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Dude, "It's Going To Be A Bloodbath": Newly Private Dell To Fire 15,000

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Curious why Michael Dell was so eager to take the company he founded private? So he could do stuff like this without attracting too much attention. According to the Channel Register, the recently LBOed company is "starting the expected huge layoff program this week, claiming numbers will be north of 15,000." Of course, with a private sponsor in charge of the recently public company, the only thing that matters now is maximizing cash flows in an environment of falling PC sales, a commoditisation of the server market and a perceived need to better serve enterprises with their ever-increasing mobile and cloud-focused IT requirements - things that do not bode well for Dell's EBITDA - and the result is perhaps the largest axing round in the company's history. But at least the shareholders cashed out while they could.

More on the upcoming layoffs:

We heard from people close to the Round Rock Dell HQ area that Dell management has every conference room booked, and every HR person and security staff member is at work. There are cuts in all departments, according to one of our sources, who says some of these have already been downsized and are now being told to cut 15 per cent more heads.

 

We hear the worldwide layoff number is now greater than 15,000 people.

 

Our insider commented: "It’s going to be a bloodbath.”

So what can those on the receiving end of said bloodbath expect? Not much. "The severance package is two months' pay plus an extra week of pay for each year of service, a bonus at 75 per cent, obligated COBRA health insurance for 18 months in the United States, and outplacement services (in the US at least)."

The internal justification for th move:

... Dell has started its Stateside layoffs this week. Internal company emails seen by The Reg mention “simplifying client support structure - both basic and up sell,” “client support structure combined - Consumer and Commercial come under one umbrella,” and “Up sell offers will align with Pro Support and will "evolve”. The “evolve” word could mean that further changes are coming.

Also known as trying to remain cash flow positive in a world that has long since moved on and left Dell in the dust....

We wish the company's billionaire founder well as he progresses with the bloodbathing, just as we wish the BLS the best of luck in the coming weeks as they use every seasonal adjustment gimmick known under the sun to make the 15,000 mass termination disappear. Wait, we know: it's all the weather's fault. And demographcs.

 

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Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:21 | 4396330 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Go long gaming consoles, there will be some decent severance pay for these guys...

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:29 | 4396345 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

I just sent Carl "I Can Haz Tweet Sessionz" iCon an email suggesting that he "investor agitate" for a merger of Dell & Apple -

- d'Apple
- AppDell
-Delple
-Dapple

They can even fold Gateway into the commodity maker -

DappleGate

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:29 | 4396361 negative rates
negative rates's picture

"IT'S A DELL".

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:34 | 4396379 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Dude, your gettin a pink slip.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:43 | 4396418 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

Large multi-national corporations suck donkey dicks!

Work local, shop local and get to know your neighbors. Starve the beast.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:49 | 4396461 Lost My Shorts
Lost My Shorts's picture

Dell is great and I am a loyal customer.  It's sad to see them raped by the private equity brigade.  I just bought a rack server, and I hope it's as good as the last one, which is still humming without ever a whimper after 8 years.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:53 | 4396483 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

been using dell workstations and server since december 2002.  windows xp pro and server 2003.  have replaced all the motherboard batteries, and replaced the power-unit in the server a couple years back.

 

these machines are solid, they do exactly what i need for them too and i see no reason for capex.

 

bad news is, they are dropping support for xp and server 2003 in april.

 

may have to go apache on the server and redhat on the workstations, but the heck with replacing these workstations,  only drawback is they are ide drives, but i have about 4 spares in the parts rack.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:57 | 4396496 Shocker
Shocker's picture

When your talking numbers like 15,000, that is serious something to look at whats going on

Full Layoff / Closing List: http://www.dailyjobcuts.com

/

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:04 | 4396566 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Dell-ious!

Now, they'll place nets around Dell's HQ's to save the Obot woreshippers.

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:23 | 4396690 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Yes Please, Dump USA Worker And Make It The China New Machines...

