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"Suspicious White Powder" Found At 5 Superbowl Hotels

Tyler Durden's picture




 

While joking about potential terrorist plots is below us, the fact that New Jersey police are investigating the appearance of suspicious white powder at several hotels near the site of the Superbowl was too close to an "Onion" headline for us to ignore. As AP reports, the FBI is investigating the substance (found in envelopes - which we suspect were not marked with player's names). No injuries or overnight bouts of unexplained euphoria have been reported.

 

Via AP,

The FBI and other law enforcement are investigating a suspicious white powder that was mailed to at least five New Jersey hotels near the site of Sunday's Super Bowl.

 

Carlstadt Police Det. John Cleary says someone at an Econo Lodge found the substance in an envelope on Friday.

 

Cleary says similar mailings arrived at the Homestead Inn in East Rutherford and a Renaissance Inn in Rutherford. He says investigators intercepted additional envelopes from a mail truck before it reached a Holiday Inn Express and Hampton Inn in Carlstadt.

 

Hazardous materials teams are checking out the substance. The FBI says it is investigating and no injuries have been reported.

We hope this is not a replay of Washington's Anthrax issues but otherwise suggest NJ's blow-dealers consider other forms of delivery (e.g. McDonalds Happy Meal or Amazon Drone)

 

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Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:00 | 4388766 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Yeah it's called snowflakes...we've had an abundance this year.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:03 | 4388785 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

Tomorrow's headline

"Suspicious white power goes missing"

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:10 | 4388816 philosophers bone
philosophers bone's picture

"President Obama personally inspects and tests suspicious white substance.  Declares results inconclusive and further tests will continue through the weekend."

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:15 | 4388835 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

In a smokey room with Lawrence Taylor

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:18 | 4388852 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

If it was marked as "Thera Flu", it might be a delivery from those McDonalds in Pittsburgh where you asked for a toy in your happy meal.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:23 | 4388871 Decolat
Decolat's picture

I heard Bruno Mars is hangin 'round...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:30 | 4388892 negative rates
negative rates's picture

I heard it was baby powder sprinked on the floor.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:23 | 4388875 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

Police reports state that the white powder was found atop a hooker's ass.  tests were inconclusive.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:48 | 4389227 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Suspicious White Powder" Found At 5 Superbowl Hotels

Who cares? No one I know does.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled circus, enjoy the stupor bowl, you worthless derelicts.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:26 | 4388869 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

What are sure to be many tens of thousand if not hundreds of thousands of citizen serf tax dollars spent to investigate white powder found at 5 hotel locations near the upcoming Superbowl =

#Winning

I'm Sherlock Holmes and predict they will find razor blades and rolled up hundies nearby, too.

Tag it and bag it.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:35 | 4388929 1100-TACTICAL-12
1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

Fuckin trendys and sportheads pissin themselves everytime a tire blows or someone farts to loud, allow the police state to roll on out.....

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:38 | 4388952 kralizec
kralizec's picture

White Line Fever strikes again.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 20:36 | 4389957 trader1
trader1's picture

now why you gotta go pickin on michael irvin?

what a horrible case of bad luck.  if they only kept the music down and used just a wee little bit of self-restraint in exercising their private affairs...

everyone's got a dark side, or at least varying shades of gray (double puns (not) intended). he clearly had his own set of mental issues (demons you say?) and tried to deal with them in the only way he could understand how to best resolve.  BUT, i digress...  

sure, he broke some (asinine) drug laws, but why would a cop (who has his own darkside / shades of gray) be disappointed about some football player's extra-curricular activities?  he didn't murder anyone (as far as we know).  he didn't rape anyone (from any criminal or legal perspective). he didn't steal (as far as we know).  he didn't lie (except when trying to avoid punishment).  

 

<if you're not smelling the satire by now, please help yourself)

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:09 | 4388818 macholatte
macholatte's picture

 

 

Details! We need details!

 

Was the powder in small plastic bags or loose in the envelopes?

