"Despicable Human Scum" Uncle Of Kim Jong-Un Executed For "Attempting To Overthrow The State"

Tyler Durden's picture

The good news: there are always greater banana republics out there, somewhere, if one only looks hard enough.

With some epic, if purely unwarranted, humor here is KCNA's account:

Pyongyang, December 13 (KCNA) -- Upon hearing the report on the enlarged meeting of the Political Bureau of the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea, the service personnel and people throughout the country broke into angry shouts that a stern judgment of the revolution should be meted out to the anti-party, counter-revolutionary factional elements. Against the backdrop of these shouts rocking the country, a special military tribunal of the DPRK Ministry of State Security was held on December 12 against traitor for all ages Jang Song Thaek.


The accused Jang brought together undesirable forces and formed a faction as the boss of a modern day factional group for a long time and thus committed such hideous crime as attempting to overthrow the state by all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods with a wild ambition to grab the supreme power of our party and state.


The tribunal examined Jang's crimes.


All the crimes committed by the accused were proved in the course of hearing and were admitted by him.


A decision of the special military tribunal of the Ministry of State Security of the DPRK was read out at the trial.


Every sentence of the decision served as sledge-hammer blow brought down by our angry service personnel and people on the head of Jang, an anti-party, counter-revolutionary factional element and despicable political careerist and trickster.


The accused is a traitor to the nation for all ages who perpetrated anti-party, counter-revolutionary factional acts in a bid to overthrow the leadership of our party and state and the socialist system.


Jang was appointed to responsible posts of the party and state thanks to the deep political trust of President Kim Il Sung and leader Kim Jong Il and received benevolence from them more than any others from long ago.


He held higher posts than before and received deeper trust from supreme leader Kim Jong Un, in particular.


The political trust and benevolence shown by the peerlessly great men of Mt. Paektu were something he hardly deserved.


It is an elementary obligation of a human being to repay trust with sense of obligation and benevolence with loyalty.


However, despicable human scum Jang, who was worse than a dog, perpetrated thrice-cursed acts of treachery in betrayal of such profound trust and warmest paternal love shown by the party and the leader for him.


From long ago, Jang had a dirty political ambition. He dared not raise his head when Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il were alive. But, reading their faces, Jang had an axe to grind and involved himself in double-dealing. He began revealing his true colors, thinking that it was just the time for him to realize his wild ambition in the period of historic turn when the generation of the revolution was replaced.


Jang committed such an unpardonable thrice-cursed treason as overtly and covertly standing in the way of settling the issue of succession to the leadership with an axe to grind when a very important issue was under discussion to hold respected Kim Jong Un in high esteem as the only successor to Kim Jong Il in reflection of the unanimous desire and will of the entire party and army and all people.


When his cunning move proved futile and the decision that Kim Jong Un was elected vice-chairman of the Central Military Commission of the Workers' Party of Korea at the Third Conference of the WPK in reflection of the unanimous will of all party members, service personnel and people was proclaimed, making all participants break into enthusiastic cheers that shook the conference hall, he behaved so arrogantly and insolently as unwillingly standing up from his seat and half-heartedly clapping, touching off towering resentment of our service personnel and people.


Jang confessed that he behaved so at that time as a knee-jerk reaction as he thought that if Kim Jong Un's base and system for leading the army were consolidated, this would lay a stumbling block in the way of grabbing the power of the party and state.


When Kim Jong Il passed away so suddenly and untimely to our sorrow, he began working in real earnest to realize its long-cherished greed for power.


Abusing the honor of often accompanying Kim Jong Un during his field guidance, Jang tried hard to create illusion about him by projecting himself internally and externally as a special being on a par with the headquarters of the revolution.


In a bid to rally a group of reactionaries to be used by him for toppling the leadership of the party and state, he let the undesirable and alien elements including those who had been dismissed and relieved of their posts after being severely punished for disobeying the instructions of Kim Jong Il and kowtowing to him work in a department of the Central Committee of the WPK and organs under it in a crafty manner.


Jang did serious harm to the youth movement in our country, being part of the group of renegades and traitors in the field of youth work bribed by enemies. Even after they were disclosed and purged by the resolute measure of the party, he patronized those cat's paws and let them hold important posts of the party and state

Bottom line: if you don't like your uncle, you can execute your uncle.

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Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

As an Uncle with a Little Napolean nephew, I feel his pain.

But not much...

Looney's picture

Just wondering... When OUR thieves are going to be executed?


unrulian's picture

should have started with Rodman

knukles's picture

Poor bastard

what ye shall sow ye shall reap

Should escaped in the '60s and enjoyed the good old days
For you older guys, well, we remember the days before what we sewed we're now reaping, simplicity, honor, civility....



What have we done?

ZerOhead's picture

I was wondering how you go about un-executing someone... then I figured it out

Charles Wilson's picture

"Mistakes were made...What difference does it make?"

Leopold B. Scotch's picture

Reads like an official explanation for Obamacare's failures and how great it's suddenly working.

NoDebt's picture

Didn't he just have his ex-girlfriend put to death a few months ago?

I believe I have identified a pattern.

NoDebt's picture

Double-dipping tonight.  How about this one:

"Only Rodman could go to North Korea."

CH1's picture

Judging by the words of his insane killers, I'll guess that the man was a hero of one sort or another.

nmewn's picture

Shooting your uncle does seem a little extreme ;-)

fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

My uncle's are dicks shoot away.

mumcard's picture

You'd think someone would start with an asswhipping, or maybe even stabbing him.  He went straight to 11.

RafterManFMJ's picture

Judging from the length of the article it's a mercy they shot him instead of talking him to death.

sgorem's picture

@ mnewn.....unless his name is SAM...:)

nmewn's picture


Its really Orwellian/propaganda speak isn't it?

