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Another JPMorgan Banker Dies, 37 Year Old Executive Director Of Program Trading

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Ordinarily we would ignore the news of another banker's death - after all these sad events happen all the time - if it wasn't for several contextual aspects of this most recent passage. First, the death in question, as reported by the Stamford Daily Voice is that of Ryan Henry Crane, a Harvard graduate, who is survived by his wife, son and parents at the very young age of 37. Second, Ryan Henry Crane was formerly employed by JPMorgan - a bank which was featured prominently in the news as recently as two weeks ago when another of its London-based employees committed suicide by jumping from the top floor of its Canary Wharf building. Third: Crane was an Executive Director in JPM's Global Program Trading desk, founded in 1999 by an ex-DE Shaw'er, a function of the firm which is instrumental to preserving JPM's impeccable and (so far in 2013) flawless trading record of zero trading losses.

There was little detail surrounding the death:

Ryan Henry Crane of Stamford died Monday, Feb. 3. He was 37.

 

Crane was born Jan. 8, 1977, and grew up in Long Valley, N.J. He graduated from The Delbarton School in Morristown in 1995. He graduated from Harvard University in 1999, after which he spent the next 14 years at J.P. Morgan in New York. He was an executive director in the Global Equities Group.

 

Crane is survived by his wife, Lauren (nee Pizzotti); son, Harry; parents Mary Jo and Lex of Long Valley, N.J.; brother, Lex of Denver, Colo.; sister, Allison; brother-in-law, John Archard of Arvada, Colo.; parents-in-law, Steve and Carol Pizzotti of Reading, Mass.; brothers- and sisters-in-law, David and Heather Pizzotti of Upper Arlington, Ohio, Stephen and Kristin Pizzotti and Chris and Felicia Pizzotti of Reading, Mass.; five nephews, three nieces; aunts, uncles; and cousins.

 

Calling hours are Sunday, Feb. 9 from 3 to 7 p.m. at the Leo P. Gallagher Funeral Home, 31 Arch St., Greenwich. A Mass of Christian Burial will be held at 11 a.m. Monday, Feb. 10 at St. Catherine of Siena Church, Riverside. Interment will be held at 1 p.m. Tuesday, Feb. 11 at Puritan Lawn Memorial Park in Peabody, Mass.

Crane's LinkedIn profile confirming his senior position at one of JPM's most important market-facing verticals:

 

Below is his Finra BrokerCheck profile. Aside from having a license to trade virtually anything and anywhere as someone with his skillset would be expected to, his history was spotless:

 

The circumstances surrounding his death are scarce, but what is most notable is that not only is Crane the second very young JPMorgan banker to pass in recent days, but is also the fourth banker death in under a month. We can only hope this disturbing chain of deaths within the financial industry - one of which involved a nail-gun induced suicide - is purely accidental.

h/t SGT Report

 

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Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:13 | 4429615 aerojet
aerojet's picture

These individuals probably didn't even see it coming.  They may not have even been planning on stepping forward.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:17 | 4428366 ilikepies
ilikepies's picture

Why are you posting dog shit here when you should be on the phone with Mt gox pleading for an easy out? 

 

Third option is getting trendy. Yes humans can fly.  Until gravity takes over and you.....

 

Jump

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Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:16 | 4428370 whatthecurtains
whatthecurtains's picture

He must have invested in Bitcoin.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:56 | 4428577 caShOnlY
caShOnlY's picture

Bytecoin........ is it really there?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:15 | 4428083 Prisoners_dilemna
Prisoners_dilemna's picture

"We can only hope this disturbing chain of deaths within the financial industry - one of which involved a nail-gun induced suicide - is purely accidental."

What??!!

Maybe I'm a callous asshole....   but I hope these accidents pick up speed. For the sake of our species as a whole.

 

I heard of this dark web site called "Assassination Marketplace".  I wonder if that has anything to do with this.

If so then this shows a very unique utility for bitcoin.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:20 | 4428112 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

As I mentioned below, these deaths do us no good, as these people represent the evidence needed to prove the criminality at the top of the bankster chain.

