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Saturday Humor: "High-Yield Savings"

Tyler Durden's picture


Frequent Zero Hedge contributor Mike Krieger sent this in: "Just got this in the mail. No, it's not meant to be a joke." Which is why it is unclear if one should laugh or cry at this fantastic offer for a "High-Yield" savings account...


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Sat, 01/18/2014 - 11:58 | 4343874 VD
VD's picture

that really has been the joke for over 2 years! Barclays has same offer for 0.90%...

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:00 | 4343876 Millivanilli
Millivanilli's picture

Over 4 trillion dollars in interest. has been lost after greenspit and his sucessor shalom bernank opted to suck the savings of America.


Bankers are ticks and we are bloodbags.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:07 | 4343888 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

0.85%???? Looks terribly risky - I plan to stay with my local community bank where I'm getting a robust but very safe 0.49%, plus they serve fresh baked chocolate chip cookies in the lobby - FREE!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:10 | 4343892 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

My safe deposit box pays 0%, isn't an unsecured personal loan to the bank, and doesn't have bail-in risks. Oh, and SAR's ... I don't have those filled out by bank employees when I want my money.

.85% sure is a shitty rate to risk all that ...



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:15 | 4343907 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

Reread your safe deposit contract. It's safer in your mattress.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:36 | 4343952 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

Care to cite your specific concern?

Further, it is not possible for you to properly assess the risks associated with my matress.



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:49 | 4343982 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

There are no guarantees your possessions are safe from fire or government confiscation, the latter the more probable of the two.

Further, it is not possible for you to properly assess the risks associated with my matress.

I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:56 | 4343998 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

I did my homework on this a while back. My consensus was that unless the rules change, the property in the box is mine and I am leasing the space. In the evevnt of a bank failure, I would have to go through a process with a government agency (e.g. the Treasury) to get the contents of the box. If the bank wanted to access my box, they would need a search warrant to drill it.


Most of this text does not appear in the actual Executive Order.[23] In fact, safe deposit boxes held by individuals were not forcibly searched or seized under the order and the few prosecutions that occurred in the 1930s for gold "hoarding" were executed under different statutes. One of the few such cases occurred in 1936, when a safe deposit box containing over 10,000 troy ounces (310 kg) of gold belonging to Zelik Josefowitz, who was not a U.S. citizen, was seized with a search warrant as part of a tax evasion prosecution.[24]

The U.S. Treasury came into possession of a large number of safe deposit boxes due to bank failures. During the 1930s, over 3,000 banks failed and the contents of their safe deposit boxes were remanded to the custody of the Treasury. If no one claimed the box, it remained in the possession of the Treasury. As of October 1981, there were 1,605 cardboard cartons in the basement of the Treasury, each carton containing the contents of one unclaimed safe deposit box.[25]

The lessor (i.e. the bank) is never responsible for the contents of the box, no more than a landlord is responsible for a tenants property in a rented apartment.

I did not rent a safe deposit box to protect myself from the government (or a bank fire). When the rules change, we all have to deal with that.

So, as I see it, my risks are the government throws out the rule of law and I become a bitch serf, at which point the contents of the safe deposit box are the least of my worries.




Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:04 | 4344014 SWCroaker
SWCroaker's picture

My understanding was the rules governing sd boxes were contractual, between you and your bank.  So each bank may be different.  Yours may be fine, mine may be a pos; there doesn't seem to be any overiding regulatory set of rules/protection regarding sd boxes.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:11 | 4344027 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

When I rented my mail safe deposit box, I did a lot of homework. I used BankRegData to determine the condition of the bank and went through the contract to ensure I wasn't signing away a first born child.

When I found a bank I liked, I printed all the reports to PDF (a feature of Foxit Reader - I don't use Adboe products anymore except the built in flash player that ships with Chrome). This conversation reminds me I need to check their numbers again to see if anything materially changed.

I am surprised to see so much hate for safe deposit boxes on this thread. It is unfortunate, because when used properly they are an excellent tool.



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:08 | 4344140 The Wisp
The Wisp's picture

one draw back is, when you die, any safe deposit box has to be audited in front of witnesses, with bank personnel involved etc. i am sure some things were not meant to be  ( found ) when it comes to paperwork and handing things over to your  kids or whoever.

also some past articles on  ZH said some contracts specifically stated no money or precious metals should be stored in them.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:15 | 4344165 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

with the history of the last 5 years fresh in your mind you think that a bank or the government will honor any contract that it suits them not to?   learning contract law and the u s constitution is an exercise in folly.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 16:42 | 4344456 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

Theft from safe deposit boxes is more frequent than you might imagine.  Do a google search for "safe deposit theft".  Your posessions are not insured in the box, so if they're gone, they're gone.  If they're gone, you won't be able to prove what was in them because bank employee is not supposed to be there while you go through your bos.  Additionally, as others have mentioned, in the event of your death, your safe deposit box will be secured until it can be audited for the government.  In the event of a bank closure, and more are likely,  you won't be able to access your box.  There have also been screw-ups where banks thought they were not receiving lease payments, thought they sent notice,  and emptied the box and turned it over to the state as abandoned property.  You need to do more research on this. 

