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How JPMorgan's Latest PR Stunt Blew Up In Its Face

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Update: In a shocking turn of events, the FT reports that JPM just canceled the #AskJPM event. The bank said: "#That idea back to the drawing board."

Today, in what is a clear attempt at faux transparency and social media openness, JPM tweeted the following:

Unfortunately for the criminal organization (because after all JPM did admit to violating securities laws), the outcome was not quite as planned... To wit:


   

 

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Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:08 | 4151914 fightthepower
fightthepower's picture

Who owns the Federal Reserve?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:09 | 4151921 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Indeed.  Answer that question...and the sound of shattering allusions is deafening.  

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:27 | 4151950 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

We used to know who owned it when it was created back in 1913.

Other than that we don't know and they aren't saying... so I'm sure everything is on the up & up...

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:42 | 4152044 AllThatGlitters
AllThatGlitters's picture

The fact that JPM tried to do this demonstrates how clearly out of touch they really are. Living in a bubble, oblivious to the fact that lots of people are onto them.

Perhaps that means that when the SHTF, they won't have escaped to an island somewhere, and will be just as oblivious as the torches and pitchfork crowd approaches their door. One could only hope.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:51 | 4152051 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

JPM put a 'kick me' sign on its own back... and people are a kickin'. Good stuff.

It's quite amazing how disconnected from reality they are.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:19 | 4152162 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

How does a trading desk make money 100 out of 100 straight days?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:53 | 4152258 Patriot Eke
Patriot Eke's picture

Andrew Jackson: Face or gut, #AskJPM ?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:29 | 4152381 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

You mean, I can't ask Lee why when Dimon was infront of congress, he wasn't sworn under oath?  Yet a baseball pitcher Roger Clemens was reminded before almost every question that "he was under oath" when grilled about steroids, of all things?

Fuck you Dimon, you piece of SHIT!!  Fuck you Lee.  EAT dog barf Blythe, you stunk pig.

The whole lot of these selfish, greedy, white collar criminals need to burn in hell.

You bastards will get it one day.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:35 | 4152414 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

I thought stealing was the national past time 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:15 | 4152539 MiguelitoRaton
MiguelitoRaton's picture

As a new hire, do I have to sell my soul to the devil BEFORE I start or is that handled in new hire orientation?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 22:00 | 4152656 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

because of this, i will buy one share of twitter

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:57 | 4152260 BoNeSxxx
BoNeSxxx's picture

Damn!  Our own Banzai is on fire!

Props WB!

I almost want to sign up with Twitter just to join in on the fun.  Almost.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:13 | 4152529 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

I set up a fake account with a fake email address I just created.  I'm having a blast.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 22:40 | 4152775 DYS
DYS's picture

Why use a fake account??

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 23:00 | 4152841 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Pure paranoia

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:27 | 4152169 daemon
daemon's picture

" ... and will be just as oblivious as the torches and pitchfork crowd approaches their door."

Maybe, they will be oblivious simply because DHS will be there to take care of that "terrorist" torches and pitchfork crowd, just to ensure that "God's workers" can go on doing business .

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:34 | 4152413 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

What's the diameter of your neck, Jimmy?

Gotta center that monogram.

 

Thu, 11/14/2013 - 07:14 | 4153319 daemon
daemon's picture

 

 

Know, (cough, cough), peasant,.... that my precious neck is not yours to touch .

I am one of those that do God's work, like his Holiness Jamie dimon and, his Holiness too, of course, Lloyd Blankfein .

As for you, scoundrel, you will finish the rest of your miserable life in a galley (one of our future human propelled carrier vessel, to be more precise).

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:06 | 4152302 IllusionOfChoice
IllusionOfChoice's picture

You didn't make that noose.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:14 | 4152533 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Great avatar!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:10 | 4152514 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

Some are going to get away, but many of them will misread the signals and figure they have time for one more con or find that they really weren't as elite as they thought and find themselves simply left behind, caught when the pitchforks and rope comes out. It reminds me of the picture in the Kos of the Wall Street executives standing on a balcony drinking champagne and mocking the Occupy Wall Street crowd. That was a "let them eat cake," moment. They were laughing and taking pictures.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:42 | 4152604 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

 

Yeah, seems a "Its Not So Fucking Funny Now Is It Fucker?!?!??!?" moment is ripe!!

