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4th Financial Services Executive Found Dead; "From Self-Inflicted Nail-Gun Wounds"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The ugly rash of financial services executive suicides appears to have spread once again. Following the jumping deaths of 2 London bankers and a former-Fed economist in the US, The Denver Post reports Richard Talley, founder and CEO of American Title, was found dead in his home from self-inflicted wounds - from a nail-gun. Talley's company was under investigation from insurance regulators.

 

Via The Denver Post,

Richard Talley, 57, and the company he founded in 2001 were under investigation by state insurance regulators at the time of his death late Tuesday, an agency spokesman confirmed Thursday.

 

It was unclear how long the investigation had been ongoing or its primary focus.

 

A coroner's spokeswoman Thursday said Talley was found in his garage by a family member who called authorities. They said Talley died from seven or eight self-inflicted wounds from a nail gun fired into his torso and head.

 

Also unclear is whether Talley's suicide was related to the investigation by the Colorado Division of Insurance, which regulates title companies.

 

...

 

 

A checkered past?

Before coming to Colorado, Talley was a former regional financial officer at Drexel Burnham Lambert in Chicago, where he met his wife, Cheryl, a vice president at the company. The two married in 1989.

 

Talley had formed a number of companies, some now defunct, according to the Colorado secretary of state's office. Among them: American Escrow, Clear Title, Clear Creek Financial Holdings, Swift Basin, Sumar, American Real Estate Services, and the American Alliance of Real Estate Professionals.

 

It would appear, unfortunately, that Mr. Talley was not an entirely honest man...

Talley's 1989 wedding announcement in the Chicago Tribune noted he was "a member of the 1980 U.S. Olympic swimming team."

 

A spokeswoman for USA Swimming on Thursday said Talley was not on the team.

 

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Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:02 | 4413282 Stuart
Stuart's picture

Only 10,000 left to go....

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:04 | 4413285 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Jump motha fuckas!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:05 | 4413292 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Roll the nail gun assembly lines.  [sorry LawsofPhysics -- paraphrasing]

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:05 | 4413304 fonestar
fonestar's picture

V's reports on Wall Street hit squads are looking more and more credible by the day.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:08 | 4413309 HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

Hellraiser!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:10 | 4413327 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

This is the kind of crap that Americans would read about having happened in another country and then laugh about that country...

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:15 | 4413353 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

maybe he had brainfreeze? Being cold and all...

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:21 | 4413377 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Wonder how many nails?

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:22 | 4413381 flacon
flacon's picture

If only the dead could speak...

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:22 | 4413388 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

In Russia, many is suicide by two rifle shot in back of head. What is so big deal!?

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:30 | 4413415 whatthecurtains
whatthecurtains's picture

Or from poisoning your tea with Polonium 210

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:43 | 4413476 dryam
dryam's picture

7-8 nail gun wounds?!  Seriously?  You have to be shitting me.  That was not a suicide.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:49 | 4413518 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Thanks, Columbo.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:53 | 4413530 Sweet Chicken
Sweet Chicken's picture

LMAO

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:59 | 4413556 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

I am not making a specific comment about the character of the deceased, as I did not know him and feel that that would be in poor taste, but committing suicide by nail gun is nothing short of truly, staggeringly bizarre.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:09 | 4413608 Sofa King Confused
Sofa King Confused's picture

sounds like a scene out of Lethal Weapon

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:16 | 4413635 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Lethal Weapon:  The Last Temptation

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:18 | 4413647 Muddy1
Muddy1's picture

@TeamDepends,

What a title!  You've nailed it!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:30 | 4413693 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"You've nailed it!"

lol...I knew someone would work that one in.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:34 | 4413699 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

It would appear that Bankers are under a-tack...If his name was Brad I could buy the story but the suicide theory does not appear to be nailed down yet.

And really, 'Dick Talley'...what a wanker.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:40 | 4413715 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I think you hammered em all in there krispy.

No clawbacks ;-)

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:47 | 4413743 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

This is definitely introducing a lot of uncertainty in the lives of banksters/finansters.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:53 | 4413772 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I'm thinking, common financial crook, resume' padder and anti-gunner, under investigation for his past deeds. Offed himself with a nail gun cuz he didn't want to pollute the planet anymore by running a hose from his exhaust pipe.

