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"Suspicious White Powder" Found At 5 Superbowl Hotels

Tyler Durden's picture




 

While joking about potential terrorist plots is below us, the fact that New Jersey police are investigating the appearance of suspicious white powder at several hotels near the site of the Superbowl was too close to an "Onion" headline for us to ignore. As AP reports, the FBI is investigating the substance (found in envelopes - which we suspect were not marked with player's names). No injuries or overnight bouts of unexplained euphoria have been reported.

 

Via AP,

The FBI and other law enforcement are investigating a suspicious white powder that was mailed to at least five New Jersey hotels near the site of Sunday's Super Bowl.

 

Carlstadt Police Det. John Cleary says someone at an Econo Lodge found the substance in an envelope on Friday.

 

Cleary says similar mailings arrived at the Homestead Inn in East Rutherford and a Renaissance Inn in Rutherford. He says investigators intercepted additional envelopes from a mail truck before it reached a Holiday Inn Express and Hampton Inn in Carlstadt.

 

Hazardous materials teams are checking out the substance. The FBI says it is investigating and no injuries have been reported.

We hope this is not a replay of Washington's Anthrax issues but otherwise suggest NJ's blow-dealers consider other forms of delivery (e.g. McDonalds Happy Meal or Amazon Drone)

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Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:00 | 4388766 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Yeah it's called snowflakes...we've had an abundance this year.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:03 | 4388785 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

Tomorrow's headline

"Suspicious white power goes missing"

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:10 | 4388816 philosophers bone
philosophers bone's picture

"President Obama personally inspects and tests suspicious white substance.  Declares results inconclusive and further tests will continue through the weekend."

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:14 | 4388826 hedgeless_horseman
Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:15 | 4388835 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

In a smokey room with Lawrence Taylor

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:18 | 4388852 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

If it was marked as "Thera Flu", it might be a delivery from those McDonalds in Pittsburgh where you asked for a toy in your happy meal.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:23 | 4388871 Decolat
Decolat's picture

I heard Bruno Mars is hangin 'round...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:23 | 4388875 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

Police reports state that the white powder was found atop a hooker's ass.  tests were inconclusive.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:48 | 4389227 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Suspicious White Powder" Found At 5 Superbowl Hotels

Who cares? No one I know does.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled circus, enjoy the stupor bowl, you worthless derelicts.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:26 | 4388869 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

What are sure to be many tens of thousand if not hundreds of thousands of citizen serf tax dollars spent to investigate white powder found at 5 hotel locations near the upcoming Superbowl =

#Winning

I'm Sherlock Holmes and predict they will find razor blades and rolled up hundies nearby, too.

Tag it and bag it.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:35 | 4388929 1100-TACTICAL-12
1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

Fuckin trendys and sportheads pissin themselves everytime a tire blows or someone farts to loud, allow the police state to roll on out.....

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:38 | 4388952 kralizec
kralizec's picture

White Line Fever strikes again.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 20:36 | 4389957 trader1
trader1's picture

now why you gotta go pickin on michael irvin?

what a horrible case of bad luck.  if they only kept the music down and used just a wee little bit of self-restraint in exercising their private affairs...

everyone's got a dark side, or at least varying shades of gray (double puns (not) intended). he clearly had his own set of mental issues (demons you say?) and tried to deal with them in the only way he could understand how to best resolve.  BUT, i digress...  

sure, he broke some (asinine) drug laws, but why would a cop (who has his own darkside / shades of gray) be disappointed about some football player's extra-curricular activities?  he didn't murder anyone (as far as we know).  he didn't rape anyone (from any criminal or legal perspective). he didn't steal (as far as we know).  he didn't lie (except when trying to avoid punishment).  

 

<if you're not smelling the satire by now, please help yourself)

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:09 | 4388818 macholatte
macholatte's picture

 

 

Details! We need details!

 

Was the powder in small plastic bags or loose in the envelopes?

