CNBC Talking Head Survival Guide

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Presented with no comment...

 

 

h/t @Not_Jim_Cramer

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Fri, 02/14/2014 - 16:51 | 4437544 Island_Dweller
Island_Dweller's picture

BTFD!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 16:55 | 4437556 Dear Infinity
Dear Infinity's picture

"S&P 500 below 25,000 is a buying opportunity, folks. Gold is a barbarous relic."

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 16:59 | 4437573 halfawake
halfawake's picture

Great add.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 16:58 | 4437577 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

I got something you can send to your prompter..., send this!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 17:04 | 4437597 Payable on Death
Payable on Death's picture

Cramer will read anything you put on that teleprompter. "Go fuck yourself Bernanke."

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 17:11 | 4437620 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

Mandy....."mine are real" ......may be the best truisms on CNBC I've heard......both of um

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 17:14 | 4437635 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Oh I would bang her brains out!!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 17:21 | 4437674 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Another one, Maria Fartiromo and Bob Pissani's

THE MARKETS ARE WAY OFF ITS LOWS OF THE DAY

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 18:35 | 4437889 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Anti-Cramer: BYE!-BYE!-BYE!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 19:26 | 4438030 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

Reality Check...

DJIA is up 10,000 pts in 4 years and anyone who didn't make some money off that is an epic loser.

If you weren't fully invested and long during $4 trillion of QE, you shouldn't be allowed to invest money [PERIOD].

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 19:46 | 4438098 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

And how exactly has value price discovery worked for the last four years? In the last four years you can't have called it "investing". You can't even have called it "speculating". At best, (and I seriously doubt this), you could have called it "gambling". Except for the fact that the game is totally and completely rigged. When the game is rigged, and I mean any game, it sucks to be a counterparty.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:25 | 4438200 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Please, ban me for LIFE!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 22:12 | 4438494 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

Plus 10000,

ZH "deniers" aside.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 22:35 | 4438553 spine001
spine001's picture

What CNBC or their talking heads DON'T talk about.
1) Janet Yellen said that if economic conditions deteriorate (read market goes down), the FED will change course and stop tapering.
2) No debt ceiling for the USA for more than a year.

After these two elements are in place who in his sane mind would worry about a market crash in fiat dollar terms? It'd be crazy.

You all should only worry about a fiat dollar crash in terms of its value in income producing assets.

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 02:10 | 4438928 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

I'm with this guy!

 

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 02:44 | 4438952 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

You are assuming that they want the market to keep going up.  Maybe they have a different plan.  Maybe that plan is to crash the market for one reason or another.  Since it is completely controlled & manipulated, money in the market is subject to the whims of those who do the manipulating.  Do you know for sure that they want it to only go up forever?

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 08:12 | 4439069 Zadok
Zadok's picture

Now der's sum telligence in day fer comment!

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 08:24 | 4439079 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

"Stock prices never drop."

 

...and if they do, we'll bail 'm out.

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 11:42 | 4439339 the6thBook
the6thBook's picture

Well, there is a chance that "untaper" would cause the realization that QE1, QE2, QE3, QE4?  all failed.  This could cause a loss in confidence that the Fed can rescue the economy stock market.

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 04:19 | 4439011 OH10DESERTER
OH10DESERTER's picture

you seem to have no clue what this site is about.

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 12:19 | 4439423 Bagbalm
Bagbalm's picture

But when to bail out?

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 17:13 | 4437625 Major Major Major
Major Major Major's picture

The lady doth protest too much! On tapering, this tells be that:

Tapering IS tightening

Tapering fears are not overblown

Tapering matters and the Fed is doing additional manipulation beyond tapering

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 00:10 | 4438765 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

There she blows!

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 10:21 | 4439199 fockewulf190
fockewulf190's picture

Can´t believe "You can´t eat gold!" isn´t on that list.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 17:20 | 4437644 HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

 "CKIN ETD VAUS ERSTN GUBL CHN Q SHNITZI GOURSIN BLKN

I been cleaning after this dumb ass cracker Giggin for 10 years, but I been hittin' it wit his woman for 12... Kno what I'm sayin' ni**a!... She likes her some chocolate"... Sharpton 4 President yo ~ I'm outta here"...

 

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 18:47 | 4437925 optimator
optimator's picture

Cramer should buy CNBS with his "Charity Fund", sign up Liesman and get rid of the rest of the cast.  Now that's a comedy worth watching!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:00 | 4438138 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

Isn't there a version of bingo we can play with these?

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 18:19 | 4437838 mendolover
mendolover's picture

But gold isn't backed by anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX8lx9Mglcg

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 18:26 | 4437855 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Sweet Jebus on a cracker, she was serious... 

 

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:08 | 4438165 ThroxxOfVron
ThroxxOfVron's picture

When I'm PAID to be serious I'm serious, too.

Seriously.

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 07:55 | 4439056 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Worth it's weight in _____?

