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Monday Humor: "New Normal" Retail Discounting

Tyler Durden's picture





 

When all else fails...

 

 


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Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:01 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

I'm guessing this is where that poor guy in the Chinese mall met his end?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:31 | Link to Comment Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

KK. You are on a roll in this tread. LOL.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:53 | Link to Comment sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

I make joke! (50% inflation is crazy)  But seriously, there is not inflation.  Inflation is with PRICES!  Nevermind that you get less and less of more and more cheaply-produced chemical product.  Carry on, everything is fine.*

 

*the new 11" Subway sandwich is now available for the incredible price of a footlong!+


+ the new 11" footlong price is only 5% more!**

 

**New 11" footlong subway sandwich now may contain genetically modified spinache! that may substitute for actual spinach.4

 

4 Spinache!, and all Subway brand food derivatives, are trademarked representations of food that have not been found to possess adverse health effects in pinky rats. 5

 

5 Spinache!, and all GMO products, are approved by many lawyers, scientists and the FDA that will gladly accept millions of dollars to find that such products are suitable for human consumption. 6

 

6 There is no inflation.


 

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 21:09 | Link to Comment RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

I went to public school, but wouldn't that actually be 100% inflation?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:30 | Link to Comment SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

shoes are like twins

they come in pairs

 

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:43 | Link to Comment stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Maybe that store will be the "sole" survivor on that block.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:51 | Link to Comment EscapingProgress
EscapingProgress's picture

When will we start seeing deals like this for stocks on the DOW and S&P?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 21:03 | Link to Comment stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

dow? s&p? fuhgettaboutit!

if you started buying silver at $40, today is your buy 1, get one free deal!

 

 

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:54 | Link to Comment Mentaliusanything
Mentaliusanything's picture

AAUGH my hearties, finally the Old Peg Leg gets cut a break. I be hobbling down right smart!

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:53 | Link to Comment stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

you better read the small (foot)print...

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:11 | Link to Comment Lost My Shorts
Lost My Shorts's picture

What they didn't mention is -- both are right shoes.  The fine print is a bitch.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:16 | Link to Comment new game
new game's picture

you can keep that free shoe if you like it...

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:33 | Link to Comment Offthebeach
Offthebeach's picture

The coming new normal will be home made tire sandals. Poorer people will have to go barefoot.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:59 | Link to Comment Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

Tire sandals are what people wear when they can't afford Crocs.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:02 | Link to Comment 666
666's picture

That's no good for me because I have 3 feet.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:07 | Link to Comment CCanuck
CCanuck's picture

666...Me too...but I only have to put shoes on two of them. ;-)

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:17 | Link to Comment unrulian
unrulian's picture

Canadians...we're not that smart... but when you people have sausage parties...we have salami parties

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:47 | Link to Comment EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

If the women don't find you handsome at least they can find you packing a salami.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:53 | Link to Comment max2205
max2205's picture

If you like your shoes...you can't keep your shoes

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:03 | Link to Comment Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Italian girl Gina gets married to Tony and when they were getting ready to go to bed that night she sees Tony unscrewing one of his feet off. Apparently he had lost a foot.

Gina gets a shock of her life and runs downstairs to her mother:

"Mama mama, Tony tooka his clothes off and he gotta  one foot." she screams.

Mama then rolls up her sleeves, pushes her daughter to the side and heads off up the stairs muttering: "This is a job for mama."

 

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:32 | Link to Comment UncleFurker
UncleFurker's picture

 

Fwaaaaaarp.

 

You're here all week, I hope?

 

 

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:04 | Link to Comment remain calm
remain calm's picture

I wonder if they are half price.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:09 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

The Lefts are. Rights are double.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:36 | Link to Comment notquantumdum
notquantumdum's picture

Does that add up to three halves or five halves, total?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:39 | Link to Comment MrTouchdown
MrTouchdown's picture

I used to play bass for a band called three halves stupid.. the universe is starting to come apart!

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:08 | Link to Comment Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Gawd I hate math that makes me take off my shoes...

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:10 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

I can get to 21 if I unzip...(ok, 20 1/2)

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:44 | Link to Comment WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

I'll have what you're having! LOL

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:21 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Yep, fed up with clients today, took the afternoon off, started early...be surprised if I make it past 9... :)

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:09 | Link to Comment SV
SV's picture

That's raaaacist against amputees.  They need deals too!

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:29 | Link to Comment OutLookingIn
OutLookingIn's picture

As in the movie "We Were Soldiers" when Galloway told the story of his G,G,Grandfathers, both vets of the civil war, one lost his left leg and the other his right, would meet once a year and go buy a pair of shoes, since both wore the same size! I wonder which one would be free?   

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:09 | Link to Comment Freddie
Freddie's picture

If you like your one shoe, you can keep your one shoe.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:14 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
Mon, 12/16/2013 - 21:50 | Link to Comment ImReady
ImReady's picture

Looks like someone is going to be asking for 2 front teeth this Christmas!

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:54 | Link to Comment Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

I've got a left shoe up for auction on ebay right now, a New Balance left shoe.  Please check it out. 

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 22:26 | Link to Comment Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

I'm serious.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:10 | Link to Comment Number 156
Number 156's picture

What is the store owner going to do with all the unpurchased left shoes?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:28 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Sell them to women named Peg...or guys named Skip.

Tue, 12/17/2013 - 15:51 | Link to Comment Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

Ilean

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:17 | Link to Comment docmac324
docmac324's picture

At least it was all spelled correctly..

