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2014's Best And Worst Performing Hedge Funds

Tyler Durden's picture


2013 is in the history books, and with it so are all those strategies that worked last year. As much can be seen in the performance of the marquee hedge fund names, whose performance so far in 2014, undoubtedly taking a cue from the market which in January was turmoiling over tapering and EM fears, is decidedly mixed, with about half generating negative returns, and the other just barely beating the flatline. Some notable exceptions: the woefully named Tulip Trend Fund which is already down -8.5% YTD, as well as the Keynes Leveraged Quantitative Strategies fund, down 2.9%, while on the other side Pershing Square is no longer Perishing up  4.1% through the end of the month, undoubtedly driven by the plunge of HLF in January, a move which may or may not last and likely depends on whether in the aftermath of AAPL, iCahn decides he has had enough of his game with Ackman as well.

So without further ado, here are the Top 20 Best and Worst performers so far in 2014 as tracked by HSBC.


And here is a selection of some of the most prominent hedge fund names:


Finally, the full HSBC presentation.

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Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:34 | 4420951 nuclearsquid
nuclearsquid's picture

Screw 'em.

I like my equity investments like my bowl movements:

private, large, slow-moving, and illiquid.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:35 | 4420960 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

Kudos to Horseman.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:41 | 4420992 HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

Last time I saw 'horseman' was on this comment here:



Did he get banned?

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:46 | 4421017 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

You can't ban hedgeless horseman.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:53 | 4421035 HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

That's what I say!... [EPIC 'down home living' ruminations & fotos ~ my FAVORITE ZH poster of all time]...


But where has he been? [I'm worried]...

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:57 | 4421051 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

He's probably on vacation. Everyone needs one of those at times!

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 17:15 | 4421116 Stuart
Stuart's picture

Kyle Bass peformance?


Mon, 02/10/2014 - 17:48 | 4421234 HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture



If I had a wife [like h_h]... Who did all that work to prepare dinner & do things the way [she photographically does ~ & as illustrated]...

I'd NEVER go on vacation...

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 20:09 | 4421868 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Lemme fill in for HH and say, [learn how to] make them dinners yerself and your wife never has to go on vacation. ;)

Wholesome food preparation is most rewarding.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:35 | 4420955 maskone909
maskone909's picture

we were changing in the locker room and i noticed billy's hedgefund was outperforming mine.  does that make him more of a man than me?

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:35 | 4420963 nuclearsquid
nuclearsquid's picture

lets see, he can buy a hotter trophy wife, so yes.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:39 | 4420979 maskone909
maskone909's picture

billy's trophywife is a fake materialistic whore with a bad boob-job(AAPL TWTR GOOG TSLA)

my old lady is sweet, reliable, and always has a hot meal ready for me(GOLD SILVER)

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:43 | 4420996 Shad_ow
Shad_ow's picture

Old Soros almost had a live one!


Too bad she didn't have a nail gun.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 17:17 | 4421113 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

Where's Lorena Bobbit when you need her!

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:43 | 4421006 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

What about the fun-damentals? I hope you go physical often on her.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:46 | 4421015 maskone909
maskone909's picture

our physical relationship is truely amazing.  she gets really hot when i take her on boat trips

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:47 | 4421019 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

It's like a mini version of the titanic every time, except it's you who lives. What a twist to the story. The guy lives for a change.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 18:09 | 4421174 Woodhippie
Woodhippie's picture

Let's put it this way, he's the only guy at the nudist camp that can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:40 | 4420983 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

I wouldn't give my money to a hedge fund if it was the only place to invest my money.  Let'em fucking die on the vine.

Stop supporting a corrupt industry.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:50 | 4421029 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Speaking of sneaky bastards, what's Braeburn Capital doing these days? Weren't they the largest hedge fund?

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:43 | 4420985 migra
migra's picture

An S&P Index fund blow these things away. A fool and his money shall soon be parted.


The only people making real money on these hedgefunds are azzholes running them.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:41 | 4420991 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

the greatest trick, the hedge fund manager ever played, was convincing you, he wasn't a monkey with a dartboard.





I've mentioned this once before, and nobody seemed to notice or care, but - if you look at which funds crapped the bed in 2008, and you're looking for corelations...  pretty much everyone looked in the wrong place.  If you looked at unadulterated WAM, a statistic more subject to manipulation than a Central American presidental campaign, you will gain wisdom. 

The correlation to a longer WAM to losses was so tight, the fuckery to WAM so elegant and simple  {interest rate reset dates as maturity dates - genius, it's like calling a spade a fish!}


Anyway, every crisis is different, but ole Johnny is giving you folks gold here.  Look, ye, to the portfolio's true WAM as one important factor to consider.

And particularly, look at real versus reported WAM.  If they're fucking with you on that, they're fucking with you on other stuff as well.


ZH had a good one a couple years back -



come for the articles, stay for the comments...


Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:52 | 4421034 AgentScruffy
AgentScruffy's picture

Awesome. Thanks Zero Hedge for reminding me I'm not missing out on anything by not being in a hedge fund.
Happy to continue doing my "boostrap" micro sloppy amateur thing.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 16:56 | 4421043 youngman
youngman's picture

That Photo says it all....if your hedgefund is up..you are sportin a huge woodie..and I would be off to Sochi to bag some hottie Swiss Female Curlers....if its down..you have a wet noodle....like you would have if you got into bed with Hilary Clinton...

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 17:26 | 4421143 Woodhippie
Woodhippie's picture

Hillary Clinton- Where boners go to die.

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 17:26 | 4421148 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

Didn't they used to be "Big swinging dicks?"

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 18:12 | 4421373 Flying Wombat
Flying Wombat's picture

Now I know I'm a bit twisted from time to time, but is that really the real Bloomberg BusinessWeek cover?  Talk about subliminal messaging.  Big green up arrow from pelvis, versus erectile deficient worm arrow from the pelvis down to the floor..?  I guess the mainstream media is getting desperate to drum-up readers.  That, or the art department is drinking way too much coffee :-)


Eric Dubin,

Managing Editor, TheNewsDoctors.com

Mon, 02/10/2014 - 19:45 | 4421794 chump666
chump666's picture

"Tulip Trend Fund" haha

 What no Wolf of Wall Street Fund?

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 05:56 | 4423172 Calculus99
Calculus99's picture

They should have an alternative ranking -

The best at skimming and scamming their clients via fees and charges etc.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!