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"Despicable Human Scum" Uncle Of Kim Jong-Un Executed For "Attempting To Overthrow The State"

Tyler Durden's picture


The good news: there are always greater banana republics out there, somewhere, if one only looks hard enough.

With some epic, if purely unwarranted, humor here is KCNA's account:

Pyongyang, December 13 (KCNA) -- Upon hearing the report on the enlarged meeting of the Political Bureau of the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea, the service personnel and people throughout the country broke into angry shouts that a stern judgment of the revolution should be meted out to the anti-party, counter-revolutionary factional elements. Against the backdrop of these shouts rocking the country, a special military tribunal of the DPRK Ministry of State Security was held on December 12 against traitor for all ages Jang Song Thaek.


The accused Jang brought together undesirable forces and formed a faction as the boss of a modern day factional group for a long time and thus committed such hideous crime as attempting to overthrow the state by all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods with a wild ambition to grab the supreme power of our party and state.


The tribunal examined Jang's crimes.


All the crimes committed by the accused were proved in the course of hearing and were admitted by him.


A decision of the special military tribunal of the Ministry of State Security of the DPRK was read out at the trial.


Every sentence of the decision served as sledge-hammer blow brought down by our angry service personnel and people on the head of Jang, an anti-party, counter-revolutionary factional element and despicable political careerist and trickster.


The accused is a traitor to the nation for all ages who perpetrated anti-party, counter-revolutionary factional acts in a bid to overthrow the leadership of our party and state and the socialist system.


Jang was appointed to responsible posts of the party and state thanks to the deep political trust of President Kim Il Sung and leader Kim Jong Il and received benevolence from them more than any others from long ago.


He held higher posts than before and received deeper trust from supreme leader Kim Jong Un, in particular.


The political trust and benevolence shown by the peerlessly great men of Mt. Paektu were something he hardly deserved.


It is an elementary obligation of a human being to repay trust with sense of obligation and benevolence with loyalty.


However, despicable human scum Jang, who was worse than a dog, perpetrated thrice-cursed acts of treachery in betrayal of such profound trust and warmest paternal love shown by the party and the leader for him.


From long ago, Jang had a dirty political ambition. He dared not raise his head when Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il were alive. But, reading their faces, Jang had an axe to grind and involved himself in double-dealing. He began revealing his true colors, thinking that it was just the time for him to realize his wild ambition in the period of historic turn when the generation of the revolution was replaced.


Jang committed such an unpardonable thrice-cursed treason as overtly and covertly standing in the way of settling the issue of succession to the leadership with an axe to grind when a very important issue was under discussion to hold respected Kim Jong Un in high esteem as the only successor to Kim Jong Il in reflection of the unanimous desire and will of the entire party and army and all people.


When his cunning move proved futile and the decision that Kim Jong Un was elected vice-chairman of the Central Military Commission of the Workers' Party of Korea at the Third Conference of the WPK in reflection of the unanimous will of all party members, service personnel and people was proclaimed, making all participants break into enthusiastic cheers that shook the conference hall, he behaved so arrogantly and insolently as unwillingly standing up from his seat and half-heartedly clapping, touching off towering resentment of our service personnel and people.


Jang confessed that he behaved so at that time as a knee-jerk reaction as he thought that if Kim Jong Un's base and system for leading the army were consolidated, this would lay a stumbling block in the way of grabbing the power of the party and state.


When Kim Jong Il passed away so suddenly and untimely to our sorrow, he began working in real earnest to realize its long-cherished greed for power.


Abusing the honor of often accompanying Kim Jong Un during his field guidance, Jang tried hard to create illusion about him by projecting himself internally and externally as a special being on a par with the headquarters of the revolution.


In a bid to rally a group of reactionaries to be used by him for toppling the leadership of the party and state, he let the undesirable and alien elements including those who had been dismissed and relieved of their posts after being severely punished for disobeying the instructions of Kim Jong Il and kowtowing to him work in a department of the Central Committee of the WPK and organs under it in a crafty manner.


