This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

It's Pancakedemonium: IHOP Brings Back "All You Can Eat Pancakes"

Tyler Durden's picture


As we reported earlier, 1.5 billion adults around the world, or a whopping one in three, are obese or overweight. But, as any marketer will tell you, this is merely an untapped opportunity: it simply means that two out of three are still "unobese". And doing its best to hit the goal of 100% obesity, is IHOP which, for the first time in more than two years, has just unleashed Pancake Pandemonium: "You can choose a stack of five Buttermilk pancakes as a main course or you can opt to add them to a combo which features eggs any style, hash browns, and a choice of pork sausage links, bacon, or ham." Remember: "With authentic country flavor, our fluffy buttermilk pancakes are the signature favorite we’re famous for. Order early and often—All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes are unlimited!"

Wait, what are America's healthcare costs again?

Why, at $852 billion or 25% of all government spending, only the single biggest item in the entire US budget. And rising exponentially.

Oh well, that means it is some other generation's problems. But for now, the tapped out US consumer must be fed (any similarity between the verb and an identically spelled noun is purely accidental).


- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:51 | 4298059 VD
VD's picture

does IHOP accept EBTz¿¿¿

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:52 | 4298066 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture


Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:57 | 4298084 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Which box do i match the purple an brown boxes with?

Hep, i strugglin.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:07 | 4298108 markmotive
markmotive's picture

Fatten them up. Make them stupid and dependent.

Then turn them into slaves.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:35 | 4298165 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

What's in that 'syrup'? 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:40 | 4298188 akak
akak's picture

Probably mostly extremely high fructose corn syrup, with a bit of artificial maple flavor derived from the synthesis of trans fats with monosodium glutamate.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:52 | 4298221 Leonardo Fibonacci2
Leonardo Fibonacci2's picture

With cancer causing molecules to keep Obamacare running...... But people will die anyways cause their care is too expensive.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:25 | 4298293 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

But it looks like the investors are bullish! Bullish I tell you, bullish!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:44 | 4298348 economics9698
economics9698's picture

The Waffle House pecan waffle with butter and maple syrup has the I-Hop pancake stack beat hands down.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:31 | 4298492 Unpopular Truth
Unpopular Truth's picture

do they accept bitcoins?

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 23:09 | 4298696 Big Slick
Sat, 01/04/2014 - 09:22 | 4299472 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone once equated NANNERPUSS with G/S, calling it 'a giant pancake-sucking squid'.

I love the part where he flicks his own eye off!

Of course, we gonna have to borrow 650 billion squidbuks this year...BUT, ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT GMO's for EVERYONE!

Fricking TWILIGHT ZONE economics...


Sat, 01/04/2014 - 07:06 | 4299350 monkeyshine
monkeyshine's picture

In fact I am bullish on this one over the coming years


Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:31 | 4298311 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

All you can eat pancakes cost about as much to make as all you can drink icewater.

Even if you're a cooking-retard you can buy a box of Bisquick (not my recommended way- start from scratch is preferred AND cheaper- but it'll do in a pinch), add some milk and an egg and make your own for cheap.  I've even made them with nothing but Bisquick and WATER and it still works, but it's a bit bland.  It costs about as much to heat the griddle as the ingredients cost.  Should cost about a buck a head to satisfy most people, plus the cost to heat the griddle.  And they're freaking fun to make if you want to add some fresh fruit to the mix (blueberries are my favorite since I was a kid).

If you have never tried to cook for yourself, you're really missing out.  Forget the cost savings, anything you make yourself is going to taste better and probably be better for you than eating at a restaurant or (worse yet) throwing some prepared food in the microwave.  With a million recipes at your fingertips via Google search, you really have no excuse not to try it.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:33 | 4298329 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Does IHOP have any restaurants in Colorado?  If so, they may want to re-think this strategy.  I hear they legalized pot in that state.  Just sayin...

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 10:35 | 4299566 Smiley
Smiley's picture

The syrup IS people...

