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Monday Humor: Portland Pimp Sues Nike For "Dangerous Weapon"-ized Trainers

Tyler Durden's picture


While McDonalds "coffee is hot" warning labels and litigation was a farce of lowest-common-denominator American exceptionalism; SirGriorgio Clardy, a Portland pimp, is suing Nike for not specifying that his trainers could be used as a dangerous weapon. As NBC News reports, Clardy is seeking $100 million from the Oregon sportswear company after he was sentenced to 100 years in prison for brutally beating a 'john' with his sneaker (apparently unaware of their potential for danger when one stomps on the face of another human being).



Via NBC News,



Sirgiorgio Clardy, 26, claims Nike should have placed a warning in the shoes warning consumers that the kicks have the potential to be used as a dangerous weapon, according to The Oregonian newspaper. Clardy is seeking $100 million for what he believes was the shoe manufacturer’s oversight.


In June, Clardy repeatedly stomped on the face of a client with his Jordan Nike shoes when the man refused to pay Clardy’s prostitute. The man required stitches and plastic surgery after the beating.


Clardy was sentenced to 100 years in prison for beating the man as well as attacking an 18-year-old prostitute so violently that she bled from her ears.




The jury in Clardy’s most recent case called him a “dangerous offender” and classified his shoes as “a dangerous weapon” in order to assure he received the longest prison sentence possible, according to The Oregonian.


Clardy wrote a three-page complaint against Nike from the Eastern Oregon Correctional Institution where he is incarcerated, reported The Oregonian. In the claim he said Nike “failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction,” by not cautioning that their shoes are “potentially dangerous.”


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Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:24 | 4328776 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Playa's just tryin' t'earn a living, yo.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:28 | 4328788 markovchainey
markovchainey's picture

I almost hope he you know how much Pruno $100 million will buy?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:31 | 4328806 fonestar
fonestar's picture

Bitcoin can help eliminate violence against sex workers around the world by eliminating the middle man.  Bankers and pimps share much in common.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:34 | 4328817 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Bitcoin can eliminate sex-  fonebone is walking proof of that.....

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:58 | 4328935 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Free Jon Corzine!

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:07 | 4328957 dryam
dryam's picture

"If I had a son, he would look like SirGiriogio."  

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:23 | 4328997 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

Pimp 101, Chapter 1, "The Pimp HAND".

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:32 | 4329024 Manthong
Manthong's picture

That’s almost as funny as the government fining a big bank for criminal and negligent operations.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:46 | 4329054 knukles
knukles's picture

If I had a pimp for a son, he'd look just like....

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 03:10 | 4329947 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

behind every lawsuit is a greedy lawyer.


BTW, your politicians are likely to be lawyers too.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 06:58 | 4330112 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



So I buy this hammer at Costco......came with a warning not strike pimps with this product.


I'm glad they put that there.....cause that was the first thing I thought about doing with it.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:25 | 4329006 Freddie
Freddie's picture

He looks just like DeBlasio's kid.  Maybe his brother.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:53 | 4329072 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Time for a Beer Summit!

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:58 | 4329089 Fredo Corleone
Fredo Corleone's picture

Freddie, great catch. Still laughing.


Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:34 | 4328823 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Even bitcoin pimps?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:41 | 4328843 fonestar
fonestar's picture

1 BTC will buy you a lot of bitbitchez in five years.

What's in your wallet.dat?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:43 | 4328855 nmewn
nmewn's picture

As long as they got a barcode tat on their

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:46 | 4328877 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture




When eyes bees wearin my top-siders my bitches don't combplain bout da stompin.  Damn nikes.  I aint stealin no mo air jordans (the best NBA ever to live, die or otherwise).

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:47 | 4328878 the0ther
the0ther's picture

Man I been thinking and thinking about what tattoo to get and I think you just helped me to decide.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:50 | 4328897 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

As long as they got a barcode tat on their

Always check for the tramp stamp mark of quality.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:48 | 4329063 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh, you should check for
The tramp stamp label
When you are buying a girl, boy or cow...

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:49 | 4328894 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Bitcoin will be dealt with by TPTB when it is to their best advantage, and to your macimum disadvantage, to do so.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:54 | 4328915 fonestar
fonestar's picture

TPTB are unable to deal with those who have achieved Satoshi conciousness.  Because we have reached the greatest computing power on Earth means that we are more intelligent than virtually everyone on Earth.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:21 | 4329306 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture


Tue, 01/14/2014 - 09:39 | 4330296 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

$100M sure buy a lot of Jordans!

