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Fact Or Fiction: New, Improved Obamacare Program Released On 35 Floppy Disks

Tyler Durden's picture


Responding to widespread criticism regarding its health care website, the federal government today unveiled its new, improved Obamacare program, which allows Americans to purchase health insurance after installing a software bundle contained on 35 floppy disks.



“I have heard the complaints about the existing website, and I can assure you that with this revised system, finding the right health care option for you and your family is as easy as loading 35 floppy disks sequentially into your disk drive and following the onscreen prompts,” President Obama told reporters this morning, explaining that the nearly three dozen 3.5-inch diskettes contain all the data needed for individuals to enroll in the Health Insurance Marketplace, while noting that the updated Obamacare software is mouse-compatible and requires a 386 Pentium processor with at least 8 MB of system RAM to function properly.

“Just fire up MS-DOS, enter ‘A:\>dir *.exe’ into the command line, and then follow the instructions to install the Obamacare batch files—it should only take four or five hours at the most. You can press F1 for help if you run into any problems. And be sure your monitor’s screen resolution is at 320 x 200 or it might not display properly.”

Obama added that the federal government hopes to have a six–CD-ROM version of the program available by 2016.


Source: The Onion


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Mon, 10/21/2013 - 20:56 | 4077881 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Fiction,, it was 35 punch cards. Forward Maixist bitches !

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:15 | 4077955 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

800 hours per month free!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:24 | 4077990 AGuy
AGuy's picture

Oh God! Not those damn AOL Disks again!


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:35 | 4078024 max2205
max2205's picture

Lol....but it sure brings back bad memories

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:57 | 4078097 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

If I recall, the pentium processors didn't start until the 486 series..

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:11 | 4078152 Rusty Diggins
Rusty Diggins's picture

Next series, 586.


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:23 | 4078189 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Even Yahoo, that bastion of progressive think is bashing ObummerCare.


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:05 | 4078299 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!  Floppy Disks??????????????  Who the FUCK still has a floppy disk player these days?  Wel, I still have a T-Rex, for just this sort of occasion, but I know I am an exception, being the stupid geek I am.

Anyway, I wonder how many millions they wasted on this one?


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:14 | 4078328 redpill
redpill's picture

My older brother had a tape drive for his Atari computer, took about 45 minutes to load Fort Apocalypse every time we would play!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:19 | 4078340 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

LOL, strangely...I know what you mean!!!

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 02:21 | 4078566 MisterMousePotato
MisterMousePotato's picture

To date, every computer I have built has a floppy drive added, including the one I'm using now, which can play Crysis. (Sorta.)

If a computer has a floppy drive, I can fix it. If not, I can still fix it, but it can be a lot more trouble sometimes.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 03:18 | 4078589 MeMadMax
MeMadMax's picture

Holy crap, a 386 with 8 MEGS OF RAM!?!?!?!


I remember having wet dreams over 8megs in that kind of system lol...


Anyways, I think you can "trick" this into running with a 286 with 4 megs of ram.

Just "LoadHigh" your cdrom, mouse, himem.sys drivers and you might be able to squeak by!


Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:58 | 4078646 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

If it's a Cyrex chip it's as easy as one resistor to overclock it and trick the Bios into running like a 386. When you hit the actual 386 functions though expect a bit of a wait.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 05:33 | 4078661 Doña K
Doña K's picture

American exceptionalism!

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:30 | 4078890 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

I tried cutting a slot in the back of my IT&T Teletype to put these disks in, but nothing happened. My punchtape computer in the garage didn't do anything at all. Do I need to upgrade to an 8088?

(What's a 'mouse'?)

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:12 | 4078431 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

We was too poor fo Atari, we only got to play Fart apocalypse.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:26 | 4078355 redpill
redpill's picture

My older brother had a tape drive for his Atari computer, took about 45 minutes to load Fort Apocalypse every time we would play!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:28 | 4078359 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

you're in a loop...

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:09 | 4078423 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

Help! My 300 baud acoustic coupled modem keeps hanging on me and I can't get through the entire article. Can someone send a support rep over?

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 02:08 | 4078555 Manthong
Manthong's picture

.. you modern day cyber punks have it made with those 300 baud screamers.

I still have my 110 baud Bell 103.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:59 | 4078647 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

You are older than the dirt itself old man.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 07:53 | 4078788 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

You ain't a man until you've run a BASIC program through a paper tape reader/Teletype to the mainframe located downtown!

