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To Boldly Go Where No Socialist Has Gone Before: Venezuela Creates Ministry Of Supreme Happiness
If one (such as everyone at the Federal Reserve) thought that the world's greatest artificial "wealth effect" would also generate the world's happiest people, one would be dead wrong.
Take Venezuela - Hugo Chavez' socialist paradise, which was recently inherited by Nicolas Maduro, when he proceeded to not only completely devalue the local currency but to engineer, through such exquisite central-planning that even the Politburo at the Marriner Eccles building is green with envy, the highest returning stock market on earth in 2013. Alas, either the locals are not quite as impressed with the Caracas' "stock market" YTD return of over 300% (which doesn't quite cover the loss in purchasing power for what things one can actually purchase in Venezuela)...
... or the chronic toilet paper shortages remind them that the phrase socialist utopia is the world's greatest oxymoron.
As a result, president Maduro has decided to boldly go where no socialist has gone before and has unveiled a new Vice Ministry of Supreme Social Happiness, whose primary purposes will be to enforce "happiness." In other words, something along the lines of the beatings will continue until happiness returns...
Americans may have the constitutional right to pursue happiness, but Venezuela now has a formal government agency in charge of enforcing it. President Nicolas Maduro says the new Vice Ministry of Supreme Social Happiness will coordinate all the “mission” programs created by the late President Hugo Chavez to alleviate poverty.
Wags had a field day Friday, waxing sarcastic on Twitter about how happy they felt less than 24 hours after the announcement.
Oil-rich Venezuela is chronically short of basic goods and medical supplies. Annual inflation is running officially at near 50 percent and the U.S. dollar now fetches more than seven times the official rate on the black market.
Shockingly, to some average Caracans, happiness does not mean buying AMZN at a PE of N/M and selling it a PE of !Ref#. Instead, it means getting hammered.
In downtown Caracas, fruit vendor Victor Rey said he’s now waiting for Maduro to create a vice ministry of beer. “That would make me, and all the drunks, happy,” he said.
Meanwhile, others point out the blindingly obvious:
A TV journalist whose show was recently forced off the air after he refused to censor political opponents of the ruling socialists, Leopoldo Castillo, called Maduro’s announcement an international embarrassment.
Obviously Leopoldo has never heard of ObamaCare... or the NSA.
Housewife Liliana Alfonzo, 31, said that instead of a Supreme Happiness agency she’d prefer being able to get milk and toilet paper, which disappear off store shelves minutes after arriving at stores.
Ultimately, Venezuela's current predicament may be largely blamed on one thing: reckless entitlement and welfare spending (with lots of corruption thrown in for good measure).
Chavez spent billions on social programs, from benefits for single mothers to handouts of apartments and major appliances.
At least he never spent hundreds of millions rolling out a untested website, whose end purpose was to prove to everyone that if one needs something broken beyond any hope of repair, just put the government in charge.
As for the US, already elbow deep in its own unsustainable socialist agenda, we can hardly wait for the latest diversionary campaign: one which sweeps the epic debacle that is Obamacare under the rug following the roll out of, what else, ObamaJoy.
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Don't Worry (Or you go to jail...)
Be Happy (Or you go to jail...)
If your happy and you know it clap your hands!
Beware, whatever give you clap is cannot give happiness.
Boris....
A week or so ago I suggested Tyler make you a contributor. You mentioned elsewhere in that thread that writing long articles may not work for you. I understand.
Who said anything about going long. Come up with two or three paragraphs on any topic in your wonderful style and let me guest post it for you. Zerohedge NEEDS you Boris.
Please......with a cherry on top?
Contact me if interested.
ZHCognitiveDissonance at gmail dot com
You are please to become Boris AmeriCan pen pal?
boris.kashenko at nsa.gov
(Boris is just kid, have gmail account, but NSA is no doubt to read with keen interest mail of Boris:)
The offer still stands. I will create another email account on whatever email host you want if gmail is a problem. But from my point of view I always assume anything and everything I do on-line is subject to NSA (at the least) scrunity. Once you come to that realization, while you are still "careful", how (exactly) can you be careful.
I was subject to sneak and peaks some years ago. They know who I am and what I am. I don't pretend otherwise.
We can't read "socialist paradise" without seeing socialist parasite.
Obviously the state thinks you are merely too attached to toilet paper.
Implant state toilet paper with parasites. (duly noted by criminal psychopaths the world over- maniacal laughter)
Maybe smart man is invent testicular implant and nano imbed to toilet tissue of AmeriKan politician!
Try new Brawny Man-Wipe, the TP with balls!
Boris is cannot decide audible laugh or make fast quick dash to shower.