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 20:37 | 4398131 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

My friend lives in the Austin area [Round Rock, Geaorgetown, Cedar park, etc] and says there are thousands of Indians working for Dell.

What do they do now? That laboir market is flooded...UT alone has over 45,000 students and vomits what, about 10,000 Yutes a year into that market place?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 23:13 | 4398730 Midas
Midas's picture

If you lose your job at Initech you can always get another one at Penetrode.  They have a better copy machine anyway.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:56 | 4396855 Carpenter1
Carpenter1's picture

15000 sheeple just found out there's no recovery. How ya gonna pay for your new Chrysler and house now?

 

BAAH BAAAH

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:33 | 4397846 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Depends on whether or not they ever moved out of their parent's basement in the first place. Might not be as big an impact as you'd expect.  

Wed, 02/05/2014 - 17:48 | 4405622 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

For me it looks like I will have ot replace my NVIDIA card (overheating all the time) with a new one and contemplate getting a new power supply.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:55 | 4396487 j0nx
j0nx's picture

Fuck Dell. They were one of the very first outsourcers that started that shit around 2001. This is just chickens coming home to roost.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:10 | 4396609 aVileRat
aVileRat's picture

Yeah, as predicted last year the AHA rollover is going to start to impact the last remaining US corps. in 1Q14. The rollover in payroll numbers will be the pin that pops the bubble, and forces Yellen to get really creative.

10% down from the top is still overvalued.

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 23:57 | 4398860 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

my first experience w/os was 1988 & it never stopped.

i'm w/u  FD.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:53 | 4396489 walküre
walküre's picture

Lenovo

China's death bringer to the last bastion of American innovation.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:09 | 4398309 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

Will Dell get Wanged?

 

Wang Laboratories, Inc. is a worldwide provider of computer-based office information processing systems including data, text, image and voice processing systems, as well as networking products. Wang's business activities also include consulting, support, and training services in addition to customer services which help businesses reengineer offices to improve productivity and quality. In 1992, despite $1.9 billion in sales, Wang posted a net loss of $139 million and began operating under the protection of Chapter 11 of the United States Bankruptcy Code.

 

http://www.fundinguniverse.com/company-histories/wang-laboratories-inc-h...

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:58 | 4398480 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

Wang was huge back in the day but couldn't keep it up with the stiff competition.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 00:00 | 4398870 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

When the laws are written of, by & for the corporation, your Wang can do wonders!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:02 | 4396554 Jack Burton
Jack Burton's picture

lost my shorts, Private Equity in the form of Black Rock came to my town and bought the local short haul mining railroad and ship loading facility. They had it for a number of years and nearly destroyed it. No money in, all the money out. It was classic milking!  No maintenance and no repairs unless needed to keep running, no modernization. Just milk the profits, nothing turned back into the company. Luckly Canadian National came along bought it out and now run a proper profitable rail road. The private equity suits may know finance, but as to running a rail road? Stupid Cunts! And I mean cunts.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:08 | 4396587 walküre
walküre's picture

You ever wonder what really happened or caused the tragic rail accident at the Quebec town last year? Was that company mismanaged or underfunded or what? CN and BNSF are one of the better rail cos. out there. Here's a good argument to have transportation related businesses in a pub co.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:22 | 4397807 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Wasn't that one of Warren Buffet's oil trains of death?

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 22:02 | 4402419 BigSpruce
BigSpruce's picture

It was privately held. Due to the fact their insurance only covered 25 million -they were forced into bankruptcy. A "Black Rock" like equity fund just bought it for pennies on the dollar. I wish them luck. Since the demise of the paper industry in Maine, the only real consistent product to haul was oil. It was being moved from the Tar Sands fields  to Irvings giant refinery in St. John NB. After this past summer's horific conflagration one can assume the Irvings will get their oil via some other method.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 18:11 | 4397460 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

"fuck you, pay me" http://youtu.be/ZPtjyqgZAUk

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:28 | 4396732 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Umm, dude-  your "private equity brigade" is Michael Dell, and he really doesn't care about your loyalty-  he's moving to wring out cash from this turd, because his name is on the door.

