• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

Government Spent $224,863 On "Custom-Fit" Condoms

Tyler Durden's picture


Money well-spent, we are sure some would suggest; but when the National Institute of Health spends $224,863 to test 95 "custom-fitted" condoms so every hard-working American man can choose the one that fits 'just right', we suggest the government is stretching the tax dollar a little too far. As NY Post reports, the study was prompted by concern that despite the wide-scale promotion of latex condoms to help prevent the spread of HIV, their use remains "disappointingly low," because, the government says, one-third to one-half of men complain of poor-fitting prophylactics and are less likely to use them... apparently. Of course, we assume, when questioned, all said the condom was 'too small'.


Via NY Post,



The NIH blames US “regulatory guidelines” for American men having to choose from a “narrow range of condom sizes.”


The six-figure grant was awarded to TheyFit of Covington, Ga., which offers a wide variety of condoms that vary in length — from a bit more than 3 inches to nearly 9 ¹/? — and in width.


They’re available in European Union countries, but not in the United States, where they would have to be approved by the Food and Drug Administration.


“For most of their existence, condoms were custom fitted,” TheyFit explains on its Web site.


“For hundreds of years, until the early part of the 20th century, they were made of linen or animal gut fitted to over individual penis sizes.”


But the introduction of latex, mass production of condoms and other factors created what the firm calls “the ‘one size fits all’ condom.”


For the man who doesn’t know his own penis size, TheyFit offers a free downloadable “FitKit.”




In 2009, the NIH financed a $423,500 study to find out why condom usage is so low in the United States.


Brings a whole new meaning to Obama's new "Promise Zones"...


But for those intrigued enough... here is @OnionSlayer 's informative map of the world's penis size...


And before you freak out (the scale is in cm not inches)...

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Sat, 01/11/2014 - 19:52 | 4323754 VD
VD's picture

thats like a min of POMO yo! premature ejaculation level gov spending right there...

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 19:56 | 4323763 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

They need to focus on creating a condom for politicians that prevents them from jizzing all over America.

I am Chumbawmaba.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 19:57 | 4323765 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

this auta be good

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:13 | 4323801 knukles
knukles's picture

It was during the high period of the British Empire, the Brits discovered that the Arabs had been using sheep gut as condoms.  The Brits in their inevitable eccentric nature, improved upon the concept by removing the gut from the sheep before its use.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:23 | 4323828 nmewn
nmewn's picture


Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:34 | 4323857 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Look, I really do love you and besides.... these things never fit me right.  It has NOTHING to do with the fact it feels like I'm wearing a glove over it.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:50 | 4323901 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

"The Brits in their inevitable eccentric nature, improved upon the concept by removing the gut from the sheep before its use."

not trying to start an argument, but ..

what makes that an "improvement"?


Sat, 01/11/2014 - 21:34 | 4323970 dogbreath
dogbreath's picture

there might be a little african in my canadian jeans

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 21:45 | 4323993 GotNuttin'todo
GotNuttin'todo's picture

If she is real little , she just might fit.

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 09:54 | 4324492 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

I'm surprised they don't just outlaw unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 10:50 | 4324541 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Well this is one area where at least a lot of inflation is a good thing...

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 12:45 | 4324702 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

They never fit for shit..., always way too big.

Er, wait..., I meant too small, TOO SMALL!


Sun, 01/12/2014 - 11:09 | 4324571 giggler321
giggler321's picture

You're too quick, that's to COME

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 13:18 | 4324770 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

"My Jimmy runs deep, so deep, put her ass to sleep." -Ice Cube

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 21:28 | 4323959 Hulk
Hulk's picture

ewe !!!

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:01 | 4323773 VD
VD's picture

 self-strangulation condom-like head-wrap would be pref actually....get them off the planet asap! (fer da venal dickheadz they all r..)

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:10 | 4323792 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I came up with a campaign idea years ago that instead of tea bags, we should organize and send our congress critters all condoms with a note saying "If you plan to keep screwing us, at least wear these while you do it." The campaign was to be called the CONDOMNATION. The mass mailing would be the mass CONDOMNATION of congress.

We got bogged down in a manifesto and it never happened, but a few of us were starting to get organized to actually do it.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:29 | 4323844 nmewn
nmewn's picture

So, no happy ending then? ;-)

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 21:59 | 4324019 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

Yeah, Miles talked about it with me over lunch one time and was all excited about it.  Sounds like a good idea but it might only encourage them to go rape someone.  Maybe we should send them blow-up dolls instead?


Sat, 01/11/2014 - 23:47 | 4324155 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Count me in.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:21 | 4323822 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

The problem is that they are still sticking into Americans.

