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Gartman Comedy Hour

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Two days ago, when the market was plunging, this is what Gartman released to the several subscribers he has left:

If long of stocks anywhere, get less long… demonstrably. If one is net long of gold, get longer; if one is long of emerging market currencies, get out… at whatever price one can get. If one is long of commodities or commodity related investments, at very least reduce that exposure materially. This situation in China may pass and it may actually be, as the Chinese have said it is, a problem of “system maintenance” and nothing more; and we certainly hope it shall pass or that it is a mere problem with the “system,” but we fear that this is the first of the cockroaches, and there is never just one cockroach… ever.

Subsequently the market surged, and the lira imploded by 2000 pips in the span of 48 hours.

This morning, in the aftermath of the Turkish "bailout" (rest in peace), and when futures were still soaring, this is what Gartman's expert opinion advise same several subscribers:

... we have to remain bullish of shares generallyand certainly we cannot and we will not adopt a bearish perspective until that trend line clearly has been broken from above.

How about now? Or now? Or now?

 

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Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:43 | 4379517 stant
stant's picture

does he still have a yen for gold?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:44 | 4379536 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Isn't he a character on South Park?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:46 | 4379543 Dealer
Dealer's picture

This man is a fucking idiot.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:49 | 4379568 Arius
Arius's picture

Anybody and i mean EVERYBODY can be found to have made a mistake in retrospective.  However, it takes guts to make calls and to his credit Gartman is on the frontlines everyday, not like some internet warriors over here...

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:56 | 4379596 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

This is trading 101 people - the trend is your friend. Don't ever trade against the trend unless you want to get smoked. Gartman and the sell side analysts are experts who have been playing this game at a professional level longer than any of you losers have been trading single shares with your unemployment benefits. Dismiss his advice at your own expense.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:59 | 4379602 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Yeah right.  Now go fuck yourself!  Again!

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:05 | 4379616 synergize
synergize's picture

How much do his subscribers pay him to tell them the sky is blue the market is going in the direction that it is currently going? 

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:49 | 4379856 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Sounds like he's using my trading strategy....

 

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:49 | 4379861 nantucket
nantucket's picture

yeah, he tells you what has happened, not what's going to happen.  he should just come out with a fund called "Hindsight 20/20 Fund".  it's rebalanced everyday after you see what stocks were up the most for that day.  guaranteed to crush any other investment.  problem is, you can't actually execture the strategy, but the THEORY works great...on paper.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:42 | 4379811 gdiamond22
gdiamond22's picture

You are missing the other half of that Trading 101, MDB. The trend is your friend, UNTIL THE END. It happens swiftly and faster than you can react, which is what we are seeing now. There is also analysis that must take into account other 'trends' around the world with regards to stock prices, most notably EM countries. The divergence of many indices, globally, usually has implications for what is about to come. It has happened many times throughout history. History also suggests that the stock market, most notably the US STOCK MARKET, is always last to realize what is happening. Beyond your Trading 101 reference you should study the inter/intra-market relationships both domestically and globally. You might learn something you fucking serf.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:57 | 4379902 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

Trading 101 is thus:

 

There are two types of market, ranging and trending.

 

1). In a trending market

a). trade with the trend using wide trailing stops.

b). trade against the trend using tight fixed stops.

 

2). In a ranging market

a). be a contrarian, trade reversal patterns (oversold overbought) when at the edge of the range

b). stay out of no mans land.

 

It should be noted that 90% of the time a trending market will end with a ranging market.

 

 

Oh and never ever risk more than 10% of your account.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 13:57 | 4380478 Rock the Casbah
Rock the Casbah's picture

It's posts like this that make me think MDB is a sock puppet. 

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:57 | 4379598 Ponzi Pontiff
Ponzi Pontiff's picture

Those who know, don't say.  Those who say, don't know.  He's a pumper and dumper, talking his book.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:05 | 4379628 SilverDOG
SilverDOG's picture

  Arius,

 

 

I think you just did.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:37 | 4379760 jcaz
jcaz's picture

The dude has been wrong on LITERALLY every call he's made the past three months- I know this for a fact, because I've traded against EVERY ONE of his proclamations-  he's a living miracle, because even JPM doesn't get 100% on their trade blotter;

But it's nice that you can defend your son,  Mrs Gartman......

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:51 | 4379574 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

"Remain calm; all is well."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDAmPIq29ro

 

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:50 | 4379575 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@Dealer

Or, in other parlance, an investment newsletter publisher.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:00 | 4379605 linniepar
linniepar's picture

Long cheezypoofs.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:30 | 4379712 The.Harmless.Who
The.Harmless.Who's picture

 

Hmm Gartman.....

