Joe LaVorgna Hits A Home Run With This Morning's Comedy

Tyler Durden's picture

Surely, Joe LaVorgna - elsewhere known as Groundhog Phil's nemesis - should be allowed to monetize his epic sense of humor, captured most recently by this absolutely hilarious note just released by DB, seemingly with no editorial oversight.

January consumer confidence rose +3.2 points to 80.7 after the prior month was revised down -0.6 points to 77.5. This is the highest consumer confidence reading since August 2013 (81.8). In the details of the report, both current conditions (79.1 vs. 75.3) and future expectations (81.8 vs. 79.0) increased in the month with the former rising to a new post recession high. More importantly, consumers modestly upgraded their assessment of the labor market as both jobs plentiful (12.7 vs. 11.9) and jobs hard-to-get (32.6 vs. 32.9) improved in January. This bodes well for January employment which is reported next Friday. At present, we expect a +200k gain on nonfarm payrolls and a two-tenths decline in the unemployment rate to 6.5%. While weather should not have been a factor during the survey week, we will wait for the ADP report on Wednesday to make final tweaks to our forecast. In general, this morning’s confidence data bode well for current quarter consumption and likely reflect the ongoing massive improvement in household balance sheets that we have been highlighting for some time now as a key catalyst for growth in the coming quarters.

Yup: "ongoing massive improvement", because the $77 or so trillion in household wealth is spread evenly among America's 330 million people.

No comment on the UMich confidence from two weeks ago which missed by the most in eight years. Oh wait, we forgot that one was impacted by the weather. What we wonder is if Joe was laughing like a madman as he hit sent.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Gene Parmesan's picture

Let me guess - the term household balance sheets includes 401k values, home values, and all other sorts of illiquid crap.

FieldingMellish's picture

It also aggregates the households that are at the top 0.00001% versus the rest.

NotApplicable's picture

Would those be "non-GAAP" balance sheets, by any chance?

TruthInSunshine's picture

Joey "the silly cunt" LaVorgna.

Because everyone deserves a fitting nickname.

Dixie Rect's picture

In Joe LaVorgna's best Gilbert Gottfried voice, "We call the act, The Aristocrats"

gmrpeabody's picture

Surely this clown must have been appointed by Obama...

JohnnyBriefcase's picture

Home values are like the inverse of gold.


Home values increase as demand decreases.

Gold values decrease as demand increases.


I think I got it now!

wee-weed up's picture

Nose planted firmly up Obama's ass!

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

All data looks good when you're standing on your head.

OutLookingIn's picture

This old boy Joe, is pissing down our backs, then telling us its raining!

Canadian Dirtlump's picture

Don't forget the positive effect foodstamps are making on increasing numbers of household balance sheets.


Stinky Joe is a real fukkin sage isn't he. LOL.

Gene Parmesan's picture

Excellent reminder. Also - how do we account for worthless college degrees? I assume student loan debt is excluded.

DosZap's picture

He'e either working for the O Team, or is on hallucinogens.

Translational Lift's picture

He'e either working for the O Team, or is on hallucinogens.

Or both.....


SAT 800's picture

Not saying I wouldn't like to try a toke on whatever he's got in that blunt; must be really good shit man, to be able to see increasing household weath; I'm looking till my eyes hurt and I can't see any.

fooshorter's picture

meh. jokes on us.

digitlman's picture

Part idiot/part shill?


Or 100% or either?

akak's picture

Actually, little Joey Bologna is half idiot, half shill and full insane.

lasvegaspersona's picture

The old Wobblie/Commie got me playing my first banjo 45 years ago. Spent hours setting the needle back on the record and pouring over 'How to Play the 5-String Banjo'. Never did like his politics but he had a good heart.

DrunkMath's picture

Strange things happen when your most willing and able market participants have no money to invest, because they have a negative net worth due to student loans. Myself included. Meanwhile baby boomers live in the same house they've lived in for 20 years, have $1-5m in assets, and have almost the exact same monthly cashflow (see my parents).

ebworthen's picture

I'd say be happy because you might inherit something but the .gov and banks will likely confiscate most of it.

lasvegaspersona's picture

and we helping pay our kids mortgages, grand kids braces and still are welcome.

Better check your stats on household wealth though, I think you and Joe are getting your data from the same unicorn.

Cursive's picture

Did LaVorgna tweet, "I heart Tom Perkins!" this morning?

alfred b.'s picture


...and he's from what planet???


Cursive's picture

@alfred b.

Planet Pathetic-Sychophant

alfred b.'s picture


lolll ....agreed!    the planet of the 1%


Stoploss's picture

I improved my household balance sheet by cancelling all of my non necessary NSA, er, AT&T services!!

nightshiftsucks's picture

Ahh that Joe,what a joker. On a different but much more important matters I need advice from you fine people. I'm getting surgery tonight at 7:00pm,WTF I guess the Doc does better after a few cocktails.Anyways the pain medication clogged me up,I took an exlax and now have been shitting up a storm.Please take the poll below.

nightshiftsucks's picture

Do nothing and risk shitting the operating table bed.

Take and Imodium and add it into the mix of all the other drugs.

I'm counting on you guys to give me good advice.

i_call_you_my_base's picture

I wouldn't mix laxatives and diarrhea medication. It's like a fecal speedball.

nightshiftsucks's picture

Shit man stop,I laughed so hard my leg is hurting again.

Woodhippie's picture

"Shit man" .... lol .. this thread just keeps on giving!

Deo vindice's picture

Fonestar says: "Take two bitcoins and call me in the morning"

nightshiftsucks's picture

Like suppositories,how do I shove something up my ass that isn't there ?

StychoKiller's picture

When did you first notice your ass was missing? :>D

lasvegaspersona's picture

whatevere you do tell the anesthesiologist!

q99x2's picture

Must have been leveraged last week and hasn't gotten out yet.

Caveman93's picture

He must be in Colorado.

ebworthen's picture

Joe Labologna just went from shill to uber shill.

In the culinary world of finanacial media he is a rotten cabbage leaf stuffed with rancid offal.

monopoly's picture

"Massive" I tell you, massive, firing on all cylinders. I guess my house is the only one that has not gone up in value. What a crock of shit. Do they pay this guy?

ebworthen's picture

All propagandists are paid:  first by their employer, second by the deluded society, and thirdly by the Devil.

lasvegaspersona's picture

here in Vegas the assessor's office is getting frisky with upping the assessed value...thanks Blackrock, you got my taxes raised but my house still can't sell for what it is now said to be worth.

Chump's picture

True story, a guy I used to work with appealed his revaluation, arguing that his home should be valued higher.  That means it's worth more, get it?

ebworthen's picture

"Please Sir, may I have another?!"

Smegley Wanxalot's picture

Fukkin weather.  I was gonna go out and buy! buy ! buy!  and waste my entire household balance sheet in one day of consumerist nirvana, but since I gotta wear a coat I'm just gonna sit around and wait for OWN to air an Oprah Windbag rerun.

SAT 800's picture

It's all due to Global Warming; so don't forget to ride your bicycle to the Mall.

syntaxterror's picture

ZeroCare subsidies bitches!