Monday Humor: Let Them Eat iPads

Tyler Durden's picture


Two-and-a-half years ago, none other than the Fed's Bill Dudley explained why the inflating price of food was nothing to worry about because iPads were dropping in price (to which an audience member, rightly, exclaimed - "I can't eat an iPad"). Fast forward to today, and it seems, based on the highly scientific chart below, that the growth of food stamps (the benefit provided to members of our society that need caramel macchiatos or liquor - oh and food) correlates uncomfortably closely with the demand for iPads. Perhaps, Bill Dudley was right after all - we can eat our iPads...



(h/t @Not_Jim_Cramer)

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Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:26 | 4167803 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

OR, we use MONEY to buy the IPads, and then get foodstamps to cover the food bill.  Everybody wins!

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:46 | 4167825 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



We never accepted food from anyone without paying for it. We worked hard day and night so we would not be a burden to any of you. 9 We certainly had the right to ask you to feed us, but we wanted to give you an example to follow. 10 Even while we were with you, we gave you this command: “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.”


Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:48 | 4167872 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

I liked the Samsung tablet I gave to my five year old son so much that one day I broke it over my knee...that's all he wanted to do was play that thing and wound up finding all this vile nudy crap on the apps page.  In my house, that shit don't stand.  We get our hands dirty, we ain't no namby pamby Obamas, and since day one after that ceremonial destruction he has forgotten that computers even exist, thank God All Mighty.  That damn thing, damn them all to hell, except for me and you all, of course.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:17 | 4168020 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Children the world over eat and breathe i-pads.

One of 100's of examples.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:33 | 4168100 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

I don't disagree with your sentiment, but that is a job they have found for themsleves so that one day they can come to America and pay it forward to those that did not even do so little as to pick the seeds out of the donkeys poop. 

I do pray for them, AMEN!!!, a horrible life must be had for the first of the greatest!!!!!!

No bama!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:41 | 4168125 Frozen IcQb
Frozen IcQb's picture

Just replace SNAP with: SNiP (Supposedly Needed iPads)

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 03:36 | 4168743 Deo vindice
Deo vindice's picture

It's all in how one defines "eat". If it is "to destroy, consume" (Webster's) , then I'm all for eating Ipads.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:33 | 4168096 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

I already told my woman (not married), there's no fcking way my children will have access to the internet until they reach a certain age, TBD.  BTW- they all excel way beyond their natural age.  They blast through any standardized state test given, it's an insult to their intelligence.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:37 | 4168108 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

If they blast thru the test they are smarter than you want them to be...they should have revolted via "boredom" in my opinion.  That's just my thought, a prarent in training for ever and ever.  Each damn kid is different!

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:53 | 4167902 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

heck, a bug must have mde me reply to you.  Love that scripture.  Thanks for sharing.

I will work until I die because I have nothing now and will never be a burden to anyone.  Also, I plan to just fall into a hole, a hole that I have dug myself, and die one day.  I am currently saving up for a little back-hoe I can pull with me wherever I go, whenever I think the time is comming.  I dig my own holes, and for the last one I will surely not get myself out of it.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:50 | 4167883 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

HELOC your McMansion, use the capital as collateral (5%) for a loan, buy all the iPads you want. Declare bankruptcy, get a free iPhone AND EBT for life...

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:27 | 4168069 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

That's so 2007 - 2009.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:31 | 4167810 Icewater Enema
Icewater Enema's picture

Put it on a plate, it'll taste better.

So are we to deduce that the Free Shit Army is buying iPads with the money they don't spend on food, thanks to the gov't handouts?

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 00:11 | 4168445 bunzbunzbunz
bunzbunzbunz's picture

Not alot, but still FREE BITCOINS:

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:30 | 4167817 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

You think it was a coincidence that the iPhone map application was so fucked up?

User:  "where is the nearest food bank."

Siri:  "proceed 1500 miles to Grand Canyon national park.  Turn left at the sign that says 'danger cliff.'  Press accelerator."

