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The Top 10 Highlights Of "Proud" Bernanke Press Conference

Tyler Durden's picture





 

While admitting that the Fed "doesn't fully understand" all the reasons behind the slower pace of growth (though it could be due to "bad luck"), the following 10 statements from Ben Bernanke's final press conference seemed to sum up perfectly the message he wants everyone to understand (and perhaps some he doesn't)...

*BERNANKE REPEATS TAPERING DATA-DEPENDENT (we can always come back)

*BERNANKE INFLATION CANNOT BE PICKED UP AND MOVED WHERE WANTED (hhmm)

*BERNANKE SAYS MONETARY POLICY ISN'T A PANACEA (wait what?)

*BERNANKE SAYS ACTION TODAY INTENDED TO MAINTAIN ACCOMMODATION (ok great)

*BERNANKE SEES CONCERNS OF QE IMPACT ON ASSET PRICES (but no bubbles right?)

*BERNANKE REITERATES HE WAS 'SLOW TO RECOGNIZE THE CRISIS' (but you got it this time right?)

*BERNANKE SEES FED FUNDS RATE BETTER TOOL THAN QE (not for the equity markets it would seem)

*BERNANKE SAYS BIGGER BALANCE SHEET INCREASES POTENTIAL QE COSTS (indeed)

*BERNANKE FED CAN'T IGNORE FINANCIAL STABILITY IN MAKING POLICY (but chooses to)

 

And the money shot for success...

"It requires, obviously, some luck and some good policy."

 


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Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:39 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

One last thing. It's stock, not flow.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:45 | Link to Comment ss123
ss123's picture

Why is Ford (F) down over 6% on this glorious day?! Nobody buys autos in a surging economy? /s

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:48 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

*BERNANKE: SP 500 UP +26.9% YTD, GOLD DOWN -27.5% YTD, MY WORK HERE IS DONE

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:50 | Link to Comment Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

 

"It requires, obviously, some luck and some good policy."

 

Well i'll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best then

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:03 | Link to Comment negative rates
negative rates's picture

Setting the pace was always the goal, what sets us apart is another story.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 19:00 | Link to Comment CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

BERNANKE INFLATION CANNOT BE PICKED UP AND MOVED WHERE WANTED (hhmm)

 

I seem to recall "if inflation gets out of control, can you manage it?"  "Yes, in 15 minutes."

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 18:26 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Coulda, woulda, shoulda... Those who listened to Ben, are UP 27%

Coulda, woulda, shoulda... Those listened to ZH/Goldbugs ("Fight the Fed!"), are DOWN 27%.  Delta = 54%

Still wanna "Fight the Fed"?  Who's your daddy now!?

In the future, I suggest we stick to time-proven basics:  ALLOCATE/DIVERSIFY & BALANCE RISK.  Or pay the piper, MFers.

p.s. Junk away and take out your rage on the Messenger, if it makes you feel better.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 19:00 | Link to Comment CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

Except that buying what the Fed was buying put you into bonds this year.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 19:00 | Link to Comment hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

once there was a way...to get back homeward...once there was a way...to get back home...sleep pretty darling do nto cry...and i will sing a lullabyeee...

you are right..crime pays

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:49 | Link to Comment OutLookingIn
OutLookingIn's picture

...and he stuck in his thumb and pulled out a...

and said; "What a good boy I'am!"

Good luck and Goodbye! I'm outta here.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:40 | Link to Comment max2205
max2205's picture

Ha ha

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:41 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

What an asshole....fuk U Bernank!

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 19:36 | Link to Comment Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Only thing I would of changed from the meeting is giving Bernanke a sword to fall on.

One would have to have a rope as backup because you know he isn't the kind of guy to owns up to his failures...

What a fucking joke our government has become, I wonder who will pin a medal to his chest first.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:44 | Link to Comment Obchelli
Obchelli's picture

Who cares? Bullish!!! Shorts (myself included) ruined.
Market just does 180 degree oposite of what is expected 

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:44 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Even when you guess right, you're completely wrong.....I'm not even trying as I don't have a FED lapel pin, the only way you can be on the right side.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:45 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

skynet

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:45 | Link to Comment firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

You want to short this market?  Just sell any long positions and convert it to PM's.  That is the only way to do it with Fed backed short squeezes a daily occurence.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:46 | Link to Comment Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

What you have just written is a textbook definition between wisdom and intelligence. 