 

I recently tried to subscribe to his newsletter. 

 

My request was declined:

 

We have reviewed your request and unfortunately there has been a problem in authenticating and/or approving the request.  Our records indicate that you may be ineligible for a trial subscription because you may be covered under a current subscription or you may be ineligible because of previous participation in a trial, registration of multiple email addresses, or an issue authenticating the submitted information.

 

To this day, I have no idea what the hell they are talking about!!!

 

But,  I guess, this is the definition of "dodging a bullet", and I've never been happier or wealthier since to be honest; so in a way, I'm glad to know about the existence of Dennis Gartman, just as I am glad to be aware of the dangers of the Zionist Fed.

 

(Greenspan, Bernanke, Yellen, and Fischer - are Zionists, QED).

 

"A wise man gets more from his enemies than a fool from his friends."

 

 

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 13:12 | 4380257 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

you have been here for 23 weeks, and you recently tried to subscribe...i hope it was at least 24 weeks ago...

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 16:31 | 4381377 The.Harmless.Who
The.Harmless.Who's picture

 

LOL! You've made me chuckle Small Business Man! 

 

Indeed it was a while back. Pre-dating any exposure to Zero Hedge by many a year. 

 

 

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:01 | 4379614 Levadiakos
Levadiakos's picture

A weathervane is never wrong

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:46 | 4379538 Levadiakos
Levadiakos's picture

He's a paid advertiser.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:47 | 4379548 duo
duo's picture

Lower Chinese demand won't make up for the millions of chickens killed by the propane shortage (frozen to death), or the hundreds of thousands of piglets dying from that virus, or the CA drought and plains blizzard that will cut the cattle herd by a third.

Everything is fine.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:54 | 4379593 youngman
youngman's picture

I bet there is a big animal death from these cold spells....it will just add to the shortages of beef...and soon Chicken and pork...the drought in California will affect vegetables big time..

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:04 | 4379626 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

Think of what this weather is doing to trees as well - especially East coast orchards.  This weather could devistate peach, lemon, and orange trees.    

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:08 | 4379637 SilverDOG
SilverDOG's picture

 

 

Exceptionally so with cattle herd @ 61 yr low.

 

Got BEEF?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:24 | 4379691 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

My job is working directly with livestock vaccine production. The virus you refer to, porcine epedimic diahhrea virus, is a mother fucker. It's very, very contagious. There was a report of a large farrowing operation, 10,000 head, that had a 90% death loss not that long ago. That is one example. If people think only beef is getting spendy...........

The local vets around here make you wear booties from your vehicle to the store if you stop for something and are a hog producer or are near them. Recently 30 convenience store floors were sampled for the precence of the virus. 27 came back positive for contamination. 

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:51 | 4379563 Arius
Arius's picture

respectfully disagree.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:45 | 4379545 Millivanilli
Millivanilli's picture

Let me get into "i'ma shill whore" mode.

 

Stocks are taking  a breather here, however demand is ramping and I see great opportunity  for sector rotation in blah blah.  You don't want to be sitting on the sidelines.   Balls to the walls.

 

Whore mode off.

 

And that is how stupid mother fuckers who watch teevee lose it all. By listening to asshats like Gartman.

Now Back to your regular programming.

 

Breaking- Beiber felony egg throwing investigation "tightnening up."

Justin Bieber egg probe 'tightening up'; prosecutor wants more investigation

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/28/showbiz/justin-bieber-egg-probe/index.html...

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:49 | 4379564 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Justin Beiber makes me so mad. Now I have to go tweet about it.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:54 | 4379591 TheBoyPlunger
TheBoyPlunger's picture

Gartman was also touting back in December how WTI crude was headed to $85.  Of course that never happened.

 

Who the eff is still buying his newsletter?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:02 | 4379613 spankthebernank
spankthebernank's picture

How about if one was to go fuck himself?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:08 | 4379639 The Vineyard
The Vineyard's picture

We can all laugh.  But let's be honest.  Stocks have been killing it.  I see the DOW hitting 40,000 by next week.  You can bet your ass on it.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:41 | 4379514 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Gartman is a fucking clueless propagandist shill...

hows his Fund performing - oh, wiat a minute - what fund????.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:58 | 4379547 Levadiakos
Levadiakos's picture

Newslettter biz booming thanks to his paid up BSNBC account

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:47 | 4379552 XAU XAG
XAU XAG's picture

 

 

 

 

Garbage

At

Real

Time

M

A

N

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:41 | 4379516 y3maxx
y3maxx's picture

...Long Space Ships.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:44 | 4379525 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

chinese moonrover is down... let's wait for the africans to launch their rockets

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:42 | 4379520 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

because it doesn't make sense I think I'm going to buy a small call on the dow index...