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:33 | 4078908 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

I had a great class in High School that taught us to WRITE basic on the teletype...the mainframe was at Harbor General Hospital...Kevin Tighe and Randolf Mantooth used to film 'Emergency' over there...The fire station was across the street...

SQUAD 51, SQUAD 51...


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:36 | 4078370 erg
erg's picture

I remember playing golf on the Atari 2400.  You couldn't hit a drive over the rough on a par four because it was still two-dimentional. As soon as the cube sensed the rough it came to a screeching halt.

I'm still trying to work my way through a 100 variants of tank.


Tue, 10/22/2013 - 02:18 | 4078561 Bruce Flea
Bruce Flea's picture

There's really only 34 discs for the ACA program. The 35th is a revamped copy of Tank.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 07:48 | 4078783 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Check out, you can get a 3-1/2" Floppy Drive that plugs into a USB port on yer PC.  I got one, works great, especially with Linux.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:18 | 4078437 SoCalBusted
SoCalBusted's picture

Pentium, from pente, like pentagon

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:09 | 4078623 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

What part of PENTium don't you get?

The 486 had a fatal flaw dealing with protected mode, so the 586 made a relatively rapid appearance to fix that, and Intel paid some consulting firm big bux to come up with something other than 586 to describe the chip. PENT kept the lineage with a high-falutin' reference to 5, but the connection with the flawed 486 was broken. The Pentium was just in time for MS 3.1 (which would run on the 486) and needed for Win 95. I still have a working 486 running DOS 6.2 and Win 3.11 (and Privateer).

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:22 | 4078855 CalDre
CalDre's picture


In point of fact, Intel rolled out the "Pentium" name because it was refused a trademark on numbers and its competitors were using the same (386/486) names.

Even though strangely enough some car manufacturers still think branding their name, rather than model number, suffices ....

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:37 | 4078922 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

"What part of PENTium don't you get?"

Right, I never had one of those.  I think my dad still has, and uses for accounting, the old 386 that was our home PC.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:08 | 4078142 tmosley
tmosley's picture

I have fond memories of decorating my college dorm with AOL CDs.  We had the coolest suite in the whole hall.  Only took about five thousand of the things, taken by the bagfull from free bins in Walmart.  Sort of like living inside an inverted disco ball.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:13 | 4078155 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Barry the Commodore.

<edit> Bury the Commodore.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 01:59 | 4078550 IllusionOfChoice
IllusionOfChoice's picture

I learned the glory of microwaved CD art thanks to AOL. If you haven't tried it, throw a scratched up burnt CD in for a few seconds ink side up to see what I'm talking about.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:41 | 4078944 Billy Sol Estes
Billy Sol Estes's picture

Mirror for my gym locker...

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:22 | 4077981 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Just think about this:

Obamacare, an American government debacle has its primary website designed by a Canadian company (HQ in Montreal).

Odds are they hire Indian subcontractors to "fix it" making it worse and adding another layer of "customer service"....

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:15 | 4078165 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

"My name is PeggY"

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:05 | 4078298 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Perhaps 0'bamaphone will be put to "use."

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:20 | 4078344 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

You may emerge from my chips....

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:51 | 4078393 WelfareFTW
WelfareFTW's picture

Please to not be racially slurring Indian programmers... thank god it's not our fault this time... *shaking head Indian style*

Please to be referring to Canadian software companies and Obummer's extended family for nepotism based contract awarding..

*returning to dell customer support*

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:23 | 4077982 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Floppy Dick is Obama's NSA handle

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:14 | 4078161 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

+ Uncle Joe = "Double Density"

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:55 | 4078089 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:59 | 4078108 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

Nice Trek reference.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:03 | 4078128 James-Morrison
James-Morrison's picture

Resistance is futile.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:32 | 4078216 erg
erg's picture

I got Obamacare and I grew a new kidney.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:52 | 4078267 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

I got Obamacare and had to sell one of my kidneys to afford the new premiums.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:06 | 4078300 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

I had to have a bottle in front of me....

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:07 | 4078307 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

i got a new kidney but i cant afford to have it installed

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:30 | 4078360 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

no no, it goes like this, you need a new kidney they tell you no, your too old, or you're not a productive unit of society...good ol George Bernard those Fabians, they're just FUCKING GREAT!!!!!

