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2013's Best And Worst: Complete Hedge Fund Performance Update

Tyler Durden's picture


The time has come for the monthly status check on the performance of the now largely anachronistic hedge fund industry: a 2 and 20 anachronism (whose every phone call is monitored by the FBI nowadays, thanks Stevie Cohen) because in Bernanke's centrally-planned world, risk is verboten, as are any selloffs, and if indeed one does come and the Fed has no "tools" left to counteract it, no amount of hedges will protect an investing community that has now largely eliminated any short positions on their books. So without further ado, here are the best and worst performing hedge funds of 2013.

As every year in the past five, the vast majority of hedge funds continue to underperform the S&P.


And finally, the full performance report via HSBC:

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Tue, 11/05/2013 - 13:34 | 4123250 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Libyan yellowcake to be used in nuclear false flag attack on major US cities, courtesy of Yomomma and his Al-Qaeda buddies:


Tue, 11/05/2013 - 13:34 | 4123252 Fuh Querada
Fuh Querada's picture

Looks like Huge Hendry and the Eclectics f***ed up again - I thought they were making a fortune shorting gold miners.

Tue, 11/05/2013 - 13:39 | 4123272 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

French oligarchs begun mass murdering of citizens:


Tue, 11/05/2013 - 13:39 | 4123281 slotmouth
slotmouth's picture

It looks like Keynes is making a comeback...just need a little moar.

Tue, 11/05/2013 - 13:42 | 4123290 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

For crying out loud. What part is it that  these guys don't get about BTFD and levering up?

Tue, 11/05/2013 - 13:45 | 4123303 NEOSERF
NEOSERF's picture

Man, had I made the crappy bets that Pershing Square made, I would be bankrupt...and October put them back in the plus column after they threw in the towel on HLF and JCP.  Heard and ad on Bloomberg radio pushing Pershing's consultancy business, redemptions are going to be tough.

Tue, 11/05/2013 - 13:46 | 4123312 Running On Bing...
Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

Day trading fucking amateurs.


Tue, 11/05/2013 - 13:57 | 4123353 Disastra
Disastra's picture

Third Point???????

Tue, 11/05/2013 - 14:30 | 4123484 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

Best "hedge fund" performer -- Brand XYZ Broad Mkt Index Fund.  With microscopic mgmt fees to boot.

Tue, 11/05/2013 - 14:35 | 4123504 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

I'd like to buy pre-IPO in a fund that bets on Futures of exec year-end bonuses.  /s

The irony is, no matter how rotten the ROI of most/worst funds, their managers are still making a killing.  Ok, so they make "only" millions, instead of tens or hundreds of millions.

Dumb sheep...  Harvest & slaughter season is here...

Tue, 11/05/2013 - 15:13 | 4123630 bagehot99
bagehot99's picture

S&P up 24% in 10 months.

Nothing to see here, move along. This is all perfectly normal. 

Tue, 11/05/2013 - 15:17 | 4123636 bagehot99
bagehot99's picture

If anybody has a million or two laying around, I'll be starting the Ultra Short Hyper-Leveraged Bagehot99 'Ole Yellen' fund next year, in time for the big ride to start.

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