 

Holy Crap this went really well.

 

For morale of those in the know that is...

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:42 | 4152045 JohnnyBriefcase
JohnnyBriefcase's picture

This is possibly my favorite thing ever.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:46 | 4152059 negative rates
negative rates's picture

The ruling elite owns the Fed, The A students, the dry powder A students who are now entitled to anything because, you didn't build that and we take credit for everything positive. 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:01 | 4152117 Sequitur
Sequitur's picture

WilliamBanzai lit that shit UP.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:32 | 4152189 Running On Bing...
Running On Bingo Fuel's picture

Third comment down:
http://postimg.org/image/63tpi6tcn/

Asking the board of inquiries to lookie here:
https://secure.flickr.com/photos/expd/8715278152/

2 pics worth a thousand words.

Over.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:01 | 4152488 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

LMAO, Cheers WB7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 11/14/2013 - 01:19 | 4153145 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

JAMIE DIMON'S NEW BOOK

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:04 | 4152129 Exponere Mendaces
Exponere Mendaces's picture

This reminds me of that scene in Fight Club, with his boss "underneath everything this man took for granted, something horrible had been growing."

I bet they're astounded at how many satirical pictures there are of them - nice work Banzai!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:32 | 4152194 Larry Dallas
Larry Dallas's picture

I'd hate to be the Marketing Firm or Marketing Officer as that person should never be allowed to have a job again. I'm not sticking up for JPM at all, but who ever thought of this should just die. Yesterday.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:46 | 4152236 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

Dani Hughes @divinedani 1m

": Quick! You're locked in a room with no key, a chair, two paper clips, and a lightbulb. How do you defraud investors?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:46 | 4152446 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

that was one of my favorites

it's amazing how evil can bring out the best in our comic sarcasm

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:25 | 4152565 buckethead
buckethead's picture

"I have Mortgage Fraud, Market Manipulation, Credit Card Abuse, Libor Rigging and Predatory Lending AM I DIVERSIFIED?"

 

Thu, 11/14/2013 - 09:54 | 4153556 Karl von Bahnhof
Karl von Bahnhof's picture

JPM OrganChase (TM)

Your kidney will be nice collateral.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:57 | 4152476 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

[sigh] ... so now they've canceled the event what are we gonna do tomorrow at 1PM ................?

 

TOGA PARTY!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:36 | 4152206 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

While this may appear off-topic, it really is appropriate to this discussion:

50 Years Ago: The Kennedy Assassination Revisited

 

During the last few years, there has been a veritable deluge of books filled with misinformation and disinformation on the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

 

Highly unusual is that these money-losing books, from money-losing publishing companies (the majority of them), have a peculiar origin: most of those publishers are owned by a small group of hedge funds, seemingly always involved with ONLY profitable ventures?

 

More than one person has inquired as to why the JFK murder should matter to us today.

 

A pithy and pointed response might be: Vietnam War, oil shocks of the 1970s, Iranian hostage situation, NAFTA, GATT, WTO (and China's entrance into that organization, thereof), 9/11, and the recent global economic meltdown.

 

So, to keep it as short and sweet as possible, let's examine the final actions of the last two US presidents to die in office, FDR and JFK.

 

It is so very simple to understand the individuals who gave the kill orders that day by examining the tax returns of Allen Dulles and John McCloy (without even researching John McCloy's illustrious career, from his time as an attorney for I.G. Farben in Nazi Germany (pre-WWII) and later as chairman of David Rockefeller's Chase Manhattan Bank).

 

David Rockefeller and his brother Nelson, owned the Warren Commission just as most certainly they owned Dulles and McCloy.

 

Case closed.