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:44 | 4329052 Kirk2NCC1701
Tue, 01/14/2014 - 09:22 | 4330257 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

Enough to die from botulism.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:29 | 4328790 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

There needs to be a National Sneaker Owners Registry with a 10 day waiting period before buying "kicks".

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:39 | 4328830 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Sneakers don't kill, pimps with sneakers do.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:14 | 4328976 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

As his lawyer I'd have recommended he wear Bruno Magli shoes, like OJ.

"Hmmm, Nikes.  I'm not sure what I can do with this, kid."

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:20 | 4328991 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

If the Nike Jordans fit you must run, skinflint.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:28 | 4329013 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Felony flyers

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:49 | 4329064 Offthebeach
Offthebeach's picture

If you want to keep your Nike Jordans, you can.

( prison excepted. )

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:29 | 4328793 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

100 years in prison gon' give him plenyatime to figure out what ta do wit it, too.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:32 | 4328814 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Dude is just trying to stay alive in prison- after his buddies find out how he abused his Nikes,  he'll be lower than a pedophile in the yard........

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:43 | 4328853 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

If Barry had a son....

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:50 | 4328896 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

....he might resemble Sirgiorgio Clardy, aka The Duke Of Pearl aka Chester Dangerfield aka Little Big aka The Magnificent Seven....

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:58 | 4328931 Mike in GA
Mike in GA's picture

stomp we much!

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:31 | 4328807 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture

yo dat.

not to one-upsmanship this dude or anything... but many of my personal friends can attest that any of my footwear might be classified as an even more dangerous weapon just for being removed from my feet and allowed to air.

i've got a lawyer on retainer just in case...

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 23:52 | 4329650 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

I thought the first was being born in the US of A?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:59 | 4328936 Xploregon
Xploregon's picture

"Keeping Portland Weird" one freek'in stupid loser at a time.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:49 | 4329066 tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

The perp's Portland in a +40 year old time warp?

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 00:02 | 4329680 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

The hoez had no time for the corn rowz....

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:37 | 4329195 Overfed
Overfed's picture

It's funny. Portland is the only big city I've ever been in that I don't hate. I freakin' hate Seattle, and Tacoma and Federal Way aren't much better. Spokane is a shithole if ever there was one. Portland ain't so bad.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 03:13 | 4329954 sylviasays
sylviasays's picture

Portland? That soggy shithole of a city where fat leftist man-hating lesbians dominate? 

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:25 | 4328780 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

Who's the bigger sleezebag, the pimp or his lawyer?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:28 | 4328787 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Maybe they could both be subjected to some test runs to determine just how dangerous a weapon those shoes really are - you know, before deciding on the wording of the warning. 

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:30 | 4328800 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

They can sue me for dangerously not giving a fuck. Darwin Awards all around.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:31 | 4328810 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Nike's working on the new Cross-Crime line of shoes; sharpened toe section for cutting, reinforced heel for stomping, and light weight body with solid traction for fleeing the cops.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:05 | 4328954 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Then Nike should go all-in include some of these shoe spikes (which look like a retread of an old Fred Perrin design)

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:42 | 4328854 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture


Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:59 | 4328930 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

While I hardly empathize with the pimp, this suit is all the jury's/prosecuter's fault for taking a law and using it to further an agenda.

They created a fucked up legal precedent, and now they're going to have to live with the consequences of it.

Now excuse me while I go out to the shoe store so I can reload.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:15 | 4328970 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

In an encroaching police state, laws are written to be interpreted broadly.  First, the law is interpreted against a guy everyone can agree is an asshole who is sentenced to 100 years for using shoes to commit assault.  His shoes are a deadly weapon, so put him away for life.   There is no public outcry because no one would defend the animal.   Next, the case is cited as precedent for charging a protestor with assault with a deadly weapon for throwing his shoe at a banker.  That's how they do it.  

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:55 | 4329070 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Once an unconstitutional framework of gov has been set in place, all it takes is a "good" leader as viewed by the populace, to make use of this power.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:42 | 4329208 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Now I'm getting concerned about my steel-toed boots. Even worse, I have a pair of caulks (pronounced corks here in FEMA region X), I'm a dangerous criminal.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:26 | 4328785 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

Lawyers gonna jump on this one!



Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:28 | 4328789 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    Does that mean I'm going to have to register all my shoes as lethal weapons with the Feds.?  Will flip-flops have an exclusion?

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 01:17 | 4329807 Reckonball
Reckonball's picture

Will my size 16 steel-toe boots be deemed"Weapons of Mass Destruction"?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:29 | 4328792 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

you gotta hand it to the guy for trying ...

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:29 | 4328799 Duke of Earl
Duke of Earl's picture

Everyone's a victim.  It's the shoes fault!

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:30 | 4328801 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

100 years.... the guy is clearly a douche of some magnitude, but that is just ridiculous. 100 years.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:43 | 4328861 the0ther
the0ther's picture

Does anybody actually serve the entire sentence anymore? 

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:52 | 4328906 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Hell no nigga. He need the 100 large to re-establish sum street cred after a couple o' years working out in the prison gym, yo.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:17 | 4329148 Hugh G Rection
Hugh G Rection's picture

Oregon prisons still have weights?  Hmm, might save me on gym fees to do a stretch...

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:47 | 4328875 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

The American just us system at work.  He beat a guy up.  He deserves to do time, but I'm with you that it seems excessive.  Part of the reason we have more people in prison than any other country by far.  You would think that on a website whose posters are predominently against the police state, you would receive fewer downvotes.  Then again, why am I not surprised?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:54 | 4328911 W74
W74's picture

Attempted murder?  That's how I'd've charged it.  Clearly the guy is a violent animal and who would be surprized if this 26 year old didn't have a rap sheet a dozen pages long.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:02 | 4328942 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I'm guessing there's a reason they didn't charge it that way, but that's the beauty of the American just us system,if you're into police state stuff.   

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:26 | 4329008 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Have you seen the DA's and those who pass off as judges today?  It's a reality televison T&A show.  A Liberal cesspool of injustice, just ask anyone who went through divorce court.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:01 | 4328941 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

I walk into a bar or someone's place of work, their shit's scared

They know I ain't no cop, they think I come to kill 'em

And I would.  I'd kill any man who crosses me... or put 'em in the hospital

I don't 'mess around', know what I mean?

Straight off I nut 'em in the face

And bring my heel down on that foot... and break da bone

I'm a bad man *





Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:24 | 4329315 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Yeah, stomping a couple of people is one thing. What was Corzine's weapon again? Will Wingtips qualify for this rule too?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:30 | 4328802 stock trout
stock trout's picture

With shoes out there like these sooner or later we'll have to take our shoes off to even get on an airplane.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:30 | 4328803 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Can I sue Nike if I trip over a shoelace? How about if I break my toe on a rock?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:43 | 4328858 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Depends if it's a dime or a dub, yo.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:35 | 4328809 PacOps
PacOps's picture

Leaving MacWorld in SF about 10 years ago - guy is stomping hell out of another across the street. I yell out for him to stop. He kicks the guy in the head a few more times and walks off. I call 911 on my cell and tell the dispatcher my dog and I are following and will vector a squad car in while an ambulance is dispatched for the victim. Long story short - guy is arrested (I have to prefer charges as the cops didn't see it). I get a letter from his attorney some weeks later. I am being sued for false arrest. Ignored it and never heard back.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:51 | 4328902 W74
W74's picture

In Phenix City (yes, spelled correctly) Alabama in 2006 I saw a black guy throw a brick into the spinal area of another black guy.  A mob of other blacks cheered the fight on encouraging the attacker and doing nothing to intervene.  They simply smelled blood and converged on the wounded.  We simply got the hell out of there and this was a block from the courthouse.  In all likelihood the attacker was lauded as an alpha male and had no shortage of breeding females throwing themselves at the thug.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:31 | 4329020 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Nice job trying to be a responsible citizen in an insane world.  SF is weird like that with homeless ready to thrown down for a fight about anything.  The homeless do meancing crap down by the tourist areas by the wharf.  A sort of panhandling through intimidation.

Is that your dog in the avatar?  Looks like a beautiful dog.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:46 | 4329055 PacOps
PacOps's picture

Yes. Plush Coat German Shepherd Dog. 125lbs. Cross trained, service & personal protection. Deceased Nov. 2006. Thanks.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 02:43 | 4329916 Freddie
Freddie's picture

I am sorry for your loss.  What a beautiful dog. What a coat.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:06 | 4329105 itstippy
itstippy's picture

Back in my youth I was in a fairly rowdy drinking establishment on a Saturday night.  There was a big bad dude, really nasty looking, in the back room where the pool table was, being loud and obnoxious.  In the main part of the bar was a little guy that looked like Richard Simmons sitting at a table with a couple other meek-looking guys.

