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It's Pancakedemonium: IHOP Brings Back "All You Can Eat Pancakes"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

As we reported earlier, 1.5 billion adults around the world, or a whopping one in three, are obese or overweight. But, as any marketer will tell you, this is merely an untapped opportunity: it simply means that two out of three are still "unobese". And doing its best to hit the goal of 100% obesity, is IHOP which, for the first time in more than two years, has just unleashed Pancake Pandemonium: "You can choose a stack of five Buttermilk pancakes as a main course or you can opt to add them to a combo which features eggs any style, hash browns, and a choice of pork sausage links, bacon, or ham." Remember: "With authentic country flavor, our fluffy buttermilk pancakes are the signature favorite we’re famous for. Order early and often—All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes are unlimited!"

Wait, what are America's healthcare costs again?

Why, at $852 billion or 25% of all government spending, only the single biggest item in the entire US budget. And rising exponentially.

Oh well, that means it is some other generation's problems. But for now, the tapped out US consumer must be fed (any similarity between the verb and an identically spelled noun is purely accidental).

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Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:51 | 4298059 VD
VD's picture

does IHOP accept EBTz¿¿¿

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:52 | 4298066 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

Mmmmm....pancakes....

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:57 | 4298084 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Which box do i match the purple an brown boxes with?

Hep, i strugglin.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:07 | 4298108 markmotive
markmotive's picture

Fatten them up. Make them stupid and dependent.

Then turn them into slaves.

http://www.planbeconomics.com/2013/10/the-handbook-of-human-ownership-ma...

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:35 | 4298165 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

What's in that 'syrup'? 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:40 | 4298188 akak
akak's picture

Probably mostly extremely high fructose corn syrup, with a bit of artificial maple flavor derived from the synthesis of trans fats with monosodium glutamate.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:52 | 4298221 Leonardo Fibonacci2
Leonardo Fibonacci2's picture

With cancer causing molecules to keep Obamacare running...... But people will die anyways cause their care is too expensive.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:25 | 4298293 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

But it looks like the investors are bullish! Bullish I tell you, bullish!

http://data.cnbc.com/quotes/DIN

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:44 | 4298348 economics9698
economics9698's picture

The Waffle House pecan waffle with butter and maple syrup has the I-Hop pancake stack beat hands down.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:31 | 4298492 Unpopular Truth
Unpopular Truth's picture

do they accept bitcoins?

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 23:09 | 4298696 Big Slick
Sat, 01/04/2014 - 09:22 | 4299472 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone once equated NANNERPUSS with G/S, calling it 'a giant pancake-sucking squid'.

I love the part where he flicks his own eye off!

Of course, we gonna have to borrow 650 billion squidbuks this year...BUT, ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT GMO's for EVERYONE!

Fricking TWILIGHT ZONE economics...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C40exiOH9XE

 

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 07:06 | 4299350 monkeyshine
monkeyshine's picture

In fact I am bullish on this one over the coming years

http://finance.yahoo.com/q/pr?s=ARNA+Profile

 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:31 | 4298311 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

All you can eat pancakes cost about as much to make as all you can drink icewater.

Even if you're a cooking-retard you can buy a box of Bisquick (not my recommended way- start from scratch is preferred AND cheaper- but it'll do in a pinch), add some milk and an egg and make your own for cheap.  I've even made them with nothing but Bisquick and WATER and it still works, but it's a bit bland.  It costs about as much to heat the griddle as the ingredients cost.  Should cost about a buck a head to satisfy most people, plus the cost to heat the griddle.  And they're freaking fun to make if you want to add some fresh fruit to the mix (blueberries are my favorite since I was a kid).

If you have never tried to cook for yourself, you're really missing out.  Forget the cost savings, anything you make yourself is going to taste better and probably be better for you than eating at a restaurant or (worse yet) throwing some prepared food in the microwave.  With a million recipes at your fingertips via Google search, you really have no excuse not to try it.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:33 | 4298329 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Does IHOP have any restaurants in Colorado?  If so, they may want to re-think this strategy.  I hear they legalized pot in that state.  Just sayin...

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 10:35 | 4299566 Smiley
Smiley's picture

The syrup IS people...

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:00 | 4298096 jekyll island
jekyll island's picture

I was working in the ER last week and this 400 pound guy almost fell over on me. He was in acute renal failure from his hypertension. Honestly thought I was going to get seriously injured. Oh, try putting a dialysis catheter in someone that big. People sometimes just die because they are too fat, cannot overcome the technical challenges in an emergent setting.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:37 | 4298174 GoldRulesPaperDrools
GoldRulesPaperDrools's picture

One word: COMPOST

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:00 | 4298230 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

my wife works in the ER. They recently added a new wing in anticipation of Obamacare. The toliet seats requested had a 525 lb capacity.  walking with dinosaurs 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:30 | 4298309 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

OMHO white flour is a bigger killer than white sugar. Try eating white flour pancakes every morning then switch to brown rice/whole wheat or wholewheat/buckwheat, hell anything and see if you feel...um' slightly better or actually way fucking better.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:38 | 4298337 akak
akak's picture

Racist!