There are probably at least a few in Venezuela who converted some cash into BTC a year ago. Their friends will see how thier savings were protected and how they can keep buying goods with an appreciating, not depreciating, currency. Next year more people will use it and so on.
I think you will start interesting the libertarian crowd; the nano imbed in toilet tissue is the greatest counter idea to Google big data.
Small is really beautiful again. That pleases the libertarians. They hate big state.
Make sure you Boronium trade mark it.
Didja mean "screwnity"?
What Boronium says : me no clap screwnity; me clap screwtiny.
But me fake tiny; me big Tim in reality.
Me tell Tanya you sing screwtiny but you get Boronium size.
No, no, no, Boris is ready have GMAIL, boris.kashenko (at) gmail.com. Please to write Boris!
(P.S.S. Please do not sent Advertising Email for Russian Bride or Male Enhancement Formulation, Boris is already got one. Spasibo!)
You mean both?
Just joking. LOL
Consult Ed Snowden before proceeding my friend.
Ed Snowden has Erectile Deficiency? Or Russia Bride?
Perhaps one follows the other...
You are assertion Russia bride is to cause erectile deficiency? Amerikan man is maybe more problem than to appear on surface.
Great Idea!
Hopefully, Boris will get picked up by The Economist and Financial Times for his pithy observations on current events.
With luck, he can eventually have his own column in The FEMA Camp Freedom Press. Possibly a Dear Boris advice column would be the ticket. His copper mining experience could prove invaluable to new members.
From tiny acorns do mighty oaks grow.
Boris is wear extra wide shoe to accommodation of acorn. This is you mean by pithy?
Yes, Boris likely to get picked up alright. Then the disposal team drops by...
FORWARD BORIS!
Instead of becoming a pen pal to a bunch of Americans who appreciate your work, it might be more beneficial to all if you agreed to posting a thread and said "hey ya'll" to us at one time.
I just wanted to add that its a good thing the NSA follows us to ZH. Maybe they will actually read it and learn something. I know the probability of that happening out there is small, but its still a probability. Snowden got his inspiration from somewhere.
I hope that arrangement works out.
gmailing will get Boris into trouble with Boris's double.
Pollonium and Boronium do not make good bed fellows.
Pollonium : you talk sideways to those guys and I'll shoot you both ways.
Boronium : I no talk I just speak Molotov cocktail to get caviar on ice.
Pollonium : You give formula of Molotov cocktail to them and I name you national traitor.
Boronium : I give them wrong formula to get right formula of Coca Cola. I no fool me into Katin Grave.
/wipes OJ off the keyboard
Catching clap doesn't make you happy Boris?
You're doing it wrong.
"How much stuff do you need to be happy?"
Want happiness? Start here...
I know where that came from!
Is that Hanky, the Christmas poo's brother ???
How about a "Ministry of Handjobs?" That would make A LOT of peoople happy...
I thought it actually said a "Ministry of Silly Walks" when I first saw the headline! Bummer it's not:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZlBUglE6Hc
Oh let's do go where no socialist has gone before.....find out the true identity of one Michael LaVaughn Robinson. That socialist truly has a bad case of haunted vagina.
Official Government Slogan:
"Why So Serious?"
Unofficial government slogan:
"Happiness is warm AK-47"
after force citizenry to placate to happy state.
My Slogan:
"Whey all the white women at?"
..............Cleavon Little
Boy Scouts of America motto; "Be prepared."
Be a Boy Scout.
Be a gay Boy Scout.
Might as well be cutting edge.
There is no gay Boy Scout in Russia.
"one which sweeps the epic debacle that is Obamacare under the rug following the roll out of, what else, ObamaJoy"
ObamaJoy is lower prices at the pump bro. Disposable income spurs Santa Claus returns which in turn opens the door for taper.
Short crude bitchez!
This song by the Kinks is probably going to sum up Christmas this year for a lot of folks
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys.
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-oVPVsCqs4
In Latvia, custom is Saint Nikolas to bring cabbage roll for good behavior child. Much is be joy and grateful.
Cabbage rolls and coffee... Mmmm Mmmm GOOD!
Talking of "The Kinks" - I'd think more like "Dead End Street":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9AYDR3MMqE
Ray Davies is one of them under appreciated observers of the world around him and also ahead of his time.
One of the first music videos not that mime it on a stage stuff was by them back in 66-67 same song Dead End Street.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0WPC-N3UYE
Oh, he was much appreciated, back in them days ... and still is today, among oldschool homies like myself ;-)
happy happy joy joy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0V4TZAyd8I
buthan measures the gross national happyness since 1972. It is a big success. a good alternative to usd
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gross_national_happiness
Does that come with some good pot, bro.