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 03:49 | 4078610 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Obama calls for brightest techies to cure ills...NSA says they're too busy checking your emails.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 05:01 | 4078649 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

At least someone is checking my emails...

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:48 | 4078254 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Correction, surf:

"35 punch cards in Snowball, Cobal and Fortran."

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:04 | 4078296 Encroaching Darkness
Encroaching Darkness's picture

Are you actually old enough to remember SNOBOL, COBOL and Fortran?

COBOL was COmmon Business-Oriented Language; never used it, never knew what SNOBOL was for, learned Fortran '77 when it was NEW.

Damn, I'm old; maybe I should apply to re-write ObamaCare so it WORKS!

Cancel that; I'd cheerfully starve before I sank so low.


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:07 | 4078305 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Drinking while coding leads to unsafe hex.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:14 | 4078628 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

And while we are reminising: JCL for the monster mainframe IBM 386 to run your COBOL spagetti code...

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 06:36 | 4078710 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

You know you are old(like me) when your first computer was much larger

than your current house, and the UI was a tall pile of punch cards.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 07:07 | 4078740 RabbitChow
RabbitChow's picture

COBOL was for printing paychecks mostly (read and write operations mostly)

SNOBOL was produced by Bell Labs as a String manipulation program (ELIZA was the Rogerian analysis program that started off -- So, tell me your problem?)

I remember WATFOR and WATFIV -- I am pretty sure they were all pre-77.  I was also cutting teeth on GEAR and GEARX.  Oy.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:24 | 4078352 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

Holy shit, Cheap one, you bring back bad memories of dropping my program of 300 punch cards in the hallway during class switches...fucking took me two days to get that shit straight.  The good ol' Data100 keypunch machine...Cobol, etc what dandy's they were!  About as fun as taking a dump.


Tue, 10/22/2013 - 07:58 | 4078794 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Keypunch operator used to be a career in itself!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:01 | 4078293 Traveler
Traveler's picture

Funny, but ACA is really damaging, SO MUCH, I know first hand. Many doctors are leaving practice, hospitals will close, 95% of healthcare at a local pharmacy, and it's illegal to object to the progress.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:47 | 4078386 yofish
yofish's picture

Tell us about the second hand......

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 01:15 | 4078499 Deo vindice
Deo vindice's picture

It does a 180 every 30 seconds...

To replicate the politicians' point on any given matter on any given day.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 03:56 | 4078612 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

I'm in California and 'navigators' are in local drug stores.

Didn't intersect one until today.  He asked, "Have you checked into health care, yet?"

In my loudest voice I said, "Fuck off, Nazi!"*

Kept walking.

I heard clapping from around the store.

* I don't usually do that, I'm the mild and lazy sort.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 20:56 | 4077884 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

... also available for online download from the ObamaCare BB (9600 baud)

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:04 | 4077893 Rainman
Rainman's picture

something about the handle floppy just doesn't sound right.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:10 | 4077933 Backspin
Backspin's picture

The problem here isn't with the website and the technological implementation.  The problem is the Affordable Care Act.  They might get the websites and the techo problems fixed.  Then we'll be left the Affordable Care Act.  That's the real problem.  The technical glitches are actually a buffer between the people and the government right now.  We have to hope that they never get resolved.  Otherwise, we're stuck with Obamacare.


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:20 | 4077975 walküre
walküre's picture

a federal bureaucracy with self serve options for 330+ million people

even the Chicoms aren't that crazy

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:45 | 4078062 nmewn
nmewn's picture

But the North Koreans are. They are left with no choice either.

Let that puppy sink in for a minute...

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:50 | 4078261 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Eat tons of broccolli and pray you don't get sick.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 05:06 | 4078651 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

Most people are not aware that broccoli is the vegetable that makes your testosterone levels balance out and your HGH rise up. In other words it encourages you body to fix itself, which it is very efficient at doing if given the proper nutrients and time to do so. That means no booze for a few months, and staying away from things that constrict your vascular like Nicotine and Caffeine.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:00 | 4078797 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

What about cauliflower?  It's related to broccoli...

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 12:32 | 4079782 Serfs_Up
Serfs_Up's picture

and juice cannabis as well...

