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    05/23/2016 - 18:16
    This past Thursday marked the one-year anniversary of the US stock market’s death when stocks saw their last high. Market bulls have spent a year looking like the walking dead. They’ve...

Thursday Humor: Escape From Chicago

Tyler Durden's picture


The following viral video, amusing as it may be (the real entertainment starts two minutes in) superficially, is a microcosm summation of some of the things most wrong in the US: an individual who refuses to take responsibility for their actions of careless stupidity despite being seen in broad daylight by dozens of onlookers, promptly devolving into a petty criminal, and then doing everything in his (or, judging by the driving, her) power to get the entire episode brushed under the rug while creating exponentially more damage to everyone involved including completely innocent bystanders. If only the protagonist wasn't so ridiculously stupid, he could just as well be your average Wall Street banker, where he would fit right in with any bank that cultivates just this kind of criminally reckless behavior whose consequences - the more dire the better - end up costing everyone else. Or, alternatively, since it comes from Chicago and since he is dumb enough, your average politician.

The summary via Breaking 911:

For more proof that fleeing the scene of a crime is a bad idea, a video circulating the web shows a driver trying — and repeatedly failing — to flee after his vehicle strikes a Chicago cab. The video begins with the cab driver in the middle of the street in the 1400 block of West Belmont Avenue, urging the driver to get out of the car.


The car’s driver slowly backs up and tries to turn around before driving back toward the cab. The cabbie follows the car, at several points shaking what looks like a baton. The driver of the car tries to pull around him, but instead strikes another cab. The video shows him backing up and crashing in a parked car then pulling forward, crashing again into the first cab and another car and fleeing the scene. Witnesses heard the cab driver ask the motorist for his insurance.

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Thu, 11/07/2013 - 20:58 | 4133315 HedgeAccordingly
Fri, 11/08/2013 - 15:02 | 4136202 ZH11
ZH11's picture


Poor loves, they're doing God's work and all the plebs can do is point out that the majority of it is illegal.


Sat, 11/09/2013 - 03:13 | 4137978 garypaul
garypaul's picture

Well, the driver could have legally shot the cabbie using "self-defense" ("The Zimmerman")

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:01 | 4133319 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Chicago was great city awhile ago...
Now it is a cesspool.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:08 | 4133357 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Cesspool or no, that dude's swinging a pro blackjack.

Who would be enthusiastic about 'discussing' the accident with him?

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:16 | 4133383 Wen_Dat
Wen_Dat's picture

I don't know if tht was a blackjack. Should've busted the window

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:25 | 4133417 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

It looked 'shaped' to me.

I used to carry a 18" scrap hunk of 350MCM copper wire (electrician) behind the driver seat just in case I was backed up to a wall.  I never thought of it as a 'chase weapon'... live and learn.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 22:08 | 4133539 JoeSexPack
JoeSexPack's picture

Maglite, 4 D cells.


That window would crack, bet on it.

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 01:55 | 4134185 nc551
nc551's picture

The driver supposedly got charged with aggravated assault.  This would have been a more amusing video if it went down in a gun toting state.  Then again, this probably wouldn't have happened as most know not to threaten random people.

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 04:37 | 4134334 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Wow that video is awesome

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 08:58 | 4134584 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Just has to be an Obama voter...bouncing off other Obama voters...

Chitcago...Chit happens...especially to dumbchits!

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:03 | 4133330 Bullish Bear
Bullish Bear's picture

The SUV driver wasn't eager to stop cause he stole the car. Kid crashed it again half a mile later. Not justifying anything. Just filling in the details.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 23:43 | 4133894 Oleander
Oleander's picture

That last minivan he hit has the yellow dealer sticker on the winshield. Notice the guy in the suit is in the passenger seat.

They were on a test drive! Looks like no commission today.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:03 | 4133332 chump666
chump666's picture

2mins: meth kicks in.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:11 | 4133338 Running On Bing...
Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

Can't see the video, no java-whatever, of fucking flash-some such. No humor for me... :(

I guess it's too much to ask for to provide a link.

*** http://s23.postimg.org/6g2b9inx7/fucked.jpg ***


Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:18 | 4133395 Running On Bing...
Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

I mean, I'm talking to the Bitcoin cryptocurrency guys and we can't fucking homogenize this?? Somehow?


Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:44 | 4133465 BandGap
BandGap's picture

You're a dick. Stop being a dick and figure out a way to not be a dick. Dick.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 22:02 | 4133496 Running On Bing...
Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

That's not humorous either.

Have your attorney brush up on this:

And ask her if a forward thinking tech savvy cryto babble website does not provide backward compatibility to users with older computers and browsers, is that website guilty of abuse of the ADA act, specifically the Architectural Barriers Act http://www.ada.gov/cguide.htm#anchor66055

Don't make me run this up the flagpole bro.


The ADA prohibits discrimination on the basis of disability in employment, State and local government, public accommodations, commercial facilities, transportation, and telecommunications

noun: facility;?plural noun: facilities
space or equipment necessary for doing something.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 22:19 | 4133586 wisehiney
wisehiney's picture

Does ADA apply to ACA?

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 22:28 | 4133619 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

Dude, you really need to chill. It took me 4 seconds to find this:


What will you do when you develop a real problem?

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 22:59 | 4133688 akak
akak's picture


What will you do when you develop a real problem?

