mind....

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:01 | 4065864 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

It is pay to have friend of satan...

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:35 | 4065987 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Boris is say makes Stalin is holy man next to Wall Street criminal

Russian translate not work for Banger of Head Many Times

And scotch not make easy is for making any sense

Friend of the devil is a friend of mine.

If I get home before day light...


Thu, 10/17/2013 - 17:21 | 4066680 Oracle 911
Oracle 911's picture

Looking back in history, Stalin was a holly man compared to the American crooks from history like Nixon, the Bush family (Preston and the Georges), Madoff, the guy who trow the A-bomb to Japan, the guy who started the Vietnam war, the guy who aloved the creation of the FED, the owners of the FED etc.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:52 | 4065813 Rainman
Rainman's picture

hahaha...go and sin no more, drop off your check with the bailiff.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 16:46 | 4066564 Running On Bing...
Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

Paid for by the Friends of Carl Fund.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 15:40 | 4066311 monad
monad's picture

Bipartisanshit is dead. This is the long planned decoy covering for the massive widespread treasons. TOTUS is the hood ornament on the train headed our way.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 15:40 | 4066312 monad
monad's picture

Bipartisanshit is dead. This is the long planned decoy covering for the massive widespread treasons. TOTUS is the hood ornament on the train headed our way.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 16:35 | 4066522 emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

please, i'm serious---what exactly would it take to end the fed?  if a president can be impeached why not essentially do the same to the fed?  stupid question i realize but the more absurd things become i really don't see other option.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:49 | 4065795 All Out Of Bubblegum
All Out Of Bubblegum's picture

The new revenue enhancing tactic:

"Give us a billion or we drive you out of business."

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:52 | 4065815 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

That's the Chicago "shake-down" employed by the thugs running things nowadays.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:02 | 4065868 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Does a billion matter when these fuckers are printing 85 billion per month (soon to be 120 billion)?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:06 | 4065895 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

Just 120? Damn here I thought we were getting a person at the helm that was serious about this recovery....




Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:35 | 4066001 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Mental exercise: imagine you had earned several billion dollars LEGITIMATELY, and some POS (lacking even the capacity of Dr. Evil) threatens to make you preoccupied with a court case for about a year if you don't pay him ONE BILLION DOLLARS (as opposed to paying most of the billion dollars to your lawyers and fighting the damn thing on PRINCIPAL).

If one had the means to fight and win, there is no way in hell an innocent person would hand over ONE BILLION DOLLARS to bunch of criminal thugs.

...and in Cohen's case he did it after spending all that time and money to market the image of himself as some important and powerful sac of Wall Street Shit... forking over ONE BILLION DOLLARS to a lawn jockey masquerading as an AG is not the action of either an innocent man or a BSD on Wall Street.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 15:15 | 4066212 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

That's totally wrong - you are assuming the US courts are legitimate somehow, and they are not

US Federal Courts have a higher conviction rate than Third Reich Nazi Germany

As well-proven, US judges do not care about law, or facts, or the US Constitution ... in trials they make dozens of 'court rulings' to EXCLUDE EVIDENCE that proves you are innocent ... sure you can 'Appeal it to the Supreme Court' ... but higher judges are not interested if the fix is in on you

US judges, like Congress or the President, work for the oligarch cabal ... yet Americans still keep the illusion their courts are like in Hollywood movies


Not that Cohen is innocent ... but paying the extortion fine is no sign he is guilty

Cohen did not pay enough bribes and campaign contributions earlier, so they are 'normalising' the situation with him


They extorted Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, because he wasn't paying enough

They extorted Warren Buffett the other year - the 2nd richest man in America

It has been quickly forgotten, but Buffett himself at one point thought he was rich enough to try and 'fight the system' in America ... and quickly got rapped hard, threatened with legal charges and destruction ... and learned his lesson.

A few years back after being too critical of America and financial shenanigans, 'weapons of financial mass destruction' on Wall Street ... Bloomberg reported possible charges brewing, pending against the famous Warren Buffett ... he might be called to testify ... then one day Bloomberg reported the investigation was totally terminated, Buffett would not be investigated, or even questioned ... the deal was done ...

Shortly afterward Warren Buffett was 'bullish on America' ... Ha! ... even the oligarchs are not allowed to break ranks ... Funny that they too, the richest in America, are prisoners of the 'system' run by the group of wealthy American political families ... No one breaks ranks ... No one


The USA has even begun murdering US federal judges who do not co-operate with the gov't programme. And as NSA whistleblower Russell Tice (more important than Edward Snowden) pointed out, all US judges including the Supreme Court are under continuous NSA surveillance for blackmail.

If a judge does not play along ... the judge faces the fate of US Federal Judge John Roll, shot dead in Tucson, Arizona, 8 January 2011, shortly after ruling against Obama and the US gov't ... drugged up 'lone gunman' promptly supplied, 'confessing' and otherwise barely seen after disappearing into the US gulag ...