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:55 | 4078276 Freddie
Freddie's picture

One blog said that the ObamaCare web site has a stuxnet type virus that can be easily reinfected.  The other answer is crappy Indian programming.   Just wait for the healthcare you may get - as bad as the web site.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:01 | 4077901 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Update: Due to tremendous demand we have added a second line! (2400 baud).

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:44 | 4078052 knukles
knukles's picture

And for those wishing lightning fast service, just write us at PO Box 16789. -3466 Bangalore, India. Be sure to utilize proper postage or deliveries will not be accepted.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:44 | 4078054 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


Bye bye.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:00 | 4077888 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I don't think my Commodore Amiga can read MS-DOS floppy disks. Now what am I supposed to get my affordable care insurance?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:11 | 4077938 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Are you on a 4000 with full 16 bit color, or are you on a 2500 still?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:34 | 4078010 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I have the 2500 with the 1 meg external hardrive. I'm looking to upgrade to 2 Megs with the money I save from Zerocare.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:36 | 4078918 superflex
superflex's picture

Just drop the coin and get a Tandy TRS 80 you cheap bastard.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:11 | 4077939 thecoloredsky
thecoloredsky's picture

I hope the disks are re writable I could use some extra storage. Just register for aca, format the disks (fast formatting works fine) and load them up with all your ms works files.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:15 | 4077959 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Let me check with the Hardware/Software Subsidation Department over at HHS and get back to you...they may have to re-assemble a new unit from scrap in a junkyard in Nigeria, run by a distant cousin of Obama.

There may be a ninety day waiting period though due to demand, so just pay the fine/tax/penalty to the IRS and we'll refund it in 2015 upon proof of your compliance with the law.

Have a nice daaayyy, click ;-) 

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:35 | 4078369 varnelius
varnelius's picture

In this situation, you insert the disc upside down.  Oh wait, it was PC/MAC single sided games that did that.  You're still screwed.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 20:58 | 4077891 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

My father-in-law would call the 3.5 diskettes sloppy disks because he had just started computing and floppy disk didn't make sense to him.  He never worked with 5.25 disks.  


I think this article may be a ruse because I don't believe the government programmers will be able to load the 5 billion punch cards until at least 2017.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:05 | 4077917 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

8" floppies were bigger (made great office frisbees) but curiously held far less data.

I think they rolled out Medicare on index cards.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 01:50 | 4078538 varnelius
varnelius's picture

I once tore apart a 10meg external HD that was the size of a photocopier.  It had 2x 12" platters.  Came out of the medical industry.

We nicknamed it 'the Concorde' since thats what it sounded like when you first turned it on.  Took over a minute to spin up.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 06:38 | 4078711 Withdrawn Sanction
Withdrawn Sanction's picture

In the early 80s worked w/a 300MB external disk drive for a mini computer.  It was the size of a Maytag washer and the drives themselves were housed in a cake dome type contraption so they could be removed/changed.  The systems tech could make it dance around simply by orchestrating a rapid chain of read write commands.  Watch out! she's moving....

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:27 | 4077997 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Cassette tape for the TRS 80 out by 2018...

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:32 | 4078013 erg
erg's picture

16k of computer oomph.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:46 | 4078063 knukles
knukles's picture

Will it work on my HP 12-C?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:56 | 4078090 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Had to look that one up. Introduced in 1981 and still going strong, not bad, not bad at all!!!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:59 | 4078110 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

It's 35 hi-density DVDs. You have to answer several thousand questions before you can enroll.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:44 | 4078246 ceilidh_trail
ceilidh_trail's picture

Best calculater I ever owned! I bought it back in the late 80s and I still use it.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:29 | 4078633 Seahorse
Seahorse's picture

Mine too, they're nokia-tough.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:19 | 4078630 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

We called the 3 and a halfs 'stiffies'.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:02 | 4077909 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Thanks Tyler, and God bless you Onion!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:03 | 4077913 dobermangang
dobermangang's picture

And just think..... The ACA is clearly Obama's signature achievement.  Perhaps he should get another Nobel Prize.

I bet somewhere Jimmy Carter is just laughing and smiling and feeling much better about his legacy.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:15 | 4078435 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

There's a bunch of asshole thieving bankers laughing out loud at you now.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:08 | 4077925 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Long landfills... & WM

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:10 | 4077935 dobermangang
dobermangang's picture

Obamacare kind of reminds me of this classic Onion Video, except most people don't want it.   (Warning: NSFW - strong language)

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:10 | 4077936 NOZZLE
NOZZLE's picture

Give him a break,  Ayers wrote the program same as he wrote his books. 


