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Thursday Humor - Friday Jobs Preview

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Let's hope not...

 

 

Source: Investors.com

 

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Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:50 | 4410204 401K of Dooom
401K of Dooom's picture

Is it ok to now say "It's Obama's fault!"

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:53 | 4410215 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Well it's clearly not:

Bush's Fault

Clinton's Fault

Bush's Fault

Reagan's Fault

Carter's Fault

Ford's Fault

Nixon's Fault

...

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:54 | 4410234 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Really?  Because I blame all of those assholes.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:18 | 4410303 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

I blame Woodrow Wilson.

"A great industrial nation is controlled by its system of credit. Our system of credit is privately concentrated. The growth of the nation, therefore, and all our activities are in the hands of a few men"
The New Freedom - Woodrow Wilson

Sorry Woody.
To late to sanitize your legacy.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 23:12 | 4410465 macholatte
macholatte's picture

and all our activities are in the hands of a few men"

 

....and what was the rest of the sentence?

a.  you idiots are so really screwed

b.  better be glad it's not a real democracy

c    you have already beed reamed hard and don't even know it

d.  Brahahahahaha

 

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 23:39 | 4410546 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Isn't "assholes" a bit too nice.

I would say cocksuckers, but that just might be me.

 

"Contest this weekend. How many guillotines can be stuffed into a Volkswagen bug. Come one, come all and bring your guillotine."

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 04:42 | 4410909 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

You all voted for them and what about the next president?

Hillary?

Most probably...

If people vote for them and refuse to look to a third party, it's their fault and not the idiot who got elected.

Sure it's hard. In my country, we'll have elections in May... and believe me, I've been reading all the agenda's of all our political parties. 9 in total. And they all want to raise taxes indirect and direct.

None of them is cutting expenses.

So... my country is going even deeper down the shitter.

I'm fine with that, that's why I've pulled all my money out and I'm my own bank.

 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 06:18 | 4410949 -NaN-
-NaN-'s picture

Johnsons War on Poverty was the primer

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:02 | 4410261 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I blame leprechauns........... Creepy little bastards.

And they're always after me lucky charms.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:06 | 4410292 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

IT WASN'T ME!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv8UFlfiFqc

Well, it was fuckin' one o' yahs...

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 23:41 | 4410500 Swarmee
Swarmee's picture

What's the common thread? Slope of national debt is positive for all of the above. Two party system wins, citizens lose. Period.

Do the research, doesn't matter which combination of repub/dem controlled any of the houses, debt increased under all of them. Slight decrease in the 90s but otherwise they take turns buying power with the money of the unborn, that's the deal, red/blue take turns, everyone else pays.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 00:12 | 4410622 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

Lincoln and Wilson's fault mainly, but that's just me. All the one you mentioned were just tools by that time.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 09:06 | 4411090 Woodhippie
Woodhippie's picture

Yes, actually.  It is their fault also.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:39 | 4410396 Smiley
Smiley's picture

His new name should be President Everyonesfautlbutmine.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 00:43 | 4410678 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

Thank you very much to the arrogant, narcissistic,  lying, illegal alien muslim POS living its grand imperial lifestyle off the backs of the tax paying serfs and peasants of current and future generations, 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 05:32 | 4410928 The.Harmless.Who
The.Harmless.Who's picture

 

 

Hey asshole, don't let the facts get in the way of your twisted theory.... 

 

http://henrymakow.com/upload_images/obama-jew-e1316447557672.jpg

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:50 | 4410210 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

For a minute there I thought it was a picture of the Bernank's funny money. Upon closer inspection I see that I'm right.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:50 | 4410211 401K of Dooom
401K of Dooom's picture

AAAAggghhhhhh!  I can't believe it but I was the first to post this time.  May be it's time to purchase a Powerball ticket now?

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:58 | 4410249 Occams_Chainsaw
Occams_Chainsaw's picture

Send me $5 in bitcoin and I'll add you to our office pool.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:06 | 4410286 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

That's 0.006410256 bitcoins. You can't even see that small!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 02:56 | 4410838 pavman
pavman's picture

Wait. I think I see some over there in the corner.... err nope, nm, that's Ron Paul Coin ...drat, that's not even worth a Continental.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:58 | 4410259 Midas
Midas's picture

No, you have already used up all of your luck.  Now you must buy stock in a junior gold mining company.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:54 | 4410221 surf0766
surf0766's picture

Dear Leader can never be faulted.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:59 | 4410245 Ol Man
Ol Man's picture

But maybe defaulted...     8>D

 

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:52 | 4410224 Tasty Sandwich
Tasty Sandwich's picture

So, will a bad print (below expectations) be good for the "markets", indicating a likely un-taper?  Or, is it too soon to start thinking about that?