Course, I could be wrong ;-)

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:13 | 4413835 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

having nailed three fingers together one cool autumn day, i can assure those interested, it doesnt hurt going in, but just give it about five seconds

eight nails pretty quick and maybe you'd be done in before it really hurt

maybe

course i think making that set of shots even oswald couldnt do

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:31 | 4413902 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

"He's a g-damn menace with an air nail gun" ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwGrC0KicSo

Regards,

Cooter

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 11:23 | 4414863 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Hmmmm, Lets See...
FIRST He Fired The Fatal Shot, And Then He
Shot himself Another 7 Times Just To Make
Sure He Was Dead...

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 15:45 | 4415428 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

Banksters have the most exciting deaths!

 

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 18:27 | 4415805 The Limerick King
The Limerick King's picture

 

 

Banksters are dropping like flies

It's "tragic" each time that one dies

While most of them "fall"

The best one of all

The nail gun that took him 8 tries

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:05 | 4414001 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

The story isn't credible because a banker would have no clue how to hook up a nail gun.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:03 | 4414275 Four chan
Four chan's picture

lol damn straight papa

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:12 | 4414300 tmosley
tmosley's picture

Nah, he just stole it from someone all ready to go.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:12 | 4414304 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Agreed.

Like the scene from 'Trading Places', where the character played by jamie Lee Curtis asks to see the hands of the character played by Dan Aykroyd; and observes that his hands are soft like a girl's (and well manicured as well); this particular pretty-boi investment baknster (picture taken when in his early 30's/late 20's) wouldn't know the difference between a nail gun and a hammer.

Of all the ways to commit suicide, death by NAIL GUN is right down on the bottom of the list (never mind the previous commenter who states that stapling oneself with nails doesn't hurt for 'about five seconds'. This obvious trollista has never had a nail droiven in to his body to speak of the experience).

A truly rich M.F.-er with means to purchase pharmecuticals would have chosen a less PAINFUL way (ESPECIALLY a pretty boy like this guy). SAY, WHERE were the nails driven in to this victim's body, anyway? Anyone out there see a report on it?

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:38 | 4414344 clymer
clymer's picture

I'd like to see the fuckers use a screw gun on one of these bankers and have the yokels rule it a suicide

that would be bizarre. Almost as bizarre as a former HUD, insurance exec with a nail gun. WTF - did the guy just happen to get the urge to be a do-it-yourself-er and run out to home depot for a porter-cable pancake compressor, 20' of pneumatic hose and a Hitachi framing gun (had to be hitachi – the Bostich makes you force the safety every pull – and the the paslode cordless take too damn long to recharge)

http://www.2spare.com/_media/imgs/articles/a29_sixnails.jpg

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:44 | 4414360 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

@ CLYMER:

YIDDISH, much?

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:50 | 4414367 clymer
clymer's picture

blame Sacrilege

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:01 | 4414390 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

Note to Home Depot sales associates..... if any bankers show up asking for nail guns, push the brad nailers.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 14:08 | 4415230 Hmmmmm
Hmmmmm's picture

Brad nailers OMG you're killing me!

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:01 | 4414393 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Has revenge been ruled out as a motive?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_ngpyRuFg8

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:21 | 4414436 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

has anyone here actually stepped back and thought about the implications of what is being said here as true?

I mean "send in the insurance investigators"?

What if the truth really is something nefarious?

That would mean revenge has nothing at all to do with this actually.
I mean...what if this guy really was a model, upstanding citizen?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 01:03 | 4414491 Little Boomer
Little Boomer's picture

Writing one word at a time is fun!

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 07:59 | 4414696 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

terrorism.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 19:08 | 4415896 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Bostich doen't, you need to add the sequential trigger to make you pull each time. I just upgraded my framing nailer, which would jump everywhere if you held the trigger. 

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 10:14 | 4414788 Oquities
Oquities's picture

NAIL-Guns don't kill people, PEOPLE kill people

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 16:03 | 4415340 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Feinstein & Schumer will immediately introduce legislation limiting the amount of nails that nail guns can be loaded with, and also limit particular features for which they use the term "assault" nail gun."

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 19:10 | 4415897 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

That guy was always such a DIYer

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:43 | 4414222 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Dick Talley WHACKED!

The killer would be a Dick Talley Whacker.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:22 | 4413670 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

"But we have diplomatic immunity"

"consider it revoked!"

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:41 | 4413724 venturen
venturen's picture

Why are none of these guys on Wall Street...wait they have no freaking souls or conscience 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:55 | 4414253 patb
patb's picture

Sounds like a scene out of Wiseguys.

