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Need Heroin? Just Head To Your Friendly Neighborhood McDonalds

Tyler Durden's picture


While we are sure it is hard to make ends meet on the minimum-wage-paying positions at fast food restaurants these days; the lengths that one McDonald's employee in Pittsburgh went to subsidize her income could be a little much. As CNN reports, Shantia Dennis, 26, would drop a handy baggy of heroin in drive-thru customers' boxes if they uttered the secret phrase "I'd like to order a toy" with their food order. Police recovered over 50 bags of heroin and a small amount of marijuana... brings a whole new meaning to the term "Happy Meal".



Via CNN,

A McDonald's employee in Pittsburgh was arrested Wednesday after undercover police officers said they discovered her selling heroin in Happy Meal boxes, according to a criminal complaint.


Shantia Dennis, 26, was arrested after undercover law enforcement officials conducted a drug buy, according to a statement from Mike Manko, communications director for the Allegheny County District Attorney's Office.


Customers looking for heroin were instructed to go through the drive-through and say, "I'd like to order a toy." The customer would then be told to proceed to the first window, where they would be handed a Happy Meal box containing heroin, Manko said.



During the drug buy, the undercover officers recovered 10 stamp bags of heroin inside of a Happy Meal box, according to the statement.


Officers immediately arrested Dennis and recovered an additional 50 bags of heroin, as well as a small amount of marijuana, according to the complaint.



We wonder what she did if the customers said "Supersize me"?


Of course, with the way McDonalds same store sales are going, perhaps they need to start thinking of "alternative" business lines? At least in Colorado and Washington?


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Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:38 | 4386626 VD
VD's picture

coping with harsh realities & shit foodz

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:39 | 4386631 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture


Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:43 | 4386651 InjectTheVenom
InjectTheVenom's picture

American exceptionalism !!

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:45 | 4386653 InjectTheVenom
InjectTheVenom's picture

You didn't supersize that !

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:03 | 4386708 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

What do you think that Mr. Softee truck is doing at 2am in Brooklyn?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:03 | 4386716 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Our whole nation is breaking bad.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:30 | 4386791 prains
prains's picture



is present tense, as in happening now. some past tense verbage is needed to round out the historical flavour of that idea, there's decades worth to discuss.....

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:38 | 4386808 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

McSmack Attack®! (pronounced muk-smak) ;-)

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:46 | 4386831 Wage Slave
Wage Slave's picture

Reports of horse in fast food meals were well founded.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 07:22 | 4387163 negative rates
negative rates's picture

There must be a minimum wage code word to go with  that happy meal.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:59 | 4387310 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

will probably sign a book deal and sell the movie rights for a few million

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 11:33 | 4387915 juangrande
juangrande's picture

Gonna have to redesign those playgrounds,too! I feel a WB7 coming up.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:13 | 4386889 Muddy1
Muddy1's picture

Somebody should tell this US Senator's son where to find smack.

This will help the senator avoid answering questions about whether or not he will be seen campaigning with Obama, which he refuses to answer.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 02:59 | 4386992 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

God dammit, they fucked up my order. I wanted four hits of the Ronald McDonald blotter and two Chronic McBudzic Thai sticks.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:08 | 4386729 JMT
JMT's picture

Where have you seen a Mr. Softee at 2pm let alone at 2am in Brooklyn.  The Brooklyn you are thinking of has been gone for at least the last 20 years...   The current population consists almost entirely and exclusively 20 & 30 something affluent hipsters & yuppies who will raise hell if the 'wrong element' from the soon to be torn down projects starts trouble. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:14 | 4386748 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

There's a gas station on Lorimer and Maujer.  He's probably there right now.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:25 | 4386776 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

Rich like Bush? Famous like Robert Downey, Jr.? Sports hero like Daryl Strawberry?  No problem -- what's a few DUI or drug charges between friends?  You'll get some community service and a pat on the back.

Or are you a poor female minority?  She'll be lucky she doesn't get sent to the gallows -- but she'll likely get hefty prison time.  One less black woman voter -- 1860 all over again.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:58 | 4387037 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

I re-read the article and NOWHERE does it state that "Shantia" is black; of course, "shantia" doesn't conjure up imagery of Jewish American princess either...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:55 | 4387300 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

Click through -- they have her mug shot.

And my point was not so much about race being a factor in the conduct, but rather privilege being a factor in the punishment.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 06:48 | 4387129 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

Rich like Soros? As a black man Obama has stolen more than your racist mind can ever comprehend.

But yeah I understand your myopic viewpoint I just no longer care..


