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Believe It Or Not: Japan To Reopen Soccer Facility In Fukushima For 2020 Olympics

Tyler Durden's picture


Below we present a twitter exchange we had with a Japanese media outlet overnight on Twitter. It needs no commentary.


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Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:10 | 4190430 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

If you build it...they will fry.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:13 | 4190439 Gene Parmesan
Gene Parmesan's picture

If you build it they will come







down with cancer years later.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:14 | 4190442 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

It's the Japanese for Christ's sake !!!!!!

It has ALWAYS been about honor and saving face !!!!!!

But now YOU get to commit HARI KARI for THEM........not the other way around.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:18 | 4190455 Frozen IcQb
Frozen IcQb's picture

Glow in the dark soccer!

How cool is that?

Only in Japan


Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:26 | 4190488 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Think about all the money they will save by not having to turn on the lights!

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:37 | 4190501 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



So, kid, did you enjoy watching the game?

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:39 | 4190531 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

The movie " Akira" is looking prophetic right now.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:48 | 4190545 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



I am going out on a very short, thick, stout limb to make a prediction that geiger counters will not be allowed at the facilities.  It will be for your safety.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:50 | 4190557 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

I'm predicting the balls on the players will be exactly the same size as the soccer balls, thus leading to very confusing gameplay and a host of groin injuries...

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:07 | 4190580 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

This is like a real life version of X-Men. Mutants will win the games!!

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 13:27 | 4190893 remain calm
remain calm's picture

Playing for the Cesium Cup

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 13:54 | 4191010 Dogface
Dogface's picture

Ukraine and Japan in the finals...

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:17 | 4190599 Lost My Shorts
Lost My Shorts's picture

Also predicting not a lot of stoppage time added to the end of matches.  And lead jockstraps will be the hot fashion accessory.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:31 | 4190637 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

The ZH humorists did NOT let me down this morning...

Pluses for all of you.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:37 | 4190666 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

You know, with this picture you probably just gave the TSA goons an idea.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 16:09 | 4191593 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Hmm, replace those five interlocking rings with black & yellow radiation circles...

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:17 | 4190458 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

that warm fuzzy feeling you feel in your guts?....


Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:47 | 4190549 PT
Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:21 | 4190471 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

In addition, a new startup company near J Village was announced....

AquaFukushima® bottled water goes through a state-of-the-art purification process so that you get the refreshment your body craves in its purest form. Our water will make your body GLOW.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:11 | 4190433 prains
prains's picture

I feel so sorry for all the young kids working their butts off to make the 2020 Olympics, what a JOKE Japan, you should be so ashamed of your gov't




Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:48 | 4190553 Popo
Popo's picture

Judging from the exploding Japanese populations in Bangkok and Singapore -- I'd say they are doing something:   Leaving.

As usual, it's those without cash that are getting fucked.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:26 | 4190626 JeffB
JeffB's picture

The Olympic Committee or whomever should just put a stop to it.

Of course it may all be moot anyway if it all blows up by then... another earthquake &/or tsunami... or the Japanese or world economy blows up.


Tue, 11/26/2013 - 16:11 | 4191601 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

I wonder if the radiation badges/dosimeters are gonna be gold, silver and bronze...

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:12 | 4190434 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

they can play night games without needed lights.  just watch the green guys chase the flourescent yellow ball.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:12 | 4190435 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

On the plus side, they will not need any stadium lighting.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:38 | 4190530 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

Lance Armstrong announces...

Fukushima's Testicular Livestrong Radiation Therapy Bathhouses

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:11 | 4190436 FuzzyDunlop21
FuzzyDunlop21's picture

Why wait? You can recreate the experience by sticking your head in the microwave and pushing the start button.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:11 | 4190437 Trimmed Hedge
Trimmed Hedge's picture

Me Japanese

Me play joke

Me put radioactivity in your Coke...

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:16 | 4190452 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

I think I'm turning Japanese

I think I'm turning Japanese

I really think so !



Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:13 | 4190441 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture





Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:14 | 4190444 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

"Never give a sucker an even break."

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:16 | 4190449 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Well, I think the wrestling matches will look a lot like  THE HULK AGAINST GODZILLA!!!

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:16 | 4190457 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

*SNORT* !!!