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 18:47 | 4344705 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

States are taking possession of contents from boxes deemed to be 'abandoned' on a regular basis - even when the box is current on payments and identification of the holder current and clear.


As far as DHS.....

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 21:15 | 4353929 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

holy shit.
I'm learning way WAY more from the comments tonight than the article.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:58 | 4344616 tvdog
tvdog's picture

At one time, I rented a safe deposit box at Wells Fargo. Every time I entered the box, they watched me like a hawk to see what I would put in it - there was no privacy whatever. I finally realized that they were planning to take anything I deposited, so I just closed the box. Nasty bank, nasty people.

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 21:13 | 4353922 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

when properly used there is nothing in there worth stealing like gold, silver, ammo, etc.
That's PROPER USE of the deposit box by law.

To state this is to state the law, not a word of hate.

Sat, 01/25/2014 - 15:29 | 4367032 e2thex
e2thex's picture

"...climbed up the water spout."

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 15:05 | 4344261 logicalman
logicalman's picture

The big flaw in the 'contractual' is how 'highly' the banking system respects contracts.

It TSHTF you'll likely have to go to the bank with a backhoe, and fast, to get your hands on what's in 'your' box.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:17 | 4344528 giggler321
giggler321's picture

"My understanding was the rules governing sd boxes were contractual..."

Sure, everything's fine until the bank becomes insolvent openly and defaults, calls in liqidators.  So your contract is with a dead company, so what's the rules now?


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:21 | 4344043 Iocosus
Iocosus's picture

So, as I see it, my risks are the government throws out the rule of law and I become a bitch serf, at which point the contents of the safe deposit box are the least of my worries.

Your statement speaks of the future possibility, but we are presently deluded serfs.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:39 | 4344078 PennilessPauper
PennilessPauper's picture

Re-read the "Patriot act" The Federal government can and have seized peoples safety deposit boxes with no warrent.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:01 | 4344125 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

There are no bedbugs in his safe deposit box.

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 21:11 | 4353906 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Lanternfish? I find that's a common problem.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:03 | 4344133 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

I keep my own box in a secure location, I'd love to see any fucker try and "drill" it.

My god man, when fraud is the stutus quo, possession is the law.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:49 | 4344596 Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

Spend a couple thousand on a quality safe from Liberty safe co, and buy an alarm. sell an ounce and a half of gold, and you can get a great one. The safe will weigh close to 1000 pounds, and be bolted to the floor, and is fire proof for an hour. The alarm, which can be purchased with a battery backup, will make enough noise to drive anyone out, knowing the cops ae on their way, and those are the best safes most people can afford to buy, so it wont be pried open or broken into easily. There is your 'safe deposit box'

Sun, 01/19/2014 - 02:59 | 4345435 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

I could've done that if I hadn't lost mine in a terrible boating accident...

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 21:10 | 4353893 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

ummmm ya.
What's the brisance on your alarm?

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:57 | 4344232 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

"Not-So-Safe-Deposit Boxes: States Seize Citizens' Property to Balance Their Budgets"

May 12, 2008


""They figured the safety-deposit box was safer than keeping it under the mattress," Palmer said. "In the case of a lot of citizens, they were wrong, weren't they?""


"California law used to say property was unclaimed if the rightful owner had had no contact with the business for 15 years. But during various state budget crises, the waiting period was reduced to seven years, and then five, and then three. Legislators even tried for one year. Why? Because the state wanted to use that free money."



Seizing More Than Safe-Deposit Boxes


It's not just safe-deposit boxes. A British man went to retire and discovered the $4 million in U.S. stock he had been counting on had been seized and sold for $200,000 years earlier -- even though he was in touch with the company about other matters.


A Sacramento family lost out on railroad land rights their ancestors had owned for generations -- also sold off as unclaimed property.


"If I had hung onto it, I would be a millionaire, multimillionaire," said John Whitley. "But that didn't happen because we didn't get to hold it.""


"California's unclaimed property program was so out of control that, last year, the courts issued injunctions barring the state from seizing any more property until it made reforms. Since then, Chiang has taken several steps to try to clean up the program.


For example, the state now sends notices alerting citizens about unclaimed property before it is handed over to the state -- the only state to do so. Once unclaimed property is delivered to the state, it is now held for several months while the state tries to contact the owners, rather than it being immediately sold off or destroyed.


Which raises the question, in the Internet era, is anybody really lost anymore? California and other states are just beginning to make use of modern databases that can find most anyone in minutes. Unfortunately, California only uses those databases to search after it has already seized a citizen's property.


If California does get better at locating people, that could present another challenge. Remember, right now, the state spends the money."


"California is not the only state to come under fire for its handling of unclaimed property. In Delaware, unclaimed property is the third largest source of state revenue. Idaho recently passed an unprecedented law that says the state gets to keep unclaimed property permanently if the rightful owners don't claim it within 10 short years. And all 50 states pay private contractors 10 to 12 percent commissions to locate and seize accounts for them. It's an inherent conflict of interest: the more rightful owners are found, the less money the contractors make.

Of course, there are some states who handle their people's property with respect. Oregon never takes title to unclaimed property. Instead, it holds it in a perpetual trust fund.


