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You Have The Right To Stay Out Of Jail (Or How To Handle A Police Encounter)

Tyler Durden's picture


Simply put, you have the right to remain out of prison... even if you are not a US citizen...



Know Your Rights

Source: Online-Paralegal-Programs.com

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Sun, 01/05/2014 - 22:27 | 4303266 Portuguese Revo...
Portuguese Revolutionary's picture

Pretty soon this too shall become obsolete (like privacy)...

It's all going the way of the Dodo.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 00:30 | 4303559 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Are you conducting an investigation, Ocifer?

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 01:05 | 4303618 SmackDaddy
SmackDaddy's picture

just remember, most cops are loading hollow points.  so get behind something and make sure you have some fmj with enough velocity to get through the vest

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 01:21 | 4303645 quintago
quintago's picture

Everybody needs to watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wXkI4t7nuc



Mon, 01/06/2014 - 01:47 | 4303665 SmackDaddy
SmackDaddy's picture

whatever you say college boy.  try this instead faggot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC1-_yUWvnI

learn from their mistakes

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 03:04 | 4303738 starfcker
starfcker's picture

i've always found in traffic stops a completely non-confrontational attitude is a big help. all this talk about rights and such from the get, why take a minor situation and escalate it over nothing? most of these guys are just doing a job, and if you are polite and respectful, you are on your way in no time. best possible outcome. the problem with lawyers giving you advice to be a total wad is that if you follow their advice and blow up a traffic stop, you might end up needing a lawyer. worst possible outcome. be cool. be smart.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 04:25 | 4303808 Miles Ahead
Miles Ahead's picture

Be cool?  Be smart? lol... fuck that.  Be Audi. 

Why even deal with a society like that?  First of all none of that (above) is going to work.  Even if they are wrong, by the time it's over you've gone through so much you don't have the time nor energy to seek redress.  What if they do cuff you and stuff you, put the bracelets on too tight, smack your dome against the top of the door as they're shoving you into the back of the ride, then leave you in there for 2 hours w/o A/C while they call in and check your record?  Who you gonna call... Johnny Cochran?

Fuck that.  Audi 5000.  I get stopped once every 2-3 months.  Pull out the $3 (equivalent) and bargain from there.  Sometimes they hit me for $6.  If I ever get my lisence renewed they wouldn't even get that but who has 45 min. to go to the DMV equivalent.  (yeah, it's quick. And cheap).

You get stopped for busted tail light in the US or say 26 in a 25mph speed trap in Ohio, that very well could be your last day on earth. Better have that chart above with you and learn it by heart!

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 05:03 | 4303833 Miles Ahead
Miles Ahead's picture

btw, "Audi" means get out of dodge. Emigrate.

Inner city lingo.  As in, Adios Amigos. .  circa 1970s.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 07:35 | 4303901 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



You want your rights?


What do you have to hide?


Everybody needs to watch

I have.....and he's right.....you should.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 11:15 | 4304262 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Here's another possible route to reign in this usurpation of the Constitutional Republic many of us remember.



Mon, 01/06/2014 - 14:15 | 4304836 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

The consequences of "refusing" the BAC machine varies from state to state. So do other aspects of DUI law which, by far, is the most political and complicated area of criminal law. Many states add or change DUI law on nearly a yearly basis. Most of the trend is an increase in punishment and fines.

About forty five years ago, many states implemented some form of "implied consent" law which indicated that every driver "gave" the government their consent to measure some form of alcohol level, usually by breath. Although most states originally limited the punishment to revoking a drivers license, over time, many states have removed that "statutory right" to refuse. Many states have also added additional criminial punishment for refusing the test including additional jail and fines.

Both the field sobriety (roadside) tests and the BAC machine have a tremendous amount of "scientific" flaws. In fact the actual scientific community finds a great deal of problems with both. I have deal a decade on each side of the law on this charge. The blood test is by far, when done correctly, the most accurate. The filed test carry very little scientific basis and have absolutely very little objectivity by each individual officer running the tests. Upper courts and caselaw have admitted this but then, contrary to most legal principles, have upheld these procedures for no other reason than the fact that the police have been using them for decades.

More than any other crime, DUI law, in mostat states, is the exception to the rule - where an officer can have your roadside for a long time before it is considered literally "an arrest." Any other circumstances or criminal investigation would likely be ruled an arrest.     

