This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
How Broncos Fans Took The Super Bowl Loss Into Their Own Hands
Americans may have watched the Super Bowl in record numbers but it was another addiction that saved the Denver fans from a night of sadness. According to PornHub.com, which we are told is a popular pornography website, there was a dramatic rise in viewership in the Denver, CO area - especially compared to that of the Seattle, WA region.
The traffic divergence really began at half-time (red line) as sad tissues turned into happy tissues...
but by the end of the game (green line) Denver traffic was 11% above average (compared to 17% below average in Seattle). While Payton may not have been able to take the game into his hands in the 2nd half, it seems the proud Broncos fans knew exactly what to do.
»
- 16677 reads
- Printer-friendly version
- Send to friend
- advertisements -
It looked like the Broncos already had their dicks in their hands about 8 minutes into the 1st quarter....
Um, first play after kickoff, actually.
What did you expect from a bunch of morbidly obese faggots wearing tights and pretending to play "football" with their hands (handball)?
More than half of Broncos players need nutritional counseling to balance muscle and fat before they can play in National Handball League.
BTW, Between 1924 and 1980, there were never more than eight NFL players who weighed more than 300 pounds. But a 2009 study of NFL rosters found 343 players who weighed more than 300 pounds.
Ah statistics. Please consider the difference in number of NFL players from 1924 to 2009. Please consider the strategery of higher weight players, and that if one team has them, the other team NEEDS them.
Anywho. This article is clearly an advertisment for pornhub.com. Rofls at those of you who can't tell. Sarcasm and cynical analysis appeal to enjoyers of porn as well. Also consider that the virus filled ads of ZH are similar in desperation levels to those of porn sites.
Only in this country an obese pregnant fly is an athlete...
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/dr/hln/www/release/sites/default/files/imagecac...
Ad Block plus is your friend. ^.-
Name mis-spelled above,
Peyton, not Payton.
I guess, If you can't beat them, then jerk yourself off.
Words to live by.
Football... The rest of the world finds that quite funny, also Seattle the new world champions...?
Feigning relevance America...
LOL, Legends in their own mind...
Americans are brainwashed since childhood that it is OK to call a game where the players mostly handle the ball with hands as "football" (sounds better for commercialization, marketing and profits); ignoring that in real original football touching the ball with hands is against the rules.
Substitute "It's OK you can admit it" with "It's OK, it's football" and "Or Two Or Ten" with "World Champions"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM8L7bdwVaA
no, in 'real original football' getting the ball through the goal by any means necessary was allowed... feet, hands, or sticks (personally, I'd love to see them bring sticks back, that would be awesome)
love it when the candy ass associated football crowd starts running its mouth about 'real football'... whatever the hell that is
Here is an ancient Greek FOOTBALL player.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a2/Ancient_Greek_Footbal...
Do you see him using his hands an ignorant moron?
you're as dumb as you look, and that's saying something...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medieval_football
You are a real ignorant jerk. Ancient Greece was 10-20 centuries BEFORE Medieval period.
Ancient Greece is a period of the 8th to 6th centuries BC (Before Christ).
Medieval period, lasted from the 5th to the 15th century AD (Anno Domini [Nostri Jesu Christi]).
P.S. Fuck off stupid uneducated POS!
"Original" in English means existing from the beginning; first or earliest.
No one with a brain likes soccer because, as that Great Texan Dan Jenkins once wrote, "How can you trust a sport where they don't fall on a loose ball?"
Also, based on the anecodatal evidence directly above, soccer fans seem to be strident hysterical whiny pussies, (maybe they get it from watching their Heroes taking hugely dramatic & obviously fake flops every 10 seconds or so) so there's that, too.
Dude both football and soccer are for variants of the pussy gene, so please stop making it out like it's something different
Someone MUST do a video short with Manning promoting something, with a 55-gal drum of Vaseline in the background!
"Jimmy's Bounce House Emporium, Punching the Clown since 1983!"
Get a grip, man!
Is it any wonder that child-men, living through the antics of on-screen heroes they will never meet, then turn their flaccid attention to some pneumatic ho on their PC screen?
Here's a moron/collaborator test for you:
Q: Do you have cable TV?
A: Yes. - You are both a collaborator and a moron.
The History Of The Gold Market, Part 1
http://www.ingoldwetrust.ch/guest-post-gold-market-part-1
American football is nothing but a bunch of fat wankers.