It's over.

Mike has moved on.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 22:14 | 4398541 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

 

Thirty years later, their careers destroyed, their jobs gone, the last band of American IT workers submitted to the H1B visa workers at Round Rock, Texas. The great Personal Computing culture of the turn of the millenium was gone and the last American workers of any kind were soon to pass into history.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:09 | 4396593 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

I hate it for them.  Been there, done that and have the scars to prove it.  I know some Dell folks - good people. 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:42 | 4398428 Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

Same here.  Life destroyed by outsourcing in 2002, new career since then, no job security in sight but latest gig has lasted awhile ... till the next wave of economic destruction by the globalists is rained down on the people to be 'competitive' (code word for 'fuck over as many american workers as possible and pretend its a cyclical phenomenom') .

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:36 | 4396387 Jlasoon
Jlasoon's picture

The new MacDell Ultra MacBook Air

"Designed, Conceived, Programmed in California and Texas. Still built by child labor in China"

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:37 | 4396393 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Built in Burma (now Myanmar), programmed in Nigeria, with free intercept/upgrades by NSA.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:52 | 4396479 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

"simplifying client support structure"

Meaning talk to a dude in the Philippines about your Dell server. This crap is nothing more than outsourcing and less service.

Dell fucked up an order I put in and the Dell's Philippines support could not or would not give me the support line in Austin, Texas. The company actually hides the contact information of their managers and board.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:12 | 4396608 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

I used to buy TONS of PCs and Eq. from them using their Website. Sometimes UPS had to put on another truck for deliveries to my home. No problems.

Got a call in 2007 from a sales person who would just love to be my rep. Funny thing was that the prices with the rep. were higher than on the Website. I did make one order for a SMB router that was somehow cheaper with the rep. They fucked up the order and it took MANY calls to them to get some nice girl in TN to fix it. Ridiculous! The whole time my rep. was unreachable. Then a week or so later they call to "check in" and got an earful.

I then started building the PCs and servers myself and ordering the rare router or other from them. Talk about them cutting their own throat.

Clients had problems too, but that's a topic for another day of Dell layoffs.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:37 | 4397863 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Bought systems from them way back when they were PC's Limited - one of the first smallish companies to go into PC's in a big way.  But Dell's quality was a roller coaster over the years.  They were knowingly shipping systems with ad hard drives for a while - a guaranteed way to piss off your customer base.  

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:40 | 4396397 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

This is BS, my TV said the economy was doing great.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:42 | 4396413 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

DAMN the WEATHER!!!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:49 | 4396463 Jlasoon
Jlasoon's picture

Can someone please bomb the clouds and the cold. Merica needs your help. 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:48 | 4396464 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

cnBS reported that e-commerce keystrokes fell 57% due to the Polar Vortex.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:56 | 4396506 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

See, it was the thickened lubricant on the keys.  The cold slowed 'em down.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:42 | 4396401 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

No shit!  I can't believe this!   So funny!  I HATE Dell!   And I'm not buying another Crapple product ever again! 

And just another pleasant  reminder...   FUCKING MAJOR SUPPORT HAS BEEN BROKEN YOU MOOKS!!

And did Urban Redneck go home yet to hunker down with some scotch like I said??

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 02:08 | 4399182 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

NEVER, but when did you say so (and I could use a really good Scotch, since I haven't touched liquor since perhaps Thanksgiving US-time) ?

(I'm keeping weird hours multitasking/procrastinating this week...)

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 17:07 | 4397205 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

"IT'S A DELL".

You can tell by the smell.

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 18:15 | 4397483 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture

"IT'S A DELL".

Dude, you haven't been getting a Dell. But don't worry, the Feds will bail me out.