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:56 | Link to Comment Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

EUR/JPY WTF? You did not get a ticket to the party? Just sitting there jerking off in the corner. It is a bitch to be stranded.... just ask the Aussie.

I used to be risk on! Bwahhhhhhh 

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:49 | Link to Comment AngelEyes00
AngelEyes00's picture

Yeah, I don't get it.  Taper was suppose to dump the market, but instead it rallies big time?  Even a flat response would have been unexpected. 

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:59 | Link to Comment firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

What is this taper that you're refering to? 85+infinity = infinity, just as 75+infinity=infinity

Tapering will begin when they put a limit on their buying/balance sheet expansion.  Also prices will hold static until they reduce their balance sheet, thats when the dump will take place. http://marketshadows.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Fed-Balance-Sheet-VS-SP500-112013.png

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:26 | Link to Comment YC2
YC2's picture

right I think you could see it as 85x(number of months till 6.5% UE)<75x(number of months till well below 6.5% UE)

 

 

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:44 | Link to Comment Yikes
Yikes's picture

I've got another one.  He believes we've had "extraordinary tight fiscal policy, especally during a recovery" 

 

Chew on that one for awhile.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:42 | Link to Comment NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

"you may be sure that your sin will find you out"

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:45 | Link to Comment Obchelli
Obchelli's picture

It's still beyond me how did they manage to get away with everything they did...

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:47 | Link to Comment SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Just shows what a rigged game absolutely everything is.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:51 | Link to Comment AngelEyes00
AngelEyes00's picture

"It's still beyond me how did they manage to get away with everything they did..."

In the words of the parking lot attendant in a Seinfeld episode, "That's what I'd like to know about it."

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:43 | Link to Comment Fiat Burner
Fiat Burner's picture

PANIC! MUST BUY STOCKS BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!!

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:43 | Link to Comment thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

wheres the highlight of him fucking dying that fucking bastard?

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:43 | Link to Comment mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

One last thing- it's impact, not velocity.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:44 | Link to Comment disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"the Sphinxer" says "say hello to the my sphincter bitchez." gold gets SMASHED. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1dY9bHAfAk

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 18:14 | Link to Comment LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Smashed?  Wake me when it's under $300 an ounce again and sell it, sell it all...

to me.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:46 | Link to Comment Cursive
Cursive's picture

BernanQE can't move inflation?  WTF?  What happened to his 15 minutes bullshit?  And his proverbial helicopter?  May he hang from his own lamp post of hubris.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:46 | Link to Comment Luckhasit
Luckhasit's picture

Why can I see Big Ben in bellbottoms and platform shoes going Rick James behind the scenes and saying "Fuck yo economy nigga, fuck yo economy!".  

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:37 | Link to Comment Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

And Rick James saying:  What? I'm Rick James, Bitch!

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:46 | Link to Comment shanearthur
shanearthur's picture

So, they announced they WILL taper next month. Why not today? Why say what you plan to do? I'm trying to wonder what political, not ecomomic, reason could be at play for this decision. Any theories?

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:10 | Link to Comment AngelEyes00
AngelEyes00's picture

"So, they announced they WILL taper next month. Why not today?"

Because everything gets aired out before it actually happens these days for fear of committing without knowing the reaction. 

It's like saying to a girl on a first date as you pull her closer, in which you aren't sure where you stand, "Might be nice to kiss?" to test the waters, instead of lurching towards her lips and maybe getting the pull back. 

That way she has the option of affirming or abstaining and you don't suffer an unnecessary rejection, but you also give yourself the chance for some fun, just as bernanke/Yellen have the option of reversing course, without the economy tanking, but also give tapering a chance which will let them off the hook of what was beginning to look like a trap.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:46 | Link to Comment sixsigma cygnus...
sixsigma cygnusatratus's picture

It really felt like watching a magic show.  I'm surprised he didn't try to pull a hundred bucks out from behind one of the reporters' ears.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:50 | Link to Comment firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Love how ES hit 1800 like a magnet attracting iron.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:53 | Link to Comment Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

What is up with equities? They announce the tapering and the DOW goes up 250+ points? Gold is now tanking but silver isn't? Did they arrange for some back door pomo action as cover for the tapering? WTF?