Colorado uses the interest on its unclaimed property fund to pay for some state programs, but leaves the principal untouched.


Missouri, Iowa and Kansas make extra efforts to reunite people with their property –even setting up booths at state fairs to get the word out. The State of Maryland actively compares the names on unclaimed accounts with state income tax records. If it finds a match, the state simply cuts a check and sends it to the citizen."

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 21:05 | 4353882 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

the audacity & widespread activity shocks me.
The concept doesn't but then again I know we're on the cusp of watching the entire empire collapse.
When outright theft in the dark doesn't work anymore the outright theft will be at gun-point.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 18:09 | 4344643 Mentaliusanything
Mentaliusanything's picture

It cost $800 to get a floor safe made. Stainless Steel with sprag fins, concrete encased with 70 mpa concrete mixed with SS metal offcuts.It is triple walled, fire proof, flood proof and three levels of security to get into. It was built by a Chubb ex employee. Now Ive only got to remember where I encased it, what the code is and where the triple keys are hidden :)

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 21:17 | 4344991 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

If a bank is never responsible for the safety of your rented box, how is it that they are allowed to advertise these boxes as "safe deposit" boxes?  A misnomer then if there ever was one.  Apparently truth in advertising doesn't apply to banks.

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 21:01 | 4353872 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

"Apparently truth in advertising doesn't apply to banks."

well SHEEEiiit. Better put that on the 6 o'clock news.

Never saw that comin'.

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 20:58 | 4353860 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Then you didn't really do your homework at all.
The rules have changed.
It's called the Patriot Act. It's Law and that means your possessions aren't yours under decree of anyone PERMITTED under the Patriot Act to enforce it.

The rule of law was thrown out shortly after 2001 Sep 11th in the USA.

Any perception you have otherwise is simply a personal illusion.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:21 | 4344179 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

Care to cite your specific concern?

When FDR demanded everyone turn in their Gold the only Gold they confiscated was located in Bank Safety Deposit Boxes.

Sun, 01/19/2014 - 01:17 | 4345355 zonkie
zonkie's picture

No money is safe anywhere in any form. Period. The only money you can really be sure of not being lost is the money spent. So use it while you still have it and enjoy.

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 20:56 | 4353846 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

what? I've assessed every risk of every mattress I've ever used.
Happens to be the one for gold isn't very water proof which is a shame considering how deep down it is.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:37 | 4343955 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

you're right. I used to store my silver and gold at a bank when I read the contract that said it's at risk of confiscation if the content goes against bank policies. No further details where in it but what when they decide that it's against their policy people should own gold and silver?
All they need to do is use a metals detector set to gold and silver and they know what's inside after 2 minutes.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:48 | 4343983 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

The article is about unsecured personal loans to the bank (i.e. cash deposits) and interest rates there on.



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 16:47 | 4344472 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

I don't believe you can detect gold and silver behind a steel box.  Explain the technology.

Sun, 01/19/2014 - 03:10 | 4345458 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

They don't even need metal detectors Papasmurf. If a bank is suspicious of the contents in a SD-box, their usual technology is opening it with a master key. Afterwards you'll be told that the bank has lost your deposits in the safe (or if you happen to live in the bastion of freedom USSA, gov. dog's snatched your dough).

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 20:54 | 4353840 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

resonance with the atoms.
Each atom has a specific harmonic resonance.
It's not a "metal detector" per se though to be honest that which isn't metal doesn't work so well.
It will precisely detect which metals are present on each setting.
Copper, brass, steel, silver, gold, you name it - if the machine has a configuration for it.

Think of it like how your microwave oven is tuned to heat water molecules in your food, and various chemical compounds, but many are skipped, e.g., ceramic.

You know, that tuning can be changed but then it would be incredibly dangerous as the shielding on the door is set just for the ONE setting it's configured for.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:14 | 4344032 Michigander
Michigander's picture

The link:

The executive summary.


A Steve Quayle subscriber reported the two dozen gold Krugerrands he kept stored in his safety deposit box have been taken, in a bold swipe.  The Fifth Third Bank is located in Cincinnati, the site of the sanctioned theft.  After the confiscation, the bank manager sheepishly informed the man that a CIA agent was the culprit who cleaned out his supply of gold coins, but all the stored US dollar bills were left untouched in the safety box.  Recall broad warnings concerning the rules delineated within the Patriot Act, which forbids usage of bank safety boxes to hold coins, jewelry, or any metal items of wealth. Only documents, contracts, papers, photographs, and other non-metallic objects like a treasured scarf are permitted. They have finally struck, thefts sponsored by the US Government and its security agency overseers.  Expect the location of thefts to grow much wider, with more prevalent reports.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:40 | 4344082 optimator
optimator's picture

He may not get to visit Germany, but I'm sure his gold will!

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 20:51 | 4353830 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

time to get Simon Black on the case, stat!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:11 | 4343896 VD
VD's picture

we all do realize that (private) banks are free to set whatever rates they want so when even a community bank bullshits you that that's the market interest rate it's exactly that: mendacity on 'community' level.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:22 | 4343920 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Has anyone been in a Well Fargo branch lately? They have Walmart style obnoxiously perky door greeters, free water and coffee. But the service is becomming less and less helpful.  

