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Meet The Restaurant With The Five-Year Waiting List

Tyler Durden's picture





 

It's not Spago, nor Per Se. It isn't located on Rodeo Drive or in Columbus Circle. The restaurant with the longest waiting list, five-years to be precise, is a small, nondescript, 12-table basement located in Earlton, N.Y., named simply enough Damon Baehrel after its owner and chef. Its guests come from 48 countries and include such celebrities as Jerry Seinfeld, Martha Stewart and Barack Obama himself. However what makes Baehrel's restaurant the most exclusive restaurant in the world is not the decor, nor the patrons, some who fly overnight from Manhattan to pay $255 for dinner (before wine and tip), nor the hype (although all the advertising is through word-of-mouth), but the food, which is all cultivated, grown, prepared, cooked and served from and on the property, and where Baehrel is literally the only employee. "I’m the chef, the waiter, the grower, the forager, the gardener, the cheesemaker, the cured-meat maker, and, as I will explain, everything comes from this 12-acre property."

The reality is that farm-to-table dining is not exactly a revolutionary concept, although it certainly makes for a far more enjoyable eating experience. As Bloomberg reports, "even McDonald’s touts its farmers and ranchers in feel-good ads. Increasingly, though, entrepreneurial chefs are doubling down on the eat-local trend and bringing customers into their own homes (or cozy approximations thereof). At these culinary salons or underground restaurants, as they’re often called, professionally trained cooks host for-profit dinner parties in unexpected spaces. There’s Wolvesmouth in Los Angeles, where chef Craig Thornton invites patrons to come to his house and pay what they want; City Grit in Manhattan, which rotates Top Chef winners through a downtown furniture store (yes, the communal dining table is for sale); the Underground Restaurant in London; Supper Underground in Austin, Tex.; and Hush Supper Club in Washington and Chicago. The food world revolves around hype—the harder it is to get into a restaurant, the more people want to go—and so culinary tourists obsess and war over the limited space at these secret spots."

In this world of self-contained gastronomical universes, Baehrel is the most secret:

He has no staff, unless you count his wife and a tech-savvy friend, who help him manage the reservation e-mail address posted on his website. He spends no money on marketing and doesn’t have a business manager cultivating endorsement deals. There have been no profiles of him in major food magazines nor write-ups of his restaurant in any newspapers. In spite of this, or possibly because of it, the wait time just keeps getting longer.

The chef, waiter, gorager, grower (etc), never started off as one: "He learned how to cook from his mother, an avid gardener, and also from years doing odd jobs in mountain-resort kitchens in the Northeast. “I learned bits and pieces along the way, but I never did the research, never looked in a cookbook. In my family, we just learned to do it ourselves, and the inspiration came from nature,” he says. After an injury in 1985 derailed his nascent career as a professional motocross racer, Baehrel and his wife bought their land and opened a catering business specializing in foraged food. It eventually morphed into the bistro concept in 2006 and since then has relied almost entirely on word-of-mouth buzz."

And a lot of buzz there is: as Michael Chernow of New York's chain of Meatball Shops says, "With [Baehrel's] skills, it's like he's the Michael Jordan of culinary art."

So just what does the Michael Jordan of cooks serve?

Baehrel has a thing for molecular gastronomy; his small bites are dehydrated, infused, and tinctured on their way from lawn to mouth. All of that work happens in a red and white-trimmed kitchen-as-barn the chef built himself. It could pass for a rustic guesthouse. He keeps the space meticulously clean, laying down plastic sheets every few days to protect the linoleum floors. On steel prep tables sits the usual restaurant gear of blenders and food processors; neatly organized shelves store hundreds of containers of carefully labeled ingredients such as powdered bracken ferns or pickled maple leaves. “It occurred to me one day—and this was really an epiphany, 25 years ago—that everything I needed was here,” Baehrel says. “And I was going to spend the rest of my life developing and exploring what was possible.”

Not surprisingly, with an unmatched work ethic, Baehrel's concept is very lucrative.

This hyperlocal, hyperunderground strategy is paying off. Baehrel won’t provide exact numbers but says he serves a few thousand guests each year and generates annual revenue of at least $750,000. By contrast, a successful restaurant in Manhattan’s crowded West Village might break the $1 million mark, though the business model is much different. Baehrel’s expenses are less predictable each season; they can include one-off big-ticket items such as a $5,000 trailer or a $10,000 hauling cart. But with no payroll or mortgage, and no food vendors except for his wine, seafood, and meat, which is from a local farm stand, he can stay both small and successful. “The biggest risk,” he says, “is that it’s just me there.”

However, what is most unique, and why Baehrel's kudos and fame, are well-deserved, is his passion for working, cooking, that he takes no shortcuts, and that he has learned how to survive and thrive in an isolated ecosystem with zero supply-chain constraints and considerations, and with zero outside influence by the all-powerful megacorporations (although we have a nagging feeling it is only a matter of time before a major publicly-owned restaurant chain dangles a multi-million dollar check before Baehrel, acquires his 12-table basement and promptly pollutes yet another independent, clean eating concept).

“Native Harvest is more than the cuisine; it’s my way of life. It’s living off the land, and it’s fun to watch nature reveal itself,” Baehrel says. The three-bite dish has an appealingly musty mushroom taste. Sixteen dishes follow over the next five hours, some bite-size and others hearty courses of scallops, steak, and chicken. “He doesn’t use any dairy or butter in his cooking, and yet his sauces are creamy and delicious,” Chernow says. Each course is somehow improved by Baehrel’s monologue about the effort it takes to produce.

 

Perhaps that’s why the mainstream food world has finally started to take notice. Earlier this year, Damon Baehrel earned one of the country’s highest Zagat ratings: 29 for food and 28 for service, out of a possible 30. Baehrel also won his first James Beard nomination, as best chef in the Northeast in 2013. As it stands, the wait list for dinner stretches well into the back half of this decade. As the once-secret restaurant becomes less so, a new puzzle emerges: How does one score a table before Baehrel retires? He acknowledges that eventually he’ll have to stop taking reservations. “It’s a good problem to have.”

