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Tuesday Humor: The United States According To Google "Autocomplete"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

As an experiment, Bloomberg Businessweek typed the names of the 50 states into Google to see what people most frequently ask about them. The questions range from dumb (well, mostly dumb) to revealing, both about the states and about the people doing the searching. Lots of questions about carrying a gun, buying alcohol, getting divorced, and fighting union organizers. Whether a state is in the Midwest or South seems to be a particular obsession. But the most common question about the states is even more basic: Is it a state? or Is it racist?

 

 

Via Bloomberg Businessweek,

Alabama:
Is Alabama racist?
Is Alabama playing today? [The university is better known than the state.]
Is Alabama a good school?
Is Alabama a community property state?

Alaska:
Is Alaska a state?
Is Alaska an island? [No.]
Is Alaska a good place to live?
Is Alaska connected to Canada? [Yes.]

Arizona:
Is Arizona bad for you?
Is Arizona iced tea gluten free?
Is Arizona a good place to live?
Is Arizona iced tea healthy?

Arkansas:
Is Arkansas a state?
Is Arkansas a southern state?
Is Arkansas an open carry state? [Gun owners want to know.]
Is Arkansas a dry state?

California
Is California a city? [Umm … no.]
Is California a good place to live?
Is California a right to work state?
Is California an at will state?

Colorado
Is Colorado cold?
Is Colorado a community property state?
Is Colorado red or blue?
Is Colorado in the Midwest? [Not when we last checked.]

Connecticut
Is Connecticut a state?
Is Connecticut a good place to live?
Is Connecticut an open carry state?
Is Connecticut a no fault state?

Delaware
Is Delaware a state?
Is Delaware a good place to live?
Is Delaware a commonwealth?
Is Delaware a party school?

Florida
Is Florida a good place to live?
Is Florida sinking? [No. Not all of it, anyway.]
Is Florida a community property state?
Is Florida a country?

Georgia
Is Georgia a country? [Actually, yes.]
Is Georgia a good place to live?
Is Georgia a community property state?
Is Georgia a right to work state?

Hawaii
Is Hawaii a state?
Is Hawaii expensive?
Is Hawaii humid?
Is Hawaiian a language?

Idaho
Is Idaho a community property state?
Is Idaho a racist state?
Is Idaho a state?
Is Idaho racist? [Idaho, you seem to have an image problem.]

Illinois
Is Illinois a community property state?
Is Illinois in the Midwest?
Is Illinois in Chicago? [Only part of Illinois is in Chicago.]
Is Illinois a no fault state?

Indiana
Is Indiana a state?
Is Indiana in the Midwest?
Is Indianapolis Central Time?
Is Indiana on Eastern Time?

Iowa
Is Iowa a right to work state?
Is Iowa a good place to live?
Is Iowa a red state?
Is Iowa a state?

Kansas
Is Kansas a state?
Is Kansas City in Missouri?
Is Kansas City in Kansas?
Is Kansas City in two states? [Bingo.]

Kentucky
Is Kentucky a good place to live?
Is Kentucky a state?
Is Kentucky in the South?
Is Kentucky southern?

Louisiana
Is Louisiana a state?
Is Louisiana a community property state? [Good to find out before you divorce.]
Is Louisiana a right to work state?
Is Louisiana a good state to live in?

Maine
Is Maine a state?
Is Maine a Republican state?
Is Maine a cheap place to live?
Is Maine part of New England?

Maryland
Is Maryland a state?
Is Maryland a southern state?
Is Maryland in the South?
Is Maryland a middle colony? [Sounds like a homework question.]

Massachusetts
Is Massachusetts a state?
Is Massachusetts health care working? [Finally a smart question.]
Is Massachusetts in Boston? [Less smart.]

Is Massachusetts a right to work state?

Michigan
Is Michigan a state?
Is Michigan rolling admission? [The university, presumably, not the border crossings.]
Is Michigan in the Midwest?
Is Michigan a right to work state?

Minnesota
Is Minnesota a state? [YES. Stop asking!]
Is Minnesota a right to work state?
Is Minnesota cold?
Is MinnesotaBurns in Optic? [Screen name of Internet troll. Don’t ask.]

Mississippi
Is Mississippi a state?
Is Mississippi State a good school?
Is Mississippi a community property state?
Is Mississippi an open carry state?