Richard Simmons guy gets up, plugs some money into the juke box, and sits back at the table.  An Eddie Money tune starts playing.  Big Bad Ass dude comes out of the back room and demands to know what faggot played that faggot shit.  Richard Simmons guy counters with a comment about big guys having small peckers.  Big Bad Ass dude gets a wild look in his eye, says something about kicking ass, and starts for Richard Simmons guy. Richard Simmons guy jumps to his feet.  His feet, by the way, were clad in black biker boots with thick heels (I thought to make him look taller).

Richard Simmons guy kicked Bad Ass Dude so hard in the kneecap it cracked like breaking a tree branch.  Big Bad Ass went down, and Richard Simmons kicked him once more, full force in the face, with those black boots.  For sure he broke his nose and half his teeth, and probably also his eye socket. Big Bad Ass Dude was on the floor out cold, wheezing through his broken nose and ruined mouth (blood gushing from both).  The bartender called the cops.

By the time the cops got there Richard Simmons guy was long gone, and Big Bad Ass Dude was sitting up on the floor half conscious.  Three witnesses swore the "little guy acted in self defense".  The cops found out Big Bad Ass Dude was on parole or probation or something, wasn't supposed to be in drinking establishments or engaging in fights.  The meat wagon hauled him off to the hospital and I'm sure he was jailed after that.

I don't know about Nike sneakers, but beware those big black Doc Martin style biker boots.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 03:35 | 4330008 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Doc Marten 

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:31 | 4328811 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

Only sissy pimps use lawsuits to fix a problem.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:38 | 4328837 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Like Rand Paul?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:41 | 4328844 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Rand Paul is a pimp?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:43 | 4328860 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

According to Freedom X he is.  And a sissy one at that.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:44 | 4328863 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

No. He's a lawsuit.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:48 | 4328886 nmewn
nmewn's picture


(Cymbals crashing)

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 00:23 | 4329731 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

I swear I heard that. Great 2-d sound effect there nm.... :-)


Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:34 | 4328821 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture


Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:35 | 4328827 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

There should be a warning just for that afro!

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:53 | 4328910 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Could have a short shotgun stashed up in all dat.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:25 | 4329002 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

If Don King had a son....

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:37 | 4328833 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

... you can keep your afro if you want ...

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:40 | 4328842 cheetahbaby
cheetahbaby's picture

This tactic may actually work in blue states. Use the gun control meme.  Since certain "groups" in society can't handle guns responsibly, then ban them for everyone. Same with sneakers. Maybe the O'bummer will then insist that we all wear Muslim sandals. That way we can merely slap each with them or throw them at each other after a perceived slight.....

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:41 | 4328846 the0ther
the0ther's picture

Based on mugshot 100 years seems about right to me. Fuck that guy.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:43 | 4328857 22winmag
22winmag's picture

All jokes aside, he is right and makes a great case... smart lawyers should lining up for an audience with this guy.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:46 | 4328871 W74
W74's picture

It be Whitey fault.

It be Nike fault.

It be da skool fault.

It be da lack uv opporunitiez.

Society forced me to be a pimp.

It beez da po'leece fault.

It be da judge/laywers/jury fault.....


Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:36 | 4329034 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Personally - I could care less about Phil Knight and Nike.  Nike hires pimp athletes to sell pimp & gangsta culture while paying workers peanuts in third world countries.   Their shoes are made like shit and fall apart.  This includes running shoes and golf shoes.  They use the cheapest glue. 

WMT and others make a fortune off food stamps but if there was no welfare and food stamps then Nike would go out of business.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:53 | 4328874 One And Only
One And Only's picture

A liberal solution:

All new sneaker consumers must pass an extensive federal background check and wait a mandatory 21 days before purchasing new sneakers. Shoe laces will be limited to one pair of shoe laces per anum unless cause for additional shoe laces can be proven - waivers will be reviewed by the Department of Justice on an 'as needed' basis. The number of shoes per year should be limited to not more then two per anum. Children and those under the age of 21 will be prohibited from purchasing sneakers unless with the consent of a legal guardian and only after proving the child has a need for foot wear. A tax of 21% will be levied on those who provide material for making sneakers. Those wishing to wear sneakers in public will need to file a license through their respective state and approved by the ATFS (Alcohol Tobacco Firearms And Sneaker) agency.

