Fact Or Fiction: New, Improved Obamacare Program Released On 35 Floppy Disks

Tyler Durden's picture

Responding to widespread criticism regarding its health care website, the federal government today unveiled its new, improved Obamacare program, which allows Americans to purchase health insurance after installing a software bundle contained on 35 floppy disks.



“I have heard the complaints about the existing website, and I can assure you that with this revised system, finding the right health care option for you and your family is as easy as loading 35 floppy disks sequentially into your disk drive and following the onscreen prompts,” President Obama told reporters this morning, explaining that the nearly three dozen 3.5-inch diskettes contain all the data needed for individuals to enroll in the Health Insurance Marketplace, while noting that the updated Obamacare software is mouse-compatible and requires a 386 Pentium processor with at least 8 MB of system RAM to function properly.

“Just fire up MS-DOS, enter ‘A:\>dir *.exe’ into the command line, and then follow the instructions to install the Obamacare batch files—it should only take four or five hours at the most. You can press F1 for help if you run into any problems. And be sure your monitor’s screen resolution is at 320 x 200 or it might not display properly.”

Obama added that the federal government hopes to have a six–CD-ROM version of the program available by 2016.


Source: The Onion

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surf0766's picture

Fiction,, it was 35 punch cards. Forward Maixist bitches !

AGuy's picture

Oh God! Not those damn AOL Disks again!


max2205's picture

Lol....but it sure brings back bad memories

merizobeach's picture

If I recall, the pentium processors didn't start until the 486 series..

DaddyO's picture

Even Yahoo, that bastion of progressive think is bashing ObummerCare.



Abi Normal's picture

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!  Floppy Disks??????????????  Who the FUCK still has a floppy disk player these days?  Wel, I still have a T-Rex, for just this sort of occasion, but I know I am an exception, being the stupid geek I am.

Anyway, I wonder how many millions they wasted on this one?


redpill's picture

My older brother had a tape drive for his Atari computer, took about 45 minutes to load Fort Apocalypse every time we would play!

Abi Normal's picture

LOL, strangely...I know what you mean!!!

MisterMousePotato's picture

To date, every computer I have built has a floppy drive added, including the one I'm using now, which can play Crysis. (Sorta.)

If a computer has a floppy drive, I can fix it. If not, I can still fix it, but it can be a lot more trouble sometimes.

MeMadMax's picture

Holy crap, a 386 with 8 MEGS OF RAM!?!?!?!


I remember having wet dreams over 8megs in that kind of system lol...


Anyways, I think you can "trick" this into running with a 286 with 4 megs of ram.

Just "LoadHigh" your cdrom, mouse, himem.sys drivers and you might be able to squeak by!


NidStyles's picture

If it's a Cyrex chip it's as easy as one resistor to overclock it and trick the Bios into running like a 386. When you hit the actual 386 functions though expect a bit of a wait.

Doña K's picture

American exceptionalism!

MontgomeryScott's picture

I tried cutting a slot in the back of my IT&T Teletype to put these disks in, but nothing happened. My punchtape computer in the garage didn't do anything at all. Do I need to upgrade to an 8088?

(What's a 'mouse'?)

Dixie Rect's picture

We was too poor fo Atari, we only got to play Fart apocalypse.

redpill's picture

My older brother had a tape drive for his Atari computer, took about 45 minutes to load Fort Apocalypse every time we would play!

rubiconsolutions's picture

Help! My 300 baud acoustic coupled modem keeps hanging on me and I can't get through the entire article. Can someone send a support rep over?

Manthong's picture

.. you modern day cyber punks have it made with those 300 baud screamers.

I still have my 110 baud Bell 103.

NidStyles's picture

You are older than the dirt itself old man.

StychoKiller's picture

You ain't a man until you've run a BASIC program through a paper tape reader/Teletype to the mainframe located downtown!

MontgomeryScott's picture

I had a great class in High School that taught us to WRITE basic on the teletype...the mainframe was at Harbor General Hospital...Kevin Tighe and Randolf Mantooth used to film 'Emergency' over there...The fire station was across the street...

SQUAD 51, SQUAD 51...


erg's picture

I remember playing golf on the Atari 2400.  You couldn't hit a drive over the rough on a par four because it was still two-dimentional. As soon as the cube sensed the rough it came to a screeching halt.

I'm still trying to work my way through a 100 variants of tank.


Bruce Flea's picture

There's really only 34 discs for the ACA program. The 35th is a revamped copy of Tank.

StychoKiller's picture

Check out Cyberguys.com, you can get a 3-1/2" Floppy Drive that plugs into a USB port on yer PC.  I got one, works great, especially with Linux.

SoCalBusted's picture

Pentium, from pente, like pentagon

Nobody For President's picture

What part of PENTium don't you get?

The 486 had a fatal flaw dealing with protected mode, so the 586 made a relatively rapid appearance to fix that, and Intel paid some consulting firm big bux to come up with something other than 586 to describe the chip. PENT kept the lineage with a high-falutin' reference to 5, but the connection with the flawed 486 was broken. The Pentium was just in time for MS 3.1 (which would run on the 486) and needed for Win 95. I still have a working 486 running DOS 6.2 and Win 3.11 (and Privateer).

CalDre's picture


In point of fact, Intel rolled out the "Pentium" name because it was refused a trademark on numbers and its competitors were using the same (386/486) names.

Even though strangely enough some car manufacturers still think branding their name, rather than model number, suffices ....

merizobeach's picture

"What part of PENTium don't you get?"

Right, I never had one of those.  I think my dad still has, and uses for accounting, the old 386 that was our home PC.

tmosley's picture

I have fond memories of decorating my college dorm with AOL CDs.  We had the coolest suite in the whole hall.  Only took about five thousand of the things, taken by the bagfull from free bins in Walmart.  Sort of like living inside an inverted disco ball.

The Gooch's picture

Barry the Commodore.

<edit> Bury the Commodore.

IllusionOfChoice's picture

I learned the glory of microwaved CD art thanks to AOL. If you haven't tried it, throw a scratched up burnt CD in for a few seconds ink side up to see what I'm talking about.

Billy Sol Estes's picture

Mirror for my gym locker...

johngaltfla's picture

Just think about this:

Obamacare, an American government debacle has its primary website designed by a Canadian company (HQ in Montreal).

Odds are they hire Indian subcontractors to "fix it" making it worse and adding another layer of "customer service"....

A Nanny Moose's picture

Perhaps 0'bamaphone will be put to "use."

Abi Normal's picture

You may emerge from my chips....

WelfareFTW's picture

Please to not be racially slurring Indian programmers... thank god it's not our fault this time... *shaking head Indian style*

Please to be referring to Canadian software companies and Obummer's extended family for nepotism based contract awarding..

*returning to dell customer support*

azzhatter's picture

Floppy Dick is Obama's NSA handle

The Gooch's picture

+ Uncle Joe = "Double Density"

erg's picture

I got Obamacare and I grew a new kidney.

AlaricBalth's picture

I got Obamacare and had to sell one of my kidneys to afford the new premiums.

A Nanny Moose's picture

I had to have a bottle in front of me....

johnQpublic's picture

i got a new kidney but i cant afford to have it installed

Abi Normal's picture

no no, it goes like this, you need a new kidney they tell you no, your too old, or you're not a productive unit of society...good ol George Bernard Shaw...love those Fabians, they're just FUCKING GREAT!!!!!

OldPhart's picture

Obama calls for brightest techies to cure healthscare.gov ills...NSA says they're too busy checking your emails.