Right?

RIGHT?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:31 | 4397839 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Collapse of another corporate clusterfuck.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:57 | 4396513 John Law Lives
John Law Lives's picture

"DappleGate"

Nice.

+100

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:04 | 4396897 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Yapple Dapple!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:27 | 4396356 nasdaq99
nasdaq99's picture

friday there was 10,000 layoffs:

 

http://dailyjobcuts.com/

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:59 | 4397952 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

but, but, Bath House said things were looking up! The economy is coming back!

that fucking liar.

Hopeless Change.........

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:29 | 4396360 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Dell is a shit hole to work at just like their founder. I know many of a poor sap who had to deal with the crap. Why can't we get rid of the managers who caused this mess? Oh wait, this is 'merica where average folk take it up the ass.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:38 | 4396396 Levadiakos
Levadiakos's picture

Typical GOP capitalists

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:04 | 4396556 CH1
CH1's picture

Wow... Get over it.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:12 | 4396611 i_fly_me
i_fly_me's picture

If you seriously think this is an "it's the red|blue team's fault" problem, *you* are part of the problem. That's a manufactured illusion, and the real bastards love it when you choose to accept their version of reality.  Wake up.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:14 | 4396618 Surging Chaos
Surging Chaos's picture

If we actually had capitalism, people could leave the company they were in, start their own business very easily and be their own boss.

Too bad the government suffocates everyone in red tape to where only corporations can comply with all the regulations that get cranked out every year.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:05 | 4396904 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

To what Capitalism exactly, are you referring? Where does it presently exist?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:03 | 4397728 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Oh wait, this is 'merica where average folk take it up the ass.

Woody Allen

"..lay on your stomach...and don't tell mommy....it will be our secret."

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 02:51 | 4399272 Global Observer
Global Observer's picture

So you know better than the current managers of Dell on how to run a profitable server, desktop and laptop business? Great! Just start one yourself! Since Dell is such a bad place to work at, may be you can feel happy for the 15,000 soon to be liberated from there. Perhaps the Dell managers should continue to do their job the way they are doing currently and liberate everyone from Dell.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:34 | 4396382 G.O.O.D
G.O.O.D's picture

HOLllEEEEE FUCK!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:41 | 4396407 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

Ho Li Fuk

Sum Ting Wong

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 18:46 | 4397626 Freddie
Freddie's picture

God their stuff is crap.  The laptops are not bad but the desktops are pretty crappy.  I had HP desktops last forever when Dell's failed.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:23 | 4396334 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Do these 15,000 be counted as unemployed or do they immediately go into the "no longer actively looking for work" bucket?

 

/sarc off

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:27 | 4396358 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

There is probably a way to outsource these jobs to India, or maybe automate them with on-the-phone voice synthesis.

And when that happens, Dell can start counting robots for its reported employment head count.  And then BLS will follow that lead.

We'll get 500K/month job numbers when automated gizmos are counted.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:33 | 4396380 knukles
knukles's picture

HEY!

The the newly hired  people in India are no longer looking for work, either!
Whata deal to get U down more for the Propaganda Channels.

Nice move Knukies!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:34 | 4396386 Arius
Arius's picture

these guys will be better off with unemployment benefits.

 

for statistics purposes they will not be unemployed somehow ...

 

WIN - WIN

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:30 | 4396369 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

typical after looking for a day, they go in to the "no longer actively looking pile."

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:09 | 4396602 superflex
superflex's picture

If they get two months severance, they cant collect unemployment until the 2 months are up.

Couuld be longer for the people who have been there decades.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 00:12 | 4398910 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

when did that change? i had a relative just get sacked & they tried to tell him he couldn't get ue. I told him bs & he got it. 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:34 | 4396750 shutdown
shutdown's picture

Who would hire someone that had worked at Dell?  I mean, seriously.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:48 | 4397101 HungryPorkChop
HungryPorkChop's picture

Its guaranteed this weasel company will give out some package deals so the unemployed will not be counted as unemployed.  I've known several people that worked at Dellcatraz and its just one step short of the rock.  All that is missing from the building design was bob-wire fences and a couple guard towers. 

