Dude, "It's Going To Be A Bloodbath": Newly Private Dell To Fire 15,000

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Curious why Michael Dell was so eager to take the company he founded private? So he could do stuff like this without attracting too much attention. According to the Channel Register, the recently LBOed company is "starting the expected huge layoff program this week, claiming numbers will be north of 15,000." Of course, with a private sponsor in charge of the recently public company, the only thing that matters now is maximizing cash flows in an environment of falling PC sales, a commoditisation of the server market and a perceived need to better serve enterprises with their ever-increasing mobile and cloud-focused IT requirements - things that do not bode well for Dell's EBITDA - and the result is perhaps the largest axing round in the company's history. But at least the shareholders cashed out while they could.

More on the upcoming layoffs:

We heard from people close to the Round Rock Dell HQ area that Dell management has every conference room booked, and every HR person and security staff member is at work. There are cuts in all departments, according to one of our sources, who says some of these have already been downsized and are now being told to cut 15 per cent more heads.

 

We hear the worldwide layoff number is now greater than 15,000 people.

 

Our insider commented: "It’s going to be a bloodbath.”

So what can those on the receiving end of said bloodbath expect? Not much. "The severance package is two months' pay plus an extra week of pay for each year of service, a bonus at 75 per cent, obligated COBRA health insurance for 18 months in the United States, and outplacement services (in the US at least)."

The internal justification for th move:

... Dell has started its Stateside layoffs this week. Internal company emails seen by The Reg mention “simplifying client support structure - both basic and up sell,” “client support structure combined - Consumer and Commercial come under one umbrella,” and “Up sell offers will align with Pro Support and will "evolve”. The “evolve” word could mean that further changes are coming.

Also known as trying to remain cash flow positive in a world that has long since moved on and left Dell in the dust....

We wish the company's billionaire founder well as he progresses with the bloodbathing, just as we wish the BLS the best of luck in the coming weeks as they use every seasonal adjustment gimmick known under the sun to make the 15,000 mass termination disappear. Wait, we know: it's all the weather's fault. And demographcs.

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Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:21 | 4396330 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Go long gaming consoles, there will be some decent severance pay for these guys...

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:29 | 4396345 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

I just sent Carl "I Can Haz Tweet Sessionz" iCon an email suggesting that he "investor agitate" for a merger of Dell & Apple -

- d'Apple
- AppDell
-Delple
-Dapple

They can even fold Gateway into the commodity maker -

DappleGate

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:34 | 4396379 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Dude, your gettin a pink slip.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:43 | 4396418 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

Large multi-national corporations suck donkey dicks!

Work local, shop local and get to know your neighbors. Starve the beast.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:49 | 4396461 Lost My Shorts
Lost My Shorts's picture

Dell is great and I am a loyal customer.  It's sad to see them raped by the private equity brigade.  I just bought a rack server, and I hope it's as good as the last one, which is still humming without ever a whimper after 8 years.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:53 | 4396483 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

been using dell workstations and server since december 2002.  windows xp pro and server 2003.  have replaced all the motherboard batteries, and replaced the power-unit in the server a couple years back.

 

these machines are solid, they do exactly what i need for them too and i see no reason for capex.

 

bad news is, they are dropping support for xp and server 2003 in april.

 

may have to go apache on the server and redhat on the workstations, but the heck with replacing these workstations,  only drawback is they are ide drives, but i have about 4 spares in the parts rack.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:57 | 4396496 Shocker
Shocker's picture

When your talking numbers like 15,000, that is serious something to look at whats going on

Full Layoff / Closing List: http://www.dailyjobcuts.com

/

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:04 | 4396566 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Dell-ious!

Now, they'll place nets around Dell's HQ's to save the Obot woreshippers.

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:23 | 4396690 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Yes Please, Dump USA Worker And Make It The China New Machines...

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 20:37 | 4398131 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

My friend lives in the Austin area [Round Rock, Geaorgetown, Cedar park, etc] and says there are thousands of Indians working for Dell.