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 09:31 | 4387414 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

Clearly my point got lost in my effort to make the comment succinct. 

I wasn't trying to say that minorities are more likely to commit drug crimes, but rather that our justice system has different sets of rules for those who are wealthy, powerful or popular -- whatever their race.  (If memory serves, Daryl wasn't white.) 


But I think it's pretty well established that minorities receive harsher treatment by the US justice system, especially regarding drugs.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:29 | 4387255 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

Hey hamster! I'm pretty sure the people you mentioned never put their stash into a kid's meal where some innocent child might ingest it. "If you like your drugs, you can keep/use your drugs" but please don't pull the minority card so wantonly!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 09:32 | 4387418 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

So I'm not sure I ever got 9 down votes on a comment, so I'm going to admit that my point here was poorly articulated. 

What I was driving at was that this person falls into a number of categories of people who are systematically marginalized, especially in our criminal justice system, and in particular regarding drug crimes.   Consequently she can expect the harshest of treatment, although substantially similar conduct by the wealthy/powerful/popular could be entirely overlooked.

Also, I don't really think the Happy Meal box should be a major aspect.  She wasn't including the drugs in actual Happy Meals, but rather just using the box (as I read it).  I really don't think that heroin addicts would let their fixes slip away so easily, but I expect it be an aspect that the court relies on to justify a maximum sentence.


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 11:44 | 4387985 SilverDOG
SilverDOG's picture

Comment racers oftern skip reading the ZH article.

Many perhaps, in regards to this article.

Additionally, rectifying misinterpretation?

Like a pillow for one on the cross, crucifixion will continue.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:34 | 4386926 Rukeysers Ghost
Rukeysers Ghost's picture

The current population consists almost entirely and exclusively 20 & 30 something affluent hipsters & yuppies


Yeah. Because that demographic isn't into moderate street drugs are they. I'll bet you a dollar that 90% of those hipsters are carrying at least a joint or stronger in their 7 For All Mankind designer jeans or Alexander McQueen hand bags.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:09 | 4387216 duo
duo's picture

20 years ago when I lived over by MSG, you never got on the B,Q,N or R lines after 9 PM if you valued your life or property.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:09 | 4386730 JMT
JMT's picture

Where have you seen a Mr. Softee at 2pm let alone at 2am in Brooklyn.  The Brooklyn you are thinking of has been gone for at least the last 20 years...   The current population consists almost entirely and exclusively 20 & 30 something affluent hipsters & yuppies who will raise hell if the 'wrong element' from the soon to be torn down projects starts trouble. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:14 | 4386684 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Who the hell do you think is going into the drive thru from 10pm until 3am - a family of four exiting from church? No, its drunk hungry, munchy stoned people. 'Give me a fuckin big mac combo with upsized fries, 2 apple pies and a big breakfast special.'

Hey, come on, Ronald McDonald is a pure tripper anyway.


He has fiery red hair, makeup that puts Pennywise to shame and wears a yellow jumpsuit with big red massive clown shoes. And he hangs out with a purple barbapapa looking thing named Grimace, a  kleptomaniac hamburglar, a tripped out obese Mayor McCheese and a tweeked out insomniac Early Birdie the morning bird...all in the 70's.


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:36 | 4386802 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

McClowns = McCreepy

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:07 | 4387000 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Ever wonder why Grimace used to be called Evil Grimace? They've tried to whitewash his past, but they didn't get everything:

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:46 | 4387285 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

Never trust a fucking clown

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:23 | 4386772 The Vineyard
The Vineyard's picture

We need to legalize drugs.  Why?  I need herion to control my stress.  My demons have demons.

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:38 | 4386627 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Tell 'em Jesse Pinkman sent you.  Bitch.

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:40 | 4386637 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

"I'm lovin' hit!" 

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:51 | 4386681 HulkHogan
HulkHogan's picture


Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:47 | 4386642 One And Only
One And Only's picture

The heroin is probably healthier for you than the food at Mcdonalds.

Immortal McHorror burger is 6 month old and looks brand new.


Fucking ew.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 12:33 | 4388240 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Well, yeah. Remember the e-coli scare back in the early 90s? All the fast food joints cook that shit so dry now, there's no way any bacteria or mold could survive on it.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 12:22 | 4388175 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

yeah, the dope wasn't cut with pink slime

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:44 | 4386656 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

Crackdonalds, america's finest™

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:13 | 4386736 runswithscissors
runswithscissors's picture

wouldn't that be SMACKDONALD'S?