Soma
In the USSA it is called EBT , IPHONE, Shopping and Watching NFL coupled with Oprah to brainwash the crap out of the sheeples with worthless crap. Welcome to AMERIKA. Duh, Amerika leads the pack.
Boris is occasional to watch oprah, enjoy to end where fat lady sing.
summary executions will commence in three days.
Yeap. Build the high speed train to the chambers. Coming soon, free train rides and the last supper.
The spread the wealth dilemma is who can be trusted to spread the wealth. Lord Acton wrote, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely," about the Pope. If power corrupts even the Pope, who in Venezuela can be trusted?
The Pope's little red shoes?
Q: What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A: Brothel sprouts.
Billy stops this guy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork. This guy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?". Billy shrugs and answers. "In the car." The guy replies, "That's the quickest way."
Two guys are sitting in at the pub, where Sean is braggin to Micheal,
"You know, I had me every woman in this town, except of course, me ma and me sis."
"Well," Micheal replied, "between you and me we got 'em all covered."
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
What did God say after creating Adam? I must be able to do better than that!
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Thank you, be sure to tip your waitress, have an awesome Saturday.
HA!...Can't up arrow you so here's another.
A man is sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail when an exceptionally hawt woman enters.
The man can’t stop staring at her. The young woman notices this and walks directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the woman says to him, "I'll do anything you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, with one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asks what the condition is. The young woman replies, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man considers her proposition for a moment, withdraws his wallet from his pocket, and hands the woman five $20 bills. He looks deeply into her eyes and slowly says, "Paint my house."
knukles, put a space in front of the first " and the arrows should work.
A man walks into a bar and orders 5 martinis. The bartender asks, why 5 martinis? The man replies, I am celebrating my first blow job. The bartender replies, Oh wow! Congratulations. Let me buy you one. The man says, No thanks, if 5 martinis won't get rid of the taste in my mouth, nothing will!
We do have a Department of Supreme Happiness in the land of the free for the 0.1% - it's more commonly called the Fed.
We also have our glorious MSM who proudly proclaim that a sign of Obamacare's complete succes is that no one can sign up for it!
Feel my prostste
And after the third visit the Doctor asked "I'll going to bet your not really concerned about your health, are you ?"
Only if you promise not to squeeze my finger!!!
THE UNITED NATIONS exposed
By using NSA as a guideline of violation, headlines flash with dire motivated tell-tale signs. Just food for thought.
Just go back to this week’s events.
An awful lot goes into Political affairs -25.9% (page 2 of regular 2012-2013 budget)
http://www.un.org/en/hq/dm/budget.shtml
I have seen this extreme happiness and joy. The night Obummer was first elected pres they scanned the crowd and people were crying with a joy that could only come from seeing the second coming of their lord and savior. I saw a woman crying and saying she would never have to pay her car payment or house payment again or have to buy gas. She was in a state of rapture far past happiness. To them I say...............................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The matrix is a cruel place sometime. I am feeeling the joy.
Everyone will be required to repeat the positive affirmation "I am happy" of course the affirmation "I am wealthy" is not allowed.
Bog roll? Still?!
Why don't they just contract an Indonesian wood-chipping company to cut down the rain forest to make bog rolls, then turn it into an export industry? These people just aren't go-getters.
Turn that frown upside down -or else.......love maduro
This all reminds of the time some Russian spacecraft returned to earth with the cosmonauts dead. These men had died in agony but the newspapers reported that they had died with smiles on their faces.
According to the latest World Happiness Report they are already more happy than the estate agent saturated UK:
http://unsdsn.org/files/2013/09/WorldHappinessReport2013_online.pdf
God only knows how happy they are going to be, in the wake of this most radical venture.
What next Obama creating a Ministry of Truth?
This quote explains why we have the Welfare state and the mess it creates: "In downtown Caracas, fruit vendor Victor Rey said he’s now waiting for Maduro to create a vice ministry of beer. “That would make me, and all the drunks, happy,” he said."
Peak Supreme Social Happiness.
hey mister is that a frown on your face? come with me enemy of the state
When the great Tao is forgotten,
goodness and piety appear.
When the body's intelligence declines,
cleverness and knowledge step forth.
When there is no peace in the family,
filial piety begins.
When the country falls into chaos,
patriotism is born.
Christ, if a country is talking about Supreme Social Happiness, you just know the skulls are piling up.
Well said Czar.