These measures will be enacted to protect our children and keep our streets safe. All violations will be administered under the Federal court system and those in breach will be held accountable under the full extent of the law.

I'm sure American's will stand behind these measures to stop unnecessary deaths and violence towards our women and children. 

SNEAKERS KILL. Stop the violence.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:17 | 4329145 tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

Footnote: Exempted from measure are 1) communities where sneakers are traditional culture, 2) communities where sneakers are slung of telephone or electric wires and worshiped as religious icons, 3) communities where sneakers are required to guarantee freedom by outrunning the popo.


Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:48 | 4328885 Make_Mine_A_Double
Make_Mine_A_Double's picture

Won't go nowheres. Nike barebacks Oygun whenever they feel like it.

Most recently when they carved out a special tax exemption for Nike only the corporate tax increase. This even though all Nike does in Oregon is design.


Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:49 | 4328890 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Another reason why we are flat out broke. Put a bullet in this guys head, save the room and board for a hundred years and the bullshit lawsuit costs...

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:53 | 4328909 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Judge elclectic syncretist would release him into a heavily armed prison population armed only with his Nike's.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:38 | 4329041 Honey Badger
Honey Badger's picture


Tue, 01/14/2014 - 07:34 | 4330139 BigJim
BigJim's picture

I wouldn't be too free with handing out the death sentences... a substantial percentage of the people on death row turn out to be innocent. Could be you're in there one day... on a life sentence, there's some chance of getting your name cleared before you're dead... on a death sentence? Not so much.

Remember... the just us system is administered by the biggest crims of all - the State.

These are people who think nothing of sending young men to kill and be killed on some foreign shore for no good reason... you think they'd think twice about offing you if it was expedient?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:55 | 4328908 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Putting aside the fact that the lawsuit is frivolous (note that he is not represented -- he is a jailhouse lawyer with time on his hands), I think the guy is making a point that his shoes were not a dangerous weapon.  He is serving 100 years because the jury in his criminal case said they are a dangerous weapon, which greatly increases the potential sentence.  Guy may be an asshole, but he knows irony.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 19:57 | 4328921 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Point. It will be interesting if a dismissal on this suit ends up getting him a mistrial in the other.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:24 | 4329000 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Well, its a stupid point.

A pillow isn't a dangerous weapon either, until you hold it over someones face and suffocate them. I wonder if his bunk mate Daisy knows about that ;-)

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:36 | 4329030 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Will you say it's a stupid point when a protestor is charged with using a deadly weapon and sentenced to life for throwing his shoe at a banker based on the same law?   Keep in mind that jurors are not told what the sentence will be.  They are just asked if it was an aggravated crime.  If shoes are considered by legal precedent to be a deadly weapon, then throwing a shoe at a banker is assault with a deadly weapon which carries a much higher penalty than simple assault.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:10 | 4329132 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Anything can be made into a weapon LTER. Its the act of using it as a weapon, that makes it a weapon.

Just add water ;-)

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:33 | 4329184 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Or shoes.   You do realize that such a broad interpretation of "weapon" feeds the power of the police state, right?  Kind of like how terrorism is now defined so broadly.  I'm not sure you know what you're for.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:54 | 4329241 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"You do realize that such a broad interpretation of "weapon" feeds the power of the police state, right?"

You're really not going to hold up a pimp, as the vehicle to reproach the police state are you? Wouldn't granny, having to buy an illegal gun off the pimp, in order to protect herself against armed criminals (because of restrictions by the state) be better?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:01 | 4329257 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Of course granny would be the easier case.  Freedom is not easy, and encroachments on freedom are often popular (think Patriot Act, and this guy).  You can't stand for something only when it's popular and convenient, or you stand for nothing but yourself.  

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:19 | 4329300 nmewn
nmewn's picture

LTER, dude, boopsie...

"In June, Clardy repeatedly stomped on the face of a client with his Jordan Nike shoes when the man refused to pay Clardy’s prostitute. The man required stitches and plastic surgery after the beating. Clardy was sentenced to 100 years in prison for beating the man as well as attacking an 18-year-old prostitute so violently that she bled from her ears."

I'm really not thinking about the suffering of this guy and his "Jordan Nike" killer shoes.