DUI, like camera tickets, is also becoming the new tax. It is one of the few crimes (at the lower readings) where many many citizens have commited and you do not need a criminial "mens rea" or criminal intent. The fines have increased dramatically in the last five years. The government knows, that like speeding, no matter how low the alcohol level goes, this is where they can make the money. The problem is, at least in my state, the minimum punishment for DUI, is so out of character with the rest of misdemenaor crime, that it carries very little risk to go to trial because, the negotiation offer is no better than what woulb be imposed post trial. No other crime works like that for obvious reasons. 95% of cases resolve by plea bargain or motions but DUI remains an exception.    


Mon, 01/06/2014 - 15:14 | 4305114 NeoLuddite
NeoLuddite's picture

Truth be known the criminal law community applauds every draconian law - for them it's a license for windfall profits. Baptists and bootleggers as it were. (Bruce Yandel)

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 16:01 | 4305254 Keyser
Mon, 01/06/2014 - 16:58 | 4305464 Trucker Glock
Trucker Glock's picture

Ain't nobody got time for that! Fucking scum.

Tue, 01/07/2014 - 01:00 | 4306966 NickVegas
NickVegas's picture

Makes you wonder sometime, about who is wagging the tail. Draconian is a code word for fear. On a tangent, don't seizure laws effectively privatize the police department? "You keep what you kill" Riddick

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 11:05 | 4304243 SheepHerder
SheepHerder's picture

Thanks!  I live in Denver and when I was reading this article I thought about how you'd have to be a fucking idiot to question the cops nowadays.  They regularly beat the shit out of people.  







This article is stupid.  Don't ever talk back to the cops.  

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 12:53 | 4304586 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture



They regularly beat the shit out of people.

Yep, that's exactly what they want you to think...

As they rest their hand on their billyclub as they question you.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 16:00 | 4305258 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Any encounter with the police is one sided. They are looking for a reason to arrest you. You DO NOT have to answer any of their questions. Anything you say will be used against you, so say nothing. 

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 08:03 | 4303925 Singelguy
Singelguy's picture

I agree. That has been my experience. However, if you get stopped by a douche bag cop with a big ego and a bad attitude it is good to know where the lines are drawn. Proceed accordingly.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 11:38 | 4304352 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

Since I stopped driving hot-rodded muscle cars, and switched to a more "respectable" rides - I've basically stopped getting pulled over.  Of course aging a bit probably has something to do with it too.  I think I've been pulled over once in the past 10 years.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 12:17 | 4304437 STP
STP's picture

So they finally got you to submit and now you drive something that 'they' approve of.   I find it rather sad.  Personally, I've never been pulled over in my ride, but your results may vary.  I wouldn't give it up either as the experience is far too precious for me.  Call me defiant, as my early 70's four speed Corvette, is loud, rude and fast and I like it that way.

Tue, 01/07/2014 - 01:36 | 4307030 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

What's funny is that I never got pulled over driving my '70 911S - and I used to drive that thing like a complete asshole.  The one that used to get me nailed all the time was my jacked-up, flat black, '68 Dodge Coronet w/bumble-bee stripe.  That was more of a cop magnet than even my 4spd '69 GTO.

Honestly, I don't look at driving boring cars now as giving-in to pressure - When I got rid of those cars (and all the others) I got an airplane - which was great fun for a while.  Right now I'm working on building a Cummins-powered '89 Suburban w/one ton axles - so I still have a bit of the fever fwiw.     

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 13:51 | 4304771 CvlDobd
CvlDobd's picture

The "just doing their job" excuse is what made alot of the police state tactics ok in the eyes of John Q. Publicfuckingretard.

I jump the shark on anyone that says that shit to me. Fuck their job. It's a waste. Cops are there to protect the staus quo at times of political distress. This traffic stop/investigation bullshit is all a distration to make them seem necessary in the eys of the public they are there to crush.

Just look at all the guys "just doing their job" in Ukraine.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 16:03 | 4305263 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Their job used to be to "Serve and Protect". Today, that role has changed to "Harrass, Intemidate and Murder at will". I chaulk it up to the ex-military bad-asses that join the force after active duty. These idiots still think they have free reign to do whatever they want. After all, that's how they handled themselves in theater. 