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:15 | Link to Comment wackydog
wackydog's picture

I guess that's a POGO sale...

pay for one... get one....

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:19 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

waiting for the 100% off sale

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 21:07 | Link to Comment imbrbing
imbrbing's picture

Comes with a free rock to bust said window to get free shoe.....oh wait thats SHTF scenerio. Everything

is free then. Go long rocks!

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:21 | Link to Comment tradewithdave
tradewithdave's picture

You fail to understanding the cultural significance of shoe throwing... at presidents... Duh.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:36 | Link to Comment U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

This helps with 'bring a friend night'

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:28 | Link to Comment notquantumdum
notquantumdum's picture

So would the one-legged person be able to buy only one at half price?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:26 | Link to Comment CHX
CHX's picture

With shrinking food packages at same price it's more like "2 4 3"

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:31 | Link to Comment OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

*Some fees for laces may apply

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:33 | Link to Comment Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

What's their return policy ?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:31 | Link to Comment W74
W74's picture

This bodes well for those who lost limbs while destabilizing the middle east for what they thought was the benefit of their own country.

Fuck Oil.  Fuck Kikes.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:32 | Link to Comment U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

D'OH! I'm There!

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:47 | Link to Comment Orly
Orly's picture

Still, there's nothing like a BOGO!

:D

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:51 | Link to Comment Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Two hobos meet on the road and one notices that the other has only one shoe on.

"Hey man, you lost a shoe?"

"No brother I just found one."

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 19:50 | Link to Comment booboo
booboo's picture

My local VFW needs to load up a bus, there be 8 guy at the bar and only 9 legs, the daytime bartender has all his limbs but only half a brain.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:00 | Link to Comment Orly
Orly's picture

Yeah.  The professional bartenders really don't start work until after three, so...

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:02 | Link to Comment Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Black man walks into shoe shop and asks for a size 3 shoe for his little boy which he buys.

Two weeks later he walks in and asks for a size four shoes which the same female assistant gets for him and which he buys.

Three weeks later he walks in and asks for a pair of shoes for his little boy.

"Size 5?" the lady asks

"No"he says. "Size 2 this time."

"Oh", the female assistant says. "Do you have another little boy?"

"No, we just thought we should cut his toe nails."

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:01 | Link to Comment Orly
Orly's picture

Hark! Was that another slam-down in the eMinis?  Cascade a-comin'?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:05 | Link to Comment Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

A retailer of shoes goes to open his shop one day and notices that another shoe shop has opened next door to his left with a big sign saying, "50% off" above the door way.

The next day he arrives and sees that to his right another shoe shop opened up with the sign 50% discount" above the doorway.

The poor old shoe retailer could not offer such discounts so on the third day he opened up his shop with a big sign above his doorway saying, "MAIN ENTRANCE". 

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 21:24 | Link to Comment mobtown
mobtown's picture

I'm waiting for the sale at Victoria's Secret when bras are all half-off.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:14 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Speaking of shopping.  Schiff takes on Walmart shoppers on $15 per hour wages: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLr5oWfoWRY It's like turning on the lights in a NYC apartment; watch'em scatter...

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:18 | Link to Comment Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

People were mostly in favour of higher wages for Walmart employees.

Perhaps Schiff should have asked if they would be in favour of stopping imports and making the stuff in the USA so they could all have work.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:26 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Yes, but not paying for it.  That AND an increase from paying American wages would be a tough row to hoe, but yeah, if we don't get back to making things here there won't be enough decent jobs to support the consumption, at any price.  Given the manipulation of the dollar, inflation, and wholesale abuse in the banking/investment circles, there won't be many escapes for the 99%/95%/90%, etc.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 20:24 | Link to Comment notquantumdum
notquantumdum's picture

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 21:11 | Link to Comment Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

And the rest of us are wondering why we never got a glass.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 21:33 | Link to Comment notquantumdum
notquantumdum's picture

'How has one ever "got"[ten] anything ['other than through trading what is perceived as "equal value" with someone, if not perceived by both parties [hopefully], somehow . . . I would suggest . . . that is . . . when they still allow that, by "law"]?

The only other apparent way would be through hard effort, right!!!?

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 21:54 | Link to Comment Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Unless you go into banking as a vocation. Then you can legally steal two half empty/full glasses from others, pour the liquid into one of them, and be one of the few in the world with a full glass.

And the second glass? Keep it - it's a repo.

Mon, 12/16/2013 - 22:11 | Link to Comment notquantumdum
notquantumdum's picture

'good point . . . 'forgot about being a crook [when that is what is happening].

Tue, 12/17/2013 - 08:39 | Link to Comment CJHames
CJHames's picture

As seen in the book "Shopping For Liberal Dummies."

Tue, 12/17/2013 - 10:56 | Link to Comment d edwards
d edwards's picture

Krugman told 0bama this would be a way to stimulate business.

Tue, 12/17/2013 - 10:29 | Link to Comment esum
esum's picture

size 18 high heels only

buy 1 shoe 1 free = full price where i'm from

however Jos A Bank is def where  the real bargains are .......

and dont forget the other one YOURE GONNA LIKE HOW YOU LOOK

but I can t look you in the eye

 

 

Tue, 12/17/2013 - 16:00 | Link to Comment Black Warrior W...
Black Warrior Waterdog's picture

Captain Ahab is all in at that joint.

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