As AnAnonymous might say, I think that train has already sailed.

Make me laugh.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 23:17 | 4133778 Running On Bing...
Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

Ha, ha. Got you good bro!

Take care man. Talk to you Twittercoin fans later. Travel plans. NON fucking TSA, as will be in perpetuity. No opt-out sex abuse from my .gov!


Fri, 11/08/2013 - 10:22 | 4135005 Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

Hey R.O.B.,  go away.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:14 | 4133352 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Shitcago...Producing the Most Competent, Honest Politicians ..

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 22:44 | 4133676 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

It's the whole damn state.

What did one inmate in IL say to the other?

The food was better here when you were governor.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 23:50 | 4133916 Agent P
Agent P's picture

You should spend some time downstate where I am. Good people. NOTHING like Chicago.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:10 | 4133360 TN Jed
TN Jed's picture

This wasn't just a case of not taking responsibility for a minor traffic accident.  It was all about that GTA.  You've heard of "drive it like you stole it," now you've seen it.


Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:13 | 4133376 Gankfest
Gankfest's picture

Just another day in Chicago...

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:17 | 4133388 Sleepless Knight
Sleepless Knight's picture

So my ex is living in Chicago, who knew.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:18 | 4133392 giorgioorwell
giorgioorwell's picture

"an individual who refuses to take responsibility for their actions of careless stupidity despite being seen in broad daylight by dozens of onlookers, promptly devolving into a petty criminal, "

Not exactly, more like GTA than a typical American dumbass...the black SUV was a stolen car...so one could argue that while he/she was a retarded driver, it was probably the "smart" thing to attempt to get the heck out of there...

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:42 | 4133457 Flagit
Flagit's picture

if it was stolen, the cabbie is lucky hes not peeling his lips of the undercarriage of the SUV.

rookie mistake. floor it, nad let gravity take care of the rest.

if your gonna be gangster, then be gangster. not this GTA Lite shit.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:22 | 4133408 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

Driver was obviously Chinese. You could tell by the inability to back-up straight

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:25 | 4133419 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

i Vote that the United States revokes all Chicago based drivers licenses and make them void in other states, punishable by upto a year in jail.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:41 | 4133455 whoopsing
whoopsing's picture

I vote we put him in a demo derby, i'd love to rattle his teeth

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 21:43 | 4133460 BandGap
BandGap's picture

My old neighborhood in my early years. fuck.

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 22:39 | 4133660 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Different outcome here in Texas.

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 08:47 | 4134552 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Yeah, but Texas doesn't take guns away from folk like a bunch of Nazis like they do in Chitcago...

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 23:06 | 4133769 Lordflin
Lordflin's picture

Sorry... don't see the humor in this, it is sad...

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 23:12 | 4133782 W74
W74's picture

Fuck.  I'd've stopped and asked if the dude needed help.

After calling the cops yesterday evening for a suspected break-in (turns otu I was wrong anyway, but got thanked for trying) I have a new-found love for helping HONEST neighbors of mine and fellow citizens.


Thu, 11/07/2013 - 23:28 | 4133850 ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

It wasn't his fault. The fucking cabbie was acting like a fucking teabagger.

Once obozocare gets all up and running and whatnot and stuff, we should target universal insurance period. Anything that happens can be insured. We could sell the policies (in fact make it mandatory) and then whatever 'shit' happens??

It'll be covered!

The best part?

The Fed will buy the policies at some point (once carbon futures have all been locked up into actuarial computations) and actually turn debt into money?

Er, I mean !!!!

Once that's finished we can begin re-'thinking' the trillion dollar coin idea.

Thinking is hard, but someone has to do it right?

Thu, 11/07/2013 - 23:50 | 4133917 tvdog
tvdog's picture

Don't be in a big city when TSHTF. This is why.

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 00:25 | 4134003 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

I was in the NYC area for Sandy, Irene and Nemo. Yeah.....don't be in the city when TSHTF.

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 00:07 | 4133964 jim249
jim249's picture

I just watched this video also from Chicago just prior to this post. Glad I don't live there.


Fri, 11/08/2013 - 01:52 | 4134177 tsx500
tsx500's picture

gangs of 'teens' again ?

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 22:47 | 4137623 mkkby
mkkby's picture

Damn those "norwegian" people, who committ 90% of the crimes in america.

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 00:29 | 4134008 Dr. Venkman
Dr. Venkman's picture

Shocked that this world is full of assholes. Kudos to the cabbie that wields an Irish whoop ass stick (billy club) and is not afraid to use it.

Bigger balls if it were a caddy with spinning 22's.

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 01:06 | 4134096 Vice
Vice's picture

As a current resident of Chicago, this city is so fucked. It's a shame.

Detroit #2. Thanks to fucking politicians. 

It's true what they say about the "Windy City"

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 01:56 | 4134183 g'kar
g'kar's picture

Hey, that was a potted pot plant at time index 2:30. Cool!

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 03:31 | 4134292 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

You saw that too. I hope that Law Enforcement does not when they seize that video as evidence.


But...they are not blind. And the videographer will be arrested for Marijuana Cultivation...which...in Illinois,,,is not a laughing matter.


No good deed goes unpunished.

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 05:58 | 4134387 Bohm Squad
Bohm Squad's picture

yep...even if that's a tomato, okra, or wild blackberry plant...this guy's got a raid coming his way...new normal.

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