Lets see if anyone can tell the difference in dictatorial regimes...

"Today, as part of our efforts to smooth the transition to the marketplaces for those seeking coverage that begins in January, we are taking steps to ensure that Americans enrolled in the federal PCIP insurance plan will not face a lapse when the new year begins," Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services spokesman Aaron Albright said in an email. "We are committed to providing consumers additional flexibilities while they evaluate and select a quality, affordable health plan that meets their needs."

The reason people are seeking coverage is because of what government did to them in the first place. The lapse in coverage was caused by them and their law. The flexibility "offered" is because of the mandates & dictates of government. The "new plan" is LESS affordable.

Not much difference.

Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

The gap will be filled by the entity that starts single payer. "We're standing in for those who enrolled,,,,,"

shovelhead's picture


I was thinking the same thing while reading Great Leaders somewhat purple tinged harangue.

Obama runs more to a nondescript obscuring beige-y hue.

Fiat Envy's picture

He was a reformer and quite popular so he had to go.

DavidPierre's picture

A BC tune ... for BC folks

Summer Wages


Famous Blue Raincoat



L. Cohen

Joebloinvestor's picture

I want to see his face when they don't let him leave.

JoeStocks's picture

Rodman will replace Jang...watch

Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

One d-bag executing his d-bag uncle. Dog eat dog. Can we expect more?

ElvisDog's picture

I think we all know what happened - Kim Jong-Un and the uncle fought over who was going to get Kim Jong-Il's porn collection when he passed away.

Boris Alatovkrap's picture

... or maybe uncle is catch wearing Kim Jong-Il high heel boot and is elevate above junior tyrant bastard who is special place in hell next to Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot?

FreedomGuy's picture

Someone call Michael Moore and tell him there's an opening he might like. I hear they have excellent free healthcare and income equality.

wee-weed up's picture



Yep, and it would be a great opportunity for fat-assed Moore to loose some weight...

All the grass and tree bark he can eat!

Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

I'd like for whoever writes this state-drivel for Kim Jong Il - he writes with great flair, with lines like 'worse than a dog' 'thrice-cursed'  'despicable political careerist and trickster' and 'all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods' - to accept a demotion and start writing Obama's presently droll propaganda.  That way, as Obama sucks us all further into into the shitter during the final 3/8 of the prison term, we can have more laughs...

akak's picture

I guess now we know why AnAnonymous has not been posting lately.

BigJim's picture

Yes, I thought I'd seen that prose style somewhere before.

akak's picture

Alas, alas, thrice alas, can no longer bear with it.

RIP, US 'american' citizenism.

It was the mattering thing.

SloMoe's picture

Such colorful prose. Apparently, Baghdad Bob has re-surfaced in North Korea...

Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Obama gazes left with practiced twenty-degree upward chin tilt and 2.8 second pause, and begins "These mangy jackals in the House seek to rip my signature accomplishment to pieces like a....'

Obama gazes right with practiced twenty-degree upward chin tilt and 2.8 second pause, and continues "And those lowly, jaundiced, scrotum lapping dogs, the conservative-spawn-of-McCarthy state governors, are now slinking in from behind, seeking to annihilate my great gift to the people, free health care for ordinary folks, workers, and those ruined by Dubya..."


knukles's picture

Right before he was elected in round 1, unanimous decision by the judges in favor of the upstart, it was reported a number of places that he was studying FDR.
Not FDR's policies, speeches, etc.... but his mannerisms.
That's not the real him
That's him imitating FDR

Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Imitating FDR? Didn't FDR croak in office?

PacOps's picture

I have suddenly and spontaneously fallen to my knees ... WTF?

Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

During his 4th term. Smoke that in your pipe for a second, and see what you see.

lakecity55's picture

There is no real him. He was conjured out of a bowl of Jimson weed.

akak's picture

I wonder if they first roasted his uncle's belly?

Big Brother's picture

The prose was rather "padded"- littered with excess pleonasms. 

MarsInScorpio's picture

Actually, the main English language writer for the KCNA is also contracted by the AP as their correspondent in N. Korea . . . just in case you notice any style and substance similarities in future dispatches datelined from the N. Korean capital.


lakecity55's picture

"As Premier, I have ordered the arrest and execution of the running dog tea baggers whose counterrevolutionary actions have destabilized our financial recovery and tried to sow doubts about my Leadership among the People."

AGuy's picture

"Just wondering... When OUR thieves are going to be executed?"

Was the Uncle a loon, or was he working to overthown the dear leader and end oppression in North Korea? What ever the NK party says, you can pretty much gaurentee is a complete lie of actual events.


disabledvet's picture

First off "where's Dennis Rodman?" seriously though...my understanding of this guy was that this Uncle was no "regent" holding title while Junior got ready to take charge. His Uncle was in charge of the Generals...to protect his nephew from them I would imagine. That protection is now null and void. We'll see if tanks suddenly appear in Pyongyang to seal Little Leader's fate. "He's been executing a lot lately" (didn't he just execute his wife?) and that sounds to me like someone who sees enemies everywhere right now. that sounds an awful lot like "just because you think they're coming after you doesn't mean they aren't." If i were to hazard a guess (there is no way of knowing of course) the precipitating factor was the release of the aged American Special Forces guy...which would be hugely ironic in a way if it results in the overthrow of "Kim Jung Uno." In short "Mission Accomplished...60 years later." Americans have a saying..."shirt sleeve to shirt sleeve in 3 generations" and if Un is lost/a goner then you could wind up getting a "mad dash for re-unification." Certainly a "martial" occasion and as such market moving.

mumcard's picture

Not his wife, last I heard it was his wife's former co-workers/actors that started a rumor that she'd made porn videos.