Got that on 12" floppys?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:13 | 4077942 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  "It's so easy even a caveman can do it."

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:41 | 4078040 booboo
booboo's picture

and why congress is exempt, even a caveman knew what hole to stick it in to procreate and which one would get shit on his dick. Oooh,uugh wookie poopoo Baaad!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:12 | 4078157 analyzer_66
analyzer_66's picture

The affordable care act, the giant dyck, slapping on the A$$ of AmeriKa.

Bend over, install, try to run !

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:13 | 4077945 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

This story is bullshit, everybody knows the ACA is on minidisc.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:14 | 4078163 analyzer_66
analyzer_66's picture

Also available as as audiio recording on 20 cassette tapes, for the vision impaired.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:15 | 4077951 brown_hornet
brown_hornet's picture

Darn....Now I'll have to upgrade from my IBM 8088. You could drop that thing off the roof and I bet it would still work.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:16 | 4077963 Navymugsy
Navymugsy's picture

Everybody was worried about Obama bringing in 1984 and all he did was bring back 1990!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:47 | 4078068 knukles
knukles's picture

That is soooo cruel....

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:33 | 4078221 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

Let me double think that.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:57 | 4079018 auric1234
auric1234's picture

It'll be a lot more fun when he brings back 1971


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:17 | 4077968 Lmo Mutton
Lmo Mutton's picture

If we don't get this fixed and implemented soon another woman is going to faint.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:20 | 4077978 Hulk
Hulk's picture

90's era joke:

Whatz the difference between a computer and a woman ???

You can't put a 3.5 inch floppy in a women !!!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:44 | 4078212 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

A related 90's joke.

How are women like a computer?

They both can reformat a 3.5 inch floppy.

(groan- the 90's was before political correctness))

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:24 | 4077989 venturen
venturen's picture

Included: one Obamacare Abacus for determining your illness! 

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:26 | 4077995 Zombie_Economics
Zombie_Economics's picture

True or not, sounds exactly like the government.  True story, in the 90s the Abraham Lincoln was dry docked for restoration.  The leading PC on the market at the time of technology upgrades was Pentium 3.  The shit they were installing on the carrier at the same time, 486 DX40s.  Why?  Contract fullfillment.  So, even if this isn't true, the government buys shit so far out they are stuck with old junk by the time fullfillment day comes.


Oh yeah, after the old 486 crap was installed, they were yanked and new equipment was installed.  How's that for downloading your hard disk all over her motherboard for ya?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:38 | 4078229 ForTheWorld
ForTheWorld's picture

I would have said they did that for reliability (486 CPUs produce less heat than Pentiums, require less power etc.), but, who knows.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 10:55 | 4079439 Zombie_Economics
Zombie_Economics's picture

That perfectly explains why they had the 486s removed within a week of a brand new installation and replaced with current technology,...NOT.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:27 | 4077996 Quantum Nucleonics
Quantum Nucleonics's picture

When will they be releasing the Apple II+ version on 5.25" disks?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:27 | 4077998 erg
erg's picture

All I have is the sx25. Do I need to upgrade to the dx33 for the math-coprocesser? How much base memory do I need cuz I only have 580K?

This will never work. I'll prolly have to change the mouse driver.

Will doskey still work?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:57 | 4078100 Dead Canary
Dead Canary's picture

Wow. Math co-processor. Now that's a phrase that takes me back.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:28 | 4077999 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

A longtime friend, IT manager/former programmer, commented to me today how truly bizarre it was to see the President do helpdesk.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:55 | 4078094 nmewn
nmewn's picture

(Putting on my John Wayne hat)

Thats Community Help Desk there, pil-griiim, uh huh.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:28 | 4078001 ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

The fact is these sociopaths could already have 90+% of the 'citizens' in this evil zoo 'signed-up' just by making use of the data these sick lunatic POS already have on us. NOTHING really is private or secret anymore.

I swear that these maniacs just get their kicks screwing with us. The general idea seems to be to cause us to become so disoriented from the truth and what IS real that at some point we may as well all be dead any damn way. Who needs hollow point .40 CAL when the 'enemy' is to damn f'ed up in the head to be worth even wasting the energy in pulling the trigger?

North Korea is looking better by the day.