 

 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:04 | 4388796 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Good time to remind everyone war on terror.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:09 | 4388809 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

You mean the war on the American people right? Al CIAduh is on our side now....I mean .govs side now. Shit I'm so confused.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:15 | 4388838 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

They hate us for our spicy buffalo wings.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:24 | 4388870 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

ParkAve, fwiw

My favorite post of the week. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:40 | 4388963 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Institute cower-in-place orders!  Release the drones!  Forward!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:52 | 4389003 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Slainte!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:19 | 4389033 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Breaking News: Tim Osmond wanted in connection with white powder. Call Al CIAduh for reward leading to arrest.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:02 | 4389065 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Mmmmmm

Spicy Wings (the biggest tell if someone is from WNY or not is if they include 'buffalo' and/or 'chicken' before wings):

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lP0t17zG6A

 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:03 | 4389068 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

what was the middle thing?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:08 | 4388812 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Yep, I'd say the CIA (et al.) have been busy with who knows how many false-flag preparations lately.

Perhaps this is the real reason that we're having an outdoor NYC Superbowl?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:31 | 4388906 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Also, with a cold weather venue, I wonder just how many hours people are going to have to wait to get through the security checkpoints, given everyone is going to be bundled up?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:32 | 4388902 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture

 

 

zerozulu

And the VALUE of the NSA 

 

lol

 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:39 | 4388954 yogibear
yogibear's picture

"Good time to remind everyone war on terror."

That's why Obama and Eric Holder will point out the need for the NDAA, NSA and TSA.

And the further need to trash the US constitution and install international law.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:26 | 4389156 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

NSA superbowl ads please!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:07 | 4388803 no life
no life's picture

Polar Vortex..

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:16 | 4388833 Canadian Dirtlump
Canadian Dirtlump's picture

anybody up for some WIDE EYED FUN?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:50 | 4388998 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Nah, things go better with coke you know.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:57 | 4389032 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Well, they can't blame it on Bruce Ivins, he's been dead for quite some time.

Could it have been one of those three bankers who recently committed suicide?

The last one was from a subsidiary of Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, whose historical majority shareholder has been the Rockefeller family.  Wonder if they still are?

And that other banker was with JPMorgan Chase.....

Hmmmm....

Speaking of white powder (Anthrax inference), a great book to read on that and questionable suicides is Bob Coen's Dead Silence (Coen and Nadler did some great investigative journalism on that one).

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:01 | 4388767 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

People mailing themselves after party favors!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:04 | 4388784 dryam
dryam's picture

It's called cocaine.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:08 | 4388814 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Devil's Dandruff!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:20 | 4388854 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

Peruvian Marching Powder

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:21 | 4388866 NuckingFuts
NuckingFuts's picture

Nose candy

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:41 | 4388960 DblAjent
DblAjent's picture

Yeyo / Perico / Toot

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:59 | 4389054 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

California cornflake

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:16 | 4389127 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

The guidos in my area call it "Da boost" or "boosta"

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:27 | 4389161 Prisoners_dilemna
Prisoners_dilemna's picture

Booger Sugar

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:40 | 4389210 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Booger sugar.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:11 | 4388822 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

It's called tipping the room service!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:01 | 4388768 superflex
superflex's picture

Stanley Wilson in the house

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:01 | 4388774 Agstacker
Agstacker's picture

Cocaine.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:02 | 4388783 brewing
brewing's picture

a little chop chop...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:15 | 4388839 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

"Chop a line now...."

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:03 | 4388777 ZeroChance
ZeroChance's picture

Market is down, EM markets suffering and panties getting into a wad ... time for some good ol' fashioned "terrorism" whitewash?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:04 | 4388779 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

Coke?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:02 | 4388780 The Axe
The Axe's picture

I need some of that powder....I think the market is storting that shit...crazy market..just crazy

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:02 | 4388781 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Were there rolled $100's, a razor blade, and a mirror with the suspicious white substance?

