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Need Heroin? Just Head To Your Friendly Neighborhood McDonalds

Tyler Durden's picture


While we are sure it is hard to make ends meet on the minimum-wage-paying positions at fast food restaurants these days; the lengths that one McDonald's employee in Pittsburgh went to subsidize her income could be a little much. As CNN reports, Shantia Dennis, 26, would drop a handy baggy of heroin in drive-thru customers' boxes if they uttered the secret phrase "I'd like to order a toy" with their food order. Police recovered over 50 bags of heroin and a small amount of marijuana... brings a whole new meaning to the term "Happy Meal".



Via CNN,

A McDonald's employee in Pittsburgh was arrested Wednesday after undercover police officers said they discovered her selling heroin in Happy Meal boxes, according to a criminal complaint.


Shantia Dennis, 26, was arrested after undercover law enforcement officials conducted a drug buy, according to a statement from Mike Manko, communications director for the Allegheny County District Attorney's Office.


Customers looking for heroin were instructed to go through the drive-through and say, "I'd like to order a toy." The customer would then be told to proceed to the first window, where they would be handed a Happy Meal box containing heroin, Manko said.



During the drug buy, the undercover officers recovered 10 stamp bags of heroin inside of a Happy Meal box, according to the statement.


Officers immediately arrested Dennis and recovered an additional 50 bags of heroin, as well as a small amount of marijuana, according to the complaint.



We wonder what she did if the customers said "Supersize me"?


Of course, with the way McDonalds same store sales are going, perhaps they need to start thinking of "alternative" business lines? At least in Colorado and Washington?

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Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:38 | 4386626 VD
VD's picture

coping with harsh realities & shit foodz

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:39 | 4386631 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture


Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:43 | 4386651 InjectTheVenom
InjectTheVenom's picture

American exceptionalism !!

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:45 | 4386653 InjectTheVenom
InjectTheVenom's picture

You didn't supersize that !

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:03 | 4386708 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

What do you think that Mr. Softee truck is doing at 2am in Brooklyn?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:03 | 4386716 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Our whole nation is breaking bad.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:30 | 4386791 prains
prains's picture



is present tense, as in happening now. some past tense verbage is needed to round out the historical flavour of that idea, there's decades worth to discuss.....

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:38 | 4386808 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

McSmack Attack®! (pronounced muk-smak) ;-)

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:46 | 4386831 Wage Slave
Wage Slave's picture

Reports of horse in fast food meals were well founded.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:59 | 4387310 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

will probably sign a book deal and sell the movie rights for a few million

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 11:33 | 4387915 juangrande
juangrande's picture

Gonna have to redesign those playgrounds,too! I feel a WB7 coming up.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:13 | 4386889 Muddy1
Muddy1's picture

Somebody should tell this US Senator's son where to find smack.


This will help the senator avoid answering questions about whether or not he will be seen campaigning with Obama, which he refuses to answer.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 02:59 | 4386992 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

God dammit, they fucked up my order. I wanted four hits of the Ronald McDonald blotter and two Chronic McBudzic Thai sticks.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:08 | 4386729 JMT
JMT's picture

Where have you seen a Mr. Softee at 2pm let alone at 2am in Brooklyn.  The Brooklyn you are thinking of has been gone for at least the last 20 years...   The current population consists almost entirely and exclusively 20 & 30 something affluent hipsters & yuppies who will raise hell if the 'wrong element' from the soon to be torn down projects starts trouble. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:14 | 4386748 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

There's a gas station on Lorimer and Maujer.  He's probably there right now.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:25 | 4386776 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

Rich like Bush? Famous like Robert Downey, Jr.? Sports hero like Daryl Strawberry?  No problem -- what's a few DUI or drug charges between friends?  You'll get some community service and a pat on the back.

Or are you a poor female minority?  She'll be lucky she doesn't get sent to the gallows -- but she'll likely get hefty prison time.  One less black woman voter -- 1860 all over again.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:58 | 4387037 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

I re-read the article and NOWHERE does it state that "Shantia" is black; of course, "shantia" doesn't conjure up imagery of Jewish American princess either...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:55 | 4387300 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

Click through -- they have her mug shot.

And my point was not so much about race being a factor in the conduct, but rather privilege being a factor in the punishment.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 06:48 | 4387129 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

Rich like Soros? As a black man Obama has stolen more than your racist mind can ever comprehend.

But yeah I understand your myopic viewpoint I just no longer care..


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 09:31 | 4387414 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

Clearly my point got lost in my effort to make the comment succinct. 

I wasn't trying to say that minorities are more likely to commit drug crimes, but rather that our justice system has different sets of rules for those who are wealthy, powerful or popular -- whatever their race.  (If memory serves, Daryl wasn't white.) 


But I think it's pretty well established that minorities receive harsher treatment by the US justice system, especially regarding drugs.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:29 | 4387255 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

Hey hamster! I'm pretty sure the people you mentioned never put their stash into a kid's meal where some innocent child might ingest it. "If you like your drugs, you can keep/use your drugs" but please don't pull the minority card so wantonly!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 09:32 | 4387418 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

So I'm not sure I ever got 9 down votes on a comment, so I'm going to admit that my point here was poorly articulated. 