It's also a good problem to have for all the minimum-wage restaurant workers of America who toil day and night at various McDonalds and Burger Kings around the country, demanding a higher wage and engaging in nearly daily strikes. Here's a thought: take your passion for your job (if of course there is one) and do what Baehrel did - start a venture, open up a business, provide something new, original, fresh, and you too can attain the American dream. Or alternatively, keep on striking, and demanding more, more, more from the government, and from an uncaring corporatocracy, while lamenting your plight. Because if there is a lesson in Baehrel's experience (and this most certainly is not a promotional post), is that while the US system is doing everything in its power to crush the enterpreneurial drive and to make upward mobility impossible, for those who have a real passion about their lot in life true success is still possible.

Finally, and perhaps most important assuming the future of the world is one in which critical supply chains tear apart: Baehrel's example shows that one can lead a self-contained life of near gastronomical perfection with zero needs for 99 cent meals, and merely a few acres in which to grow and raise one's food. All it takes, of course, is a lot of work...

For the reading challenged, here is an abbreviated 3-minute video summary of the above.

 


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Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:30 | Link to Comment Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

This guy is amazing

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:31 | Link to Comment holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

I wonder if Soetoro waited the five years or cut in line.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:48 | Link to Comment Cap Matifou
Cap Matifou's picture

Bignose woman on vid says the Obos maybe would want cut in line.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:12 | Link to Comment Cult_of_Reason
Cult_of_Reason's picture

Even ZeroHedge was sucked into this "The Emperor’s New Clothes" restaurant scam based on pluralistic ignorance -- no one believes, but everyone believes what everyone else or celebrities believe.

LOL

I know, I'm unfit to judge "near gastronomical perfection", BUT this restaurant isn't wearing anything at all -- the emperor has no clothes!

Even ZeroHedge is ignorant to whether Damon Baehrel has clothes on or not, but believes that everyone else (celebrities as Jerry Seinfeld, Martha Stewart and Barack Obama himself) is not ignorant.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:15 | Link to Comment atomp
atomp's picture

No shit. Fuck this story. What? Did he grow those scallops in the fucking stream in his back yard? etc. Whatever.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:38 | Link to Comment remain calm
remain calm's picture

Did he use his own shit for manure. If not, I am canceling my reservation, it ain't all natual.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:47 | Link to Comment Indian_Goldsmith
Indian_Goldsmith's picture

Americans are wierd. Your food is very tasteless. And you miss out on the numerous health benefits of having spices in your food. If you really want variety, come to india.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:20 | Link to Comment Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

And your women's bushes are very hairy.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:50 | Link to Comment formadesika3
formadesika3's picture

Reminds me of some photos my dad brought home after the war (THE War) from Calcutta, India. Us kids were not supposed to see but you know how that goes.

<shiver>

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:45 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

That place isn't exclusive.  Our place is exclusive.

Mrs. Horseman is making brittle and chocolate truffles this week for Christmas, and President Obama and Jerry Seinfeld are NOT on our list, but Tyler will probably get a big tin in the mail.

Finally, and perhaps most important assuming the future of the world is
one in which critical supply chains tear apart: Baehrel's example shows
that one can lead a self-contained life of
near gastronomical perfection with zero needs for 99 cent meals, and
merely a few acres in which to grow and raise one's food. All it takes,
of course, is a lot of work...

Amen!

Anyone, and I mean anyone, can grow young-tender-flavorful buckwheat as the foundation for a delicious salad.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:10 | Link to Comment BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

'There have been no profiles of him in major food magazines nor write-ups of his restaurant in any newspapers.'

.

Maybe 'they' dont want the masses to get any ideas that growing your own vegetables and herbs and such, is a good idea and you can be successful...

They dislike us people that have a vegetable garden as they want you to go to their grocery stores...and totally dependent on the system.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:37 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

I'll never travel to India again.

I have no dislike of the people, but the caste system is an immoral abomination, and the lack of anything remotely close to sanitation & hygiene makes for conditions that are so deplorable that most westerners would literally be afraid to eat anything or make any contact with or touch anyone.

I've traveled to many poor nations on business, but India blows even poorer nations out of the water when it comes to lack of the most basic levels of hygiene & disease prevention.

I truly feel sorry for the bottom 99% of Indians - then again, I pretty much resent them on the other hand for not revolting against a corrupt, immoral social system and rotten governmental apparatus that grinds them into dust daily.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 01:09 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

"I pretty much resent them on the other hand for not revolting against a corrupt, immoral social system and rotten governmental apparatus that grinds them into dust daily." - How I feel when I see Wal-Mart. 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 01:46 | Link to Comment flacon
flacon's picture

[French accent] "I schallange you to a douel!" NOBODY... and I mean NOBODY makes a better barbecue New York Strip Steak than ME. 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 05:06 | Link to Comment Manthong
Manthong's picture

As Martha Stewart might say.. “Value, it’s a good thing”.

Of course, that was prior to the time that value for Congressional insider trading was legalized since she was jailed for an implication of such..

But,  it comforts me to know that “in the end” all of the .gov sheep will be eating the produce of their own design.   

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 07:33 | Link to Comment old naughty
old naughty's picture

4get the 5 year wait...

b,b,but...would Mrs. Horseman share the recipe?

Thanks either way for sharing, HH.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 08:57 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Like Starbucks.....if someone throws me a gift card.....I'll give it a shot.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 09:00 | Link to Comment negative rates
negative rates's picture

He even does the dishes from what I hear.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 12:25 | Link to Comment jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

five hours to eat a meal?  the gene pool keeps getting thinner

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 09:10 | Link to Comment BeansMcGreens
BeansMcGreens's picture

"Maybe 'they' dont want the masses to get any ideas that growing your own vegetables and herbs and such, is a good idea and you can be successful..."

 

The Truth will make you free.  The government wants one to believe that what comes out of the backyard is dangerous. Thank Congressman Waxman of California for his Food Safety Bill. Will be easier for all when the food ration box can be picked up at the local walmart. Check out the Cubian system of food rationing. Hard for the masses to rise up when they are only a week away from starvation.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 09:52 | Link to Comment RSloane
RSloane's picture

If you live near a park or have maples trees on your property, you can make pureed maple leaves and add any ingredients that you like - I add brown sugar, cream, butter,  and nutmeg. You can thin the puree to pour over pancakes  or keep it think to baste meats that are roasting. I use it on pork roasts and we also pour it over our pancakes. Pure, simple, fresh, satisfying. Its delicious. Foraging is nothing new. He has just taken it to an art form.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 19:18 | Link to Comment tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

" - I add brown sugar, cream, butter,  and nutmeg."