 

[And the last thing FDR did before he died in office was to give the go ahead to the DOJ to file a lawsuit against the 17 bankers of Wall Street, alleging a criminal conspiracy in corporate ownership, by the banks, dating back to 1915.]

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_v._Morgan_et_al.

 

The last action JFK took before he died in office was to support and give the go ahead to Rep. Wright Patman in his congressional investigation into the super-rich (the banksters) hiding their ownership and wealth in foundations and trusts. Note the similarity of actions: hitting the super-rich at their most vulnerable point, where they hide their ownership and wealth!

 

[Rep. Patman's precursor study was: Tax Exempt Foundations and Charitable Trusts: Their Impact on Our Economy (December 1962) 87th Congress, 2nd Session]

 

Associated links:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Investment_Bankers_Case

 

(You might be suspicious of the link below, but all the data has been verified, and you can easily verify it yourself.)

 

http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/world_order/WorldCh07-1.htm

 

(Information from the above site.)

 

Congressman Wright Patman, chairman of the House Banking and Currency Committee, proved in 1967 Hearings that 14 Rockefeller foundations held assets of more than $1 billion in Standard Oil stock. Not only did they pay no tax on this stock, but it gave them permanent control over the family owned firm. Rival financiers could not buy control of Standard Oil because its stock was insulated by foundation ownership. As Patman pointed out, the fact that the Rockefellers escaped paying huge sums in taxes gave them an unsurpassed market advantage over other firms which had to pay normal rates of taxation.

 

The agitation for increased "corporate taxation" adds to Rockefeller's advantage. Patman said, "The Foundations are the best investments the Rockefeller family could have made."

 

A family member, Senator Nelson Aldrich, shepherded the General Education Board charter through Congress. The Rockefeller Foundation charter proved more difficult. It was a flagrant effort to evade government decrees against the Standard Oil monopoly, but was finally pushed through in 1913 by Sen. Robert F. Wagner of N.Y., setting aside $50 million in Standard Oil of New Jersey stock for "charitable work". The Rockefeller Foundation charter was signed on May 22, 1913. Its incorporators were:

 

• John D. Rockefeller

 

• John D.Rockefeller Jr.

 

• Henry Pratt Judson, of the Lyman and Pratt families, president of University of Chicago

 

• Simon Flexner, educated at Universitv of Berlin and Univ. of Strasbourg, had served with Rockefeller Institute since 1903 as prof. of medicine

 

• Starr Jameson, "personal counsel to John D. Rockefeller in his benevolences"

 

• Jerome D. Greene, secretary of Harvard Corp. 1910-11, banker with Lee Higginson of London, 1912-18, sec. Reparations commission at Paris Peace Conference

 

• Wickliffe Rose, prof. Peabody College, secretary Peabody Educational Fund, trustee of Slater Fund and General Education Board

 

• Charles W. Eliot, also of the Lyman family, married Ellen Peabody, educated in Germany, president emeritus of Harvard

 

An offshoot, the China Medical Board, secured Standard Oil the market for "oil for the lamps of China", and gave the family entree into the highly profitable Asiatic drug trade. The breakthrough was obtained after they financed the rise to power of the Soong family, who created modern China.

 

The list of officers of the Rockefeller Foundation from 1913-63 reveals a great deal about this organization. The four chairmen of the board have been John D. Rockefeller. Jr. 1917-39; Walter D. Stewart, 1939-50; John Foster Dulles, 1950-52; and John D. Rockefeller 3rd, 1952-63.

 

Walter D. Stewart served with Bernard Baruch on the War Industries Board in 1918, was with the Federal Reserve Board from 1922-25, and then joined the law firm of Case, Pomery, a Rockefeller firm. He was economic adviser to the Bank of England 1928-30, Special Adviser to Bank for International Settlements 1931, Presidential Council of Economic Advisors for Eisenhower 1953-56, and later president of the Institute for Advanced Study. In this list of legal and financial posts, one is struck by the conspicuous absence of any "charitable" endeavours.

