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Art Cashin's Poetic 2013 Summary

Tyler Durden's picture


From Paula Dean and twerking to Drones and Duck Dynasty with a peotic sprinkling of Mandela, Thatcher, "if you like it you can keep it", and government shutdown; UBS' avuncular floor director Art Cashin unleashes his latest ode with a subtle reminder of the most important 'word' for 2013 - FOMO - "fear of missing out."


Via Art Cashin,

'Tis two days yet to New Year

but despite what you’re hopin’

The folks in the Board Room

say “the full Eve we'll stay open”


So we'll buy and we'll sell

as the tape crawls along

And though "Bubbly's" verboten

we may still sing a song


Two Thousand Thirteen

had some spots of high hopes

They may get fumbled away

by those Washington dopes


A brief government shutdown

pushed sides further apart

Let’s all hope things improve

as the New Year we start


"If you like it you can keep it"

we heard the President quip

When that didn’t work out

in the polls he did slip


We lost special people

as we seem to each year

It just makes us treasure

each one that’s still here


Mandela and Thatcher

they reshaped their times

They’ll now regale the angels

backed by heavenly chimes


And Peter O’Toole

with his steely blue eyes

Joined the great Joan Fontaine

in God’s still bluer skies


Jean Stapleton’s “Edith”

has joined Archie on high

And author Tom Clancy

chose October to die


Ed Koch now asks angels

his set quote, “How’m I doin”

Gone is Hugo Chavez

who brought his nation to ruin


Helen Thomas asks questions

of St. Peter these days

Also Frank Lautenberg

left his senator’s ways


Jim Hall, jazz guitarist,

played his final great note

Richie Havens, quite different

is now in the same boat


Ray Harryhausen, who

created creatures unreal

Joined Jonathan Winters

every scene he would steal


Van Cliburn’s piano

angels hear without faults

As Patti Page sings them

the old Tennessee Waltz


And Frost re-met Nixon

midst the clouds they’ll debate

While Tony Soprano

while in Rome met his fate


Scott Carpenter and angels

now together will sup

Roger Ebert gave the harp

a quite hearty thumbs up


Esther Williams swam off

Eydie Gorme took a bow

And Annette Funicello

has joined them both now


And Doctor Joyce Brothers

bid her clients goodbye

While “Dear Abby” Van Buren

gives advice from on high


In Boston, two brothers

put some bombs in a crowd

Although hundreds were injured

that great town stayed unbowed


Wild fires aplenty

burned in state after state

Elsewhere came tornadoes

seems Mother Nature’s irate


The Philippines saw a cyclone

winds of 200 miles

Caused immense devastation

to those once lovely isles


A Bangladesh building

did collapse in the spring

Though a thousand folks died

few reforms did it bring


In Syria, chemicals

wiped out a whole town

In a mall in Nairobi

scores of folks were mowed down


FOMO is a slogan

it’s “fear of missing out”

Now we’re all self-absorbed

that’s what that’s all about


Wall Street saw stocks soar

but Main Street stayed slow

As the Fed starts to taper

we’ll see just how things go


Jeff Bezos announced

a new delivery drone

Edward Snowden revealed

that we’d tapped Merkel’s phone


Prince George did arrive

of pictures there was no lack

and sweet tooths were quite pleased

to see Twinkies come back


Paula Deen fell from grace

for some things she once said

The Duck Dynasty guy

made some people turn red


Former Hannah Montana

shocked some fans with a twerk

In Toronto the mayor

some folks called a jerk


Let not this year's memories

of sadness or sleaze

Disturb you this day

just give your heart ease


Have faith that this New Year

will bring a new sign

And believe in yourself

it will all work out fine


Just lift up your spirits

and some fruit of the vine

And kiss ye a loved one

and sing Auld Lange Syne


And late Tuesday evening

as you watch the ball fall

Wish yourself all the best

Happy New Year to All!!


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Mon, 12/30/2013 - 10:31 | 4284971 ugmug
ugmug's picture

Drop the damn ball already, err I mean hammer, on this charade called Wall Street......

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 10:56 | 4285007 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

will Art pull out that dow 10k hat this year when we finally drop back below?

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 12:54 | 4285459 CognacAndMencken
CognacAndMencken's picture



Wishing you a great holiday season, Art.  Your commentary is always a joy to read.



Mon, 12/30/2013 - 10:32 | 4284973 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Nice to see Art's a bit of a music buff.

You know the first draft of this thing had Annette Funicello going "tits up".

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 11:16 | 4284976 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

TS;DR = Too stupid;didn't read

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 10:32 | 4284980 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture

I'm pretty sure that Communist apparatchik murderer/bomber terrorist Nelson Mandela is definetly NOT regaling the angels in heaven right now. 

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 10:44 | 4284990 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

And Boston isn't unbowed, did you see the way they were pulling people out of their houses?  They bowed right down to unconstitutional searches of their houses.  I'd call that bowed.

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 10:58 | 4285008 Osmium
Osmium's picture

Boston "Strong-Armed"?

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 12:17 | 4285279 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Governor Deval Patrick of MA. Patrick was Bill Clinton's Justice Dept.'s cheif civil rights prosecuter.

A pathetic human being. 

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 14:26 | 4285827 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Recycled constitution violating criminals.

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 11:48 | 4285137 Laughing Stock
Laughing Stock's picture

Go join Mark Haines you fat fucking drunk!

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 13:06 | 4285523 smartstrike
smartstrike's picture

This guy was one of the original CNBC cheerleaders, one of the biggest whores on NYSE. His official job is a floor walker(Dir of Floor Operations at NYSE) for UBS, can't make this up.

Mon, 12/30/2013 - 19:47 | 4286837 malek
malek's picture

Nixon midst the clouds? (a/k/a heavens)

I do hope not.

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