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:00 | 4298096 jekyll island
jekyll island's picture

I was working in the ER last week and this 400 pound guy almost fell over on me. He was in acute renal failure from his hypertension. Honestly thought I was going to get seriously injured. Oh, try putting a dialysis catheter in someone that big. People sometimes just die because they are too fat, cannot overcome the technical challenges in an emergent setting.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:37 | 4298174 GoldRulesPaperDrools
GoldRulesPaperDrools's picture

One word: COMPOST

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:00 | 4298230 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

my wife works in the ER. They recently added a new wing in anticipation of Obamacare. The toliet seats requested had a 525 lb capacity.  walking with dinosaurs 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:30 | 4298309 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

OMHO white flour is a bigger killer than white sugar. Try eating white flour pancakes every morning then switch to brown rice/whole wheat or wholewheat/buckwheat, hell anything and see if you' slightly better or actually way fucking better.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:38 | 4298337 akak
akak's picture



(Oh, no, wait --- that would only be if you called brown flour the bigger killer.)

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:04 | 4298416 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

Just let us eat, Moooooooooooooooooooochellllllllllllllllllleelelelelele!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:51 | 4298538 Volkodav
Volkodav's picture

Buckwheat Blini Pancake is healthy and low cost.

Windows to Russia blog has good simple blini recipe. Missouri farm raised Cordon Blue chef, married to Russian Lady lives near Moscow.

Several recipes for Russian meals there in simple form.


Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:36 | 4298324 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

Mmmmm...bacon pancakes....

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:57 | 4298557 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Not interested! Unless...can I get blue berry pancakes? If so, I'm there.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:03 | 4298095 enloe creek
enloe creek's picture

Ickslop sawdust shit cakes eh load up it's all good

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:12 | 4298123 Alea Iactaest
Alea Iactaest's picture

I'm confused. Does this, or does this not, fit the "portions are smaller because of hidden inflation" theme?

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:18 | 4298139 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Re:  Does this, or does this not, fit the "portions are smaller because of hidden inflation" theme?

Like all things political, only if it supports your existing bias.   Then it does (or doesn't) as the case may be.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:34 | 4298168 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

No!  Let me explain.  They are using recycled Chinese drywall as filler, thus killing two birds with one stone. (kinda)

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:15 | 4298276 garypaul
garypaul's picture

Good question Alea. I guess we would have to know what the price is for this all-you-can eat breakfast, and a few other things. Keep in mind that there are all-you-can-eat buffet style restaurants that make a profit.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 16:03 | 4300121 shiftless
shiftless's picture

In other news the McDouble just went up--again--to $1.49.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:05 | 4298246 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

Mcd n sbux accepts em, so why not ihop.  its free income after all

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:54 | 4298060 negative rates
negative rates's picture

I want mine deep fried.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:00 | 4298242 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Oh hell yes, Nega'! Y'all can keep them flapjacks! There is nothing as sublime as fried bread toruses, (torii?), coated in sugar glaze. Gimme a bakers dozen, dammit, I'm crashin'!

~The donut Junkie

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:10 | 4298427 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

Fried Railroad French Toast, best ever.

That fat Chris Chrispy is on my screen wanting to eat my hand right about now.

No Chrispy!!!

See you later fatty!!!!!!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:53 | 4298068 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

Will they also be offering a free valet service? Last time I was at an Ibarf three years ago, two thirds of the patrons were waddling in and crawling out.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:39 | 4298172 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I told my wife that if the day ever comes that I need a rascal scooter to get around, she has my permission to smother me with a pillow.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:03 | 4298240 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

those rascal scooters come free as a part of the medicare system.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:06 | 4298256 logicalman
logicalman's picture

I have a similar agreement with my kids.

Point me at the lake and jam the throttle!


Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:56 | 4298069 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Do I gotta pay for it? I don't want it if I gotta pay for it.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:06 | 4298106 dwayne elizando
dwayne elizando's picture

You get a discount if you're spending iraqi dinar!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:56 | 4298226 Leonardo Fibonacci2
Leonardo Fibonacci2's picture

You get a discount if you weigh 400 pounds +

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:56 | 4298070 supersajin
supersajin's picture

Getting a little nit picky arn't we??

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:57 | 4298071 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Looks like it's breakfast for dinner tonight. 

I'm there.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:54 | 4298073 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Pass..I got pancaked enough last year

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:41 | 4298177 GoldRulesPaperDrools
GoldRulesPaperDrools's picture

Dude, I think we're related! ;)

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:39 | 4298511 StychoKiller
Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:59 | 4298077 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

My local IHOP is an echo-chamber; all metal chairs and tables, 270 degrees of glass all around lit with fluorescent glory.