 

John Foster Dulles, as senior partner of the law firm of Sullivan and Cromwell, carried on the firm's traditional involvement in promoting wars and revolutions. Few Americans know that Sullivan & Cromwell's intrigues made the Panama Canal possible.

 

A 736 page volume, "The Story of Panama, the U.S. House Hearings on Panama in 1913," offers hundreds of pages of documentation proving that William Nelson Cromwell, founder of the firm, and Dulles' mentor, instigated and promoted the Panamanian Revolution for J.P. Morgan and J. & W. Seligman. Morgan subsequently received $40 million in gold from the U.S. Treasury, the largest check it had ever drawn to that time. $35 million of this sum was clear profit.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:09 | 4152312 Clycntct
Clycntct's picture

 Ohhhhh Budddy I needed that. Smack.

Great stuff that I keep? letting it slip away. You bring it back to the front.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 22:22 | 4152727 decon
decon's picture

What about the Executive Order Kennedy was about to issue abolishing the Federal Reserve? That was the nail in his coffin.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:43 | 4152224 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Who owns JPMorgan Chase?

AT&T?

ExxonMobil?

GE?

Morgan Stanley?

Citigroup?

Bank of America?

AXA Holdings?

Citigroup?

Monsanto?

Cross-stock ownershio, you say?

That is illegal in America!

But who or whom is the majority holder of those stocks?

We do know that the Rockefeller family was the majority stake holder, originally, in Apple and Intel and JPMC and AT&T and . . . .

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:54 | 4152470 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

Well from Karen Hudes we know that the Jeuits own CitiBank who acquired that after selling their shares of Bank of America (originally known as Bank of Italy) ... my guess is they own JPM too.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:42 | 4152227 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

OT:  CryptoLocker, a new ransomware--Looks like someone is trying to give BitCoin a real bad name. Gee, I wonder who???

"The CryptoLocker popup directs you to what's called a virtual currency website, in this case one called BitCoin, where users pay real money for virtual money. The hackers can then anonymously access that virtual money and use it online just like the real thing."

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/news/local/new-computer-virus-holds-encrypted-files-ransom/nbrWt/

 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 22:28 | 4152742 Deathrips
Deathrips's picture

Soo...is silver money?

 

Trick question you paper sucking fucks, of course it is..the paper note is the promise that you have some.

 

Have any physical?

 

Dumbasses

 

RIPS

 

Go Bonzai!!

Fuck Jaime & Blythe ...and peers.

 

 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:09 | 4151915 Cdad
Cdad's picture

It would appear that the natives are getting a bit restless...with the criminal syndicate known as Wall Street.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:12 | 4151933 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

THis just made me happy. Tremendous tweets.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:17 | 4151955 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

There's so many of them, though!

Whar's a good Twitter filter when you need one?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:43 | 4152021 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I sure hope Redpill was in there, banging away on them.  His work on the Fed Q&A earlier this year was almost artwork.  I don't think they tried another one of them since.

"When you destroyed Alderaan did you call it a foreclosure or just a few bad apples?"

"I have mortgage fraud, market manipulation, credit card abuse, libor rigging and predatory lending.  AM I DIVERISFIED?"

Classic.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:52 | 4152086 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

This shows how much kerosine is out there. Someone just has to light a match.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:29 | 4152575 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Maybe this is a trial balloon to see how close to being lamppost ornaments they really are.  

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 22:41 | 4152781 KnightTakesKing
KnightTakesKing's picture

Don't think so, Meat. There is always a moral blindness in the elites that prevent them from seeing themselves as we see those evil fuckers. 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 23:10 | 4152870 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Heavy sigh...

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:12 | 4151934 Cdad
Cdad's picture

#ASKJPM...how much silver that you don't have...have you sold this year?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:15 | 4151947 Rand Mises Hayek
Rand Mises Hayek's picture

When is the next Jamie Dimon pep rally? You know when he does the bus tour and everybody screams and applauds like a Pearl Jam concert. I just love those - he is soooo dreamy !!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 22:13 | 4152695 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

#AskJPM: Given Ms. Masters' expertise in the precious metals markets, does Jamie force her to call him Goldmember while she's under his desk blowing him? Does she use kneepads, or does she just rest on his brass balls?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:21 | 4151972 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

I think what we will see more and more of is the absolute and unmitigated cannibalism between the .gov and the .banks. Let the self destruction begin!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:26 | 4151987 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

LMFAO this is awesome...

