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Dear JPMorgan Workers: No Raise For You

Tyler Durden's picture




 

There was a time in the financial industry when the many wouldn't suffer for the sins of the few (although taxpayers were certainly excluded from this maxim). Well, for the "many" who work at JPMorgan, that is no longer the case because as Reuters reports, JPM employees can forget getting a pay raise in 2013 (although with sub-2% annual inflation as calculated by the BLS one wonders just why anyone should be getting a raise: just hand out an edible iPad or two and the COLA is fixed). The reason for the lack of a raise: "the bank's massive legal bills" - bills which incidentally were incurred when a select few JPM employees cheated and defrauded the system - illegally - in order to procure massive year end bonuses, most if not all of which were not clawed back, and subsequently were caught (one can only imagine how many of the "few" are still at the bank, doing manipulation and defrauding as usual. And now it is everyone else's turn to pay because the bank lacked the most elementary supervision of its criminal employees (long since fired) and raked up roughly $20 billion in litigation and legal settlement charges.

From Reuters:

Overall compensation per employee was roughly flat with 2012, just as managers had warned employees in November, said the person who was not authorized to speak publicly. While some individuals are getting more money, their payouts have come at the expense of others.

 

Pay increases have been muted across much of the banking sector in the aftermath of the financial crisis, but 2013 was especially tough at JPMorgan as profits declined because of the cost to settle government and private claims against the bank.

 

Company-wide compensation expense was $30.8 billion for the year, up a fraction of one percent from 2012. At the same time, JPMorgan reduced headcount by more than 7,500 people to 251,196, with the result that compensation expense per employee rose nearly 4 percent to $122,653, according to data disclosed by the company last week.

 

...

 

In the company's Corporate & Investment Bank, where its deal-makers and traders work, total compensation expense declined 4 percent and employment remained flat. Average compensation expense per employee in the division was $207,368, down about $10,000 from a year earlier.

And of course, for the workers in the bank's mortgage origination group - you know, the one product that banks used to rely on most of all before the bank as glorified hedge fund concept came along - the news in 2013 was worse: instead of getting any comp in 2014 they simply got a pink slip.

Most of JPMorgan' job cuts were from positions handling mortgage loans. Some tellers in bank branches were also replaced with financial advisors selling investment products.

That said, this being JPMorgan, hardly many a tear will be shed. As for our advice to JPM's workers, please voice your grievances to Jamie Dimon: after all there is a reason why he is "richer than of you."

 

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Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:03 | 4357145 walküre
walküre's picture

If the execs didn't cheat, steal, lie and commit fraud, the "workers" wouldn't have a job to begin with.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:06 | 4357160 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

I can see it now, lots & lots & lots & lots of ZH responses like:

"Aww, too friggin' bad!"

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:11 | 4357172 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Tough titty.

Cry me a river, and I will gladly drown you in it.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:30 | 4357237 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

I wonder what Jamie's bonus was for 2013 vs prior years, and insider stock option awards etc

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:37 | 4357270 max2205
max2205's picture

Welcome to JPM, can I take your order.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:54 | 4357330 philipat
philipat's picture

And don't forget the Shareholders who are the ones who actually pay the costs of litigation which are "Expensed", thereby reducing profits and dividends.

So it is the employees, the shareholders, customers and society that suffer whilst a small group commit serial fruad to generate massive bonuses which will never be clawed back and in the full knowledge that they will never be prosecuted. Which is, of course, why it will NOT stop.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 21:21 | 4357435 walküre
walküre's picture

Not sure what you mean. Are you suggesting that anything JPM, GS, et al are doing is actually legitimate?

The "investors" or "shareholders" will be lucky if the next People's Regime is letting them go free because with their money, they facilitated the fraud in a way.

Tricky and slippery slope for all involved. Heads will need to roll. I promise the executions will be swift and the suffering will be barely noticeable. Let's say the execs get eliminted, the others will work for free and serving the needy and the shareholders will lose their wealth.

New cards for everyone, new chances, new opportunities. New laws against usury and any form of rehypoticiation or financial gambling with OPM.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:54 | 4357335 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Yeah, we'll have a paper burger with fraud sauce and a side of virtual fries.  And don't skimp on the physical napkins this time!

