Thursday Humor: Escape From Chicago

Tyler Durden's picture

The following viral video, amusing as it may be (the real entertainment starts two minutes in) superficially, is a microcosm summation of some of the things most wrong in the US: an individual who refuses to take responsibility for their actions of careless stupidity despite being seen in broad daylight by dozens of onlookers, promptly devolving into a petty criminal, and then doing everything in his (or, judging by the driving, her) power to get the entire episode brushed under the rug while creating exponentially more damage to everyone involved including completely innocent bystanders. If only the protagonist wasn't so ridiculously stupid, he could just as well be your average Wall Street banker, where he would fit right in with any bank that cultivates just this kind of criminally reckless behavior whose consequences - the more dire the better - end up costing everyone else. Or, alternatively, since it comes from Chicago and since he is dumb enough, your average politician.

The summary via Breaking 911:

For more proof that fleeing the scene of a crime is a bad idea, a video circulating the web shows a driver trying — and repeatedly failing — to flee after his vehicle strikes a Chicago cab. The video begins with the cab driver in the middle of the street in the 1400 block of West Belmont Avenue, urging the driver to get out of the car.


The car’s driver slowly backs up and tries to turn around before driving back toward the cab. The cabbie follows the car, at several points shaking what looks like a baton. The driver of the car tries to pull around him, but instead strikes another cab. The video shows him backing up and crashing in a parked car then pulling forward, crashing again into the first cab and another car and fleeing the scene. Witnesses heard the cab driver ask the motorist for his insurance.

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ZH11's picture

Poor loves, they're doing God's work and all the plebs can do is point out that the majority of it is illegal.


garypaul's picture

Well, the driver could have legally shot the cabbie using "self-defense" ("The Zimmerman")

AlaricBalth's picture

Chicago was great city awhile ago...
Now it is a cesspool.

Ignatius's picture

Cesspool or no, that dude's swinging a pro blackjack.

Who would be enthusiastic about 'discussing' the accident with him?

Wen_Dat's picture

I don't know if tht was a blackjack. Should've busted the window

Ignatius's picture

It looked 'shaped' to me.

I used to carry a 18" scrap hunk of 350MCM copper wire (electrician) behind the driver seat just in case I was backed up to a wall.  I never thought of it as a 'chase weapon'... live and learn.

JoeSexPack's picture

Maglite, 4 D cells.


That window would crack, bet on it.

nc551's picture

The driver supposedly got charged with aggravated assault.  This would have been a more amusing video if it went down in a gun toting state.  Then again, this probably wouldn't have happened as most know not to threaten random people.

James_Cole's picture

Wow that video is awesome

kralizec's picture

Just has to be an Obama voter...bouncing off other Obama voters...

Chitcago...Chit happens...especially to dumbchits!

Bullish Bear's picture

The SUV driver wasn't eager to stop cause he stole the car. Kid crashed it again half a mile later. Not justifying anything. Just filling in the details.

Oleander's picture

That last minivan he hit has the yellow dealer sticker on the winshield. Notice the guy in the suit is in the passenger seat.

They were on a test drive! Looks like no commission today.

chump666's picture

2mins: meth kicks in.

Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

Can't see the video, no java-whatever, of fucking flash-some such. No humor for me... :(

I guess it's too much to ask for to provide a link.

*** ***


Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

I mean, I'm talking to the Bitcoin cryptocurrency guys and we can't fucking homogenize this?? Somehow?


BandGap's picture

You're a dick. Stop being a dick and figure out a way to not be a dick. Dick.

Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

That's not humorous either.

Have your attorney brush up on this:

And ask her if a forward thinking tech savvy cryto babble website does not provide backward compatibility to users with older computers and browsers, is that website guilty of abuse of the ADA act, specifically the Architectural Barriers Act

Don't make me run this up the flagpole bro.


The ADA prohibits discrimination on the basis of disability in employment, State and local government, public accommodations, commercial facilities, transportation, and telecommunications

noun: facility;?plural noun: facilities
space or equipment necessary for doing something.

Imminent Crucible's picture

Dude, you really need to chill. It took me 4 seconds to find this:

What will you do when you develop a real problem?

akak's picture


What will you do when you develop a real problem?

As AnAnonymous might say, I think that train has already sailed.

Make me laugh.

Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

Ha, ha. Got you good bro!

Take care man. Talk to you Twittercoin fans later. Travel plans. NON fucking TSA, as will be in perpetuity. No opt-out sex abuse from my .gov!


ziggy59's picture

Shitcago...Producing the Most Competent, Honest Politicians ..

CrimsonAvenger's picture

It's the whole damn state.

What did one inmate in IL say to the other?

The food was better here when you were governor.

Agent P's picture

You should spend some time downstate where I am. Good people. NOTHING like Chicago.

TN Jed's picture

This wasn't just a case of not taking responsibility for a minor traffic accident.  It was all about that GTA.  You've heard of "drive it like you stole it," now you've seen it.

Gankfest's picture

Just another day in Chicago...

Sleepless Knight's picture

So my ex is living in Chicago, who knew.

giorgioorwell's picture

"an individual who refuses to take responsibility for their actions of careless stupidity despite being seen in broad daylight by dozens of onlookers, promptly devolving into a petty criminal, "

Not exactly, more like GTA than a typical American dumbass...the black SUV was a stolen one could argue that while he/she was a retarded driver, it was probably the "smart" thing to attempt to get the heck out of there...

Flagit's picture

if it was stolen, the cabbie is lucky hes not peeling his lips of the undercarriage of the SUV.

rookie mistake. floor it, nad let gravity take care of the rest.

if your gonna be gangster, then be gangster. not this GTA Lite shit.

QQQBall's picture

Driver was obviously Chinese. You could tell by the inability to back-up straight

Dre4dwolf's picture

i Vote that the United States revokes all Chicago based drivers licenses and make them void in other states, punishable by upto a year in jail.

whoopsing's picture

I vote we put him in a demo derby, i'd love to rattle his teeth

BandGap's picture

My old neighborhood in my early years. fuck.

Pairadimes's picture

Different outcome here in Texas.

kralizec's picture

Yeah, but Texas doesn't take guns away from folk like a bunch of Nazis like they do in Chitcago...

Lordflin's picture

Sorry... don't see the humor in this, it is sad...

W74's picture

Fuck.  I'd've stopped and asked if the dude needed help.

After calling the cops yesterday evening for a suspected break-in (turns otu I was wrong anyway, but got thanked for trying) I have a new-found love for helping HONEST neighbors of mine and fellow citizens.


ISEEIT's picture

It wasn't his fault. The fucking cabbie was acting like a fucking teabagger.

Once obozocare gets all up and running and whatnot and stuff, we should target universal insurance period. Anything that happens can be insured. We could sell the policies (in fact make it mandatory) and then whatever 'shit' happens??

It'll be covered!

The best part?

The Fed will buy the policies at some point (once carbon futures have all been locked up into actuarial computations) and actually turn debt into money?

Er, I mean !!!!

Once that's finished we can begin re-'thinking' the trillion dollar coin idea.

Thinking is hard, but someone has to do it right?

tvdog's picture

Don't be in a big city when TSHTF. This is why.

IridiumRebel's picture

I was in the NYC area for Sandy, Irene and Nemo. Yeah.....don't be in the city when TSHTF.

jim249's picture

I just watched this video also from Chicago just prior to this post. Glad I don't live there.!/home/top-videos/FlashMobThievesRobChicago-AreaSportsAuthorityStores/231064541

tsx500's picture

gangs of 'teens' again ?

mkkby's picture

Damn those "norwegian" people, who committ 90% of the crimes in america.

Dr. Venkman's picture

Shocked that this world is full of assholes. Kudos to the cabbie that wields an Irish whoop ass stick (billy club) and is not afraid to use it.

Bigger balls if it were a caddy with spinning 22's.

Vice's picture

As a current resident of Chicago, this city is so fucked. It's a shame.

Detroit #2. Thanks to fucking politicians. 

It's true what they say about the "Windy City"

g'kar's picture

Hey, that was a potted pot plant at time index 2:30. Cool!

Tall Tom's picture

You saw that too. I hope that Law Enforcement does not when they seize that video as evidence.


But...they are not blind. And the videographer will be arrested for Marijuana Illinois,,,is not a laughing matter.


No good deed goes unpunished.

Bohm Squad's picture

yep...even if that's a tomato, okra, or wild blackberry plant...this guy's got a raid coming his normal.