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Illinois Taps The Onion To Sell Obamacare

Tyler Durden's picture


While we realize that newsflow over the past few years has taken a decided turn for the surreal, we are sad (or, alternatively, delighted) to announce that we are dead serious when we report that Illinois governor Pat Quinn has now tapped The Onion - that would be the famous satiric website - to sell Obamacare. Perhaps we should not be surprised: after we previously revealed that The Onion served as the mystery source of economic insight by such intellectual economist titans as Paul Krugman and Larry Summers, the time may have come come to surrender to the great wave of absurdity that has washed over this nation, and admit that when it comes to pitching idiotic policies, self-referential satire may be the only option left in the arsenal of the central planners.

Acording to Crains Chicago, Gov. Pat Quinn is partnering with the Onion to persuade young invincibles” to sign up for health care insurance — before it's too late under Obamacare.

More on this surreal development from the source:

Beginning today, Onion Labs, the creative services division of Chicago-based Onion, will run banners ads on its website of a man forced to sell his action figures to pay his medical bills because he didn't buy health insurance, according to a statement today from Get Covered Illinois, the state's health insurance exchange.



So-called young invincibles, healthy people in their 20s and 30s, are crucial to balancing out the costly sick and elderly people buying plans on the Illinois health insurance exchange.


“We know that to effectively reach Young Invincibles — who are 53 percent of our uninsured residents in Illinois — we have to work with non-traditional, and especially digital, sources for news and entertainment," Jennifer Koehler, executive director of Get Covered Illinois, said in statement. "That's where the Onion fits right into our outreach strategy.”


The Onion also will create a video, an editorial and a customer “news” section about Get Covered Illinois that will appear online as the March 31 deadline to buy health insurance approaches.


“This is a great opportunity for Onion Labs to work with Get Covered Illinois, and do what the Onion does best — create irreverent-yet-relevant comedy and put it to work for an organization that wants to reach millennials,” Onion CEO Steve Hannah said in the statement.

Actually what the Onion does best is to capture the idiocy of people through the lens of stires. In this case, it has most certainly succeeded.


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Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:29 | 4424198 fooshorter
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Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:32 | 4424211 StacksOnStacks
StacksOnStacks's picture

Doesn't he have to sell them anyways?  Without the insurance he would actually be able to keep more of them.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:35 | 4424221 PR Guy
PR Guy's picture



Listen, when big projects like this go bad, they go really bad as we see here ;-)


Avoid if you don't like the odd swear word.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:40 | 4424250 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

obamacare has electrolytes......HOAP

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:44 | 4424258 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

The Onion is laughing all the way to the bank. 

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:52 | 4424285 WarriorClass
WarriorClass's picture


May as well live up to the hype.


Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:52 | 4424292 InjectTheVenom
InjectTheVenom's picture

You Got Insurance ?

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:59 | 4424306 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

non-kool-aid drinking flatlanders call Quinn "potatohead".

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 15:49 | 4424795 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

heres what kills me

they are actually telling the millenials, hey sign up so we can afford the old, because if you dont overpay to support them, they might have to foot their own bills


so tell me, are the millenials that frickkin stupid?

can they even afford to pay someone elses bill?

especially people who never planned for their future, but have arrived there none the less


i wonder, if they had known what was in it, would they have passed it?

pelosi should just fall over dead right the fuck now(of a pre existing stupid, forgot to breathe)

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:38 | 4424471 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason.


"healthy people in their 20s and 30s" = moving targets...  Better hurry Barry.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 17:35 | 4425214 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture



If you are a white gun owner you are viewed as right wing even if you are a Libertarian keep that in mind.


Ohio National Guard Training Envisions Right-Wing Terrorism

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:42 | 4424480 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

The Onion should do a piece on this.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:54 | 4424526 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

Put this probe in your mouth, this one in your ear, and this one in your ass,,,no..wait, THIS one in your mouth......

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:44 | 4424254 Four chan
Four chan's picture

has anyone seen the magic ads hucking obamacare, he doesnt even mention aids.

i think that should be his tag line "i beat aids, and so can you..with obama care".


Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:11 | 4424365 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Now the Onion??? It makes me want to CRY!!!

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:21 | 4424392 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture

illinois taps the onion?




i love me some o dat obamacare...



Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:45 | 4424493 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Illinois IS the onion. 

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:34 | 4424213 PR Guy
PR Guy's picture


Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:52 | 4424252 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Man without health insurance is forced to sell action figures to pay medical bills.


This is funny because no grown man should be forced to trade his doll collection for emergency medical care - right?

