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How JPMorgan's Latest PR Stunt Blew Up In Its Face
Update: In a shocking turn of events, the FT reports that JPM just canceled the #AskJPM event. The bank said: "#That idea back to the drawing board."
Today, in what is a clear attempt at faux transparency and social media openness, JPM tweeted the following:
Tomorrow at 1pm ET $JPM Vice Chairman Jimmy Lee takes over @JPMorgan to answer your questions for 1 hour. Tweet your Q early using #AskJPM
— J.P. Morgan (@jpmorgan) November 13, 2013
Unfortunately for the criminal organization (because after all JPM did admit to violating securities laws), the outcome was not quite as planned... To wit:
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WB7!
Way to rock them.
You are on your way to superstar staus now!
If I were locked in a room with Dimon, Hitler, and Stalin, and had a gun with 2 rounds, I would shoot Dimon twice. How about you? #AskJPM
DEAR JIMMY, why are you LYING AGAIN about 'taking on WAMU'? YOUR scam made a $264 BILLION gain in your own words, so why are you acting like you did everyone a big favor when you STOLE WAMU via FRAUD AND COLLUSION with the FrauDIC , and your lying cunt GF at the time, muttface sheila bear?
JIMMY, will you be telling the TRUTH to the world about PROJECT WEST anytime soon, and is that total fucking pussy Kerry Killinger free to live his life again, without threat of instant assassination if he breathes a word about the truth, regarded the theft of WAMU by your so-called bank, JPIG?
Lastly Jimmy, how is your mega-trillion sand castle, errr, exuse me, FORTRESS BALANCE sheet doing these days, according to GAAP ? You can plead the 5th on that, we already know the truth.
#AskJPM canceled? Wondering why - so many thought provoking questions... #Spoilsports #TheresAPartyGoingOn #ItsYourPartyAndYouCanCryIfYouWantTo
From the feed: a collection of good'uns...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/13/askjpm-twitter-qa-turns-i_n_4269795.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003
and this one
How many "Get out of Jail Free" cards comes with your Monopoly game #AskJPM
Hahaha, Jamie's daughter, Laura tweeted on there!
Double-tap
Hmmmm, really? I'm still waiting for someone to bathe her, and bring her to me.
WOW WB7 and Flickr hit it out of the park....lol; bravo! Its in technicolor and panorama.
Meanwhile back at JPM ranch : We are temporarily out of office. Don't call us we'll call you...
Epic!
Zane Zodrow @ZaneZodrow 3 min
When you "bang the close" do you like to pretend it's your Mother? #AskJPM
It was a glorious afternoon. Christmas came early. The best things really are free.
;-)
I'm going to log into my fake twitter account which I made a couple years ago just to have some fun with this one for a few minutes.
The comments on #askjpm are hilarious!!
Zane Zodrow @ZaneZodrow 29 min
If I were locked in a room with Dimon, Hitler, and Stalin, and had a gun with 2 rounds, I would shoot Dimon twice. How about you?
My fav: "Do you recycle Congressmen or but new ones every few years."
"Priceless!"
It would be a pretty good business model if you could collect a fee on every comment.
lmao
Damn missed this epic event .. I had a very valid question too.
#askjpm: When you meet all those destitute Americans whose only remaining possessions are an AR15 and 10,000 rounds of ammunition, what do you think you might have time to say?
#AskJPM I heard that you were going to give predatory home loans to toddlers, any comment?
Does your mom know what you do, or did you tell her you run guns & drugs for South American cartels? #AskJPM
Lol, saw you on TWTR.
One thing I hate about that site is that messages have no staying power. It's like shouting into a blizzard.
If I sign papers for a new house today, How long will it take for you to steal it from me? #AskJPM
Awesome if Alexis really does ...
@alexisgoldstein 4mCO-SIGN RT @emptywheel DO IT RT @ddayen: Maybe I'll step up and answer all the #AskJPM questions.
#AskJPM have you built a time machine with stolen money, and are you going to go back in time before you thought the Twitter Q&A up?
