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Another JPMorgan Banker Dies, 37 Year Old Executive Director Of Program Trading

Tyler Durden's picture


Ordinarily we would ignore the news of another banker's death - after all these sad events happen all the time - if it wasn't for several contextual aspects of this most recent passage. First, the death in question, as reported by the Stamford Daily Voice is that of Ryan Henry Crane, a Harvard graduate, who is survived by his wife, son and parents at the very young age of 37. Second, Ryan Henry Crane was formerly employed by JPMorgan - a bank which was featured prominently in the news as recently as two weeks ago when another of its London-based employees committed suicide by jumping from the top floor of its Canary Wharf building. Third: Crane was an Executive Director in JPM's Global Program Trading desk, founded in 1999 by an ex-DE Shaw'er, a function of the firm which is instrumental to preserving JPM's impeccable and (so far in 2013) flawless trading record of zero trading losses.

There was little detail surrounding the death:

Ryan Henry Crane of Stamford died Monday, Feb. 3. He was 37.


Crane was born Jan. 8, 1977, and grew up in Long Valley, N.J. He graduated from The Delbarton School in Morristown in 1995. He graduated from Harvard University in 1999, after which he spent the next 14 years at J.P. Morgan in New York. He was an executive director in the Global Equities Group.


Crane is survived by his wife, Lauren (nee Pizzotti); son, Harry; parents Mary Jo and Lex of Long Valley, N.J.; brother, Lex of Denver, Colo.; sister, Allison; brother-in-law, John Archard of Arvada, Colo.; parents-in-law, Steve and Carol Pizzotti of Reading, Mass.; brothers- and sisters-in-law, David and Heather Pizzotti of Upper Arlington, Ohio, Stephen and Kristin Pizzotti and Chris and Felicia Pizzotti of Reading, Mass.; five nephews, three nieces; aunts, uncles; and cousins.


Calling hours are Sunday, Feb. 9 from 3 to 7 p.m. at the Leo P. Gallagher Funeral Home, 31 Arch St., Greenwich. A Mass of Christian Burial will be held at 11 a.m. Monday, Feb. 10 at St. Catherine of Siena Church, Riverside. Interment will be held at 1 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 11 at Puritan Lawn Memorial Park in Peabody, Mass.

Crane's LinkedIn profile confirming his senior position at one of JPM's most important market-facing verticals:


Below is his Finra BrokerCheck profile. Aside from having a license to trade virtually anything and anywhere as someone with his skillset would be expected to, his history was spotless:


The circumstances surrounding his death are scarce, but what is most notable is that not only is Crane the second very young JPMorgan banker to pass in recent days, but is also the fourth banker death in under a month. We can only hope this disturbing chain of deaths within the financial industry - one of which involved a nail-gun induced suicide - is purely accidental.

h/t SGT Report


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Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:08 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

hot tub?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:14 | Link to Comment fonestar
fonestar's picture

another one bytes the dust

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:17 | Link to Comment ACP
ACP's picture

Looks like the stress of running criminal stock and commodity manipulation schemes, is getting to them.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:20 | Link to Comment bania
bania's picture

the trend is your friend?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:25 | Link to Comment camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

Still waiting for the banker who shoots himself twice in the back of the head, weapon not found at the scene, ruled suicide.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:27 | Link to Comment Fukushima Sam
Fukushima Sam's picture

The trend for "banker suicide" is up over at google!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:42 | Link to Comment negative rates
negative rates's picture

Obviously he jumped, or shot a nail thru his body.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:53 | Link to Comment eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Paging John Grisham

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:01 | Link to Comment gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Router..., or sander?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:01 | Link to Comment idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

Fell on a knife ... again and again and again...?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:20 | Link to Comment mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Poor bastard.  Well, at least he can say "hi" to Ken Lay...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:22 | Link to Comment HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

So who got him?


SubZero? BuzzSaw? Dynamo? Fireball? Captain Freedom?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:35 | Link to Comment J S Bach
J S Bach's picture

Check his blood for polonium.  That's how they got Arafat.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:42 | Link to Comment jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

first it was the microbiologists and then the deep field astronomers. now the bankers

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:11 | Link to Comment tongue.stan
tongue.stan's picture

dese banksters is savin us da trouble a stringin em up on da lightpoles, doin us a favor by takin em out ta the woodshed, makin em sleep wid da fishes, dirtnaps for alla dem dirtballs, every last one a dem bums

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:17 | Link to Comment eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

As long as the trend works its way to the top of the cesspool, I'm good with it...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:22 | Link to Comment Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I was under the impression you jumped after the market collapsed.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:12 | Link to Comment Gankfest
Gankfest's picture

Their literally falling from the sky, their rates are so low!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:45 | Link to Comment screw face
screw face's picture

Speaking of Bankers and Quantum Computing where is that Mike Morgan, grandson of J.P., ......he was an undergrad in the computing Department at the U of O in Eugene Or. in the late 70's?

