The Complete Guide To How The NSA Hacked Everything

Tyler Durden's picture


Two days ago we observed the latest disclosure in the seemingly endless Snowden treasure trove of leaked NSA files, when Spiegel released the broad details of the NSA's Access Network Technology (ANT) catalog explaining how virtually every hardware architecture in the world has been hacked by the US superspies. We followed up with a close up of "Dropout Jeep" - the NSA's project codename for backdoor entry into every iPhone ever handed out to the Apple Borg collective (because it makes you look cool). Today, we step back from Apple and release the full ANT catalog showcasing the blueprints of how the NSA managed to insert a backdoor into virtually every piece of hardware known under the sun.

And so, without further ado, here is the complete slidebook of how the NSA hacked, well, everything.

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Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:13 | 4289629 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

So, they already know what's inside my box of CrackerJacks...?

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:16 | 4289644 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture



Names and addresses of all the liars, spies, thieves and scum please.


Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:23 | 4289661 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

"... the NSA managed to insert a backdoor into virtually every piece of hardware known under the sun."


Except the iCamel ironically... the favorite mode of transportation for Al Qaeda militants everywhere. Apparently the planned "backdoor" instalation procedure could not find enough field operatives with extremely long arms...

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:28 | 4289671 fonestar
fonestar's picture

I don't know if I would call any of this "hacking".  All they did was went to the developers of these companies and worked with them from the start to gain access.  Seems like the NSA is a bunch of script-kiddies, not hackers.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:40 | 4289705 knukles
knukles's picture

Of all the information sources before encryption, the NSA had to barge in here.

Guys, I been telling ya for years.
If it's connected to the ether-space, they own it.

Another Conspiracy Theory shot to shit, to Conspiracy Fact.

To all you Doubting Thomas's out there, like my buds told me, they front and back end run everything. pre and post encryption... and then decrypt  the rest at their leisure.
Been sayin' that for years.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:01 | 4289751 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Its not paranoia if they really are spying on you.

I'll leave the obvious underlying BitStory on this alone...but they've never been able to bug my precious ;-)

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:25 | 4289802 fonestar
fonestar's picture

Using hyperspectral imaging your stash of shiny metals can be easily discovered.  

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:46 | 4289839 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture


Wed, 01/01/2014 - 15:09 | 4291175 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Only defense against all powerful government is incompetence of same.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 20:03 | 4289860 nmewn
nmewn's picture

ROTFL!!!...they may be just looking at my stash of lead.

Furthermore, can they just "teleport" it into their BitWallet off the lake & swamp bottoms through the ether like your digitized crap or do they actually have to bust a move on it? ;-)

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 21:46 | 4290078 fonestar
fonestar's picture

Lead is easily distinguished from gold and silver, this is not new technology.  And Bitcoin is much more easily transported (smuggled) than physical gold and silver.

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 09:51 | 4290627 nmewn
nmewn's picture

That is a flaw as well as a feature fonestar, depending on the circumstances.

Just ask the people in Cyprus.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:29 | 4289803 inca
inca's picture

30c3: To Protect And Infect,
-“The Militarization of the Internet”

Video+more here:

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 20:17 | 4289888 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

It was always military. All those AOL disks in everyone's mailbox just got folks confused.

Imagine being on a farm. And being in a cage. And thinking about tomorrow. And being in a cage. And thinking about tomorrow. And being in a cage. And thinking about tomorrow.

But never really pondering the role of the farmer.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 21:42 | 4290046 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

 Siri spelled backwards is iris (eye)= illuminati bullshit.


Illimunati spelled backwards is itanumilli = www.itanimilli (dot) com...put that in your brower and wait for it, wait, yup, it's the NSA website.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 22:36 | 4290168 Jerome Lester H...
Jerome Lester Horwitz's picture

A fellow by the name of John Fenley of Provo, Utah purchased the domain and purposely redirects it to the NSA homepage. Come on, this is old news and not nefarious. Plus you spelled your link incorrectly. Happy New Year!

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 22:57 | 4290193 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

LOL, burrp, Cheers and a Happy New Year!!!

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 15:12 | 4291179 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Three name I enjoy; John, Fenley, and Provo.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 01:50 | 4295733 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture
Defcon 18 - Practical Cellphone Spying - Chris Paget -

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 11:49 | 4290741 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Does one go there to turn oneself in? Can you reserve a spot in a nearby FEMA camp on that site? Can I call in a drone strike on myself there?

Go there at your own risk.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 22:16 | 4290134 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Howd you know my name is Thomas ???