"Guy killed himself by crushing his skull with a vise".

 

Odds are he had some very bad news silent partners who sealed up some loose ends.

 

 

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:10 | 4414409 Handful of Dust
Handful of Dust's picture

Was he licensed to carry a Nail Gun?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 07:53 | 4414694 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

 

We need more nail gun free zones.

 

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 08:08 | 4414706 nmewn
nmewn's picture

We need to ban shop classes now!

And those horticulture classes teaching kids to grow vegetables have shovels & rakes (all manner of assault-type weapons at their little fingertips) along with chemicals & bomb making components in the fertilizers they use...ban them too! 

If we can save just one child, it will have been worth it ;-)

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 08:37 | 4414726 Headbanger
Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:06 | 4414284 living on the edge
living on the edge's picture

It makes you wonder who "nailed" that fucker ;)

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:28 | 4413899 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

You'd be shocked how many construction workers have nail gun injuries. I've seen them occur in almost every location on the body including the head. Funny thing though I don't recall one death. Hmmm....interesting.

Miffed;-)

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:48 | 4413962 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

Yup. if we were playing Clue I'd say It was Lennar... in the garage...with a Nail Gun. I know a lot of money men are psychos but i can't imagine even the most conscience stricken having the patience to miss 7 times with a NAIL GUN...

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:10 | 4414296 buckethead
buckethead's picture

A tortuous death. Not intended to merely wrap up loose ends... information was needed. I'm guessing...like everyone else.

 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:02 | 4413993 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Once worked with a guy who started complaining of headaches.  He worked in shipping.  He went to several doctors with his malady.  Finally, one of them did an X-ray on his head.  He had an 18 guage nail (from a nail gun) lodged... in his brain!  That's not like a framing nail, but still.

Apparently, the nail went in through his tear duct, and he didn't even feel it.  After they popped his eyeball out and removed the nail, he recovered completely.

Lucky duck.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:23 | 4414048 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

I'm not surprised, small home repairs are the #6 cause of death among healthy adults

 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:33 | 4414067 PT
PT's picture

Do an autopsy.  Make sure the guy was sober.  Sounds like some kind of drinking game to me - take a swig and then shoot yourself with a nail gun - "That didn't hurt!!!"  Check out all his friends in case they have a few nails in them too.

 

Or maybe they were going to play paintball but couldn't find any paint-ball guns.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:45 | 4414094 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

Yeah.

 

And wait til the next bankster (or MERS-er) is found dead by suicidal overdose.

 

By Marijuana

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:26 | 4414334 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

@ Miffed:

YOU would be SHOCKED (shocked, I tell you!) how many investment bankers die from NAIL GUN INJURIES!

I have the statistics, and they are SHOCKING (SHOCKING!, I TELL YOU!)

Since nail guns were invented back in, um, 1953 or whatever, there has been ONE (ONE!) death of an investment banker by self-inflicted NAIL GUN injuries.

As your future Government Representative, I will promise that I will introduce a bill that makes the ownership of NAIL GUNS by ANY financial worker ILLEGAL (ILLEGAL, I TELL YOU!). This will include CHECKPOINTS in front of Home Depot and Lowe's, where OUR PROTECTION DIVISION will demand worker idendtification from ANYONE who tries to leave the parking lot with either NAILS or a NAIL GUN. OFFENDING investment bankers will be immediately RESTRAINED, and sent to re-education camps, where the obviously disturbed bankster-class-drones will be treated with loving care, and also be educated in other methods of self-euthanasia.

You can vote for me in the upcoming Selection (but it doesn't matter, because I have friends who program the slot machines in Vegas).

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 01:22 | 4414517 perchprism
perchprism's picture

 

Woah!!  Already there's a shortage of nails for nailguns at Lowe's and Home Depot.  Folks are rushing to buy them up ahead of expected legislation and bans. 

 

I'm loaded up with 6 nailguns, 3 5/8" staplers and enough nails to build the Tower of Babble (sic).

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 08:37 | 4414728 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

 

 

Have you tried to find .22 cal nails lately.....it's like freakin impossible!