 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:02 | 4388782 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

Mr Softee truck was seen fleeing the scene

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:10 | 4388788 Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

Bah. That reminds me of that Anthrax-hype shortly after all that terror-hysteria began.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:25 | 4388877 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Absolutely. Because Americans are so easy to spook this is a great ploy. I knew people during the last Anthrax scare who were opening their mail with gloves and buying duct tape. When I told them this would be of no help (opening a letter full of anthrax properly weaponized would aerosolize so gloves are useless), they panicked and begged me what to do. I told them the proper PPE to handle anthrax and they actually wanted to purchase it! I damn near laughed myself under the table. Of course the joke is on me for not jumping in and making millions on such folly like many did before.

Miffed;-)

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:57 | 4389257 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

None of my friends nor anyone I know did any of the above; they opened their mail with the resolve of Vikings gutting a gibbering villager.

I'm thinking you need a better class of friends, MM.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:05 | 4388790 Bryan
Bryan's picture

Legalize it.  Problem solved.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:05 | 4388793 no life
no life's picture

BOGATA!  BOGATA!  HUT.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:08 | 4388804 Spungo
Spungo's picture

The substance is corn starch and Alex Jones is the one who sent it. Then he'll say "SEE I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD FALSE FLAG THE SUPERBOWL" (I'm not sure if he made that prediction)

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:06 | 4388805 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

Terrible ironic thought.....with all the focus on terrorist attack on Sochi Olympic games and the Super Bowl gets hit. Can anyone embarrass Obama? This could be positive for no terrorist attack on Super Bowl, but terrorist no doubt want to embarrass Putin.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:27 | 4388889 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I don't understand how "increasing Obama's power" can possibly embarrass him.

Besides, sociopathic narcissists cannot possibly feel embarrassment, as they lack the humanity necessary.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:08 | 4388806 Dkizzle49855
Dkizzle49855's picture

The blow just arrived before the hookers and their customers did. Sheesh

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:07 | 4388807 Confused
Confused's picture

Hmmmm, certainly a mystery. Hotels booked with people that have enough disposable income to visit the NY/NJ area for a football game. And they are concerned with white powder? Just ask the local dealers to see if sales are affected by the weather. 

 

Conicidently I'm sure there were tons of used rubbers in those rooms as well. But that is less attention getting. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:10 | 4388815 kill switch
kill switch's picture

Fuck the super bowl!!Just bread and circuses sheep deplomacy..

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:11 | 4388820 homiegot
homiegot's picture

It's just the blow arriving ahead of time. That's all.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:13 | 4388828 Nasquak
Nasquak's picture

Snort it and see what happens

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:13 | 4388829 no life
no life's picture

Charlie Sheen is there apparently..

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:26 | 4388879 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Speaking of Charlie Sheen. Bud Fox just entered the thread.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:34 | 4388834 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

It's Yayo, Joo Know Whata mean mang?

 

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ORQJtxicrA

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:35 | 4388930 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

classic scene!  Whenever I see that movie I always wonder how that hot blond in the blue bikini looks these days.  lol

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:57 | 4389041 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

Yah lol...I really miss those types of girls nowadays...and the music.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:20 | 4388842 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

I believe that I should have cameras installed in my home to watch my every move so that these incidents do not effect me. The police/feds should watch our every move to make sure we are secure in our freedumbs. Fuck it, chip me. That'll stop me from being in a terrisss attack. 

 

 

do I need to place the sarc tag?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:18 | 4388849 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     J.P. Morgue and G.S. probably paid off a housekeeper to park their stash before checkin.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:19 | 4388855 BudFox2012
BudFox2012's picture

"Cocaine's a hell of a drug"
- Rick James

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:19 | 4388856 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

A story about a suspicious white powder and no bankers were involved?  Somebody should put this to the "sniff" test.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:21 | 4388863 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Tony Montana Hotel breakfast service. It makes them look sharp, on the ball, and sell bullshit to unsuspecting victim’s.  