Nice one, Tyler! Sooo ... if the People learn that when they band together, they can shut down a bank's social media session ... can we also band together AND SHUT DOWN THE WHOLE BANK???
@zerohedge 4mJPM just bought CDS on everyone who mocked it.
#askJPM do you think you'll be more successful than Michael Corleone was in transitioning your crime family to a one that is totally legit?
#AskJPM If I make my own credit cards in the basement to pay off the ones I made last year, is that fraud?
What do they need PR for they own the world don't they?
It's not enough to say that JPM and the other Wallstreeter crooks are a blight on human existence.
You have to transcend that clear understanding and attach it to the rest of the fellow travelers that take JPM's (OUR) money for goods, services and the extension of their corruption.
Take every politician that EVER took a piece of JPM criminality. Those guys are equally guilty of these financial crimes. So WHO exactly are these scum? Who are their staffs? Where do they eat, shop and Summer?
Who are these people that work as consultants, lobbyists, IT support, limo drivers, executive protection, and caterers? These creatures also profit from JPM continued misconduct and until those people turn their collect backs on these Beasts ...
Well the Sun will continue to be blotted.
No Quarter.
LOL, #fedtownhall is now accepting #askjpm tweets.
Mathew Kagis @OccupyMedicFollow
#FedTownHall As @jpmorgan has cancelled THEIR Q&A, will you answer the #AskJPM questions?
7:06 PM - 13 Nov 2013Quite a contrast here between the twitter response and the abject ass-kissing when he testifies in front of a Congressional panel, flashing his presidential cufflinks. Maybe he forgot to wear them today?
F-ing awesome. I am opening a twit account and buying it's stock tomorrow!
Jamie should have posted this on TWTR ipo day........would have went to $500
LOL!!!
#AskJPM there is nothing better than homeless Americans.... am I right? Am I right? (High fives all around)
JPM wandered into an ambush. WB7 waiting in the weeds with the heavy stuff. Priceless!!!
Couldn't somebody just save and copy ALL those tweets and publish them in a light-hearted comical paperback like the kind you buy in an airport, just in time of the holidays?
Couldn't somebody just save and copy ALL those tweets and publish them in a light-hearted comical paperback like the kind you buy in an airport, just in time of the holidays?
That's be stealing. You could do it samizdat-style and give it away, per Fair Use, but any legit publisher with a brain would insist on signed releases from all the quoted authors, as well as Twitter itself, before commercial use could be made of it.
Original material is protected by copyright even if not so marked.
Post your comments, diatribe and links here
http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2013/11/13/after-twitter-fail-jpmorgan-calls...
Haha just saw William bonzais tweet! Eat cock JPMorgan!
What a disgrace the entire banking industry has become!!! They should all be in jail.
See JIM CRAMER'S TERRIBLE STOCK PICKS--MUST SEE!! Below... Hilarious:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lhwplunz7-I
LMAO!!
Lloyd Blankfein and the entire executive suite are hunched over a first year analyst's twitter feed laughing their asses off over #AskJPM.
Evidently, JPM thought it would be just like an earnings call where a bunch of suckups get their questions pre-screened to see if their questions have enough ass kissing in them.
Please send prayers and angels to help these suffering people now.:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2505133/Tacloban-Shocked-labour-...
I haven't had this much fun since the mother-in-law took the daughter for the weekend........a different kind of fun, but fun nonetheless.
Do this many people really get it or did i just have too much bourbon with dinner?
i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this!
jpm obviously has their head totally up their ass...this is GREAT!
This does remind me of when ZH put up the SF Fed question of the peoples thoughts of QE. The people here responded just as quickly. Great Job!
JPM is a hint for Jamie:
JEBI PI?KU MATERINU !
k- that was primitive, srry ....
"...such "tricks" of hiding the real deficit were applied in other countries too, like Italy, member of the eurozone, with the "help" of JP Morgan..."
http://failedevolution.blogspot.gr/2013/11/a-short-story-of-how-country-...
