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When "Offshore Drilling" Takes On A Whole New Meaning
Before Hercules Offshore collapsed into bankruptcy, they (like every other company in the USA it would seem, that faces falling revenues) were desperate to cut costs. Unfortunately for the offshore drillers that worked for the firm, Hercules chose to squeeze out the last drops of expense in a 'different' way...
( h/t @Merimack1 )
and as a reminder from Monty Python...
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so now we learn the real reason behinde the BK! Boat loads of semen!
"If you believe you must masterbate onboard a vessel, please isolate this activity to your personal quarters."
Normally I use dollar bills because they are reasonably absorbant.... but if the boss says use quarters...
I called that number. Told her my name was Chuck Norris. She said she'd be here to take care of me in a minute.
That picture has been photo-shopped by an ametuer.
lol, I remember a notice like this being posted in the college dorm showers
I have problems with tug o war on the cyclops and making the bald man cry, should I call?
My wife has a shirt with the same warning on it...she wears it every saturday
Stop impersonating me!
BTW - is this stuff caustic to piping on the drilling rigs? Who knew?
This gives a hull 'nuther meaning to Johnny come latelys.
Speaking of disturbing images, chief Kessler and officer Pike are taking it in the can right now, pulling a train with Ted Nugent and the Koch brothers, like men. Lube the Tube.
2 Years ago this type of story would have never been on ZH, now anything goes. How many ways can ZH tell the readers its all bullshit day after day
Re: all bullshit day after day
Well, come on.. They are in the "click" bidness.
2 years ago this country (and the world for that matter) was a little less fucked up and less bizarre as the present....
This is an obvious fake. It has been circulating for years, usually using college dorms as the setting, as other posters have pointed out.
If Tyler actually believes this is real, it scares me.
What if it is really real, not just Internet real?
I mean there was actually a memo like this in the said company.
In some fairness, the whole world has gone from novelty to wild ride to addiction of monetary injections.
Its funny. What the heck, how many times can you read stories about the crooked Nazi control freaks screwin' up the world.
Chill bro. It's some humor for people who get the joke. ZH needs a laugh sometimes.
"I have a particularly explosive ejaculate, it just goes everywhere! It's like a fucking wild fireman's hose, you just gotta grab on and pray to God it doesn't get in your eyes or your mouth!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7762K3Q5fRs
oh man, no, I think I'm getting a "rapey" vibe now!
Completely unrelated, but check this out:
http://www.news.com.au/money/money-matters/pepper-spray-cop-john-pike-awarded-us38000-for-his-suffering-after-he-doused-occupy-students-with-pepper-spray/story-e6frfmd9-1226746383992
Abuse pays! If this is for real, it looks like Pikey did himself in anyway. $38k ain't going to make much of a difference. Not a good example though.
Don't criticise! Administering poison gas to rebels is stressful. Thank God we don't do that in America!
+1 lol
as if any healthy male could help himself when he sees *this* beauty heading toward him
http://sfcitizen.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/CondoleezaRiceOilTa...
Hey that's racist....where's my favorite sock?
Hey I just thought wouldn't it be nice to see a picture of Condi and Wookie together, in their birthday suits? Maybe add Hilary on the side, and Big Sis. Maybe in a hot tub or something.
"pipes" is an euphemism for Kim Kardashian, surprised they used it here.
"Laying Pipe" is a euphemism for the drilling industry.
Interesting. Does it solidify and block pipes? Enquiring minds want to know ....
High Corexit diet eating pvc pipes?
This is a prank.. obv. What drainage could not handle semen. They stole this from another prank in a college dorm.
"You can't handle the semen!" </Jack Nicholson>
Too much screamin' over seamen demon semen.
I saw it either and got afraid very much
Is there really that much flowing down the drains???
Interestinly enough.. I had the exact same notice (word for word) at my college dorm..
Tyler youve been trolled!!
NOT INKS! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
Inks for beating dinks
Inky Dinky Doo
I'm surprised the bastards don't try to collect, compress and inject the "fluids" to improve oil recovery ....
I'm fraccing away, Boss! More fluid any minute now.....
Try printing that Ben
Trolled... or sexually Rick Rolled!
I can think of at least a couple girls in HR I'd like to "contact" about my masturbation problem...
gonna need a cleanup in aisle 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLnWf1sQkjY
Ha! One of the best....
What is it with oil companies and sexual acts? Like a few years ago when Baker Hughes acquired BJ Services...sure, they paid a lot of money for them, but who hasn't paid a lot of money to acquire BJ services? Now Hercules is throwing the cock block by forbidding a simple shower tug? God damn it, is this not still America?!?!?
Great now that I followed the link the adds along the margins are for outdoor sheds and site to find very handsome men in my area.
I used to get the Buy Gold and Female adds on ZH. This has ruined my cookie profile.
And this might be true if the rigs have to recycle the gray water. I'm sure the Rig Foreman can't stand the idea of showering in recycled baby batter. So no fun for you.
gee...that brings up bad memories...my old lady got CANNED from the SPERM BANK....
drinking on the job again!
I canna stop laughing, sooo stupid, yet funny!+1
First Mate: Captain, I see the Seamen of Master Bates!
Lt. Uhura: Captain, they're signaling us, and want permission to come aboard.
Captain: So, how many to beam up? Steady as she goes, Sulu, and keep 'er away from Cling-ons.
Teenager 1: "What is long and hard and full of Semen?"
Teenager 2: (whispering) "Um...a penis?"
Teenager 1: "No you pervert, a submarine!"
What, are they recycling it for drinking water or something?
And what about the daily dumps (BM's) and urine?
Are they worried about mutant sea creatures?
BIZARRO WORLD!
"Make up your damn mind! First you said we should keep the pipes cleaned out, now this!"
My favorite "offshore drilling story involves our favorite corrupt late Senator from Massachusetts. It seems that a tabloid photographer with a long range lens had gotten pictures of Teddy boy banging away on some trollop aboard his yacht and they were subsequently published in a grocery store throw away.
One Senator Howell Heflin of Alabama brought the rag to a meeting of the House Energy Committee on which he and Kennedy both sat. At the appropriate time, just before Kennedy was set to speak, he produced the photographs and announced to the committee that he was glad to see that the Senator from Massachusetts had "changed his position on offshore drilling!"
Kennedy later had both the comment and the photos expunged from the committee records.
There gotta be a song in this somewhere.
Jimmie the filter boy, he ain't no stooge
Gettin sick and tired of cleaning up splooge.
Says to the Captain "Yo, I'm gonna get firm.
I can't be dealin' with these buckets of sperm.
So dawg, you better put out the 411
Jimmie aint gonna be cleanin up cum."
OK, maybe I'm missing something but when did HERO go into bankruptcy?
OK, maybe I'm missing something but when did HERO go into bankruptcy?
Very interesting, I thought Greenway Plaza was in 77098.
You really do learn something new everyday.
lol
Human krill?
From the standpoint of waste engineering, this makes absolutely no sense. Probably some sort of joke inside the company, which like Monsanto frankenwheat escaped to the wild.
Sorry ZH, nothing will ever beat the "Greek Government threatens striking Seamen with arrests unless they resume work" article, never ever, but good try.
Has anyone gere e-mailed HR about their masturbation problem yet?
Masturbation will make you blind, i quit when i got to bi-focals.