 

Imagine it was baking soda or talcum powder.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:31 | 4389180 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

It was baking soda. http://bigstory.ap.org/article/suspicious-powder-mailed-hotels-near-supe...

Anyway, queue the NSA superbowl ads.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 20:27 | 4390015 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Got to love our government trying to create new jobs/Obamacare.  Once the amnesty bill is pass, new nigger slaves will be mandated into the system under new reforms.

 /hahahahahaa

 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:22 | 4388872 B2u
B2u's picture

I was out for coffee...I found these little yellow packets with white powder in them....hummmm????

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:26 | 4388885 RSloane
RSloane's picture

You're supposed to put the contents in your coffee - its called Splenda.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 17:02 | 4389279 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Last unknown white powder I found was snorted by my buddy Slammin' Sammy - he lit a J and it blew his f'in mind!

Turned out the powder was calcium carbide. Good times.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:25 | 4388878 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

Everybody relax. This is part of a nationwide experiment to define how many degrees of seperation are between a dealer and any random customer.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:27 | 4388887 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

I hope they saved some for the players because the equity markets have been horking up lines of the stuff all day today.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:36 | 4388940 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

white powder?  I'd usually blame the banksters and wall streeters, but they keep turning up dead lately these days. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:40 | 4388955 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Maybe it's because the envelopes were delivered to the wrong addresses and they became depressed. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:43 | 4388975 MarcusLCrassus
MarcusLCrassus's picture

Hopefully this is of the Bolivian variety

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:44 | 4388976 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

it was probably powdered sugar or bill clinton's cocaine stash.

don't these cia creeps ever tire of their baby games of scaring people with faked news?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:45 | 4388979 TheObsoleteMan
TheObsoleteMan's picture

Nothing suspicious about it at all....

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckUIULPg9RY

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:46 | 4388986 simpleminded
simpleminded's picture

I was just there for lunch (the strip mall next door has an indian buffet). That hotel is right next to the Federal Reserve building. Maybe they sent it to the wrong address. There were a bunch of cops and some huge RV with popouts called something like "East Rutherford Incident Response Unit". I bet they are just dying to get some use out of that huge waste of money. The next town over, Lyndhurst, has one of them that sits in the strip mall parking lot because I guess they don't have room in the police parking lot across the street. I don't think they used it once in the many years that they had it. I guess it's now obsolete and they should be getting another DHS grant to upgrade to the latest technology.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:59 | 4389053 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

White powder like sugar or salt?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:01 | 4389061 stock trout
stock trout's picture

What's the big deal? I get this stuff whenever I ask for a toy at McDonalds drive-thru.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:15 | 4389121 BeerMe
BeerMe's picture

reminds me of an investigation of a rolled up $50 with white powder on it

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:25 | 4389142 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

What happened to the Happy Meal?

Edit: Damn, beaten to the punch. It's the year of the horse now/?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:25 | 4389155 Cortez
Cortez's picture

I remember when Ricin was the "suspicous white powder".

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:29 | 4389178 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

The funniest thing to me is that in this comical police-state of the US, one can do just about as well sending out "white powder" than actually doing some harm.

The gun and badge thugs and Gestapo (FBI) will just about shut everything down and quite often kill some innocent person.

"Keystone Police-State"

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 17:05 | 4389289 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Yup.

Pro tip for the budding Anarchist: don't order from www.whitepowder.gov

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:39 | 4389204 blanketof ash
blanketof ash's picture

May I suggest to the investigators that if this amazing apparently self aware white powder is so suspicious, they could ask it what it is so suspicious about.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:45 | 4389226 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

more alarming headline should read "white powder found in all but 5 hotels in super bowl area"

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 17:44 | 4389446 Blazed
Blazed's picture

Oh nos, don't fuck with the Super Stupid Bowl, it's the best bread and circus distraction going. My felon thugs can beat your felon thugs, YAY!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 18:35 | 4389646 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

White powder in envelopes at the time of the Super Bowl is about as mysterious as powdery white snowflakes falling on Atlanta.  Apparently, neither city knows what to do about either one...

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