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:53 | Link to Comment irie1029
irie1029's picture

The problem is low skill jobs are long gone.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 18:56 | Link to Comment hooligan2009
hooligan2009's picture

i'd rather be well hung than lucky ;)

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:56 | Link to Comment AL_SWEARENGEN
AL_SWEARENGEN's picture

I'd rather be lucky than smart.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:56 | Link to Comment RobertC
RobertC's picture

Well, the Keynesian stimulus experiment failed...I don't think they should try it again.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:56 | Link to Comment moneybots
moneybots's picture

"BERNANKE INFLATION CANNOT BE PICKED UP AND MOVED WHERE WANTED"

 

Didn't he want it in the stock market?

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:59 | Link to Comment moneybots
moneybots's picture

"BERNANKE SAYS MONETARY POLICY ISN'T A PANACEA"

 

He wrote in 1988, that QE doesn't work.  He is proving himself right, to the sole benefit of his constituents.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 16:59 | Link to Comment Patriot Pete
Patriot Pete's picture

Must hit +300 points on Dow!

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:02 | Link to Comment moneybots
moneybots's picture

"BERNANKE REITERATES HE WAS 'SLOW TO RECOGNIZE THE CRISIS'"

 

The one he is driving us toward?

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:08 | Link to Comment negative rates
negative rates's picture

Look up, it's his golden parachute commin to ya.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:07 | Link to Comment Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

oh yeah we'll only print 75bl a month as from next month ... as you'll all see when auditing the fed NOOOOOOOOT. Bullshit, give me that balance sheet, i want to see the real one sucker !

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:08 | Link to Comment moneybots
moneybots's picture

"BERNANKE SEES FED FUNDS RATE BETTER TOOL THAN QE"

 

Bernanke saw that in 1988, when he wrote QE doesn't work.

 

Obviously, there was an ulterior motive for doing QE.  Who got richer?

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:13 | Link to Comment moneybots
moneybots's picture

"It requires, obviously, some luck and some good policy."

 

A hundred years and we are still waiting for good policy.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:38 | Link to Comment TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

Bernanke is such a whiner----all the Fed's poor outcomes are due to BAD LUCK! 

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:35 | Link to Comment TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

I hope history gives Bernanke the recognition he deserves-----FUC! BERNANKE!!!!!!

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:36 | Link to Comment moneybots
moneybots's picture

"BERNANKE REPEATS TAPERING DATA-DEPENDENT"

"BERNANKE SEES FED FUNDS RATE BETTER TOOL THAN QE"

 

Non sequitor.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:39 | Link to Comment MuleRider
MuleRider's picture

""It requires, obviously, some luck...."

Fodder for those who say the market is little more than a big roulette wheel....

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:42 | Link to Comment GreatUncle
GreatUncle's picture

Reckon announce the taper, wall street obligingly supports because it possibly needs punters.

Depends on how broke the first go round did to all the punters wether it works or not.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 17:52 | Link to Comment q99x2
q99x2's picture

There is no justice to harsh for the ChairSatan.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 18:05 | Link to Comment TheRideNeverEnds
TheRideNeverEnds's picture

So his closing statement was basically "good luck next year, you are going to need it" 

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 18:05 | Link to Comment Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

On the occasion of the final appearance of the Great Berflunke, the steroid-jacked bull gets a cattle prod in the sensitive parts and "gold" gets a boot on the throat.

Wed, 12/18/2013 - 19:31 | Link to Comment steveo77
steveo77's picture

What if the shit doesnt hit the fan?

Thu, 12/19/2013 - 01:47 | Link to Comment Youri Carma
Youri Carma's picture

What Bernanke meant with his *BERNANKE INFLATION CANNOT BE PICKED UP AND MOVED WHERE WANTED remark:

Consumer Prices Steady in U.S. as Fed Weighs QE Taper: Economy
17 December 2013, by Michelle Jamrisko (Bloomberg)
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/print/2013-12-17/consumer-prices-in-u-s-unchanged-in-november-on-cheaper-energy.html

TIPS Wipeout Signals Fed Losing Fight Against Disinflation
16 December 2013, by Susanne Walker and Daniel Kruger (Bloomberg)
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/print/2013-12-16/tips-wipeout-signals-fed-losing-fight-against-u-s-disinflation.html

Wholesale Prices in U.S. Fell for Third Month in November
13 December 2013, by Michelle Jamrisko (Bloomberg)
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/print/2013-12-13/wholesale-prices-in-u-s-declined-for-third-month-in-november.html

Thu, 12/19/2013 - 06:42 | Link to Comment Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

What little I saw of him speaking yesterday, seemed he kept sizing up the quickest possible exit from the room.

And if he's so proud why the quivering voice?

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