What do they do now? That laboir market is flooded...UT alone has over 45,000 students and vomits what, about 10,000 Yutes a year into that market place?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 23:13 | 4398730 Midas
Midas's picture

If you lose your job at Initech you can always get another one at Penetrode.  They have a better copy machine anyway.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:56 | 4396855 Carpenter1
Carpenter1's picture

15000 sheeple just found out there's no recovery. How ya gonna pay for your new Chrysler and house now?

 

BAAH BAAAH

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:33 | 4397846 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Depends on whether or not they ever moved out of their parent's basement in the first place. Might not be as big an impact as you'd expect.  

Wed, 02/05/2014 - 17:48 | 4405622 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

For me it looks like I will have ot replace my NVIDIA card (overheating all the time) with a new one and contemplate getting a new power supply.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:55 | 4396487 j0nx
j0nx's picture

Fuck Dell. They were one of the very first outsourcers that started that shit around 2001. This is just chickens coming home to roost.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:10 | 4396609 aVileRat
aVileRat's picture

Yeah, as predicted last year the AHA rollover is going to start to impact the last remaining US corps. in 1Q14. The rollover in payroll numbers will be the pin that pops the bubble, and forces Yellen to get really creative.

10% down from the top is still overvalued.

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 23:57 | 4398860 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

my first experience w/os was 1988 & it never stopped.

i'm w/u  FD.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:53 | 4396489 walküre
walküre's picture

Lenovo

China's death bringer to the last bastion of American innovation.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:09 | 4398309 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

Will Dell get Wanged?

 

Wang Laboratories, Inc. is a worldwide provider of computer-based office information processing systems including data, text, image and voice processing systems, as well as networking products. Wang's business activities also include consulting, support, and training services in addition to customer services which help businesses reengineer offices to improve productivity and quality. In 1992, despite $1.9 billion in sales, Wang posted a net loss of $139 million and began operating under the protection of Chapter 11 of the United States Bankruptcy Code.

 

http://www.fundinguniverse.com/company-histories/wang-laboratories-inc-h...

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:58 | 4398480 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

Wang was huge back in the day but couldn't keep it up with the stiff competition.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 00:00 | 4398870 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

When the laws are written of, by & for the corporation, your Wang can do wonders!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:02 | 4396554 Jack Burton
Jack Burton's picture

lost my shorts, Private Equity in the form of Black Rock came to my town and bought the local short haul mining railroad and ship loading facility. They had it for a number of years and nearly destroyed it. No money in, all the money out. It was classic milking!  No maintenance and no repairs unless needed to keep running, no modernization. Just milk the profits, nothing turned back into the company. Luckly Canadian National came along bought it out and now run a proper profitable rail road. The private equity suits may know finance, but as to running a rail road? Stupid Cunts! And I mean cunts.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:08 | 4396587 walküre
walküre's picture

You ever wonder what really happened or caused the tragic rail accident at the Quebec town last year? Was that company mismanaged or underfunded or what? CN and BNSF are one of the better rail cos. out there. Here's a good argument to have transportation related businesses in a pub co.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:22 | 4397807 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Wasn't that one of Warren Buffet's oil trains of death?

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 22:02 | 4402419 BigSpruce
BigSpruce's picture

It was privately held. Due to the fact their insurance only covered 25 million -they were forced into bankruptcy. A "Black Rock" like equity fund just bought it for pennies on the dollar. I wish them luck. Since the demise of the paper industry in Maine, the only real consistent product to haul was oil. It was being moved from the Tar Sands fields  to Irvings giant refinery in St. John NB. After this past summer's horific conflagration one can assume the Irvings will get their oil via some other method.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 18:11 | 4397460 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

"fuck you, pay me" http://youtu.be/ZPtjyqgZAUk

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:28 | 4396732 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Umm, dude-  your "private equity brigade" is Michael Dell, and he really doesn't care about your loyalty-  he's moving to wring out cash from this turd, because his name is on the door.

It's over.

