Chinese State-Run Media Embarrasses Itself By Proclaiming "Unexpected Benefits Of Smog"

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

In case you weren’t aware, several of China’s major cities have experienced record-breaking, extremely dangerous levels of smog in recent days. For example, here is a shocking picture of Lianyungang, China:

Screen Shot 2013-12-11 at 11.44.18 AM
Photograph: Chinafotopress/Getty Images.

So how did China’s state-run media decide to respond to this environmental and public health disaster? With ridiculous propaganda about the “unexpected benefits” of smog of course. You have to see this to believe it.

From The Guardian:

China’s noxious air pollution has made people smarter, funnier and impervious to missile attacks, the country’s official media reported this week, as a toxic cloud covering half of the country began to lift.

 

On Monday the website of the state broadcaster CCTV published a list of five “unexpected benefits” brought by the smog.

 

It said the haze had unified Chinese people, as they found solidarity in their complaints; equalised them, as both rich and poor people were vulnerable to its effects; enlightened them, as they realised the cost of rapid growth; and “made Chinese people more humorous”, as smog-related jokes proliferated on the internet.

 

It had also helped to educate people, it said. “Our knowledge of meteorology, geography, physics, chemistry and history has progressed.”

As I have said many times before, The Onion is a short.

This year China has registered its highest pollution levels in 52 years, according to state media. More than 100 Chinese cities spanning half the country spent early December enveloped by smog. Both articles attracted such vitriol online that the media outlets quickly took them down. By Tuesday afternoon “benefits of smog” was a trending topic on China’s most popular microblog, Sina Weibo, racking up 240,000 posts.

Priceless.

Full article here.

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TruthInSunshine's picture

Heavily polluted, carcinogenic, asthma inducing air is like a little slice of chocolate cream pie that you can inhale.

ZerOhead's picture

Hmmmm.... Anything above 30 storeys seems to be largely unaffected by the smog. It probably makes it easier to piss on the little people below without gettting caught.

hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Smog is beneficial.

Radiation is healthy.

Debt is wealth.

War is peace.

Ignorance is strength.

 

I love Big Brother.

 

dick cheneys ghost's picture

'The point is, ladies and gentleman, that smog, for lack of a better word, is good. Smog is right, smog works. Smog clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Smog, in all of its forms; smog for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And smog, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much.'

Gordon Gekko

BKbroiler's picture

fuck em.  you get our jobs the smog comes with em.

akak's picture

Blobbing-up is its own reward ... and its own curse.

Orly's picture

Looks like next year is going to be loud for us mouth-pieces.

Happy Holidays, ak.

:)

Bananamerican's picture

"smarter, funnier and impervious to missile attacks"

 

Wait...Isn't that the U.S. army's slogan?

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Quiet professionals, noisy machinery.

Harlequin001's picture

and it's good for playing 'hide 'n seek'!

and stress relief, if you were going to be hit by a train or a truck, you wouldn't see it until the very last minute...

kralizec's picture

ChiCom's love the smell of smog in the morning...smells like...victory.

e-recep's picture

Correct. Does anyone still remember England's infamous fog?

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

When river pigs fly...

 

 

 

...the smog blocks your view of them.

akak's picture

The eternal nature of Chinese citizen smogism is clearly to make nature less than eternal, monolizing the pollutionary means while farming the weak breathing and extorting the poor asthmatic.

Rumorizing has it that Chinese characters for "emphysema" translate as "economic progress boot stomping face".

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

The new culture of the gregarious smog thrives under the auspices of bicameral communist/capitalist synchronism.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Chinese citizenism inability of self indiction leads to blame-placing outsourcery.

Tomorrow's progated Xinhuautistic story tells smog caused by monk immolation in Tibet.

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Smog caused by excess production of trendy Intelligent Fragrant Chicken! This will unmend the issue alas, alas.

Anusocracy's picture

How about a little common sense here?

China is the Land of Dragons and that includes Smaug.

monkeyboy's picture

We are so fucked when the Chinese eventually become our new planetary overlords, but I welcome then none the less....

Pooper Popper's picture

Bombs away

Ora noe

someone bigga shit ona me!

edotabin's picture

The highest pollution level in 52 years?  What caused more smog and pollution 52 years ago?

walküre's picture

If you think the People's Republic of China measured pollution 52 years ago, I have a bridge to sell to you.

mumcard's picture

It was probably similar to weather rock technology.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weather_rock

toady's picture

Post-war boom?

Radioactive half-life?

Rape of Nanking?

I don't know, you pick.

Freddie's picture

The New Jersey of Asia.

General Decline's picture

A guy I work with says China is the best country in the world because of the desperate chicks that are constantly hanging all over him the moment his American ass gets off the plane. I'll have to ask him if they taste like benzene.

ElvisDog's picture

They're hanging all over him, because they want to marry his American ass so they can get the hell out of China.

rustymason's picture

@wisehiney, thanks, I hadn't seen that. Birds of a feather, swine together. America is not just dead, it is rotten.

MontgomeryScott's picture

@wisehiney:

Nice try, diversionary tweaker. Your masters in Bejing, Haifa, WTF ever in Brussels (the Eurozone), and Alexandria (VA), are not amused at your lack of up-down votes.

 

AND, your comment has WHAT to do with the pollution in China?

Fucking PLANT TWEAKER...

 

 

 

SkottFree's picture

At least in the US we can point our fingers at Ozone as the problem not the toxic soup of pollution!

They neeed to bring down the Ozone levels!

robertsgt40's picture

I'm guessing astronomy has taken a hit in these cities.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

You can't make this shit up.

<Oh wait......you can.>

Orly's picture

"I simply changed the parameters of the test."

 

Orly's picture

Oh.

So you cheated?

666's picture

Spin doctors. They must have learned this method from American PR companies (or the US gubmint)..

LetThemEatRand's picture

Next up:  MSNBC posits that we need to increase smog in order to combat lack of humor; Fox says that more smog is better to combat missile attacks.  A vigorous debate among the two opposed spectrums of politicial debate occurs over whether more humor, or absence of missile attacks is the more important reason for more smog.  Bill O'Reilly notes that there is too much humor already.   Maddow proclaims that humor is more important than protection from missiles and the anti-missile crowd is misguided and too obsessed with humor.  Hannity sucks an eagle's cock and then comes out in favor of fewer missiles.  Olberman smirks and points out that humor is important too.  Much name calling ensues.   Voters line up to choose candidates who take one or the other side.

fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

LTER ZH has changed you. Welcome to my world friend.

mumcard's picture

We must close the missile deflection smog gap!

MontgomeryScott's picture

WAIT for it...

Ann Coulter decries that 'radiation is good for you', on whatever MSM craphole that they feed the U.S. 'constituents':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXFUUGeV1DI

 

Hannity sez: 'very, very GOOD!'

 

ForTheWorld's picture

I just watched that. I can't believe she actually said that.

BlankfeinDiamond's picture

Peel away that skin and blonde wig and you'll find a cockroach, the only thing that will survive a nuclear disaster.