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:20 | 4386658 sixsigma cygnus...
sixsigma cygnusatratus's picture

I bet some people even stop by Starbucks on their way to McDonalds...

Idiocracy is indeed upon us.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:59 | 4387040 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

And why not?  A handjob relieves stress ya know! :>D

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:46 | 4386661 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture



did somebody say mcdonald's?


please don't get me any

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:48 | 4386662 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

edit.  first post sucked and was not worth repeating.


keep killin' it..

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:50 | 4386674 Platinum
Platinum's picture

Damn, need to find a new hookup.


Edit: "Crack in the Box"

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:51 | 4386683 erg
erg's picture

You wanna get fried with that?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:05 | 4386721 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

I see what you did there. +1


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:31 | 4386921 mijev
mijev's picture

That is the marketing slogan of the year. Priceless!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:05 | 4386872 Midas
Midas's picture

Looks like we have a winner.  Well played sir.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:02 | 4386706 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Market forces and regulatory arbitrage practiced in an unconventional manner...

You go girl....

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:26 | 4386777 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

And I should add:  Parasitically living off of existing infrastructure....

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:28 | 4386787 Professorlocknload
Professorlocknload's picture

++ Classic!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:14 | 4386741 object_orient
object_orient's picture

I had a girlfriend who did that with another drug, at another fast food chain drivethru, in the 90s. Increased worker efficiency the American way!

BTW you POS cops, how's that supply-side anti-drug crusade working out in Afghanistan? You know, where that heroin came from?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:36 | 4386807 Professorlocknload
Professorlocknload's picture

You know, where that heroin came from?

Quite possibly shipped on an Olive Drab  C-141

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:31 | 4389189 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Funny how opium growing was nearly stamped out under the Taibun and is thriving now.....   Remember how crack exploded with the increased supplies of cocaine?  (coincidentally at the time of IRAN-CONTRA, when the CIA was running drugs to fund their 'anti-Communist' fight in Nicaragua).

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:54 | 4386944 KickIce
KickIce's picture

So that's why I've been getting the CIA "Protecting our Freedoms" pop-up ads since the article went online...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:13 | 4386745 NOZZLE
NOZZLE's picture

You dope users just hit the down arrow now, heroin or marijuana,  not a dimebags worth of difference. If the latter is okay so is the former. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:47 | 4386829 Proofreder
Proofreder's picture

WTF have you been smoking ?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:57 | 4386851 Professorlocknload
Professorlocknload's picture

Wild Turkey. Shit burns hot.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:38 | 4387027 zhandax
zhandax's picture

It's what's in my gas tank.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:16 | 4386750 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

It's all Bitcoin's fault.

“Without stronger government oversight, we are allowing cybercriminals, identity thieves, traffickers of child pornography, and other malevolent actors to operate in a digital Wild West,” Cyrus Vance Jr., the district attorney for Manhattan....

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:20 | 4386759 Reckonball
Reckonball's picture

Steer clear of the dollar menu..Shits been stepped on 2 or 3 times...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:28 | 4386785 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Too bad the DHS and NSA aren't working with the DEA

That's why the debt ceiling is going to become another issue.. 


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:40 | 4386817 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

they are working with DEA cause they are all the same. Did you read up on how the "nsa" gives illegal intel to the DEA and local police which just happens to show up at the right place and right time to bust someone who forgot to pay their "taxes"? DEA and police then use "parallel construction" to fabricate evidence for the criminal case. It seems the employee was involved but maybe not the store cause if the store washes its profits in the local banks they get to stay in bidness.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 04:02 | 4387042 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Shouldn't the FDA figure into the equation in this instance?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:34 | 4386798 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

Looks like they can streamline their menu.

This will definitely give a nice pop to the stock.


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:43 | 4386824 Proofreder
Proofreder's picture

Mickey D. always had the best accessories ... coffee spoons were perfect for a measured amount of 'stuff' and big straws substitute for the traditional rolled Benjamin.  

Sort of like a 'lid' in the '60's - the cardboard lid of a Prince Albert can filled with manicured grass; about an ounce.  Yes, that was about the time MacD got started, with 12 cent fries and less than a million sold.  Reefer Madness was in movie theaters.

MacDrugs !  'Merica !  Yeah !!!  Colorado and Washington !

Times are definitely a'changin', just like Bob said they would.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:52 | 4386844 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

As a person that values Liberty, I say that that is very enterprising. I am not saying that it is a good thing, just enterprising.

McDonald may rightfully not approve and fire the woman. However, the "land of the free" will just feed the gulag-industrial-complex and destroy another enterprising young person.