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:32 | 4152003 Rainman
Rainman's picture

enjoy ....they'll never do this ' transparency thingy ' again. Backfired !

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:16 | 4152153 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I wouldn't expect to see one of dem classic HBS case studies on this lolololo.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:58 | 4152454 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

but to know how many pissed off people have a clue brings tears to my eyes

 

Thu, 11/14/2013 - 01:11 | 4153132 Tsunami Wave
Tsunami Wave's picture

remember when we trolled Blythe Masters' blog?? That was some good times LOL

 

http://blythemasters.blogspot.com/

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:29 | 4151997 geotrader
geotrader's picture

Does Jamie have more money than Blanky?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:30 | 4151999 economessed
economessed's picture

OK, Twitter IS worth $31 billion if it serves as the primary conduit to expose the truth behind JPM's criminal enterprise.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:36 | 4152027 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

we got more IPO where that came from mister. Now get that Linked In profile up to date. We've got a "cram down provision" coming to a theater near you.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:31 | 4152000 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Fucking hilarious...

I couldn't resist taking a kick or two at the can...

@Flakmeister

My fave was this one from @OccupyPhoenix

Does Dimon leave the money on the dresser after he visits Congress? via

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:21 | 4152164 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

To which I replied

That was top shelf.... whether he gave tips to SAC

Thu, 11/14/2013 - 19:22 | 4155900 zanez
zanez's picture

I outdid myself on that one. I think my best was "When you 'bang the close', do you like to pretend it's your Mother?"

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:35 | 4152004 Being Free
Being Free's picture

I sure needed this laugh today.  Thanks Tylers!!!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:32 | 4152008 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

#AskJPM is rocketing up the charts....

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:36 | 4152024 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

@Flakmeister

I want to whether it was Jamie that taped the $2 bill to Bear Stearns bldg.and whether the trading desk was net short on the stock.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:38 | 4152033 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

What a bunch of stupid criminals masquerading as a company

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:10 | 4152140 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

#askDavidRockefeller

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:42 | 4152041 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

So what will Jimmy Lee's new position be? A promo or graburanklesnolube?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:47 | 4152062 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

fuck wish I had a twitter account...want to ask about the tunnel linking them to the fed and how long it takes to move physical gold from the fed vault to the jpm vault and vice versa (to prop up reserves)? is it like a whole weekend kind of thing....

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:06 | 4152502 putaipan
putaipan's picture

but someone did ask about a similar tube in london .... didn't know about that one. good job everyone!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:47 | 4152063 Ezeudu
Ezeudu's picture

I contributed a few to the cause -- maybe I'll write some more later. @Ezeudu

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:01 | 4152118 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Yep, I saw a good one from you...

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:47 | 4152066 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Look how many other ZH'ers there are out there in spirit.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:48 | 4152072 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

Blythe Masters: Landing Strip or Bald Eagle?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:28 | 4152384 Its_the_economy...
Its_the_economy_stupid's picture

really, REALLY, FUNNY!!!!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:49 | 4152074 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

Not_Jim_Cramer making a cameo tweet... Nice!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:18 | 4152158 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

WB7 also on the board.  Great picture- he should put it in here, too.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:49 | 4152621 Boozer
Boozer's picture

Our guy Eric Hunsader from Nanex did as well. 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:49 | 4152076 koncaswatch
koncaswatch's picture

My favorite: What's your favorite whale. Humpback, Rightwhale, Sperm... or London? LMFAO! I'm awestruck, what a thrashing.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:49 | 4152078 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

haven't tweeted in months. that was fun.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:55 | 4152094 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I don't always tweet, but when I do, it's while taking a sheet?