My guess would be that if you add all that even brussel sprouts would taste delicious.

 What actually does the addition of pureed maple leaves add to the mix?

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 19:20 | Link to Comment tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

I put brown sugar on my maple leaf and near broke my tooth.  Wonder if I should have used ASE's.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 11:24 | Link to Comment toady
toady's picture

Exactly. The key here isn't to marvel at the glory of this 'celebrity restaurant', but to think about. Self sustainable ways to feed your friends & family.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 12:22 | Link to Comment daggoo
daggoo's picture

And you know this HOW??

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:26 | Link to Comment Zero Point
Zero Point's picture

Indian food? Seriously?

Fuck me, I'd rather eat German food.

And I'd pick mildewed ass over both of those.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:20 | Link to Comment Braverdave
Braverdave's picture

Indian food is pretty good if you need to give your insides a good cleanse.

German food is the food of the gods. Who doesn't like sausage and sauerkraut?

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 05:05 | Link to Comment fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

Pigs and cabbage.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 19:22 | Link to Comment DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

true, you will visit the gods a lot faster if all you do is load up on sausage

 

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:27 | Link to Comment mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

Sorry, Indian food no.  I'd rather have brit or irish food.

Chink food yes!

Hot wings, yes!!

Beef, chicken, shrimp, salmon. on the grill, yes!!!

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:40 | Link to Comment Boiling Frogs
Boiling Frogs's picture

Indian food gives me the shits. 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:02 | Link to Comment old.frt
old.frt's picture

You are griping about the authenticity of the foods of India.

If you don't get Delhi Belly, it ain't for real.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:16 | Link to Comment quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

"If you really want variety,"

Yeah you really said a mouthful there. A mouthful of what I am not sure but all the same.....

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:40 | Link to Comment A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

True.Dat. Flavor in the Untied States amounts to salt, peppah, onion, and maybe garlic. If that doesn't add enough flavor, throw some heavy molassas BBQ sauce at it.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 08:36 | Link to Comment ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

I love the IDEA of what this guy does. As to the purity??? I'll tell you that I would gladly pay the $300.00 for the experience though. Am I a fool? Duh, I've already figured that much out and am resigned to the fact.

As far as your assertion regarding Indian food goes, I'm inclined to side with you. Working for a home builder years ago (during 'the good old days'), several of the home owners with whom I would regularly visit were Microsoft employed persons from India. One couple had me over for lunch from time to time. The food was incomparable in my experience, and the homes smelled so phenomenal that, well I'll self delete TMI and simply say it was delightful-:)

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 10:14 | Link to Comment ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

yeah, that putrid smell of curry that overwhelms your senses the moment you open the door to one of those dotheads' homes is just delightful. sarc

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 12:05 | Link to Comment jwoop66
jwoop66's picture

Nothing says excitement like adding the same four or five spices to EVERY THING you eat!

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 11:10 | Link to Comment Hotmustard
Hotmustard's picture

I can smell India from Boston, and it's not tasty food I can smell.

 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 14:21 | Link to Comment sgorem
sgorem's picture

@ I_G.....way too hot, too many life taking snakes, too many monkeys, too many poor people:), too many cows roaming the streets, rats everywhere, and of course the crocodiles, malaria carrying mosquitos, and water that will either kill ya, or make you wish for death. other than that, yeah, the food is great.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 04:36 | Link to Comment Serenity Now
Serenity Now's picture

I hope you're not a travel agent.  LOL.  ;)

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:45 | Link to Comment W74
W74's picture

Article did say that meat, seafood and wine were not harvested from the property.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:10 | Link to Comment Cult_of_Reason
Cult_of_Reason's picture

Is it "good and safe" Fukushima seafood soaked according to "molecular astrology" (Church of Scientology?) principles in his backyard waterfall and streams for five years and served with a touch of near gastronomically perfect liquefied wild violet stems?

_____________________________________________________________

 

Japanese PM eats seafood caught off Fukushima
Japanese leader attempts to dispel fears over Fukushima fallout by sampling local seafood

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/japan/10395434/Japanese-PM-eats-seafood-caught-off-Fukushima.html

 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 01:40 | Link to Comment Freddie
Freddie's picture

"I’m the chef, the waiter, the grower, the forager, the gardener, the cheesemaker, the cured-meat maker, and, as I will explain, everything comes from this 12-acre property."

He does it all himself?  Cured-meat maker?

I wonder if he beats his own meat?

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 14:24 | Link to Comment sgorem
sgorem's picture

with the money he's making Freddie, he probably sub-contracts that messy business out:) hoped that helped?

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:53 | Link to Comment wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

 

 

Most folks just want good food in large portions...

When the go out to eat.

Fuck those itsy-bitsy tiny little art creations...

They try to decorate your plate with...

And charge you a fortune to eat to be one of the "in-crowd."

A fool and his money are easily parted!

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:44 | Link to Comment W74
W74's picture

When going out to eat most Americans think with their wallets rather than their stomachs.  Everyone wants bang for their buck, that's how this culture developed.  Are there any buffets in France?

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 01:12 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Only Warren with Becky Quick?

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:19 | Link to Comment Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Art is art, you either like it or you don't...

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:36 | Link to Comment zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Yes, the food in these plates looks like art but turn into shit within few hours.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:51 | Link to Comment wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

 

 

Crash Overide   Art is art, you either like it or you don't...

I like art... but I don't like to eat it!

A fool and his money...

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 01:36 | Link to Comment Freddie
Freddie's picture

You did not grow those scallops.