You feel like you are in an aquarium and the noise level is unbearable; no carpet, no cozy booths with warm lighting.

I'm certain that the MBA's and Emo Bauhaus architects rule the company with an aluminum fist.

When I do indulge, it's:  eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns; two pancakes on the side if I'm really living high on the hog.

Me dropping dead of a heart attack is a lot cheaper to the system than 10 years of hospice for Alzheimer's.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:01 | 4298094 darteaus
darteaus's picture

Whoa there 1%er!  The rest of us can only afford calories, and now you want ambience too?  What's next: 2+ napkins, drink refills, clean bathrooms, etc?

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:47 | 4298213 Musashi Miyamoto
Musashi Miyamoto's picture

MC D charges extra if you want a slice of tomato on your burger.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:54 | 4298386 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

Everyone charges extra for tomatoes. GMO veggies aren't cheap.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:58 | 4298398 akak
akak's picture

You mean, those pink and tasteless mushy balls that restaurants pass off as tomatoes nowadays.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 00:22 | 4298878 Element
Element's picture

Pink slime is a major food group.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:15 | 4298274 Serenity Now
Serenity Now's picture


+1 for Emo Bahaus architects ruling with an aluminum fist.  LOL.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 00:56 | 4298948 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

I was going for a dead-tech post modernistic bullshit kind of decor.



Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:56 | 4298078 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Quantative Flatulence.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:05 | 4298251 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Would that make it a blast from the repast?


(...though theoretically all blasts are from repasts...)

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:12 | 4298267 akak
akak's picture

I wonder, did flagellants experience flatulence?

And if so, did they (a) appreciate the irony, and (b) flagellate themselves further by way of self-punishment?

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 04:27 | 4299276 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Your question akak, is crack on! I think it all hinges on whether they were flagellated or self-flagellating. If they were of the self-flagellating sort and were caught in flagrante, you might wonder if they were then also caught in fragrante. Either way I'm not sure it's worth making a stink about it...

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:59 | 4298081 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Corrugated cardboard, all you can eat pancakes... Yum Yum.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:57 | 4298086 dwayne elizando
dwayne elizando's picture

Carl's Jr.

Fuck you, I'm eating!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:46 | 4298209 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

I admit to the odd foray to Carl's. I appreciate that they shamelessly hawk big fatty burgers.

The unlimited pancakes makes sense (from a $ perspective) since those carbs are so cheap. A 50lb sack of flour at the local wholesale food place is around $12. You can make a ton of pancakes that way.

I was more concerned with the expenses/income chart for the feds. On the income side, it's apparent corporations are not paying nearly enough. On the expense side, if we cut the defense and discretionaries down by a little over 50%, then there would be no deficit.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 18:58 | 4298090 darteaus
darteaus's picture

To better facilitate your next dining experience:

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:00 | 4298097 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Still not as good as this promotion for Hardee's

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:12 | 4298261 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Pancakes meets all FDA daily requrments for US nutritional growth.

who's the faggot now?? Not me!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:05 | 4298110 eucalyptus
eucalyptus's picture

that's fucking disgusting.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:09 | 4298111 yogibear
yogibear's picture

No long before the defict climbs to $25 trillion. All those unfunded liabilities which are much more are coming up as well.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:06 | 4298113 lordbyroniv
lordbyroniv's picture

Im sorry ZH but all you can eat pancakes is a GOOD THING.  


America # 1 !!11111

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:06 | 4298114 Hobie
Hobie's picture

Mr Creosote, eat your heart out.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:10 | 4298115 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Well there goes the last 1/3rd of dateable women.

Next stop, Fatsville!

For the record, I make my own homemade buttermilk pancakes when I want them.  Forget iCRAP!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:43 | 4298173 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Me too.  It's something my friends like me to cook.  I make them super thick and they put the cake in pancakes.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:14 | 4298125 Glass Seagull
Glass Seagull's picture

Time to buy wheat futs.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:15 | 4298127 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

And to think earlier today , Obesity issues in Amerika

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:15 | 4298129 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

If we cut these OldFarts off of their SS and Medicare welfare scam we could have a balanced budget again.   