Now, do you really think that destruction of evidence is going to improve the world one little bit?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:24 | 4428130 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

lack of proof has zero to do with it

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:34 | 4428171 One World Mafia
One World Mafia's picture

It's who you leak to that counts.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:38 | 4428187 Prisoners_dilemna
Prisoners_dilemna's picture

Good point.

None the less they are complicit. I have a hard time believing theyre the "good guys".

"I'm just doing my job" is no excuse for a lack of conscience.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:19 | 4428393 USofAzzDownWeGo
USofAzzDownWeGo's picture

Can this spread over to Goldman please??????? The this country might be headed in the right direction.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:10 | 4428670 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

It would need to spread to most major buildings within the DC beltway and then into many office buildings on major universities and then throughout all the major media headquarters...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:08 | 4429601 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I've no doubt that they were complicit. You don't work your way into these jobs by being stupid. What I'm proposing is that they are NOT responsible for the firm's decisions, but merely their execution.

Thing is, when you get a new job, you start out innocent, then slowly learn how shit really works. Eventually you realize the rot is systemic, and there is no other option (thanks to the CBs undermining the financial system). So... what do you do?

A) Abandon your current life of physical comfort, or

B) STFU and GBTW (and self-medicate)?

Any conscience they have is trumped by the need to retain their salary.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:15 | 4429622 aerojet
aerojet's picture

What is more likely:  That some shadowy individual or group is now killing off low-level banksters as some kind of revenge plot, or that the oligarchs are typing up loose ends by doing away with potential whistleblowers?  

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:20 | 4428116 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Asshole or not, I agree.  And I have a correction to the article:

- after all these happy events happen all the time -

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:41 | 4428205 sgorem
sgorem's picture

........."after all these sad events happen all the time".......there's nothing sad about the demise of Bankers, Lawyers, or Politicians in this day & age........

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:16 | 4429636 aerojet
aerojet's picture

A child losing their father is pretty sad.  Kids need dads, even dads who work in a den of thieves may have some redeeming qualities.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:54 | 4428273 goatmug
goatmug's picture

I guess he won't be nominated to fill the CFTC advisory position in place of Blythe Masters now.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:12 | 4428348 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Hmmm . . . ZH.   Very thin story.

No details on the cause of death at all . . . . yet mention of suicides by other JPM bankers ?

People die every day, even relatively young men.

 Tell us when you get some details that matter.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:17 | 4429274 Strom
Strom's picture

The most common cause of death among males aged 35-44 in the United States is suicide, so I don't think it's that huge a leap...

 

http://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/usa-cause-of-death-by-age-and-gender

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:06 | 4430518 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

"I don't think it's that huge a leap..."

Yeah, it could be a nail gun, an embankment,...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:03 | 4430698 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Well, actually you're wrong even assuming the data in that link is current & correct.

 

Using that data the odds that something other than suicide was the cause of death is better than 85%.

Even though it lists suicide as the number one cause of death in that age group, its only about 15% of the total deaths for that age group.

 

So actually, you helped make my point.

Given that we have No information, the odds are that he didn't die from suicide.

P.S. - thanks for posting the link. Very interesting info and nicely formatted.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:19 | 4428378 USofAzzDownWeGo
USofAzzDownWeGo's picture

The J's at gs are on a killing spree because too many people have dirt on them.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:52 | 4428554 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Another non-tribe member dies.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:57 | 4428873 janus
janus's picture

tis odd they've all been gentile names.

a most peculiar thing indeed.

and i don't think we're the only one's taking note of that oddity.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:59 | 4428882 walküre
walküre's picture

9/11

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:40 | 4429403 Herodotus
Herodotus's picture

Yes, it's like when Cantor got tipped off and stayed home from work that fateful day, but poor old Fitzgerald never got the word and was burned alive or crushed in the falling tower.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:49 | 4429138 Creeps
Creeps's picture

Vinny Forlano: He won't talk. Stone is a good kid. Stand-up guy, just like his old man. That's the way I see it.

Vincent Borelli: I agree. He's solid. A fuckin' Marine.

Americo Capelli: He's okay. He always was. Remo, what do you think?

