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Joe LaVorgna Hits A Home Run With This Morning's Comedy

Tyler Durden's picture


Surely, Joe LaVorgna - elsewhere known as Groundhog Phil's nemesis - should be allowed to monetize his epic sense of humor, captured most recently by this absolutely hilarious note just released by DB, seemingly with no editorial oversight.

January consumer confidence rose +3.2 points to 80.7 after the prior month was revised down -0.6 points to 77.5. This is the highest consumer confidence reading since August 2013 (81.8). In the details of the report, both current conditions (79.1 vs. 75.3) and future expectations (81.8 vs. 79.0) increased in the month with the former rising to a new post recession high. More importantly, consumers modestly upgraded their assessment of the labor market as both jobs plentiful (12.7 vs. 11.9) and jobs hard-to-get (32.6 vs. 32.9) improved in January. This bodes well for January employment which is reported next Friday. At present, we expect a +200k gain on nonfarm payrolls and a two-tenths decline in the unemployment rate to 6.5%. While weather should not have been a factor during the survey week, we will wait for the ADP report on Wednesday to make final tweaks to our forecast. In general, this morning’s confidence data bode well for current quarter consumption and likely reflect the ongoing massive improvement in household balance sheets that we have been highlighting for some time now as a key catalyst for growth in the coming quarters.

Yup: "ongoing massive improvement", because the $77 or so trillion in household wealth is spread evenly among America's 330 million people.

No comment on the UMich confidence from two weeks ago which missed by the most in eight years. Oh wait, we forgot that one was impacted by the weather. What we wonder is if Joe was laughing like a madman as he hit sent.


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Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:51 | 4375519 Gene Parmesan
Gene Parmesan's picture

Let me guess - the term household balance sheets includes 401k values, home values, and all other sorts of illiquid crap.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:52 | 4375529 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

It also aggregates the households that are at the top 0.00001% versus the rest.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:00 | 4375568 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Would those be "non-GAAP" balance sheets, by any chance?

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:04 | 4375582 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Joey "the silly cunt" LaVorgna.

Because everyone deserves a fitting nickname.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:14 | 4375658 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

In Joe LaVorgna's best Gilbert Gottfried voice, "We call the act, The Aristocrats"

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:51 | 4375825 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Surely this clown must have been appointed by Obama...

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:16 | 4375936 JohnnyBriefcase
JohnnyBriefcase's picture

Home values are like the inverse of gold.


Home values increase as demand decreases.

Gold values decrease as demand increases.


I think I got it now!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 15:06 | 4376259 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Nose planted firmly up Obama's ass!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 15:27 | 4376368 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

All data looks good when you're standing on your head.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 18:54 | 4377200 OutLookingIn
OutLookingIn's picture

This old boy Joe, is pissing down our backs, then telling us its raining!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:08 | 4375622 Canadian Dirtlump
Canadian Dirtlump's picture

Don't forget the positive effect foodstamps are making on increasing numbers of household balance sheets.


Stinky Joe is a real fukkin sage isn't he. LOL.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:09 | 4375634 Gene Parmesan
Gene Parmesan's picture

Excellent reminder. Also - how do we account for worthless college degrees? I assume student loan debt is excluded.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:13 | 4375651 DosZap
DosZap's picture

He'e either working for the O Team, or is on hallucinogens.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:59 | 4375856 Translational Lift
Translational Lift's picture

He'e either working for the O Team, or is on hallucinogens.

Or both.....


Tue, 01/28/2014 - 15:18 | 4376332 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Not saying I wouldn't like to try a toke on whatever he's got in that blunt; must be really good shit man, to be able to see increasing household weath; I'm looking till my eyes hurt and I can't see any.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:54 | 4375527 fooshorter
fooshorter's picture

meh. jokes on us.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:53 | 4375537 digitlman
digitlman's picture

Part idiot/part shill?


Or 100% or either?

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:28 | 4375718 akak
akak's picture

Actually, little Joey Bologna is half idiot, half shill and full insane.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:35 | 4375757 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Joe LaVorgna is... ManShillTaint.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:09 | 4375900 akak
akak's picture

And he's serial!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:54 | 4375539 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Forget Lavagina.  RIP Pete Seger:

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:27 | 4375716 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

The old Wobblie/Commie got me playing my first banjo 45 years ago. Spent hours setting the needle back on the record and pouring over 'How to Play the 5-String Banjo'. Never did like his politics but he had a good heart.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:56 | 4375544 DrunkMath
DrunkMath's picture

Strange things happen when your most willing and able market participants have no money to invest, because they have a negative net worth due to student loans. Myself included. Meanwhile baby boomers live in the same house they've lived in for 20 years, have $1-5m in assets, and have almost the exact same monthly cashflow (see my parents).

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:08 | 4375625 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I'd say be happy because you might inherit something but the .gov and banks will likely confiscate most of it.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:49 | 4376154 negative rates
negative rates's picture

They can't confiscate what they can't spend in two years.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:49 | 4375728 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

and we helping pay our kids mortgages, grand kids braces and still are welcome.

