Friday Horror: Forget "Bros" And Easy Women - Obamacare's Latest Pitchman Is Richard Simmons

Tyler Durden's picture


In order to appeal to their target demographics, the smart people in the marketing department at Obamacare central have provided us with such wonders as kegstanding "bros" and easy-women. However, the following clip - which almost defies description - shows just how desparate (or clueless) the administration has become, as a #GetCovered promo turns dirty-dancing-meets-twerking as Richard Simmons and an unknown male assailant begin to...well just watch...



As a painful reminder - if one were needed - fitsnews notes that: 

In case you’re wondering, Covered California received $43 million worth of federal grant money last year to “educate targeted audiences about the subsidy programs available to them and to motivate consumers and small businesses to be part of obtaining health insurance.”

Thanks taxpayer for funding this orgy of eye-gouging hell...we will never be able to un-see that!

(on a different note, who else thinks Richard Simmons looks like David Darst?)

It's funny because you never see them together?


h/t Will

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Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:10 | 4342491 Jannn
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Spectacular Gold Demand (79 Tons) on SGE in Week 2, 2014

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:44 | 4342507 Cult_of_Reason
Cult_of_Reason's picture

Public Debt as % of GDP:

(Reagan + Clinton + Bush) combined have increased US debt by 25% of GDP or by $4.5 trillion; from 35% to 60% of GDP over 30 years to fund Cold War + Yugoslavia War + Gulf War + Iraq War + Afghanistan War. 

This president alone has increased US debt by over $7.5 trillion or by 40% of GDP; from 60% to over 100% of GDP in just 5 years, and he is not even done yet, he has 3 more years to borrow and spend.

Is this sustainable?

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:00 | 4342684 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Maybe your remarks were OT, but since I couldn't stomach to finish the video..., perhaps they were spot on.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:21 | 4342758 ThaBigPerm
ThaBigPerm's picture

Watch this one instead - same thing, no Richard Simmons

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:46 | 4342834 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture


life imitates art imitates...

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 21:33 | 4342944 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

Nuke it from orbit.   It's the only way to be sure.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 22:32 | 4343058 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I think I see what they're doing here.  It's simple.  You see, they are intentionally trying to induce spontaneous cancer in the eyes and brain of anyone who sees this.  It's wrought with subliminal messaging and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) to invoke ulcers, seizures, and uncontrollable urges to (if one is male) rip one's penis out at the socket and hurl it as far away from them as possible, being hypnotized into believing their penis is an evil creature hell bent on ultimate destruction of the Earth.  It's so fucking obvious.

I am Chumbawamba.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 02:29 | 4343426 bigkahuna
bigkahuna's picture


Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:35 | 4342786 Cult_of_Reason
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The topic is Friday Horror, and the rate of US debt growth frighten the hell out of me. Walter J. Zimmermann Jr. is an overly optimistic person with his rosy 450 S&P-500 prediction.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 10:17 | 4342844 remain calm
remain calm's picture

Video Message: Get covered. HIV drugs are expensive

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:01 | 4342691 JoeSexPack
JoeSexPack's picture

My eyes! My eyes!


Pouring bourbon on brain to erase.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:31 | 4342796 Cult_of_Reason
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Bourbon (an IV drip filled with bourbon) Cures Vodka Induced Blindness

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 23:02 | 4343112 max2205
max2205's picture

The boyzzz on Madison Avenue bug be laughing at this amateur operation...gezzzz

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:58 | 4342872 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Sorry for the threadjump, but it looks like you guys could use a little of this:

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 07:40 | 4343621 S5936
S5936's picture

Whew !!!
Thanks I needed that.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:29 | 4342567 lasvegaspersona
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and that's odd because today was the only 7+ ton accumulation day for GLD. There was not one since the great drain strted at the begininng of 2013.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:47 | 4342626 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Richard Simmons, and by proxy, the United States has been circling the drain for a while now, but now as it slips down past the exit point, it has significantely picked up speed.

This idiotic and sick Obamacare commercial proves it.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:57 | 4342674 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Wasn't he whining because the O's didn't invite him to the White House and he still did the commercial?  Cheap whore.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 22:06 | 4343007 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Now that I think about it, nothing about the ACA was even mentioned in this video. I guess I should review it too be sure but, forgive me, I have decided to decline a second punishment. Don't you think a few salient points would have been be put forth? No, just "get covered" as if commanding a bunch of automatons. So they actually believe the thinking human is gone and only microcephalic humans with the discrimination of a paramecium are all that remains?

Angus, I'm reconsidering you offer to join you in Canada! ;-)


Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:33 | 4342584 Au_Ag_CuPbCu
Au_Ag_CuPbCu's picture

Well there goes 2:13 of my life I will never get back...couldn't finish it.  This can't be real, IT CAN"T!

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:37 | 4342599 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

I made it to the part where Simmons gets on the ground and pulls his ankles up to his ears...CLICK

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:39 | 4342605 Dane Bramage
Dane Bramage's picture

lol!  Ditto.  MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:44 | 4342623 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

Well, I now know that there really is such a thing as going full retard.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:46 | 4342633 NemoDeNovo
NemoDeNovo's picture

Anyone got some Bleach I can pour in my eyes for like a day or two, WTF Fuck was that?

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:35 | 4342813 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

As a young man, he (Simmons, per Wikipedia) considered being a priest. I'm not surprised. Gays becoming pretend priests were all the rage in the late 60's and 70's. And the Church, defying nearly two thousand years of Biblical tradition, let the gays in, thinking they were helping. Thus, we have the pedophilia scandals we see today. 