Remo Gaggi: Look... why take a chance? At least, that's the way I feel about it.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:38 | 4429382 Herodotus
Herodotus's picture

This is very similar to the incidents that took place several years ago when a group of mean-spirited Republicans purposely set fire to black churches across the south.

 

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 01:12 | 4438880 gonetogalt
gonetogalt's picture

Herodotus, seems to be a new crop here, better use the /sarc tag...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:41 | 4429401 BugOut
BugOut's picture

What was the cause of death, the article doesn't say.  Another sucide blunt force trauma type?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:54 | 4430920 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

Do you miss the nail gun explanation?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:49 | 4429469 BugOut
BugOut's picture

What was the cause of death I can't tell by ready the article.  Was it sucide by blunt force trauma?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:34 | 4429972 TruthDetector
TruthDetector's picture

Murders to prevent FOREX FRAUD Whistle Blowing

http://www.silverdoctors.com/jim-willie-on-bankster-suicides-bankers-wer...

"Three people can keep a secret as long as two of them are DEAD."

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:13 | 4430750 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Looks like some wet work team is in a major hurry for some reason.  This is getting crazy.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:13 | 4430753 algol_dog
algol_dog's picture

This is where extraordinary talent and brilliance goes in this day & age. To shaving thousandths of a penny off a million trades a day? What a waste of brain matter ... 

Thu, 02/13/2014 - 05:31 | 4431546 The.Harmless.Who
The.Harmless.Who's picture

 

Rest in peace - if innocent.  

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:12 | 4428051 achmachat
achmachat's picture

RIP and may those responsible be brought to justice!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:15 | 4428074 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

Justice? Your god doesn't live here. If you want to hope for something, hope this is the start of a purge.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:17 | 4428092 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Thing is, these are likely low-level operatives that are being purged to protect their bosses from scrutiny.

Human firewalls.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:17 | 4428094 Zero_Sum
Zero_Sum's picture

Touche'.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:29 | 4428147 Shleprock
Shleprock's picture

Good start me thinks!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:12 | 4428052 glaucon was right
glaucon was right's picture

Oh no!

Why just one

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:10 | 4428055 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Oh shit, they're killing quants now.

Jamie must be very very very very very very very DIRTEEEE..............

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:12 | 4428056 Stonedog
Stonedog's picture

It's an epidemic!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:18 | 4428088 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

Apparently it only affects “wealthy” high lvl bankers.

Guess i missed that bullet


Or nail gun

Or rope,

Or bridge

or the top of JPM building in london

 

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:32 | 4428174 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Correction, it wasn't a bridge. It was a 50' embankment.

Honestly, at least two of these deaths were the result of "suicide" pathways I would have never considered. I'd have to be strung out on some heavy duty shit to shoot myself 7-8 times with a nail gun. And throwing myself down a 50' embankment means I've gone full retard.

I think a message is being sent, especially with the nail gun bullshit. You have to fire up a compressor to use the nail gun, so it isn't what anyone would consider quiet. Then the multiple shots to wherever sure smacks of torture.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:06 | 4429210 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

The message is spread over 10 time zones by the 'Rotchild-Morgan illuminati' that they can nail you anywhere on earth with impunity if you might go Snowden on them.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:13 | 4428060 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Dead men tell no tales.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:39 | 4428209 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Dead men with no insurance policies tell no tales.

Anyone employed by a large bank or industrial concern with even half a brain has an insurance policy.

Anyone of those who would actually consider biting the hand that feeds them, would have a hell of lot more than just an insurance policy.

Which is why I don't buy the "being mass suicided" line.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:43 | 4428817 dynomutt
dynomutt's picture

You may have unintentionally hit upon a motive for this method of death for possible bad actor perpetrators.  It may help narrow down the list of suspects.

 

Whoever is doing this probably doesn't want the insurance company to pay out.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:51 | 4429154 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

That would be unintentional, since I was thinking of all those one-touch backup USB hard disks that are often connected to banking executives laptops when they're working from home or on the road (or the CYA memorandum that implicated the BoE when it was decided that a certain currency trader was now acceptable collateral damage by TPTB).