Here's another good one:

Area Man Introduces Pat Quinn's Head to His Ass

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:36 | 4424456 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

you're what a child becomes when imagination and wonder are crushed out of him

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:45 | 4424257 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

So it looks like the Onion also works for the establishment messaging system.  Not unlike the Daily Show which also uses the cover of Satire and comedy to deliver politcal disinformation.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:22 | 4424407 john39
john39's picture

the corporate fascist empire controls about 99.9% of all info on the planet at this point.   Even the total lunatic fringe sites, at least 2/3 are deliberate disinfo to discredit the real thing.  evil is afoot on this planet.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:50 | 4424492 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

It may well be corporate fascism which enables the leftist political disinformation on the MSM.  Make no mistake about it, it's political and it is leftist messaging.  Big corps benefit from their marriage to Big gov, I don't disagree.  But the political messsage is always the same, it's the same statist message of the gov is here to help you.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:54 | 4424298 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

A ponzi scheme is over when their are no new entrants to pay for the existing members

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:58 | 4424312 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Self-depricating satire is a wonderful personality trait of self-confident, yet humble and gregarious people.  

When you're a fuckwad statist, though, it just makes you look like more of a fuckwad. 

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:30 | 4424199 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Give me a break, bitchez!  (Oh, brother.)

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:34 | 4424214 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Satire imitating satire.

Yup, we've gone full retard.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:41 | 4424240 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

It's true.  Great satire reveals hidden, painful truths.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:45 | 4424251 exi1ed0ne
exi1ed0ne's picture

Past the reality event horizon

take left at mobius strip of lies

Ouroboros of credability will be on the left.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:34 | 4424217 DOT
DOT's picture

Fuckin' sell-outs ! I remember those days sitting on top of railway cars off Williamson St. in Madison.

Fuckin' fuck sell-outs!


Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:38 | 4424235 DOT
DOT's picture

Oh yeah,

Get Fucked you Fuckin' Fuck Sell-out Fucks!

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:35 | 4424220 Gene Parmesan
Gene Parmesan's picture

.gov: Clueless as ever.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:13 | 4424372 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Sinister as ever.  This article shows the mechanisms of thought control they have and use on unsuspecting folks.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:38 | 4424224 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

The fact that they have to sell it says everything you need to know.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:35 | 4424230 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

Barrycare = huge fail


keep pushing the rope Barry - dumb ass communist

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:44 | 4424253 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

So-called young invincibles, healthy people in their 20s and 30s, are crucial to balancing out the costly sick and elderly people buying plans on the Illinois health insurance exchange.

And yet Zero Hedge tells me there's no war on young people, and we're all just lazy stupid Obama voters who deserve what we get because we're the most entitled and socialist generation evah. *eye roll*

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:51 | 4424284 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

As a tail end Baby Boomer who has been completely screwed over by the kleptoligarchy, you have my sympathy.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:03 | 4424323 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

There's a lot more "it's your fault" age-battle coming where that came from.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 15:01 | 4424552 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Bring it.  Most invincibles are so afraid of bang sticks they will only ever get near one when it is pointed at them.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:46 | 4424261 One And Only
One And Only's picture

With $12,000 deductibles there is 0 reason for someone in their twenties to have insurance.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:54 | 4424294 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture


Don't you ever play on the train tracks?

Make homemade pyrotechnical displays?

Walk through Detroit?

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:37 | 4424459 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Um, no.

Todays kids with the i-everything gives 2-shits about going outside.

Unless the iBox blows up on them, alls well

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:31 | 4424444 ZeroPoint
ZeroPoint's picture

Oh but it's WORSE than that.12,000 deductible for the bronze package AND 200-250 a month premium. And they wonder why the kids aren't signing up.



Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:35 | 4424449 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

Wait for the list that is exempt form coverage:

1. Any drug or alcohol related injury.

2. Any sports related injury.

3. Any motor vehicle related injury.

4. Any injury sustained in a domestic argument.

5. Any injury from a race related attack, unless the victim is black.


Tue, 02/11/2014 - 15:05 | 4424562 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

You forgot:

6.  Injuries suffered within a structure.

7.  Injuries suffered outside a structure.

8.  Injuries that happened in the dark.

9.  Injuries that happened in the daylight.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:48 | 4424267 Jena
Jena's picture

Makes me wonder when .gov will hire a real ad agency to plug Obamacare.  

I realize they're trying to be relevent to the yutes and all but it doesn't seem to be working, mostly because what they're selling is such bullshit.

But hey, they could at least give it a decent try.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:48 | 4424276 Blano
Blano's picture

Has the Onion gone over to the dark side?  Have we lost all hope?

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:18 | 4424389 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

"Onion jumps shark," says area man.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:54 | 4424286 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   The next thing you'll see, is Obunga Care marketed like those 'Direct T.V.' commercials.


 " If you don't get off your couch, you'll shit yourself."

  " When you shit yourself you get really mad."

  "When you get really mad your blood pressure rises."

  " High blood pressure will cause you to have a fucking stroke."