Jang did serious harm to the youth movement in our country, being part of the group of renegades and traitors in the field of youth work bribed by enemies. Even after they were disclosed and purged by the resolute measure of the party, he patronized those cat's paws and let them hold important posts of the party and state

Bottom line: if you don't like your uncle, you can execute your uncle.


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Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:09 | 4241165 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

As an Uncle with a Little Napolean nephew, I feel his pain.

But not much...

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:17 | 4241214 Looney
Looney's picture

Just wondering... When OUR thieves are going to be executed?


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:18 | 4241221 unrulian
unrulian's picture

should have started with Rodman

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:24 | 4241256 knukles
knukles's picture

Poor bastard

what ye shall sow ye shall reap

Should escaped in the '60s and enjoyed the good old days
For you older guys, well, we remember the days before what we sewed we're now reaping, simplicity, honor, civility....


What have we done?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:40 | 4241317 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

I was wondering how you go about un-executing someone... then I figured it out

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:45 | 4241347 Charles Wilson
Charles Wilson's picture

"Mistakes were made...What difference does it make?"

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:07 | 4241435 Leopold B. Scotch
Leopold B. Scotch's picture

Reads like an official explanation for Obamacare's failures and how great it's suddenly working.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:40 | 4241544 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Didn't he just have his ex-girlfriend put to death a few months ago?

I believe I have identified a pattern.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:42 | 4241551 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Double-dipping tonight.  How about this one:

"Only Rodman could go to North Korea."

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:46 | 4241352 CH1
CH1's picture

Judging by the words of his insane killers, I'll guess that the man was a hero of one sort or another.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:10 | 4241452 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Shooting your uncle does seem a little extreme ;-)

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:29 | 4241519 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

My uncle's are dicks shoot away.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:51 | 4241585 mumcard
mumcard's picture

You'd think someone would start with an asswhipping, or maybe even stabbing him.  He went straight to 11.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:05 | 4241614 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Judging from the length of the article it's a mercy they shot him instead of talking him to death.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 21:01 | 4241741 sgorem
sgorem's picture

@ mnewn.....unless his name is SAM...:)

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 22:45 | 4242078 nmewn
nmewn's picture


Its really Orwellian/propaganda speak isn't it?

Lets see if anyone can tell the difference in dictatorial regimes...

"Today, as part of our efforts to smooth the transition to the marketplaces for those seeking coverage that begins in January, we are taking steps to ensure that Americans enrolled in the federal PCIP insurance plan will not face a lapse when the new year begins," Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services spokesman Aaron Albright said in an email. "We are committed to providing consumers additional flexibilities while they evaluate and select a quality, affordable health plan that meets their needs."

The reason people are seeking coverage is because of what government did to them in the first place. The lapse in coverage was caused by them and their law. The flexibility "offered" is because of the mandates & dictates of government. The "new plan" is LESS affordable.

Not much difference.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 01:22 | 4242517 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

The gap will be filled by the entity that starts single payer. "We're standing in for those who enrolled,,,,,"

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 08:49 | 4242940 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture


I was thinking the same thing while reading Great Leaders somewhat purple tinged harangue.

Obama runs more to a nondescript obscuring beige-y hue.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 04:21 | 4242695 Fiat Envy
Fiat Envy's picture

He was a reformer and quite popular so he had to go.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 23:45 | 4242173 DavidPierre
DavidPierre's picture

A BC tune ... for BC folks

Summer Wages

Famous Blue Raincoat


L. Cohen

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:34 | 4241298 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

I want to see his face when they don't let him leave.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:07 | 4241616 JoeStocks
JoeStocks's picture

Rodman will replace

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:18 | 4241224 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

One d-bag executing his d-bag uncle. Dog eat dog. Can we expect more?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:33 | 4241289 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

Kim Jong Un eat dog everyday.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:21 | 4241497 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Wooby Doo!