Lanny Breuer and the human lawn jockey AG weren't being completely honest in their excuses for not prosecuting TBTF/TBTPs...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:53 | 4429496 Lost Word
Lost Word's picture

Pan Am insurance company tried hard to prove Pan Am 103 bombing was not Pan Am's security fault, by linking it to the Government approved insider DIA and DEA drug smuggling out of Lebanon.

Government won the coverup battle. Insurance company lost.

Insurance company for TWA 800 failed in attempt to blame missile attack, coverup by US Government.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:11 | 4428061 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Where have all the bankers gone, long time passing?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:55 | 4428290 petolo
petolo's picture

Corzine Island?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:11 | 4428063 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

When is it Janet Yellen's turn? 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:45 | 4428231 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

I'll settle for Geithner, Paulson, Greenspan, Bernanke, Rubin! One or all in no particular order ,unfortunately these individuals are way too sociopathic to take the decent way out!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:11 | 4428066 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Spontaneous combustion?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:22 | 4428117 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Bankers are going like 70's rock drummers. Twenty bucks says the next to go chokes on his own vomit in his sleep after a long night of champagne and oysters.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:49 | 4428245 Bullionaire
Bullionaire's picture

Whose vomit?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:50 | 4428259 BC6
BC6's picture

You can't really dust for vomit.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:20 | 4430786 Bernankenstein
Bernankenstein's picture

New definition for HFT:  High Frequency Terminations

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:27 | 4428154 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Doesn't use a mirror, just stainless polished  by serfs.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:36 | 4428179 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Wouldn't rule it put at this point.

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:14 | 4428069 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   We've definitely got to start a bankers Dead Pool here at Z/H... This is just too good of an opportunity to pass up!

  Is there a good algo out there to scour the list of Head Banksters?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:28 | 4428145 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

well, let's see, the doj, sec, fbi, cftc, ferc, all "play ball" so none of them will ever be "hot tubbed".

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:07 | 4428341 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

The more telling list would be the ones that survive.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:36 | 4428070 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

Man, 2014 is a rough year for banksters.  Join the party, us regular folks have been having a rough go of it for 6 years. It's about time you joined us.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:12 | 4428072 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

bully for state schools!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:14 | 4428078 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

Canary in the coal mine gents.  Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Prepare accordingly.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:13 | 4428079 GoldRetriever
GoldRetriever's picture

Shine on, you crazy Dimon. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:36 | 4428190 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

That'll be the day.  He was singing 'Bye, bye, Miss American Pie...'

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:07 | 4430727 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

Or a "Cold Meat Pie"???

 

"Benny the Bouncer"...Emerson, Lake and Palmer

 

Maybe this is prescient? Benny "The Bouncer" Bernanke

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBw0SByRo1g

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:13 | 4428081 urbanelf
urbanelf's picture

Is this actually an unusual rate, or have we just not looked at the data before?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:31 | 4428159 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

i'd say it's definitely an unusual rate. I mean no one in financial services has ever died up until last year. Now we get one every so often. None of them actually in any real position of power. But "Banker death" is sure to drum up the page hits.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:14 | 4428082 TN Jed
TN Jed's picture

Only in death do we have a name. His name is Ryan Crane.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:15 | 4428087 doggis
doggis's picture

WE ALL KNOW THIS IS A HIT LIST!   POTENTIAL "WHISTLEBLOWERS' ARE BEING OFF'D. THE BANKING CARTEL IS BEING PROACTIVE HERE.

MAFIA TACTICS, FOR A MAFIA CARTEL!

 

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:21 | 4428123 BadDog
BadDog's picture

Right.  The weak links and whistleblowers are being systematically eliminated.  Chip Tatum recently gave an illuminating interview about his past activities in this field.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:38 | 4428204 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

Where is their insurance policy?  Hunting season on these people has a limited time window.  Once others realize they might be on a list, they will be taking precautions if they slip down the stairs. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:37 | 4429725 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

The smart ones started taking precautions after death #3 

The REALLY smart ones have had precautions in place all along.    The trick is avoiding any financial system link between them and the lawyers / agents tasked with the information release in case of death.