Missouri
Is Missouri a good place to live?
Is Missouri a right to work state? [Non-union employers want to know.]
Is Missouri in the South?
Is Missouri a community property state?

Montana
Is Montana a state?
Is Montana a good place to live?
Is Montana a right to work state?
Is Montana a good state to live in?

Nebraska
Is Nebraska football on TV? [Go, Huskers!]
Is Nebraska cold?
Is Nebraska a red state?
Is Nebraska a state?

Nevada
Is Nevada exempt from Obamacare?
Is Nevada a state?
Is Nevada a community property state?
Is Nevada a good place to live?

New Hampshire
Is New Hampshire a good state to retire to?
Is New Hampshire a dry state?
Is New Hampshire a red state?
Is New Hampshire the Granite State?

New Jersey
Is New Jersey a peninsula? [You must be thinking of Florida.]
Is New Jersey a state?
Is New Jersey a no fault state?
Is New Jersey a right to work state?

New Mexico
Is New Mexico a state?
Is New Mexico in Mexico? [Not anymore.]
Is New Mexico a community property state?
Is New Mexico in the U.S.A.?

New York
Is New York a state? [No. It’s a state of mind.]
Is New York Eastern Time?
Is New York a community property state?
Is New York a right to work state?

North Carolina
Is North Carolina a good place to live?
Is North Carolina a red state?
Is North Carolina a community property state?
Is North Carolina a dry state? [“Dry” as in, “Can I buy a drink there?”]

North Dakota
Is North Dakota cold?
Is North Dakota a nice place to live?
Is North Dakota real? [This turns out to be an actual issue.]
Is North Dakota State Division 1?

Ohio
Is Ohio in the Midwest?
Is Ohio a state?
Is Ohio Central Time?
Is Ohio a good place to live?

Oklahoma
Is Oklahoma in the Midwest?
Is Oklahoma a southern state? [People, not everything is South or Midwest.]
Is Oklahoma a state?
Is Oklahoma a right to work state?

Oregon
Is Oregon a state?
Is Oregon a right to work state?
Is Oregon bowl-eligible?
Is Oregon better than Alabama? [Our first argument starter.]

Pennsylvania
Is Pennsylvania a state?
Is Pennsylvania a good place to live?
Is Pennsylvania a right to work state?
Is Pennsylvania a commonwealth? [What? No one wants to know if it’s in Philadelphia?]

Rhode Island
Is Rhode Island an island?
Is Rhode Island a state?
Is Rhode Island an actual island? [This is what maps are for, folks.]
Is Rhode Island a middle colony?

South Carolina
Is South Carolina a community property state?
Is South Carolina a right to work state?
Is South Carolina racist?
Is South Carolina an open carry state?

South Dakota
Is South Dakota a state?
Is South Dakota a community property state?
Is South Dakota a good place to live?
Is South Dakota Mountain Time?

Tennessee
Is Tennessee a state?
Is Tennessee a right to work state?
Is Tennessee a dry state?
Is Tennessee a red state?

Texas
Is Texas a good place to live?
Is Texas a community property state?
Is Texas a state?
Is Texas an open carry state?

Utah
Is Utah a dry state?
Is Utah a red state?
Is Utah a state?
Is Utah Lake salty? [That would be Great Salt Lake. And yes.]

Vermont
Is Vermont a state?
Is Vermont racist?
Is Vermont a good place to retire?
Is Vermont a good state to live in?

Virginia
Is Virginia a good place to live?
Is Virginia a commonwealth?
Is Virginia creeper poisonous?
Is Virginia a good place to live? [Except for the Virginia creeper.]

Washington
Is Washington, D.C., a state?
Is Washington Heights safe?
Is Washington, D.C., a city?
Is Washington, D.C., in Maryland? [Ouch. The only state with no questions about the state.]

West Virginia
Is West Virginia a state?
Is West Virginia racist?
Is West Virginia University racist?
Is West Virginia University a good school?

Wisconsin
Is Wisconsin a state?
Is Wisconsin a right to work state?
Is Wisconsin in the Midwest?
Is Wisconsin a community property state?

Wyoming
Is Wyoming in the Midwest?
Is Wyoming cold?
Is Wyoming an open carry state?
Is Wyoming a state?

