And The Biggest "Winner" From The 2014 Emerging Market Crisis Is...

Tyler Durden's picture

While the world may be reeling in the aftermath of a horrible week for markets, which following today's largely expected $10 billion additional taper announcement, is only set to get worse (because, oops, the global economy turned out to not be in escape velocity mode as everyone simply confused the artificial level of the S&P 500 with economic output, as usual), one entity is delighted by the recent surge in volatility and market uncertainty: CNBC.

The financial station which most had left for dead after an abysmal 2013, and an end to the year in which the Comcast-owned network barely had 30K viewers in its prime 25-54 demographics (which might explain the male incontinence diaper advertisements), managed to stage a remarkable come back and saw both its broad and target demo audiences post increases (from 113K to 134K for P2+, from 34K to 45K in 25-54). Well, maybe not "remarkable" per se: we use the term loosely. Charting the Nielsen data, here is how CNBC looks as of right now.

Yeah, in retrospect, definitely not remarkable.

Then again, it is distinctly possible that the January pick up is simply seasonal following a sleepy end to the year in which absolutely nothing was allowed to go wrong. As a result, it goes without saying that the correct metric to look at is year over year change. It is here sadly, that not even CNBC is able to score any brownie points with its advertisers: the January 2014 P2+ audience dropped by 21% from 2013, while the 25-54 demo was off by 18%.

Of course: the best way to test a thesis that market volatility is actually good for the permabullish channel is to have vol continue soaring, and if possible send the VIX over 80 a la Lehman: after all who could withstand the sight of Bob Pisani explaining a 50% market drop whily crying.. If not even that manages to boost CNBC viewership to prior year levels, forget its 2007 heyday, then Comcast may as well pull the plug.

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syntaxterror's picture

More people browse ZH than watch CNBC.

Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

More like the only people who watch CNBC are ZH readers. No one else seems to care about CNBC anymore. I think they just watch it to confirm their biases at this point.

Pool Shark's picture



Actually, the biggest winner is MyRA.

Up 900% this morning:

[maybe I'll buy a few thousand shares with my pocket change just for fun...]

Pool Shark's picture




Just bought me a lottery ticket in MyRA! (Brokerage fees exceeded the value of the stock I purchased... LOL!)

[Banking on all the idiots who will be attempting to invest in Obama's safety helmet Retirement Account...]

 Makes about as much sense as any other investment thesis in this psychotic 'market.'

Say What Again's picture

If CNBC employed moar hot anchor women with serious cleavage exposure, I might watch -- but I would still keep the volume on "mute"

Rukeysers Ghost's picture

Joe Kernan has moobs. Does that count?

knukles's picture

Painfully, I tune in once in a while so I am assured what I know to be the meme pushed for the day.

Sometimes Mrs K has to administer smelling salts to bring me back.  She also frequently reminds me that the Xanax and Ativan prescriptions say one tablet once a day, not multiple handfuls as desired...

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Mrs Oaf gets tired of my nightly ambien multi-pill extravaganza.

I usually look at her funny because I can't remember what I did. 

Levadiakos's picture

I lose brain cells every time Michelle Caruso tries to tell me something.

Pegasus Muse's picture

Never gets old:

"I feel that by having CNBC on I have my pulse on the bottom 20% of the gene pool."  -- Rudolf E. Havenstein@RudyHavenstein  

knukles's picture

Never Ever Confuse "Stocks as a Efficient Discounter of Future Economic Activity" with the Simple Fucking Reality of Markets Responding to Excess Liquidity"

Wondering how come that never made a CFA exam question?

Frozen IcQb's picture

It was in the Ethics section under misrepresentation.

hedgeless_horseman's picture



Of all the used-up, dirty, lying, good-for-nothing douche bags, Jim Cramer is my favorite, especially when he wears his foreskin pink shirt and vein-blue necktie.

hedgeless_horseman's picture



My bad.  Steve Liesman was the one that looked like a fat little cock with a smile when he would wear the foreskin pink shirts and vein-blue neckties.  Cramer just wears more makeup than a two-bit whore on the first friday of the month.

maskone909's picture

i start to lose it when i hear crammers manic garbled up rhetoric.  must drive the producers crazy! "Is he reading from the script? I cant understand a fucking thing this coke head is saying!"

Peter K's picture

Rick Santelli goes over to Fox Bus, and as far as the rest? Good ridence to bad rubbish, I say. :)

jtz5's picture

Especially that douchebag Joe Kernan...

The Wisp's picture

What is CNBC never heard of it..


Winston Churchill's picture

It does disappear after a long course of anti biotics.

johnvallo's picture

I could be wrong, but I believe it's an old, wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

syntaxterror's picture

It's the background noise you'll hear in a Scottrade office.

youngman's picture

I think they try to take a difficult and try to stuff it in a 30 second sound does not need to get more detailed in your presentation...they just do the headline numbers...ZH digs into the meat of the statistics....

buzzsaw99's picture

cnbc = mouthpiece for the maggots

DOT's picture

Parents, if your child mis-behaves, require them to watch CNBC for 10 mins.

Remember to keep the sound turned off or you may be suject to charges of child abuse.

maskone909's picture

So after we get a tidalwave of emerging market defaults and drainage of current accounts, how long untill they seize the opportunity to slam gold?  anyone remember what happened to PM prices when india had to put its gold up for collateral?  this is all scripted.  a ploy to snatch up the gold and hammer those prices.

ebworthen's picture

"Oh shit!  You mean my retirement might not be safe?!?!  I'd better tune in to CNBC so they can tell me 'everything is under control' and the 'now is the time to buy'!"

Cursive's picture

As a society, we will have turned the corner when Cramer is in jail and CNBC is off air.

Levadiakos's picture

Then how will we know what he's buying?

vyeung's picture

CNBC = propagate garbage

Fiat Burner's picture

Death to mainstream media.

FieldingMellish's picture

Everyone tuning in to see if that MyRA thing is a buy or not. Jim will let us know.

TrustbutVerify's picture

Less Cramer. More Pisani and Santelli. 

DavrosoftheDaleks's picture

Just make it Santelli Business News please. 

Pisani just summarizes the WSJ headlines of the day, plus has the dude ever asked a hard question to anyone.

Levadiakos's picture

I want Bill Griffiths job. Work 1 hour a day and get paid $200k to tell us where the Dow is every 5 minutes

Spungo's picture

Who watches CNBC you ask? I would think smart investors do. My dad would watch that channel all damn day. According to him, you could become wealthy just by doing the exact opposite of what they say. When the stock market is up, nobody wants to talk about how it will go down. CNBC saying how great things are doing means a pullback is coming. When they start talking about how horrible the markets are, that's when it's time to buy. My dad would say with a big smile "there was blood in the streets today!" then start talking about all of these stocks he bought or was getting ready to buy.

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Tyler, it's time to put the ZH where the Money is: 

Get Comcast to swap CNBC with ZH.

gunsmoke011's picture

That is because they provide such insightful analysis - ike that which they just provided about the drop in labor participation rate. While many though - myslef included - that the drop was due to jobs vanishing and idiots not having the skill set to do the jobs -- we learn that it is all due to Bernanke successfully reviving the wealth effect - so that those with 401K's are all retiring early and are no longer in the work force. Comforting isn't it.

Clowns on Acid's picture

Cramer should have had a part in the Wolf of Wall Street movie. Rag merchant trade is in his DNA.