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:39 | 4298185 GoldRulesPaperDrools
GoldRulesPaperDrools's picture

One word: COMPOST

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:16 | 4298133 Musashi Miyamoto
Musashi Miyamoto's picture

If EBT stopped payments right now there would be mass looting by Monday morning.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:19 | 4298142 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

I think you're wrong.

It would be Right Now + 3 or 4 seconds

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:13 | 4298134 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Fat scooters lined up down the street.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:15 | 4298137 Babaloo
Babaloo's picture

They timed this for the legalization of pot in Colorado.  Smoke a couple bowls and go eat pancakes - what could be better?

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:31 | 4298146 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Last thing America needs is all-you-can-eat pancakes with 27 million diabetics and 80 million prediabetics in this country.

Pancakes are a cheap but poor food choice.  Glycemic Index of pancakes is at least 70 and Glycemic Load is high.

If you are going to eat pamcakes, make sure that you are at low risk of diabetes (less than 10%).  Then you eat eat all the pancakes you want.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:38 | 4298171 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

I cook some mean pancakes ;)

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:32 | 4298315 akak
akak's picture

Why, can't you cook nice pancakes?

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:28 | 4298152 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

The Obese Vultures

The Central Planners, or as I like to call them, pigs in suits, are people who live so high on the hog they think they are untouchable by the laws of reality.  They are printing digital currency on the notion that they will not add any significant risk to the financial system.  Problem is they have already destroyed many of their own laws, one being moral hazard.  

What happens when you let loose trillions upon tens of trillions of digital dollars (and their equivelent in Yen, Euro, Pound, and Yuan) on the world via lending and banking institutions like JPM, the weird banks of China, Barclays, BNP Paribas, and so many others that only have one motive - to profit in any way possible?

What happens is the vultures begin to circle themselves because they are the only ones with any meat on their bones, all the people on the street have been served up, forclosed, unemployed, and hungry.

This is what caused the rise in the stock market; the vultures had no idea where else to put their dollars and the Fed et al were continuously pumping the indecies with their PWGFM.  But don't be fooled by the shiny star that the indecies look like, it is being propped up just like the bond market, which the banks also were gorced to lend to by flipping USTs back and forth with the mentioned central banks like hot cakes.

How does it end?  Well it is ending now because both markets are over saturated.  Both markets basically have more cash in them then ever before, and per capita the amount of cash in this system is so far leveraged that they would look like Jabba the Hut eating a goat.  What happens when the financial system is as obese as everyone in the countries?  They die of cardiac arrest.

And just like a heart attack, when you first feel the palputations arrest, you just think you have gas.  These last two days traders on WS must think it is just some acid-reflux from all the coke and pork chops they had on New Years, and it's not true, this is the real thing.  The system is dying.

The importance of turning fiat cash into real money - gold and silver - has never been more important, and considering many many precious metal miners have been shutdown due to operating costs one must wonder where supply will come from over the next year as these same vultures look for the next winning trade.  Gold is oversold now, but it won't be for long.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:27 | 4298155 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Doesn't matter how much you eat, so long as it's real food and you burn it.

I'm knocking on the door of 60 and am a couple of pounds lighter than I was when I was 18.

I cycle EVERY day at least 10 miles (Did today, it was -33ºC with snow) not missed a day due to weather in 2 years now.

I prefer 33º above freezing though.

In summer I often do 30 - 40 mile rides and some fairly serious trails.

I eat good food, too, almost always cooked from scratch. Something tells me all those wonderful corporate additives may not be added to benefit me.

There's really no excuse.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:41 | 4298190 GoldRulesPaperDrools
GoldRulesPaperDrools's picture

Uh, that's really great and I'd love to do that too ... but I have this thing called a `JOB` I have to go to every day that pretty much prevents me from cycling that much (or even at all) some days.  I think most other people might be in the same position.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:14 | 4298265 logicalman
logicalman's picture

I cycle TO my job - no excuses for no excercise - if you want to you can work it into your schedule - likewise cooking.

I've not had a TV for 14 years - usual routine - CYCLE home from work - grocery shopping if required - crack a beer - put on tunes - start cooking real food.

Sit down, with my son, for dinner with beer #2 - hold a conversation.