 

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Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:10 | 4212244 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Are there 57 states are in the United States?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:17 | 4212261 Enslavethechild...
EnslavethechildrenforBen's picture

Is it a communist state?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:20 | 4212270 remain calm
remain calm's picture

Hawaii: Was Satan really born there?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:25 | 4212284 knukles
knukles's picture

Kenya

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:30 | 4212303 remain calm
remain calm's picture

Birther. :)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:15 | 4212377 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

The State of Zero Hedge

Is Zero Hedge down?
Is Zero Hedge reliable?
Is Zero Hedge accurate?
Is Zero Hedge right?

Not that anyone on ZH is concerned with what others think. As Josh Brown once wrote, "If Zero Hedge didn’t exist by now, we’d have to invent it. "

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 06:04 | 4213098 Oracle 911
Oracle 911's picture

Prize the Zero Hedge.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 08:20 | 4213192 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

The name's Hedge.

Zero Hedge.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:21 | 4212432 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Kansas, His Mother was a "social scientist" with "red roots" born in Kansas, bitchers.  He's an expectional example of American progress.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:12 | 4212578 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

But in what direction?

Down the crapper or toward utopian non-enlightenment?

(Or does crapper == dystopian enlightenment?)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:47 | 4212654 GOLDTRADERRR
GOLDTRADERRR's picture

Harbanger

'expectional'?

Did you mean exceptional?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:50 | 4212668 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Freudian Typo.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 10:01 | 4213411 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

Typo.  Intended word: inspectional. 

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 02:12 | 4212892 buyingsterling
buyingsterling's picture

It doesn't matter where he was born, his dad wasn't a citizen, so everything Obama has done in office is legally dubious. But it will likely never be challenged as such because his opponents are worried about soiling their knickers. They don't understand that we're in the thrall of a bunch of shady people who'd like to see most of us dead.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 11:03 | 4213616 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

He's a citizen, unfortunately. His father is Frank Marxial Davis, Jr. and his mother Stanley was, um, not respectable.

That's the real reason you aren't allowed to see his real birth certificate.  Barry Senior left for Africa as soon as he figured out that Stanley was likely to bear him a bunch of other black guys' children.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 08:20 | 4213194 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Incubator.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:25 | 4212288 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

No. Kenya.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:08 | 4212406 Midas
Midas's picture

In which state do they speak Austrian?

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 08:23 | 4213198 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

"My deficit is bigger den dis budget."

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:28 | 4212459 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

Kenya is one of the 7 secret states.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 01:31 | 4212854 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Moosylvania has yet to receive statehood...

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:13 | 4212421 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

Probably, though as illigitimate son of Frank Marshall Davis..............

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:35 | 4212628 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Bath House Barry? 

 

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 08:22 | 4213199 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Speaking of idiot bastard children....

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:18 | 4212263 frankTHE COIN
frankTHE COIN's picture

Yes. Newark nj is really its own volatile State. Baltimore , parts of D.C etc.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:24 | 4212282 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Give it some time to cook bitches,  there's no excuse for ignorance in this Age.  Every bit of it becomes a small synapse in our global conscience.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:41 | 4212324 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Where are the other 7 states?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:49 | 4212341 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Some say it was a sleight of tongue referring to the 57 Islamic states.   But we know Barrry isn't sharp enough to do that on purpose.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 08:24 | 4213202 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

And how do they align to the seven deadly sins?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:54 | 4212678 GOLDTRADERRR
GOLDTRADERRR's picture

NoDebt

are dee are are

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:54 | 4212679 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

No, but there are 57 card-carrying Communists in the State Department!

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 11:07 | 4213626 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

I doubt it.  The people who work at State are too lazy to carry anything heavier than a "stand down" order.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 08:20 | 4213191 drstrangelove73
drstrangelove73's picture

That one was only searched once-Chicago address I believe

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:14 | 4212255 Notarocketscientist
Notarocketscientist's picture

Are most people stupid?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:17 | 4212257 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Yes.  Most willfully so.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:55 | 4212363 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

free shit army

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:20 | 4212268 knukles
knukles's picture

Yes

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:37 | 4212313 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Most people are very cunning when it comes to getting the shit they want.  What they are is naive.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:26 | 4212295 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Most ? no.. only 97 or 98%..

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:21 | 4212262 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

You are missing 7 states.