Can you guess why a banker would have a great interest in Quantum Computing?



Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:24 | Link to Comment Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

The U of O get millions in funding from the US MIC every year to study weapons.

Also, Skull and Bones have always put their young minions to work in many various sectors.  From Hollywood to science, to the Treasury and Universities, there and Skull and Bonesmen everywhere.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:19 | Link to Comment Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

There is laways some hope for the banksters,  but quantum computing won't break bitcoin.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:38 | Link to Comment layman_please
layman_please's picture

this movie seems more poignant than ever:

The International

even though it's hollywood production, it's not far-off from the reality.

beginning of the movie

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:05 | Link to Comment Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

Thanks!! going to watch that this evening.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:12 | Link to Comment fonestar
fonestar's picture

fonestar thought you were leaving?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:18 | Link to Comment The Dunce
The Dunce's picture

Ivy League bankers suck.  But I hate to see them die.  Sad, really.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:29 | Link to Comment JamesBond
JamesBond's picture

JP Moar Gone?





Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:35 | Link to Comment James
James's picture

Dunce, I've seen your blog and I'd lay off that Coke if I were you. Sugars a killer.

I bet your piss has a PH of 4. Very acidic. Diseases thrive in a low PH.

Bottoms up!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:38 | Link to Comment PT
PT's picture

Ban JPM.  It is obviously waaaaayyyy too dangerous.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:44 | Link to Comment Four chan
Four chan's picture

it was a construction accident, he was busting up cement with a sledge and hit himself with it. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:37 | Link to Comment walküre
walküre's picture

Better than the poor guy who poured a foundation and fell into the wet cement, hitting his head and never recovered. Heard it all before. Accidents happen. Sad, really ...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:18 | Link to Comment Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

"The London Evening Standard newspaper reported the same day that “A man plunged to his death from a Canary Wharf tower in front of thousands of horrified commuters today.” Who gave that completely fabricated story to the press? Commuters on the street had no view of the body because it was 9 floors up on a rooftop – a rooftop that is accessible from a stairwell inside the building, not just via a fall from the roof. Adding to the suspicions, Magee had emailed his girlfriend the evening before telling her he was finishing up and would be home shortly.

If JPMorgan’s CEO, Jamie Dimon, needed a little crisis management help from operatives, he has no shortage of people to call upon. Thomas Higgins was, until a few months ago, a Managing Director and Global Head of Operational Control for JPMorgan. (A BusinessWeek profile shows Higgins still employed at JPMorgan while the New York Post reported that he left late last year.) What is not in question is that Higgins was previously the Senior Officer and Station Chief in the CIA’s National Clandestine Service, a component of which is the National Resources Division. (Higgins’ bio is printed in past brochures of the CIA Officers Memorial Foundation, where Higgins is listed with his JPMorgan job title, former CIA job title, and as a member of the Foundation’s Board of Directors for 2013.)

According to Jeff Stein, writing in Newsweek on November 14, the National Resources Division (NR) is the “biggest little CIA shop you’ve never heard of.” One good reason you’ve never heard of it until now is that the New York Times was asked not to name it in 2001. James Risen writes in a New York Times piece: [the CIA’s] “New York station was behind the false front of another federal organization, which intelligence officials requested that The Times not identify. The station was, among other things, a base of operations to spy on and recruit foreign diplomats stationed at the United Nations, while debriefing selected American business executives and others willing to talk to the C.I.A. after returning from overseas.”

Stein gets much of that out in the open in his piece for Newsweek, citing sources who say that “its intimate relations with top U.S. corporate executives willing to have their companies fronting for the CIA invites trouble at home and abroad.” Stein goes on to say that NR operatives “cultivate their own sources on Wall Street, especially looking for help keeping track of foreign money sloshing around in the global financial system, while recruiting companies to provide cover for CIA operations abroad. And once they’ve seen how the other 1 percent lives, CIA operatives, some say, are tempted to go over to the other side.”