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 01:21 | 4242518 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Time to wok the dog.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:02 | 4241425 ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

I think we all know what happened - Kim Jong-Un and the uncle fought over who was going to get Kim Jong-Il's porn collection when he passed away.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:22 | 4241493 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

... or maybe uncle is catch wearing Kim Jong-Il high heel boot and is elevate above junior tyrant bastard who is special place in hell next to Stalin, Mao, and Pol Pot?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:07 | 4241615 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

Someone call Michael Moore and tell him there's an opening he might like. I hear they have excellent free healthcare and income equality.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 21:47 | 4241888 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture



Yep, and it would be a great opportunity for fat-assed Moore to loose some weight...

All the grass and tree bark he can eat!

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 02:22 | 4242609 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

All organic!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:25 | 4241241 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

I'd like for whoever writes this state-drivel for Kim Jong Il - he writes with great flair, with lines like 'worse than a dog' 'thrice-cursed'  'despicable political careerist and trickster' and 'all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods' - to accept a demotion and start writing Obama's presently droll propaganda.  That way, as Obama sucks us all further into into the shitter during the final 3/8 of the prison term, we can have more laughs...

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:29 | 4241275 akak
akak's picture

I guess now we know why AnAnonymous has not been posting lately.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:41 | 4241327 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Yes, I thought I'd seen that prose style somewhere before.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:54 | 4241385 akak
akak's picture

Alas, alas, thrice alas, can no longer bear with it.

RIP, US 'american' citizenism.

It was the mattering thing.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:33 | 4241286 SloMoe
SloMoe's picture

Such colorful prose. Apparently, Baghdad Bob has re-surfaced in North Korea...

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:42 | 4241294 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Obama gazes left with practiced twenty-degree upward chin tilt and 2.8 second pause, and begins "These mangy jackals in the House seek to rip my signature accomplishment to pieces like a....'

Obama gazes right with practiced twenty-degree upward chin tilt and 2.8 second pause, and continues "And those lowly, jaundiced, scrotum lapping dogs, the conservative-spawn-of-McCarthy state governors, are now slinking in from behind, seeking to annihilate my great gift to the people, free health care for ordinary folks, workers, and those ruined by Dubya..."


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:46 | 4241354 knukles
knukles's picture

Right before he was elected in round 1, unanimous decision by the judges in favor of the upstart, it was reported a number of places that he was studying FDR.
Not FDR's policies, speeches, etc.... but his mannerisms.
That's not the real him
That's him imitating FDR

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:00 | 4241401 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Imitating FDR? Didn't FDR croak in office?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 21:10 | 4241763 PacOps
PacOps's picture

I have suddenly and spontaneously fallen to my knees ... WTF?

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 01:24 | 4242522 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

During his 4th term. Smoke that in your pipe for a second, and see what you see.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:25 | 4241510 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

There is no real him. He was conjured out of a bowl of Jimson weed.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:35 | 4241301 akak
akak's picture

I wonder if they first roasted his uncle's belly?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:04 | 4241430 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Human Haggis, Bitches!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:12 | 4241460 Big Brother
Big Brother's picture

The prose was rather "padded"- littered with excess pleonasms. 

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:51 | 4241374 MarsInScorpio
MarsInScorpio's picture

Actually, the main English language writer for the KCNA is also contracted by the AP as their correspondent in N. Korea . . . just in case you notice any style and substance similarities in future dispatches datelined from the N. Korean capital.


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:24 | 4241504 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

"As Premier, I have ordered the arrest and execution of the running dog tea baggers whose counterrevolutionary actions have destabilized our financial recovery and tried to sow doubts about my Leadership among the People."

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:28 | 4241517 AGuy
AGuy's picture

"Just wondering... When OUR thieves are going to be executed?"

Was the Uncle a loon, or was he working to overthown the dear leader and end oppression in North Korea? What ever the NK party says, you can pretty much gaurentee is a complete lie of actual events.