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:14 | 4344160 Beatscape
Beatscape's picture

My daughter was getting charged fees by WF just to transfer $$ between her WF savings and checking accounts and other obnouxious fees.  I implored her to close her accounts with WF and put her money in a local credit union, which she finally did aftger losing hundreds in less than a year in ridiculous fees to WF.  She is happier and wiser now.


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 16:57 | 4344490 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Don't get me started on Wells Fargo.

The obnoxious door greeters are like the mugger smiling and wishing you a nice day after he's stuck you up.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 18:03 | 4344625 tvdog
tvdog's picture

Back when I was dealing with them, Wells Fargo employees were all rude and nasty - muggers without the smile.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:28 | 4343934 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture


so... 0.6% for us....

it's only fair because poor people don't have the money to "invest" in such a profitable way...

and inflation was 1%... officially... 7% if you take year 2000 calculations...

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:43 | 4344089 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

i humbly suggest that this article be posted here on ZH or at least read by all sound money advocates and all enemies of the MoneyChangers..... it is excellent


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:38 | 4344215 koncaswatch
koncaswatch's picture

+1 Excellent link... explains everything THNX

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:52 | 4344235 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

ur welcome...


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:28 | 4344191 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Credit card interest: 5%, 10%, 15%, 20%...?

Savings Account interest: 0.85%


That says a lot.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:40 | 4344578 TheRideNeverEnds
TheRideNeverEnds's picture

You should be thankful TPTB have allowed you any savings in the first place and furthermore that they are gracious enough to pay you anything for the privilege of loaning them money.  In some places you must pay them for that privilege.   



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 16:11 | 4344397 Mr. Magoo
Mr. Magoo's picture

After factoring in inflation you might get a -5% return. now that is a deal to die for Literally

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 20:45 | 4353811 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

but... free cookies.
What's the inflation on cookies?

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:46 | 4343978 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

By the way, it's not 'savings', it's a high risk loan.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:19 | 4344174 SteveNYC
SteveNYC's picture

What you are describing (correctly) is our own, personal Cyprus moment.

BTW, just got the same offer in the mail. Worth holding onto, evokes passion everytime one views it.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:23 | 4344541 Spawn of Cagliostro
Spawn of Cagliostro's picture

This is where we're at. Oh boy.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:03 | 4343879 VD
VD's picture

BUT the real humor are the interest rates and god forbid penalties that above 'institution' charges for their credit cardz....



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:05 | 4343884 VD
VD's picture


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:58 | 4344002 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

they named a street in Tel Aviv after these parasites.....Rothschilds BLVD

go figure....


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:15 | 4344167 VD
VD's picture

go play with your BigotButtBoy dickhead! LOL!!!!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:36 | 4344211 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

These parasites have been kicked out of 109 countries thru-out history..........''The Jews were kicked out of England in 1290 by King Edward I for money-lending. He gave them a deadline and declared that any Jews found in England after that time would be executed. Laws were then enacted to ensure that they could never return.

England prospered for hundreds of years without the Jews until finally, in 1656, they were let back in by Oliver Cromwell. Thirty eight years later, in 1694, they set up the Bank of England.''

Isn't history amazing?

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 15:29 | 4344272 VD
VD's picture

so you want to kick the Jews out as per above¿¿¿


letz clean out the last of the most offensive trash and send this bigot packing along wit f_s!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 15:45 | 4344340 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

reporting history does not make one a bigot........


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 15:58 | 4344369 gonetogalt
gonetogalt's picture

His name was Francis Sawyer.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:06 | 4344511 VD
VD's picture

and he was kilt off!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 19:03 | 4344738 tvdog
tvdog's picture

Francis_Sawyer was an honorable man. You are a yiddish creep with an offensive nick and a sense of entitlement. Fuck off.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 19:11 | 4344752 VD
VD's picture

u sure i'm a yid? ur presumption is just as egregious as all the other rubes up in here. and yeah i'm entitled cause i'm fukn smart, but only in the brainz/logic dept when dealing wit bigot ignoramuses ....

Sun, 01/19/2014 - 03:18 | 4345469 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

You might not be a yid, but you're a Zio-adoring hipster, a politically correct vegan libtard with green-shaded sunglasses. The worst kind.


Btw, that's a nice 'glory hole' on your grocery bag, that was really smart...

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:14 | 4343904 Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

My PMs are multiplying....don't know why but I fed them ocean water from Japan?

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:02 | 4343878 DarthVaderMentor
DarthVaderMentor's picture

That's why the Fed may not be able to end the taper and keep the party going. The big problem is that the TBTF did not take this last chance to clean up their act, so the crash is now inevitable. Once the market collapses, the Obama will then have his real political problem.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:00 | 4344496 booboo
booboo's picture

"so the crash is now inevitable. Once the market collapses, the Obama will then have his real political problem."

"Never let a good crisis go to waste" The Chicago Boyz

I don't think you want that retard going to the paper hangers asking how they can capitalize on a crash, it won't be pretty for anyone 

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 20:40 | 4353801 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

yup. Loading up on HVU as fast as I can manage without risking too much input $ due to ETf decay. Generally a -11x inverse ETf to the market.
hvu 1 / 11 x SPY = 219 roughly, reading 218.8 today. Generally every 0.1 off from the constant is a 0.5% off on the HVU price from any given SPY price.