We now know that it was not only the Securities and Exchange Commission, the U.S. Treasury Department’s FinCEN, and bank examiners from the Comptroller of the Currency who missed the Madoff fraud, it was top snoops at the CIA in the very city where Madoff was headquartered.

Stein gives us even less reason to feel confident about this situation, writing that the NR “knows some titans of finance are not above being romanced. Most love hanging out with the agency’s top spies — James Bond and all that — and being solicited for their views on everything from the street’s latest tricks to their meetings with, say, China’s finance minister. JPMorgan Chase’s Jamie Dimon and Goldman Sach’s Lloyd Blankfein, one former CIA executive recalls, loved to get visitors from Langley. And the CIA loves them back, not just for their patriotic cooperation with the spy agency, sources say, but for the influence they have on Capitol Hill, where the intelligence budgets are hashed out.”

Higgins is not the only former CIA operative to work at JPMorgan. According to a LinkedIn profile, Bud Cato, a Regional Security Manager for JPMorgan Chase, worked for the CIA in foreign clandestine operations from 1982 to 1995; then went to work for The Coca-Cola Company until 2001; then back to the CIA as an Operations Officer in Afghanistan, Iraq and other Middle East countries until he joined JPMorgan in 2011."

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:41 | Link to Comment emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

thanks KS.  super work

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 20:45 | Link to Comment tdogg
tdogg's picture

When it's serious ... you must lie.

When it's end game serious ..... you must terminate with extreme prejudice.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:11 | Link to Comment tdogg
tdogg's picture

Higgins - that name sounds familiar.

Yep - C. Robertson's character in Three Days of the Condor (one of the top CIA spooks) was named J. Higgins.




Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:30 | Link to Comment vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

That's some real life Tom Clancy novel shit right there, nice one.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:41 | Link to Comment Sinnedi
Sinnedi's picture


CFR is in control of american media.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:43 | Link to Comment Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

It gets my dick hard thinking of a Running Man show for the criminal bankers! Jail is too good for them.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:45 | Link to Comment yield_curver
yield_curver's picture


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:05 | Link to Comment yield_curver
yield_curver's picture

Running Man crew. Nice. I'd love to see SubZero hit him hard with the razor hockey stick.

Arnold: "I'll be back.";Damon Killian: "Only in a re-run."

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:44 | Link to Comment jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

kenny's in paraguay at bush's hacienda

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:09 | Link to Comment Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Elvis performs duets with Whitney on Saturdays. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:19 | Link to Comment Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

Elvis died of gluttony. Whitney was a human sacrifice.

There's a difference.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:51 | Link to Comment HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

Elvis ate BBQ Whitney? [ewww]

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:21 | Link to Comment Lost Word
Lost Word's picture

Elvis death was a fake. Elvis was living at least a decade later in Michigan and Alabama.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:18 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Credit Suiss Swingline Stapler Suicide.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:16 | Link to Comment debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

I thought there were no losses at JPM.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:13 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

Amatuer bungee jumper, he bought a 100ft cord for a 100ft jump.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:57 | Link to Comment negative rates
negative rates's picture

Or bumped his head on a pole at high speed.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:07 | Link to Comment One of We
One of We's picture

Stuck in the gears of a combine?  Nuts bit off by a Laplander?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:17 | Link to Comment Zero Point
Zero Point's picture

Fell down a lift shaft.

Onto some bullets.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:33 | Link to Comment Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

I think he was run through with a big samarui sword weilded by a tall, dreadlocked wearing, black woman from Atlanta.

But the good news is that she did not cut off his arms and jaw, so he could be made into a pet.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:09 | Link to Comment AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Things that make you go hmmmm.....

Ryan Henry Crane - Head of program trading desk. He over saw all of the program trades and was familiar with all of the software( trade platforms) that these trades were done in. This job works closely with the London desk. And who died last week in London? That’s right Gabriel Magee. The man who jumped off the 33rd floor of Canary Wharf. What was his post? Head of IT and trade platforms. Meaning he had access to information that Ryan Henry Crane would also have been able to access.

The gist of the many obituaries describes his death as a sudden, tragic loss.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:55 | Link to Comment Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Great post, Alaric

Funny, after reading the obituary I felt guilty for joking about these banker deaths on earlier posts. Why? As has been mentioned in many posts....some of these bankers are likely the good ones...the whistleblowers...or whatever.

Pretty sick state of affairs. Par for the course, lately.  

