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"These Young Bankers Are Trying To Save The World"

Tyler Durden's picture


Who says the only thing bankers are good at is relying on (then blaming) S&P and Moody's research reports to justify their investments in worthless toxic subprime, then levering up beyond all known limits and putting on unbelievably risky trades in hopes of striking it rich or blowing up and getting bailed out by taxpayers. According to Bloomberg...

Huh? Bloomberg, luckily, explains.

The founders of the Resolution Project don’t dwell on generosity or charity when they describe why their nonprofit mentors and funds young leaders. They favor the language of finance. “We get good yield,” said Andrew Harris, the group’s 31-year-old vice chairman, who advises private-equity firms at Forum Capital Partners in New York. “We think it’s very different and, to use a Wall Street term, very differentiated.”


Without deserting careers, a new wave of young bankers is starting nonprofits to help orphans, immigrants, veterans and students. They say they’re moved to mend the world using capitalism’s wisdom, not because of its shortcomings, preaching the power of dividends, due diligence, leverage and efficient allocation of resources. Some see themselves setting a new mold for post-crisis Wall Street philanthropy by not waiting to give away their money or leaving for full-time charity work.


Among this generation -- our generation -- is a deep passion and interest in learning, earning and returning simultaneously,” said Andrew Klaber, 32, an analyst at hedge fund Paulson & Co. whose nonprofit Even Ground provides education and care to African children affected by AIDS. “You just see an unmet need in your research, and research is what we do on Wall Street.”

Uhm, what? Some pearls of explanation.

“I’m a starter of things,” said Oliver Libby, another co-founder of the Resolution Project, which will hold competitions for student social ventures at the United Nations Youth Assembly this month and the Clinton Global Initiative University in Phoenix in March. “I just have fun with it. So there’s a certain aspect of me that just is like, yeah, sure, let’s get that started, let’s go.”



“I’ve never run a hedge fund, and they’ve never run a not-for-profit,” said Lublin, 42, now chief executive officer of Do Something, an organization that runs national campaigns about bullying, the environment and other causes to engage teenagers. “I brush my teeth every day, twice a day, that doesn’t mean I’m ready to perform a root canal on somebody.”



“There’s been a cultural humility that’s come out of the financial crisis,” said Tim Kleiman, 30, an analyst for New York-based asset manager Golub Capital. He’s working on a project to fund higher education in Africa that may aim for profit. “When you’re confronted with these really humbling events, where you see the meltdown of these systems and the sad human costs of that -- that were not necessarily the result of anyone’s intention -- for me it galvanized my thinking.”


Kleiman, a Yale University graduate who worked for McKinsey & Co. and hedge fund D.E. Shaw & Co. before Golub, said he doesn’t want to wait for his career to hit its high point before undertaking meaningful projects.


That world that I’m imagining, where I’m a partner and I’ve made all my money, who knows what that world’s going to look like?” he said. “So why not try something now?”

Truly an utopia. As for this fluff piece: there are some things money can't buy, for everything else there is Bloomberg PR.

Then again even the Catholic Church has a name for this: indulgence.

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Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:00 | 4399997 unrulian
unrulian's picture

What a bunch of Dorks

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:04 | 4400021 InjectTheVenom
InjectTheVenom's picture

This story shoulda been posted as "Tuesday Humor" ....

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:11 | 4400041 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

If they want to help - they can start by copying the material on the C:/ drive to a floppy...and create the mutiny.


Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:14 | 4400055 Stackers
Stackers's picture

“There’s been a cultural humility that’s come out of the financial crisis,” said Tim Kleiman, 30,



Mr Dimon just oozes humility these days

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:27 | 4400121 rehypothecator
rehypothecator's picture

What has happened in the world that could possibly require it to be saved?  The fiancial crisis?  Brought by bankers.  "A problem cannot be solved by the same minds that caused it." -Einstein 

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:46 | 4400152 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

I can tell just from a glance of the picture that all four of these next gen Zionist fucks are really just "Trying to STEAL from the world"

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:19 | 4400325 CH1
CH1's picture

So, you're saying, "they look like Jews, and are therefore thieves." Yes?

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:35 | 4400375 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Just look at the two in the middle...they wreak of Joo-ness, one is like a nerdy Zuckerberg and the other is like that fat guy from seinfeld....not sure about the other two but their names are pretty Joo also...Lublin, Kleinman, Libby....not sure about Harris.

I can sniff out a zionist with ease now...makes it easier for me to spot evildoers

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:43 | 4400426 666
666's picture

They don't need to save the world because a certain well known banker is just doing God's work.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 13:15 | 4400543 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Please tell me this 'article' is a bloomberg / onion crosspost... That people this idiotic are given prime time on bloomberg is a bit much.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 13:13 | 4400536 CH1
CH1's picture

they wreak of Joo-ness

I figured, another hate troll.

Tell your bosses to go fuck themselves. And really, can't you find something less demeaning to do?

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 16:28 | 4401316 TuPhat
TuPhat's picture

I thought I had seen them before on "The Office".

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 14:26 | 4400804 MeBizarro
MeBizarro's picture

You know they are Jewish how exactly?  The racist/anti-semitic crowd on here is always sizable. 

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 15:32 | 4401054 Don Diego
Don Diego's picture

We know by the looks and last names.....the only non-Jew is the dork on the left.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 19:21 | 4401937 CH1
CH1's picture

The racist/anti-semitic crowd on here is always sizable.

A lot of it is sock puppets, or even bots.

Their goals are to pollute this place and to get us to waste our energy on their bullshit.