Older equation shown in the pic but I just re-wrote it to be easier to work with.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:05 | 4343883 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Before taxes...

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:11 | 4343897 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

no -

before taxes and minus real inflation  - lets call it 9% just to be conservative leaves us with a return of ..................................

MINUS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

boys convert ur real money in to debt coupon dollars and sign right up.....

keep stackin for those who get it............

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:12 | 4343899 JustObserving
Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:28 | 4343933 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

My first passbook account was apprx 5.25% in late 60s.

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 20:37 | 4353789 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

1988 -  6% here

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:28 | 4343937 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

5% plus the fact that their packagaing less shit or placing it in smaller containers = probably 9%...

just sayin......

go to the 14 minute mark in the vid to hear it straight from the MoneyChangers mouth....


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:01 | 4344005 IPA
IPA's picture

They are selling 4 packs of beer now, for the same price as a six pack. I wonder how much longer they can continue to shrink package sizes.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:46 | 4344094 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

surely you must be kidding...

and dont call me Shirley...

seriously where is this occuring havent seen it out here yet in California - yet that is.....

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:19 | 4344178 arnoldsimage
arnoldsimage's picture

remember the television series Land of the Giants. guess who are "the little people."

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:08 | 4343889 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Start Saving".

Why?  So it can be taxed into oblivion, or simply stolen?

Fuck you .gov and Wall Street.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:12 | 4343900 DarthVaderMentor
DarthVaderMentor's picture

You are so right. The 401(k), the IRA are proving to be nothing but a big con job of huge proportions. People were sold a bill of goods when they were coerced, forced or cajoled into thinking the tax deferred savings plans would be able to fund them in retirement. Funny, Congress still has pensions(defined benefit plans), because they know that the defined contribution retirement plan is a wealth tool to enrich Wall Street.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 19:54 | 4344842 Offthebeach
Offthebeach's picture

But with Obacare monthly premiums ( healt savings accounts ), the money is " invested " say in Treasuries, and it will be there when you need it.


( This time is different. Honest. Lock box honest. )


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 21:35 | 4345028 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

And they're licking their chops just waiting for their cut of all that IRA money now.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:40 | 4343951 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

not if you save in REAL MONEY and store it outside of their debt based currency paradigm....

who is forcing anyone to save in debt coupon dollars held in insolvent institutions that r poised to "bail you in" when the next shoe drops??????? AND ITS GONNA DROP....

who's forcing u to forfiet ur financial and real freedom to the MoneyChangers and their servants in all 3 branches of ur US Govt.????




Wed, 01/22/2014 - 19:18 | 4353786 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Sir, by chance would you be willing to open a deposit box with the Juan de Fuca ridge branch of the Marianas Trench holding & deposit Co. ?

... and now for this customer testimonial:

glub glub ... glub glub

- Davey Jones

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:09 | 4343890 Cable Guy
Cable Guy's picture

"They" don't want your money to sit in some protected account with little or no fees that they can't gamble with.  They want us to roll the dice on real estate, stocks, ETF's, etc.  And that's only after you've purchased 3 cars, 5 tv's, stainless steel appliances, etc.........

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 19:12 | 4344745 barroter
barroter's picture

Agreed!  It's no fun for them at all if they can't get at your assets.  Liquify/risk-ify those assets so they can be easilly scooped up.   Just lie to grandma and get her into an annuity whose contract needs an Egyptologist to decipher.  The liars at my bank keep trying to set up an appointment to "help" me make more $ on my deposits.  All I see there is just another attempt by scumbags to put their hands into my pockets.

Bankster scum, Wall St scum.  A meth addicted hooker has more scruples than they.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:10 | 4343893 LawyerScum
LawyerScum's picture

Throw in a Spider-Man towel and you've got a deal!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:10 | 4343894 Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

I wonder how what % the bank will make taking your money and lending it out at mucher higher rates and gambling on the market. What a joke. They pay you less than 1 % and then take that money and lend it out at 10 to 1 and make many times that with YOUR money. just buy yourself a nice fireproof 'home safe deposit box' and not participate in their bullshit

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:24 | 4344051 optimator
optimator's picture

I'd gamble any amount of money I could, even on margin, if I had a guaranteef the Government would take care of any losses I ever had.  "They" must be kicking themselves for not doing this a lot sooner.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 15:40 | 4344332 ydderf1950
ydderf1950's picture

and if they fuck up gov covers their sorry ass

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:14 | 4343903 Silverhog
Silverhog's picture

CHANGE for all the senior citizens who voted twice for O'Stinky. 

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:16 | 4343906 Yardfarmer
Yardfarmer's picture

whadya mean? this is a great deal! pretty soon you'll be paying them to keep your money! act now!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:16 | 4343913 Racer
Racer's picture

That IS paying them... you aren't getting the same amount back out after you take inflation and tax into consideration! And there is also the risk of it being stolen, er confiscated

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 21:39 | 4345035 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

You'd better believe we have negative interest rates...

