Fact Or Fiction: New, Improved Obamacare Program Released On 35 Floppy Disks

Tyler Durden's picture


Responding to widespread criticism regarding its health care website, the federal government today unveiled its new, improved Obamacare program, which allows Americans to purchase health insurance after installing a software bundle contained on 35 floppy disks.



“I have heard the complaints about the existing website, and I can assure you that with this revised system, finding the right health care option for you and your family is as easy as loading 35 floppy disks sequentially into your disk drive and following the onscreen prompts,” President Obama told reporters this morning, explaining that the nearly three dozen 3.5-inch diskettes contain all the data needed for individuals to enroll in the Health Insurance Marketplace, while noting that the updated Obamacare software is mouse-compatible and requires a 386 Pentium processor with at least 8 MB of system RAM to function properly.

“Just fire up MS-DOS, enter ‘A:\>dir *.exe’ into the command line, and then follow the instructions to install the Obamacare batch files—it should only take four or five hours at the most. You can press F1 for help if you run into any problems. And be sure your monitor’s screen resolution is at 320 x 200 or it might not display properly.”

Obama added that the federal government hopes to have a six–CD-ROM version of the program available by 2016.


Source: The Onion

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Mon, 10/21/2013 - 20:56 | 4077881 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Fiction,, it was 35 punch cards. Forward Maixist bitches !

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:15 | 4077955 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

800 hours per month free!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:24 | 4077990 AGuy
AGuy's picture

Oh God! Not those damn AOL Disks again!


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:35 | 4078024 max2205
max2205's picture

Lol....but it sure brings back bad memories

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:57 | 4078097 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

If I recall, the pentium processors didn't start until the 486 series..

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:11 | 4078152 Rusty Diggins
Rusty Diggins's picture

Next series, 586.


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:23 | 4078189 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Even Yahoo, that bastion of progressive think is bashing ObummerCare.



Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:05 | 4078299 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!  Floppy Disks??????????????  Who the FUCK still has a floppy disk player these days?  Wel, I still have a T-Rex, for just this sort of occasion, but I know I am an exception, being the stupid geek I am.

Anyway, I wonder how many millions they wasted on this one?


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:14 | 4078328 redpill
redpill's picture

My older brother had a tape drive for his Atari computer, took about 45 minutes to load Fort Apocalypse every time we would play!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:19 | 4078340 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

LOL, strangely...I know what you mean!!!

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 02:21 | 4078566 MisterMousePotato
MisterMousePotato's picture

To date, every computer I have built has a floppy drive added, including the one I'm using now, which can play Crysis. (Sorta.)

If a computer has a floppy drive, I can fix it. If not, I can still fix it, but it can be a lot more trouble sometimes.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 03:18 | 4078589 MeMadMax
MeMadMax's picture

Holy crap, a 386 with 8 MEGS OF RAM!?!?!?!


I remember having wet dreams over 8megs in that kind of system lol...


Anyways, I think you can "trick" this into running with a 286 with 4 megs of ram.

Just "LoadHigh" your cdrom, mouse, himem.sys drivers and you might be able to squeak by!


Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:58 | 4078646 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

If it's a Cyrex chip it's as easy as one resistor to overclock it and trick the Bios into running like a 386. When you hit the actual 386 functions though expect a bit of a wait.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 05:33 | 4078661 Doña K
Doña K's picture

American exceptionalism!

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:30 | 4078890 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

I tried cutting a slot in the back of my IT&T Teletype to put these disks in, but nothing happened. My punchtape computer in the garage didn't do anything at all. Do I need to upgrade to an 8088?

(What's a 'mouse'?)

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:12 | 4078431 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

We was too poor fo Atari, we only got to play Fart apocalypse.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:26 | 4078355 redpill
redpill's picture

My older brother had a tape drive for his Atari computer, took about 45 minutes to load Fort Apocalypse every time we would play!

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:28 | 4078359 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

you're in a loop...

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:09 | 4078423 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

Help! My 300 baud acoustic coupled modem keeps hanging on me and I can't get through the entire article. Can someone send a support rep over?

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 02:08 | 4078555 Manthong
Manthong's picture

.. you modern day cyber punks have it made with those 300 baud screamers.

I still have my 110 baud Bell 103.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:59 | 4078647 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

You are older than the dirt itself old man.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 07:53 | 4078788 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

You ain't a man until you've run a BASIC program through a paper tape reader/Teletype to the mainframe located downtown!