His name was Tyler Durden.
And he did not source his content from TMZ
http://m.tmz.com/#Article/2014/02/03/broncos-fans-porn-super-bowl
According to PornHub.com, which we are told is a popular pornography website,...
C'mon, Tylers, 'fess up! WHO 'told' you that? Your sisters? Your mothers? SERIOUSLY...
I was told that cocaine use causes a temporary feeling of euphoria. Of course, I don't really 'know' that...
I am also told that using cocaine while linking to the PornHub.com website can cause one to abuse oneself in a most indiscriminate manner (especially if you happen to be a Broncos fan).
GREAT! NOW I'm gonna have to, um, tell my friend about the site!
Poor guy. I am (oops, I mean he is) a Broncos fan.
I wonder if he might need an eight-ball to go with it? Not that I know anyone who has any, of course...
(SARC) (PSYCHE!)
Say, Tylers, just between me and you, you don't happen to have a hyperlink, do you? My wife's out of town, you know...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNQlRseW2NA
And heads up their asses :(
The Seattle guys all had happy wives
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/12/study-a-winning-sports...
it seems the proud Broncos fans knew exactly what to do."
--or perhaps the wives.
Maybe they're happy (that could be the weed talking you know)...but, maybe grungers are just easier to please, eh?
Seahawks star Richard Sherman says they cracked Peyton Manning's hand signal code during the Super Bowl so they were able to predict every playOh the diverted gratification is so prevasive in this lapse of perfomance!!
.
displacement activity; faced with failure in something your "tribe" was supposed to do; do something you're pretty sure you can actually accomplish.
Sharp rise in Kleenex sales to be expected this week, and Tide for the towels.
"Honey? You're doing the laundry? You never do the laundry!?"
Back when I was a kid, during the daytime hours (when all the soap operas used to play endlessly, on the only three networks in existence), they always ran commercials extolling the virtues and abilities of a particular brand of laundry soap and its' ability to cut 'protein stains'. They never talked about normal stains, like grease, hair gel, makeup (in the case of the women), urine, or any other normal type of issue in getting the sheets clean...only PROTEIN stains.
I suggest buying Mounty (NO, not 'Bounty') paper towels. They're the quicker-dicker-picker-upper... If you try to wipe the unit or the recieving socket with a Kleenex, it seems to dissolve into a mass of congealed paper pulp (not that I would have any experience with this).
It was a small load, so I did it myself.
If the Super Bowl was a pageant, and the Broncos were a contestant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8SgWD967cA&feature=youtu.be
We are told .... riiiiiiight
No...I googled CHART porn....no....really I did....honest.....
The Broncos should have kept Tebow or that fat guy Jared Lorenzen:
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/jared-lorenzen-fat-fantastic-...
They could not have been any worse than Manning.
I thought you didn't own a TV, Freddie?
Holllywood and what not.
Oh, he was probably at the bar down the street ....
You know....
Discounts on cold ones. I went to a party. I watched very little of the stupid game. The people were very nice and were not libs as they all work for a living.
I know LOTS of libertarians that work for a living. In fact, every single one does.
OH, you meant 'libtards'...
They work too. Haven't you seen the Obama team yet?
Red, Blue! Blue, Red!
You look at these from your bed.
The differences you have been fed,
They plot the time when they might SHRED.
'I see fresh meat...FREDDIE? Where are you, my new darling pet? I promise, this grinder won't hurt you! Who did you vote for? Oh, WE agree,that Obama is such a LIB! Here, vote for Chris Christie next time! RON PAUL was SUCH a whack nut-job; what, with all that talk about the FEDERAL RESERVE CARTEL! WE have John Boener, to protect you now! Isn't that DELIGHTFUL? WE are SO GLAD you decided to PARTY with your like-minded friends! Tell us: Did you enjoy the advertisements?'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C09lJQ4Blks
FREDDIE: You are an unwilling participant in the devolution of the nation that you are a participant in. You are a mushroom. They have played your mind and soul like a bass fiddle. You still believe in the falsity of the 'left/right paradigm'. Your comment reflects your current thought process in this matter. This is not meant to be emotionally derogatory; it is simply a fact. You have surrounded yourself with the false promises; bolstered by those who claim to be 'close to you'. These times will be particularly hard for you, as you still fantasize about 'restoration' of the former glory of a nation which spiritually DIED several decades ago.