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:57 | 4410244 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

The Fed has been pursuing a weak dollar policy; I expect a weak dollar policy to continue.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:03 | 4410271 Tasty Sandwich
Tasty Sandwich's picture

Of course, but at some point I expect an expansion of official QE (perhaps with a different name though).

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:07 | 4410290 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

To my knowledge the Fed hasn't began the "Taper".

Central Banks are so fucked unless we pull cash out of unallocated accounts, stocks, and bonds and invest the cash in gold and silver [cough cough].

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:11 | 4410313 Tasty Sandwich
Tasty Sandwich's picture

I'm sure there's all kinds of nonsense going on behind the scenes.

But, when will Chuckie Schumer or the like come out and tell Yellen to "get to work"?  lol

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:54 | 4410420 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

The answer to your question lies in the form of a question:  When will the Boomers panic?  When will Schumer justify those remarks?  

I think it happens when the DJ breaks 14k.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 23:17 | 4410422 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

PS fuck Ben Bernanke.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:56 | 4410248 knukles
knukles's picture

Don't think about it.  Just let it happen.  Like trying to argue with idiots and reaping migraines.

Just think.  You could be caught in Sochi for 2 weeks.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:02 | 4410269 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

They're going up either way.  That's the plan.  Until it isn't.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:04 | 4410275 Tasty Sandwich
Tasty Sandwich's picture

I suspect when this thing ends, it will be the end of the markets as we know them anyway.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:09 | 4410307 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

The 'markets' left in 1971.  You're witnessing the final act.  We've been watching the prologue for 40 years.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:56 | 4410235 Moe Hamhead
Moe Hamhead's picture

The entire 99% is in nexum.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:56 | 4410236 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I just got my Obama 2016 stickers!  Forward!

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:02 | 4410276 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Obama 1 - fail. Obama 2 - fail. Let's skip Obama4eva and go straight to the taper.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:05 | 4410283 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Funny.  Mine said... Obama 2016 !SIEG!  

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:55 | 4410238 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

U-6 bitchez.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:16 | 4410327 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

The two predecessors, both named U-6, are now apparently either sitting in the bottom of the ocean, or have been long-ago scrapped.

http://www.wrecksite.eu/wreck.aspx?1575

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_submarine_U-6_%281935%29

Appropriate name for the sinking unemployment numbers, huh?

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:56 | 4410243 ejmoosa
ejmoosa's picture

Let's hope so.  Because any success will be viewed as a sign we are on the right track.  And we know that we are not.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 21:59 | 4410264 tongue.stan
tongue.stan's picture

Pink? Isn't that Oblowjob's favorite color?

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:17 | 4410328 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

PINK! It's the new BLUE!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 07:34 | 4410998 Bohm Squad
Bohm Squad's picture

Pink, it's red but not quite...

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:00 | 4410267 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I don't want to route against my country, but I'd really like to see a negative print tomorrow to help expose reality to the masses so we can get on with fixing things.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:06 | 4410281 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Go ahead and root, it's not your country any longer. The oligarchs stole it out from under us.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:07 | 4410299 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I love my country. It's the fuckers running it that I can't stand.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:14 | 4410322 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I share the same sentiment.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:05 | 4410280 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

As long as the pink slips are for every public taker in towns, county and states .....

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:11 | 4410309 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Even they are falling off the unemployment rolls.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:07 | 4410301 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

Scorpions - Wind Of Change [subtitulado]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qhjuOEUbo4 (4:43)

 

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:29 | 4410361 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

It's an appropriate song, and excellent in taste, for you to post.

Unfortunately, these calming winds in the posted song are the fortelling of 'LA TORMENTA'; a storm of horrific proportions.

A living body's skin is pink, freshly spilled blood is red, clotting, dried dried blood is crimson, and a dead economy's decaying body soon turns BLACK. (Damn, that's 'ray-ciss'!)