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:11 | Link to Comment john39
john39's picture

I don't know about good.  but maybe at risk of getting cold feet or developing a conscience

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:16 | Link to Comment Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Could be, John 39. 

However, there are upright and moral people in the most unsavory of places. Except DC of course.  

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:32 | Link to Comment seek
seek's picture

... or at risk of accepting a plea bargin in exchange for testimony.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:33 | Link to Comment Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture

you know, loose lips sink ships. so far, it's only the potentially loose-lips, non-compliant goyim that die. but the kosher ones are still ok, tight, and benefiting from the financial and fraudulent racket; same as it ever was.  simple, loose lips must go; or die in these cases.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:51 | Link to Comment Keyser
Keyser's picture

They are just tying up loose ends and removing anyone that is a risk on the inside or anyone capable of discovering their subterfuge. Anyone else that is or was connected to these implied JPM clandestine activities is probably quite nervous about now. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:40 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

This is why you do what Julain Assange did and rig up a deadman's switch; just make sure that the bad guys know about it!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:30 | Link to Comment Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

Connecting the dots...of death.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:19 | Link to Comment Boozer
Boozer's picture

Very astute observation Alaric...

Enjoy your posts.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:56 | Link to Comment Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

"Obviously he jumped, or shot a nail thru his body"


That's shot 7 or 8 nails into his CHEST and HEAD.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:27 | Link to Comment DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

If you were going to send a clear and concise message to the whole industry, wouldn't this be a great way to make sure people keep their mouths shut?

Exploding mercedes, anyone?


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:55 | Link to Comment Pseudo Anonym
Pseudo Anonym's picture


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:26 | Link to Comment Lost Word
Lost Word's picture

Michael Hastings.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:48 | Link to Comment Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Sadly, suicides occur in clusters like these recent deaths because these people knew or knew of others working in the same stressful jobs who took "the easy way out"

So we may well see many more such deaths in the near future.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:30 | Link to Comment SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

You don't really buy that, do you?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:57 | Link to Comment JimS
JimS's picture

Yep, especially with nail guns. Happens all the time. >S<

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:00 | Link to Comment King_Julian
King_Julian's picture

One is chance. Two is coincidence. Three is enemy action.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:26 | Link to Comment Lost Word
Lost Word's picture

Like 9-11. The enemy being the United States Government.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:43 | Link to Comment css1971
css1971's picture

Hmmmm. Going long Paslode.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:55 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Yeah, because there's such an epidemic of nail-gun suicides going on these days.

What's truly sad is if you believe what you just wrote.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:57 | Link to Comment FMR Bankster
FMR Bankster's picture

I'd say ZH will be able to go with this story every day if they want. Kind of like the missing white girl or shark bite stories every August when the news is slow. The half dozen largest banks have 1 million plus employees total, several kick the bucket every day. And when your whole life has been a success and you get RIF'ed, well, some don't make the adjustment well. So it's not all accidents or illness. I've worked around these places. There are top people who could care less about how results are achieved only that they are and they get their bonus. Most of the people a few rungs down the ladder operate like postal workers or goverment employees. Just trying to hang on to their jobs and keep collecting their paycheck. Yuppie Nuremburg defense, everybody has a mortgage to pay.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:31 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Maybe the guy had a heart attack. It's hysterical how we all decided how he died and that he was clearly a whistleblower. I say we run with the assumption that he was in charge of implementing the Myra program. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:35 | Link to Comment SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

The odds favor someting other than natural causes.  Is it possible?  Sure.  But heart attacks in 37 years olds is uncommon.

The fact that his colleague also mysteriously died recently raises suspicions, no?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:05 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

he's 37. according to one of the articles his name was "The gentle giant". so perhaps he was out of shape. that job is prone to stress, bad eating/drinking habits and possible alcohol and/or drug overuse. but i don't know what happened and neither does ZH or anyone else. I'm 37. one of my college roomates just passed away from a blood clot that formed and killed him. very unexpected but it happens.

as for his colleague, yeah it's strange I guess. but that's as far as i'd go.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:04 | Link to Comment One of We
One of We's picture

Do you work for the Clinton's?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:19 | Link to Comment Arius
Arius's picture

one doesnt have to work for Clintos you moron to have some common sense ... this is just common sense ... people die of heart attacks even at an earlier age ... dahhhh

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:39 | Link to Comment tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Going with that common sense meme; wouldn't a heart attack or possible heart attack be quickly listed as cause of death if that were the case as opposed to the mystery? 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:42 | Link to Comment tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

of course it would take longer to find out in the case of - man has heart attack and falls into wood chipper.


sorry to reply to my own comment but someone had to.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:56 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Quickly listed where? If it in public records I presume we will know at some point. 