Judge John Roll was the actual target that day and not Gabrielle Giffords, the wounded Congresswoman shot next to Judge Roll ... media are hiding the real story because Judge Roll's murder was a message to the other US judges, rather than to the people

It was barely covered by the media, but Judge Roll's murder was the powerful message to all US judges, helping convince Chief Justice Roberts to rule in favour of Obamacare

That's the reality of US judges that Americans face if they are targeted

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 16:33 | 4066515 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Justice is a process not an outcome. One must know how to manipulate the process in order to achieve the desired outcome (i.e. hire the right lawyers for the specific job at hand). It's not nice but it works, sort of like when justice in a black robe fails and then justice dons a white robe in a search for justice (then a bunch of macacas mulattas start yapping and flinging feces in a desperate plea to be the center of attention-- distracting everyone from the larger truths and ensuring there is another painful rinse, repeat cycle-- instead of society learning from its mistakes and actually progressing).

Large facades always have cracks- that's how we climb mountains and defeat what appear to be insurmountable enemies, no wide-scale cabal is immune from the laws of physics.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 17:20 | 4066692 moneybots
moneybots's picture

"If a judge does not play along ... the judge faces the fate of US Federal Judge John Roll, shot dead in Tucson, Arizona, 8 January 2011, shortly after ruling against Obama and the US gov't ... drugged up 'lone gunman' promptly supplied, 'confessing' and otherwise barely seen after disappearing into the US gulag ..."


An interesting fiction.


Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:50 | 4065796 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture


Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:50 | 4065800 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Anyone want to buy a dead shark?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:07 | 4065898 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

How dead are we talking, dead but still edible, or dead with rotting flesh and maggots?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:51 | 4065801 seek
seek's picture

It's OK to break the law -- as long as we get our cut.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:54 | 4065831 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Selling indulgences - an old racket.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:03 | 4065878 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Well said, Bastiat.  We live under a dogmatic thumb.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:51 | 4065806 slotmouth
slotmouth's picture

Can someone please file criminal charges against Corzine, or anyone for that matter?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:55 | 4065838 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Hasn't he suffered enough?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:02 | 4065871 knukles
knukles's picture

not already

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:56 | 4065809 John McCloy
John McCloy's picture

  Meanewhile this woman who is jobless is summoned for diving into a fountain for change to buy some food:

Seperate rules for seperate folks.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:52 | 4065820 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Does he get to keep the other $10B he stole?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:53 | 4065824 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

Dear Mr. President, this is what you should be focusing on...not bloggers.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:54 | 4065826 Seal
Seal's picture

some of the animals are more equal than others - Pigs rule!

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:04 | 4065856 Trucker Glock
Trucker Glock's picture

"Have you seen the bigger piggies in their starched white shirts?"

In case you haven't heard it...

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:02 | 4065875 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Well they do taste good, so there's that anyway.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:56 | 4065845 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

Good to know what the transaction fee is for fraud.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:02 | 4065874 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Seems like that the minimum charge though.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 13:59 | 4065859 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Abide by the rules, or face the consequences eh?  I wonder what the jail time on heist this big is eh?

Drink it up bitchez, some pigs are more equal than others it seems eh?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:01 | 4065863 PaperBear
PaperBear's picture

A monopoly board game reference is appropriate here, don’t you think ?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:03 | 4065870 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

J.P. Morgan Chase was manipulating electricity prices in California and the Midwest and just had to pay a fine.

So if .gov allows people and banks to steal - then just fines them for it - doesn't that make .gov a Capo in the Crime Syndicate?

The government is just taking a cut of the shakedown market.

(People should be in jail for this - but that would be in a sane rational world of laws and order)

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:04 | 4065883 knukles
knukles's picture

"Yeah? Well where da fucks my taste?"
   -Tony Soprano

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:08 | 4065902 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

This, as much as debt, will end the dollar as GRC.

The pound staggered on for years,because the City was realively honest, and crime was punished.

Nobody in their right mind would invest in the US now.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:26 | 4065966 W74
W74's picture

And the fines are only a portion of the profits made, so it's all gain to them anyway.

All we see here is that a little bit gets skimmed off by the government "enforcers" and the gears keep grinding along (with the peasants underfoot).

The Piranhas are nipping at the Sharks.  Piranhas get fed and the Sharks lose a couple small chunks, but the Piranhas aren't even pretending to protect the schools of fish that get devoured.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:02 | 4065876 philosophers bone
philosophers bone's picture

Does this impact NAV or MER?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:04 | 4065882 ImReady
ImReady's picture

Martha Stewarts blood must be boiling. 

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:51 | 4066096 crazyroadlizard
crazyroadlizard's picture

first thing that came to my mind!

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:13 | 4065891 Running On Bing...
Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

So the Indian goes to Jail and the Juice are free to run more game?