What I was driving at was that this person falls into a number of categories of people who are systematically marginalized, especially in our criminal justice system, and in particular regarding drug crimes.   Consequently she can expect the harshest of treatment, although substantially similar conduct by the wealthy/powerful/popular could be entirely overlooked.

Also, I don't really think the Happy Meal box should be a major aspect.  She wasn't including the drugs in actual Happy Meals, but rather just using the box (as I read it).  I really don't think that heroin addicts would let their fixes slip away so easily, but I expect it be an aspect that the court relies on to justify a maximum sentence.


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 11:44 | 4387985 SilverDOG
SilverDOG's picture

Comment racers oftern skip reading the ZH article.

Many perhaps, in regards to this article.

Additionally, rectifying misinterpretation?

Like a pillow for one on the cross, crucifixion will continue.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:34 | 4386926 Rukeysers Ghost
Rukeysers Ghost's picture

The current population consists almost entirely and exclusively 20 & 30 something affluent hipsters & yuppies


Yeah. Because that demographic isn't into moderate street drugs are they. I'll bet you a dollar that 90% of those hipsters are carrying at least a joint or stronger in their 7 For All Mankind designer jeans or Alexander McQueen hand bags.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:09 | 4387216 duo
duo's picture

20 years ago when I lived over by MSG, you never got on the B,Q,N or R lines after 9 PM if you valued your life or property.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:09 | 4386730 JMT
JMT's picture

Where have you seen a Mr. Softee at 2pm let alone at 2am in Brooklyn.  The Brooklyn you are thinking of has been gone for at least the last 20 years...   The current population consists almost entirely and exclusively 20 & 30 something affluent hipsters & yuppies who will raise hell if the 'wrong element' from the soon to be torn down projects starts trouble. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:14 | 4386684 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Who the hell do you think is going into the drive thru from 10pm until 3am - a family of four exiting from church? No, its drunk hungry, munchy stoned people. 'Give me a fuckin big mac combo with upsized fries, 2 apple pies and a big breakfast special.'

Hey, come on, Ronald McDonald is a pure tripper anyway.


He has fiery red hair, makeup that puts Pennywise to shame and wears a yellow jumpsuit with big red massive clown shoes. And he hangs out with a purple barbapapa looking thing named Grimace, a  kleptomaniac hamburglar, a tripped out obese Mayor McCheese and a tweeked out insomniac Early Birdie the morning bird...all in the 70's.


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:36 | 4386802 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

McClowns = McCreepy

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:07 | 4387000 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Ever wonder why Grimace used to be called Evil Grimace? They've tried to whitewash his past, but they didn't get everything:


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 08:46 | 4387285 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

Never trust a fucking clown

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:23 | 4386772 The Vineyard
The Vineyard's picture

We need to legalize drugs.  Why?  I need herion to control my stress.  My demons have demons.

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:38 | 4386627 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Tell 'em Jesse Pinkman sent you.  Bitch.

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:40 | 4386637 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

"I'm lovin' hit!" 

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:51 | 4386681 HulkHogan
HulkHogan's picture


Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:47 | 4386642 One And Only
One And Only's picture

The heroin is probably healthier for you than the food at Mcdonalds.

Immortal McHorror burger is 6 month old and looks brand new.



Fucking ew.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 12:33 | 4388240 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Well, yeah. Remember the e-coli scare back in the early 90s? All the fast food joints cook that shit so dry now, there's no way any bacteria or mold could survive on it.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 12:22 | 4388175 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

yeah, the dope wasn't cut with pink slime

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:44 | 4386656 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

Crackdonalds, america's finest™

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:13 | 4386736 runswithscissors
runswithscissors's picture

wouldn't that be SMACKDONALD'S?


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:20 | 4386658 sixsigma cygnus...
sixsigma cygnusatratus's picture

I bet some people even stop by Starbucks on their way to McDonalds...

Idiocracy is indeed upon us.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 03:59 | 4387040 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

And why not?  A handjob relieves stress ya know! :>D

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:46 | 4386661 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture



did somebody say mcdonald's?


please don't get me any

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:48 | 4386662 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

edit.  first post sucked and was not worth repeating.


keep killin' it..

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:50 | 4386674 Platinum
Platinum's picture

Damn, need to find a new hookup.


Edit: "Crack in the Box"

Thu, 01/30/2014 - 23:51 | 4386683 erg
erg's picture

You wanna get fried with that?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:05 | 4386721 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

I see what you did there. +1


Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:31 | 4386921 mijev
mijev's picture

That is the marketing slogan of the year. Priceless!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 01:05 | 4386872 Midas
Midas's picture

Looks like we have a winner.  Well played sir.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 00:02 | 4386706 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Market forces and regulatory arbitrage practiced in an unconventional manner...

You go girl....

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