 

 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:04 | 4388796 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Good time to remind everyone war on terror.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:09 | 4388809 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

You mean the war on the American people right? Al CIAduh is on our side now....I mean .govs side now. Shit I'm so confused.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:15 | 4388838 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

They hate us for our spicy buffalo wings.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:24 | 4388870 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

ParkAve, fwiw

My favorite post of the week. 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:40 | 4388963 kralizec
kralizec's picture

Institute cower-in-place orders!  Release the drones!  Forward!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:52 | 4389003 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Slainte!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:19 | 4389033 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Breaking News: Tim Osmond wanted in connection with white powder. Call Al CIAduh for reward leading to arrest.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:02 | 4389065 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Mmmmmm

Spicy Wings (the biggest tell if someone is from WNY or not is if they include 'buffalo' and/or 'chicken' before wings):

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lP0t17zG6A

 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:03 | 4389068 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

what was the middle thing?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:08 | 4388812 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Yep, I'd say the CIA (et al.) have been busy with who knows how many false-flag preparations lately.

Perhaps this is the real reason that we're having an outdoor NYC Superbowl?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:31 | 4388906 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Also, with a cold weather venue, I wonder just how many hours people are going to have to wait to get through the security checkpoints, given everyone is going to be bundled up?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:32 | 4388902 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture

 

 

zerozulu

And the VALUE of the NSA 

 

lol

 

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:39 | 4388954 yogibear
yogibear's picture

"Good time to remind everyone war on terror."

That's why Obama and Eric Holder will point out the need for the NDAA, NSA and TSA.

And the further need to trash the US constitution and install international law.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:26 | 4389156 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

NSA superbowl ads please!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:07 | 4388803 no life
no life's picture

Polar Vortex..

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:16 | 4388833 Canadian Dirtlump
Canadian Dirtlump's picture

anybody up for some WIDE EYED FUN?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:50 | 4388998 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Nah, things go better with coke you know.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:57 | 4389032 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Well, they can't blame it on Bruce Ivins, he's been dead for quite some time.

Could it have been one of those three bankers who recently committed suicide?

The last one was from a subsidiary of Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, whose historical majority shareholder has been the Rockefeller family.  Wonder if they still are?

And that other banker was with JPMorgan Chase.....

Hmmmm....

Speaking of white powder (Anthrax inference), a great book to read on that and questionable suicides is Bob Coen's Dead Silence (Coen and Nadler did some great investigative journalism on that one).

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:01 | 4388767 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

People mailing themselves after party favors!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:04 | 4388784 dryam
dryam's picture

It's called cocaine.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:08 | 4388814 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Devil's Dandruff!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:20 | 4388854 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

Peruvian Marching Powder

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:21 | 4388866 NuckingFuts
NuckingFuts's picture

Nose candy

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:41 | 4388960 DblAjent
DblAjent's picture

Yeyo / Perico / Toot

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:59 | 4389054 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

California cornflake

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:16 | 4389127 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

The guidos in my area call it "Da boost" or "boosta"

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:27 | 4389161 Prisoners_dilemna
Prisoners_dilemna's picture

Booger Sugar

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 16:40 | 4389210 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Booger sugar.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:11 | 4388822 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

It's called tipping the room service!

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:01 | 4388768 superflex
superflex's picture

Stanley Wilson in the house

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:01 | 4388774 Agstacker
Agstacker's picture

Cocaine.

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:02 | 4388783 brewing
brewing's picture

a little chop chop...

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:15 | 4388839 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

"Chop a line now...."

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:03 | 4388777 ZeroChance
ZeroChance's picture

Market is down, EM markets suffering and panties getting into a wad ... time for some good ol' fashioned "terrorism" whitewash?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:04 | 4388779 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

Coke?

Fri, 01/31/2014 - 15:02 | 4388780 The Axe
The Axe's picture

I need some of that powder....I think the market is storting that shit...crazy market..just crazy

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