"Be all you can kill--join the US military."


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:42 | 4386930 jballz
jballz's picture


Yes, this young woman gave up a promising career with Goldman Sachs to sling the hinkley at the drive-thru

I think we should start a campaign to have her set free and put in a good finance school on scholarship.


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 11:30 | 4387908 XitSam
Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:56 | 4386848 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Yep Pittsburgh Bitchez.

Glad they cleared up the toy problem before I roll back into town.

Some kinda curse upon that city.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 07:24 | 4387167 negative rates
negative rates's picture


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:10 | 4386884 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

If'n Mickey D's paid 10.10 / hr , girl don't have to sell 'da smack.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:25 | 4386911 mijev
mijev's picture

Wasn't it a year or so back that Tesco's was selling Horse too?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:28 | 4386918 mijev
mijev's picture

How long will it be before the stores selling Mary Jane in Colorado see a new business opportunity and start offering pizzas and cheetos on the side?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:33 | 4386923 The 22nd Prime
The 22nd Prime's picture

Bring back the coke spoons, ya bastrages!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:21 | 4387014 the0ther
the0ther's picture

I got mine on Amazon

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 02:10 | 4386958 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Why would you try to sell drugs at McDonalds? I've worked there, and they have camers pointed at every cash register. Eventually someone will notice that the person at the drive through is handing over big wads of cash and you're putting it in your pocket instead of in the cash register.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:08 | 4387002 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Ask those Cops where the rest of the Marijuana went!


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:10 | 4387003 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Dubai Friends.....  mmmmmmm,,,

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:27 | 4387017 the0ther
the0ther's picture

We need more of this in this country. Minus the getting arrested for it part. Drugs are actually awesome! Better than reality.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 04:32 | 4387060 TheHound73
TheHound73's picture

Nothing much you can do re: the black market.  This bust makes absolutely no difference.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 05:50 | 4387099 Fíréan
Fíréan's picture

And how did that heroin get all the way from an Afghanistan poppy field to lttle old Pittsburgh USA ? Well let's not think about that one.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 06:47 | 4387128 Space Animatoltipap
Space Animatoltipap's picture

It's all just part of Obama's health care system.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 07:29 | 4387175 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

If you like your happy meal, you can smoke or shoot your happy meal

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 07:54 | 4387195 silvertrain
silvertrain's picture

i told my wife that they put something in those chocolate shakes to keep me comming back..those things are addicting...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 09:04 | 4387321 Clever Name
Clever Name's picture


Ingredients: High Fructose Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup, Water, Cocoa (Processed with Alkali), Natural (Plant Source) and Artificial Flavors, Caramel Color, Salt, Potassium Sorbate (Preservative), Artificial Flavor (Vanillin), Red 40.

May contain small amounts of other shake flavors served at the restaurant, including egg ingredients when Egg Nog Shakes are available"


Yum. Sounds like a "Chocolate (-milk)shake" to me.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:21 | 4387239 youngman
youngman's picture

I wonder what you would get if you ask for a little nookie....????

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:29 | 4387257 negative rates
negative rates's picture

They would probably wisper sweet nasty's in your ear until your teeth fell out.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:57 | 4387305 CJHames
CJHames's picture

When you think about it, Shantia is nothing more than a burgeoning entrepeneur filling the needs of her community while honing her multi-tasking skills. She simply figured out a way to boost her income. It's not like Owebama was going to do it for her.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 09:13 | 4387351 Martel
Martel's picture

Cocaine used to be U.S.'s drug of choice, now it is heroin. Tells the economic situation is changing. No more "Masters of the Universe", more like "Can I please get out of this shit, and feel good for a while". Europe is perplexing, though, as cocaine use is increasing there. Perhaps Europe is only a transit route, the end users being rich Russians and Asians.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 09:23 | 4387384 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

Would you like hashish browns with that?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 10:31 | 4387648 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

This would not have happened if we had upped the minimum wage....


OK, just joking

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 11:10 | 4387791 squexx
squexx's picture

"If I had a son, he'd work at McDonalds." -Barrack Obama

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 11:28 | 4387891 XitSam
XitSam's picture

I worked with a guy in the early 70s. When he worked at Jack in the Box he sold LSD in the orange juice.  People would order an orange juice with "extra sunshine".

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:08 | 4389088 Comte d'herblay
Comte d'herblay's picture

The Big Smack attack

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 19:37 | 4389887 trx
trx's picture

Guess "Black Swan" Taleb was right: 

"The 3 most addictive things in life are opiates, carbohydrates and a monthly salary."

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