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:14 | 4414418 Handful of Dust
Handful of Dust's picture

I sure as heck hope there was a warning label on that nail gun, "Do no tshot yourself with this Gun"...or the widow is going to sue the nail gun company for millions.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 10:08 | 4414785 DanDaley
DanDaley's picture

Yeah, but this guy was using one of the new automatic nail guns -one squeeze of the trigger gives a 10-nail burst...but did he get a class 4 license for that thing?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 11:35 | 4414903 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Why did he not choose a more ususal method for men? Skipping firearms, in the garage carbon monoxide is common.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:27 | 4414112 prains
prains's picture

FYI

<--my balls await your lips

 

killing yourself with a nail gun is like killing yourself with a 26 oz/ eastwing hammer.....while technically feasible because both are deadly weapons, to actually see through the required numbers of blows or nails to effectively see the job through to a deathly conclusion by yourself......is full retard stoopid. can't fucking happen.....alone!!!!

 

work with both these items everyday, neither can kill you quickly, so who the fuck can kill themselves like that s.l.o.w.l.y, not even the Benank could pull that off

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 13:34 | 4415164 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

It would be really hard to kill yourself with an Estwing 26 oz. since they dont make one.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:36 | 4414205 RedHarley
RedHarley's picture

We had a guy years ago that tried to commit suicide by planting a hatchet in his own forehead.......TWICE.  Now that is determination.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:59 | 4414257 patb
patb's picture

Note, tried.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:29 | 4414339 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

@patb:

NOTE:

You FAILED, didn't you?

Is THAT why you wear that bag on your head?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 06:12 | 4414660 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

Truth in Sunshine -

Thank you for years of good insights and a few good laughs too! Isnt it interesting we come here to hedge and worry about our very lives from a governmnent run amok. But who is getting offed here? You reap what you sow. I have a deep compassionate side but not for any of these people. Who told them they had to get up, get dressed and go into the office to defraud customers?

You play with the devil you get burned by the devil. Read some history about what happens eventually in fascist cycles (our culture is on and off based in boom/bust) to many businesses that bribe the politicos. The government will always attempt to guarantee its own survival at any cost.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 10:22 | 4414801 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

who the hell was this guy "defrauding"?

He was "under investigation"...was he cooperating?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 15:25 | 4415368 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

I realize and often share contempt of the banking industry and particular banks and many of their corrupt & unethical executives & employees, but the deceased wasn't someone I'd consider close to the center of the rot, judging things (admittedly) by his own CV (that ZH excerpted).

His career seemed, at least as of recent times, to involve the title insurance business and a stint with the FHA administering FHA development/construction-project loans for Colorado (I am aware of these types of entities and what they do based on work experience), rather than intensive investment banking, trading, hedging, (cornering/manipulating) commodities, or the association viruses of Wall Street.

Having said that, I obviously know nothing of the deceased's character or the circumstances surrounding the events leading up to his life, but the manner by which his life ended certainly seems to suggest that someone tortured him for information or due to a deep vendetta, and that that person or those persons wanted it to be known that he was killed (they could have accomplished the same, sadistic feat, but made it appear to be a more "conventional" manner of suicide, if they were at least semi-intelligent).

But this is all a silly wild ass guess on my part.

Being somewhat familiar with how compressed air nail guns work, and having used them myself (I've even used a cartridge type nail gun in the past that gives off a similar PSI that a .22LR caliber does), I find it hard to fathom that anyone could or would possibly choose this as either a certain, efficient or even plausible means to end one's life.

I am not trying to be humorous when I say this, but what next, people committing suicide by Swingline staplers?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 16:10 | 4415498 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

if you're involved in title work and have point with Federal Housing Authorities that says HAMP to me...something that has by most accounts been a really bad program.

If you have experience with Drexel then you know what it means to work in the "gray areas" of regulation.

We've never really resolved the issues relating to proper "titling" of assets under the whole "robo signing scandal" and securitization. (funny how we don't talk about that here anymore.)

If he's been "stealing" (for lack of a better word) people's property through the loan modification program (a way of gaining a "clean title" to a property as the current lien holder) then I could think you might wind up with a lot of enemies that way.

Obviously it's impossible to tell given your views on the matter...but taking a second look at the guy's bio and seeing "Drexel" and "Government" doesn't bring up much in the way of "good feelings."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drexel_Burnham_Lambert
talk about a "who's who" on CNBC. Guy Adami? Rick Santelli? Gary Winnik? Mark Faber? Steve Fosset? That thing was a "who's who" of finance.