If you like your scallops, you can keep your scallops.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 14:56 | Link to Comment Blammo
Blammo's picture

L'Idiot's

Leedee YO's

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:35 | Link to Comment G-R-U-N-T
G-R-U-N-T's picture

Good lord, half this shit I can grow in my sewer pipe in the back yard and the other half in my trash benz. Alright, I'll set up a few tables in my basement and sell you a plate for half of what Damon Baehrel will charge you. Opening on 'Saturnalia' where unrestrained merry making is always, always allowed!

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:55 | Link to Comment mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

I tend to walk out of the store if the clerk on the self-checkout-lines is too busy picking his nose to clear my beer purchase within 30 seconds of my signaling him.

So this will probably not work for me.   My loss.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:05 | Link to Comment mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

Plus that guy had dildos sticking stright out of his ramikans filled with fungus, ich.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:09 | Link to Comment ZH Snob
ZH Snob's picture

I'm glad he's making his patrons pay through the nose.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:44 | Link to Comment formadesika3
formadesika3's picture

I have to ask myself even if I did manage to get in that place after a long wait of 5 years, who could I find to talk to about it? If your like me, that would be a problem.

 

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:46 | Link to Comment VD
VD's picture

i am making a reservation tonight! will report back in 5 years!

 

edit: email sent. maybe last min opening and i'll drive right up!

 

edit2: email from reservations:

 

"Thank you for inquiring about a reservation at DAMON BAEHREL. Due to a large volume of reservation requests, we are currently backlogged with a multi-year waiting list. No same day, same week or same month reservations are possible. It is not unusual for guests to wait several years or more for a reservation.  Please note that it is best to choose multiple days/dates/months/times of the year that you would be available, Unfortunately, specific seating/arrival times cannot be requested. Seating times are assigned by our Reservaton Office.  Flexibility is the key to securing a reservation.

Our reservation representative will contact you generally within 3 to 5 business days, and add you to our reservation request waiting list database if you would like. This auto reply does NOT confirm your requested reservation.

Thank you again for your interest, and we look forward to you joining us at Damon Baehrel. We promise the experience will be unlike anything you've experienced anywhere in the world and worth your efforts!
Holiday Note: Gift Cards & Certificates are NOT available or issued for the restaurant."

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:55 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Huh...

So you didn't send it with any of the names like Barack Obama, Jamie Dimon, Lloyd Blankfein?

Humph....

Guess they discriminate n some unknown standards to which we are neither privy nor meet.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:03 | Link to Comment VD
VD's picture

idk but as an ex-motorcyclist too and essentially exclusively organic foods only eater i am beyond excited to go up there for the experience....

 

and if he told Obummer to get in line like everyone else then ever more props to him. i'll ask him about that when i go...

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:16 | Link to Comment SmackDaddy
SmackDaddy's picture

eathing fucking dandelions off a slate rock.  yeah ill fucking pass

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:30 | Link to Comment hamstercheese
hamstercheese's picture

Is there drive thru?

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:36 | Link to Comment Tim Knight from...
Tim Knight from Slope of Hope's picture

Yeah, there is. But there are already 32,802 cars ahead of you. Wait your turn.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:42 | Link to Comment dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

no. but he does accept Bitcoin. Imagine that

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:32 | Link to Comment garypaul
garypaul's picture

So, locally sourced/organic is great - it just will cost you hundreds of dollars per plate

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:51 | Link to Comment RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

I ate at this place in rural China where you selected the chicken you wanted to eat from the chicken-yard.

For an extra fee I got to chase it around and kill it myself with a crude club. Best.Meal.Ever.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:32 | Link to Comment CCanuck
CCanuck's picture

+10 Rafter...I needed the laugh.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 13:41 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

I ate at this place in rural China where you selected the chicken you wanted to eat from the chicken-yard.

Always looking for ways to please the customer, AnAnonymous has added a pigeon bar to his JKC* Chinese citizenism fastfood franchise:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=cbe_1381921437&safe_mode=off

 

*Just Killed Cat

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 16:19 | Link to Comment akak
akak's picture

The true mettle of the finest Chinese Citizenism restaurants is whether one is allowed to wok their dog on the premises.

Also, when the "Restroom" sign leads one to a door opening onto a roadside.

Very mattering, very crusty.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 18:09 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Alas, alas, how much is that doggie in the window, alas, such cuisinartistry found only at Chinese citizenist restaurants possessing upscaliness, where dog is wokked at table while you watch, and restroom revolving door on roadside no parking reservations.

Chinese citizenism fastfoodmentation like JKC pours authenticality but lacking mettle in luxuries extravagantly.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 19:31 | Link to Comment tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

sounds like alotacrap to me.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 19:27 | Link to Comment DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

not really, I eat an organic salad with about twenty greens from my yard every day and it cost me about one twentieth the retail

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:31 | Link to Comment CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

I should have known the elites could poison even the back to the land survivalist concept.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:47 | Link to Comment scrappy
scrappy's picture

Hedgeless Horseman, calling Hedgeless!

We need a exclusive ZH only dining experience.

I bet you could give em a run ...

Just need those fancy dippers and artistic sauces just so.

Violla, much higher profit!

http://www.damonbaehrel.com/home.php

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:02 | Link to Comment Serenity Now
Serenity Now's picture

+1, Crash.  Good Lord, farmers do this every day.  LOL, only New Yorkers and celebrities would think this is something special.  

HH, have you considered this as a hobby?  

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:31 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

HH, have you considered this as a hobby? 

It has been our hobby for more than a decade, minus the strangers and revenue. Friends are always welcome, and never pay.  Mrs. Horseman and I hosted 70 for a dinner last month, gratis.  No catering, no outside help.  Tons of fun.