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:52 | 4241581 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

First off "where's Dennis Rodman?" seriously understanding of this guy was that this Uncle was no "regent" holding title while Junior got ready to take charge. His Uncle was in charge of the protect his nephew from them I would imagine. That protection is now null and void. We'll see if tanks suddenly appear in Pyongyang to seal Little Leader's fate. "He's been executing a lot lately" (didn't he just execute his wife?) and that sounds to me like someone who sees enemies everywhere right now. that sounds an awful lot like "just because you think they're coming after you doesn't mean they aren't." If i were to hazard a guess (there is no way of knowing of course) the precipitating factor was the release of the aged American Special Forces guy...which would be hugely ironic in a way if it results in the overthrow of "Kim Jung Uno." In short "Mission Accomplished...60 years later." Americans have a saying..."shirt sleeve to shirt sleeve in 3 generations" and if Un is lost/a goner then you could wind up getting a "mad dash for re-unification." Certainly a "martial" occasion and as such market moving.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:56 | 4241593 mumcard
mumcard's picture

Not his wife, last I heard it was his wife's former co-workers/actors that started a rumor that she'd made porn videos.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:28 | 4241268 Pooper Popper
Pooper Popper's picture

hey kim jong un,you know obama is your cousins uncle,dont you?

that would be unfortunate....                "SARCASAM"!!!!!!!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:04 | 4241426 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

I have to admit, I read that as UNexecuted at first glance.

"The party" brings great things back to life.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:42 | 4241324 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Yes, Kim Jong Un is likely a complete nut-case and Jang was trying to moderate his insanity - which enrages little Napoleon's.

Just when I think we're bad off with rabid people worshiping a figurehead I realize other people are worse off worshiping a megalomaniacal family line of nut-bags for generations.

At least we get to switch figureheads and pill color every now and then and 40% of us aren't starving to death.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:42 | 4241333 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Give it time, give it time.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:05 | 4241170 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Real life Lion King! 

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:25 | 4241263 pods
pods's picture

Gangnam style!


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:05 | 4241171 StacksOnStacks
StacksOnStacks's picture

When are people going to understand that the U.S. Government is just too strong?  What?  North Korea?  OH!  My bad.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:11 | 4241189 Debeachesand Je...
Debeachesand Jerseyshores's picture

Seems that Family relations were a bit strained to say the least.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:28 | 4241267 knukles
knukles's picture

He was warned to not get drunk and act out at the family Thansgiving table
Think he was from rural Alabama FFS

What a nice Orwellian Obituary.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:46 | 4241338 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Yes, it's straight outta 1984, isn't it?


I wonder if they have house-style manual? The Little Red Book of Condemnatory Phrasings.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:17 | 4241479 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"He was warned to not get drunk and act out at the family Thansgiving table."

Well, ya knooow, maybe he was listening to American news channels, took ObaMao's advice and brought up ObamaCare at Thanksgiving, just when they were passing the rotten cabbage around.

That would do it ;-)

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:11 | 4241194 MummyFunster
MummyFunster's picture

There is something darkly worrying about North Korea.  No story that emerges from that place is a surprise.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:29 | 4241199 Bennie Noakes
Bennie Noakes's picture

"He was a BAD man! He was a VERY BAD man! And he kept thinking BAD thoughts about me. So I wished him into the cornfield."

Gotta hand it to the Koreans. Their soap operas are first rate.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 22:43 | 4242067 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture



I was thinking the same thing 10 seconds before reading your post! Weird, huh?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:16 | 4241217 Tim Knight from...
Tim Knight from Slope of Hope's picture

He patronized those cat's paws? Off with his head!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:15 | 4241218 Rainman
Rainman's picture

This is first class mobster shit. Bet he wasn't kicking up to the Don. 

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:18 | 4241222 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

That'll learn ya to say Rodman was an overrated power forward. Hold on, there is a knock on the door....

