Now Sold At CostCo, For The Low, Low Price Of Only $15,999.99

Tyler Durden's picture

It hasn't been a good year for discount retailers which rely on the broke US consumer to grow, such as Walmart, Target and Costco, the latter of which in the past has seemingly tried everything it could in the commodity business, even going as far as selling bundled provisions for the apocalypse. Alas, so far it has been unable to boost its margins, and since it is not Amazon where failure is rewarded, or else Jeff Bezos just hypnotizes everyone with his latest money-losing contraption (but, but it has such a great growth rate), it is time Costco tried something different to boost margins. Something really different. Such as selling a Superbowl lower level package for two for the low, low price of $15,999.99.

Indeed: once upon a time getting tickets to the Superbowl was a private affair and usually involved knowing a hedge fund manager, the real life equivalent of Walter White, the owner of Tickermaster, or having participated in at least 10 porn movies... in the New Normal one can simply purchase Superbowl tickets at your nearest discount retailer's website.

From CostCo:

 

So what does nearly half of the median US annual wage get you?

Super Bowl Game Package
Metlife Stadium
East Rutherford, NJ
January 30, 2014 through February 3, 2014

The vibrant energy and excitement of New York City awaits you with this incredible four night package, including 2 tickets to football’s ultimate championship game that will be played at Metlife Stadium in Rutherford, NJ. Your Super Bowl game package is complete with your 2 game tickets and accommodations at the Westin Hotel, New York - Times Square, tickets to the Taste of the NFL (one of the premier events of the weekend), roundtrip transportation from the hotel to all the game day activity including an exclusive pregame party aboard a privately chartered yacht (Hornblower Hybrid) featuring guest speaker Archie Manning while cruising the harbor and seeing the sights of the city as they can only be seen on the waterways.

For inquiries regarding the Super Bowl Game Package, please email events@sportevents.com or call toll free (888) 699-4040. Customer service hours are Monday through Friday, 9 am to 5 pm EST (calls after hours including weekends are routed to an answering service to leave a message)

Super Bowl Lower-Level Package for Two includes:
Accommodations:

  • Five (5) days and four (4) nights accommodations for two at the Westin Hotel in Times Square
  • January 30, 2014 – February 3, 2014
  • Souvenir gift bag
  • Sports Events staff members are on-site at hotel locations and all program events, to assist members (Thursday-Sunday)

Game Tickets:

  • Two (2) Lower-Level Corner tickets to the game
  • Sunday, February 2, 2014
  • MetLife Stadium - East Rutherford, NJ

The Taste of the NFL is a non-profit organization dedicated to raise awareness to fight hunger, and support food banks around the county by rallying the country’s best chefs and the NFL’s greatest to support hunger relief. Sample fine cuisine, meet and mingle with renowned chefs and NFL greats and participate in a silent auction with unique sports memorabilia and other exciting items.

  • Two (2) tickets - Saturday, February 1, 2014
  • Starts at 7:00pm at Brooklyn Cruise Terminal Pier 12
  • Attire- business or cocktail dress is suggested, but not required
  • The entertainment begins at approximately 10:00pm - after the food service and silent auction conclude for more information visit: www.tasteofthenfl.com
  • NFL’s wine and food event featuring 35 of the country’s best chefs (including one from each of the 32 NFL markets) are paired with a current or alumni player from each NFL team
  • Participating Chefs visit: http://www.tasteofthenfl.com/superbowlevent/tnfl_chefs
  • Participating Players visit: http://www.tasteofthenfl.com/superbowlevent/players

Pre-game party includes:

  • Two (2) tickets - Sunday, February 2, 2014
  • Hornblower Hybrid Cruise- privately chartered yacht
  • Tour the harbor and sights of NYC from the water and dock in New Jersey (3) hours
  • Time - 11:45am–12:15pm board; 12:15pm-3:00pm event (cruise); 3:00pm-3:30 disembark vessel
  • Featured guest speaker, Archie Manning, NFL great and father of two Super Bowl Quarterbacks
  • Open full premium bars (21+ to consume alcohol, ID check on admission)
  • Hors d’oeuvres and entrées featuring NYC favorites
  • Pre-game coverage showed via on board televisions
  • Personal appearances by NFL Alumni

Game day transportation:

  • Round-trip transportation on game day - Sunday, February 2, 2014
  • Ride via motor coaches
  • Provided from hotel to pregame party, from the pregame party to the stadium, and from the stadium back to hotel following the conclusion of the game (60 mins from game end), buses will bring guests back to their hotel locations

Terms & Conditions:

  • Airfare or travel is not included in the package price
  • Airport Transfer to and from hotel not included
  • Transportation to and from the Taste of the NFL not included
  • The Purchaser and guest are responsible for any expenses not listed herein

Shipping Process:

  • A Sports Events representative will contact member via phone or email to verify member order within 24 hours
  • Confirm guest names to list on hotel room reservation and preferred bed type (King or double)
  • Member's will then receive an email confirmation (including basic program agenda & hotel confirmation number) for the event package
  • Super Bowl tickets, members will pick them up from the on-site Sport Events hospitality desk located in the designated hotel location during the program from 9am - 4pm Thursday - Saturday

* * *

So how long until every other discount retailer offers comparable packages, and in the process commoditizes the Super Bowl to the point where none of the 1% will want to come within 100 miles of a venue where tickets can be bought by the peasantry (thanks to that 5th HU(nderwater)ELOC offered by the Federal Reserve Bank JPMorgan) at a place like WalMart, Family Dollar or your generic, friendly neighborhood 99 cent store?