Now, when it comes to a business, these folks up the road from us do it very well:

Our 24-acre USDA-certified organic farm provides our
award-winning restaurant—the only Forbes five-star destination in Texas—with
fresh, flavorful ingredients lovingly cultivated without the use of hormones,
synthetic fertilizers, or pesticides. The farm specializes in heirloom
varietals of fruits and seasonal vegetables such as figs, persimmons, peaches,
and tomatoes. A berry patch, orchard, and herb garden also help the ranch move
toward total self-sufficiency. A high-tech, 7,000-square-foot greenhouse
provides our chefs with fresh produce throughout winter, and a shadehouse
offers vital plant protection during the hot Texas summers. The Inn at Dos Brisas
is a member and supporter of the Texas Organic Farmers and Gardeners
Association.

http://www.dosbrisas.com/restaurant/

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 04:18 | Link to Comment Serenity Now
Serenity Now's picture

HH,

I knew that's how you roll.  :)

I have three banana plant groves in my back yard, with SIX clusters growing!  We already harvested one cluster.  I use the word cluster, because each cluster has numerous bunches that you see in the store.  Mine are apple bananas, and they take months to grow, so I have a real appreciation of how much time, effort, water, good soil, etc., it takes to grow food.  I don't have time to grow anything else right now, but I occasionally pull up a weed that has a potato attached to it!  LOL.  

I also have lots of wild chickens, and they are fun.  

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 19:29 | Link to Comment DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

hedgeless do you grow under cover at all?

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 21:14 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

No. Greenhouses are not a necessity for 6-8 weeks of winter, if that. Right now, our cauliflower is going crazy, and it is as cold as it gets. Our down time is August, but even then there are many things like melons and okra that love the heat.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 21:32 | Link to Comment DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

at the 47th parallel I have little choice in winter

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:44 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

And 50 years ago this was a 'Mom and Pop' restaurant? Fuck the 500, and the prices.  I can get this buying locally. Wait until the 'tap' is turned off and then the rich can suck their existence from their 'awards'; go blow an Emmie you parasities, suck on a Grammy.  Good on you, wait 5 years for your food and die in the process.  Anyone who thinks Manhattan represents America is fucking dead in the brain department to begin with; to anyone living in those NY einvirons to begin with, good riddance to bad rubbish. I welcome the target practice...

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:03 | Link to Comment UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

In Rome just before the Empire fell, the highest paid people were elite athletes, politicians, and chefs.

Good thing that's not happening again....

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:07 | Link to Comment VD
VD's picture

excellent point and yes it's true, just before fall of empire there was the first instance of what is now referred to as celebrity chef.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:05 | Link to Comment Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Bam !

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:05 | Link to Comment FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Hit it with the spice weasel!

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 13:35 | Link to Comment Big Brother
Big Brother's picture

-Nice "Futurama" reference -BAM!

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:28 | Link to Comment rustymason
rustymason's picture

Very interesting. Links or authors, please.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:03 | Link to Comment Serenity Now
Serenity Now's picture

I'm watching a History Channel DVD set on the Romans, and disc one talked a bit about this.

They ate a lot of mice, though.  Yuck.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:42 | Link to Comment zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Another fact, every empire before collapsing promoted homosexuality.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 01:24 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

The Russians? The Germans? The Maya? The Aztecs? The Inca? The Chinese? The Japanese? Dunno about that one buddy. 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 03:13 | Link to Comment Canoe Driver
Canoe Driver's picture

TDS, there's a difference between an empire and a civilization. Look it up, and don't be a tool. Promotion of homosexuality and feminization, inter alia, have characterized the decline of empires. A better question is whether the phenomenon is causative.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 12:42 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

None of these were empires? Hmmmmm... you might be reading from a Texas schoolbook.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:39 | Link to Comment FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

You had me until "a lot of work." Not giving up the drive-through... no way... does he super-size the fries?

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:13 | Link to Comment ImReady
ImReady's picture

Super size fries includes 3 fries + upsell charge of $75

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:14 | Link to Comment ImReady
ImReady's picture

dupe.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:44 | Link to Comment EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Me and the little lady are off to Gidleigh Park between xmas and new years. The waiting list might not be as long, but their signature menu is still supposed to be awesome.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:43 | Link to Comment brown_hornet
brown_hornet's picture

My locally sourced carrots,broccoli, cucumbers,cabbage,peppers and butternut squash only cost me for seeds and some pleasurable time.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:51 | Link to Comment El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Start saving your own seeds.  Although, I will warn that you might get some very strange results with squashes if you don't bag female blossoms and hand pollinate.  If you're adventurous, however, and don't mind a white scalloped squash crossed with a zucchini, just go for promiscuous pollination. 

 

My squash had the crap knocked out of it this year by a nasty storm, then the squash bugs got into it.  My neighbors though I was crazy being out there every few days vacuuming the little bastards off of the vines and bushes. 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:10 | Link to Comment scrappy
scrappy's picture

I hunt them by hand (orange crush) and hate them, tried ladybugs and praying mantises, no luck yet, but maybe a few hung around.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:20 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

No squash bugs.  The chickens must eat them.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:27 | Link to Comment El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

I planted them early this year.  My neighbor typically waits until June or so and claims that she doesn't have a big problem.  My problem is that I love Callibacitas, so I'm going to want to plant around the end of April or the beginning of May again just because I'm impatient. 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 03:10 | Link to Comment Adahy
Adahy's picture

Yeah, I have to be careful about planting out too early here as well.  If I do plant early, the squash bugs set up shop here instead of pass on through.  If I wait, they pass me by and I can grow relatively squash-bug free.  Row covers and mini hoop-houses work wonders if you are impatient.  I'm planting early and keeping them covered this year.

My big problem this last season was the damn squash vine-borer.  The tromboncino squash and edible luffas were reasonably resilient, but the borers sure did a number on my cucumbers and yellow squash.  Thank God I still had some pickles stored up from the previous year.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 18:29 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

The squash vine borers are the worst. I've had squash go from a lush Cucurbita jungle to a flatland of dead vines over the course of three or four days.

This year I had some success by using floating row covers. I also had a raised bed that I didn't do anything with this year, within which I planted radishes and squash last year. The squash had been killed off by vine borers, but one of the plants was able to produce a single small squash with viable seeds. I'd also let the radishes go to seed last year, and they came back like weeds. Over the spring and early summer this year, the single squash must have rotted and at least one of the seeds germinated. I didn't know it until mid-July when I noticed a yellow-orange flower hidden behind the radish forest.