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:21 | 4241234 sixsigma cygnus...
sixsigma cygnusatratus's picture

How uncivilized. Most sophisticated people have their despicable human scum relatives executed AFTER Christmas.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:30 | 4241237 meizu
meizu's picture

Meanwhile in China, rumour has it that security chief Zhou Yongkang is under house arrest for attempted coup against Xi Jinping.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:22 | 4241242 AreaMan
AreaMan's picture

He half heartedly clapped ... the gaul of that man is astonishing.


Just off the wire... Horace Grant has been tapped to replace the "human scum" with Steve Kerr and Bill Wennington also seen as strong contenders.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:31 | 4241276 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

In Gulag Archipelago, Solzhenitsyn discusses a community meeting in which everyone started clapping for Stalin.  After several minutes of continuous applause, a business man stopped clapping, and the applause slowed down.  He was immediately sent to the Gulag and/or killed. 

Things haven't changed a bit since Roman times.  Same shit, different time. 

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:50 | 4241582 YuShun
YuShun's picture

He doesn't seem French to me.  
You probably meant "gall".

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:58 | 4241594 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

And Larry Bird is about to announce his return to coaching.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:23 | 4241245 JonNadler
JonNadler's picture

he's an "un"person

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:48 | 4241364 JonNadler
JonNadler's picture

These guys could have taught Winston Smith a thing or two. Here are the pictures of how the uncle dissapeared from the record

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:22 | 4241249 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

betcha he was working with the cia and got caught.....

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:24 | 4241250 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

Despicable thought criminal.  Everyone reading this is a thought criminal.  Report to the ministry of love immediately for your treatment. 

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:25 | 4241254 savedbyfreethought
savedbyfreethought's picture

it is known that those who live by the sword often die by the sword ...

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:47 | 4241349 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

Yes, that's true, though in this case, I think it's more apropos to reference every totalitarian regime in history.  It's dangerous to be related to the king, to be one of the useful idiots backing the regime in it's construction, or anyone nearby when it goes full retard.  Being in that position almost guarantees a first round ticket to the extermination camps. 


So all the lackeys backing any regime: The thing you love and support will probably murder you when you're no longer useful, if not earlier.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:35 | 4241537 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Got that all you Oboma sycophants?

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 23:51 | 4245761 Nick Jihad
Nick Jihad's picture

You should read some of the diaries of the Bolsheviks that Stalin executed during the '30s show trials. They _understood_ why Stalin needed to frame and exucute them, and saw their own execution as their "final service to the Party".  Talk about imbibing the Kool-Aid.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:16 | 4241472 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

I think we all know when Backdoor Barry's usefulness is at an end, he will also be sacrificed by TPTB.

They will have a statue of him and his teleprompters next to the MLK statue. Maybe one of those Disney anatomic things where the head swivels back and forth between the teleprompters.

Mooch will marry up to some zillionaire.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:38 | 4241698 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

Snoop Doggy-Dogg....

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:29 | 4241269 traderjoe100
traderjoe100's picture

despicable human scum Jang, who was worse than a dog, ....


WHAT?  Dogs are great - and very loyal!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:35 | 4241290 akak
akak's picture

Not so much when they're taken for a wok.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:28 | 4241272 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

If you don't like your uncle, you don't have to keep your uncle.

Not so for Uncle Sam, however. 

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:33 | 4241284 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

No one has noticed the slight name change.  It's now Uncle Scam!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:32 | 4241280 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

If you don't like your tyranical despot, you don't have a choice.  You're keeping me!

Green for Obama, Red for Kim Jong Un

Leave a comment if it's both.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:37 | 4241307 XitSam
XitSam's picture

They're both conducting purges in their own militaries.

I really liked the part about "and half-heartedly clapping"

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:19 | 4241481 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

I'm with Col Klink on both Red and Green arrows, for the same reason as you: the Mil purges bit.

