Thursday Humor? The Real Reason Venezuela Matters

Tyler Durden's picture


With toilet paper shortages, record high stock prices, a lack of staple food supply, and a black market currency hyperinflating its way into solving the toilet paper shortage; many continue to wonder why they should care about a Latin American country's collapse into socialist revolution. The answer, simply put, lies in the following map...

Countries shaded by number of Miss World winners...

(h/t @Amazing_Maps )


A Venezuelan has been the winner of Miss World more times that any other nation... do you really want that to go away?



The Miss Venezuela contestants show that even with no toilet paper, one can still clean up nicely...

Now be a patriot and start buying Bolivars at the government rates...

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Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:30 | 4360465 dow jones 20000
dow jones 20000's picture

now there's an export you can build an economy around.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:41 | 4360501 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

The one percenters don't require toilet paper for rectal clean-up anyway... they just call over their congressmen and senators...

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:50 | 4360536 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

I'll second the Tylers on this one.

The Venezuelan girls I've met in the Caribbean are usually gorgeous and muy amable.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:55 | 4360556 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

I confirm many sightings of beautiful women in Venezuela.  And they take that stuff very seriously down there (like Mississippi does re Miss America) re Miss World.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:14 | 4360619 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Socialism is create very beautiful girl by limit of caloric intake.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:56 | 4360756 economics9698
economics9698's picture

Just grab that ass and they are ready to go.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 21:06 | 4360947 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I wanna fry my maduro in your hot oil, amorcita.  And, yes I would like the blinds dusted when you finish the windows.

Fri, 01/24/2014 - 02:53 | 4361849 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

I see Canada got the same number of winners as Antarctica.  I guess that proves Canada isn't even a real country.

Fri, 01/24/2014 - 03:11 | 4361859 Rock On Roger
Rock On Roger's picture

Canada is the hyphen in Anglo-American.


Stack On

Fri, 01/24/2014 - 03:49 | 4361891 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

You have not been twerked until a Latina fries your frijoles. These gringas are amateurs.

Fri, 01/24/2014 - 12:44 | 4363027 Gankfest
Gankfest's picture

I can build a lot in that! :P

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:59 | 4360764 PhilB
PhilB's picture

Capitalism is to create obesse women by tricking them into consuming excess calories

Fri, 01/24/2014 - 05:07 | 4361930 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture


Everyone needs a fat girl.

Heat in the winter,

Shade in the summer.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 20:02 | 4360767 PhilB
PhilB's picture

The Great Socialist Republic of Hollywood ;)

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 20:30 | 4360835 RECISION
RECISION's picture


Russia has the same thing going on too...

Very beautiful.

(until they open their mouths and talk...)

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 20:44 | 4360885 economics9698
economics9698's picture

Yep that 93 IQ thing gets boring after a few rounds.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 21:53 | 4361120 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Rounds of drinks?

Fri, 01/24/2014 - 07:40 | 4362028 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

that can be beaten out of them

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 20:31 | 4360846 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

That's an economy you can get your teeth into.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 21:40 | 4361078 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

Socialism provide nice Brazilian wax under swimsuit.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 22:29 | 4361225 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Any chance the failure of Venezuela could send a few million of those beautiful gals slipping under the border fence? 


Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:19 | 4360629 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Of course a bare handful of people might be interested in more mundane things like bearings sales in Peru.  Probably not many, but some...  

"2013 Ameru Results"

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 21:16 | 4360977 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

It takes a lot of balls to publish a number like that.

Sat, 01/25/2014 - 12:37 | 4366661 HedgeYourself
HedgeYourself's picture

Agreed. There are many balls in each bearing, so dcrb is in excellent position to share - thank you !

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:12 | 4360614 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Boris is confuse by photograph of female scholarship applicant and current condition of absence of toilet paper in Venezuela... Is applicant not use toilet paper for configuration of sparse bathing attire? But why is toilet paper black and how is to swim in water soluble garment...?

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:39 | 4360703 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

I'll go ahead and take one for the team...

I will volunteer to clean the shit off those girls in the photo should it be needed.

Hey, sometimes you gotta get dirteeee.......