Pissed off the wrong guy in Nicholas Brady..."the guy who bailed out the entirety of Latin America."
"Wilding in Beverly Hills, CA."

Maybe I better stop posting youtube refeeds of Family Guy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcL6DwSufMI

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 15:50 | 4415443 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

In the annals of bizarre "suicides" of bankster types, that is really mundane.

Consider Robert McKeon, founder of Veritas Capital, who supposedly offed himself by strangling himself to death?!?!?

Now try that one at home, huh?

(McKeon's Veritas Capital was the owner of Raytheon Aerospace, whose people, the hardware/software developers of remote piloting software, were aboard several of those four airliners involved in 9/11, along with some of their subcontractors.  McKeon would later purchase DynCorp, the private military contractor with a sordid past, which was also then half-owner of DynPort, situated right outside Ft. Detrick, during those Anthrax attacks following 9/11/01.  McKeon's firm would later sell off a unit to BAE, whose administrator was integrating the records of the new acquisition with their files, when he came across something which deeply disturbed him, according to his wife, who worked for another small defense contractor.  Shortly afterward, in the timeframe of McKeon's strangling himself, this unfortunate fellow was supposed to have murdered his wife and sons, then himself.  The papers said it was due to mental illness....)

The really bizarre "suicide" was that of Washington Monthly owner, Philip Merrill, who had been appointed to head the Ex-Im Bank during part of the Iraq War, when $8.7 billion in Iraqi oil funds went missing.  Evidently Mr. Merrill was to meet the next week with a reporter, and over the weekend, aboard his yacht in the Chesapeake Bay, Merrill, who as elderly, short and quite overweight, blew away the back of his skull and brain with a shotgun blast from the rear, then hefted a 200 to 300lb anchor on his shoulders, jumped overboard and swam 12 miles away and anchored down his dead body with said anchor.  Mighty impressive suicide, huh?  (At least, that was what the police ruled it to be?)

 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:00 | 4413555 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

Who the fuck kills themselves with a nail gun. FFS

Sounds like torture to me.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:03 | 4413568 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Concur

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:31 | 4413684 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Suicide?  I'm not buying that horsehockey gentlemen.  Al Capone was behind this... you mark my words.  And I'm going to prove it.

 

It was Frank Netti, in the study, with the nailgun.

 

I am Ness.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:49 | 4413747 Stuart
Stuart's picture

for those still talking like they  believe this was a suicide, stop it.   there are easier ways to kill yourself.  This was payback, pure and simple.  I doubt it is over too.   

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:46 | 4414224 PT
PT's picture

So for all you banksters out there who know something: Make multiple copies and distribute it everywhere NOW! They're coming to get you anyway. You better start leaving trails before they get to your doorstep.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 11:39 | 4414917 XitSam
XitSam's picture

There is a psychology to suicide. It is not about finding the easiest method.  For example, women usually choose methods that leave their body mostly presentabe: pills or slitting wrists for example.

That said, I doubt this was suicide.  I want to see the police report and the autopsy. 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:58 | 4414259 patb
patb's picture

Has anyone checked where Chris Christie was?

 

 

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 08:37 | 4414730 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

 

 

In the backseat of the limo with Obama....it's a solid alibi.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:42 | 4414357 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

@ Ness. ,

Ah, Nessie, I'll raise you one.

'Nessie'...wasn't that colloquial name of that 'monster' that was seen (supposedly) in the Lock Ness? I heard that poor Nessie stapled herself to the bottom of the Lock (LAKE that has no runoff going to other areas, I.E. LOCK[ed} water).

SERIOUSLY, I hear that the PMSNBABCBFAUX-SSS people are looking for humor writers (after the retirement of whoever just left the 'Tonight Show' thing). They are desperate, in fact, to try to 'boost their ratings'. I see a closed-off future for you, but the short-term benefits might be enticing.

Did I mention the FUCK OFF, BUDDY' meme?

GOD, what a DICKWEED!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:52 | 4413759 vie
vie's picture

Better yet, how exactly does one commit suicide with a nail gun?  Sounds a little too creative to be a banker's idea to me.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:09 | 4413827 mt paul
mt paul's picture

"is it safe"

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:48 | 4414229 PT
PT's picture

???
"This hammer is heavy."
"Can I have some shoes?"