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 21:00 | 4438305 bulldung
bulldung's picture

Hilarious, haven't laughed this hard in a while.Brainless.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:29 | 4438210 kevinduhand
kevinduhand's picture

Hey guys, I know most of you are anti-govrnment anti-Fed gold hoarding right wing terrorist , so what do you think about this patriotic comment from this youtube video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbhxPRamhHQ

  This Jim Willie Jackass thinks that American government and Fed's are dumb. I have news for you, the American government closed off their gold,silver and oil land for drilling and mining and call it the wildlife protection land in US. We are saving all that for the future when we used everyone's else.Then Fed's collected all that gold from all those countries way back when the Fed's issues bonds to all those countries worldwide who ship all their gold to Fed's when gold wasn't used as currency to print money anymore. Then Fed's print money to Americans Gov to build up their arm forces by doubling everyone military combine since WW2 to protect the Fed's Gold because they have the all the worlds gold in America. The Fed's have more gold then anybody can't imagine and still do. The Fed's have so much gold that no matter if the Chinese,India and Russia bought as much as they can every year, the Fed;s will still have 20 years and more of gold bars left over to sell them not counting the wildlife protection land that we are hiding all that gold,silver and oil in America. That why the United States will never crumb as number one power and the dollar will still be king for a long time. The United Sates Out smarted the Chinese and Russian in believing they could buy all the world gold and have no idea whats hiding in United States land and  Federal Gold reserve..
Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:30 | 4438212 kevinduhand
kevinduhand's picture

My father worked with the defense dept as a GS13 (government service rank) He was the man that had to buy jet fuel for the Air Force in the Iraq Shield war when we had just practically bombed them everyday. I asked my father, who's retired now, that everytime something happens that deals with America, you disappear for days to a week before it hit the news. He said "Son, my job is to get jet fuel bought from big oil companies and get them to a area nearest to effected area we are attacking so our jet and bombers will refuel up or we will be dead in the waters without it" He also told me that the gov. is hiding 2-3 hundreds years of oil in America and had not to used it until the world started to run out. Hopefully, years down the road, 2nd and 3rd world countries nations will start running out of oil and the USA will probably be off most of the oil supplies by then. Now the United States will start to drill and the world has to depend on us for hundred's of years in 2nd and 3rd world countries. The United States thinks ahead and a lot of people think we are dumb but actually, we very smart. It makes sense! We use everyone else's oil and then use our last to keep the power of United States. Like squirrels! Don't you think we are doing the same thing with gold? I do!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:30 | 4438214 kevinduhand
kevinduhand's picture

No, but I know Bix Wier, it was my father worked with the defense dept as a GS13 (government service rank) He was the man that had to buy jet fuel for the Air Force in the Iraq Shield war when we had just practically bombed them everyday. I asked my father, who's retired now, that everytime something happens that deals with America, you disappear for days to a week before it hit the news. He said "Son, my job is to get jet fuel bought from big oil companies and get them to a area nearest to effected area we are attacking so our jet and bombers will refuel up or we will be dead in the waters without it" He also told me that the gov. is hiding 2-3 hundreds years of oil in America and had not to used it until the world started to run out. Hopefully, years down the road, 2nd and 3rd world countries nations will start running out of oil and the USA will probably be off most of the oil supplies by then. Now the United States will start to drill and the world has to depend on us for hundred's of years in 2nd and 3rd world countries. The United States thinks ahead and a lot of people think we are dumb but actually, we very smart. It makes sense! We use everyone else's oil and then use our last to keep the power of United States. Like squirrels! Don't you think we are doing the same thing with gold? I do!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:29 | 4438215 kevinduhand
kevinduhand's picture

I love your show and I thinks it's awesome that you understand where I am coming from and acknowledge the importance of my father who had worked for the Defense Dept. in the US Airforce. I wish I could tell you more, but don't worry about the USA. We can handle ourselves haha. They don't worry about the present as they already know what to do. The USA is ready for anything all the way to the future.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:37 | 4438230 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

time for your meds, maybe double up this time

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:40 | 4438236 kevinduhand
kevinduhand's picture

let me clarify, I'm not the one who wrote this patriotic comment

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:40 | 4438242 akak
akak's picture

Muffins and napalm!  Pour more on!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:43 | 4438249 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Akak what's the deal man, does this move in gold have legs or is this another false start? Whaddaya think?

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:46 | 4438260 kevinduhand
kevinduhand's picture

I think you should trust Goldman Sachs, it's going down to $1000 so you should sell all your worthless metals

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:53 | 4438289 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I trust Akak, fuck off.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 21:01 | 4438314 kevinduhand
kevinduhand's picture

Akak is a well known anti-govrnment anti-Fed gold hoarding right wing terrorist, you should be careful with your unpatriotic actions

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 22:54 | 4438616 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

SO AM I, COCKSUCKER.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 23:03 | 4438642 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

Akak is a well known anti-govrnment anti-Fed gold hoarding right wing terrorist, you should be careful with your unpatriotic actions

You should ask for a refund on your ESL classes. I don't think you'd have a problem getting it.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:48 | 4438266 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

just startin' fonz............momos will start movin' in which will bring in the boyz for a shakeout but buy the shakeout and ride it ........its going to be one hell of a move this year

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:52 | 4438284 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I am very interested to see what happens man. 

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 22:13 | 4438504 Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

it will be interesting im sure, but don't go getting your hopes up guys. i say this as i am a litle hopeful, since early this week was literally the first time i have made a big (for me) purchase, as opposed to my small but constant-every-payday purchases, and not watched them get slammed down the next day. We will see. Personally, i dont really want them shooting to the moon just yet. at 29, I am buying this for my retirement/leave to my kids, so I really like being able to accumulate at these levels

Sat, 02/15/2014 - 02:24 | 4438940 Real Estate Geek
Real Estate Geek's picture

I wish I could, but I didn't set aside enough to pay off Uncle Scam.  All of my cash flow is going  into savings, at least for the next two months.  "Fuck you, pay me," was originaged by Uncle Scan, regardless of what they say in Goodfellas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=5ydqjqZ_3oc#t=9

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 20:55 | 4438288 akak
akak's picture

Fonz, I wish I could give you a sensible answer to that question.  I honestly just don't know.

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