Well....there goes the chocolate milk through the nose !!   LOL !!!!!    +1000 Mothras

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:16 | 4190450 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

Janet Yellen can not see any radiations. We are ok.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:16 | 4190453 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

All Olympic athletes can make a stand and boycott Japan's Olympics.  This will force the media to stop their Marxist imposed blackout of what has really been happening in Fukushima and will expose the very real massive amounts of contamination spewing out of that place into the atmosphere and into the now very dead Pacific Ocean.

It will force the governments to start talking about it and hopefully telling the truth as well and maybe countries all over the world will begin to acknowledge this mess and start working together on a plan to contain that mess and save what's left of the planet before Tepco and Japan cause a greater fuking disaster with those spent fuel rods.

Athletes all over the world endeavoring to go to those Olympic games only do so at the risk of their lives and they should refuse to go unless the world wakes up and tackles that situation with all their might to get it contained.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:31 | 4190643 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture

Athletes are sheeple too.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:16 | 4190454 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     The Japs are going to Shanghai all the olympic spectators and force march them over to Fukushima reactor #4 to remove the fuel rods by hand...

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:18 | 4190464 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Just say no thanks to kamikaze soccer events.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:24 | 4190479 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

They are thinking of inviting china and korea for the first game.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:24 | 4190480 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Come to the Japanese 2020 Olympics, not only will you get laid, you'll also get rayed.....

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:23 | 4190482 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

Jesus Christ! Why not just have the fucking event in Chernobyl! 

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:26 | 4190490 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

Na..radiations not strong enough

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:27 | 4190492 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Daily Onion?

When absurdity has a power number after it, it's gotta be true.

I think we can now consider this statement axiomatic.

This may be the historical watershed moment where we have officially entered DC Comics Bizarro World.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:28 | 4190500 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

It's easy to decontaminate the facility.  Just walk around the facility at night and remove everything that glows in the dark.


Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:47 | 4190548 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Fine if you like to fight mutants.  They mostly come at night...mostly.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:28 | 4190503 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

I know I know.... We can also build a new home for the FED there.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:31 | 4190511 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

At least it won't need electricity since everything will glow.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:32 | 4190513 cooperbry
cooperbry's picture


Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:33 | 4190518 fuu
fuu's picture

All those extra lungs breathing in the dust will help decom the area quicker too.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:36 | 4190521 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Don't worry, the yellow card will contain the trefoil, they will take care of everything, all will be safe.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:37 | 4190526 illyia
illyia's picture

Quick, get your tickets! They're going fast!

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:38 | 4190528 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

New Olympic event: Untangling and Removing Spent Fuel Rods - winner gets a Lead Medal...

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:53 | 4190558 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

And a matching lead casket...

And I thought this country was fucked up...Japan is taking the lead, er lead, er, whatever.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:39 | 4190676 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

And will the USofA team win the plutonium trophy?

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:42 | 4190536 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

Oh come on! Who here actually believes the olympics will be held in Japan in 2020? Japan will likely be an uninhabitated nuclear wasteland well before that date. Japan will have to buy some real estate from another country to re-establish their nation elsewhere long before that, if they can find any willing sellers. Or, they will all be dead. Actually, by 2020, the entire planet may be devoid of human life, which would be the best result for all the other life forms.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 16:04 | 4191560 pashley1411
pashley1411's picture

Of course there will be games in Japan.   They'll call it "Fallout IV".

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 11:46 | 4190541 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

I find it hard to believe that any athelete woudld actually show up to these Olympic games, much less a spectator.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:10 | 4190579 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

japan was rothschild captured long ago.

you see they have money the people that is.

trillions in savings hidden and not hidden.

the guvmint maybe bankrupt but the old folks have plenty.

only way is kill them and take it return it to the state.

a war in asia is needed you see cancer even in fuckishima is slow.

rape and pillage folks is all these governments know.

families just like tony soprano not local but global racket.


die you fuckers godamit lord jacob and edwyne need your fucking cash.

eat your strontium breath your depleted uranium.

give them your kids.

the kids are needed for energy fuel.

saturn and cern negative neutrino the devils ride out and in.


where do all the missing kids go?

nobody wants to know or cares.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:19 | 4190608 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

long life

half life

short life



I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million becquerels on my cells. I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:26 | 4190625 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

Great what about winter olympics in tchernobyl ? must be healthy now !

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 16:42 | 4191707 Loose Caboose
Loose Caboose's picture

Little problem - the snow keeps melting.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:43 | 4190694 Manipulism
Manipulism's picture

Japanese soccerplayers with 3 legs.


Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:51 | 4190731 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

It is much easier to save face after it falls off

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:52 | 4190739 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

I think they are seeing just how much they can cram down people's throats before they get a reaction. So far, not even the gag reflex is kicking in. We are pathetic

I get more worked up in rush hour than most people do in regards to what the PTB are doing to us

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:53 | 4190744 Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

Its just soccer.  Who cares?


[Yes, I am an American culture pig....]

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:55 | 4190751 monad
monad's picture

The olympics is a bad joke. Add to it this face saving covert international decontamination handout. Just nuke Fukashima. It will stop leaking and this will be over. Cost: same as one more small atmospheric nuclear test. 

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 14:45 | 4191211 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

You don't really believe this, do you?

Just nuke Fukashima. It will stop leaking and this will be over. Cost: same as one more small atmospheric nuclear test.

Yes, it will stop leaking, and yes, this will be over.

Ever stop to wonder why the leaking is a concern? Ever wonder why burning radioactive debris from the tsunami is a bad thing?

If Fukushima Daiichi were nuked, the radioactive contaminants wouldn't magically disappear. All of the spent fuel and all of the contaminated matter would still be with us, except in the form of dust launched high into the atmosphere, circling the globe and bathing the planet with its goodness.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 15:54 | 4191509 monad
monad's picture

I can't imagine responsible engineers allowing this to go on as long as it has. This is a blank check for politicians. Even after its cleaned up they will lie and milk it for a thousand years. Its already done. The worst case scenario happened. Elvis has left the building. All that can be done now is minimize the extent of the damage. In response to all the alarmist idiots enabling the political fraud with their end of world wailing, vaporizing is the real cap worst case scenario. Or, it can just fester for a few thousand years, circulating lethal concentrations.

Concentration is the immediate problem. it would be best to feed all the waste into thorium reactors, or shoot it into the sun, but the same dipshit politicians milking this for all its worth block these options. Not that it can't be done, but its not allowed. Instead they want to hide their fuckup like cats: bury the shit. I'm the bad guy? How did that happen?

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 16:53 | 4191730 Loose Caboose
Loose Caboose's picture

This is correct.  This is why the area should be imploded by devices placed underground and undersea to have the whole mess drop and cover itself before the dust rises.  Not sure if it is geologically possible given sea level and all the other factors that I have no knowledge of - needs some experts to see if it is doable.  And then do it while damage-control is still an option.  It might be beyond that point now anyway where making it go away will mitigate damage.  We may be "cooked" already - slow cooked.  I don't understand the level of denial required to continue to live in Fukushima. 

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 12:58 | 4190767 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

This means they have 7 years to import 7 football stadium's worth of concrete to cover Fukushima Daiichi.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 13:07 | 4190813 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture


I represent the International Olympic organization.

I regret to inform all of you that the word "Olympic" and all of its derivatives is copyrighted, protected, "mine, mine, mine," etc. As such, your use hereof in comments represents a violation of our protections. Please mail us a check for $1,000 per use or edit your comments to remove the violating use.

Thank you,

Another Lawyerstein

And don't forget to tune in to watch the 2016 Olympics in Rio. We've added, "Cops Beating the Poor," as an event for the first time in 2016. Could be the most exciting and exuberant Olympics yet.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 13:16 | 4190849 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

This will set records for not only the least watched or attended Olympics, but also the least participated in.

Expect a last minute cancellation with events to be held never.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 13:35 | 4190929 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

Now they can have night games.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 13:42 | 4190958 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Wait, WAIT!
Not the Onion?
Ruh roh.

I just can't tell anymore!

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 13:54 | 4191004 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture


Tue, 11/26/2013 - 14:15 | 4191083 TNTARG
TNTARG's picture

I'm convinced no games are gonna be played in Japan in 2020. Things seems to be deteriorating fast.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 14:32 | 4191141 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Sucker facility.

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 15:06 | 4191277 saltedGold
saltedGold's picture

I'll take radiation exposure over those damn vuvuzelas...

Tue, 11/26/2013 - 16:01 | 4191551 pashley1411
pashley1411's picture

Cool, glowing ball, no lights needed!

I can't wait for the first player to fall to the grass, and get eaten by the mutant grass.   The question is, do you remove the skeleton, or is the bleached skeleton of the player still on the side?   Hmmm

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