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:10 | 4357169 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Lying cheating and stealing?  Sounds like the execs should be in prison.

But I digress, when when the last time those who exhibited bad behavior actually suffered some real consequences?

The irony here is that I have jury duty in two weeks.  Someone needs to start a pool on whether or not I actually get selected.  Could be a close one.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:16 | 4357197 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

I always tell the Judge about the great tradition of jury

nullification in the USA.

For some unknown reason , I never make it past the selection

process.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:20 | 4357212 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

I was planning on working that into the conversation, but thanks Winston.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:41 | 4357289 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

I'd personally keep my mouth shut on that, especially if it was a victimless crime.  Then, I'd nullify like a motherfucker if it was something that I felt should be legal. 

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:50 | 4357318 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Oddly enough, I was already excused from a case involving financial fraud.  I pointed out the legal precidence showing that it was pretty much impossible to confict anyone, including the CEO or CFO, on such charges.

I think this is a murder case.  I know the cops that collected the evidence and they gave me a big head's up.

Yes, I could be fucked.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:51 | 4357319 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Back then I could not afford the time away from my business.

My name obviously got marked on a list somewhere ,because I've

had no jury summons for over five years now ,before it was every two

years, like clockwork.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 00:36 | 4357967 slightlyskeptical
slightlyskeptical's picture

Ditto here. Been about 10 years. Of course, last time I blew the Jury pool up because the stupid attorneys let way too many facts of the case emerge in the jury selection. They asked about prejuidice and I explain that I was already prejudiced as I spelled out the correct verdict in the case. I was immediately free(asked) to leave. Always wondered what went on after I left. Serves them right for holding us in there for 6+ hours over a stupid soft tissue damage lawsuit. Soft tissue damage can't be proved but definitely exist so in all fairness you have to rule in favor of anyone who has substantial reason to claim it.

Sorry for boring you all but it was a sweet memory.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:25 | 4357226 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

Dear Employees: Any questions?

#AskJPM

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:03 | 4357148 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

they'll crash the gold and silver market tomorrow to flowerpower their bonus for sure

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:04 | 4357150 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Lawyer first, you second.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:07 | 4357158 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

LMFAO!!!  Don't worry, I am sure that they will "get buy" just fine.

Fuck em.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:09 | 4357163 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

I really don't feel sorry for any bank employee not getting a bonus or a raise.

 

Maybe they can make up for the loss with whistleblower awards.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:17 | 4357209 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Maybe they can make up for the loss with whistleblower awards."- always good to be optimistic.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 21:37 | 4357477 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

Seriously, if you worked for a bank and was privileged to info that would net you a nest egg, wouldn't you think about blowing the whistle given the situation?

They do nothing but blame low level people, so low level people should know where all the skeletons are.

The big guys get their bonuses and perks.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 21:37 | 4357486 frankTHE COIN
frankTHE COIN's picture

" No Soup For You !! "

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:08 | 4357164 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

Jamie's asshole minions get fucked, big time, while Jamie lives large.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:15 | 4357192 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

It' only one reason (of many) that explains why he is richer than them.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:08 | 4357165 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

The real reason -- lobbyist bills are through the roof.   Takes a lot of bribe money to keep cuff links out of the clink.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:13 | 4357182 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Bingo.  One has to wonder what happens when the printing presses shut off?  But then again one should always be fucking optimistic too.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:14 | 4357187 johnconnor
johnconnor's picture

the average compensation per employee at JPMorgan chase is $122,653 for real!? including all the tellers and so forth?

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:16 | 4357203 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

JPM Tellers?  WTF?  Please, anyone who has interacted with such a thing, please reply, T-rex, you go first.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:33 | 4357250 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I thnk he's talking about Chase. They're on the same payroll heirarchy.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:51 | 4357321 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Okay fine, Same fucking question, insert "Chase' in place of JPM.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 23:05 | 4357653 johnconnor
johnconnor's picture

I am asking a serious question: JPM is supposed to be all the conglomerate of JP Morgan, Chase, Bank One, Washington Mutual, Bear Stearns, etc... so if you put together that army of people working for the whole thing, you get an average compensation of $122K plus benefits per year per employee?