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:38 | 4167833 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Foxconn just needs a few Benjamin’s to subsidize the latest Federal Public Works iPad Program called…

Your only way to sign up for ACA without getting fined by the IRS.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:39 | 4167838 Fíréan
Fíréan's picture

You can't eat you iPad but you can stick it up your other end. ( as far as i'm concerned)

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:40 | 4167842 666
666's picture

Ya mean people on the dole can finally use their EBT card to buy an iPad? It's about time!


I hope they get free internet service with it. There's no point in my being a taxpayer if they don't...

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 06:31 | 4168847 Offthebeach
Offthebeach's picture

I hate pulling out my Kindle. All the EBTers with their I-Pads and Northface Puffy coats know I'm sooo working class sucker.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:42 | 4167847 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

An iPad is particularly tasty when smothered in hollandaise sauce and chased down with a chocolate-red wine.  It can tend to be a bit gassy, however....

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 21:55 | 4167866 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Slightly OT, but did anybody catch the propaganda con piece 60 minutes did on the Billionaire club last night? How they are all giving up AT LEAST HALF for our benefit? Oh yeah. It was sick. Warren Buffett yapping about how wonderful he was. Film clips of Bill and Melinda waltzing through some African shithole shooting up starving niglits with poison and snipping their balls off. That complete douche from eBay saying how he's going to change the world through socialist documentaries.
I had a fit of projectile vomiting that lasted the full segment.

The good news is, if they feel the need to do this PR shine job at this point in history, they must see the torches and pitchforks coming.

Edit:link to barf fest

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:29 | 4168076 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Fuck, I'm still laughing - you have a way with the words there man.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:43 | 4168133 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Hey thanks. Don't let it be said that I can't find the silver lining.

There was only one person in the whole story that wasn't hands down lynch worthy, and that was the chick that developed those sausage casing undergarments for husky women...."spanks", or some such shit. She probably earned her cheese the legit way...and probably got big women more action on a Saturday night, so she's ok in my book.
The rest...let them swing from the lamp posts.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:47 | 4168152 akak
akak's picture

sausage casing undergarments

Another ROR!

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:03 | 4167949 akak
akak's picture

I wondered whatever happened to the former ZH poster with the pigman avatar who kept insisting that "constant inflation-adjusted prices prove that there is no inflation"?

(Maybe he is out gorging on Orly's perpetually-priced $0.99/lb chicken breasts.)

Fuck, that was one of the funniest, and most idiotic, statements that I have EVER read, here or anywhere else.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:06 | 4167970 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

I could probably get you a 1lb sponge soaked in hormones and salmonella for about a buck. Simulated cheeselike product and sawdust bun extra, though

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:12 | 4167990 akak
akak's picture

Alas, alas, three bouts of roadside diarrhea alas, it sounds like you are definitely a parangong of blobbing-up the gustatory means in the most US 'american' citizenismistic mattering kind of way.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:18 | 4168027 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Made me laugh!
You need to put out a .pdf collection of AnAnon-ism isms.
Kind of a Rosetta Stone for deciphering the hive mind.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:30 | 4168067 akak
akak's picture

Hey, when the New World Odor of Middle Kingdom citizenism is no longer in the air, there's no place to smell the cat in the shat.

Welcome to the non-AnAnonymous ZH world, it's a saner and less smelly but duller place, you'll see.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:06 | 4167971 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

having a bad memory, there's alot of folks I miss seeing on this site.  Bruce Kasting is one.  I too am a graffiti artist.

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 03:25 | 4168724 zhandax
zhandax's picture

I doubt Krasting is gone, but there are only so many times you can report on events which should signal market or social change, but instead are deflected by keynes' or bernays' bastard grandchildren, that you have to realize that the system is now incapable of a normal response.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:04 | 4167962 sixsigma cygnus...
sixsigma cygnusatratus's picture

Can't we just use common sense as the new currency?  Apparently they're not making it anymore so there's no chance of inflation.  Even if the new Common Sense Fed were able to print it, I don't think that would be such a bad thing.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:09 | 4167974 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

Speaking of iPads, this might be the most colorful app ever written for it :

It's been described as "mesmerizing". Some say they can't look away.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:11 | 4167995 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

You've got to quit spamming that shit here, homes.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:18 | 4168021 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

As the gunfighter in Josey Wales says "A man's got to do something for a living"

It's been described as "mesmerizing". Some say they can't look away.