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:33 | 4078908 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

I had a great class in High School that taught us to WRITE basic on the teletype...the mainframe was at Harbor General Hospital...Kevin Tighe and Randolf Mantooth used to film 'Emergency' over there...The fire station was across the street...

SQUAD 51, SQUAD 51...


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:36 | 4078370 erg
erg's picture

I remember playing golf on the Atari 2400.  You couldn't hit a drive over the rough on a par four because it was still two-dimentional. As soon as the cube sensed the rough it came to a screeching halt.

I'm still trying to work my way through a 100 variants of tank.


Tue, 10/22/2013 - 02:18 | 4078561 Bruce Flea
Bruce Flea's picture

There's really only 34 discs for the ACA program. The 35th is a revamped copy of Tank.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 07:48 | 4078783 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Check out Cyberguys.com, you can get a 3-1/2" Floppy Drive that plugs into a USB port on yer PC.  I got one, works great, especially with Linux.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 00:18 | 4078437 SoCalBusted
SoCalBusted's picture

Pentium, from pente, like pentagon

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:09 | 4078623 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

What part of PENTium don't you get?

The 486 had a fatal flaw dealing with protected mode, so the 586 made a relatively rapid appearance to fix that, and Intel paid some consulting firm big bux to come up with something other than 586 to describe the chip. PENT kept the lineage with a high-falutin' reference to 5, but the connection with the flawed 486 was broken. The Pentium was just in time for MS 3.1 (which would run on the 486) and needed for Win 95. I still have a working 486 running DOS 6.2 and Win 3.11 (and Privateer).

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:22 | 4078855 CalDre
CalDre's picture


In point of fact, Intel rolled out the "Pentium" name because it was refused a trademark on numbers and its competitors were using the same (386/486) names.

Even though strangely enough some car manufacturers still think branding their name, rather than model number, suffices ....

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:37 | 4078922 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

"What part of PENTium don't you get?"

Right, I never had one of those.  I think my dad still has, and uses for accounting, the old 386 that was our home PC.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:08 | 4078142 tmosley
tmosley's picture

I have fond memories of decorating my college dorm with AOL CDs.  We had the coolest suite in the whole hall.  Only took about five thousand of the things, taken by the bagfull from free bins in Walmart.  Sort of like living inside an inverted disco ball.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:13 | 4078155 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Barry the Commodore.

<edit> Bury the Commodore.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 01:59 | 4078550 IllusionOfChoice
IllusionOfChoice's picture

I learned the glory of microwaved CD art thanks to AOL. If you haven't tried it, throw a scratched up burnt CD in for a few seconds ink side up to see what I'm talking about.

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:41 | 4078944 Billy Sol Estes
Billy Sol Estes's picture

Mirror for my gym locker...

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:22 | 4077981 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Just think about this:

Obamacare, an American government debacle has its primary website designed by a Canadian company (HQ in Montreal).

Odds are they hire Indian subcontractors to "fix it" making it worse and adding another layer of "customer service"....

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:15 | 4078165 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

"My name is PeggY"

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:05 | 4078298 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Perhaps 0'bamaphone will be put to "use."

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:20 | 4078344 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

You may emerge from my chips....

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:51 | 4078393 WelfareFTW
WelfareFTW's picture

Please to not be racially slurring Indian programmers... thank god it's not our fault this time... *shaking head Indian style*

Please to be referring to Canadian software companies and Obummer's extended family for nepotism based contract awarding..

*returning to dell customer support*

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:23 | 4077982 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Floppy Dick is Obama's NSA handle

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:14 | 4078161 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

+ Uncle Joe = "Double Density"

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:55 | 4078089 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Mon, 10/21/2013 - 21:59 | 4078108 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

Nice Trek reference.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:03 | 4078128 James-Morrison
James-Morrison's picture

Resistance is futile.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:32 | 4078216 erg
erg's picture

I got Obamacare and I grew a new kidney.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 22:52 | 4078267 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

I got Obamacare and had to sell one of my kidneys to afford the new premiums.

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:06 | 4078300 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

I had to have a bottle in front of me....

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:07 | 4078307 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

i got a new kidney but i cant afford to have it installed

Mon, 10/21/2013 - 23:30 | 4078360 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

no no, it goes like this, you need a new kidney they tell you no, your too old, or you're not a productive unit of society...good ol George Bernard Shaw...love those Fabians, they're just FUCKING GREAT!!!!!

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 03:49 | 4078610 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Obama calls for brightest techies to cure healthscare.gov ills...NSA says they're too busy checking your emails.

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