I can tell you that my friends cause of death was a blood clot that started in his leg and ended up going towards his heart and it killed him. I know this because I was close to him. If I were to google it I would not find his cause of death anywhere. 

edit - I just did some snooping. It was a suicide...human tragedy, and he left a note.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:49 | Link to Comment emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

fonz, sorry about your friend.  i appreciate your follow up, thank you.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:11 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

thanks for that

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:47 | Link to Comment Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Just answer the question and stop obfuscating.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:29 | Link to Comment Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

No, his stupidity is unpaid.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:16 | Link to Comment Oleander
Oleander's picture

Saw his photo on Facebook. Looked healthy and stong. Not a flabby guy.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:44 | Link to Comment TORNasunder
TORNasunder's picture

Coincidence Meter

1 coincidence = possible
2 coincidences = suspicious
3+ coincidences = plan

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:56 | Link to Comment JimS
JimS's picture

Yeah, around here, where I live, people are getting shot 6,7,8 times with a nail gun, about the head and body, all the time. Always suicide. >NOT<  Just an accident/suicide, move along, nothing to see here. >sac<

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 23:54 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

This is why I keep the hammer in a different part of the garage from the nails. :>D

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:29 | Link to Comment SamAdams
SamAdams's picture

Here is a simple explanation of why bankers keep suiciding themselves.

Usually, the simplest explanation is correct....  Things generally are very simple, aka rational, logical, reasonable.  When things don't make sense, you are only getting part of the information (spin) or the story is a lie.  Obfuscation is a tool, to make you think things are too complicated to bother understanding.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:32 | Link to Comment Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

County employee guy here just blew his brains out in his car a few months ago after the gauntlet closed in around him.  Fuker was living in a damned mansion, throwing lavish parties, having a grand ol' time... and just a wastin' the taxpayers money away and flowing into a few faux companies of his.  Good thing he saved us all the burden of a trial and incarceration expenses.  Maybe at least the fire dept. got a little overtime washing his blood down the gutter.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:40 | Link to Comment Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:07 | Link to Comment gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Would that show up in Carfax...?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:35 | Link to Comment Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

Perhaps not.  I know I luminol the ceiling of every car I buy.  Just to make sure.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:42 | Link to Comment KickIce
KickIce's picture

Sure, under custom upholstery designs.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 20:53 | Link to Comment MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Bad, bad, bad doggie! ;-)

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:50 | Link to Comment centerline
centerline's picture

More and more stories surfacing about government waste, poor management, unethical (and potentially illegal) actions by elected officials, etc.  Heat is definately getting turned up as the money is running out.  System is going to cannabalize itself.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:58 | Link to Comment Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture



We have a WINNnnaahhhh  !!!!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:05 | Link to Comment Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture's not the exception, it's the rule.

"Centinela Valley schools chief amassed $663,000 in compensation in 2013"

Centinela is made up of just three comprehensive high schools and a continuation school in Hawthorne and Lawndale.

His total compensation even eclipsed that of John Deasy, superintendent of the Los Angeles Unified School District, the nation’s second-largest school system. Deasy’s base salary is $330,000 this school year and his gross compensation is just shy of $390,000, according to the LAUSD. But the district enrolls more than 650,000 students while Centinela Valley serves about 6,600.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:34 | Link to Comment Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

"The Talent" strikes again...

A former board member for a charter school district has been charged with stealing $750,000 in the largest charter school theft in California history. Jeremy Landau, 43, Sherman Oaks, is charged with 13 felony counts of money laundering, two felony counts of misappropriation of public funds, and one felony count of conflict of interest in a sale and purchase.

The defendant is accused of asking the other board members for $750,000 from CAVEP’s account with the promise of a $3 million return donation in January 2014. Landau is accused of using his position on the board to influence the other members to vote in his favor regarding the funds.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:45 | Link to Comment walküre
walküre's picture

The board obviously believed Landau was "Merlin" because they live and breathe Hollywood there.

Give me $750,000 and I will turn it into $3,000,000, I will quadruple the money right before your very eyes...