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 16:09 | 4305291 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

UCC 1-207 / 1-308

Without Prejudice UCC 1.207

When you use “without prejudice UCC 1-207? in connection with your signature, you are saying, “I reserve my right not to be compelled to perform under any contract or commercial agreement that I did not enter knowingly, voluntarily and intentionally. I do not accept the liability of the compelled benefit of any unrevealed contract or commercial agreement.”


Some people put:

"UCC 1-308 Reservation of rights without prejudice"

under the signature line of their driver's license...


Mon, 01/06/2014 - 04:33 | 4303812 A Nanny Moose
Mon, 01/06/2014 - 05:10 | 4303837 migra
migra's picture

You are a scumbag.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 08:50 | 4303902 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



So is the guy that bought all hollow-points for the DHS.....and thinks killing all the white people would be a cool thing.


It has yet to be reported on MSNBC....but I'm sure they'll get around to it eventually.


Would you like a link to that? Sure thing....I've got lots of them.


Mon, 01/06/2014 - 06:15 | 4303876 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Dear SmackDaddy:    You're a fucking idiot and should not have any firearms with an attitude like that.

And if you ever even draw a weapon on a police officer, you will be shot  by a much better trained shooter than you'll ever be which will probably kill you.

And if not, there will be dozens more officers with  impenetrable body armor hunting you down for the kill.

In your case, I hope the NSA really is tracking you down now to prevent the loss of a LEO by a scum like you!


Mon, 01/06/2014 - 01:09 | 4303624 KickIce
KickIce's picture

No, they'll just consider being a ZH reader an anti-government activity that will in turn give them probable cause and/or give them the means to label you a terrorist.  The above only applies to simple stuff, but anything that can be perceived as anti government you're pretty much screwed because of the Patriot Act.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 05:23 | 4303845 Miles Ahead
Miles Ahead's picture
?LA Sheriff’s Department misconduct includes rape, drug smuggling, kidnapping - report.  rt.com

Officer, are you raping me?  Do you have probable cause?

Are you kidnapping me for ransom or for other reasons sir? Am I free to leave now?

Have a nice day sir.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 06:29 | 4303880 samcontrol
samcontrol's picture

Fuck I love living in Argentina...

all you need is a black car not to be pulled over where I live. IT is la SIDE's home base. Some candle shop owner ran into the woods once when he saw me arriving in my black jetty.

In the last 25 years in South America I must of been pulled over 20 times.
most very routine under a minute.other examples..
..i paid a few bucks for red lights.
...had to open my trunk since funny smoke hit him in the face.
...was pulled out semi-unconscious by cop after hitting tree on New Year's Eve. 3 empty champagne bottles at my feet . A cooler with 5 more in the trunk. Marihuana , acid , and alcohol in my blood. The insurance paid for the TOTAL of my red renault 19 called diablo in 8 days.....I'm thinking , this country rocks, I would be getting fucked in the ass in the good old USA.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 06:35 | 4303882 samcontrol
samcontrol's picture

oh ... and I never ever got a ticket in South America.

My fastest speed 275 kph on the chipped jettA ( bora here).

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 06:47 | 4303884 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Good. Stay there!

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 13:31 | 4304711 Exponere Mendaces
Exponere Mendaces's picture

They forgot:

"Are you wealthy and/or well-connected? Then tell the police to fuck off and call your lawyer on retainer from your private car."

There are two sets of laws, one for the "little people" and one for the rich scumbags.

Sun, 01/05/2014 - 22:32 | 4303280 lewy14
lewy14's picture

even if you are not a US citizen...

And by "even" we mean "especially".

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 08:42 | 4303932 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

can't say that I understand your emphasis. note that if the police would have the right to discern the citizen status on sight, this would amount to the citizen and foreigner's duty to carry an ID - as we have on continental europe

before someone misunderstands, yes, a (let's say Spanish) police officer here has the right to ask for identification and write it down. after that, the "rules of engagement" are pretty the same in practice as in the rest of the civilized world

though we don't have a private prison industry bent on moar business, imho a small but significant detail

meanwhile India is officially pissed with the US about the Devyani_Khobragade_incident, where she claims having been subject to cavity searches. I somehow still don't understand why the arrest of this diplomat was necessary at all

Sun, 01/05/2014 - 22:35 | 4303282 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

So which law is it again that protects a citizen from public view roadside body cavity searches.......?? How about the one that protects our wives and children from having their genitalia groped at airports.......?? Looks like I need to brush up on my rights. BTW, It's now against the law to 'annoy' a police officer in NYC; whatever the fuck that means......