As the vine borers are attracted to squash by the flowers, the radishes must have provided sufficient camoflage until the winged adult borers had laid their eggs and died off for the year. Fortunately we get cold winters here, so the squash vine borers can only complete a single life cycle per year. In warmer climates, such as in the southern US, they complete two life cycles per year, so in areas affected by them you'd need to keep the row covers over them until harvest.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 02:20 | Link to Comment El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

By the downvote I'm seeing now, I'm guessing somebody has had a lot of squash bugs and is intensely jealous.  They suck, and yes, the vacuum does work.  I use a shop vac, and an elderly woman I know uses a wet-dry dust buster. 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 12:49 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

My chickens wouldn't touch them for some reason. If you don't have people growing close to you, you might not have an issue. I fight these guys, and they carry a fungus. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_marmorated_stink_bug

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 22:31 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Have you tried not feeding your chickens?

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 23:42 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

They refuse to touch these things. When I don't feed them, they will eat most things, but not these bugs. Something about Chinese imports?

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:46 | Link to Comment Mike2756
Mike2756's picture

Kind of like Bozos Circus.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:50 | Link to Comment Fedaykinx
Fedaykinx's picture

fedaykinx, locally sourcing deez nutz since 1974

 

(bitchez)

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:55 | Link to Comment greatbeard
greatbeard's picture

Well I can't match that, but I did have pan seared Alaskan salmon (from Publix, on sale, $10.00 a pound, fresh, not frozen.  I bought 10 pounds, vacu packed and froze it into 5.5 oz servings), bush beans from my garden, yellow squash and onions from my garden.  Damn fine if I do say so myself.  I'm still amazed when I'm eating my meals made up of a good dose of home grown veggies.  The problem is getting to be where to store all the preserved food.  Modern kitchens and houses weren't designed with storing a years supply of food in mind.  It's a terrible problem to have.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:08 | Link to Comment mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

I too had salmon with acorn squash from my garden that may have turned recently but I gave it the college try for me and my family.

Probably fine!!!

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:12 | Link to Comment greatbeard
greatbeard's picture

>> may have turned

I'm rooting for ya buddy.  One of the few positive things I was born with was a cast iron stomach.  Damn good thing 'cause I've pushed the limits of being a food tester myself.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:23 | Link to Comment mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

The best breakfast in college was always the pizza left on the table from the night before.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:32 | Link to Comment Curiously_Crazy
Curiously_Crazy's picture

"It's a terrible problem to have."

 

I know you were probably speaking in jest, but if I had problems like that I'd be a very happy man.

There are still those of us unluky to be living in a flat/unit/apartment and don't even have 1sqm of earth to do anything with. I do buy organic when I can, but oftentimes I have no choice but to buy trucked in stuff. Would absolutely love to be able to get into growing my own stuff and the whole learning process appeals to me... unfortunately it's not an option.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 02:07 | Link to Comment Serenity Now
Serenity Now's picture

CC,

You could grow some herbs!  They don't take up much room, and they are pretty as well.  :)

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 03:13 | Link to Comment Adahy
Adahy's picture

Try a grow box on the patio, or some herbs as houseplants.  If you are really dedicated, you can always "guerilla garden" an empty space.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 08:09 | Link to Comment greatbeard
greatbeard's picture

>> don't even have 1sqm of earth to do anything with.

You can still preserve higher quality food for less money then you can buy.  Find yourself a farmer's market and start buying in bulk and experimenting with canning, pickling, dehydrating.  In general, it's much cheaper, and way easier, to buy your produce and fruits from a farmer's market when preserving.  You can buy large quantities all at once, ready for the caner.  When growing your own garden it's difficult to grow enough so you have the quantities needed for canning in mass.  Same goes for fruit.  You can buy several cases of fruit, all of the same ripeness, and if you buy in season, at a fraction of the cost of growing it yourself.  I can peaches, pears and strawberries in mass, in season, from the farmer's market.  Find a local source and talk to them.  Find out when what is in season and the cheapest.  Do a little research on canning.  It's intimidating to some, and there is a good bit if information you need to be aware of, but it's really easy once you do it a couple of times.  I could easily move off my hobby farm but I could never go back to buying main stream canned veggies, fruits and preserves.  You will be astounded at the difference in quality.  Good luck bro.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:21 | Link to Comment scrappy
scrappy's picture

I am near a great fishing town, fresh atlantic seafood is the best, and not glowing to boot, yet. Got a stairstep raised bed setup with a little greenhouse over it, experimented, insulated the crap out of it, and use a grow light on a timer to fake the sun in the morning and at night, and have a thermostatically controled small heater. 16 degrees outside, and the heater was off and on but not all of the time, (62-67F inside, goes much higher on a bright day) tomatoes are coming up now.

Got basil, peppers, potatoes and sweet potatoees just planted, carrots, lettuce, peas, and am trying for cukes and squash for the hell of it.

Again an experiment.

Also have a cold frame, and cold veggies in exposed raised beds, bok choy, brocolli, brussel spouts, onions, carrots, leeks, cellery, green kale, and red kale, ...

Mostly heirloom.

Saving seed too.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 04:36 | Link to Comment Adahy
Adahy's picture

"Saving seed too."

The best investment.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 12:36 | Link to Comment El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

I stick to open pollinated.  When saving seed, you have to watch out for male cytoplasmic sterility.

 

http://garden.lofthouse.com/cytoplasmic-male-sterility.phtml

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 09:15 | Link to Comment RSloane
RSloane's picture

Greatbeard, if you have room you can dig a small root cellar and place shelves in it. Just make sure you are not going to hit any electrical or plumbing lines. Works like a charm for preservatives.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 12:59 | Link to Comment greatbeard
greatbeard's picture

>> you can dig a small root cellar and place shelves in it.

I'm in Florida.  The only thing you can dig here is a swamp.  There are some plans out there for above ground root cellars.  I'm scheming on something like a small walk in freezer, maybe 8" to 10" of foam with a refrigeration unit to keep it at 50 to 60 degrees.  All in the future though.  I've got so much to learn about canning, pickling, fermenting and drying I need to slow the pace down.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 13:11 | Link to Comment Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

One of the reasons we bought our house was it had a 1500sq ft basement which is quite unusual in our area. The real estate agent shrugged her shoulders in frustration trying to sell a home with " such a waste of space". We just smiled and made an offer.

Miffed;-)

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 15:07 | Link to Comment akak
akak's picture

Funny that you say that about basements Miffed.

