This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

SAC Confirms It's Not Guilty Of Being Guilty Of The Things For Which It Admitted Guilt

Tyler Durden's picture





 

Via an emailed statement, the soon to be jailed SAC logo (since nobody else is actually going to jail) proudly proclaims:

"We take responsibility for the handful of men who pleaded guilty and whose conduct gave rise to SAC’s liability.

 

The tiny fraction of wrongdoers does not represent the 3,000 honest men and women who have worked at the firm during the past 21 years."

aka the textbook definition of "just us" justice.

 


- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:16 | Link to Comment HedgeAccordingly
HedgeAccordingly's picture

that is funny.. Steve can go back to his indoor @ home hocky rink and chill - http://hedge.ly/1bJSCN3 

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:21 | Link to Comment Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

We did it, but we didn't do it.......just so you'ze knows.

Please send us your IRA's, pensions and all other accounts to exploit.

And for gods sake, never look at your statements.

 

Thank you,

Mgt.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 16:15 | Link to Comment LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

We're guilty ... of being AWESOME!

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 18:11 | Link to Comment artless
artless's picture

Up vote for LTER. Well said.

Your posts are growing on me. In light of this article which comes as no shock to me I give you this:

http://chasingstupid.tumblr.com/post/56518034492/criminal-part-6

Collect them all.

 

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 19:37 | Link to Comment Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

how the hell have i never heard of that guy before. +1 for pointing me to it

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:16 | Link to Comment Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

Oy Vey...

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:16 | Link to Comment ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

How big was Hitler's army?

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:24 | Link to Comment IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Dunno. Prolly not big enough, judging from the result.

DHS is about 200,000 so let that be your gauge.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:17 | Link to Comment icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

So... nobody is going to spend a day in jail, is that correct? And the "penalty" is merely the customary share of the winnings?

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:36 | Link to Comment kralizec
kralizec's picture

Your eyesight is perfect!

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:39 | Link to Comment icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

these vertical pupils ain't just for show

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:57 | Link to Comment kralizec
kralizec's picture

And those claws...yeah...release their fury!!!

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 17:08 | Link to Comment NeedleDickTheBu...
NeedleDickTheBugFucker's picture

Yep.  That "penalty" is nothing more than a tax-deductible operating expense that is just a cost of doing business.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:18 | Link to Comment ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Steve Cohen didn't build that!

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:19 | Link to Comment Iam Yue2
Iam Yue2's picture

Where are the NSA tapes?

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:21 | Link to Comment firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Tonight Stevie is going to be driving the zamboni one last time to Domino's

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:26 | Link to Comment IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Insider Trading Rap?

Just call Saul!

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 16:01 | Link to Comment Mercury
Mercury's picture

Steven was shocked, shocked to learn that illegal activity of this nature had been taking place in the firm he built and he will be wearing his black, zipper sweater of mourning for the remainder of this fiscal year.

Going forward SAC will only acquire inside information from perfectly legal, government connected sources such as the Marwood Group which benefits from umbrella protections in this area for members of congress and their staff.

 

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:54 | Link to Comment Conax
Conax's picture

Sure, the settlement says we're guilty of something, but not we in the traditional sense of the word.  Let us define 'we'.. It's not us, since us is all inclusive where we is defined by us as only a tiny fraction of us, therefore us is still mostly trustworthy..

I guess.  wtf.. lock these assholes up.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:54 | Link to Comment RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

No Company pays almost 2 billion dollars for doing nothing wrong.  The executives belong in jail without any possibility of getting out.  They are economic terrorists. 

Might as well put the SEC in there since they are only mining firms and not interested in putting criminals in jail.

If the authorities don't do their job, the mob soon will

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 16:07 | Link to Comment eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

These SAC-O-shit assholes all deserve to be in jail, along with the government prosecutors who reached a deal that will assuredly not defend taxpayers from these criminals in the future.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 15:54 | Link to Comment Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

1984, black is white, right is wrong, and slavery is freedom.

We live in bizzaro world where no one can send the perps to jail.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 16:24 | Link to Comment adr
adr's picture

I tried the opposite world thing with my wife.

She said, "Honey, that doesn't go there."

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 17:27 | Link to Comment Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Always better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Brown chicken brown cow!

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 18:14 | Link to Comment artless
artless's picture

Holy Shit that was a funny exchange.

Zhedge comments never fail to make a smile.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 16:22 | Link to Comment adr
adr's picture

Officer, we didn't commit any crimes, the company did. It is all that logo's fault. Tear it off the wall and drag it out in chains.

The people will have justice and see the company that committed those heinous crimes pay for them for eternity.

 

Actually since corporations have the same legal standing as people now, I'm waiting for them to use that defense.

 

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 16:56 | Link to Comment RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Much of the problem can be traced to the warped thinking that a company is an individual.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 16:33 | Link to Comment Lmo Mutton
Lmo Mutton's picture

I wonder if that will work for the drunks...

"I'm not intoxicated!  The car did it."

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 17:04 | Link to Comment NoCrazies
NoCrazies's picture

Hahahahahah! "Just a few bad apples" where else have we heard that excuse?

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 17:09 | Link to Comment Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Ah, the good ol' "rogue trader" excuse. Rock solid defense.

Mon, 11/04/2013 - 17:37 | Link to Comment JDFX
JDFX's picture

Law rarely is about morals, it's about winning and doing whats best for the outcome.  To plead guilty , could be ' the cheaper ' option for the corporation.

Good thing though, we charge it as an expense !

 

 

 

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!