Poof! And it's gone!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:26 | Link to Comment CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:50 | Link to Comment game theory
game theory's picture

Only widespread municipal bankruptcies will help the US escape from the clutches of its own gov't workers. I'd like to use the quote "what is unsustainable will not be sustained"...but it hardly seems approriate since apparently running years of trillion dollar deficits and devaluing the dollar appear to have no consequences. Isn't the Krugman recipe for saving the economy to add a few zeros to all these gov't workers pay? 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:35 | Link to Comment zelator
zelator's picture

He didn't notice that the light had changed.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:04 | Link to Comment SamAdams
SamAdams's picture

the music in my head

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:28 | Link to Comment Liquid Courage
Liquid Courage's picture

Eight nail-gun holes in banker Talley's hide

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:36 | Link to Comment Lost Word
Lost Word's picture

Because the Democrats banned real guns?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:00 | Link to Comment TaperProof
TaperProof's picture

You mean he actually felt guilty?   He shouldnt have been living like a sociopath if he wasn't really a sociopath. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:29 | Link to Comment Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

this was in remembrance of him obviously...

always at the London close...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:39 | Link to Comment EARLPEARL
EARLPEARL's picture

i had a brother in law who did that just a few hours after he beat the hell out of my sister and nephew.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:56 | Link to Comment Translational Lift
Translational Lift's picture

Good work.............

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:47 | Link to Comment tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:21 | Link to Comment corporatewhore
corporatewhore's picture
  • or found naked in a locked gymbag submerged in a bathtub.
  • case closed--suicide
Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:12 | Link to Comment Keyser
Keyser's picture

Or being bound, hung in a closet and choked to death. Yep, suicide. The David Carradine story is stranger than fiction.


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:13 | Link to Comment yield_curver
yield_curver's picture

Like Gary Webb. He supposedly killed himself by shooting himself twice in the head with his opposite hand (I think the opposite hand part is correct. Check Wikipedia to verify, if it's of any concern). "Gary Stephen Webb was an American investigative reporter best known for his 1996 "Dark Alliance" series of articles written for the San Jose Mercury News and later published as a book."

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:01 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Prediction:  It's a fad.  This too shall pass.  When there are no more loose ends or loose cannons.

Advice to Banksters who are "loose ends" or "loose cannons":  Let that cannon loose while you can, with Zero forewarning -- no warning shots across the corporate bow.  Just let 'er rip!  You're a dead man walking wither way, but at least you'll go out in style:  (a) Send a public-service message, and (b) Be remembered.  They might name a school after you some day, for being a "true patriot".

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:38 | Link to Comment Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

"...its a fad."


Are these guys insecure high schools girls who only want attention?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:30 | Link to Comment vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

They might even put your face on a piece of currency!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:03 | Link to Comment Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

Someone read the book "Term Limits" and took it seriously or

These guys were going to come clean like snowden

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:20 | Link to Comment seek
seek's picture

No, they weren't going to come clean. They likely would, however, testify as to what they knew and what they did as part of a plea deal.

And that leads to the bigger issue -- JPM, GS, HSBC -- all of these guys get to break the law with impunity, over and over, and there's no issue or suicide/murder/evidence clean-up. This means that whatever is going on here is really big, and involves parties external to JPM with massive amounts of political power. Most likely this means nation-level actors.

My guess is that JPM was grifting on top of some other sanctioned scam (ala LIBOR or what have you) and got caught, or did something detrimental for a major nation. (I could see them being a clearinghouse for stolen German gold or something similar resulting in moves like this.)

If there's anyone else that knows what's going on inside, they've got to be shitting bricks about now.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:00 | Link to Comment emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

the bankocracy will ensure its survival.  it reminds me of slaves being openly flogged to maintain servitude.

Thu, 02/13/2014 - 01:56 | Link to Comment jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

There only hope is to flee to Russia and bunk with Snowden......then spill the beans and hope the whole system comes down.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:14 | Link to Comment franciscopendergrass
franciscopendergrass's picture

lol ... Too Soon

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:27 | Link to Comment Obchelli
Obchelli's picture

May be he was short... Than again JP Sh|t never loses money on trades ever... The fact that graduatres with main subject "European History" get such high positions regarding trading is disturbing - or just shows the fuct that you do not have to know anything just click the buttons your boss tells you... Cavemen can do it

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:55 | Link to Comment Agent P
Agent P's picture

A degree in Eurpean History matters long as it's printed on a Harvard diploma...that's what's gets you in the club. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:06 | Link to Comment Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

Agent, I noticed that -what the hell does a degree in European History do to get you to that level in a bank of that calibre?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:42 | Link to Comment Chaos_Theory
Chaos_Theory's picture

His thesis was charting the trading strategies of the Medici family.   