I swear to God I can picture President Kayne West and first lady 'Kim' welcoming Senator Boo-Boo to the annual President Obama recognition day ceremony.

It's really getting tough to watch.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:05 | 4078133 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

Either that or they are a bunch of stooges. By the way don't expect too much from the NSA data headquarters until they figure out how to stop it from spontaneously bursting into flames.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:29 | 4078002 Heroic Couplet
Heroic Couplet's picture

Republican health care website: no glitches. no patients. no health care.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:34 | 4078019 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

You are one sorry fool.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:00 | 4078117 nmewn
nmewn's picture novel, a "progessive" thinking a website...actually contains, health care or patients.

This IS what the fuck we're dealing with here.

An alternate reality.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:13 | 4078323 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

What about the 2 rubes who gave the greenies?


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:33 | 4078016 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Off topic but of interest, follow the fucking money.

Members of Congress must pay secret fees known as “party dues” to the Democratic and Republican parties to secure and maintain top committee chairmanships and assignments, newly uncovered internal documents reveal.

The never-before-published lists are reprinted inside the new book Extortion: How Politicians Extract Your Money, Buy Votes, and Line Their Own Pockets, written by Government Accountability Institute President and Breitbart News Senior Editor-at-Large Peter Schweizer.

Senior congressional staffers say the committee price lists have long been rumored to exist but that few people on Capitol Hill have seen them, giving them an almost "mythical" quality.

The book contains copies of the Democratic and Republican price lists detailing how much money lawmakers must raise to obtain and keep their seats on congressional committees. The so-called “party dues” lawmakers must contribute for committee assignments are separate and apart from the fundraising they conduct for their own campaigns. If lawmakers fail to make their tribute payment to their party, they can lose their place on a powerful committee.  

“These party dues are not voluntary,” writes Schweizer. “Members are not asked to pay—they are required to pay.”

In the 2013-2014 election cycle, the going rate for a Democratic assignment as the ranking member on a top committee like the House Ways and Means or Financial Services Committees is $500,000. Schweizer reports that Democrats also use a “members points system” that rewards its members for attending party fundraisers.

Prices on the Republican House committee list are higher due to the GOP’s House majority—a fact that creates even greater opportunities for lawmakers to extract donations from the industries a committee oversees. According to Schweizer, the GOP price sheet is actually posted on the wall of the Republican Congressional Committee and contains red marks beside the names of lawmakers who fall behind on their party dues. 

GOP prices for committee posts vary widely. For example, Rep. Fred Upton (R-MI), who is the chairman of the influential Energy and Commerce Committee, is expected to extract $990,000 from donors for the GOP. The chairman of the less powerful House Judiciary Committee, Rep. Lamar Smith, is required to bag just $405,000.


Schweizer contends that the common belief that outside forces and special interests seek to bribe Washington politicians is wrong. The reverse is true: lawmakers use a series of "brass knuckle legislative tactics" to politically extort wealthy interests and industries into forking over large political donations—some of which can then be funneled to a politician’s friends or family members. 

Schweizer’s political extortion argument holds troubling implications when considered alongside the price lists for committee assignments.

“Built into the valuations is the implicit extortion value of the [committee] seat,” explains Schweizer. “Sitting on the House Financial Services Committee means you can extract lots of money from wealthy financial institutions.”

According to the author, committee assignments have far more to do with fundraising prowess than policy expertise. 

“We want to believe that committee assignments are based on knowledge, expertise, and background,” writes Schweizer in Extortion. “But a member of Congress will end up on a powerful committee like the House Ways and Means Committee or Financial Services Committee only if he or she can raise money.”

Schweizer adds: “Raising money is what helps an ambitious member of the House rise in the ranks far more than ideas or competence.”

When asked how he managed to obtain both the DNC and RNC price lists, Schweizer said, "Good old-fashioned gumshoe investigative journalism."

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:11 | 4078316 ZeroHour
ZeroHour's picture

See "The Distinguished Gentleman"

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:37 | 4078030 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Holy Fuck you have got to be kidding me.

Haven't seen a floppy disk in over 8 years.

Fucking CD/DVD ROM?  Works great, just like my VCR and Cassette deck, but no one else does that shit.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:42 | 4078049 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Somewhere I have windows 3.1.1 OS system stored in a storage box. /lol

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:12 | 4078430 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

I have Windows ME stored in an HP tower on a hardrive in a tower in my garage.  That OS runs just as well from in the garage with no power as it did when it was new with power!  That thing should probably be tannerited.