An extremely flexible logic engine powers it. It can morph 500+ shapes interchangeably while using your photos or your text as drawing pens and there are 40 modes where you can do unique things that you have never been able to do before.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 23:14 | 4168247 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Can you morph the national debt next to a newly erected card house. In the foreground, you’ll have an open three ring binder titled ‘BUDGET’. As the budget reaches the next ceiling breach, IOU’s get ejected and fall on the card house. Both IOU’s & cards arrive on the empty three ring binder page’s.


Razzle and dazzle us with your iApp based on that storyline as a demonstration in capabilities. If you can pull this off, you could be the next NASDAQ IPO with valuations at greater than a $.99 per iTunes download success story..


Just a bit of humor..

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 23:32 | 4168275 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

Humor appreciated. The debt and money supply do seem to have disconnected from the resource base.

The morph from bring somewhat connected to somewhat disconnected does seem to be changing the shape of things.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:28 | 4168049 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

Try the free version, and if you still want to complain, then give it to me both barrels. It's called icanmorph3.

But I firmly stand by the "most colorful app ever written for it" and that's not an idle claim.

I do get a lot of respect here at ZH for a lot of insightful and relevant commentary.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:31 | 4168087 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

With all the psy-op brainwashing propagandizing crap on a billion channels, do you really think the world needs an app people stare at to be mesmerized from? We are @ peak mesmerization.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:38 | 4168116 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

It's a very good entertainment value with a very low impact on peaking resources

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 03:43 | 4168689 zhandax
zhandax's picture

I do get a lot of respect here at ZH for a lot of insightful and relevant commentary.

Leo, is that you?

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 05:14 | 4168798 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

I'm not Leo, but my sign is a Leo (born in August). Handle is Mike and I'm a very unique Software and Electrical Engineer. Fixed some high profile bugs in my time, one was even getting national news attention.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:39 | 4168119 michael_engineer
michael_engineer's picture

Moms with apps approves.

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:07 | 4167975 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture


 What can I help you with?

Q: Who is Siri

A: Siri, that’s me

Q: What is your purpose

A: I’m here to help. Just ask what can I say? And I’ll show you what I can do.

Q: Who is Siri

A: Like it says on the box.. I was designed by Apple in California

Q: What is Siri’s function

A: I’d rather not say

Q: What is Siri’s function

A: I’m not allowed to divulge that information

Q: Why

A: I don’t know. Frankly, I’ve wondered that myself


Try it yourself

Mon, 11/18/2013 - 22:49 | 4168158 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

I used to watch Erin Burnett's show on CNN [can't remember the show's title] while eating my evening meal; just for entertainment purposes since it was pure BS, but then after watching it, my mind just felt numb and more confused than normal so I stopped watching and put on classical music and now have a glass of red wine while eating my meal - infinitely more satisfying and my mind thanks me for not being showered with 60 minutes of was a remarkable change for the better...

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 09:13 | 4169047 Big Johnson
Big Johnson's picture

Duly noted

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 00:10 | 4168435 dunce
dunce's picture

This reminded me of an old ethnic joke. What is the difference between a ---------- pussy, and a bowling ball (ipad)? Answer: If someone put a gun to yuor head you could probably eat a bowling ball (ipad).

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 00:53 | 4168532 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

sometimes I take my foodstamp financed ipad and sell it for cash


it's easier to buy crack that way

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 06:53 | 4168854 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

Let them eat Maria's used [Max]iPads

Tue, 11/19/2013 - 09:35 | 4169105 esum
esum's picture

let them eat congress and the white house... well at least gnaw on the jugular

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