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 00:13 | 4398916 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

they've probably been outsourced to geo or cxw.

cheaper than chinese dontchaknow.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:57 | 4397946 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

Actually, they will pink slip 15k full time workers and then create 30k new part time jobs with no benefits. Net employment for BLS will rise and Obama will use it as further proof the economy is in full recovery.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:24 | 4396336 ShorTed
ShorTed's picture

Very Bullish

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:42 | 4396427 Rubbish
Rubbish's picture

BTFD

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:23 | 4396339 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

WTF is a Dell?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:32 | 4396377 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

is that a pickle??? or is that dill?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:33 | 4396378 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

An aborted iMac.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:35 | 4396384 knukles
knukles's picture

It's where the farmer lives, silly!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:39 | 4396404 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Some people can't tell the difference between a dell and a dale.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:41 | 4396408 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Lol... good one knuckles.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:09 | 4396598 Hulk
Hulk's picture

For our younger listening audience, knukles explained below:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Farmer_in_the_Dell

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:45 | 4396434 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

You're not getting "A Dell," you're getting Adele.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:25 | 4396341 FrustratedLogician
FrustratedLogician's picture

So much for economic recovery. Just like with mortgages. Market is booming, yet layoffs are seen left and right in big companies. Who lays off people if business is expanding? No logic.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:28 | 4396362 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

Who does?  You do, if you can buy a robot to do that work.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:30 | 4396365 Jlasoon
Jlasoon's picture

Dell needs to channel stuff those computers. There's plenty of empty football field parking lots this time of year. Think of the possibilities, and the poeple of course. 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:27 | 4396346 One And Only
One And Only's picture

Bush's fault.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:39 | 4396403 Levadiakos
Levadiakos's picture

Roger McNamee

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:31 | 4396367 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Are thses people on or off the Wok Force?

Wok the Fuk!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:35 | 4396389 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

isnt that the guys name who crashed the plan in SF

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:33 | 4396373 pods
pods's picture

That's a lot of people.  This will snowball too. No job, no lunch buying, no clothes buying.

Retail should be really dropping the hammer hard after this past season.  

2014 does not look to be good for stability.  
Yellen is going to have to untaper sooner than he would like.

pods 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:41 | 4396405 Winston of Oceania
Winston of Oceania's picture

Brother owns a restaurant, worse start to the year since he's had it. Dell ain't alone in layoffs.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:54 | 4396480 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

ZH anecdotal threads like that go like this:

25 commenters lay out what a disaster they are personally seeing.

1 guy shows up from the one solvent county of Calif or NY and tells us we're all full of shit and things are booming.

 

And then we all wonder if we are deluding ourselves and things really are going well.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:16 | 4396640 superflex
superflex's picture

1 .gov troll shows up from the one solvent county of Calif or NY and tells us we're all full of shit and things are booming.

Fixed that for ya.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:27 | 4396707 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

"solvent county of Calif or NY"

 

Bwwwwahahaha - ouch it hurts to laugh so much!

 

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 20:02 | 4397962 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

Modify it to " One government troll from D.C. Area shows up, tells us he is now making more than a family physician and is on track to retire at full pay so all is well."

This is not a fictitious story, btw.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:27 | 4396710 Mike in GA
Mike in GA's picture

(In my best Jeremiah Wright voice)  "Looks like the numbahs are comin' home to roost!"

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:55 | 4396853 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

I had a friend of a friend do the "you don't what your talking about" thing to me recently.