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:17 | 4428091 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

This is merely and coincidence and is in now way related to the corruption going on in the banking sector. Move along citizen and enjoy the Olympics. Remember....GO TEAM U.S.S.A!!!!!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:18 | 4428093 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Gettin closer to Dimon -Hopefully!

When that happens dinner at Pete Lugars or Sparks on the "house" for everyone at "ZH".

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:19 | 4428096 unrulian
unrulian's picture

slipped off a building, fell into a car that exploded from which he was ejected and bounced over a 1.6 meter railing, down a 50-60 foot embankment while shooting himself accidently with 8 air nails

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:20 | 4428121 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

shit happens

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:27 | 4428144 glaucon was right
glaucon was right's picture

Must be because of the bad weather. Winter blues and so on.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 22:59 | 4430944 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

But what really frightens me, is the sheeple do not question it...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:17 | 4428097 blabam
blabam's picture

Can I haz moar? 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:17 | 4428101 pacboot
pacboot's picture

I just can't help but think "Goodfellas". 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:38 | 4428185 TN Jed
TN Jed's picture

Banking yo.  Shit is gangsta.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:17 | 4428105 Sovereignbeing
Sovereignbeing's picture

What was the cause of death?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:23 | 4428127 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Five shots by a nail gun to the back of the head.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:37 | 4428195 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

five self inflicted shots by a nail gun to the back of the head.

there, fixed it for ya.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:40 | 4428203 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

...so suicide. ok.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:38 | 4428202 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture

Knowledge...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:19 | 4428106 Crabshacker
Crabshacker's picture

I'm going by the spot where the guy jumped the rail and fell down the embankment today. Going to stop and take pics', who (how) can I send them to here who can post them. Send me info.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:12 | 4428350 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Just upload the photo somewhere and post the link here.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:00 | 4429536 Crabshacker
Crabshacker's picture

Ok, it's not an embankment  its a 40/50 ft. Drop. Still in my rig so can't post pics' yet but there's a traffic cam of the spot. Go to the link and the picture shows the fence he jumped and the wall. Found police tape tied to the fence(also came across the bridge that day and saw the popo there).Fence goes from 4ft to 5 back to 4. Also the only llace to park is 1/2 mile at the war memorial, so he either parked on the shoulder or wakled from the park. The spot where he most likely jumped is about 2/3rds down the walk. Houses on the other side. Only other place to jump and die is off the bridge....traffic cam photo.....http://www.wsdot.com/traffic/tacoma/default.aspx?cam=1158

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:19 | 4428108 J Pancreas
J Pancreas's picture

In Borat voice: "Great success!!"

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:20 | 4428110 monad
monad's picture

Hope Mr. Crane left a kill switch insurance policy. How smart are these guys if they don't? At least as far back as Roberto Calvi, not one insurance policy. You're making it too easy, paper tigers.

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:21 | 4428113 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

Dropping like flies in a Trimz DDT wall papered room. Those were the good old days!

 

* Link opens in new window.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:19 | 4428114 aka9
aka9's picture

Maybe unusual, but hard to connect each dots to make any conspiracy theory, is there anything I am missing? what was the cause of his death this time?

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:57 | 4428865 Oleander
Oleander's picture

Unexpectedly - at home.  Who found him?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:20 | 4428118 KidHorn
KidHorn's picture

Hopefully he was an informant on an insider trading probe at JPM. How else is it possible to never have a losing day? The DOW drops 200 points and they still make money.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:20 | 4428120 Tinky
Tinky's picture

Sing like a Canary (Wharf).

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:20 | 4428122 Peter K
Peter K's picture

Réquiem ætérnam dona ei Dómine;

et lux perpétua lúceat ei.

Requiéscat in pace.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:42 | 4428226 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

"To be or not to be, that is the question".  "Not to be" then it is.
Blessed Oblivion:  No bosses, clients, wife or bratty kids to please, and no deity's ass to kiss for all eternity.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 23:51 | 4431052 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

"...and no deity's ass to kiss for all eternity."

 

You are hoping for that perhaps. But the Odds of that happening is almost an Infinitesimal  The odds that Deity exists are overwhelming.