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:17 | 4357201 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

maggots all

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:19 | 4357211 pitz
pitz's picture

Yawn, wake me up when these "workers" have returned to their intrinsic value, which certainly is less than the average wage of US workers. 

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:23 | 4357218 Robinhood
Robinhood's picture

And that is why I am richer than you.

Sincerely, 

Your shepard Jamie

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:23 | 4357219 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

next year they'll all go to jail and serve 48 hours in exchange for Jamie's 100  year sentence. 

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:24 | 4357220 bankonzhongguo
bankonzhongguo's picture

Here is an idea.

How about every JPM contractor, consultant, lobbyist, security detail, lawyer, director, and employee (from Jaime on down to the janitor), how about each and every one of this profiting, diseased debt slavers liquidate their net worth to vacate our debt bondage and in turn each spend a month in jail for their collective crimes against humanity.  After all of that, JPM assets (your debt) is liquidated and every building burned down.

Anyone still squawking about this is then put at the bottom of the ocean or shot into the middle of the Sun.  This is after their entire families are sterilized.

After than, we move over to Wells Fargo, GS, BOA and the like.  Basically any shareholder of the Fed.

Praise Jesus.

No Justice. No Peace.

 

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 21:30 | 4357459 SweetDoug
SweetDoug's picture

'

'

'

Oh… One of those bloody bleeding heart libtards that want go soft on crime, eh?!

 

•J–<
V-V

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 23:13 | 4357787 artless
artless's picture

I'm good with that. Same for the Morgan Stanley folks. The Goldman Sack.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:23 | 4357221 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

Just get rid of banks and money already, archaic systems of a past generation, like governments.

Most governments nowadays are obsolete going through the last motions in their death spiral, same with banks, in 10 years there wont be "banking" there will only be free market money backed by technology.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:45 | 4357246 grunk
grunk's picture

You didn't whistleblow that.

Yet.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:31 | 4357247 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Damn it! I was really counting on them trickling down on me this year.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 21:37 | 4357481 Occams_Chainsaw
Occams_Chainsaw's picture

Let's stop with the trickle down arguments which have become quite vapid.  Let's instead talk about knob-slobbing payoff economics which are really the way things work.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:43 | 4357253 Bugsquasher
Bugsquasher's picture

Alternative title: "How To Make a Whistleblower!"

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:34 | 4357254 tweedle dee
tweedle dee's picture

Boo Bloody Hoo!

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:57 | 4357345 Fíréan
Fíréan's picture

"JPM employees can forget getting a pay raise in 2013"

 

someone please tell the author it's 2014 now,  2013 has been and gone.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 21:29 | 4357455 SweetDoug
SweetDoug's picture

'

'

'

Oh…

 

Ha! Ha!

 

•J•
V-V

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 22:08 | 4357584 tvdog
tvdog's picture

Well, as long as there's a good reason...

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 22:21 | 4357626 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

They can go sell bad apples on the street corners of shyster city.

Wed, 01/22/2014 - 23:04 | 4357758 Dineroguru
Dineroguru's picture

Who can name an organization with less credibility than JPM?  Too close to call, but ok the Federal Gov't-- but JPM is really just an extention of that, Gov't in general-- agreed, Goldman?  Sears/Kmart?  Warren Buffett?  CNBC? Morgan Stanley, AIG?  IMF?  EURO- Bureaucrats?  Help me out on this one....  JPM has a rapp sheet longer than my arm-- from just this year too!

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 07:35 | 4358256 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

That's why they are poorer than you Jamie!

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 08:34 | 4358290 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Most of JPMorgan' job cuts were from positions handling mortgage loans. Some tellers in bank branches were also replaced with financial advisors selling investment products.

nothing like obtaining a series 7 to cash checks and count cash.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 08:35 | 4358292 Debt Slave
Debt Slave's picture

It's very simple. The folks at JPM don't get a bonus because they didn't work hard enough to hide JPM's financial crimes. Let that be a lesson to you and GET BACK TO WORK.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 09:01 | 4358318 Dr. Destructo
Dr. Destructo's picture

Do they even need to hide it anymore? It's common knowledge that they fuck over everyone so they gave up on trying to portray a positive image to people after #AskJPM. The good news is they don't really need any PR done so that cuts costs.

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