His basis was that "they are going to build a hotel on that closed car-lot over there." I laughed and then spelled out how the property owner was connected to the mayor and city council and how the town gets state and federal "incentive" funds to have this built. Additionally, that the whole thing is being financed by debt in a newly create corporation that they can later walk away from. I also pointed out that it is being build over three miles from the interstate and that there are several motels off of the interstate a half-mile down-No one is going to use it.

It is basically a public project with all the corruption and cronyism to boot but disguised as a private project. In other word, another get rich boondoggle for the connected and a shit sandwich for the rest.

He just gave me that blinking thing that the sheeple get when you hit them between the eyes with truth that they don't want to handle.

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:37 | 4397051 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

High five!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:17 | 4396953 FredFlintstone
FredFlintstone's picture

Maybe the one person is really a bot from Bangalore? Thank Satoshi911 for that insight.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:56 | 4396499 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

I drove up Leamington Spa (England) High Street today; nearly every store has discount prices in the window. Quite a few shops closed down, this is an affluent area.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:47 | 4396447 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

If QE Tapering = Female pubic hair waxing, is defninitely ceasing and we are going from a runway strip to full on Amazon bush in about a month me thinks! Get ready for the big stank!

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 17:57 | 4397416 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Just shave it. Zero Hedge.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 08:39 | 4399584 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

Best comment today.  :-)

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:02 | 4396542 j0nx
j0nx's picture

"Yellen is going to have to untaper sooner than he would like."

HAHA. I see what you did there.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:33 | 4396381 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"Dude, you're gettin' fired!"

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:37 | 4396391 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

I took my niece's laptop to repair yesterday.

$180 to "fix" the motherboard... mmkay, that's the price of a used new laptop.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:38 | 4396395 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@Unprepared

The problem may be as easy as some extra soldering.  You maybe could also try one of those oven cook soldering methods, but the noxious fumes aren't nice.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:41 | 4396416 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Unplug the laptop.  Pull the battery out.  With it unplugged and battery out, hold down the power button for 30 seconds or so.  Put battery back and plug back and try firing it up.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:10 | 4396581 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Under warranty they pay sub-contracted techs $25 to drive their own vehicle up to 50 miles to:  pick up the parts at FedEx, drive to the customers home, disassemble the entire laptop to replace the motherboard, re-assemble, run diagnostics, confirm operation, and call in to Dell using your own cellphone. 

Takes 2-3 hours so by the time you are done you got $8/hour not counting the gas and wear and tear on your vehicle.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:12 | 4396931 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

That's better than ASUS support....which is non-existent. Will never buy, nor will I ever recommend an ASUS piece of garbage again.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:40 | 4397068 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

ASUS makes a great motherboard, but getting into selling laptops/desktops was a huge mistake for them.

Same could be said of Acer buying Gateway.

Chasing a declining market.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:12 | 4398321 Jerome Lester H...
Jerome Lester Horwitz's picture

I had one of these HP subcontractors go to one of my clients to replace a failed hard drive that was under warranty. After the guy left the client angrily called me to complain that the pc still did not work. I drove out to the client and took the pc cover off only to find that the HP tech put the new hard drive in the caddy and left. He did not bother to connect the power or data cable.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 22:03 | 4398500 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

That's what you get for $8/hour.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 23:17 | 4398751 Magically Delicious
Magically Delicious's picture

We have one or two of them out to our site each week. They invariably come in two types:  50+ year old guys with technical backgrounds who can't find better, or <30 year old african immigrants.  I can't imagine how either group pays the bills based on what they tell me, especially the older guys.  It's a small miracle and testament to character that some of these guys still try to do a good job.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:18 | 4396653 superflex
superflex's picture

Used or NOS mobos on ebay dont cost $180.

Learn to work a screwdriver and read the service manuals Dell provides online.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:36 | 4396392 Cursive
Cursive's picture

Not minting anymore Dellionaires?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:40 | 4396398 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

"Disability" is "hiring". President Dicksuck should run some ads informing the soon-to-be jobless of their "opportunities."