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:21 | 4344537 Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

you pretty much are. You are giving them your money to gamble with on the market, and lend out at 10 to 1 to other people at way higher interst rates, and they say thank you by paying out an amount that doesnt keep up with inflation, so you are losing money every day

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:15 | 4343909 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

Phyz PMs.

There is no other option.


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:20 | 4343915 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

0.85%??  High-Yield??

Is it just me, or or is the world bat-shit fucking mental??

I think I have plot the lost.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:26 | 4343929 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

People are fucking stupid. They deposit their money and make .85%. Meanwhile the same bank issues them a CC with an 20-% interest rate...and people accept it. 

Stand back and read that again. Stare in awe of it. That is the system today. People are fucking stupid. The majority of people...and so this will go on.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:29 | 4343939 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Nail.  Meet.  Head.

Well said Fonz, this just fucking staggers the mind.  They are ASKING to be robbed??????

Stay nimble my friend.


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:38 | 4343957 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

all the best to you and yours inthemix96

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:43 | 4343972 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

And to you Fonz.

You ever be over in N.E GB, give me a tinkle mate.  A nice cold pint and chat with someone from the sane side never goes a miss.


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:46 | 4343976 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

My brother in Law is working over there now. I have tentative plans to head over there this year to see him. If I end up anywhere near you, we will definitely make it happen man.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:59 | 4344003 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Let me know through here Fonz and I'll pass my Email on to you.

It would be my pleasure mate, give my best to your brother in law, and I hope the natives are treating him well.  And believe it or not, we are nice folk, nowt like the media would have you believe.  Me personally though, I couldnt stomach a nine hour flight, I smoke too much, hate hights thanks to being diagnosed with 'Labyrinthitis' early last year, and dont want me bollocks fondled by your lot.


Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:15 | 4344525 booboo
booboo's picture

I want to meet people that have money to stuff in a bank at under 1% and are dumb enough to have a 20% cc and carry a balance, hell for that matter I want to meet people that have a 20% cc that carry balance and bitch about being fucked, yes, you are being fucked, pull up your pants and take the fuck me sign off your back.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:51 | 4343988 atomp
atomp's picture

The lost thickens...

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 18:21 | 4344664 Mentaliusanything
Mentaliusanything's picture

your not crazy... just remember the offer is for a limited time only.

and think of all the paperwork time you will spend doing it, earning it and handing margin back to the IRS. 

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:27 | 4343932 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

yep. got one of those the other day. their plan is to steal that .85% and more back through fees.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:34 | 4343949 starman
starman's picture

Bingo banks are insolvent!!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:37 | 4343953 Bertrand22
Bertrand22's picture

Sorry guys I'm not American, what does APY stand for?

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:41 | 4343965 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Annual percentage yield.

Sun, 01/19/2014 - 14:19 | 4346186 Bertrand22
Bertrand22's picture


That's incredibly low :-/

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 14:08 | 4352111 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

It says high-yield. The banks wouldn't lie to us, would they?

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:42 | 4343966 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Annual percentage yield.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 16:25 | 4344413 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

Anal Penetration Yield.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:38 | 4343956 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

This shit won't stop until the stupid ass sheep start pulling their money and forcing the banks to offer something better. The level of stupidity to participate in this crap amazes me.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:37 | 4344213 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

if you are one of the 20 primary bond dealers, wtf do you care if every depositor pulls their deposits.  you make .03 to buy back bonds that you don't have to pay for, you just deposit them at the fed and collect the juice on money that you never had to begin with.


so tell me again how yanking your deposits is going to stop these assholes?

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:13 | 4344523 Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

depends on how many yank their money out as cash. If even 1 in 20 people walked into their bank and cleaned out their savings in cash there would be shutdowns, shortages, followed shortly by bank runs, then followed by pandemonium. One of the main reasons i don't believe the US can be 'Cyprus'd' any time soon is they have to get the guns first. Cypriots have no right to bear arms, much less things like ARs, which americans have in the middle. Imagine what happened there happening here, especially somewhere in the south where everyone is armed to the teeth. After there are a few more 'lone gunman' mass shootings to get the sheeple on board with registration/confiscation, then game on, but i dont believe any of that will happen until then

Tue, 01/21/2014 - 13:59 | 4352063 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Doing that would collapse the banking system. The banks would deal only with the Fed and the people would be free of the banks.
Without the loans, holding the deposits, setting the routes, timing & fees of transfers - their power is gone. A gang has no power if they can only tell EACH OTHER what to do & not everyone else.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:45 | 4343967 knowshitsurelock
knowshitsurelock's picture

Public Debt Instruments issued by the Fed with interest attached to them and a maturity date when due back to the Fed, with no interest printed to support the ever increasing debt obligations to the Central bank, which causes the existing debt instruments in circulation to be pressured to support the existing velocity as more and more debt instruments reach full maturity and are retired as just about eveyone is fully tapped out and can no longer get loans to feed the debt pyramid, when exponential debt growth must continue to keep the ponzi from collapsing.

What could possibly go wrong?