Obama - National Anthem (Russian subtitles):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l46t_nrySg4

One of my ex-wives had a pink slip (that she liked to wear to bed). I didn't fire her, though. She decided to fire me. Best thing that ever happened to me...

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 23:08 | 4410461 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Well, Goldy, the tweakers down-arrowed both YOU and ME here.

It is unfortunate that some cannot handle simple facts, and instead to 'downarrow' without reasonable cause (or stand up to the facts that are now staring them in the face).

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 00:04 | 4410593 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

As on other message boards during the last 5 days, there are many new names on here and they work in unison.  There was said to be new owners of ZH.  Maybe that is it because the tone of the site has changed to one of tolerance and acceptance, just like a person contemplating suicide.  Repulsive in a Fight club setting is resignation to the present day situation. 

 

As a species that has evolved, this is not the first time we have ended up here and will not be the last.  but the fight to survive is required.  This is insanity.  Insanity is unsustainable.  The elitists set on creating this exclusive club to run the world, them, without a vote, is a ticket for disaster.  Their silencing the masses through oppression will drown ideas that could change the way we live, from surviving a nuclear disaster to how to survive an asteroid impact.  A human being is more than an eater and producer/consumer of goods; he has ideas and one of those ideas gave us the vaccine for polio, among a million other discoveries.

If it is true that there is a nuclear arsenal designed to be used if a particular forieign policy is interferred with may be the explanation, along with tactical maneuvers one would find psychopaths who have obsessed compulsively of Ruling The World, that being their one and only goal, to be supreme rulers who never face opposition or the threat of competition (replaced). 

 

(apologies for typoes - New Windows8 computer - and the keyboard appears to have other plans when I type; the mouse appears to come alive and I find my typing not registering or I am now in the middle of a sentence in another paragraph.  Very poor design.  It a HP Pavilion.

 

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:27 | 4410353 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Full-time good paying jobs already left. Now Full-time lousy jobs are being dumped for part time jobs. SHTF still hasn't even happened yet. 

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:47 | 4410403 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Emergency U.S. government funding ends tomorrow. Jack Jew (OOPS, I mean, LEW!) has stated that about 3 weeks of accounting tricks could be fenagled. WELL, he also said that the economy was getting better, and that unemployment numbers are dropping, so I don't put too much faith in THIS schill. As a non-participant, I heard a story about the fact that TAX REFUNDS were being 'temporarily delayed' by Treasury, as well.

Its like this analogy: You see the enemy take a bead on you from a long distance. Standing still, like a deer in the headlights, you see the muzzle flash from his weapon. Since you have not yet been hit, you assume that the SHIT has NOT hit the FAN. Funny, a second later (after the bullet enters you and rips through your body), you realize that you should have ducked. By then, it is too late to do anything, and you fall down, bleeding out rapidly.

SERIOUSLY: Do you REALLY think that the sudden and insurmountable drop will be able to be defended against, with some type of 'SHTF' 'warning' (like a 'last call for alcohol' at the bar)? The cliff will have already been breached, and all the looking for 'signs' will be overcome by the force of GRAVITY (think WTC7 here...you cannot change the laws of physics, or in this case, mathematics).

Your statement and post might have been prescient BEFORE Nixon/Kissinger made the trip to CHINA, and CONGRESS had not yet rallied in support for the WTO's position on Most Favored Nation status for this totalitarian communistic oligarchical fascist regieme, but NOW...

You are simply pissing in to the wind.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 22:33 | 4410383 Digital Disasters
Digital Disasters's picture

I got one monday. I'm still not joining the fsa.

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 23:00 | 4410442 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

That's sad to hear. I am deeply sorry for your loss.

In your estimation, how much time do you have, before you are destitute?

I would suggest the following steps:

TURN OFF ALL CABLE DEVICES, BROADCAST SUBSRIPTIONS, AND 'CABLE' SERVICE. CANCEL ALL UNNECESSARY TRIPS. PAY OFF AND STOP ALL LAND-LINE PHONE SERVICE. TURN THERMOSTATS DOWN TO 50 DEGREES. IMMEDIATELY APPLY FOR ENEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS WITH NO DELAY (get them while you still can). MAKE NO MORE PURCHASES WITH CREDIT. SELL ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN, AND DO NOT RECORD THE SALES OR PUT ANY CURRENCY IN TO BANKS. ALLOW ALL CREDIT ACCOUNTS (except for utilities) TO GO UNPAID (they really CANNOT get blood from a turnip!). LOOK FOR ALTERNATE HOUSING, AND DO NOT DELAY.