Like I said, it's a choice.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 22:16 | 4298598 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

Many places let employees work out during noon break where I live. I have the luxury of taking an extended noon break and am pretty fortunate in that. I actually feel like shit/get crabby if I don't do something for a minimum of 30 minutes a day. 

There is always getting up a little earlier or doing something after work or later at night.


Sat, 01/04/2014 - 14:31 | 4299981 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Pretty much the same with me ragarding feeling like shit when I can't excercise - must be addicted to endorphins or something.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:36 | 4298166 akak
akak's picture

They must be putting some pretty heavy-duty wheels on those LWTVs (land whale transport vehicles) nowadays --- one hardly ever sees one of them broken down (but it's always morbidly funny when one does).

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:33 | 4298167 perelmanfan
perelmanfan's picture

Your world changes when you understand that grains - invisible as a food category to most people - are relentless pushed because they are so insanely cheap. If you can persuade people to eat pancakes, or cold cereal, or toaster waffles, rather than ham and eggs for breakfast, your profits spike - along with the insulin levels, fat deposits and premature mortality of your clientele. Avoid sugar, grains and polyunsaturated oils (especially if the latter has been heated and oxidized) and eat lots of vegetables and healthy animal foods, including the nutrient-rich organs! Read the success stories on Mark Sisson's Mark's Daily Apple if you want more inspiration.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:03 | 4298239 franciscopendergrass
franciscopendergrass's picture

All the fucking subsidies.  Producing insanely cheap food that is very hazardous to one's health.  I"m glad we have NAFTA because we are no longer the #1 obese nation in the world.  We have exported our shitty diet to Mexico.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:16 | 4298270 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Does "processed with the finest hops available" substitute for meeting daily vegi requirements?


Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:21 | 4298281 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Doctor told me to eat more fruit.....

Barman, TWO cherries in that martini!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:37 | 4298170 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

It would be really interesting to know whether the readership of ZH had obesity figures markedly different from the basic US ones....

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:59 | 4298392 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Well, we are all here. It's Friday night-the most coveted day of the week for partying with friends, catching a movie or shagging your brains out. yet ......

we're all here....


Sat, 01/04/2014 - 12:36 | 4299798 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

HEY!!! I resemble that remark!

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:40 | 4298176 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Banksters get Billions and John Q Public gets Quantitative Easing, of his belt buckle, nothing more.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:43 | 4298187 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

Never Undersestimate the stupidty of Average Amerikan. 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:41 | 4298181 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

Does IHOP leave a Gallon of Syrup on the table for this crap?


Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:51 | 4298220 akak
akak's picture

Nah, they just leave a gallon of crap and skip the middleman.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:42 | 4298184 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

Just think those Hollow Points are going to be useful for the wide load bitchezz. 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:45 | 4298193 GoldRulesPaperDrools
GoldRulesPaperDrools's picture

Don't forget the copper-plated double-ought buckshot.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:52 | 4298215 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

Agreed. However Hollow Points have a special meaning 

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:44 | 4298201 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

Pancakes are a high glycemic garbage food that makes you fat as a house.

Stay away from them.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 19:53 | 4298217 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

Good old IHOP, doing Dawrin's work.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:11 | 4298259 akak
akak's picture

I've always been an admirer of Dawrin's book On the Specie of Origins.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:03 | 4298250 RobD
RobD's picture

Can't even eat lo carb at Ihop they put pancake batter in there omelets.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:22 | 4298277 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

They aren't obese. Those are just emergency food stores in case of natural disaster or if they get tossed in a FEMA camp.

If you think about it, this is the ultimate in survivalist hoarding. The food can't go bad because it is already converted to something that the body can pack away. They take it with them wherever they go: No more worrying about having the emergency supplies at home while you are at work. Sexual attraction goes down, thus you won't have a mate and that gives you one less person to feed once you do get your food supplied restored. This practically doubles your chances of survival

Or think about this: You are marched into a FEMA camp with a knapsack full of food. If you are lucky enough to get it past the guards, how long do you think you will last if you try to defend that pack with your life? You gotta sleep sometime. Now if you have your emergency food supply, who in their right mind is going to carve a slab off your rump in order to make soylent burgers? No one! You're already ahead of the game

There are just a lot of reasons why this emergency food hoarding system is the most efficient one going

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:19 | 4298278 logicalman
logicalman's picture

I'd just hate to be the bed underneath a married couple!