Here's an idea, why not bypass the people and let the government give those debt instruments directly to the banksters?  Hell, then they could pour them down this rathole of a system to try and save it, and skim off the top to try and save themselves!  Wonder why Bernanke never thought about that!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 21:45 | 4345044 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

Now the banksters want in on the energy market.  Just ponder the ramifications there.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:44 | 4343973 besnook
besnook's picture

buy the fucking all time high!!!!!!!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:19 | 4344040 optimator
optimator's picture

That's exactly where they want to force every last sent from Ma and Pa Retiree.  And we all know what happens when their last cent is in.

Mon, 01/20/2014 - 23:01 | 4350350 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

BUY?! Why would I buy when I can BORROW my way to riches margined 100:1!
bwhahahahahaaaa RITCHEZ BE MINE!
Then I will have a berzillion fwazeeeelion dollerrrrrs!

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:44 | 4343974 JR
JR's picture

It’s almost like listening to Barack Obama review America’s commitment to liberty and her Founders. The political lie is the close companion to the economic lie.

Public service advertisements tell youngsters throughout America how to begin saving for their future, putting away even small change to begin their march to thrift.

Inflation and government lies have swept a generation of savers, retirees, and couples struggling to make ends meet under the feet of vulgar, licentious, filthy-rich international bankers.

It was just yesterday that Zero Hedge ran this head: American Express & Visa Account For 103% Of The Dow's Intraday Gains

As we enter this sixth year of the most blatant theft of labor by dilution, i.e., stealing, by the Federal Reserve, with no help in the wings from either political party, it is time to be thinking of replacing the entire system and the people who run it…and preparing the means to do it.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 12:55 | 4343997 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture



Calm down it's OK -  Obama said those are your friends and neighbors


American spies: Snowden deserves to die


And when they say he deserves to die, they don’t mean due process, a treason conviction, and lethal injection. (He hasn’t been charged with treason.) They mean a jab from an umbrella tip laced with Polonium on a busy Moscow street when he’s not looking.

“In a world where I would not be restricted from killing an American, I personally would go and kill him myself,” a current NSA analyst told BuzzFeed. “A lot of people share this sentiment.”


“I would love to put a bullet in his head,” one Pentagon official, a former special forces officer, said bluntly. “I do not take pleasure in taking another human beings life, having to do it in uniform, but he is single-handedly the greatest traitor in American history.”…



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 17:56 | 4344607 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Most (if not all) non-USA Security Forces were fully aware of America's activities a long, long time before Mr Snowden's leaks, and many have used the US eavesdropping / data mining penchant to their advantage via the disinformation route (note - the Russians and Chinese are not stupid.)

The "Real" damage caused by the leaks is the promotion of this clandestine activity into the public domain - especially the public domains of Countries that are traditionally less enamoured with US hegemony.  The well-publicised "Anti-Snowden" rhetoric from those in power has done yet more political damage, and has served to further undermine the reputation of the US leadership (Political and Military) on the International stage.

I suspect this is the reason for all the hatred - it's bad enough having your "own" Governments prying into your day-to-day activities. Having a "Foreign" Government do this to you (possibly on a grander scale, with no oversight), is pretty reprehensible for many.

So, it might be technically correct to say that Mr Snowden has caused damage to the US Security System and by extension the US as a whole, but why is there a need for all this surveillance anyhow. The Boston Bombings demonstrated the system did not work (despite the US Security forces being alerted by the Russians of all people!) so exactly what is the purpose of this mass-surveillance? "Prevention of Terrorism" doesn't cut it any more.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:03 | 4344004 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

Some of the Visa card issuers are promoting a 1% cash-back feature for charges (with 2-3% cash-back for groceries and gas).  Saving yields .85% APY, spending yields 1% on total charged?

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 16:42 | 4344457 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture



I sign up for those sometime's it's 5% cash back and it varies what it's on, sometimes even good on gas.  Discover also has a cash back card.  I use them for everything and then pay the bill in full when it comes.  I've made out pretty good on those.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:03 | 4344010 pitz
pitz's picture

That is actually a fairly high yield, given that it is very unlikely that the economy is actually expanding and is probably contracting. 

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:07 | 4344017 resurger
resurger's picture

A deal that i can't refuse....

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:07 | 4344018 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Since when is a credit card company like American Express a 'bank' with savings accounts? Answer that and you will know what is wrong in our country...

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:59 | 4344257 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture



Since the repeal of Glass Steagall and for that you can look to clinton



Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:13 | 4344028 -.-
-.-'s picture

In my opinion, this seems to be an unproven attempt to entice consumers to impart a portion of their earnings into a "high yield" savings account which will more than likey be taxed at some near future point. If the banks can successfully lure the people into dissociatively depositing their earnings into savings, regardless of the yield, which still ignores certain macro variables, like inflation rate(s), then it would seem to ensure that the maximum amount netted from a federal tax wave would indeed be met. 

Unfortunately, a savings tax seems inevitable upon the accounts of Americans.