 

(Oh, no, wait --- that would only be if you called brown flour the bigger killer.)

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:04 | 4298416 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

Just let us eat, Moooooooooooooooooooochellllllllllllllllllleelelelelele!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:51 | 4298538 Volkodav
Volkodav's picture

Buckwheat Blini Pancake is healthy and low cost.

Windows to Russia blog has good simple blini recipe. Missouri farm raised Cordon Blue chef, married to Russian Lady lives near Moscow.

Several recipes for Russian meals there in simple form. windowstorussia.com

 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:36 | 4298324 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

Mmmmm...bacon pancakes....

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:57 | 4298557 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Not interested! Unless...can I get blue berry pancakes? If so, I'm there.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:03 | 4298095 enloe creek
enloe creek's picture

Ickslop sawdust shit cakes eh load up it's all good

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:12 | 4298123 Alea Iactaest
Alea Iactaest's picture

I'm confused. Does this, or does this not, fit the "portions are smaller because of hidden inflation" theme?

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:18 | 4298139 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Re:  Does this, or does this not, fit the "portions are smaller because of hidden inflation" theme?

Like all things political, only if it supports your existing bias.   Then it does (or doesn't) as the case may be.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:34 | 4298168 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

No!  Let me explain.  They are using recycled Chinese drywall as filler, thus killing two birds with one stone. (kinda)

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:15 | 4298276 garypaul
garypaul's picture

Good question Alea. I guess we would have to know what the price is for this all-you-can eat breakfast, and a few other things. Keep in mind that there are all-you-can-eat buffet style restaurants that make a profit.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 16:03 | 4300121 shiftless
shiftless's picture

In other news the McDouble just went up--again--to $1.49.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:05 | 4298246 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

Mcd n sbux accepts em, so why not ihop.  its free income after all

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:00 | 4298242 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Oh hell yes, Nega'! Y'all can keep them flapjacks! There is nothing as sublime as fried bread toruses, (torii?), coated in sugar glaze. Gimme a bakers dozen, dammit, I'm crashin'!

~The donut Junkie

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:10 | 4298427 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

Fried Railroad French Toast, best ever.

That fat Chris Chrispy is on my screen wanting to eat my hand right about now.

No Chrispy!!!

See you later fatty!!!!!!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:53 | 4298068 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

Will they also be offering a free valet service? Last time I was at an Ibarf three years ago, two thirds of the patrons were waddling in and crawling out.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:39 | 4298172 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I told my wife that if the day ever comes that I need a rascal scooter to get around, she has my permission to smother me with a pillow.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:03 | 4298240 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

those rascal scooters come free as a part of the medicare system.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:06 | 4298256 logicalman
logicalman's picture

I have a similar agreement with my kids.

Point me at the lake and jam the throttle!

 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:56 | 4298069 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Do I gotta pay for it? I don't want it if I gotta pay for it.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:06 | 4298106 dwayne elizando
dwayne elizando's picture

You get a discount if you're spending iraqi dinar!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:56 | 4298226 Leonardo Fibonacci2
Leonardo Fibonacci2's picture

You get a discount if you weigh 400 pounds +

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:56 | 4298070 supersajin
supersajin's picture

Getting a little nit picky arn't we??

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:57 | 4298071 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Looks like it's breakfast for dinner tonight. 

I'm there.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:54 | 4298073 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Pass..I got pancaked enough last year

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:41 | 4298177 GoldRulesPaperDrools
GoldRulesPaperDrools's picture

Dude, I think we're related! ;)

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:39 | 4298511 StychoKiller
Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:59 | 4298077 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

My local IHOP is an echo-chamber; all metal chairs and tables, 270 degrees of glass all around lit with fluorescent glory.

You feel like you are in an aquarium and the noise level is unbearable; no carpet, no cozy booths with warm lighting.

I'm certain that the MBA's and Emo Bauhaus architects rule the company with an aluminum fist.

When I do indulge, it's:  eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns; two pancakes on the side if I'm really living high on the hog.

Me dropping dead of a heart attack is a lot cheaper to the system than 10 years of hospice for Alzheimer's.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:01 | 4298094 darteaus
darteaus's picture

Whoa there 1%er!  The rest of us can only afford calories, and now you want ambience too?  What's next: 2+ napkins, drink refills, clean bathrooms, etc?

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:47 | 4298213 Musashi Miyamoto
Musashi Miyamoto's picture

MC D charges extra if you want a slice of tomato on your burger.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:54 | 4298386 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

Everyone charges extra for tomatoes. GMO veggies aren't cheap.

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