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:41 | 4396414 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

I thought disability was an "entitlement" with "rights"? Oh well whatever WTF do I know anyhow.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:01 | 4396532 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

my wife has severe disabilities that prevent her from working. she worked for 35 years but has not worked for the last 2.  she has immaculate records from some of the most respected specialist in the southeast and she was turned down for disability, she appealed and hasn't heard anything for 6 months.

 

meanwhile, every other person that comes into my office is "disabled". some of them look like they could lift tractors for a living.

 

its a bullshit scam just like everything else in this godforsaken shithole we call a country.

 

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:04 | 4396567 Jack Burton
Jack Burton's picture

You got that right. How some of these lazy faker clowns get disability is beyond me. I think government gives it out just to lower the reported unemployment rate.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:19 | 4396964 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Sometimes it's the result of emo-stress of being ground down by a shitty suck-up IT Supervisor who knows nothing, and therefore does not push back on the demands of other suck-up supervisors in other departments. Just sayin'

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:32 | 4397838 thomasincincy
thomasincincy's picture

just think.... if you're on disability. you get a one way ticket and a front row seat to band camp because you're of no use to the state. and the death row inmates... it's going to be a gas. i know i can't afford anymore taxes

btw... enjoy your posts

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 20:43 | 4398177 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

ooops! I just twisted my back reading ZH...ooohhh the pain..I think my leg is numb ...I may never be able to walk again, no, wait, I'm sure I'm paralyzed for life!

....where is that ssdi office?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:05 | 4396573 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

Took my brother 7 years to get his claim approved. My only wish is if disability IS hiring they would hire investigators to snuff out the BS fraud. But what are the probabilities THAT'S every going to happen?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:16 | 4396646 Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

The FSA... it's not just a way of life.  It's a disease.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:26 | 4397009 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

i did read one article last week about some jackass that has been collecting disability for blindness for more than 15 years.  they had video footage of this guy water skiing and driving a speedboat.

 

no kidding, really?   people actually collect this that are not disabled.

i'm shocked.  jeez,  we have whole families that all collect dis checks, i guess they all know what doc to go to and how to manipulate it.

 

fsa

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 00:36 | 4398971 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

@SS,

I left corporate in 2012. They want me off any legacy bene's. Twice I've received letters for the corp from an outfit called Allsup. The letter is worded as tho if you don't reply your bene's get whacked. Of course that's not happened yet. It will tho. They're a hired gun for corp to enlarge the FSA & help them with their accounting fraud. 

Just a thought, but maybe they can help your wife as it's obvious they know the system better than an ambulance chaser. I have no idea what their "cut" would be, but you can bet it ain't free. 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:06 | 4397746 Freddie
Freddie's picture

If she were a newly arrived illegal alien then she would get full SS disability benefits for life and a pinata fillled with candies, EBT card, Obamaphone and FR notes.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 20:05 | 4397983 FreedomGuy
FreedomGuy's picture

I had a physician tell me years ago how whole families come in one by one to get disability. It pays better than welfare.

Also, they are often not actual citizens.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:42 | 4398429 BidnessMan
BidnessMan's picture

She have a college degree?  That is your problem....  

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 00:28 | 4398952 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

you're so right. it's an agenda 21 scam.  when the scammers finally get it. if they're on ssdi they're on medicaid. it they're on medicaid & own property, they don't anymore. it goes to the state.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:40 | 4396409 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

Well Fuck me! I hope these certificates were worth it. Good luck Dell Certified Professionals out there! These are pretty much useless now. Glad I avoided getting vendor certs.

http://accessories.us.dell.com/sna/category.aspx?c=us&s=bsd&cs=04&catego...

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:40 | 4396411 sgorem
sgorem's picture

looks like a good harbinger for gun sales.......................of course a "fired" person would have to wait until their first unemployment check arrives to purchase their brand new, oiled, 30 round clip AK or Bushmaster. have a nice day.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:42 | 4396430 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

Edit.."Magazine". Please call those Mags or magazines. 