While there are no "popular people" in this whole sordid saga, I can clearly pick out the worst among them. That would be the predator standing over them all, with the bloody Jordan Nike's on.

If it were up to me, he would get the same treatment he afforded others, instead of some bullshit about "the shoes made me do it".

And you?

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:23 | 4329308 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

So you're a blow with the easy wind kind of guy who believes in something so long as it is convenient to you.  Got it.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:43 | 4329326 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I'm a little turned off by beating 18yr old girls until blood comes out of their ears...I have to say, yes.


Furthermore (now that you've got my blood up) live around Clearwater if I remember right. Why don't you go down to Greenwood Ave and pass some "Jordan Nike's" out as consolation prizes to the hookers down there (tell them why, purty please) and see what their reaction is.

You might be surprised how little they think of your high minded nonsense ;-)

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 07:45 | 4330143 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Much as I tire of LTER's repeated doucheness on all things rhyming with 'and', she's right on this one. The more expedient absurdities there are in the legal code that allow the Just us system to punish genuine wrongdoers beyond the usual tariffs, the more chance these same expedients will be used by the State to punish those it considers its enemies. DO you want the Rule of Law? Or the Rule of Man?

As for the 'bleeding from the ears' - is that from the ear canals? Or did he hit her upside the head and her hoop earrings pulled at her earlobes and made the piercings bleed?

We just don't know (unless, of course, you've done yer due diligence and know more of the 'facts' of this case than are presented in Tyler's snippets)

People regularly rape and murder and get sentenced to far less than 100 years.

If this pimp had stomped on a man with his bare feet and caused the same injuries, would the act be somehow less felonious and deserving of fewer years?

Shit like this brings the Just us system into (further) disrepute.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 19:07 | 4332206 nmewn
nmewn's picture

More than likely the sentence is the result of his past crimes as much as it is these current ones.

And no, this is not a defense of minimum mandatory or three strikes and you're out, which are as equally stupid with no latitude given to the judge. I guy caught numerous times shopifting, then sticks up the place (for example) is not a career criminal.

But at some point you have to take out the garbage unless we're gonna go all vigilante on bastards like the pimp...and there ain't much "law" in that...only justice ;-)

He'll get it knocked down to time served on appeal anyways, its the way it usually works.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:56 | 4329247 Overfed
Overfed's picture

 I think LTER is nailing it right on the head here. In a police state where people are charged with terrorism and using a WMD for setting off a pipe bomb, throwing a shoe could easily be construed as assault with a deadly weapon if it's politically expedient.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:16 | 4329285 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Thanks for making my point better than I did.  Exactly -- virtually any weapon is now considered a WMD, subjecting the perp to Federal terrorism prosecution or rendition.    And now shoes count as weapons.  You could probably hurt more than one person with shoes (two shoes), so I guess those are WMD's too.  And the crowds cheered as the shoe wielding pimp was sent away for life.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 03:16 | 4329962 sylviasays
sylviasays's picture

Somebody free that pimp so he can beat on LetThemEatRand! Please! 

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 07:48 | 4330148 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

So Dubya did escape/dodge a shoe, pardon me, a deadly weapon, which of course makes the shoe thrower a dangerous terrorist

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:06 | 4329124 Five8Charlie
Five8Charlie's picture

The point is that giving someone more time based on an undefined 'dangerous weapon' is stupid.


If the jury finds him to be a danger to society based on this and prior convictions, fine, throw away the key. But doing that based on a something ridiculous like determining shoes are a dangerous weapon is stupid. This guy is the danger, not his clothing.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 05:43 | 4330069 secured_party-c...
secured_party-creditor's picture

We've heard the same argument with those "assholes" trying to take guns from society.....sheer ignorance ...

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:01 | 4328939 chump666
chump666's picture

“Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”

William Shakespeare, Macbeth

You can thank central planners and Obama's socialist/crony wonderland

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:05 | 4328952 q99x2
q99x2's picture

A crime unpunished put the world out of balance.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:06 | 4328955 jack stephan
jack stephan's picture

Hey it's better than that blow torch story with that poor kid. Every day articles reinforce why I'm packing. If its not weaponized footwear made by flood victims for a thin dime, it's some dope who drives his truck through the doors of a convenience store for a "banana". Yes, seriously.