What is it about these weird West Coasters and their shunning of basements?  When I lived in the Midwest, it was bizarre for a house, even the most modest, to NOT have a basement, yet here in Alaska basements are, as in your area, also almost unheard of, for no particular reason that I can fathom.  Even where the soil is eminently suited to it, I have yet to see a house that has a basement in Alaska.

And while on the topic of West Coast weirdness, what is up with their freaky exhibitionism in refusing to EVER cover their windows at night?  Again, one of things that most shocked me when I moved to Anchorage years ago was the fact that almost NOBODY covers their windows at night with blinds, curtains or shades, allowing anyone and everyone to see EVERYTHING going on inside their houses!  I have even seen houses in closely-spaced subdivisions in which people were nonchalantly parading around in their underwear while easily visible from the street, much less the sidewalk!  Back where I grew up, that kind of thing would have essentially been grounds for a visit from a cop almost certainly, and very possibly a citation for public indency, as EVERYONE covered their windows when it was dark at night just as a matter of course, in the same way that nobody would go to out to their mail box in their underwear or naked.  But West Coasters don't seem to care about privacy at all.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 00:51 | Link to Comment Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Because our house is nestled against a mountain we have technically a day basement because the north side is above ground. It still is very cool witha constant temp that hovers around 60 deg year round. Perfect for storing our wines and root vegetables. We often get over 105 in the summer so it's a great place to retreat especially if the air conditioning is on the fritz. I am so confused why basements aren't standard fare as well. Their construction couldn't be very difficult and there are not boggy conditions here.

You really had me laughing at your indecency story! Since our house faces north and our nearest neighbor is a mile away we don't bother to cover up much. Not that we purposefully parade around but I love to hot tub during the winter and since it's very private I have no reason to be demure. However I do admit shock when I visit people in subdivisions where the homes are extraordinarily close together and the lack of privacy is keenly felt. It's as is you are in everyone's business whether you wish to be or not.

I guess I'm just not much of one for Puritanism. Mr had to go to Cancun for a business trip and asked me to come. I really didn't want to go to such a pathetic tourist trap so he booked a side trip to Tulum to entice me. When we we unpacking in our cute little beach cabin he told me he had a confession to make. He hadn't told me it was a nude beach for fear I wouldn't go. Of course I freaked out and ran to the window. Yup, he was right. He laughed his head off as I was careening out the window I almost fell. By mid week I was sunbathing with everyone else like nothing was unusual. That was one of the best vacations I had ever had and if it weren't for all the military armed to the hilt everywhere and drug smugglers I'd go back in a flash.

Miffed;-)

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 03:03 | Link to Comment akak
akak's picture

Indeed, I should have realized right off the bat that I was bringing up the concept of public modesty with the wrong person.

 

:P

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 15:03 | Link to Comment Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Yes, it is shamefully hopeless no matter how hard I try to change myself. It exasperated my poor husband for years. Here's a man, an only child,who is extremely private and, if it weren't for an inordinate amount of testosterone, would be leading a quiet life alone away from any human interaction. After 5 years playing Ricky to my Lucy he sat me down and gave me a talk. " I have tried to change you. I thought you were simply ignorant and with my guidance you would be properly educated. Since I failed, I thought you were possibly unintelligent but I realized you were actually quite smart. I have now come to the conclusion the problem lies with your brain. Somehow, it just doesn't function the same as my own. I have now given up and you are free to be yourself without my interference." He was dead serious and I had to contain myself from laughing my head off. It appears you have been fortunate to have not shackled yourself to a loopy wildassed dingbat and can live your life in relative serenity.

Miffed;-)

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:57 | Link to Comment I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

Yeahbut every Cheesecake Factory does $10m/year, and you can choose what you want.

No doubt it's always fun and often (very) profitable to cater to the rich and confused, but there's only so much of that to go around.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 20:57 | Link to Comment Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

Aliens - I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a88Z7YOh_us (0:16)

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:07 | Link to Comment ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Breaking Food: Humans coming to your neighborhood, just doing it all locally, using all 7 senses at once, indigenous awareness in non-digital time.

Ready, Set, Go.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:00 | Link to Comment Duc888
Duc888's picture

Greatbeard: but I did have pan seared Alaskan salmon

 

Hell yea.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:05 | Link to Comment Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Just last evening, arrived at a restaurant. The host tells me, give me a moment, we’ll find you a table. I looked around, said, ‘no you can’t, and these people were before me’. She states, I can get you a table in a second’. I told her no. Be back another evening.  Walked out and went to another place. Can’t believe people would fuck up someone’s reservation while I eat a salad.

Five fucking years to book a reservation?  HOW ABOUT LEARNING TO COOK FOOD OR BOIL WATER!

Good grief.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:10 | Link to Comment augustusgloop
augustusgloop's picture

Fly overnight from Mannahatta? The restaurant is a 2 1/2 hr drive from the UWS. 

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:36 | Link to Comment W74
W74's picture

Small local airports?  But yeah, sounded silly to me too.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:10 | Link to Comment KennyW
KennyW's picture

All hype. No real critiques on what is served or even what's on the menu. You can't eat atmosphere and hype. Just saying.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:14 | Link to Comment Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

While I'm fascinated with this story and this guys ingenuity in being the farmer, chef, sommelier waiter dish and bottle washer at an unthinkable micro level and precision which is extraordinary if you've ever been in the restaurant business -my hats off.

I love food and travel but given where this Country and the rest of the World for that matter is right now the last thing I want to remind myself of is seeing the "beautiful" and not so beautiful like the Jaimie's and Lloyd's among other esteemed members of "The Club" that you're not in gorging themselves on the best of everything they stole and creating "the London Whale" equivalent out there blow holes on finishing the meal with a $500.00 glass of rare cognac.

I hope if "Barry" shows up for another visit that he has a Dorito moment like G.W. had on the couch and chokes to death on the pate en croute.  And if that doesn't work maybe chef Michael can find something in the garden to do the trick.  Should he be successful in pulling it off it should earn him the Nobel Peace Prize!

