Who Will Play Steve Cohen In Martin Scorsese's Upcoming Wall Street Tragicomedy?

Tyler Durden's picture

One look at the chart below from the NYT, and a pattern emerges.

However, we are not sure which is the correct pattern:

  1. Either SAC, or whatever it will be called soon, has some truly impressive hiring hurdles and an even more impressive background check company , or
  2. Slowly but surely the investigation around Steve Cohen - just as we first suggested in November 2010 when nobody dared to mention in print that the invincible "information arbitrageur" was merely a two-bit insider trading hack who used "expert networks" and got lucky for so long he had an "economic war chest of scale" and an army of lawyers- is closing.

If 2, our question is who will play Stevie in the inevitable upcoming (Oscar-nominated) Martin Scorsese tragicomedy about the excesses of the 3 and 50 hedge fund bubble.

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fooshorter's picture

Its only a tragicomedy if NO bankers die at the end.

Say What Again's picture

Talk about teflon.  This SAC of $hit is good at covering his ass

TruthInSunshine's picture

That dude on the late night infomercial selling shark vacuum cleaners, Ninja blenders, steam cleaners, etc.

Spittin' image of Stevie boy...

bania's picture

poor guy, all his business associates turn out to be criminals. talk about bad luck.

Headbanger's picture

Just cast Mike Myers as Doctor Evil wearing a Wall Street suit and glasses with a Mini Me Steve Cohen !

Xibalba's picture

I believe he and Leo have a contract

Divided States of America's picture

A jewish actor would fill in his shoes admirably....he would'nt even need to read the script because everything is already programmed into his brain.

Frank N. Beans's picture

i think something is programmed into YOUR brain.

Canadian Dirtlump's picture

I was going to recommend Jonah Feldstein aka Jonah Hill.

TruthInSunshine's picture


Morgan Freeman, Tom Hanks, Al Pacino, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Danny DeVito or Butters from South Park

alphamentalist's picture

a bald charlie sheen jumps to mind

Seasmoke's picture

Richard Dreyfuss.

Grande Tetons's picture

Seth Rogan. 

He has the double chin and the lack of talent to pull it off. 

HyBrasilian's picture

Sorry ~ Both of those 2 already have 'pre-committments' for season 1 of "Oy Vey My Balls!"

Headbanger's picture

LMFAO!  Thanks!

Now where's my scotch??

Gringo Viejo's picture

Tom Sizemore or Elizabeth Hurley. You make the call.

Grande Tetons's picture

Bette Midler! 

Fuck...that is her comeback role...how could I have fucked up on my previous pick. 

Shave her head...have her sing a couple of tunes. Box office gold! 

kralizec's picture

Since Hoffman OD'd the obvious choice is gone...

..pick anybody, it doesn't matter...

...crony markets...crony entertainment...

...what difference does it make?

Tinky's picture

Philip Seymour Hoffman

NiftyRichie's picture

He really would have been perfect for that role :'(

Midas's picture

That is marvelous.



syntaxterror's picture

A gay porn star is the natural choice to play this cock smoker.

Glass Seagull's picture




They're afraid to take down SC himself, bc he has dirt on all the other big boys in the HF industry.





mayhem_korner's picture



Is Christopher Walken too old?  How about Kathy Bates with a clean-shaven dome?

Mercury's picture

Danny DeVito


Drew Carey


NOTaREALmerican's picture

Show of hands at those of us who cheered what's his name's "greed is good" speech?

Yeah, yeah, yeah...    All the OldFarts have "morals" (or is it regret) now, but when they were just normal human young asshole males everybody knew "greed was good".  

Boy, how times changes (with age).

vincent's picture

Starring Hank Paulsen.

Art imitating life.

We already know the Boy can act

TruthInSunshine's picture

And that he's a sociopathic, narcissistic, kleptomanic sick fuck.

Divided States of America's picture

Yup good ole hanky panky sure plays the part the character perfectly, in terms of looks and personality and behaviour.

Gringo Viejo's picture

Just read on Drudge that McGruff The Crime Dog has been sentenced to 16 years in Houston for Pot and Weapons charges. Say it ain't so Joe!

Agent P's picture

I hear Jon Corzine is available. 

Common_Cents22's picture

hoffman, oh he OD'd


gandofini!  ooops, gone.


i know.    freakin GEORGE COSTANZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Common_Cents22's picture

i always thought homer simpson had a good likeness

monad's picture

I'd rather watch Paulson & friends being executed by an angry mob. And from what I've wasted time on so far, Scorcese is a no talent insider suck up.

Johnny Cocknballs's picture

You know, I think this guy could handle the role:


He just needs to lose 5 or 10 pounds.  Anyone know who his agent is?


robnume's picture

My vote goes to: Eric Cartman from South Park. Now, he knows how to play pure EVIL!

boooyaaaah's picture

The Finacial press is giving SAC a real break

On the day that Elan presented the phase 2 results, the prce was 34 $/sh.

The presentation was made after hrs 5 pm on a Friday

During the presentation , more than the entire oustanding shares of Elan were traded -- 500 mil plus

The questions at the CC presenting the results were loaded and negative.

Q:Why did this person die?

A:Alzhiemer patients are old an often feeble -- they die naturally during a 2 yeartrail.

But, No answer was good enough. The stock plumeted after hours

It had to be naked shorting --- and that is the evil secret behind inside information

Most people read this and say "What is so bad about getting early information?"

Wouldnt you buy and sell on information? But not the manipulative hedge funds, They buy and sell not stocks but naked short -- which means they sell what they do not own or do not borrow.

It's temporary but the damage is done and the carnage spreads

And it is highly leveraged.

And the rules are set by prime brokers -- yes the big banks -- GS, JPM with the blessing of the SEC for purposes of liquidity. (And to make them a bundle)

Ps The drug was taken through phase 3 by J&J and Phizer so the phase 2 results were not that bad. 





kurt's picture

I hear Ron Jeremy is available.

rickv404's picture

Didn't this trash-maker Scorsese just make a Wall Street tragicomedy? Was it all that successful? Seems like it came and went in no time.