  " Get Obunga Care so you don't stroke out serf!"

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:25 | 4424414 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Perfect parody Yen... I know those ads are supposed to be funny, but they make me cringe.

Next up will be online-college type of ads "I joined Obamacare, and now I'm a successful businessperson in action figure resale. You can join in your pajamas too!"

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:46 | 4424504 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I sold my pajamas to buy action figures.  I guess I'm fucked.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 18:07 | 4425356 Cheduba
Cheduba's picture

" If you don't get off your couch, you'll shit yourself."

Funniest damn thing I've read in a long time.  +9 million

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:55 | 4424290 lordylord
lordylord's picture


Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:56 | 4424301 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Barbie is not an action figure unless Ken is involved.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 13:57 | 4424305 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

We have achieved unity. Everyone can go home and bask in the pure, unadulterated insanity, at least until there is no more food to eat.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:04 | 4424324 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

I have just said on the Barry Vs Hollande thread, we have entered the stage of stupidity....

Jesus fucking christ, prophetic or what......


Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:09 | 4424344 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Why not just threaten these "invincibles" with internment, or something really scary? If you want them to be fearful, show them Freddy Kruger, not The Onion.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:11 | 4424354 whoknoz
whoknoz's picture

..."well I had to spend two days in the hospital and they sent me a bill for $16, 841.12. Maaaaan, I'm gonna have to sell my collection of action figures. Let's see, I have 6 GI Joes and 3 Bill Clintons, and 1 Tom Cruise. If I sell them for $18,000 that would give me some extra bread, right?"...

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:09 | 4424356 AFKeeker
AFKeeker's picture

I really like the ad slots has taken out on the morning music video programs on CMT.  Talk about missing the mark for your target demographic...

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:18 | 4424379 B2u
B2u's picture

but it is such a good deal why do I need someone to tell me....

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:24 | 4424411 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Is the criminal joke the joke or the other way around?!

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:25 | 4424416 youngman
youngman's picture

How do you try to sell something when Obama keeps moving the deadline out several years

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:28 | 4424435 Clowns on Acid
Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:35 | 4424453 Cornholiovanderbilt
Cornholiovanderbilt's picture

This has gotten rediculous.  I need to drink more tap water and join dumbfukistan

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:37 | 4424458 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 Selling all bitcoins, its over.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:44 | 4424494 noless
noless's picture

I really enjoy how they're mocking the fact that they have systematically impoverished an entire generation.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:47 | 4424500 newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

The rollout strategy for the ACA has been to bipass traditional advertising venues and to inlist, with hefty government donations and payments to healthcare advocates and community organizind outreach centers, as the primary communicators. This is their belief that only common folks can relate and communicate with other common folks.

Check out the organizations in your state who have received federal dollars to hire and train the "ACA Navigators."  You will then trully uderstand that all of this was set up by design.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:47 | 4424509 redux2redux
redux2redux's picture
“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.”

Mark Twain

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 14:53 | 4424525 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

resorting to satire for propaganda? that's ironic

sarc off

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 15:03 | 4424556 Yancey Ward
Yancey Ward's picture

I have written more than once- The Onion isn't parody, it is a news organization broadcasting from the future via a wormhole.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 15:09 | 4424593 Alananda
Alananda's picture

Hasbro introduces new Transformer:  With minimal movement, Health Care Insurance converts into Unaffordable Disease.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 15:51 | 4424796 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

First, we deal with real articles talking about Chinese WalMarts selling Five Spice Donkey Meat that actually has fox meat in it, with some Chinese guy wondering what the big deal is because fox meat costs more than donkey meat, and now we have The Onion pitching Obamacare.  It truly has come full circle. 

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 16:28 | 4424957 BigRedRider
BigRedRider's picture

Correct me if I'm right.


Why would a "young invincible" want or need health care insurance if he is invincible.



Tue, 02/11/2014 - 16:32 | 4424976 yogibear
yogibear's picture

All the scum politicians seem to build their political careers in Illinois.

Groomed to spend everything and infinitely raise taxes.

Tue, 02/11/2014 - 17:12 | 4425119 bdub2
bdub2's picture

One step closer to insanity. Onion takes a huge step backwards. They are border-line sellouts. They SHOULD say, "Thanks, but No Thanks Barry".  That would be respect. But they are bought and paid for now. Onion was great. but now, they are grouped in with the paid shills. Insert Travis Bickle speech to Betsy:  " ONION--- you're just like all the rest of 'em. You are going to die in Hell!"


The ONLY thread left, literally and figuratively, barely attached to sanity, is ZH. If Obunga Care banner adds were to ever grace these pages, I will know the machines have taken over, and I will drive straight to the fema camp, after turning in my guns and sending in a contribution to Hellary '16! It will all be over then.

(unless this was all just an Onion joke that went right over).

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