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 20:05 | 4360769 TheGardener
TheGardener's picture

Astonishing exotic beauties might arise of this mixed people
if they are very young. In neighboring Columbia Nicolas Gomez Davila stated while having the miscreants of this his continent and new world in mind : "God made the white and the black people. Not the mixed ones." Call me racist and have me banned, but if anything bans Latin America from ever catching up it will be Catholic belief systems in an eternal loser state of mind and screwed up genes as in mixed races.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 20:11 | 4360791 Terminus C
Terminus C's picture

I don't think you are a racist, but I do think your comment was one of the least intelligent things I have read in quite some time.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 20:56 | 4360910 unrulian
unrulian's picture

you're very forgiving...i'd be more inclined to call him an asshat

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 21:25 | 4361020 Wait What
Wait What's picture

there's a school of thought in LatAm that supports part of the asshat's argument. basically there's caste system in LatAm that inculcates the inferiority of mixed race and dark people in their minds. it gets spread through the media, religious, and education system, filling their little heads with drivel about what is and should be. it's one of the reasons interbreeding (most commonly european blooded male-indigineous female) has been frowned upon for centuries. but stopping guys from having sex with pretty girls of any race is like stopping a tsunami, not gonna happen.

the part that makes no sense is his genetics argument. selectivity in genetic traits is one of the hot reasearch topics in biotech. if you can mix the better traits of separate races, net of anomalys/mutations, you can create some amazing creatures... like those venezuelans beauties.

most confusing about his argument is this: who is the wealthiest (reported) human on earth? last i checked it was Mr. Slim, from Latin America.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 23:54 | 4361553 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

"Carlos" is Lebanese

Fri, 01/24/2014 - 02:32 | 4361825 atomp
atomp's picture

Wait! What?!? /s

Fri, 01/24/2014 - 03:33 | 4361878 Wait What
Wait What's picture

you seem to be confusing genetics with culture(statehood?). being of lebanese descent doesn't negate the 100+ years his family spent in LatAm. by that logic, the only real 'americans' or 'brazilians' or 'canadians' are natives, not those german/english/portuguese/african bastards running around the americas today. note that there isn't one american (latin or otherwise) of prominence who didn't have a father/grandfather/great-grandfather from the old world.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 21:08 | 4360953 MrButtoMcFarty
MrButtoMcFarty's picture

Why ban the idiots.....they are fun to watch....

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 21:20 | 4360991 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Do you confuse catholic with marxist?

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:15 | 4360621 1100-TACTICAL-12
1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

I do love that brown beaver....


Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:36 | 4360694 Dane Bramage
Dane Bramage's picture

"Get in there and get the blood diamond!  Where amnesty intl now?!"

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 22:48 | 4361315 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

ZeroHead; YOU HIT ONE OUT OF THE PARK with that statement! I salute you!

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:44 | 4360508 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Ben and Janet insist the solution to Venezuela's woes are to print a lot more money very quickly and give it to the wealthy...

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 22:08 | 4361167 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Now what do you suppose Van Morrison meant when he sang about his "Brown-Eyed Girl".  Venezuelan?

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 22:23 | 4361210 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Heck ya, I'll sponsor a few to live in my house.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:30 | 4360466 Ulterior
Ulterior's picture

anybody understood what that map is about? I have 2 university degrees and I didnt

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:32 | 4360471 dow jones 20000
dow jones 20000's picture

number of times someone from a particular country has won Miss World.

I was puzzled for a second as well. 

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:32 | 4360478 Ulterior
Ulterior's picture

oh... I thought its the thickness of toilet paper leaves used

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:37 | 4360497 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

India won five times.

That was back when hairy beavers were all the rage.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:44 | 4360524 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I love me some 70's porn bush.

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 23:04 | 4361389 WTFMOFO
WTFMOFO's picture

Been awhile since I seen a Sascrotch!

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:45 | 4360526 maskone909
maskone909's picture

and to think Niger hasnt one err won once....

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 19:59 | 4360765 BlackHorsewithScales
BlackHorsewithScales's picture

...just biased judges, or perhaps hotness inequality; another job for big gummint....

Thu, 01/23/2014 - 21:24 | 4361013 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Map? What map? :)

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