Funny that the tea is referenced more than the state of AZ. Yes California is a city....California City is near Edwards AFB. Not the end of the world, but I think you can see it from there.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:22 | 4212278 knukles
knukles's picture

"Is Arizona Iced Tea gluten free?"

Holy Jesus H Christ, we've just found the justification for a domestic Aktion T4 program.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:35 | 4212311 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Wait...you're right, Trayvon was mixing Arizona Tea, Skittles and cough syrup.

This calls for a flight of Reaper Unicorn drones piloted by someone who looks just like him, that way there's no racism involved in killing them!

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:07 | 4212403 knukles
knukles's picture

If I had a druggie he'd be as responsive as Trayvon

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:38 | 4212482 nmewn
nmewn's picture

President Redline should have just held a Blue Drank Summit...problem solved!...next!...lol.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:58 | 4212530 JohnnyBriefcase
JohnnyBriefcase's picture

Dude. It's purple drank. You wouldn't last long in "teen"ville or "youth"bury.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:57 | 4212532 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

If you like your drank, you can keep it.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 03:49 | 4212996 Cast Iron Skillet
Cast Iron Skillet's picture

fwiw, California is also a small town in italy, near Livorno.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:18 | 4212264 GeorgeHayduke
GeorgeHayduke's picture

I'm surprised to see that folks didn't search Colorado for legalized pot smoking. But then I'm guessing all the true potheads already know this.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:19 | 4212265 Singelguy
Singelguy's picture

Very scary!

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:21 | 4212269 OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

Yes Colorado is cold.  NO I wouldn't live anywhere else.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:20 | 4212271 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

Wow, thanks for the laughs cause that's hillarious.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:22 | 4212273 Uber Vandal
Uber Vandal's picture

JFC.

Idiocracy is a documentary.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:21 | 4212437 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:46 | 4212505 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Is New York a state?

No, it is a city.

Is New York a city?

No, it is a state. Since you accepted both answers as true without questioning why they're both true (and both false), you're now smart enough to go and live in California.

Now GTFO.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 00:07 | 4212700 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

And by the way...there is a California City, California.

Delightful place...http://www.topix.com/city/california-city-ca

 

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:21 | 4212275 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

Better Questions:

1. Do they have an income tax?

2. Are they currently governed by Democrats?

3. Have they been governed by Democrats longer than Detroit?

4. Did they vote for Obama?

5. What percentage get free stuff?

6. What percentage want more free stuff, including illegal aliens?

7. Are their unemployment and other free stuff benefits better than their neighbors?

8. Is Gay Pride day bigger than Columbus Day?

9. Can illegal aliens vote officially or unofficially?

Compare the answers to your own productivity and politics and move accordingly.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:31 | 4212306 OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

You could just as easily ask, did they vote for Dubya?  Do you still buy this left-right bullshit.  A neocon is a neoliberal by any other name.  FUCK REPUBLICANS and FUCK DEMOCRATS, right in the ear!!!

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:41 | 4212326 TimmyM
TimmyM's picture

Of course it is noteworthy that OK is the only state where Obama lost every county.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:00 | 4212374 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Damned Choctaw razzzists ;-)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:04 | 4212387 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

"OK is the only state where Obama lost every county"

And 90% of it's own citizenry cannot spell their own state....

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:37 | 4212631 TimmyM
TimmyM's picture

No-they have the song to remind them.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:20 | 4212595 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

It's not a bad state. I was just there paying war reparations in an Indian Casino. Maybe I will try and join a tribe.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:44 | 4212333 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Fuck the progressive communists. When you find a democrat let me know. I haven't seen one in a helluva long time.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:52 | 4212350 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

Since about 1968 when CPUSA disappeared........

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:27 | 4212424 notquantumdum
notquantumdum's picture

'Think I know what you mean.

I feel like my party of the modern-day Democrats left me abandoned, stranded on the highway, far to their right, about a decade or two ago [I am still a registered Dem voter for some unknown reason -- other than it giving me more opportunities to vote [in primaries] in my local area due to Dem dominance].

No law says you have to vote for the politicos in your own party -- just yet.

[Or, is that all just a function of aging and collection of what is hopefully not all just wisdom-less experience?]