Mike has moved on.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 22:14 | 4398541 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

 

Thirty years later, their careers destroyed, their jobs gone, the last band of American IT workers submitted to the H1B visa workers at Round Rock, Texas. The great Personal Computing culture of the turn of the millenium was gone and the last American workers of any kind were soon to pass into history.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:09 | 4396593 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

I hate it for them.  Been there, done that and have the scars to prove it.  I know some Dell folks - good people. 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:42 | 4398428 Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

Same here.  Life destroyed by outsourcing in 2002, new career since then, no job security in sight but latest gig has lasted awhile ... till the next wave of economic destruction by the globalists is rained down on the people to be 'competitive' (code word for 'fuck over as many american workers as possible and pretend its a cyclical phenomenom') .

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:36 | 4396387 Jlasoon
Jlasoon's picture

The new MacDell Ultra MacBook Air

"Designed, Conceived, Programmed in California and Texas. Still built by child labor in China"

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:37 | 4396393 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Built in Burma (now Myanmar), programmed in Nigeria, with free intercept/upgrades by NSA.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:52 | 4396479 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

"simplifying client support structure"

Meaning talk to a dude in the Philippines about your Dell server. This crap is nothing more than outsourcing and less service.

Dell fucked up an order I put in and the Dell's Philippines support could not or would not give me the support line in Austin, Texas. The company actually hides the contact information of their managers and board.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:12 | 4396608 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

I used to buy TONS of PCs and Eq. from them using their Website. Sometimes UPS had to put on another truck for deliveries to my home. No problems.

Got a call in 2007 from a sales person who would just love to be my rep. Funny thing was that the prices with the rep. were higher than on the Website. I did make one order for a SMB router that was somehow cheaper with the rep. They fucked up the order and it took MANY calls to them to get some nice girl in TN to fix it. Ridiculous! The whole time my rep. was unreachable. Then a week or so later they call to "check in" and got an earful.

I then started building the PCs and servers myself and ordering the rare router or other from them. Talk about them cutting their own throat.

Clients had problems too, but that's a topic for another day of Dell layoffs.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:37 | 4397863 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Bought systems from them way back when they were PC's Limited - one of the first smallish companies to go into PC's in a big way.  But Dell's quality was a roller coaster over the years.  They were knowingly shipping systems with ad hard drives for a while - a guaranteed way to piss off your customer base.  

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:40 | 4396397 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

This is BS, my TV said the economy was doing great.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:42 | 4396413 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

DAMN the WEATHER!!!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:49 | 4396463 Jlasoon
Jlasoon's picture

Can someone please bomb the clouds and the cold. Merica needs your help. 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:48 | 4396464 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

cnBS reported that e-commerce keystrokes fell 57% due to the Polar Vortex.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:56 | 4396506 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

See, it was the thickened lubricant on the keys.  The cold slowed 'em down.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:42 | 4396401 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

No shit!  I can't believe this!   So funny!  I HATE Dell!   And I'm not buying another Crapple product ever again! 

And just another pleasant  reminder...   FUCKING MAJOR SUPPORT HAS BEEN BROKEN YOU MOOKS!!

And did Urban Redneck go home yet to hunker down with some scotch like I said??

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 02:08 | 4399182 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

NEVER, but when did you say so (and I could use a really good Scotch, since I haven't touched liquor since perhaps Thanksgiving US-time) ?

(I'm keeping weird hours multitasking/procrastinating this week...)

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 17:07 | 4397205 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

"IT'S A DELL".

You can tell by the smell.

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 18:15 | 4397483 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture

"IT'S A DELL".

Dude, you haven't been getting a Dell. But don't worry, the Feds will bail me out.

Right?

RIGHT?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:31 | 4397839 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Collapse of another corporate clusterfuck.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:57 | 4396513 John Law Lives
John Law Lives's picture

"DappleGate"

Nice.

+100

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:04 | 4396897 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Yapple Dapple!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:27 | 4396356 nasdaq99
nasdaq99's picture

friday there was 10,000 layoffs:

 

http://dailyjobcuts.com/

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:59 | 4397952 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

but, but, Bath House said things were looking up! The economy is coming back!

that fucking liar.

Hopeless Change.........

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:29 | 4396360 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Dell is a shit hole to work at just like their founder. I know many of a poor sap who had to deal with the crap. Why can't we get rid of the managers who caused this mess? Oh wait, this is 'merica where average folk take it up the ass.

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