How the imperialist US and neoliberal financiers undermine the ability of sovereigns to control their economies,
US- Venezuela Relations: A Case Study of Imperialism and Anti-Imperialism by James Petras
"Imperial power in Latin America and in Venezuela in particular, has suffered serious setbacks but the private property power structures are intact and imperial strategies remain. If the past half-century offers any lessons, it is that imperialism can adapt different political strategies but is never surrenders its drive for political, military and economic domination."
http://www.voltairenet.org/article180663.html
Hmmm, interesting. I am NOT convinced that ZH's "Venezuela" articles and blogs do anything but pursue Red Herring arguments by attacking the Symptom (Venezuela's difficulties and follies), rather than the ROOT-CAUSE of ALL EVIL that is behind this: The modern central banking system, and the FED as the super-Don of this global crime cartel.
How are the US attacks on Venezuela and Argentina (its finance, culture, etc) different from the military attack on Iraq, on Libya, Syria, Iran, etc? Or on anyone else who tells the Fed or the Bush crime cartel to "Go to Hell!"? How!?
All I see is the "If you can't attack them from the outside, attack them from within. Make sure that the most incompetent run the country." Just like in the USA.
I appreciate ZH for its contribution to exposing the corruption on Wall Street. Some of the political commentary here, however, comes off as propaganda straight out of the neoliberal playbook. I agree with Russel Brand about the growing disenfranchised, disillusioned underclass in modern neoliberal economies, whose output seems to only benefit a global elite with no concern for sovereign rights. The world exists for their financial exploitation and there is no alternative.
As Dan Kervick comments at Naked Capitalism,
"The neoliberals are preparing to do to large parts of the planet the same thing they did to the Rust Belt and to Detroit: destroy them, not thorough some deliberate plan of destruction, but simply by adhering to a market system in which such results in some places are a natural and predictable result. They want a global regime built on the free mobility of capital and labor, where societies and political communities are seen as temporary structures like firms, that crumble away leaving only the failed, abandoned and destitute behind. For neoliberals, a country or a community is just a kind of temporary flophouse of wandering individuals seeking the main chance.
As Welch indicates, societies need to be able to defend themselves against both predation from within and predation from without. That requires a system of law and organization that favors the preservation of democracy and equality, and that deliberately builds and supports the foundations for humane civilization. Private property relations and some creative destruction and innovation have a useful internal role to play, but that role is a subsidiary role. The number one directive of the community must be the integrity and preservation of the community, and the preservation of real and functional (not symbolic) political equality of its members."
Read more at http://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2013/10/the-coercive-power-of-capitalism.html#fVfpVdV2QXuKCHkF.99
If they're trying to keep Socialists out of power, I'd say the US is doing a piss poor job of it.
And they're buying their oil at market prices, so that would be a double fail.
Obama' long plan? Turn Venezuela into the 57th state?
So when will MiniJoy start building out joycamps?
+1 You had me at your picture and 'joycamps'. ;-)
All joking aside when they create things like this, this is the precursor to dragging people off in the middle of the night and public executions of those that speak out against the state's agenda. Happiness means intimidation and violence to quell public dissent.
Looks like Venezuela is getting ready to go full retard Pol Pot or equivalent Marxism style population reduction.
I am not a religious person but if someone reading this is I'd be saying a prayer for safety of these people. It looks they are making the transistion from Socialism into something more sinister and evil.
Happiness is not about having everything. Happiness is being content with what you have.
What if i donT have any of "it" (toilet paper).
Can i still be happy without "any"?
Does Amazon print catalogues?
Looking for alternatives to keep me happy after the Crash:
Warning: be careful using organic natural tp! Not all leaves are equal.
Learn to identify posion ivy and donT use thorny leaves.
Jump Happily
You Fuckers
yeah, lets make another index to screw with.
I'm afraid true happiness is quite a mystery. it can be fleeting and arises seemingly out of nowhere.
they would have more luck starting a Ministry of Misery. they are already way ahead of the curve on that one.
Why won't our socialism work?
It MUST be because of evil white male racist saboteurs!!!
Thats it, I'm officially an X-pat. Here I come, I need a pound of blow and fresh hookers to be ready for my arrival. Awww the Happiness!
After Ever After - DISNEY Parody
Season in the sun - West Life (Lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oj1j3S1jarA (4:04)
"There is no inflation" as stock indexes ramp to all time highs.
Moar venezuela and argentina articles please...they make the US not look so bad when it comes to central planning and manipulation of markets and society.
I agree. They would also serve as warnings as to what is coming to the USA if it sticks to its present policies.
I like the idea of focusing on happiness as, despite being open for ridicule, it seems to work in Bhutan. Linking this initiative to socialism is a however problematic. The entire left versus right discourse seems to have beome obsolete in recent years and is heading towards a new view that it is the way power is handled that determines whether regimes are oppressive (centralise power) or not. An America that now resembles a fascist state and spies on everyone is clearly more oppresssive than a Venezuela that is actually interested in the general public's happiness.
Wipe that smile ON your face Mister!