(clicking to see this incident was the first time I visited twitter)

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:49 | 4152079 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

man the questions are hilarious...a lot of sharp funny people out there that see the truth...kind of gives you hope (until that stupid bell rings at 9:30am tomorrow)

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:02 | 4152491 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

comedy is an amazing, powerful weapon

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 22:40 | 4152771 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

I'm not so sure it is people that trade at 930 am. The cyborgs at JPM, yes, but humans, no, I don't think so.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 22:40 | 4152772 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

I'm not so sure it is people that trade at 930 am. The cyborgs at JPM, yes, but humans, no, I don't think so.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:53 | 4152088 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Damn, nobody axed them "where's the Gold?"

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:45 | 4152233 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Hmmmm....believe the answer to that is to be found at N.M. Rothschild and Sons.....

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:24 | 4152369 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

oh I asked them about the gold! Followed by: when that vault goes empty, will you turn it into a skate park?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:09 | 4152511 DadzMad
DadzMad's picture

I saw that.  Bankster Slayer killed a guy.  Did you throw a tweet?  Yeah, there were horses, a man on fire, and I killed a marketing guy's career with a tweet.

We're doing some Ron Burgandy shit on another post and it just came to me.......

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:54 | 4152093 pot_and_kettle
pot_and_kettle's picture

after you're through with your customers, does it make a popping sound when you pull out?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:12 | 4152144 Falling Down
Falling Down's picture

LMAO

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:54 | 4152096 socalbeach
socalbeach's picture

More proof as if you needed any, that bankers just aren't that bright.  I mean who couldn't make profits if you can borrow at almost 0%? 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:55 | 4152098 unununium
unununium's picture

Seeing that twitter feed is a thing of beauty.  Not exactly "my work is done here," but maybe take the afternoon off from trying to wake people up.

 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:55 | 4152099 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

ROFL - Banzai7 strikes again.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:09 | 4152139 DirkDiggler11
DirkDiggler11's picture

It was almost like he was waiting for this opportunity ! His shots scored direct hits !

Fucking Classic !

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:01 | 4152291 Blano
Blano's picture

As I mentioned below, Banzai saw his chance at fame and totally blew thru that door in fine fashion.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:17 | 4152156 Overfed
Overfed's picture

WB7 is kickin' ass and takin' names. This event was made for him.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:25 | 4152175 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

omg the michelangelo bernanke-yellen thing was too much. lolololololol

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:00 | 4152108 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

Are all of these Tweets from ZH'ers...? LMAO! Thx Tyler! One of your best!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:00 | 4152287 Blano
Blano's picture

Along with Banzai I saw Dr. Engali, there's probably others as well.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 18:59 | 4152112 samsara
samsara's picture

Love Krieger's tweet.

 

Michael Krieger @LibertyBlitz

Which one provides a better return on equity:.

The Sinaloa cartel or Los Zetas?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:37 | 4152598 resurger
resurger's picture

EPIC!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:03 | 4152126 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

Banzai7 representing!!! Good for you!!!!  what a fiasco..its like they hired the company that was in charge of the Obamacare website rollout to handle this q and a...

 

in private clubs all over New York GS execs are chestbumping and high fiving each other...

Thu, 11/14/2013 - 00:01 | 4153003 pot_and_kettle
pot_and_kettle's picture

More likely they're getting quotes for moats around their McMansions

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:03 | 4152127 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

#AskJPM shutdown in 3, 2, 1....

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:19 | 4152160 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Hashtags do not shutdown  #takeitlikeaman

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:05 | 4152130 ThorAss
ThorAss's picture

Great, a virtual protest .....

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:07 | 4152133 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Did anyone ask them about their guillotine preference? "Single or double blade?"

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:14 | 4152148 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

I hear you can get them with 5 blades now...

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:13 | 4152143 The Burning Planet
The Burning Planet's picture

So we're there are we? The point in time when PR stunts no longer work. That's pre-apocalypse. Everything is suspended on a froth of bullshit. When the bullshit no longer floats the boats, you know you're close to the end. As Deets replied to the Captain when he said "I hope you're wrong." 