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:49 | 4379559 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Now that is the craziest thing I have heard.  Fuck it, count me in. 

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:54 | 4379587 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

bad idea. buy some more silver instead. there is such a thing as the long term; and patientce is a virtue.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:43 | 4379522 No Way Out
No Way Out's picture

If you have to forecast, forecast often...

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:43 | 4379529 OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture
Gonzo: Did you see what GOD just did to us man!
Duke: God didn't do that, you did!
Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:43 | 4379530 urbanelf
urbanelf's picture

Stocks will continue going up until they go down.  Profound.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:44 | 4379537 youngman
youngman's picture

He always seems to comment on what happened yesterday...and says he acted on that ....he never says anything about a future event...

so if gold goes down..he sold his...but if it is going up..he bought last week ...so he says...I guess it sells newsletters..got any snakeoil????

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:48 | 4379557 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

You have discovered that Gartman is RobotTrader

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:47 | 4379554 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Ben... Ben... And his wonderful flying machine!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKU1RVwzqkA

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:48 | 4379555 praps
praps's picture

As long as analysts are forecasting that earnings will rise 8% into 2015 then equities will always back back from any set back.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:48 | 4379556 Silver Garbage Man
Silver Garbage Man's picture

Dig a hole and put Gartman and 1 ounce of gold in it.
5 years from now dig them up.
Which one do you want?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:55 | 4379589 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

only his dentist knows

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 10:48 | 4379560 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

Gartman is smart man talking his book. The talking heads fail to protect the retail trader---THEIR AUDIENCE. This demonstrates the evil of business news media--and why their share is dropping.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:00 | 4379607 Jason T
Jason T's picture

He's an entertainer is all.  

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:00 | 4379609 Levadiakos
Levadiakos's picture

If Gartman stood on tip toes he couldn't touch the hem of Cramer's jeans

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:07 | 4379636 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

he gets how much for each one of these nuggets?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:11 | 4379643 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

There is never just one cockroach .... Spot on

.... I can think of at least two...Gartman and Cramer

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:57 | 4379892 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Ironically, when put into the spotlight they don't scurry away, they just talk more and louder...where's the RAID?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:13 | 4379648 Roanman
Roanman's picture

Can you say Whipsaw?

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:13 | 4379649 dragoneyes74
dragoneyes74's picture

Well, I got the gold weakness I wanted the last two day, but that's not what I was expecting, so I lost my breakout mojo.  This could easily be setting up a fake-out.  With silver lagging and still below its downtrend line, the metals have to prove strength to me and clear those trendlines before I get back in on the long side.  I'm sure the Fed reaction will clear this up.    

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:26 | 4379684 istt
istt's picture

Anyone who is so affected that he says he is "long of X or long of Y" should give you pause.  Yes, he is a showman, pompous one at that.

Obviously, the guy tries to hold himself out as a blue-blooded intellectual.

As Joe Friday was fond of saying, "Just the facts, ma'am."  Something Gartman seems not to be long of.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:26 | 4379696 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

Hate to be a contrarian -but this asswipe and his ilk have been right for five long years now.  What if five years from now the same is true and we're holding our $500 gold and $10 silver?   

 

I'm still a true believer but every doofus with an Index Fund has gotten rich over these years and my gold based retirement plan lost 28% last year alone.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:28 | 4379705 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

What a nob!

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:32 | 4379732 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Everyone also got sucked back into usd/jpy longs. I said it was going lower after a little backfilling on the overbought 4 hour chart, and look where it is this morning.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 11:56 | 4379894 Debt Slave
Debt Slave's picture

Gartman and Krugman, I always get those two mixed up.  I wonder why that is.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 12:56 | 4380176 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

I'm pukish of Gartman.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 14:52 | 4380716 akak
akak's picture

I am long of Dennis Girthman in Jon Nadless terms.

Wed, 01/29/2014 - 19:16 | 4382185 Notarocketscientist
Notarocketscientist's picture

Gartman is a joke - how the fuck this guy still has any cash under management is beyond me.    Maybe he is managing his grannis money --- because in her eyes he can do no wrong.

 

DENIS - TIME TO RETIRE YOU STUNNED DONKEY

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