Better check your stats on household wealth though, I think you and Joe are getting your data from the same unicorn.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:55 | 4375545 Cursive
Cursive's picture

Did LaVorgna tweet, "I heart Tom Perkins!" this morning?

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:55 | 4375546 alfred b.
alfred b.'s picture


...and he's from what planet???


Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:09 | 4375626 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@alfred b.

Planet Pathetic-Sychophant

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:42 | 4375785 alfred b.
alfred b.'s picture


lolll ....agreed!    the planet of the 1%


Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:55 | 4375548 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

I improved my household balance sheet by cancelling all of my non necessary NSA, er, AT&T services!!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:56 | 4375551 nightshiftsucks
nightshiftsucks's picture

Ahh that Joe,what a joker. On a different but much more important matters I need advice from you fine people. I'm getting surgery tonight at 7:00pm,WTF I guess the Doc does better after a few cocktails.Anyways the pain medication clogged me up,I took an exlax and now have been shitting up a storm.Please take the poll below.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:00 | 4375566 nightshiftsucks
nightshiftsucks's picture

Do nothing and risk shitting the operating table bed.

Take and Imodium and add it into the mix of all the other drugs.

I'm counting on you guys to give me good advice.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:02 | 4375585 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

I wouldn't mix laxatives and diarrhea medication. It's like a fecal speedball.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:07 | 4375620 nightshiftsucks
nightshiftsucks's picture

Shit man stop,I laughed so hard my leg is hurting again.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:51 | 4375822 Woodhippie
Woodhippie's picture

"Shit man" .... lol .. this thread just keeps on giving!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:03 | 4375591 Deo vindice
Deo vindice's picture

Fonestar says: "Take two bitcoins and call me in the morning"

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:10 | 4375632 nightshiftsucks
nightshiftsucks's picture

Like suppositories,how do I shove something up my ass that isn't there ?

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 18:12 | 4377051 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

When did you first notice your ass was missing? :>D

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:49 | 4375820 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

whatevere you do tell the anesthesiologist!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:56 | 4375555 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Must have been leveraged last week and hasn't gotten out yet.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:00 | 4375570 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

He must be in Colorado.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:04 | 4375576 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Joe Labologna just went from shill to uber shill.

In the culinary world of finanacial media he is a rotten cabbage leaf stuffed with rancid offal.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:01 | 4375581 monopoly
monopoly's picture

"Massive" I tell you, massive, firing on all cylinders. I guess my house is the only one that has not gone up in value. What a crock of shit. Do they pay this guy?

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:06 | 4375608 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

All propagandists are paid:  first by their employer, second by the deluded society, and thirdly by the Devil.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:51 | 4375829 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

here in Vegas the assessor's office is getting frisky with upping the assessed value...thanks Blackrock, you got my taxes raised but my house still can't sell for what it is now said to be worth.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:25 | 4375979 Chump
Chump's picture

True story, a guy I used to work with appealed his revaluation, arguing that his home should be valued higher.  That means it's worth more, get it?

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 17:02 | 4376782 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Please Sir, may I have another?!"

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:23 | 4375595 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

Fukkin weather.  I was gonna go out and buy! buy ! buy!  and waste my entire household balance sheet in one day of consumerist nirvana, but since I gotta wear a coat I'm just gonna sit around and wait for OWN to air an Oprah Windbag rerun.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 15:24 | 4376359 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

It's all due to Global Warming; so don't forget to ride your bicycle to the Mall.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:05 | 4375609 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

ZeroCare subsidies bitches!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:07 | 4375619 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

It's gold Joey, comedy gold I tell you!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:08 | 4375627 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

The industry is full of knuckleheads like this.  Embarrassment!  How guys like this even get paid is beyond me.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:11 | 4375639 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Thye President of Washington D.C. raised the minimum wage (by decree) for contractors (that don't work in the Winter) to 21,000 per year (assuming they work in the Winter and gett 40/hors per wk) I'm not sure what taxes are but if 25% then take home of around 1300/mo or just enough to afford the alcohol and drugs necessary to commit suicide.

No wonder the Mexicans are leaving.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:10 | 4375640 arnoldsimage
arnoldsimage's picture

he reminds me of my dispatchers. i asked one the other day, "do you guys go to class to learn how to lie, or does it just come natural?"

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:15 | 4375665 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Was this twat born with a coke spoon up his nose or is he just a prat?

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:16 | 4375671 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

Sort of OT, but speaking of idiots:

I do not have a forbes account, and have no intention of EVER having one, but if you do and feel the compuslion, please let this elitist bag of crap know how you feel about his defense of Turd Perkins. In his absurd tripefest he seems to fail to notice that for decades it has been the minority, the very wealthy/connected, having their way with the majority, everyone else. What a fucktard.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:19 | 4375678 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Someone should feed Joey boy through a woodchipper.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:19 | 4375688 Jayda1850
Jayda1850's picture

Can we hang him on the closest lightpost next to bernanke?

