The Number Of Days In Which JPMorgan Lost Money Trading In 2013 Is...

Tyler Durden's picture




... visually:

And compare the "New Normal" to the "Old Normal"

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Fukushima Sam's picture

Number of days in 2013 in which the Fed was removing excess liquidity from the system:



insanelysane's picture


All of the gambling cheats know that you need to throw in a small loss every once in a while.

101 years and counting's picture

when you ARE the casino, you always make money.

semperfi's picture

house hits blackjack for 304th time in a row - you lose

gold-is-not-dead's picture

that tape needs to be painted by someone

gmrpeabody's picture

These guys are good..., what can you say?

nope-1004's picture



Kentucky Derby management owns race track.

Kentucky Derby management owns 1 horse.

Only 1  horse allowed to race.

Judges and timekeepers are paid off.

Track officials are paid off.

Public can only make 1 bet:  That the horse will lose.

Track owners short the publics' bet, go double long that it will win.

Gambling public left stunned.

Track owners laughing their asses off.

Mayor of city where track is located holds PR conference, says he may shorten track, or lengthen track, or trim green chutes around edges, or not trim green chutes around edges, or taper corners, or not taper corners, or provide new exit gate, or close exit gate.

Public analyzes Mayors' words and feel comforted in the clarity.

Media prints articles on how smart Mayor is.


onewayticket2's picture

Central Planning is great....IF you're in the center.

Truthseeker2's picture

“The trade secrets pertain to money laundering, fraudulent bond issuance, influence peddling of debt ratings agencies, collusion with regulatory bodies, maintenance of double book accounting, insider trading with JPMorgan & Goldman Sachs, and financial genocide of hedge funds. Those are trade secrets worthy of keeping secret and protecting.”


The FOUR HORSEMEN Herald the Death Knell of Predatory Capitalism

James_Cole's picture

NSA & Fedres on the team bitchez

SeattleBruce's picture

Counterfeiting is great - IF you're (very close to) the counterfeiter and aren't subject to any law enforcement...

richsob's picture

This is allegorical genius!

LibertyForSome's picture

JPM-C is reporting 0 (zero) net-negative trading sessions through three quarters of 2013.

For fun, let's try a paper napkin probabilistic analysis of the above statement…


 451 / 500 companies in S&P are net-positive YTD, according to USA Today article dated 10/28/2013.
Alternatively, 90.2% of companies in the S&P index are winners in 2013 [so far].

For the sake of conservatism,  I’m going to assume that JPM-C has a phenomal securities-assessment team, and their chance of making a trading profit in any 1 day actually better than that average would indicate… let’s say 95% chance to profit in daily trading activities. 

This probability seems exuberantly high at first glance, until you recall that this is the accepted value for all centrally-planned business models.

22 trading days/month   *   9 months reported in 2013    =    198 trading sessions in 2013

Assuming that the chance of earning a trading profit (versus loss) is 95% on any one day, then the odds 198 consecutive trading days without posting a loss is:

 ( 0.95 ) 198 trading sessions   =  3.88 x 10-5    or    once in every 25,773 years

LibertyForSome's picture

Possible sources of error include 0.95 accepted value for chance-to-profit, when experimental value is 1.00, and anecdotal value is 1.20 (accounts for those pesky, unprofitbale trades being cancelled days after execution). 

HoofHearted's picture

Number of days that JPM reportedly lost money due to fines for breaking the law:

Number of days JPM actually lost money because they really paid the fine rather than having the Fed "pay" it for them:

(These are the bonus questions to Tyler's exam)

Bay of Pigs's picture

I watched Inside Job (2010) again last night, and it still blew my mind and made my blood boil.

Its the end of the line. PEAK CORRUPTION is here and now.

bagehot99's picture

Companies don't pay fines. Shareholders and customers do.

Jamie Dimon couldn't give a flying fuck about fines.



SeattleBruce's picture

He lives a charmed life.....NOT.  SOB.

Groundhog Day's picture

I was speaking to a JPM bond trader last year at a social function who traded the house account. This 30 something kid made over a million dollars a year. When i probed him on where the money really came from, he really didn't know.

I'll be honest, i was a little pissed and jealous

semperfi's picture

If you sell your soul to the devil you can get very rich in this current environment.  If you are a moral person and play by the rules you will break even most of the time and maybe get lucky a few times.  If you are a moral person and try to oppose the devil you will get crushed.  The bad guys have the upper hand and will so for a long time.  The good guys don't have the fortitude and courage right now to rise up - they are still too comfortable.  Many dark years ahead with no end in sight.