Entropy fucking incarnate.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:09 | 4400291 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

One measure of just how bad it has gotten in the banking industry is when stories like this are trotted out.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:34 | 4400149 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

kill them all...


Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:44 | 4400204 pods
pods's picture

They could really help the world by jumping off the nearest tall building.

Talk about hubris.  Steal the lives of the common man and then repay them by stealing their humility?

Disembowel them.  

I know how these pompous fucks can help the poor.  Take that nickel plated 9mm and put one through the roof of your mouth.

They can take our money (for a while longer) but that don't mean I am going to thank them for it.


Tue, 02/04/2014 - 17:52 | 4401688 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


They could really help the world by jumping off the nearest tall building.

Let's not be too hasty. If they really, truly want to help the world, they should encourage more of their peers to join the trend and take the final exit.

Then they can jump off the nearest tall building.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:12 | 4400300 ali-ali-al-qomfri
ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

Apoptotic Bankers



Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:52 | 4400237 aVileRat
aVileRat's picture

Stopped reading at 31 year old Vice Chairman.

Early on in your career you learn to recognize those who are true hard workers & marked for entrepenural/corporate success and the pretenders. Pretenders will try to pump their profile’s to offset deal flow weakness with gaudy charity & civic activity. Placing your latest venture in the WSJ/Vanity Fair page 6 is old hat.

Plenty of real charities with full transparency who actually reinvest in the communities in America. This is definitly at first blush (all 10 seconds) not one of them.






Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:15 | 4400060 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

All jew?

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:24 | 4400111 nuclearsquid
nuclearsquid's picture

saving the world.  one $750k bonus at a time.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:50 | 4400231 PT
PT's picture

Give 'em a billion each.  Then give me a billion.  Check back in ten years time to see who did the most good.  Can't say I'd make a profit.  Can't say the money would last very long.  But I'd keep a few engineers employed for a little while and they would enjoy coming to work.  Who knows?  We might get lucky.  Couldn't do any worse ...

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:26 | 4400118 superflex
superflex's picture

Two Ginger Jews?  Not likely

The big boy probably.  The little weasley fuck.  I dunno.

All will be ripe targets come the reckoning.


Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:54 | 4400246 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

They'll have their flight out to daddy's secret pad in Europe with their friends before anyone bats an eyelid. When you have an entire world to hide in, and the flying metal deathtrap resources available to immediately facilitate it, you face no reprecussions.

When the 'reckoning' comes, the ones supposed to be guillotined will have long left.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:54 | 4400463 imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

A few will stay behind to direct the "reckoning" and the guillotining.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 16:48 | 4401401 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

Yep, and the plebes will be left behind to fight amongst each other.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:32 | 4400139 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Libby and Klein are.  Don't know about the other two.  Again it's ok because at least they're disproportionately represented in the banking arena, and to mention such makes you all sorts of nasty things.

Save the world....they're just trying to line their pockets. /

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 15:08 | 4400974 Rafferty
Rafferty's picture

Old Polish proverb:  A Jew cries out in pain as he strikes you.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:14 | 4400063 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture


Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:42 | 4400196 PT
PT's picture

Yeah, maybe he shoulda sed "several floppies", or "memory stick" or "external hard drive".
You get that. 

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:15 | 4400057 nuclearsquid
nuclearsquid's picture

sadly this is a direct extension of the feel-good bullshit taugh at today's high-priced, marquee 'international' MBA programs.


Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:07 | 4400026 Sparky_ZA
Sparky_ZA's picture

Personally I think douche sounds better

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:07 | 4400029 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

To use a terrible linguistic americanism, terrible....irregardless, you have to cut them some slack. 

Then again, nothing is as it seems. 

The Clinton GLobal what....ugh...that pair, freaky association. As bad as the gates foundation.

The United Nations.....double ugh....

Already the slack is getting tight....

Basically, same pile of dogpoo. Kind of like th eCLinton-Bush Haiti fund....

Freaking sub-humans....



Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:23 | 4400110 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

nice shot, v & p.   beautiful composition.

that's a print right there

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:43 | 4400202 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Gracias tip.e :-)

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:08 | 4400043 Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

Bateman, we said RED tie.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:54 | 4400245 The Dunce
The Dunce's picture

If these are the assholes who are gonna save the world, then we're all completely fucked.  Word to your mother.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:19 | 4400322 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

unrulian said:  "What a bunch of Dorks"

Yes, and I would add:  "What a bunch of hyenas."

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 13:30 | 4400595 Freddie
Freddie's picture

If they really want to save the world they should stick their heads into a noose of boiled rope hanging from a lamp post or into a guilotine.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 14:32 | 4400830 Blano
Blano's picture

Clinton Global Initiative University?

Good God we are so screwed.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 15:06 | 4400965 MeBizarro
MeBizarro's picture

And so what?  Actually a lot of hedge fund guys I know are ex-lacross players (including a cousin) and are quite athletic still.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:00 | 4399998 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

Saving the world, one money exchange at a time. God bless you money changers.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:02 | 4400013 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Don't worry, be happy.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:18 | 4400072 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

If you can't be happy, take drugs. (hey, that's not my idea)

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:27 | 4400122 tip e. canoe
Tue, 02/04/2014 - 14:53 | 4400920 Blano
Blano's picture

I cancelled my cable TV today, so I guess it's time for a beer run.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:00 | 4400000 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Salvation through banking.

Good one.

Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:00 | 4400002 Newsboy
Newsboy's picture

These aren't the dead guys, right?

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