Or is that legal anymore?  This is why I am not a member of the NRA.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:48 | 4078253 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

I tossed every cassette I owned some years back and later I bought the 2001 Hyundai Accent to cut some costs.  It has a cassette player in it but I had no way to test the player to see if it worked, not that I cared much.  As luck would have it because luck hates me, while going through yet another box of shit that somehow survived the great purge of my Mom's estate, I found the Holy Grail of cassette tapes; that right, Jane Fonda's Workout!

I almost threw it away, shot it, burned it or otherwise defiled it, but I thought I would test out the Hyundai cassette deck on my return trip from the Northwestern Wisconsin gulag so I tossed it in the car and forgot about it for a couple of days.  On the return trip, I noticed the cassette on the passenger seat and thought I should pop it in knowing full well the risk I was taking.  What if the the deck played but the volume knob or the eject button malfunctioned like the vent to defrost knob normally does?    

As it turns out, someone had actually bothered to rewind the damned thing but I could hear the hiss of metal tape running over the head.  Then the audio abomination started to play.  It's was horrible to listen to even for a minute so I listened to it for five minutes just to fully experience the sheer terror.  Luckily the eject button worked and I threw it on the console instead of out the window.

I think it would make a fine gift for boomer aged man to give to his boomer aged wife on their next anniversary.  


Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:49 | 4078467 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

My girlfriend was making fun of me for recording shows on my VCR. doesn't cost me a dime...and it works great...FF through the commercials (FF = Fast Forward kids).

The programming is well underway for the newer generations to accept paying $100 every month for something that would have cost $7 thirty years ago.

Progressively increasing amounts and cost of consumption is part of the plan.

Can't wait to check out of this monkey parade; is there a circus in Thailand?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:37 | 4078031 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Verizon is on the ACA case. Can you hear me now? 

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:08 | 4078145 OneEyedJack
OneEyedJack's picture

Yeah, Verizon.

Aren't they one of the companies that provided our data to the NSA??

Great, now they are designing the website that contains All our  medical information.

"Can they hear me now?"

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:37 | 4078032 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

"Comes with complimentary telegraph helpline instructions and a handsome and powerful icebox magnet in every box!"

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:21 | 4078035 Bro of the Sorr...
Bro of the Sorrowful Figure's picture

the POTUS should always tread lightly in matters of floppy disks. if im not mistaken clinton got into quite a bit of trouble for making lewinsky install software from his 3.5 inch floppy.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:41 | 4078045 KingTut
KingTut's picture

Do they even make these things anymore?  Can you still buy a drive?

360kB * 35 = 12MB or 100 Mbits.

That's one digital image, or about 30 seconds on DSL line. 

A high quality picture of Obama from an iPhone would take all 35 disks !

WTF are these people thinking?

Oh Wait I've got it!  The pentagon has 300 million flooppy disks left over from a cold war Russian disinformation program and Obama thought he could save some money. These aren't worth the postage to send them!



Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:42 | 4078048 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Can I sign up with Morse Code?...

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:47 | 4078067 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Any 5.25" install versions?  Got my old IBM-XT/AT all fired up!!!!!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:15 | 4078329 ZeroHour
ZeroHour's picture

Which is it?  XT or AT?


XT had the "double density" drive while the AT had the "high density". Be sure and let the guys in Boca know they did a bang-up design job on those things.

According to the Apple guys, the PC/XT/AT floppy drive alone had more chips than the entire Apple II.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:50 | 4078073 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Floppy disks were popular when the Clinton administration tried to pass universal health care. What a easy feat in using floppy disks to merge HTML 5 technology. Think about the gross profit margins on 600+ taxpayer investment. /sarc

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:54 | 4078086 Killer the Buzzard
Killer the Buzzard's picture

Wait... no big magnetic tapes to load?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:59 | 4078104 wardawg12
wardawg12's picture

LOL, dam Tyler, you just love throwing raw meat on the table. Thanks

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:02 | 4078123 firestarter_916
firestarter_916's picture

You can't even make this sh$t up.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:10 | 4078149 The Wisp
The Wisp's picture

Press Play on Tape, I haven't upgraded my Commodore to the 1541 yet.. can I get that on Cassette and still Enroll ?

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:12 | 4078154 Broomer
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