There is a million other left hand path stories, this one in particular is like "diet" story.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:13 | 4328968 Yancey Ward
Yancey Ward's picture

If Obama had a son, that might be him.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 05:14 | 4330061 geewhiz
geewhiz's picture

Good thing he doesn't do women then.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:14 | 4328969 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

It would be perfect irony if this guy was beaten to death with the Blacks Law Dictionary.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:16 | 4328980 Wannabee
Wannabee's picture

Filing in the wrong state. In Cali, he 'd have a good chance of triple damages.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:25 | 4329005 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

My wife has over a hundred pairs of shoes in the closet. I'm gonna have to turn her in. It's my duty.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:15 | 4329133 luckylogger
luckylogger's picture

Good idea- one way to take care of the troll......

Watch out beaniebabies this may be a new trend.

We could get funding from the prison guard unions and maybe they could give a 100k reward for all of us honest god loving guys who are constantly being barraged by ducking these dangerous weapons......

I mean? what did i do wrong?.... no guy can ever answer that one.....

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:11 | 4329137 Five8Charlie
Five8Charlie's picture

see something, say sometime.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 20:57 | 4329086 The Count
The Count's picture

Which sheister lawywer would even accept a law suit as frivolous and idiotic as this one?

That's exactly whats wrong with this country - common sense stolen by aliens.

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:21 | 4329161 squexx
squexx's picture

A shyster lawyer from the Satanic Tribe probably would. And they've been working harder to destroy the USA than anyone else!

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:01 | 4329108 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Not defending the guy but he has a point if the jury is classifying sneakers as 'dangerous weapons'. You'd do the same also in his case. The jury are the real idiots here arbitrarily declaring things as dangerous weapons and probably illegally at the same time opening up the can of unintended consequences when having a slam dunk conviction just isn't enough. Jokers to the left, clowns to the right..........

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:24 | 4329169 squexx
squexx's picture

If they outlaw Nikes, only outlaws will have Nikes.

Seriously tho, this punk is only trying to game the system and get jailhouse cred by "sticking it to the man" or "fighting the system" or some such other bullshit. The bad part is, taxpayers have to keep this SOB warm and fed until the day he dies. Rope or a bullet to the back of the head would be MUCH cheaper and simpler!!!

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 21:57 | 4329250 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Just a reason for Homeland Security to require everyone to register their shoes....

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:06 | 4329270 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

Erase this fucking turd.  Save the taxpayers the cost. 

Mon, 01/13/2014 - 22:58 | 4329437 El
El's picture

You lost me after: "While McDonalds "coffee is hot" warning labels and litigation was a farce of lowest-common-denominator American exceptionalism..."

Apparently you are willing to blindly accept mainstream least on some issues, because you clearly know nothing about the facts of that case.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 01:27 | 4329824 SF beatnik
SF beatnik's picture

Upgrade frivolous lawsuit penalty to 100 lashes.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 01:56 | 4329872 Evolutionary Outrage
Evolutionary Outrage's picture

The MacDonald's coffee lawsuit was not frivolous.  It was a noble selfless act.  Look it up.

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 04:40 | 4330051 kurt
kurt's picture

Sorry I just can't get into this Oregon Tale

Tue, 01/14/2014 - 07:55 | 4330161 happel
happel's picture

Brotha just helping his hoes get what's theirs. Ho's gotta eat, too.



Tue, 01/14/2014 - 09:07 | 4330230 supercorm
supercorm's picture

I suggest you read a little on the McDonalds coffee case...

... the old woman actually suffered 2nd degree burns when the coffee feel between her legs, with skin peeling off.  She went straight to surgery, and stayed at the hospitals for days.  She initially claimed the hospital bill to McDonalds while suggesting the coffee temperature could be turned down.  McDonalds offered her a pitance.  She then, insulted, decided to sue.  Only then did they discovered that McDonalds actually removed the safetly on the machine (not a machine by McDonalds) to serve the coffee dangerously hot.  The reason for serving the coffee at boiling temperature was because clients usually eat first and then drink the coffee, and McDonalds realized that it was too costly remplacing the cold coffee, and that it was less costly to just get sued once in a while for burns.  Purely mathematical on McDonalds side, they didn't mind putting their customers health at risk.  In fact, more than 600 people per day get serious burns on McDonalds coffee.  The old lady sued and won, there was punitive damages, etc.  At the end, appeal after appeal, the settlement was much smaller than advertized...

... but the simple fact is that case is beeing abused, miscommunicated, misadvertized, sadly.

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