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:22 | 4212599 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

I grew up in the South and the Democrat Party is vastly different from what they used to be. They actually used to be virutently anti-communist, states' rights and pro military. They just like labor laws and some protectionism. They are pretty much socialist-progressives, now. Even the reasonable moderates like Moynihan and Simons are dead and gone.

I think they will become Obamunists in the near future.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:23 | 4212439 OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

If you really think BONER AND BUSH are better than Odumbo and Nancy 'night of the living dead' Pelosi please gimme the red.  If you think maybe there's an option other than trying one or the other lemme know.  I voted for Gary Johnson, not for the last gasp of a dying people (aka Obomber or Mitt Magic Underwear Romney)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:18 | 4212592 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

Have a little fun and lighten up. I am a libertarian so half of each party loves or hates me. Having said that, I despise statists and that is mostly Democrats in the USA. They are the new Democratic Socialist Party while Repbublicans are more schizophrenic. You have Romney and Rand in the same party.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:49 | 4212347 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

Excellent questions. Some of the answers can be found on www.city-data.com.............

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:49 | 4212660 NeedtoSecede
NeedtoSecede's picture

A simpler approach may be to determine how much paperwork and/or gooberment ass kissing you have to do to buy a gun.  I haven't done a formal audit, but there seems to be a correlation between lack of gun rights and all the statist bullshit crushing us from all directions.  

Move to a state where it is still relatively easy to buy a gun, and there is a good chance some of your other freedoms may be reclaimed also.

Can anyone think of any obvious exceptions to my line of thinking?

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 01:26 | 4212848 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

+1. I moved from Connecticut for this very reason. Where I live now, the neighbor across the street teaches square dancing and the one down the way holds concealed carry classes.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:23 | 4212276 666
666's picture

Is New Jersey for real?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:23 | 4212281 knukles
knukles's picture

Unfortunately.
As is Snooki

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:39 | 4212318 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Alaska is an island dammit! I saw it on SNL and confirmed from my front porch by Googles!

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:12 | 4212414 knukles
knukles's picture

Still has the best damned good looking legs on an ex-governor.
And tits
And lips
And.....
Well, unless you want to include sitting congresspokers and there's Maxine Waters.

Who, BTW (Max) just said the other day that she didn't know what was in a bill she sponsored that had her name on it!
But then again, that doesn't surprise none, now, do it?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:30 | 4212461 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Sounds like ole Chris Dodd not knowing whats in a bill with his name on it...lol.

Then Maxine, the lovely, "efficacious" Maxine...

“Guess what this liberal would be all about?   This liberal would be about socializing … uh, umm.   … Would be about, basically, taking over, and the government running all of your companies.”

Thanks Maxine, lovely woman, they can't even build a website ;-)

 

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:03 | 4212548 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

If government ran the desert, in 5 years there would be a shortage of sand. - Uncle Milton....the short bald one.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:23 | 4212277 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"Is Illinois in Chicago? [Only part of Illinois is in Chicago.]"

lol...my Practical Statist Google search engine defines the state of Illinois as a vassal of Chicago. Just like the state of New York is a vassal of NYC ;-)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:24 | 4212280 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

Is Colorado going to break-up? [Hopefully.]

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:25 | 4212283 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Is I-da-ho?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:39 | 4212491 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

YUP.

Now, try to earn monies, and pay taxes for the priveledge.

 

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:03 | 4212553 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

So Gummint is mah pimp?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:24 | 4212285 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

Is Kansas pronounced, "Kin-Saw" By the locals? Never fucking understood the Arkansas pronunciation. 

Actual query I made into google scholar once: "Research papers relating to environmental factors that affect the propensity for violence and lowered intelligence in the United States". I thought someone would have done a paper on it by now. 

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:26 | 4212292 knukles
knukles's picture

Arck-cans-ass

 

If you can reconcile the disparity, you win a free tooth!

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:01 | 4212379 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Sorry, only wooden, as inflation has taken a hold.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:05 | 4212558 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Cans n Ass. Sounds like a good campaign slogan.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:44 | 4212332 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"Research papers relating to environmental factors that affect the propensity for violence and lowered intelligence in the United States".

You should have tried Manchester ;-)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:02 | 4212382 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

:). Ha! Manchester on a Saturday night especially,  although the driving factor is obvious: booze.  Some parts of my home town though, I definitely detect anthropological throwbacks. No offence to anthropologists.  :)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:16 | 4212425 nmewn
nmewn's picture

None taken by this amatuer anthropologist...lol.