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 09:39 | 4324479 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Long Dicks Sporting Goods (DKS)

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:15 | 4323805 Jannn
Jannn's picture

TF Metals Report interviews China gold market expert Koos Jansen | Gold Anti-Trust Action Committee: http://www.gata.org/node/13492#.UtHed_jcdRo.twitter

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 23:15 | 4324118 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

If the shoe fits?

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 03:19 | 4324311 Barry McBear
Barry McBear's picture

"thats like a min of POMO yo!"


Actually, it's just under 7 seconds of pomo.

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 13:06 | 4324744 garypaul
garypaul's picture

Talk about envy. Look how much of Africa they left grey!

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 19:56 | 4323764 Oxbo Rene
Oxbo Rene's picture

Oh man ! ! !
Now I got to get out the conversion tool ! ! !

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 07:41 | 4324427 The Mist
The Mist's picture

Oh you're american? Let me help you, your average is size small.

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 09:59 | 4324499 swissaustrian
swissaustrian's picture

Here in Europe, condoms are primarily measured in mm of width (not girth), so called nominal width: http://con-doms.weebly.com/nominal-width.htmlLength is not the main indicator for individual condom size needs. Width makes much more sense: If the length of the condom is too short, it won't cause pain as long as the width fits. Don't go all-in and you're protected from diseases and not just pregnancy, too. If the width is too narrow, however, it will be painful and might burst.

As the article says, differently sized condoms are available in every pharmacy or online here in Europe, prescrition free ;-). They're cheap and literally every width and length can be purchased.

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 18:29 | 4325452 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

But our politicians (both genders!) and bureaucrats are enormous dickheads. Meanwhile, most American men have been totally deflated by the constant assault of feminism, political correctness, end PBAs That's why Viagra is so popular. 

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:05 | 4323766 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

I want a box of XXXLong'n'Wide -- they make the best water balloons.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 19:57 | 4323768 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

I thought those were FEMA bags?

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:00 | 4323776 10mm
10mm's picture

Like taking a shower with knit socks on. 

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:02 | 4323778 Schacht Mat
Schacht Mat's picture

DHS approved this grant - they were told these were "body bags"

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 18:30 | 4325455 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Were they hollow-points?

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:03 | 4323779 hunglow
hunglow's picture

Not long enough.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:04 | 4323780 Yenbot
Yenbot's picture

Let me guess. Woman-owned minority small business. Administration cousins.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:21 | 4323821 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I'd say thats about right.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:22 | 4323825 knukles
knukles's picture

No-bid contract, award sealed under national security priorities, visited WH 379 times since 2008, important Democratic bundlers, rumored candidate for Ambassadorship to Kenya

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:34 | 4323856 nmewn
nmewn's picture

What we need is a real professional here, someone to bring this thing up to its full throbbing potential & girth and expand upon the concept.

Maybe Kathleen Sebelius ;-)

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:44 | 4323882 knukles
knukles's picture

Looks like a paper bag?
Comes complete with tourniquet for after gnawing off own arm?

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:50 | 4323900 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Thats the one.

Sold with Kate Upton's picture on it all the way through checkout, its the damndest money making thing in the known universe.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:10 | 4323793 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Did they use Howie Mandel's head in that study?

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 21:41 | 4323984 GotNuttin'todo
GotNuttin'todo's picture

That is where they got the Canadian stats from.

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 09:57 | 4324496 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Only for the 5:1 gang bang.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:12 | 4323799 notadouche
notadouche's picture

Yes it's the ill fit that makes men not want to wear condoms.  

Now really, in the US there is enough information out there that a man of free will can make a choice that is appropriate for him an or her.  Our govenment is one of denial.  They know the truth as to why most men don't like to wear condoms but that just isn't the answer they want so now they have to invent an answer that fits their narrative better.  The narrative that states "we must continue to invent more and more ways to nickel and dime the taxpayer until we have all the nickel and dimes".

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 20:16 | 4323807 Bazza McKenzie
Bazza McKenzie's picture

So the Canuks have bigger peckers than the Yanks.  That's a bit of a poke in the eye.

Sat, 01/11/2014 - 21:40 | 4323982 GotNuttin'todo
GotNuttin'todo's picture

Poke in the eye? I thought it was a poke in the Y. No wonder I need an extra large - NOT!

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 13:50 | 4324839 SmackDaddy
SmackDaddy's picture

well most Americans gain an extra inch when you push the fat back from around the base

Sun, 01/12/2014 - 10:49 | 4324540 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

It's based on average...ahem...

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