SORRY, everyone, I simply felt the need to make a statement. I truly feel sorry for those such as the poster 'Freddie', who personifies the 'glorious empire' of Nixon, Kissinger, Roosevelt, and the FEDERAL RESERVE types who fail to understand the gravity of the situation that is now unfolding.
I hope that the beers were cold, Freddie. What did you do when the PARTY ENDED, by the way?
I don't have a tv. There is a bar about 3/4 of a mile away. I went there, had four beers. there was all kinds of free food out and about so did not have to buy anything to eat. What a horrible spectacle that "game" was. Big waste of time. No competition for Seattle at all. They might as well have been playing a bunch of untalented kids. That's what it looked like.
Not to mention, who would want Tim Tebow taking snaps, unless it was the Super-Church Bowl Flag Football game between Lakewood and Second Baptist in Houston....
Where's DeNiro when you need him? Apparently, it wasn't just the Broncos who blew it.
...you talking to Pacino? YOU TALKING TO PACINO???
So after half time many Seattle fans were comfortable with their team's performance & got back to business?
"which we are told is a popular pornography website"
c'mon, don't play coy, you knew all about that website.
And now "Punching the Clown" takes on new meaning...
Lots o' babies expected to be born in 9 months.
We're doomed.
Nah... we just need Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday night and Saturday evening games, 24 wild cards drawn for the playoffs, a re-institution of the other 2 leagues with an additional 44 teams chartered and chili dogs piped right into yer home.
Man...
That'd probably torpedo CNBC viewership.
BTW, are we here on the Hedge the only people who even watch CNBS anymore so we have somebody to ridicule, demean, diminish and look down upon, justifiably?
(psssssst... y'all in the program will probably figure that there is a justifiable demeaning in this case... )
OMAHA....OMAHA OMAHA......oooooooooooooooo shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit......
I had expected a jump in pot consumption.
From one distraction to the next. What more do you expect from "Mercans?
Let's see porn..... Downton Abbey , porn .....Downton Abbey.... Choices choices.
Wife to me: you'll watch Downton Abbey.
The couple who own Highclere Castle have nice Labradors. The wanker actors/actresses on the show started bringing their own dogs to the set. Probably BBC type lefties and friends of vile Ed Milliband and Ed Balls. Balls brothers is a bond trader at Pimco. Scum.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2020601/Downton-Abbeys-war-...
"Dammit honey, the midget show is about to begin!"
"While Payton may not have been able to take the game into his hands in the 2nd half, it seems the proud Broncos fans knew exactly what to do."
The last sentence should really read:'.......The proud Broncos fans knew exactly what to take into their hands.'
But did they, like the Broncos, come up short?
And in the "I learn something new everyday" category, for better or worse, I now know what a "happy tissue" is...
I would have too...but I was too drunk...Whiskey Dick....
I'm a Bears fan. Happy tissues for years now.
A Bears fan? You've used more than your share of happy tissues since 1985.
3 different occasions @ 2 different high school jobs, I got to assist Walter Payton and his family.
Truly humble, kind, and classy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxIRJp14_cM
I always liked Walter Payton. He was a good man.
GO HAWKS ! GO COUGS !
Colorado legalizes dope.
Broncos played like they waked and baked on game day.
Coincidence?
I rubbed one off at halftime. I just couldn't take the suspense.
The New Ballgame Rocky Mountain High: Beef Jerkey
cheetoz +420 ftw
It's nice to see that by 1am Bronco fans and Seahawk fans...umm...came together at last!
How Broncos Fans Took The Super Bowl Loss Into Their Own Hand
Fixed
Guess the pornhub user. It goes 9am straight up with a bump at noon and then it goes straight back to zero at 5pm. Monday through Friday only.
Roach clip?
We watch PornHub very, very closely. You can never be to careful about terrorists using such a site to organize and plan their next move. We have agents watching PornHub around the clock, over and over and over until they are exhausted. And, they are paid a lot of overtime for the hard work.
LOL, "hard work" being the operative phrase, at least for two-and-a-half minutes.
Never let a hard on go to waste.
After a loss like that, it helps you sleep better.
Master of your own domain doesn't work - it was scientifically proven on a TV show.
Wonder about Porn Hub stats from D.C.? Probably real busy from 9 to 5!
The Ickey Shuffle was just replaced with the Five Knuckle Shuffle.