Time for a patriot to vote for this guy from the rooftop.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:09 | 4065900 XRAYD
XRAYD's picture

How much did this bastard steal to pay a BILLION in fines ... err settlement, and never did anything wrong to anybody?


I would have put him in a jail cell for 30 years, and a concession only allowed him to take one of multi-million$ "art" works with him to enjoy!

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:08 | 4065907 AvoidingTaxation
AvoidingTaxation's picture


Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:24 | 4065919 game theory
game theory's picture

Like a billion dollar penalty even comes close to settling these crimes? Cohen won't even suffer lost sleep over the money.  Man, laws truly are for poor people. For everyone else, there's a token SEC settlement.

Watching gov't workers get a 2+ week paid vacation and then having to see endless headlines about how they suffered so much and are so glad to be back and feeling productive. And then watching politicians strut around pointing fingers when they f*ked everything up like a gaggle of high-school debate dropouts. And then we get to see the pork in the debt-limit bill on top of everything.  A death benefit for a rich congressman? Why?  F*ck 'em all. The media really needs to post a headline that says "Gov't plans to deficit spend until all gov't workers are millionaires. Until then, f*ck you."

I know why people eventually snap. Because I can't take it anymore.  

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:13 | 4065922 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Cue CNBC looping the video of Madoff.

Everything is fine, law-and-order is restored!

Bet they knew what he was doing all along but when SHTF they needed a whipping boy.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:14 | 4065928 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

If you get fined and pay the fine with other peoples money, is it a slap on the wrist?

Yogi Banker

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:20 | 4065945 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

It's deja vu all over again.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:22 | 4065953 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Ok, from now on if someone gets caught stealing 2 Widescreen TV's.... do they only have to give 1 back ? hey... no one got hurt....

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:33 | 4065991 MedicalQuack
MedicalQuack's picture

So pay up and we won't look at your math models used in your black boxes huh?  Again the Quants of Wall Street video does such a good job explaining the layman can get it...

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:34 | 4065998 withglee
withglee's picture

Government's newest revenue growth sector:

1) Look the other way while perp is stealing other traders and citizens blind

2) Assess 10% or so fine for the ill-gotten-gains and deposit in general fund

3) repeat

Notice. Those fleeced get nothing. Citizens just pay the bills for this revenue generating department (SEC). Is this indirect tax covered by the 16th amendment? Does this differ at all from paying "protection" to the mob? Oh right, this is the mob.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:36 | 4066007 wstrub
wstrub's picture

The CONfidence has been wonder!

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:38 | 4066018 squexx
squexx's picture

What do you expect?!? He's Satanic Tribe. So he got fined a $billion or two?!? I'm sure he made lots more that's in banks in Tel Aviv and Switzerland for the Tribe!

I look forward to the day they start shooting bankers and Wall St types down on the streets!

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 14:39 | 4066027 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

Martha Stewart just threw a pan of cupcakes at her assistant in disgust.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 15:06 | 4066170 Goggles Pisano
Goggles Pisano's picture

It's not a fine or a penalty, I believe it's called an "homage".

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 15:22 | 4066241 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Maybe I don't give a shit. Maybe I don't remember the last time I blew my nose either. Who the fuck are you, I should remember you? What, you think you like me? You ain't like me motherfucker. You a punk. I've been with made people, connected people. Who you been with? Chain-snatching, jive-ass, maricon motherfuckers. Why don't you get lost? Go ahead, snatch a purse. Come on, take a fuckin' walk. [/stevie c.]

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 15:23 | 4066251 Calculus99
Calculus99's picture

Remember how it used to be done?

They took down Ivan Boesky like a mafia don, big fine, jail, banished from NY etc.

He must be pissed off to be born when he was, 30 years too early.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 16:01 | 4066406 nowhereman
nowhereman's picture

This headline above Entitlement Nation Forever, speaks volumes about what the nations priorities are.  The rich get a pass while the poor must pay. Talk about entitlement disparity.  Some people need to focus on what the real problem is.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 16:23 | 4066486 zipit
zipit's picture

"Socialism for the rich," as N.R. put it (at least he was the first one I read who said it).

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 16:11 | 4066453 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Didn't Queen Elizabeth I have a deal with Blackbeard and other pirates? Tribute was paid, the wrong people got in the middle and a stable state existed for some period of time abiding recurring human affairs.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 18:53 | 4066935 Notarocketscientist
Notarocketscientist's picture

If i rob a bank of 10M... and get caught ... can I pay a 2M fine and avoid jail time and a criminal record?

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 18:58 | 4066946 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

Are you in the correct tribe(Thirteenth)?

Fri, 10/18/2013 - 09:02 | 4068330 dunce
dunce's picture

It sounds more like a protection racket than law enforcement, nice business you have there, be a shame if something happened to it. Follow the money, how much did the investors that got heavily hosed get? The prosecution costs are zero, all those people are on the payroll anyway.

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