 

Then you get an Eternity to regret your rejection.

 

Here is a quote from one of my favorite Physicists, Roger Penrose.

This now tells how precise the Creator's aim must have been, namely to an accuracy of one part in 1010123. This is an extraordinary figure. One could not possibly even write the number down in full in the ordinary denary notation: it would be 1 followed by 10123 successive 0's. Even if we were to write a 0 on each separate proton and on each separate neutron in the entire universe- and we could throw in all the other particles for good measure- we should fall far short of writing down the figure needed.

Roger Penrose, The Emperor's New Mind, 1989; Michael Denton, Nature's Destiny, The New York: The Free Press, 1998, p. 9

 

In practical terms, in mathematics, a probability of 1 in 1050 means "zero probability". In Engineering it is termed an ABSURDITY. 

 

Penrose's number is more than trillion trillion trillion times less than that. In short, Penrose's number tells us that the 'accidental" or "coincidental" creation of our universe is an impossibility.

 

Now you can wager on infinitesimals or the absurd if you desire. Of course the stakes of the wager, your life, is pretty extreme. That is an IRRATIONAL choice. But you are free to make it if you so choose.

 

Do you know where the number 10123 comes from? Have you ever studied the Physical Universal Constants?

 

The Existence of the Universe is my Empirical Evidence.

 

Infinity is an abomination to a Physicist. There is no Empirical Evidence for that. You can speculate about a Multiverse. But then how did that originate?

 

Hell if I knew that there was not a God then I would have checked out a long time ago. There is just too much Pain and Misery here. It will become a lot worse...before it gets even worse.  (And I am advantaged and EXPERIENCE that. Then I wonder just how much more the disadvantaged are suffering.)

 

Why do the facts about this upset you so?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:23 | 4428126 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

Good start the past few weeks - but not enough momentum yet

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:24 | 4428128 topshelfstuff
topshelfstuff's picture

another in LONDON, must be easy to do there ... remember the Phone-Hacking scandal with Ruppert Murdoch's outfit?, you're not supposed to remember it, but there was also a bunch of suspicious "Suicides" before it all got swept under the rug

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:25 | 4428131 PlausibleDenial
PlausibleDenial's picture

Eurpoean History.... fuck and I thought math was important.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:26 | 4428134 Conax
Conax's picture

Hoots of derision should be reserved until they tell his cause of death.  He might have had a congenital heart defect or something.  If he didn't it would mean he might have been a potential whistleblower, and a friend to muppets everywhere.  Again, hoots of derision would be inappropriate but understandable.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:24 | 4428137 Its_the_economy...
Its_the_economy_stupid's picture

If they are not careful, banker suicide will soon top that of Dentists which has been the benchmark for professional suicide for decades.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:24 | 4428138 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

"Once is happenstance.  Twice is coincidence.  Three times is enemy action."  Ian Fleming

 

And 5 times is a death squad...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:51 | 4428252 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Death squads, you say?  Just "doing God's work".  Someone needs to do his dirty work, no doubt.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:58 | 4428302 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

If these people are being murdered, it's probably for a pretty big reason.  Who is more dangerous, the killers or the killed?  Do you really think they're going to stop once their naughty list of bankers is exhausted? Who's next? Suicided and swept under the rug, no questions... Do you think that's in the public's best interest, or the interest of those doing the killing?

Things are getting very dangerous.    Make no mistake.

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:51 | 4428841 monad
monad's picture

You have to take out enough innocents to obscure the true mission objective.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:01 | 4428895 resurger
resurger's picture

JPM drew First Blood

JPM got Double Kill

JPM is on Killing Spree

JPM got Triple Kill

JPM got Mega Kill

JPM got Ultra Kill

JPM is Ownage

JPM is Dominating

JPM is Unstoppable

JPM is Wicked Sick

JPM got Monster Kill

JPM is Godlike

Holy Shittttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Rampageeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .........

good run guys

gg

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:25 | 4428140 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

These are the real evil-doers.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:27 | 4428141 Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

Coroner's report states he fell down the stairs 3 times.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:41 | 4428214 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Reminds me of the Chicago PD joke.