Sorry those three visuals alone just made me lose my appetite.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 07:58 | Link to Comment lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Well, it seems if you wait long enough, anyone can get in. I would do a Rodney Dangerfield on the other diners if they were Big Cheese dudes.

"Hey, baby, I bet you were hot back before electicity."

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:21 | Link to Comment NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Leave me alone.  I've have a nice memory of Bern's Steak House in Tampa.  They don't grow it on-site (the neighborhood looks like a demilitarized zone) but they have their own farms where it's grown and they KNOW how to take care of their guests.  Wanna be real borgeois?  Go ahead and pop a $20,000 bottle of wine, if you like.  Yeah, like that.

Maybe not the best in the world, but the best I've ever experienced personally.

 

 

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:52 | Link to Comment greatbeard
greatbeard's picture

>> I've have a nice memory of Bern's Steak House in Tampa.

I have a nice memory of the place too, one I'll never forget.  As a poor hombre who grew up in the Tampa Bay area I'd always heard of Burns and wanted to treat myself.  I'm not one to overspend on a meal but some things you just need to do.  So I go.  Yeah, it's a ghetto neighborhood, but I'm ok with that.  Overstuffed pretentious atmosphere, but about what I expected.  Then we were seated at a two top, jammed right next to another two top, right next to and extremely noisy bus station.  The guy sitting right next to us is the size of a male walrus and is acting like he's in heat.  The jackass was bellowing non-stop about something, I don't' remember, but basically "look at me, I'm a big, fat, important jackass at Berns".  So I get the menu and I'm looking at the $75 to $100 steaks with +$15 for a potato and a +$25 for a salad and a +$9 for bread, and I'm listening to Mr Walrus bellowing for attention, and I'm listening the the racket at the bus station.  And my wife looks at me and says "what do you want?".  And I said "I want to get the fuck out of this shit hole".  And she says "really?".  And I say "you're fucking right, really".  And so we left.  One of the best dinner decisions I've ever made in my life.  I'm glad your experience was better. 

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:54 | Link to Comment NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Sounds like you got seated next to some unpleasant people, mainly.  I've never let that stop me.  I ask them to knock it off (politely).  If they don't, I 'request' to be reaseated (it's really not optional at that point- just that I ask in a courteous way).  Damned if I'm going to let an annoying ass ruin my meal.  

Funny we both expected an overstuffed, pretentious atmosphere (and were not disappointed).  I considered it part of the experience, given what I had been told about the place beforehand.  The tour of the wine cellar was so over-the-top (as were so many things about the place), I was in hog heaven.  I checked my work-a-day attitude at the door and just enjoyed it for what it was.  An acquired taste, I guess.

 

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 06:49 | Link to Comment greatbeard
greatbeard's picture

>> I was in hog heaven.

I am truly glad you had a good experience.  My recounting here wasn't meant as a dig at Berns really.  Obviously they have done a superb job over the years and deserve their reputation.  My "luck of the draw" seating assignment wasn't unusual for me.  I'm just very glad, to this day, that I made the decision I did.  Usually I just suck it up and take what comes my way.  In this instance I decided I wasn't going to take what was being served. Kudos to me.

Like I said, no dig meant to Berns, or you.  Your recount just reminded me of a humorous, now, evening.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:23 | Link to Comment lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

I hereby volunteer for guard duty.

Call me, Damon!

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:59 | Link to Comment rustymason
rustymason's picture

Awesome story.

Suspicious guest list, though. I guess some proceeds go to the Communist Party USA.

 

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:38 | Link to Comment The Heart
The Heart's picture

It's a good thing poor people will never have to worry about eating like that.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ranch...HERE IS THE WAY>>>>>>>>

http://www.activistpost.com/2013/12/bankers-arrested-civil-war-averted.html

Hopefully, the wait to bring ALL the evil banksters to the chopping blocks of justice will not be nearly as long as waiting in line for this high dollar what?

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:40 | Link to Comment Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

The point of my above post regards taking a (4) chair table and deteriorating profits on a $30.00 bill. Atomizer would spend 2+ hours blogging on ZH, those other 3 seats would not make the owner any money. That’s why I didn’t take up the hostess offer for a table. Boils down to complaining Marxist leeches and future entrepreneurs to jump start a poorly visioned country.

Tag, your it..

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 21:50 | Link to Comment Hongcha
Hongcha's picture

Buncha sourpusses here, honestly.  Let the guy rack up some coin already.  He works 3x as hard as me.  Yeah, it's hyped.

My best meal in years was December 27, 2010 at a Sichuan place on Ghost Street in Beijing ... they brought a bucket on wheels to the table and you picked the live fish.  Out it came 25 minutes later swimming in an unbelievable medley of spices.  Drank Baijou washed down with beer and I was fluent in Mandarin by the time I got up from the table.  

It was so hot yet so good, it was like a sauna for the stomach.  Almost a meditative experience.  I have not had near its like since.

A couple guys were really knocking it back at the table next to us and one of them asked the Maitre de if the restaurant had a driver ... apparently that's a feature any self-respecting booze-serving joint should have in Beijing!

The hangover was minimal the next day ... Baijou is known and coveted for that.  20 below outside.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 22:37 | Link to Comment Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

My mother cooked every day, and my grandmother cooked on weekend’s during visits. They all had the capability to cook as Iron Chiefs. Even my better half can cook for an army at pristine cooking expectations.

 

Fuck this guy. He is a faggot selling new cooking lessons for an era in which the women were told to work and use a microwave. Just my humble opinion. Most of us are lucky to have a woman that knows how to cook, opposed to creating debt on a shallow overpriced meal.

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 23:02 | Link to Comment Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Thank you for down voting me unknown person. You’re a faggot as well.

 

During the new times, you’ll not be served food and starve in a climate change snow drift.

http://www.suspicious0bservers.org/a21cs/

 

Good luck fuck knob! We cannot continue to help the stupid mouth breathers of Mother Earth.

Sun, 12/15/2013 - 00:30 | Link to Comment Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Thanks for two more. Your fear is on the next summit to educate the lambs. The power shift is going to happen. The next series of terrorism, and the other weaker uses of fear will delapaladate your current power and monetary illusionist who create money out of thin air.

Bring in your fire power so we can expose the lies. 

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