A RAPID and UNCOMFORTABLE change in your lifestyle awaits you.

It is MUCH like a 'SHTF' moment.

If the best happens, and you gain re-employment, then this will be like a 'learning experience', and you can teach this moment to your grandchildren.

ALWAYS ASSUME THAT THE WORST OUTCOME WILL (WILL!) TAKE PLACE.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 10:34 | 4411527 Digital Disasters
Digital Disasters's picture

'In your estimation, how much time do you have, before you are destitute?'

I think I'm not going to have a problem for some time (approx 9months) My Family and I have had our home paid for and we have no cable or credit cards. We have been taking advice from the smartest bloggers on the internet here at zh. Thank you for your concern!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 11:57 | 4411778 WhyWait
WhyWait's picture

My advice: cut the expenses, but keep your high speed internet and keep paying the bills and NO TIME-CONSUMING CHANGES YET!  THROW YOURSELF INTO JOB SEARCH, NOW! 

Your best shot at another appropriate job is right now, during your first three months!  Discrimination against job seekers who've been out of work too long or have bad credit scores is rampant, so you can't afford to delay! Even a week off to regroup is dangerous.  You've got an adrenaline rush now.  Ride it.  You can afford no distractions.  Some people are going to get hired for good jobs, so don't give up yet! It's a better bet than Megabucks anyway.

WORK ALL YOUR NETWORKS HARD, by phone and email, for a job just like the one you lost.  No one wants to waste money on training.  They want to hire you, spend a few days brainwashing you and fitting you into the pecking order, show you how to find the lavatory and turn you loose.  There's always a chance.  Give it a month. .

GET SOMEONE TO BRAINSTORM WITH YOU.  Create perfect new jobs for yourself that draw on bits and pieces of what you've done.  Figure out who might need such a job, but maybe doesn't know it yet.  Then go and sell it to them. PHONE CALLS. GIVE THAT MAYBE THREE MONTHS. 

Try to keep online applications down to a few hours a day, mostly followup. SENDING OUT BLIZZARDS OF RESUMES IS A WASTE OF TIME IN THIS MARKET, and will only leave you more and more depressed.

SET A DATE, MAYBE 4 or 5 MONTHS OUT, FOR CALLING IT QUITS ON THAT!  Plan it ahead.  Give it a name, like "SHTF DAY", and put it on your calendar.  Invite all your friends, tell each other job search stories, do a lot of laughing of the "laughing just to keep from crying" kind. 

THEN FOLLOW MONTGOMERY SCOTT'S ADVICE, knowing you gave it your best shot.  FEITCTAJ.

..........

One last thing.  Five years into the Great Depression of the 1930's there were literally thousands of Unemployed Councils in four national alliances across the country, raising hell and scaring the bejeezus out of the robber barons.  One report had the number of actual members of these councils at 875,000 in 1936, in every city, most factory towns, and in places by neighborhood and even the block level.

Today we have maybe four unemployed councils - Philadelphia, Dayton and a few others.  There are many groups advocting for the unemployed, but they aren't groups OF the unemployed.   

We clearly need a voice.  We need to get organized.  

You don't have time to do it right now. You need to put everything into finding that next job.  But maybe you could think about  putting it on your calendar as your next project if you haven't found one in four months.  Somethoing you could announce at your SHTF party! 

 

 

 

 

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 02:43 | 4414573 Redhotfill
Redhotfill's picture

Hey DONT HATE ON MEGABUCKS!

Thu, 02/06/2014 - 23:02 | 4410445 IPA
IPA's picture

"Our generation doesn't go out and get jobs and sit around waiting to die, fuck that, we go out and make our jobs" best advice from a now former Co worker and friend. 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 01:26 | 4410760 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

You mean let's hope so....

....if those are government cheese jobs

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 02:58 | 4410836 pavman
pavman's picture

That's 0.006410256 bitcoins. You can't even see that small!

Wait. I think I see some over there in the corner.... err nope, nm, that's Ron Paul Coin ...drat, that's not even worth a Continental.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 03:00 | 4410846 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

Fuck you Barry - it's your fault and it always has been.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!