And the practical thing for a nation which has stumbled upon one of the turning-points of history is not to behave as though nothing very important were involved, as if it did not matter whether it turned to the right or to the left, went up hill or down dale, provided that it continued doing with a litter more energy what it has done hitherto; but to consider whether what it has done hitherto is wise, and, if it is not wise, to alter it. When the broken ends of its industry, its politics, its social organization, have to be pieced together after a catastrophe, it must make a decision; for it makes a decision even if it refuses to decide. If it is to make a decision which will wear, it must travel beyond the philosohpy momentarily in favor with the proprietors of it newspapers. Unless it is to move with the energetic futility of a squirrel in a revolving cage, it must have a clear apprehension both of the deficiency of what it is, and of the character of what ought to be. And to obtain this apprehension it must appeal to some standard more stable than the momentary exigencies of it commerce or industry or social life, and judege them by it. It must, in short, have recourse to Principles. [R.H. Tawney]

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:24 | 4344050 JR
JR's picture

Current inflation and “Debt, Civic Decay, and Global Disorder are considerably greater than the government admits, and were massively exacerbated by QE and ZIRP. Jim Quinn asks the questions and gives the details.

Writes Quinn of his 2013 predictions:
“Many of my prognostications were in the ballpark, but I have continually underestimated the ability of central bankers and their Wall Street co-conspirators to use the $2.8 billion per day of QE to artificially elevate the stock market to bubble level proportions once again. If I wasn’t such a trusting soul, I might conclude that the .1% financial elite, who run this country, created QEternity to benefit themselves, their .1% corporate CEO accomplices and the corrupt government apparatchiks who shield their flagrant criminality from the righteous hand of justice.”

Here are the questions (read the article for the details): The Burning Platform | 2013 – DENSE FOG TURNS INTO TOXIC SMOG

Posted on 31st December 2013 by Administrator : Excerpts

Do you think the 170% increase in the S&P 500 has been accidently correlated with the quadrupling of the Federal Reserve balance sheet or has Bernanke just done the bidding of his puppet masters? Considering the .1% billionaire clique owns the vast majority of stock in this corporate fascist paradise, is it really a surprise the trickle down canard would be the solution of choice from these sociopathic scoundrels?

Of course QE and ZIRP have impacted the 80% who own virtually no stocks in a slightly different manner. Do you think the 100% increase in gasoline prices since 2009 was caused by Bernanke’s QEternity?... 

Do you think the 8% decline in real median household income since 2008 was caused by Bernanke’s QE and ZIRP policies?... 

Do you think the $10.8 trillion stolen from grandmothers and risk adverse savers was caused by Bernanke’s ZIRP?...

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:30 | 4344060 Surging Chaos
Surging Chaos's picture

I visited my parents back during Christmas and while we were talking about things the conversation eventually shifted to the high interest rates of the 80's. My parents told me about how the high rates made it next to impossible to borrow almost anything, but they said it gave them the ability to save for a down payment for a house due to the high-yielding CDs back then. They eventually bought a house in the early 90's when Greedspan started cutting rates.

I asked them after that "So could you have saved up for that same down payment today when not only interest rates are at 0%, but the Fed is deliberatly trying to keep housing prices up by buying ~$40 billion of MBSes every month?" They looked me weird and said "Probably not..."

Fuck you Bernanke. (and Greenspan and Yellen and all the rest)

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 14:08 | 4344142 besnook
besnook's picture

money was easy and, even at 13%, cheap.....for a time. fha and va loans made house buying easy for a working stiff. if you didn't make money from the bottom of the reagan recession to the end of the real estate bust in 2008 you were stupid because it was a gift.

you have to work to make money now and you can't expect to be paid if you are an employee. i have 2 kids entering the work force in a coupla years. i know my son is expecting to retire on daddy's funeral. i, and he, hopes it doesn't come to that but i know it is good to know there is a net for them. this next generation is gonna suck bad.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:31 | 4344061 SilverTard
SilverTard's picture

People are plain stupid for accepting such a small return.... it is a real insult actually.


I mean there ARE options for decent returns with 3% to 7% returns with investments as small as $100 and backed by hard assets (Billion Dollar Company)


Look here and see what I mean --->

One of the places I park money that I want providing a return.  There are others like this too.

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 20:23 | 4344898 Offthebeach
Offthebeach's picture

US work/population mobility is at a historic low. Sheeple trapped in homes, destination rents high, or if cheep it is cause its a income ghetto.
However renting a box truck to live in at $25/night is a good deal for the family until a sutible place for the spruce strapping and blue tarp shelter can be built. Preferbly near Dollar General, Salvation Army thrift and local food pantrys.
Maybe a cop/town administration patronized strip club were 15 year old sis can bring in some cash to keep going the propane grill and the 12volts for the DVD

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:43 | 4344088 Spungo
Spungo's picture

I remember these savings accounts paying 3-5%, and it feels like that was only a few years ago. Maybe I'm just getting old (not yet 30).

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:46 | 4344093 keninla
keninla's picture

I think that you have to be "high" on something to think that .85% is a high yield

Sat, 01/18/2014 - 13:46 | 4344095 optimator
optimator's picture

The main threat to any stored at home valuables is theft.  The best way around that is to find a place to put your fireproof box, with your gold, etc. that's in the last place they'd ever look.  After that put another fireproof box with a few twenties and lots of useless papers in another box they will discover somewhere way before your main box.  They'll grabf that worthless box and get as far away from your home as they can and then proceed to open it.

Mon, 01/20/2014 - 22:50 | 4350313 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

I was just gonna leave a pirate's map with X on the fake spot.

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