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 21:33 | 4342940 akak
akak's picture

Um, most gays are not pedophiles, and most pedophiles are not gay.

But play that red herring!  He's a real fighter!

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 22:30 | 4343053 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Cue Johnny Moscow in 3...2...1

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 22:53 | 4343096 JLee2027
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Never said anything differently. But enough gays were pedophiles to stain the Church.

Um, most gays are not pedophiles, and most pedophiles are not gay.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 23:32 | 4343168 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Akak, I frankly don't know how to even classify a pedophile. To be sexually stimulated by a child who is not sexually mature is just plainly obscenely deviant to me. " Creature" or "monster" is the best I can come up with. Debating whether this is hetero or homosexual behavior is likening this to choosing the type of leather you wish to be scourged. This is one class of "human" of which I would show no mercy.


Fri, 01/17/2014 - 23:44 | 4343195 akak
akak's picture

Oh, I completely agree with you.  The very idea of forcing an innocent child into such an exploitive and psychologically damaging situation is truly monstrous and sick in the extreme.  I would infinitely rather know that my neighbor engages in bestiality than pedophilia --- at least the animals (I suspect), unlike children, do not seem overly traumatized by the experience, and are not messed up for the rest of their lives as a result.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 00:00 | 4343234 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

This is because animals live in the moment and do not carry the burden of guilt and do not relive the past. An animal is punished once for a mistake. We punish ourselves over and over again even when we don't deserve to be punished. A vicious cycle that is difficult to break, speaking from personal experience. It can be such a burden to be human at times with such a complex mind. And it's certainly a pity to watch those who fail to use it at full potential.


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 19:08 | 4344746 sylviasays
sylviasays's picture

Um,akak knows all about being gay and being a pedophile? 

How akak plays that red herring! 




Sat, 01/18/2014 - 01:19 | 4343368 Tim_
Tim_'s picture

Richard Simmons is a jew.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:43 | 4342622 Clueless Economist
Clueless Economist's picture

What has become of our once great country??????  These two poofs make Pajamas Boy look like a real man. I'm am officially ready to say I give up and die.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:01 | 4342689 I need Another Beer
I need Another Beer's picture

Get a black rifle and bring some guests with U

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 23:00 | 4343106 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

I went to the Youtube link. I lasted about 2 minutes, myself, before becoming nauseated.

On the 'plus' side, I see that it has a whopping 1,320 views (some of which must have come from websites that are linking it as a point of ridicule).

I would like to know how much 'federal tax money' was spent in the production of this, um, obvious attempt to get homosexuals to sign on to Obama-enslavement. OBVIOUSLY, it isn't working for the vast MAJORITY, so WHO in this nation authorized the expenditure of TAX RECEIPTS to cater to the extreme minority of homosexuals (notice that the woman was obviously a homosexual, as well)?

Hey, if I wanted to go to a gay nightclub, I would rather do it in person, rather than look at a video of an old hag (Simmons), a bull-dyke (whatever that woman is with the suit and tie), and some hairy, skinny bottom-boi. If I ever do, I had BETTER get some REALLY GOOD DRUGS in my bloodstream beforehand (and have both my ex-wifes go with me, just to make sure that I don't start shooting people at random).

SO: WHO can I sue, to get my money back on this 'necessary expenditure'? Could it be the Senators and Representatives that voted to PASS this bill that no one READ?

Fri, 02/28/2014 - 14:23 | 4490019 Dr. Destructo
Dr. Destructo's picture

I watched the video up to 1:24 when the little 13 year old boy in the red shirt was chanting "get covered".

You, sir, have more fortitude than I do.

Now if you will excuse me I'm going to go into the corner in a fetal position and wail loudly, as the prophecy according to Idiocracy has come.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:04 | 4342701 JackWills
JackWills's picture

Once the dumbing down process starts it just picks up steam and gets worse like an avalanche.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 21:03 | 4342885 jballz
jballz's picture

I only made it to 1:43 and now who do I sue to get it back.

I guess that makes you 30 seconds more gay than me anyway.

Idiocracy is now.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:12 | 4342493 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture


Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:14 | 4342501 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Is Richard Thimmons gay?

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:22 | 4342535 Theosebes Goodfellow
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Seems happy enough to me, for a homosexual. Did that answer your question?

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:27 | 4342554 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

That was a cheap shot on my part and you called me out on it.

I accept that.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 20:50 | 4342849 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

He's not gay.  He wouldn't suck a dick, but he'd hold it in his mouth for you.

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:22 | 4342531 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

Quick! Anyone have one of those flashy things from Men in Black?

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 19:51 | 4342646 NemoDeNovo
NemoDeNovo's picture

Still looking for mine, will advise when I find it.....

Fri, 01/17/2014 - 21:39 | 4342956 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

I'd gladly take the risk of brain cancer in this case. May be this was a skit that was to be featured in the Onion. Yep, got to be it. Okay I feel better now. Those eye bleach links didn't help me at all. Especially the girl with the tattoos down her arm. Yuck! I guess lesbianism isn't in my future.


Fri, 01/17/2014 - 23:56 | 4343226 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

Miffed: So you're not going to bat for the other team anytime soon. Well, I do have a lesbian joke up my sleeve... it's been around for years, perhaps you've heard it before.

What do you call a gay female dinosaur?



Tylers banning me in 3... 2.... 1....


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 00:00 | 4343233 akak
akak's picture


What do you call a gay female dinosaur?

My guess would have been "Hillari warmongerus".

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!