I realize its great sport (there) to poke us in the eye (here), while disregarding the 2X4 in the eye...there.

Its all in good fun ;-)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:27 | 4212291 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

What is Article 3, Section 3?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:28 | 4212297 knukles
knukles's picture

Is Google a state?
No, it's a wholly owned subsidiary of the NSA

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:30 | 4212301 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Is Pennsylvania a commonwealth? [What? No one wants to know if it’s in Philadelphia?]

 

Philly  the sister shit hole of Detroit.


Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:57 | 4212369 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Hey...wait a minute!

Philly has excellent voting poll watchers and they supply their own uniforms!

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:31 | 4212304 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Can we get syolent green to the top of the google engine?

 

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:40 | 4212322 W74
W74's picture

One thing I noticed, particularly in regards to the strictly geography queries are that the results are in "border areas"  Note that North Dakota down through Kansas and Minn. down through Missouri are clearly in the mid west, and those in green are ambiguous. 

The same goes for the South as solidly southern states do not show up.  Only ambiguous ones do.  Funny things about Mid-West is that there are two.  One is the original, which is to say Ohio through Illinois (old mid west during the 1800s)  And the other term constitutes the great plains states sans Montana.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:00 | 4212543 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

I've been trying for years to get people to refer to those ambiguous green states as "The Great Lakes States" rather than the Midwest, but it seems that nobody actually cares.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:50 | 4212344 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

1.  Of course Oregon is better than Alabama. 

2.  What's the 51st State?  And why do they run the other 50 states?

Have I succeeded in starting an Argument?  5 minute or half hour?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:55 | 4212362 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Alabama "And why do they run the other 50 states?"

Let me help you....

Alabama, And why do they ruin the other 50 states?

 

there, done.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:07 | 4212397 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I have no idea what that means but...How bout them Noles!...ROTFL!!!

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:52 | 4212519 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

O U! O U! O U!

What was the name of that guru dude that started the commune over there?

The Rajneeshpuram post office had ZIP code 97741...

Would you like to buy a flower to help?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKl6YVubyv8

 

Well, Alabama seems to be somewhat more forceful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPCdwJAq3SA

 

All States are worthy, but all have become complacent, Captain.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:00 | 4212348 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    Google: Is it true the Tooth Fairy doesn't go to Mississippi or Alabama?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:08 | 4212408 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Working overtime in Birmingham (England)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:38 | 4212487 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

I googled it. (sarc!)

Birmingham is not a 'state', it seems.

Is that anywhere near Fukushima? All those places get so mixed up to me...like Yemen, and Bengazi, and Tora Bora, and AlCiaduh...

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 07:17 | 4213131 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Irrelevant!

We're talking Google here, the search engine that gives you the answers it wants, not the answers you want ;-)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:33 | 4212474 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

GOOGLE:

FLOORIDASHUN...

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:57 | 4212354 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Leave it to Google to ram it down our throats just how stupid, as a country, we are.

Thanks Google.  We always need reminding.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:54 | 4212356 notquantumdum
notquantumdum's picture

I think I would have found this piece somewhat terrifying if I hadn't been laughing so hard.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:54 | 4212360 Davilis
Davilis's picture

Mostly school kids doing their  homework.  Shame on those teachers for asking stupid questions.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:36 | 4212441 knukles
knukles's picture

Right, because important questions like:

Have black people been systematically enslaved by whites for over 100,000,000 years? Y or N (pick one only)
Why are lesbians and gays better citizens than white Anglo-Saxon Protestant males?  Discuss in 3 words or less.
Why was Trayvon shot 344 times when he was surrendering, waving a white flag by an angry white male with an illegal full auto black machine gun AR-15?  Answer in 140 characters.
What is more valuable at Uncle Amos' Pawn Shop.  An Android or iPhone?
If Leroy has 3 bags of weed and trades them for one 8 ball, how many more tricks will his 7 year old sister turn before she gets out of the 5th grade?

So naturally for geographic diversity class where they learn where all the rich whities lives, theys gotta Googles one hell of a lotta shit, man.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 00:03 | 4212676 monad
monad's picture

 

I was intrigued to know more. I fed your important questions to DuckDuckHo and this is what it said:

Have black people been systematically enslaved by whites for over 100,000,000 years? Y or N (pick one only)

Y

 

Why are lesbians and gays better citizens than white Anglo-Saxon Protestant males?  Discuss in 3 words or less.

