2013's Best And Worst: Complete Hedge Fund Performance Update

Tyler Durden's picture

The time has come for the monthly status check on the performance of the now largely anachronistic hedge fund industry: a 2 and 20 anachronism (whose every phone call is monitored by the FBI nowadays, thanks Stevie Cohen) because in Bernanke's centrally-planned world, risk is verboten, as are any selloffs, and if indeed one does come and the Fed has no "tools" left to counteract it, no amount of hedges will protect an investing community that has now largely eliminated any short positions on their books. So without further ado, here are the best and worst performing hedge funds of 2013.

As every year in the past five, the vast majority of hedge funds continue to underperform the S&P.


And finally, the full performance report via HSBC:

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Ahmeexnal's picture

Libyan yellowcake to be used in nuclear false flag attack on major US cities, courtesy of Yomomma and his Al-Qaeda buddies:


Fuh Querada's picture

Looks like Huge Hendry and the Eclectics f***ed up again - I thought they were making a fortune shorting gold miners.

slotmouth's picture

It looks like Keynes is making a comeback...just need a little moar.

Dr. Engali's picture

For crying out loud. What part is it that  these guys don't get about BTFD and levering up?

NEOSERF's picture

Man, had I made the crappy bets that Pershing Square made, I would be bankrupt...and October put them back in the plus column after they threw in the towel on HLF and JCP.  Heard and ad on Bloomberg radio pushing Pershing's consultancy business, redemptions are going to be tough.

Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

Day trading fucking amateurs.


Disastra's picture

Third Point???????

Emergency Ward's picture

Best "hedge fund" performer -- Brand XYZ Broad Mkt Index Fund.  With microscopic mgmt fees to boot.

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

I'd like to buy pre-IPO in a fund that bets on Futures of exec year-end bonuses.  /s

The irony is, no matter how rotten the ROI of most/worst funds, their managers are still making a killing.  Ok, so they make "only" millions, instead of tens or hundreds of millions.

Dumb sheep...  Harvest & slaughter season is here...

bagehot99's picture

S&P up 24% in 10 months.

Nothing to see here, move along. This is all perfectly normal. 

bagehot99's picture

If anybody has a million or two laying around, I'll be starting the Ultra Short Hyper-Leveraged Bagehot99 'Ole Yellen' fund next year, in time for the big ride to start.