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:15 | 4414025 neidermeyer
neidermeyer's picture

To get that many nails shot into you you'd have to fall on the gun ... I've used them and have a small brad gun and a larger framing gun ... they operate on compressed air and don't actually shoot nails ... the nails are pushed into the wood (very quickly) by a piston assembly... The reason I say he'd have had to have fallen on the gun is that there is always some kind of safety mechanism to ensure that the head of the gun is firmly against something... you literally cannot point one of these and shoot nails out... If this was not a suicide I would expect there to be marks from being restrained.

 

I had a friend nail gun his lower leg bone ... dropped his gun and tried to catch it ... if he had just let it go it couldn't have fired.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:19 | 4413652 ThroxxOfVron
ThroxxOfVron's picture

#Winning!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:51 | 4413763 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Are four banker suicides considered a market trend?

 

If so?  I'm buying this one with both hands.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:28 | 4414057 Thomas
Thomas's picture

"Thanks, Columbo."

I am cleaning up the aftermath of a snot bubble.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 09:42 | 4414734 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

 

 

"Thanks, Columbo."

 

That should get him the Nobel Prize.

 

It won't......but it should.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 10:42 | 4414827 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture

Over Achiever, eh..??

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:53 | 4413527 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Seriously. Wouldn't the idea be to get it over as quickly and painlessly as possible? Perhaps he was also into self-mutilation.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:39 | 4413716 Shrapnel
Shrapnel's picture

If these fuckers weren't actually being suicided(in notably diverse and creative ways), I would recommend nitrogen asphyxiation. Much easier, and less mess afterward.

For the record, Imo these banksters are being suicided just as surely as 9/11 was an inside job, Sandy Hook should be re-named Sandy Hoax, and the Boston Marathon 'bombing' was anything but.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 11:47 | 4414935 XitSam
Fri, 02/07/2014 - 18:51 | 4413529 knukles
knukles's picture

With his hands securely tied behind his back, his fingers sawn off, pithed and paralyed from the neck down, yo.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:49 | 4413750 tickhound
tickhound's picture

Suicide note reads: Dear Mom, this is Richard Talley...

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:05 | 4413818 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Right.

Seven or eight times, in the torso & head.

Now see, this is why we keep "guys with ties" as far away from heavy equipment and pneumatic/power tools as possible, they just can't handle them responsibly.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:09 | 4413822 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

just plane obscure reference

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:18 | 4414038 Husk-Erzulie
Husk-Erzulie's picture

nice

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:58 | 4414117 tickhound
tickhound's picture

Officials have also elected to bury Richard at sea at 2am with no witnesses... Out of respect.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:02 | 4414388 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

It has now been revealed by 'officials' that 'Richard' was actually the second-in-command of Al-Quaida (no, not the Mexican spelling of cheese), and was preparing to assault certain members of the investment-banking HIGHER classes (whose names and identities are now a matter of national/international security, as omnipitently declared by the ruling Military classes, LLC).

"I have been authorized to tell you that there is NO, REASONABLE, CAUSE for alarm. Nothing to see here, folks. Keep moving along" (I SMILE at you like a demon, while I put my hands on my weapon in a personally-threatening manner).

It WAS 19 Arab single men between the ages of 17 and 34, led by a religious zealot in a cave in the Tora Bora Highlands of Afghanistan (with only a laptop and a cellphone) who managed to overcome the most heavily-defended airspace in the world; on the day of September 11, 2001,...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuC_4mGTs98

 

Richard's remains will now be buried at the memorial dedicated to all those EVIL WHISTLEBLOWERS who have been NOW declared as 'domestic terrorists'.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 06:27 | 4414662 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

Mr. Scott - The trend for whistleblowers is to typically step down first. Do we know or not know if he was or was not a whistleblower?

I am not sure how your tying in 911 either. Are you suggesting this man Richard was suicided about knowing about 911?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 12:13 | 4415002 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

See anything suspicious here?? You would think that there would be a huge military response...but nooo...very interesting footage here, I could go on and on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW80RrjxBa4

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:02 | 4413552 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

OK, so let's think this through.  First shot he tries goes where?  Torso, right?  Probably the chest.  Can you imagine how bad that hurt?  Then he bangs in 2 or 3 more there for good measure but he's hitting ribs, the sternum and other things that are not allowing a good heart or artery-piercing shot.  And he doesn't pass out from the pain through any of this?  Obviously it's not working so he goes for the head.  First one to the forehead, maybe the nail doesn't penetrate.  So he goes for the temple next.  STILL NOT DEAD, NOT UNCONSCIOUS.  He finally goes for the other temple and at long last.... encroaching darkness and bliss.  Good bye cruel world.