Best intentions here. :)

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:55 | 4396486 pods
pods's picture

Unless you have a garand.

pods

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:02 | 4396541 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

i darn sure wouldn't turn one down, you offering?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:20 | 4396663 pods
pods's picture

Haha, no way in hell.  Never owned nor even fired one. Would love to have though.

pods

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:29 | 4397024 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

me too pods,  the stripper clips would be a little weird, but .30-06 semi-auto. and they were pretty accurate for a mass produced war weapon.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:04 | 4396553 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

This is TRUE! Or, maybe an old SKS?

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:17 | 4396655 kralizec
kralizec's picture

They're just laid off, they need to conserve what liquidity they do have and be frugal, they should be looking for a Mosin-Nagant, still some well broke-in Soviet models to be had for under $200, and spam cans of ammo can be had.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 21:14 | 4398329 countryboy42
countryboy42's picture

Jerry's has 03-A3 stripped receiver and bolt for about $115 right now. Very strong action. Yes, bolt action, but if you know a good smith, you can have one made up for arount $600 or so. I buy a few a year and turn them into heavy brush/ forrest rifles usually in 35 whelen.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:47 | 4396444 MopWater
MopWater's picture

Wonder how the networks will spin it?  Oh wait, they wont mention it because it doesnt fit the narriative.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:49 | 4396458 all-priced-in
all-priced-in's picture

Is Dell trying to get the head count down under 50 full time employees so they can drop health insurance coverage and still avoid the penalty (or is it a "tax")?

 

Dude you are only getting 29.5 hours a week from now on.

 

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:49 | 4396466 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

Shit I live in Round Rock Texas (Dell headquarters), crazy going to effect  alot of people over here.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:51 | 4396469 Salah
Salah's picture

THIS WILL BE A GODSEND TO THE TEXAS ECONOMY, LOOKING BACK AFTER 2-3 YEARS.  IT'S THE BEST PLACE IN AMERICA, OUTSIDE OF SILICON VALLEY, SOCAL, AND BOULDER TO START A NEW ENTERPRISE.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:56 | 4396497 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

Just like they did to us in NC in 2009! Dude! You're getting a sweet Tax break!

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/10/08/dell_closing_north_carolina_plan...

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:52 | 4396473 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Their severance package will be considered a hedonic adjustment to their unemployment. 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:55 | 4396494 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

One can only hope that at least a few of these geeks installed backdoors while they were still workng and know how to get inside Dell's systems and make them go poof.

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:56 | 4396503 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

Better yet, they saw this coming and dropped a Logic bomb on them ;)

logic bomb

n.
A computer virus that remains hidden until it is triggered when certain specific conditions are met.

 

Mon, 02/03/2014 - 14:59 | 4396516 Jack Burton
Jack Burton's picture

This reminds me of a relative of mine by marriage. She has just retired, but worked a life time for major telephone companies, at her age, she naturally went through the massive layoffs and consolidations in traditional phone service. She was a major HR person, for the last 20 some years, she has been in several of America's biggest phone companies as THE person tasked with taking people into her office and handing them their notice. She has fired so many thousands of people face to face that she has no idea the total numbers. When you think about it, corporate America needs women like her, willing to do the dirty work face to face. I believe her corporate loyalty, and good job of getting angry people out the door in minutes, made her a must have and keep employee. In all her time, she never heard any talk of her job being axed, right to the day she retired, she continued to fire people.

With the changes in computing, and they are BIG, Dell is fast becoming another traditional phone company like business that the world is passing by. They had a great run, but unless the business model changes, then they will sink. I for one, have had several Dells, but when this one goes, I will move into the cloud and hand held devices. The desk top will not be replaced, me and many others! For my small business I should go to the cloud right now, as the desk top connection limits my ability to respond instantly to customer requests. So my Dell is probably gone before summer tourist season hits.

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