#AskJPM Now that Housing is dead, how much are you making off Sub-Prime Auto Loans? Escalades for everyone in the ghetto right? #SpinnerRims
Guess who sent that one?
Me = Obie. Not my beautiful White family in the picture, but they are pleasant to look at.
Thanks for picking that one tweet out of the hundreds of thousands to choose from.
I closed my Chase account as soon as I learned that JP had Tesla's lab burned down back in the day. Not supporting that kind of evil.
JPM & Co. fucking the little guys for over 100 years.
I cant read the tweets. I hate Twitter almost as much as I despise JPM.
Oh dear...the Morgue opened its doors, and found that lively souls want it buried.
Some clever munchkins in the land of Oz, more than a match en masse for the criminal class. Personally, I blame the parents... for inciting their children to defy the robber barons ;-) Well done all honest dissenters. Speak truth to power.
AskJPM:
How many trillions of unregulated derivatives does it take to cross-collateralize a lightbulb?
Dear JPM,
How can I steal, scheme and scam money from "the little people", get prosecuted, pay a fine, keep 50% of the profits, and then avoid prison time?
Excited to learn your craft!
-Terror
AskJPM:
What size neckties does the Executive Committee wear? Is it OK if they are flaming tires?
JPM is apparently unaware of their poor standing among sentient beings guided by a sense of justice and fair play and universally recognized moral principles.
Double post
What's the best way to get blood stains out of a clown suit? #AskJPM
+one million!
Yall have all been cataloged for her dimon disrespect.
As Jamie sifts through the tweets and Z/H comments he asks himself ' where are all the nsa trolls and other fucks on my payroll with their downs and moral support damage limitation packages '
Jamie even they see the writing on the wall you cunt!
THESE MAKE MY SOUL FEEL SO GOOD.
@JPMorgan if a banker steals someone's money, and no one goes to jail, did it really happen? #askJP
was gone a few hrs - can someone link what banzai posted??
JPM should have figured out how to front run the twitter feed. Are they really the smartest guys in the room? I don't think so.
Book of these tweets needs to be made. Fuck copyrights.
Do these pants make my ass look like a massive, worldwide, criminal organization? #AskJPM
Why did Jamie Dimon's octogenarian Father's JPM salary nearly quadruple to $1.6M from '10 to '12? #askJPM
JPM had $9.15B in legal expenses for 3Q 2013. $100M PER DAY. Do they teach this at Harvard Business School? #AskJPM
Guilty of municipal bond rigging conspiracy in 31 states. Did widows and orphans pose too big of a challenge? #AskJPM
Is bribery of federal government officials counted as a marketing expense, or a legal expense?” , #AskJPM
#AskJPM Are you disappointed that you were born too late to finance Hitler's war machine/death camps?
#AskJPM Do people at the SEC really prefer midget tranny porn?
When giving Eric Holder orders, do you have to speak slowly and avoid big words? #AskJPM
Does Mary Jo White have a pet name for Dimon's private parts?
Hello Jamie Dimon,
Thank you for offering this chance to ask JP Morgan questions.
Who tried to kill JP Morgan Chase whistleblower Andrew Maguire the day after he testified against you in court? Were you doing, "God's work" when you had your goons try to kill him and his wife by T-boning him in traffic? Or pehaps working for someone else who's name is an anagram for Santa? Jamie, where is you bugout hideaway? Is it in a country with a non-extradition treaty to the US like Switzerland or Paraguay? Where have you hidden the millions, er excuse me, billions you stole from your clients, and fellow Americans? How long do you think an army of hackers will take to find your secret stashes? Can you really trust any of your associates and employees, because they have proven themselves to be heartless sociopaths? How long do you estimate before Goldman Sachs, posing as regulators and gatekeepers in the CFTC, the DOJ, and many other places throws you under the bus, or have they already? Since your world is comprised of self absorbed greed obsessed sociopaths, can you really trust anyone in your inner circle, or will they too throw you under the bus to save their own skin? Happy Holidays, Jamie!