Sun, 01/05/2014 - 22:49 | 4303318 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Back when Common Law ruled the land, the public was free to use public roads for any non-commercial use without license, registration, or hindrance of any sort.

Sun, 01/05/2014 - 22:53 | 4303337 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Yeah, well times have changed. Now the best legal minds in the U.S. recommend sitting there like a good little citizen, taking shit from some asshole cop who is just looking for a reason to cart you off to jail for obstruction because you didn't get the answers to all of his fucking trivia questions correct.......

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 00:15 | 4303424 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

When you hear NY's finest say "Stop and frisk that Nigger! I don't like the way he looks!" you know we're not in the Land o' the free anymore.   




Edit.... and it started with Hillary as senator. Don't forget that. t,  

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 00:18 | 4303527 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

My favorite, from a state trooper friend: Load of coal going north on I-75.

Sun, 01/05/2014 - 23:28 | 4303432 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me:  I don't answer questions.

Officer: How much have you had to drink tonight?

Me: Which part of I don't answer questions did you fail to understand?

Officer: Step out of the vehicle, sir!

Me: What charge(s) are you prepared to levy against me?

Officer: Step out of the vehicle, sir!

Me: I should also mention that I don't follow orders, and reiterate that you need to make your claim, and charge me with a crime, before you presume to order me around.

Officer goes back to his car, and fumbles around for a bit...  He comes back after a bit, and wishes me a good day.



Sun, 01/05/2014 - 23:37 | 4303448 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

{orders to exit car and uses night stick and/or weapon to place you on ground for cuffs}

Sun, 01/05/2014 - 23:51 | 4303474 acetinker
acetinker's picture

It took me awhile to recognize how the game is played.  My face has met the pavement a time or two, I have scars to remind me.  I am just relating strategies that worked when dealing with cops.  You prolly don't wanna hear about the ones that didn't.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 00:20 | 4303484 Erudite Redneck
Erudite Redneck's picture

Free law class:  Never talk to the police.  Anything you say will either be nuetral or negative, period.


Mon, 01/06/2014 - 01:58 | 4303676 The Navigator
The Navigator's picture

EXCELLENT Video - Thanks Erudite Redneck.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 02:38 | 4303708 vato poco
vato poco's picture

Second on the 'good on yer' to ER for that video. Watch it, people. learn it. Live it. Make your spouse/kids/relatives/neighbors watch it too. It can (literally) keep your life from being ruined. Or ended.

Also, since I like ZH readers, this tip from a relative who used to be a cop: If you're a non-smoker, keep your car's registration & insurance paperwork all folded up neatly in your ashtray. If stopped by a cop, this is what it'll do for you: 1) since you always know right where it is and don't have to fumble around trying to find it, you won't look nervous to the cop 2) seeing that you're not nervous will calm the cop down. that alone will dial down _his_ volume, and your chances of driving off with just a warning improve greatly. 3) since they're in their own little self-contained compartment, you'll be able to present your papers to the cop without having to open up your glovebox/center console/purse, etc. Those are usually the places where folks keep things they might not want/need a cop to be seeing: weapons, rx pills, rolling papers, etc etc. Letting the cop see as little as possible is a good thing: to a cop looking for a reason to jack you up, a tic-tac can be (sworn to) resemble "an illicit drug, Your Honor!" 

Lastly, never ever call the cops unless you're *desperate*. Google all the stories of cops gunning down the agitated family member they were called to "help". There are very, VERY few situations in which the arrival of the police won't make matters MUCH worse.

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 14:14 | 4304881 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

> Lastly, never ever call the cops unless you're *desperate*. Google all the stories of cops gunning down the agitated family member they were called to "help".

On Drudge now:

Parents call police for help, cops show up and kill their 18-year-old son

Mon, 01/06/2014 - 00:07 | 4303515 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

I can see a nubile cop using an excuse to get physical. My way works for me. The militarization of the police may make our innocent encounters become more Stasi like.

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