If you disagree with this, feel free to write it out however you think it happened and tell me if it makes any more sense your way than it does mine.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:04 | 4413569 Prisoners_dilemna
Prisoners_dilemna's picture

Does cocaine numb pain??

Just saying...  you factor that in and suddenly who knows how it went down.

Perhaps he didn't tip the hookers enough and she moonlighted as a sheet-rocker??  ;P

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:06 | 4413590 Jena
Jena's picture

Nope. It's a local anesthetic only, as for nose jobs -- no joke implied. Pharmaceutical grade cocaine is used for rhinoplasties and before packing a bad nosebleed.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:37 | 4413707 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

NoDebt - a single tap into the eyeball would have done it quite nicely

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:52 | 4413757 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

The Eye Socket and angled to cause damage to both hemispheres is more appropriate. People survive with damage to just one hemisphere.

Of course the Medula Oblongata is the ideal target. But you might miss.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:32 | 4413909 918pigpen
918pigpen's picture

Slingblade

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 18:27 | 4415800 IrritableBowels
IrritableBowels's picture

I call it a Kaiser-blade...

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:39 | 4413935 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

We had one guy on cocaine and a 0.30 blood alcohol climb Mt Soledad Cross, fall and impale himself on the iron grate surrounding it. I have never heard a man scream so loud for hours. I found out that " pass out from the pain" was a myth. No one can repeatedly shoot themselves with a nail gun.

Miffed;-)

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:33 | 4414065 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

I watched a helper break his thumb with a mini sledge, yank it back into place and keep on working for another 7 hours.

One never knows how much pain certain people can take.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:13 | 4414150 Jena
Jena's picture

Yeah, that passing out from the pain is a cinematic (and I suppose, literary) myth.  In fact, pain is used as a method to stimulate people with altered levels of consciousness due to one reason or another.  It tends to heighten consciousness rather than dull it.

I knew a neurosurgeon who had an unfortunate habit of twisting nipples of his unconscious patients so hard that they'd actually tear, sometimes all the way off.  

Makes you wonder about a person, doesn't it?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:07 | 4414407 Wen_Dat
Wen_Dat's picture

Who you hangin out with girl

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:34 | 4414452 Jena
Jena's picture

Oh, that.  

All the wrong places.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:16 | 4413640 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I don't care how high you are on coke, it's not going to numb the pain of a nail gun wound.  Not that I have any experience with large doses of cocaine or anything.  Certinaly not.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:22 | 4414045 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Insightful, and for those who don't know better, incomprehensible.  Did you change your avatar to a Bostitch nail gun specifically for this occasion?

"Certinaly" not?

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:01 | 4414267 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

"Did you change your avatar to a Bostitch nail gun specifically for this occasion?"

Yes, I did.  I had been using the stock "paper bag over my head" avatar since I got here.  This thread inspired me.  It's a Paslode nail gun, BTW.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:27 | 4414336 acetinker
acetinker's picture

I did not mean to invoke your ire, merely to indicate (Paslode or Bostitch notwithstanding) that some of us actually know how to "do" stuff.  Seems like a lot of bitchez here wanna bitch about the market, that doesn't actually exist, and want some kind of sympathy.

Boo fkn Hoo!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 23:52 | 4414371 acetinker
acetinker's picture

I'm real happy that you can do a web search and come up with a picture of a nail gun so fast.  Good for you.  Know this:  You fkn smartasses that populate the interwebz are gonna learn some real hard lessons in short order.

Which part of "on a long enough timeline" did you not understand?

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:29 | 4414443 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

I've used the Senco nail gun and it only fires one nail unless your wrist is not held tightly and the reverb will hit the trigger point again. I've had 3 nails fire in this scenario. Nail guns have loads of safety feature so bozos don't kill themselves. Hey, if I can use one what does that say?

Miffed;-)

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 06:32 | 4414664 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

NoDebt - BRILLIANT. My side still hurts from laughing when I saw that ;^•

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:04 | 4414398 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

@ acetinker:

OH, YES, he DID.

He finds HUMOR in the torture and death of a human being, you see.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:10 | 4414411 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

@ NoDebt:

When you leave this life, are you prepared to suffer the fate that this man did?

Do you REALLY think that your masters will allow you to dose yourself up on such numbing substances, after you show that you are in their debt for such a LARGE amount of their fiat currency?