Id' love to see an Expose on the New & Improved DOD brass.  The most relevant part (their love of the Constitution and Bill of Rights versus their Ambitions) is nigh impossible to gauge for outsiders.  Only their buddies and immediate Mil circles has a good idea.  No one wants to wear their potentially Contrarian (Pro Constitution) world-view on their sleeve, and get yanked out, if the Administration is headed down the Rothschild/Stalin path.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:47 | 4241360 Being Free
Being Free's picture

"What difference, at this point, does it make?"

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:11 | 4241451 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture


Bath House still has to be more subtle.

That should be ending pretty soon, though.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:36 | 4241297 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

They've got a Korean Shakespeare in the making there.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:41 | 4241320 djsmps
djsmps's picture

I guess he wasn't that favorite uncle we always hear about.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:05 | 4241433 pupdog1
pupdog1's picture

Actually, that was his favorite uncle.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:10 | 4241445 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

So we can conclude, then, all his other uncles are already dead.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:43 | 4241332 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Roneryyyyyyy!  Soooooo roneryyyyyyy!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:47 | 4241359 Zero Point
Zero Point's picture

Careful little tubby. Once people atart to hear about conspiracies against your glorious leadership, they may get ideas.

Should have just quietly poisoned him.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:51 | 4241369 WallowaMountainMan
WallowaMountainMan's picture

good thing the uncle wasn't named 'sam'




Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:55 | 4241396 pupdog1
pupdog1's picture

This Yosemite Sam dog-eatin' orchestra-and-uncle killin' off-his-meds pudgkins little fuck has nukes, and a psychotic need to show everyone who's in charge.

This isn't going to end well.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:20 | 4241653 arby63
arby63's picture

That would be the best thing to happen to this world in probably 237 years....

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:56 | 4241398 MarsInScorpio
MarsInScorpio's picture

Actually, the main English language writer for the KCNA is also contracted by the AP as their correspondent in N. Korea . . . just in case you notice any style and substance similarities in future dispatches datelined from the N. Korean capital.


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 18:56 | 4241406 viator
viator's picture

How about your aunt, mother-in-law?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:00 | 4241420 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Obama: "Wait, we can do that?" 

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:08 | 4241440 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Man, reading old-style commie stories is great!

"Capitalist Running Dog" is one of my favorites.

This writing style should make a big comeback soon in Pravda with Bath House at the Helm.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:20 | 4241647 smacker
smacker's picture

"Capitalist Running Dog"


Sounds like one o' them there Sioux Indian chiefs.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:41 | 4241706 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

'"Capitalist Running Dog" is one of my favorites.'

I always liked 'Imperialist War Maniac'...

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:09 | 4241449 saulysw
saulysw's picture

When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:24 | 4241457 Arbysauce
Arbysauce's picture

Kim can order execution for "clapping half-heartedly." Eat your mother-f'n heart out Obama.

Bonus: Theodore Dalrymple's excellent Pyongyang Department Store Number 1

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 05:58 | 4242778 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

what a fantastic read that was.

thanks for sharing

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:12 | 4241461 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

Was the Uncle exicuted with a land mortar like the exgirlfriend popstar?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:42 | 4241711 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture poooka....

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:18 | 4241476 isolato
isolato's picture

If only my thrice tied tongue could speak, my thrice tied shoes walk...

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:20 | 4241485 akak
akak's picture

I rike flied thrice!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:50 | 4241722 geewhiz
geewhiz's picture

Fly lice an swimps is Chinese not korean dish.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:20 | 4241492 Make_Mine_A_Double
Make_Mine_A_Double's picture

The kid is lacking imagination. When his old man heard the Republican Home Guard officers were talking shit he rounded all the top officiers of the division had them hog tied and run over (slowly) with a T-52.

Some other poor fuckwit was staked out on a motor range after they had it dialed in and they dropped a 155 shell on him (now that's straight up Monty Python..).