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:37 | Link to Comment Lost Word
Lost Word's picture

History of European Banking?

History of the Roth-schilds?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:10 | Link to Comment aerojet
aerojet's picture

That plus the fall down the elevator shaft onto those bullets.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:17 | Link to Comment Remington IV
Remington IV's picture

Delbarton........ hmmmmmmmm

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:18 | Link to Comment smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

i think the problem may be...these could be the gooder guys...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:23 | Link to Comment fonestar
fonestar's picture

Does anyone believe someone works for these firms for more than a few weeks or months without knowing the level of fraud they are involved in?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:34 | Link to Comment SamAdams
SamAdams's picture

See my comment above ^  .  I think these are the gooder guys. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:33 | Link to Comment fonestar
fonestar's picture

Once you're done being green there you turn black.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:05 | Link to Comment MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

...and eventually it becomes normalized in one's own head because it is required to stay approximately sane.

Occasionally, one gets a glimpse of how deeply they delude themselves everyday, but that can be remedied with alcohol, drugs etc and when those things stop working, there's always a NailGun.


(btw I'm not trying to say that I think the nailgun deal was likely a suicide)

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:32 | Link to Comment dogbreath
dogbreath's picture

Don't you belong on the bitcoin threads,  Get lost.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:21 | Link to Comment Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

it would be real sad if the truth of these recent banker deaths were that these were the ones who wanted to rat out the industry of all its greed and deceit but were taken out to keep their mouth shut permanently and to keep this big fuckin financial system from impending collapse.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:26 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It's a high probability that is the case. Low level guys who know just enough to bring down their bosses are being suicided to protect the upper echelon.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:50 | Link to Comment john39
john39's picture

it could backfire though... this might force some on the fence to jump ship and spill their guts as a preemptive move, knowing that bankers eat their own children and surely have no problem killing underlings to make sure the truth never gets out.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:26 | Link to Comment Thought Processor
Thought Processor's picture


Every banker in the know with regard to this investigation should at the very least have a fail safe back up with all details that goe public in case of his or her death.

Sadly it looks as though the good guys are the ones being suicided here.


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:48 | Link to Comment walküre
walküre's picture

Snowden was pretty low level IT guy at NSA and he got away. Imagine one of the IT guys at the banks spills about the manipulation of the entire exchanges and stock markets. LIBOR, London Whale and all that would be just the tips of the iceberg.

This looks like a preventive clean-up effort.

The industry is a sham, the markets are a farce. We know it but we don't have proof.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:06 | Link to Comment emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

bankers are not saturn, john39, they eat the children of others, never their own.  certainly employess are not family, not even remotely.  employees obviously are deemed fodder.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:50 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

One to beam up.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:05 | Link to Comment e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Don't you mean down?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:10 | Link to Comment aerojet
aerojet's picture

That is deeply cynical, but knowing what I know about the whole situation, it is also a strong likelihood.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:32 | Link to Comment One World Mafia
One World Mafia's picture

Those in the know should be keeping a file with instructions of specific media to hand it over to when they die.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:35 | Link to Comment Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

If you work in the financial industry, do your duty to your fellow citizens and decry your allegiance to the bankers. You can be the next crusader like Snowden that takes down the financial system.

Maybe this is a signal to all low level bankers from those above doing God's work like Blankfiend and Jamie Bad Taste Dimon...STFU or DIE!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:44 | Link to Comment One World Mafia
One World Mafia's picture

They better STFU until they quietly leak cause they are being watched all the time.  Computers, phones, refrigerators, TVs, etc all NSA ready.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:00 | Link to Comment TN Jed
TN Jed's picture

I can just see the internal memo reminder:

"Such a shame about Ryan what's-his-face.  Left behind a wife, kid and a big mouth. Such a shame.  Well, happy fleecing out there this week so chins up, mouths shut and we'll all get home alive.  Oh, and I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday ok?  Yeah, that'd be great."

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:46 | Link to Comment Bullionaire
Bullionaire's picture

The old story about the gambling table: if you look around and can't identify the sucker, IT'S YOU.

Note to bankers: financial fraud is not a victimless crime. If you can't identify the victim, it just might be YOU.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!