A FOOL without experience tries to talk OTHER FOOLS in to the FANTASY that you discuss. The BLIND, leading the BLIND.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:14 | 4413626 salvadordaly
salvadordaly's picture

Not to mention you j

have to put an amount of pressure on the target to get the gun to trigger. You have to push down to get it to fire!

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:30 | 4413696 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

He was moidered. the question is why and why this way in what looks like a blatant coverup?  It sends a message, in part that they can't snitch or run to the authorities.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:42 | 4414090 PT
PT's picture

Maybe it was one of his muppets finally took matters into his own hands.  Oh hang on a minute, like you said, there was a blatant cover-up.  You win.  If it was a muppet then it would be recognized as murder and now there would be a man-hunt.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 22:28 | 4414187 jenniewadeguy
jenniewadeguy's picture

I am sure his last words were something to the effect of, "No, no, please, God, no!  I'll give you want you want, anything, please, no, aaahh!, aaahhhh!, aaaahhhh!, no, please, aaaahh!, aaaaahhh! [crying, then silence]."  This followed by someone else's voice saying, "Jag Off". 

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:04 | 4413585 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

"7-8 nail gun wounds?!  Seriously?  You have to be shitting me.  That was not a suicide."

Someone had a little talk with the coroner.   Although sometimes it takes a few shots.  Maybe the coroner saw that suicide scene in southpark.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxzVGQZQSsc

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:17 | 4413632 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Would have to be a 16 penny framing nailer I would think, an odd tool for a banker to own. I would guess a smaller sized nail may not go "deep enough"...ouch! This is just really crazy to imagine. Shooting one 16p air nail into oneself has been done, maybe even two, but eight...into your fucking head and chest (guess on that)?? WOW. The nailers have a safety and you would have to pop the nail gun onto your flesh pretty damn hard to get the safety to release. This is hard to imagine but so is someone offing someone this way. I would guess it was suicide as not many assasins run around with air compressors...

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:21 | 4413651 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

The general contractor building his new mansion was sick of hearing him complain and change his mind about things for the last two years.  So he called him to the jobsite for a late night "meeting" to go over some stuff.  You think contractors don't sometimes think about taking a nail gun to their customers's heads?

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:34 | 4413708 booboo
booboo's picture

Paslode make a nice airless framing gun for those special hits

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 00:13 | 4414422 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

@ booboo:

I read this same powerpoint infographic over on the AL-CIA-DUH website (the one where they talk about the benifits of Guantanamo Bay and Rendition Flights).

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 10:37 | 4414822 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

seems a little odd that this happened in Colorado....if indeed it wasn't accidental.

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 11:15 | 4414875 machineh
machineh's picture

'Paslode make a nice airless framing gun for those special hits.'

They're assault nail guns. You can tell by the large magazine capacity, short barrel, and removable stock.

Nancy Pelosi tried to prevent this tragedy.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:55 | 4413783 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

The Nail Guns which I have seen used 22 Caliber Short Blanks.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:54 | 4413979 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Those are for setting pins into cement called "hilti gun" or something. Yea that would certainly do the job versus a nuematic frame nialer, but again....its hard to picture if you know these tools.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:57 | 4414119 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Tall Tom is full of shit.  Period.  End of story.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:00 | 4413798 unrulian
unrulian's picture

obviously you haven't seen No country for old men

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:28 | 4413900 James
James's picture

Their are nail guns that use a air cartrage.

Quite portable

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:54 | 4413982 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Okay that seems like the answer to this crazy story..."Honey....why is the air compressor on this late".....Honey?? Honey??!!"

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 21:27 | 4414054 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Having 'nailed' one too many, he clearly won't be nailing anyone else ever.

Who'll be nailing his wife now?

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 19:22 | 4413657 Proofreder
Proofreder's picture

Turn it around, look at it, 

close eyes, and hold the bump plate ...

damn things work fast -

he died in a hail of nails.

A lot more believable is that someone else

nailed him.

Fri, 02/07/2014 - 20:15 | 4413849 mt paul
mt paul's picture

push the bump plate up

jam a small piece of wood in there

to hold it in live position

 

you're full auto ...

Sat, 02/08/2014 - 11:17 | 4414879 machineh
machineh's picture

... and the BATF's gonna be all over your ass, as soon as the neighbors report the telltale rattle ...

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