"Yes sir. But I'm not."

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:47 | 4152241 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

That point in time when the majority of Americans finally realize that they exist in a completely fraud-based society, and everything is rigged!

Yes, I believe so. . . .

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:13 | 4152147 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

This is fucking hilarious - a real-life version of the Simpson's episode where Mr Burns inadvertantly signs up for an interview on a shock radio show in an effort to improve his image.

 

Well JPM, at least now you know what everybody thinks of you - did you really think you were fooling anybody as you raped and pillaged the country?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:13 | 4152325 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

I hope Lloyd sees this.  he makes a lot public appearances with jamie, but you know, that there can't be 'co-heads'.  somebody needs to be running the planet.

Lloyd - man up!!  dammit.  do a public q&a.  i love calamari and squid.  with piquant sauce.

let's see what people really think about 'doing god's work'.  and - you have the means to do multiple languages, interpreters.  why not invite the greeks (by jove, did you fck them royally with cds and fx derivs).  and a few of the other countries you've taken down.

but - what the hey.  lloyd, i'm with you.  you didn't do anything illegal.  you're making a damn good buck, and how can you help it if somebody else is stupid and took the wrong credit/interest rate risk?  i mean, if they had any brains, they'd be partner track and working for you 14/7.

 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:16 | 4152155 WeTheSheeplez
WeTheSheeplez's picture

#AskJPM I need a $1million loan to start a new business building Guillotines can you help me?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:20 | 4152163 Sufiy
Sufiy's picture

Have fun - Jon Stewart at his best!


Jon Stewart And Matt Taibbi: Banksters, Presstitutes And Why Nobody Should Shed a Tear for JP Morgan Chase


  Matt Taibbi continues his brilliant work as one of the last real investigative journalists left at his best. Jon Stewart is on par translating the situation for those who has difficulties with concentration and reading.    We will ask our rhetorical question again: after LIBOR fraud, FOREX manipulations, Mortgage scam and Pension looting - Is The Gold Manipulation To Be Admitted Next? http://sufiy.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/jon-stewart-and-matt-taibbi-bankster...

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:53 | 4152266 Hey Assholes
Hey Assholes's picture

Jon "Stewart" (Jonathan Liebowitz) has an older brother, Larry Liebowitz - COO of the NY Stock Exchange.

 

Do the math.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:03 | 4152292 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

Oldie but goodie:  Attack the messenger.

It's common knowledge that brothers agree all the time on every subject.

Were you looking in the mirror when you came up with that catchy user-name?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:34 | 4152407 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Yo... been a long time...

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 23:08 | 4152866 toxic8
toxic8's picture

J. Stewart is an entertaining guy, but safely draws the line at just that, entertainment ... and fails the litmus test on any issue of REAL importance

Thu, 11/14/2013 - 00:35 | 4153089 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Let me guess, O'Reilly is a go-to-guy? 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:24 | 4152170 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Banzai was diplomatic too: he didn't post the infamous "Save the Whale"

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:35 | 4152204 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Actually, he did. LOL!!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:38 | 4152214 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Hahahhaaa!!!  Excellent! 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 21:06 | 4152501 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

yes, fuck diplomacy

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:28 | 4152385 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

I was kind of hoping for Banzai's "Open Kimono" classic.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:25 | 4152174 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

Guy Ventner @GuyVentner

Jamie is it more expensive to buy off a Regulator, Fed Offical or Senator?

Pure fucking awesomeness

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:26 | 4152176 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

JPM had to post this tweet, as a trial balloon , to see if they need to leave the country this weekend ....I think they have their answer. 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:40 | 4152215 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

They asked Jimmy Lee

What type of lawn grass would he be.

Had he thought long upon

He'd say the kind the dogs don't shiton.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:41 | 4152217 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

should ask..when the end comes, do you prefer a public spectacle like Mussolini went through...or something more low key like what Nicolae Ceauescu went through?

 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:46 | 4152234 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Jamie doesn't always have sex, but when he does, he prefers donkeys....