Leave Canada alone

 

Why was Trayvon shot 344 times when he was surrendering, waving a white flag by an angry white male with an illegal full auto black machine gun AR-15?

Hatred for Black People and I sicka hearing all dese niggas talkin bout startin a race war. We too badly outnumbered, they have all the arms anyway and we too disorganized and lazy. We are simply too comfortable to carry through on it.

 

What is more valuable at Uncle Amos' Pawn Shop.  An Android or iPhone?
[4 stars] FREE - $0.99

 Save time and money every day with Shopper the Grocery Shopping List! Shopper makes all shopping easy and quick, suggests great recipes, and helps you budget with grocery coupons and store flyers.

 IOS-FREE  IOS-$0.99

more at Quixey

 

If Leroy has 3 bags of weed and trades them for one 8 ball, how many more tricks will his 7 year old sister turn before she gets out of the 5th grade?

300, and she'll be 14 when she completes 5th grade. Only one baby.

 

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 21:56 | 4212364 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Is Oklahoma a southern state?

If you live in Kansas it is, and the 5% of people in Nebraska who know where Oklahoma is think it is too.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:47 | 4212510 W74
W74's picture

Americans are woefully ignorant of Geography.

Speaking of Oklahoma: what is the only county in the country which borders counties in 5 different states (4 others + it's own).  Of course I just gave it away by mentioning Oklahoma, and even if you don't know the name you should know where it is.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:50 | 4212667 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

...because they don't have maps.

 

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 09:12 | 4213290 earnulf
earnulf's picture

Oc course the only possible answer is one of the counties in the panhandle, since it would contact properties in Texas, New Mexico, Colorado and Kansas, plus, it borders it's neighbor in Okie.   (Passed Geo)

 

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:05 | 4212376 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Idaho
Is Idaho a community property state?
Is Idaho a racist state?
Is Idaho a state?
Is Idaho racist? [Idaho, you seem to have an image problem.]

 

No problem here!

Is Idaho a state? I LOVE that one...

ANSWER:

NO, Idaho is not a state. It doesn't exist. The winters are too cold, and the summers are too hot. The standard of living is too low, and we (oops, THEY) don't even have the 'internets'. There are no jobs here (oops again, I mean, THERE). Forget all about the mythical 'Idaho', and stop surfing the internet asking stupid questions. Pull your pants back up, and google 'twerking', and forget about Idaho. We (SHIT! THEY!) are not real. If they were, they seem to have an 'image problem' anyway, and you would not wish to be associated with any 'image problems', would you? WOULD YOU? There, see. all better now! Don't you have better things to do, like finding out how to surf porn sites without your wife finding out?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:11 | 4212409 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Idaho is a potato, everyone knows that!

Silly people.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:23 | 4212438 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Yay! Denise Austin!

http://wn.com/idaho_potato_commercial

NO, there are NO girls in Idaho that look like this. Idaho DOES, NOT, EX, IST (Except to grow potatoes by J.R. Simplot for McDonalds French Fries, Idaho isn't really here, or there, for that matter).

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:03 | 4212384 vegas
vegas's picture

Well, if your state didn't vote for President Gobbels, then obviously all you rednecks are fucking racist; I mean c'mon, it's sooooo obvious. Forget the fact he has ruined the economy for full-time employment, shoved Soviet style health care up your ass, and basically has broken every article in the Constitution at least 3 times. It's still Bush's fault you racist.

 

http://vegasxau.blogspot.com

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:04 | 4212386 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

What State am I in right now?  

 

asknsa.com

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:05 | 4212395 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

state of decay

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:10 | 4212410 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

I just moved out of Chicago to a farm in Illinois, but according to this, I still live in the State of Chicago.  Damn.  

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:18 | 4212427 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

condolences to you my friend, I also happen to be in the state of chicago/illinois, but fixin on movin asap

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:30 | 4212464 knukles
knukles's picture

I spent one year in grad school and 11 years working there way back when it was one hell of a great town with Walter Peyton playing for dahbeairz when hizzonor da Mayah Daley was in charge.  And the fuckin' city run den...
Used to go to the third floor at the Italian Village for a beef fuck with Vinnie.
Vinnie was the bartender.
He'd only serve his best clients at the bar.
Anybody remember that?  The beef fuck?  A steak that musta weighed 5 pounds?
You'd grab a table cloth to use as a napkin?
And Mable, when you could get her to pop her teeth out?
Oh, them were the days....