Oh, no, an image in my mind I wish I never had. Hope it's not indellible!

You will too!


Fri, 01/03/2014 - 20:54 | 4298388 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

You could eat a hundred pancakes, and IHOP would still pull a profit.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:28 | 4298485 akak
akak's picture

Not with the bathroom cleanup.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:05 | 4298420 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

All you can eat pancakes is less dangerous to most peoples health than your average buffet like Golden Corral.

I say that because most people can't sit there and eat nothing but pancakes for hours on end.  Not true at a buffet where you can trick your pallet with different flavors and textures.

If you don't believe me go try it pancakes sit like a rock.  IHOP knows that or wouldn't be offering it.  Also if you aren't going to IHOP for breakfast food don't go.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 21:19 | 4298448 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

and cotton candy and a chocolate fountain. YeefuckingHaw.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 22:19 | 4298599 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Damn that swimsuit ad girl's got a nice ass....

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 05:29 | 4299294 pupdog1
pupdog1's picture

It's true. Nobody can eat all that many pancakes in the time permitted.

Fri, 01/03/2014 - 23:37 | 4298762 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

I just knew that un-fettered American Capitalism would come up with the right answer! Unlimited Pancakes ! that'll take care of the problem !

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 00:20 | 4298869 Element
Element's picture

When they've deliberately engineered and carefully crafted an entire culture this tawdry and vacant, all that's left to distract from its cheesy ugliness is to either over-indulge ... or check-out ... any time you like ...

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 00:52 | 4298946 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Well, you can always get wasted and make IHOP into a drive-thru.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 02:15 | 4299138 Manic by Proxy
Manic by Proxy's picture

IHOP has always stood for quality food served in a clean environment, offering true value for cost conscious diners. 

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 02:32 | 4299168 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture


Sat, 01/04/2014 - 03:46 | 4299251 kareninca
kareninca's picture

All I could eat of IHOP pancakes would be exactly zero.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 08:05 | 4299385 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

Leadcakes and fake maple syurp. Unhealthy and very low cost to IHOP.

You will be corked up and have to spend $5 on laxitives to pass that crap. 

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 10:17 | 4299543 22winmag
22winmag's picture

Shut down places like IHOP and Friendly's and millions of senior citizens are starving in 48 to 72 hours.


It's not much different from the foodstamp zombies and the free shit army.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 11:35 | 4299660 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Here's something more entertaining, Spangle's new 6 patty hamburger with 6 1/3lb patties.  It's only $21.99.  If one were smart with say a family of 4 you would stop by the local grocery store and get a pack of burger buns.  That way the 2 kids would be fed and fat n drunk momndad could have 2 apiece.

I like to piss them off ill stop by the grocery store and get a pop or water and then go order the special and decline on the $3.00 soda pop.  One time I ordered 1 mcdonalds cheesburger and nothing else.  The gal that took the order actually laughed and when I got to the window there were a few people there that were obviously wanting to see who the grinch was that ordered that and the mgr just looked and shaked her head and walked off.  I try to stay away from that place but even I have a need to once in awhile have my air passage clogged with processed cheese.  That will hold me over for about 6 months when finally the onslaught of ads in the meantime trick me into trying it again.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 19:53 | 4300529 kareninca
kareninca's picture

That's funny - a couple of times a month I go through the taco bell drive-through and order a single bean burrito; it's $1.49. They seem to find that normal enough.

I've also gone through the Mcdonald's drive-though and ordered burgers w/o the burger (and then put my own vegan Boca burger on them; ridiculous for a near-vegan but Big Macs are my ancestral food).  No-one seemed surprised.

Maybe the standards for weird are different in California.

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 14:44 | 4300008 cameldojo
cameldojo's picture

RS, I did something similar at Jack box this morn..ordered one breakfast jack, and ate it standing there. The upside is the Malawi bloat afterwards that keeps you feeling full for hours!

Sat, 01/04/2014 - 17:27 | 4300242 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

There's probably a tax break for this too "baked in" somewhere so to speak. Dumbfuckmerica!

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!