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:23 | 4152362 kurt
kurt's picture

Spunky

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:46 | 4152235 venturen
venturen's picture

I have no time to make comments here...with the #ASKJPM commentfest!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:49 | 4152252 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

That twitter IPO might be on to something.

Its a great way for the masses of the population to direct hatred at the biggest assholes on the planet.

If that aint worth 40$ a share, I don't know what is.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:46 | 4152448 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

All I want for Christmas is #AskPOTUS.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:49 | 4152248 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Eat shit and die Vice Chairman Jimmy Lee.  Fucking cockroach.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:50 | 4152254 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

That image of the London Whale shooting dollars up in the air through its spout was a hoot.

 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 19:58 | 4152278 Blano
Blano's picture

OMFG LMAO.....Banzai just found his 15 minutes of fame and totally exploited it.  My hero!!!!!!

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:04 | 4152296 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

One them asked:  What will you do with the savings after firing your social media team?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:12 | 4152321 WillyWonka
WillyWonka's picture

I signed up for a twitter account just to join the fun...thought I'd never do that...(#NoLuckMcFuc)

Gratz to Banzi!  His gifts will be felt in the halls of JPM's marketing team for quite sometime

 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:13 | 4152327 Whatta
Whatta's picture

#AskJPM

Can you ask Blythe for us how come silver and gold are being manipulated?

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:22 | 4152328 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

The only way.... that JP Morgan can have a discussion in a public way and look like a legitemate non criminal enterprise.... is if the entire discussion was staged and scripted.

 

The public knows.... that these guys are criminals.

They know that they committed fraud, that they continue to commit fraud.

They know that they are stealing peoples money and retirement funds.

They know that institutions like JP MORGAN are raising the cost of living for hundreds of millions of people globally, not just here in America.

They know that institutions like JP Morgan buy off politicians have laws changed to suite their needs.... our government is tailored like a fine suite to fit JP morgans obese ass.

They know that JP Morgan and institutions of the like are responsible for the meltdown in 2007~ 2009.

They know that millions of Americans are suffering hardships just so that pompous assholes can take out 100 million dollar bonuses.

 

The bankers are delusional, if they think they can ask the public for feedback and not get instantly flamed, too bad the law has not caught up with the sentiment of the masses yet, and who knows if it ever will chances are most of these rats will fly to their private island and retire when the law finally catches up with them.

 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:34 | 4152405 Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

Yes... Hubris in full display, and they had not a clue.
Almost as frightening, neither did their marketing/media lackeys.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:15 | 4152329 AurorusBorealus
AurorusBorealus's picture

So, if the military and the National Guard side with the revolutionaries (which I doubt, given the latest round of purges), how much should I charge the JPM and GS executives and their political friends to help them get started down here when they have to flee to Argentina, like the other fallen fascists before them?

Shame they took down the tweet.  Was going to tweet them an offer.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:19 | 4152346 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

To William Banzai7 and all my other twitter and ZeroHedge homies ... thank you, THANK YOU, for a LOVELY Wednesday afternoon. A job well done pummeling the #AskJPM hashtag. 

 

Twitter has now blocked me for "re-tweeting" too much.

<sniff ... I love you guys>

Thu, 11/14/2013 - 01:22 | 4153151 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Twitter obviously has the wrong political frame.

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:20 | 4152350 CharliePrince
CharliePrince's picture

dear ask@jpmorgan

what criminals acts do you have planned for 2014,

 

can i front run them  ?        thx 

Wed, 11/13/2013 - 20:29 | 4152388 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Tomorrow we'll be tweeted the list of acceptable questions to choose from, and the session will be back on like Donkey Kong. But, good luck getting in line ahead of Maria Bartiromo.

Here's a sample of what to expect:

How much was 2012 GDP reduced by the Occupy Wall Street protests?

How can Blythe Masters be so honest and pure and successful at trading at the same time?

Was the London Whale incident a setup by the Iranians?

Did Jamie Dimon really turn down an opportunity to be Treasury Secretary and Pope on the same day?

........

 

 

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