This is how it's done in a Stalinist police state. The idea is no one knows who's next or when.

Uncle is shot or hanged, but bear in mind the whole rest of his clan, family and politcal allies also go deep six or the concentration camp.

Sure glad these tards have nukes.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:55 | 4241588 Martel
Martel's picture

However, despicable human scum Jang, who was worse than a dog, perpetrated thrice-cursed acts of treachery in betrayal of such profound trust and warmest paternal love shown by the party and the leader for him.

I'm sure "patriots" would have similar words for Edward Snowden. Two countries, one system.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:02 | 4241601 Seal
Seal's picture

Hey! It could happen here too. 

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:06 | 4241611 mumcard
mumcard's picture

Yeah, Chewie could get angry and rip his head clean off.  We can hope.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:11 | 4241625 Sizzurp
Sizzurp's picture

Game of Thrones baby, you win or you die.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:11 | 4241629 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

He should of used shoe polish to disguise his pale face. He may of received a green card.. LOL

US President Barack Obama's Kenyan-born uncle, who ignored a deportation order more than two decades ago, was on Tuesday granted permission to stay in the United States as a lawful resident, 50 years after he arrived in the country.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:13 | 4241630 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

"Iceland jails former Kaupthing bank bosses"

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:15 | 4241639 smacker
smacker's picture

Hell, that guy with the funny haircut and Apple on his desk has a nasty streak in him.


Obwana had better watch out!

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:20 | 4241641 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

Dear Mr Kim,

are you available for a freelance assignment in USSA?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:21 | 4241648 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

wait ... you can arrest a nation's leader who betrays his people and drives his country down the toilet???

Do Americans know this?

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:30 | 4241677 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

It's all humor. We know.


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 20:23 | 4241658 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

We can use this guy for another ACA [ObamaCare] enrollment statistic. Roll the camera's media sock puppets.


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 21:12 | 4241771 JamesBond
JamesBond's picture

the writer sounds like Strax from Dr. Who....


Thu, 12/12/2013 - 21:16 | 4241787 sgorem
sgorem's picture

actually, do we really give a flying fuck? i'm more interested in seeing some wall streeters, etal. executed for crimes against the people. (non sarcasm).

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 21:24 | 4241818 JailBanksters
JailBanksters's picture

I think this is a good thing

The people of USA should adopt the same policy, anyone that over throws the constitution that over throws the country should be executed.

But instead of one person, it's basically all of Congress and the White House.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 21:27 | 4241839 Quantum Nucleonics
Quantum Nucleonics's picture

Let's set the record straight, he was an uncle-in-law, and who wouldn't want to execute their uncle-in-law?  Or at least purge them from family gatherings.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 02:43 | 4242629 kurt
kurt's picture

Uncle Woody put firecrackers down our pants when we were toddlers. Oh, how I miss him now. "Go ahead" he would say, "Punch me as hard as you can!" heavy waves of hot whiskey blowing out of his purple hole. He died.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 22:50 | 4242093 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

I wouldn't mind seeing my Uncle Sam executed. Or at least castrated.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 23:03 | 4242140 Randoom Thought
Randoom Thought's picture

It must be awful to be in a position where overwhelming fear makes you commit evil acts.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 01:20 | 4242514 el Gallinazo
el Gallinazo's picture

However, despicable human scum Jang, who was worse than a dog, perpetrated thrice-cursed acts of treachery in betrayal of such profound trust and warmest paternal love shown by the party and the leader for him.

I don't care who the fuck they execute, but please leave dogs out of it.  It's bad enough that they eat them.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 09:48 | 4243058 damicol
damicol's picture

the fat fucking  ignorant queer grunt Un was buying underage rent boys in Hong Kong whilst he was  there at  $HK1,000 a time

Rumour has it there are some pics out there of him getting ass fucked whilst sucking dick


Fri, 12/13/2013 - 09:57 | 4243072 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture that's what "running dog" means!

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