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:32 | 4375741 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

That works too but I like the idea of feeding them all feet first so they can enjoy a similar pain we're experiencing through their policies.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:21 | 4375692 youngman
youngman's picture

His tea leaves that he is reading are much different that the ones I am reading...I guess that makes a market...but it sure is different..

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:51 | 4376174 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Yea, palm readers went bankrupt along time ago.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:23 | 4375696 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

Okay....I'll buy it.

Now, can we PLEASE stop hearing all the whining and crying about excessive student loan debt, multi-year unemployment extensions, and food stamp "cuts"?


Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:38 | 4375767 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

Is anyone actually paying this guy a salary for writing this crap? Unless it is intended to be disinformation, but even disinformation has to be believable.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:48 | 4375817 walküre
walküre's picture

Once people figure out that their money is either worth less and less each day or the banks are using client's funds to bail themselves out, the confidence will shoot to the moon. People will spend what little they have as quickly as they can and buy whatever is not nailed down. They will steal of course as will. Wise manufacturers will interpret this as a huge economic boon and start replacing, stocking up and warehousing and then waiting for people to come back again for more.

Only then, people are entirely broke and the currency is worthless. People rubbing pennies to afford their rent, heat and bread.

I'm absolutely confident that 90% of Americans will be happy just to live another day! The new "happiness" index will be off the charts!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 13:50 | 4375819 Chump
Chump's picture

Go die in a fire Joe.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:12 | 4375904 akak
akak's picture

Oh he will, he will.

Many will roast in the Bonfire of the Insanities.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:18 | 4375952 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Tylers handle all the vomit so I get the comedy notes without having to watch it & scar my own eyeballs.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:22 | 4375961 nakki
nakki's picture

 Who next year will be know as Joe LaVRONGA, will have never seen it coming (bubbles popping)  and still have a job. Either that or Janet will be buying 120 billion a month and most everyone will still be fucked, but S&P 2200 will mean that everything is just peachy.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:27 | 4375988 knowshitsurelock
knowshitsurelock's picture

So, household balance sheets are looking pretty good eh?

Just jack up the alleged value of your house, exclude non essential debt such as student loan debt and credit card debt, leave out non essential expenses like I-phones, cable TV, food, gas, and clothing and guess what?

Your balance sheet looks just like the ones on Wall Street!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:35 | 4376044 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Excluding all debt, liabilities, and expenses, US household balance sheets have never looked better.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 16:51 | 4376736 akak
akak's picture

And constant inflation-adjusted prices prove that there is no inflation.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 14:48 | 4376142 corporatewhore
corporatewhore's picture

he's very smart in the way that corporate financial firms want you to be.  he parrots the party line--no negativity, keep positive--all the while the economy is in the toilet.  but being positive pays the bills and funds the lifestyle.  Been there, done that.  They're mostly liars or professional psychos/socios in a very nicely cut suit from Brooks or better.  Drive the lexus, or jag (a little too flashy), big egos, usually smoke and definitely drink.  winter in Caribbean, etc.  home is overly large for what is needed. trophy wife #1, 2 or 3 filled with insincerity.  Home usually painted virgin white with white carpeting, white drapes, white furniture.  Children in boardin school or very expensive private ones.  Patron of the arts yet hates the gays.  Generally Protestant.  On occassion a very mixed up Catholic Opus Dei type.

Please excuse my cynicism.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 15:12 | 4376299 flacorps
flacorps's picture

The households' net worths may be improving if their unpaid credit card debt is rolling off at the expiration of the statute of limitations applicable to it (typically four or five years, but as short as three or as long as seven). That would cover a lot of folks who defaulted in the '08-'09 time frame.

Of course, many debtors don't realize there's a statute of limitations, don't know which is the correct statute of limitations to apply (this goes for attorneys and judges too), and don't know how to plead it and establish its validity in court.

On the other hand, many creditors aren't of a mind to sue either. But debtors should beware the IRS forms 1099-c that may come, requiring them to take the defaulted debt into income unless they can use a form 982 insolvency declaration to reduce or eliminate the necessity to recognize the income. Spy vs. Spy!

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 15:12 | 4376300 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

Tyler, I see what you did there! 

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 15:18 | 4376334 DavrosoftheDaleks
DavrosoftheDaleks's picture

I guess Margin Debt isn't included in a household balance sheet...Maybe I can convince the mortgage guy.

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 15:57 | 4376502 Hal n back
Hal n back's picture

so a shitty durable goods for December and a revision downward for November makes for a good jobs number.


"what difference does it make"?


pretty soon we better see more corporate revenues or pe's will not make much of a difference. And GAAP NON GAAP will not make much of a difference. And mark to model will not make much of a difference, It will all suck, as it should. 




Tue, 01/28/2014 - 18:47 | 4377168 GoBadgers
GoBadgers's picture

I know that this is more than likely a stupid question, but if one believes that *something* that resembles capitalism still exists in the world, how in the name of all that is holy does someone like Joey LaVorgna, who has gotten so much wrong over the past decade, continue to employed by anyone?

I mean, isn't it true that banks still want their bankers to make money and their economists to get at least 10% of the predictions correct for the sake of some credibility?

Someone needs to explain this to me.

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