SpeakerFTD's picture

For the record, most of these traders are not bad guys.   They are smart and aggressive and they happen to be lucky to sit in a seat at a place like JPM where even a monkey could print several million dollars in profit.    That is the value of the flow.   When you have that much flow - trillions in notional -  all you have to do is do your job and capture your bid/ask spread, and do okay.

It's not that simple, of course.  The fact is that trading in these places can be one of the most stressful jobs imaginable at times.  There is a reason why most traders are young.  It burns you up.

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

"most of these traders are not bad guys."

At JPM, the squid, and the Fed?  Really?  They've sold their soul, but they're 'not bad guys'?   Please continue your rationalizing.

Bay of Pigs's picture

Smart, aggressive and lucky? LOL.

How about brainwashed, mean, nasty and brutish? They don't give a fuck who they runover as long as they make the cash.

SpeakerFTD's picture

I know many of these guys well.   Some are scumbags, some are probably sociopaths, but on the whole, that is really a small minority, especially among the junior staff, which is typically plucked from undergrad or B-school and goes through a rigorous HR process that tries to weed out people whose elbows are too sharp.   Senior mgmt has more of an edge overall, but this idea they everyone has bought into a grand plan of evil is ridiculous.  

They have been handed a golden ticket by the system.   They have a huge balance sheet and access to almost free money.  You can't blame a smart kid for passing up a hard science/research job making $125K/yr when he can sit on a trading desk making $200K/yr plus a bonus potentially several times that.

Not to be too frivolous, but this is actually applicable:  don't hate the playa, hate the game

Bay of Pigs's picture

Well, isn't that just Jim Dandy? Why dont you ask them some real fucking questions and pin them down over their hypocrisy of working with the biggest crooks to ever walk the planet? You ever think of trying to wake them up?

Seriously dude, your lame brain dead rationalizations and excuses for corruption and financial crimes against humanity is breathtaking.

Race Car Driver's picture

> If you are a moral person and play by the rules ...


Whose rules? If you are a moral person and play by the devil's rules - are you still moral - or have you sold off a little of your soul to stay in the game?

Cult_of_Reason's picture

Widespread fraud on Wall Street is back. Subprime-like and internet bubble Bloget-like fraud is back.

R. W. Baird & Co upgrades NFLX and invents new valuation metric, subscribers per share, to justify bubble-like valuation of the stock that the firm (employee owned firm, no conflict of interest) is holding/trading.

max2205's picture

Easy to win when you get fridays newspaper on thursday

Cult_of_Reason's picture

Most likely the firm traders had the Friday newspaper on Monday. They will be unloading today into the spike what they bought during the week.

WhyDoesItHurtWhen iPee's picture

That's right "House Rules".  Literally.

GetZeeGold's picture



The house never loses money.

Satan's picture

It's not like we let anyone in you know...we do have some standards down here.

Groundhog Day's picture

They simply have the best traders in the world, that's all

PP's picture

why not small traders place order in Comex to demand delivery in Dec, and explode that shit CME group and JP morgan?

semperfi's picture

or why not China, Russia, Turkey and the rest of Asia slowly, steadily buying Western gold at current cheap paper prices to maximize the amount of gold transferred from West to East

ParkAveFlasher's picture

That would be political. 

LawsofPhysics's picture

As a Marine, didn't you swear an oath to prevent such actions from happening?  Where do the Green Berets stand on all this?

Seize Mars's picture

All of those "brave men and women in uniform" have absolutely no intention of "keeping their oaths."
They are interested in their pensions, nothing more, just like every bus driver and municipal clerk.
They are not going to "save us."

Seize Mars's picture

Semper fideles vanitatis meae.

TheReplacement's picture

Do you really blame a private enterprise for taking advantage of the opportunities they have or do you blame the quasi governmental organ (FED) and the actual government (Treasury and regulators) who give that private enterprise those opportunities?  If you blame the real culprits then you must also accept responsibility yourself since the enablers are put in place by elected representatives and you are a voter.

Yeah, it's easier to blame Jamie and deflect.

Seize Mars's picture

If you actually think that JPMorgan is a private enterprise then I don't know what to tell you. You've got some reading to do.

bagehot99's picture

This ^^^^^^ times a zillion.

JP Morgan is no more a private entity than the DMV.

It is nominally a private firm, but that's just semantics. It operates at the most corrupt nexus of corporate rule-bending and pervasive political corruption. That cunt Dimon should be strung up like a common thief, which is all he is. Him and his gang of accomplices at the other big four, and their front organization, the Fed.

emersonreturn's picture




i tried to upvote but it didn't register.  

Godisanhftbot's picture

 you're just jealous you only win 99 out of 100

Ban KKiller's picture

Jamie says "Wall Street is not rigged. Reality is rigged". 

Well...still "fuck you" Jamie!