 

"How many cops does it take to push a man down a stairwell?"

 

"None, he fell."

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:30 | 4428148 zipit
zipit's picture

Jamie's WEP (Whistleblower Elimination Program) in action.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:12 | 4429244 Gankfest
Gankfest's picture

Their literally falling out of the sky! :D

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:27 | 4428152 Pumpkin
Pumpkin's picture

At what point do all these bankers realize that making a viral recording of what they actually know about who, may be the only thing that makes their untimely death irrellevant?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:33 | 4428168 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

Exactly.  If I were working in so much as a mail room at JP morgue, I'd wrap up a nice little insurance policy.  But to anyone interested, just because I don't work in banking, doesn't mean I don't have one. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:30 | 4428156 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

shot trying to escape? bolt of lightning? hang himself in his jail cell?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:38 | 4428189 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

I think his tie probably got stuck in the elevator.  Tragic accident. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:43 | 4428217 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

he fell asleep in his garage with his car running...

for 9,10,12, 24...whatever hrs.

and nobody came out to check on him or why there was a car running in the garage.

sad really.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:28 | 4428158 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

The trend is your friend.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:36 | 4428180 Dineroguru
Dineroguru's picture

Hey Lloyd and Jamie!  Monkey see monkey do?  How bout it?

 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:13 | 4429238 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

I wonder if Jamie has taken out life insurance policies on certain employees...

That might partially explain why "he's richer than youse".

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:37 | 4428188 GoldRetriever
GoldRetriever's picture

It's not a thrill to be killed by Chase. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:38 | 4428191 Dineroguru
Dineroguru's picture

Hey Lloyd and Jamie!  Monkey see monkey do, as usual? 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:38 | 4428192 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

stupid assholes with top level educations who do little else other than fuck their own clients to enhance corporate coffers

 

nice job on the family Crane - fucking coward!!!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:37 | 4428197 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Suicide by glue gun no doubt.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:02 | 4428317 Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

Stapler and pencil sharpener...electric set on max.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:41 | 4428210 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Bankstercide!!!

 

 

.  

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:48 | 4428249 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

LOL!  We used to play that song every time an employee quit.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:55 | 4428571 secured_party-c...
secured_party-creditor's picture

lmao....that's awesome

Thu, 02/13/2014 - 01:07 | 4431255 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

Soon the Gypsy Queen

In a glaze of Vaseline.

Will perform of Guillotine

What a Scene

What a Scene

Come inside the show's about to start

Guarenteed to blow your head apart

Come inside and get your Money's worth

It's the Greatest show on Heaven Hell or Earth

You gotta see the show

It's a dynamo

You gotta see the show

It's Rock and Roll.

 

Karn Evil 9 ~ Emerson Lake and Palmer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLS0Med0s6E

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:50 | 4428250 BandGap
BandGap's picture

He's a killer, Queen!

Guarenteed to blow your mind!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:40 | 4428211 OccupyTVstations
OccupyTVstations's picture

You'd think at least one of these bankers would have an 'insurance policy'... in case of death, mail these documents to the media.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:49 | 4429786 walküre
walküre's picture

Which person in media would touch this? Potentially see the same fate? Heroes don't come in six packs.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:42 | 4428212 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

It was Gov. Christes fault.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:44 | 4428221 F.A. Hayek
F.A. Hayek's picture

Did he at least wait until the bonus cleared in his account?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:44 | 4428223 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

Instead of committing suicide... what about they go postal in their office? Or man the fuck up and go to the press and tell everything about the scam that JPMorgan runs??

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:51 | 4428847 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Thats the 'tell' imo...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:45 | 4428234 Ghostdog
Ghostdog's picture

Keep um comin. Let's not slow this down

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:50 | 4428260 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

Don't get too excited or cheer their efficiency.  Once they've removed the targeted bankers from the board, they probably have others on that list. 

History rhymes:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

Martin Niemöller

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:02 | 4428308 bluskyes
bluskyes's picture

That's becasue Martin never slept with a loaded SKS under his bed.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:12 | 4428356 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

If they can take a helicopter of Navy Seals out without much question, don't think a rifle is going to save you from professional assasins. 

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