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 04:56 | 4290496 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Time to upgrade the ol' Commodore-C64.  Should they bother to listen in, they'll die from old age before the C64 is done transmitting! :>D

Guess these jokers never saw/read "The Anderson Tapes"

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:21 | 4289784 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

I question why they release this. First, as you can tell fonestar, this is all 5 years old, and seems to be their basic hack'n'stack tools. Second, this is all basic IP redirect tools that have been seen, only people outside of IT would be surprised to hear of it's existance. I still think Snowden is part of some larger plan, and the leaks are more of a probe to see what people will get outraged about. From my experience with my family, who I have explained how this was happening for years and was labeled a "nutjob," just shrugged it off. Fantasy football anyone?

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:32 | 4289809 fonestar
fonestar's picture

I am not sure myself whether Snowden is the real deal or a perception management tool towards a total police state.  But it does seem that the majority of people do not care, or at least have not altered their behaviour in light of these revelations.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:39 | 4289821 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

Seems like the NSA is a bunch of script-kiddies, not hackers.

You're clueless. 

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:44 | 4289829 fonestar
fonestar's picture

Refute a single thing I have said.  What did the NSA hack?

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 20:19 | 4289902 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

Most hacking is done face to face and with the other person clueless about who the actual mark is. At this point we no idea who the mark is.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 22:57 | 4290200 doctor10
doctor10's picture

Like the man said, if you enter a poker game and you don’t see a sucker, get up and leave – you’re it.

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 15:19 | 4291182 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

What man is say that??

Side bar: No 20000+ Asia "women" is tantalize Boris! Please to go away! Click to make ad go away but is only come in more!

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 02:59 | 4290454 ForTheWorld
ForTheWorld's picture

That's not hacking. That's called social engineering.

Thu, 01/02/2014 - 20:10 | 4294883 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Social engineering is hacking.  It is the ballsiest kind - face to face, per se.

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 09:34 | 4290620 tmosley
tmosley's picture

Is it really social engineering when thugs with badges show up and tell you to give them access and that if you don't they'll railroad you on kiddie porn possession? 

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 18:07 | 4291551 CH1
CH1's picture

No, that's a mobster shakedown.

The companies were supposed to close up shop rather than sell out their customers. The owners of those companies are lying assholes. Gutless degenerates.

Levar Levison did it the honorable way.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:28 | 4289673 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Now that I'd like to see...,

some NSA dude reaching inside the backdoor of a camel.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 20:38 | 4289947 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

know your camels.  and remember who the 'bedouins' became.  this is a lot of fun for you guys!!  happy new years. and the article is incorrect actually, it's not the pebbles preventing anything, it's the later irritation causing mis-carriage. best i could find on the internet.

Modern IUD was created by Ernest Graftenberg in the early 1960’s. However, back in the days Arab Bedouins used first IUDs on their camels. For the camel not to get pregnant on the long journey across the desert, they used to place pebbles into camels uterus, thus making it difficult for the sperm to reach an egg.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 20:48 | 4289969 knukles
knukles's picture

The English back in the days of old when they owned most of the world learned of goat intestine being used and prophylactics.  Their improvement was to remove the intestine from the goat before use.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 20:55 | 4289975 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Screwin a dead goat is even worse. No?

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 21:17 | 4290024 varnelius
varnelius's picture

You can't beat a dead horse, but you can...

Oh, oops.  Nevermind.

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 00:07 | 4290318 Dr. Destructo
Dr. Destructo's picture

Depends on the alternative.

What are my options?

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:17 | 4289645 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

what if this a lie? or worse..."just a pile of bullshit that everyone is doing right now but we're just gonna single out the NSA for some stupid reason."

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:30 | 4289650 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Your car?

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:39 | 4289709 knukles
knukles's picture

If its connected to the ether....

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:59 | 4289747 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Perhaps it's time to install a hand-operated emergency ejector seat in case I come down with a bad case of 'Boston Brakes'...

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 22:21 | 4290136 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Even a 71 Dodge Dart, where the road can be seen between your feet ???

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:38 | 4289707 VD
VD's picture





Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:15 | 4289643 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Nothing to worry about. All super powers have done same thing before collapsing. How long $ can hold its breath when water is far above the head is question to ponder about.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 18:29 | 4289675 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

well...let's see what our Super Hero's are up to so that we might be saved somehow/someway:

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:22 | 4289792 Rentier
Rentier's picture

Only looks like they hacked server BIOS and other commercial appliances (Cisco).  Not desktop boxes.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:42 | 4289831 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

Only looks like they hacked server BIOS and other commercial appliances (Cisco).  Not desktop boxes.

Your data flows through servers.  The server is an efficient gathering point for your communications.

Tue, 12/31/2013 - 19:29 | 4289804 D7z
D7z's picture

30c3 stream with applebaum, about this document and explaining it, kinda must see to believe how far they might be...

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