Gone to shit since then

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:14 | 4212418 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

I was in a medicated State, but moved to the State of confusion.

Soon, I was in a State of panic, knowing that my State of mind would let me do stupid things, but I moved over to a State of silent lucidity, aware that all States are getting fucked over rapidly.

Some of the questions...

What State has the best cocksuckers? (Tie between California and New York. D.C. isn't a State, and Nevada only has cocksuckers for profit, and that ain't much fun, is it?)

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:05 | 4212388 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Hmmm...let's see:

 

  1. Open carry state?
  2. Medicare option?
  3. Is it warm?
  4. Non-right to work state?
  5. Winn-Dixie?
  6. Bass?
  7. Trout?
  8. Rifle rack?
  9. High female/male ratio?
  10. Large bodies of water?
Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:25 | 4212606 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

11, Good indoor shooting ranges?

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 08:33 | 4213218 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

12. Good 1000 yard ranges?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:05 | 4212389 Frozen
Frozen's picture

"Is new jersey a volcano"

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:33 | 4212467 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

When going through puberty, some youths notice that they get pimples.

Sometimes they see these rise out of their skin, and it is most disconcerting to the masses.

I never suffered this malady personally (I understand that this was mostly due to the vaccinations for Chickenpox).

Anyway, these pimples itch, and my friends have told me that it looked like a mini-volcano when they would squeeze their skin around the deformation (that itched badly). The pimple would erupt in a flow of icky shit...

Is New Jersey a volcano, or merely a ZIT on the face of the United States?

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:40 | 4212490 knukles
knukles's picture

Now that is some pretty heavy shit, Monty.

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 22:04 | 4212390 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

Wait - they only listed 50 states - we have 57 per the choomer in chief. Gee, sux to be choomer - dumber even than dubya..........

Tue, 12/03/2013 - 23:09 | 4212569 atomicwasted
atomicwasted's picture

There actually is a California City in California.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 00:17 | 4212726 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

So they examined each state, including DC, but not the country as a whole..  There are also a few laughs to be found in surveying the auto-complete suggestions starting with 'Is the USA a [x]' and for [x] just start through the alphabet one letter at a time.  A small fraction of fun results include:

Is the USA a b...  bad country?

Is the USA a c...  corporation?

Is the USA a c...  country or a state?

Is the USA a d...  dangerous country?

Is the USA a d...  dictatorship?

Is the USA a f...  failed state?

Is the USA f... falling apart?

Is the USA a g... global hegemon?

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 00:29 | 4212757 OneTinSoldier66
OneTinSoldier66's picture

Is Ohio in the Mideast?

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 00:30 | 4212758 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

I am a little dissapointed here to say the least.  The number one inquiry made regarding Illinois should read "Is Obama a Fucking Idiot?"  I know that I have personally typed that into the search field thousands of times.

 

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 03:55 | 4212999 rucunus
rucunus's picture

for "is stupidity" I got "genetic" first

makes sense

second canned search is "a sin", though...

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 07:25 | 4213137 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

re: "Is Indianapolis Central Time?
Is Indiana on Eastern Time?"

 

Don't worry, we're(Indianians) not sure either.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 09:10 | 4213275 earnulf
earnulf's picture

Arkansas (pronouced Ar-KAN-saw) is a state, but it's a bifuricated state when it comes to alchohol.     Despite being the setting for Lil' Abner and the Kickapoo Joy Juice, the state is infuriatingly dry and wet dependent on the county.

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 10:00 | 4213404 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

"Is Alaska an island? [No.]
...
Is Alaska connected to Canada? [Yes.]"

Absolutely unbelievable. 

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 10:13 | 4213453 explosivo
explosivo's picture

Missouri breaks down like this: 

St. louis - East

Kansas City - West

South of Saint Louis - South

North of Saint Louis - North

Wed, 12/04/2013 - 11:36 | 4213706 dxj
dxj's picture

Utah Lake is not the Great Salt Lake ... and no, it's not salty.

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